Serina Harcourt | SparkaTale

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Ok, I'll admit it I'm really bad at talking about myself. I mean, seriously, I suck at it. Most girls love to talk about themselves, but I'm really horrible at it. I went to a speed dating thingy at the behest of a friend once. It did not go well. So, I suppose I'll leave you with some basic information about myself and save myself the pain of coming up with something interesting to say since I don't do anything... ever, so there's not much to talk about :P Actually, though, I guess I should tell you that I have a really sick obsession with the video game Borderlands. (Yeah, yeah, I'm one of those girls who plays games more than most guys. Shut up, guys think it's hot.) But seriously, I love that game.

__

The moment you feel like giving up, remember the reasons you held on for so long. 
You are important. Don't take your beauty from the world. You matter. I care. 

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255

 

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  • Snowfall

    Whew, well that’s certainly reassuring :) This chapter is easily the scariest I’ve ever written. I mean, this is the chapter. This is the chapter that the last 56 have been leading up to, so I’m quite glad you enjoyed it. Personally, I was terrified from beginning to end and even while editing I kept wondering if I shouldn’t make changes. My eternal indecisiveness was working overtime :P Anyway, you were right again! I have to say, you have been exceptionally good at predicting things. When I’m writing, it’s hard to tell how secretive I’m being or how other people will interpret things, so I never know if I’m being too obvious or not. When you guessed Steven, I had a miniature heart attack :P I knew after Sara’s laptop blew up that Steven would look suspicious, and there you were the second it happened being all suspicious of him :P I actually cut a couple of things that were meant to be hints that Steven was JTG because I was worried I’d been too obvious already and that no more hints were needed for anyone to figure it out. Oh, and then you go and correctly predict that Steven’s plan of backtracking JTG’s texts was just a trap for all of them :P I’d even gone to the trouble to outright show Steven sending a JTG text to Snow way back when just to hopefully divert attention away from him. I mean, where’s the best place to hide something? In plain sight, right? Anyway, you’re really good at this and I have to say I had a really hard time replying to those particular comments xD I felt like I was constantly just saying that I can neither confirm nor deny these allegations :P

    I’m glad you thought the intermixing of Snow and Clara’s POV was okay. That wasn’t something I’d planned and it took more fiddling than I care to admit to get into some semblance of order. I wrote the chapter with Snow’s POV being first, so she figures out that Steven is JTG and then we switch to Clara and she figures it out. I wasn’t too happy with that though because if Snow figures it out first it kind of ruins the reveal at the end, but if Clara is first then Snow’s scene is completely redundant. That, and Clara’s POV really needed to be last because I felt the reveal of Steven himself ought to be the last part of the chapter. I’d seen TV shows do interweaving like that before, but I wasn’t at all sure how it would translate onto the page. I tried a couple of alternate versions (which were bad :P) before settling on this one. The problem I had was properly conveying what was happening and whose POV we were in without interrupting the flow of the chapter somehow. My sister came up with the brilliant idea of putting one of the POVs in italics. It’s not perfect, but it’s the best I could come up with. It does what I need it to do, but I’m not completely happy with it. Still, it was fun to try something new for once. I’m fairly stuck in my ways when it comes to writing, so it’s nice to do something different once in a while :P

    Steven’s reasons (damn, I want that to be the title of the next chapter now :P) for pretty much all the stuff he’s done soon. I don’t want to say too much since it’s gone on this long so I’d hate to start spoiling things now. Suffice to say, Steven has his reasons for doing all of this and we’ll learn about them in the next chapter. A little off-topic, but I didn’t actually intend for the last few chapters to just shift from one explanation to another xD We go from Michael explaining magic, to Sara explaining how she survived, to Steven explaining why he’s a massive douche :P Anyway, you’re right that Jackson would be the hardest hit by Steven’s betrayal. Steven is/was one of his closest friends, and while the girls certainly consider him a friend they’ve never been really close friends. For Jackson though this is someone he trusted and has known/been friends with for years and years, only to be stabbed in the back by him. Albeit, less literally than Sara was stabbed in the back, but still :P Hmm, well now that’s an interesting theory indeed. The gang have been operating under the assumption that JTG tried to kill Sara (you have no idea how hard it is for me to type ‘tried to kill Sara’ :P I have apparently developed an automatic response to devastating spoilers and have to remind myself that I can say that now :P) but it’s certainly possible he didn’t. Sara was into a lot of dangerous stuff and she certainly wronged a few people, so who knows? Well, I do, but my strawberry glossed lips are sealed :P I’ll just leave it for you to theorize about for a while. Heh, I tend to want to do the same whenever a big mystery is revealed. The amount of Pretty Little Liars episodes that I’ve rewatched whenever A is revealed is staggering :P If you know Steven is JTG, things like Sara’s phone call make a lot more sense, as you said. There’s a few hints out there if you know what to look for. Not many since somebody is too smart for her own good :P But there’s a few. There’s one point where Snow and Jackson confront Steven to ask him if he’s JTG and his hands are noted to be in his pockets when a JTG text comes through. He was texting them with his phone in his pocket. If my sister can do that, so can he xD Oh, and there’s the title of chapter 33 Je Suis Une Amie, French for ‘I am a friend’. Not really a hint that Steven is JTG, but it was meant as a hint that JTG was a “friend” of the group. You know, I need to get better with my hints. These ones are crap :P Not that you needed them or anything anyway xD

    I’m going to be honest. When I decided that Sara was going to survive, I had no idea all of the details of how it happened. It took quite a while to assemble all of the pieces and have it all make sense. I am, of course, assuming that it actually does all make sense :P Sara didn’t know anything about Sebastian until after her ‘death’. She and Michael got together and compared notes so that told Sara a lot more about her dad and Tony and everyone. Much like Snow and the gang, she was pretty wrong about everything she thought she knew. JTG played her, using Michael as a distraction just like Tony and Rachel ended up becoming. She went after Michael, only to find out that he wasn’t remotely involved with JTG and it very nearly got her killed in the process. Oh my God, I want to write some sort of alternate universe where the gang are superheroes and Michael is a supervillain because Michael the Molester is the best supervillain name ever. I doubt I’ll do it, but it would be glorious xD Don’t be surprised if someone calls him that at some point in the future. That’s just too good xD Anyway, yeah, regardless of whether or not Sara was going to let Snow be harmed, that was a really awful thing to do. Then again, it is pretty typical of Sara at that time and honestly back on that night, I don’t think she felt very sorry about it at all. The ends justified the means in her mind. That said though, this is a different Sara than the one we knew 50 chapters ago. She’s been through a lot and working with the Dawnguard has given her a new perspective on things. Still, deep down there’s some of the old Sara left in her so how that might affect her reintegrating with the girls is something I don’t even know yet. You’re right about poor Snow, as well. After Michael, learning what Sara had done to her, even if she was never in any danger, was a really hard blow for her to take. Throw Steven in as well on top of everything else and she’s not exactly in a good place. Not that she’s been in a good place at any point in recent memory, but she’s in even less of a good place now :P Thanks for commenting! :)

    Haha, okay so I was just about to post this and I saw something on TV I thought you might find funny. I don’t even know what channel I have on right now because I’m not really watching it, but a commercial came on for a new Marvel superhero show. It’s called The Gifted and is about, well, people gifted with superpowers. Right after that one ended, another came on for another show. This one is called Snowfall. Unfortunately, that one is about cocaine :P Still, I found it really odd that both of those commercials popped up side by side like that.

     

    Commented on: September 14, 2017

  • Snowfall

    All I want to say about this is finally xD Ah, I can breathe a big sigh of relief now that this chapter is out there. So many secrets are finally out and I don’t have to worry about keeping them anymore. It’s so nice. When I clicked Add Chapter, I just leaned back and in my chair and relished in the feeling of getting rid of some of these secrets. It’s about time. Anyway, I’m really glad you enjoyed this chapter. Despite my feeling of relief, it’s still a scary chapter. Three years of secrets and subtle hints and build up finally coming to fruition is downright terrifying. If the answers aren’t at least somewhat satisfying then people like yourself who have stuck with me since the beginning (thanks for that, by the way :D) would have wasted three years of their lives otherwise. Ah yes, you were absolutely right about why Michael raped Mary. You were also right about it being a supernatural being that was responsible for the murders mentioned way back in… I think chapter 5? I’m too lazy to go check, but I told that story ages ago and I remember you guessing correctly right off the bat, so good job! That’s two of your theories proven correct. Also, the first time Alexandria was mentioned you said your first thought was of the city in Egypt, so you were pretty darn close with that as well. You’re building up a nice track record of figuring out what I’m up to :P Heh… um, okay, so the main reason they kept referring to Sebastian as ‘he’ is mostly because for the longest time I couldn’t pick a name for him. No, really. I’m serious :P After awhile it almost became a running joke and by the time I figured out what his name would be it seemed weird to just toss it in randomly so I saved it for the reveal of everything else. As for the thralls, yes, they’re innocent and the guys that kept staring at Snow are working for Sebastian completely against their will. They’re actually really nice people when they aren’t being forcefully controlled by a demonic hell-beast :P Now as for Emilia, she is definitely different I can say that. Zoe mentioned once that a normal thrall cannot use magic. Emilia clearly can. That doesn’t necessarily mean Emilia isn’t still a thrall, but then I suppose it doesn’t mean she is one either. Teased enough yet xD

    You know, that was my second biggest fear about this chapter. Essentially, it’s a massive exposition dump. It’s just Michael talking and telling this story about what the Dawnguard is, what they do, etc. and even if the information is interesting that can still get boring pretty quickly so I’m glad you didn’t find it to be so. Combining the fantasy with real world history was something I knew I wanted to do from the moment I settled on the idea that there would be fantasy elements in this. I’ve always been fascinated by the Library of Alexandria and what happened to it, so it seemed like a good launching point for something and this is what it turned into. That, of course, led me to thinking of so many other historical events that the Dawnguard could have had a hand in. Once I knew what it was that the Dawnguard did (saving the world from dangerous magic and whatnot) there were all sorts of places I could go and things I could do. For example, why can no one find the Ark of the Covenant? The Dawnguard have it xD No, that’s not a spoiler and it will never be important whatsoever. Well despite the fact that I’ve been writing these characters for years now, we still know next to nothing about Snow/Ariana’s family so it’s certainly possible that they have magic in their blood from somewhere in their family line. It’s certainly possible to have magic in your blood and not realize it, I’ll say that much. I don’t think you should feel mean at all for saying that about Snow and Michael. You’re absolutely right about it, and I agree that if they hadn’t broken up it would have just felt really wrong. I knew all along that this would be the end of their relationship, at least for now. Obviously Snow still very much loves him but all she can see at the moment is the betrayal and the lies and of course the fact that he raped Mary. And there’s also the fact that he’s known all along that Sara was very much alive and well and kept that from her as well. Suffice to say Snow has plenty of reasons to want nothing to do with him right now, so sadly their relationship had to end. Like you say, regardless of Michael’s intentions what he did was a really terrible thing. So even though Mary has forgiven him and they’ve somewhat worked things out between them, there were still better ways to go about things. We’ll get to why he was willing to go to such extremes to protect Mary later on, but I promise there is a reason. But yeah, I’m kind of sad to reach this point because I do like the two of them together, but it had to happen. I don’t really know at the moment whether or not they’ll get back together at some point in the future or not. It’s definitely a possibility, but I can’t say for sure right now. If they do, it won’t be for a very long time. Mary might have forgiven Michael, but Snow is far away from doing so. Finding out his motives for raping Mary helped soothe Snow somewhat since she knows he’s not this horrible, vile monster that did it just for fun, but she’s still extremely pissed at him. That said, their relationship isn’t completely beyond repair at some point down the road. Also, I’m glad you think the emotions are okay in this. That’s another area that bothers me a bit, really. I feel like Snow isn’t angry enough. I mean, I scrapped the idea that Snow would basically pull a Kayla and shove a gun in his face because even though that was my original plan as Snow developed as a character she just never has had that type of demeanor. It seemed really out of character for her to fly into a rage and threaten him like that. We’ve never seen Snow get really angry, but I don’t feel she’s angry enough in this chapter. Then again, I was trying to contrast her anger with her wonder at what she’s seeing. Her mind is being blown in this chapter, so there was a lot of back and forth over how much anger she could hold onto while learning about magic and discovering that she’s got this ability that she doesn’t understand. Maybe it’s just me nitpicking, but I’m happy you think it’s okay regardless :)

    Ah yes, the biggest change this story has yet seen. Sara is most definitely alive. I think it might be my best kept secret because as of yet no one has ever told me they thought Sara was still alive. Everyone I’ve spoken to thought she was supernatural in some way. But no, Sara survived her attack and is just as human as she was way back then. I never really hinted toward her being alive much either, honestly. I did once during her first conversation with Snow when she appears in her bedroom. Snow asks her if she knows who killed her and Sara replies with something along the lines of “I don’t know who stabbed me.” It’s very vague and I can’t imagine anyone picking up on that, but it’s in there. The only other hint was in the chapter titles, which would require so much attention that no one would do it. Back in Warehouse there were two chapters; one called What Kayla Did and the second was What Kayla Does. In this, there’s a chapter called What Sara Knew so if you follow the naming convention then at some point (in this case, the next chapter) there should be a chapter called What Sara Knows. I mean, that’s completely obvious, right? :P That was never really meant as a hint but that’s about as close as I ever came to it :P Actually, no, that’s not true. I can’t remember which chapter but at one point Snow discovers a half eaten bowl of cereal in Michael’s kitchen early in the morning. Michael claimed to have had a late night snack or something, but Snow found it odd. That was Sara. Still not really a hint, but there you have it. Anyway, Sara actually was supposed to die and that be that. I mentioned a long time ago that I changed something about this story that made me completely change a bunch of other stuff, and then did something else which made my first change irrelevant. This was that thing. Sara was meant to die, but I liked the idea of Sara and Snow together so much that I decided I wanted her to survive so I could keep that relationship around. So, Michael was changed into a good guy, the Dawnguard, Coven, magic, demons, etc were all invented, all to forge a path for Sara’s survival. And then Michael met Snow. After that, I realized that Sara and Snow were probably never going to be a thing again and so I literally created a detailed magical world for absolutely no reason :P Still, we have witches now so that’s cool, right? xD As for what/who is buried in Sara’s coffin; that’ll be answered in the next chapter along with a lot of other questions as well about how Sara survived and why she’s just been hanging out with Michael for a few months. Sara has quite the story to tell, I imagine. I do like the evil twin theory, but that’s venturing too far into Pretty Little Liars territory even for me :P Not that Sara being alive isn’t doing that anyway. PLL did the very same thing to a character once believed to be dead, so I’m screwed regardless. Anyway, I’m really rambling today, I know. I’ve kept so much of this secret for so long that I’ve really enjoyed being able to talk about it for once. I can’t imagine how I’ll feel once I finally let the JTG secret out of the bag :P Anyway, I’m going to stop babbling now and go to bed. I seriously need a vacation from my vacation :P Thanks again so much for commenting. I really appreciate it :)  

    Commented on: September 2, 2017

  • Snowfall

    Hahaha, well it had been awhile since I’d gotten a chance to do a mood whiplash, so I took the opportunity xD I really can't resist sometimes :P Waiting a long time for answers is right. It doesn’t feel like that long to me, but when I happened to glance at the ‘Created’ date up there and realized this has been going now for just over three years I was pretty shocked. I do believe I’ve carried this on long enough without giving some answers, so we’re going to be getting to those answers fairly soon. Will I answer all of your questions? Will the answers be satisfying? Who knows :P Find out next time on Dragonball Z! Okay, just ignore that. Hell, maybe ignore me altogether today. I just got back home after being stuck in a Florida airport all night and a good portion of the day today so I’m sleepy and cranky :P Hehe, I knew when I was writing it that you’d be mad at me for teasing again xD I’d planned for that scene to be Snow watching the video and finding out what Michael did and then she’d confront him in the next chapter in a completely different (and decidedly more Kayla-ish) way. But I just didn’t like anything about any of that. Nothing I wrote worked the way I wanted it to, so I switched tactics and this is the result. I’ll admit that I’m not completely happy with it, but that’s mostly because I’d envisioned doing it the other way for years so I suppose that has a lot to do with it.

    Heh, well, I was surprised to see Sienna and Divinity too :P I wasn’t planning on introducing either until the sequel, but with Snow’s part cut short I needed something else and it seemed like the perfect spot to slide Sienna in and give her a little introduction before she finally shows up properly later on. With Divinity, think of it sort of like King’s Landing I suppose only it’s a much nicer place to live than the capital of the Seven Kingdoms :P Divinity itself is a city, but there are lands and other, smaller cities/castles under its rule. I never really have made any attempt to make it clear that Divinity wasn’t something more than just a city so I’m not surprised you would reach the conclusion that it was. But yes, Sienna and Divinity are essentially in a parallel world. At least that’s how I’ve always thought of it, anyway. The Nine Realms have been mentioned before and Sienna’s world is one of them, our world is another. Obviously there are, well, nine of them :P We’ll get into it with more detail at some point in the future but for now it’s very safe to say that Divinity exists in a parallel world to our own. Lol, it’s funny you say that about Sienna being a brunette, because that’s exactly what she was xD However, I realized recently that I have an overabundance of dark haired characters and I really didn’t need to bring in another one, so Sienna gets to be unique and have vibrantly white hair. Why? I don’t know, just thought it would make her a little more interesting.

    Well I’m glad you think I’m doing a good job juggling the storylines. It may seem that way in the finished product, but you should see me trying to keep in all straight while I’m writing :P I’m surprised I don’t have a wall like a conspiracy theorist with pictures and little pins with string linking everything together :P Hey, actually that might not be a bad idea xD The timing of all this madness took way more thought and planning than I expected, I must say. Anyway, thanks so much for commenting :) 

    Commented on: September 2, 2017

  • Snowfall

    Hey, thanks for the comment :) Aww, but I so enjoy a little teasing every now and again xD Well, if its any consolation, you won’t have to wait too long before you find out what was in that text. I do love my secrets, but we’re getting down to the wire so things have to start being revealed very soon indeed. I’d considered having Snow watch the video in this chapter, but that did bad things with the very structured timeline I’ve put together, so it had to be put off until later. But like I said, very soon. The scene with Snow and Ariana was a last minute addition. After this chapter I’m going to be incredibly pressed for space to fit things in and I knew I wanted to have a scene with the two of them so I slid it in here. But yes, you’re right that whatever happens with JTG and Michael, Snow is still living in a very dark place. Even if JTG were caught tomorrow, Snow’s still facing the inevitable loss of her mother and the emotional scars of being tormented for months by a psychopath :/ Whatever happens, I wouldn’t expect Snow’s life to suddenly be a happy place anytime soon.

    To say that Jackson is the most expendable is a perfectly valid feeling to have in my opinion. I haven’t done much with him thus far, so if he were to die it wouldn’t necessarily be the most catastrophic loss in the world. It would be for his friends, obviously, but as far as losing a character he isn’t exactly a prominent figure. And if he really is going up to the mines with JTG, you’re right to worry about him. As for Steven, I’m just not going to comment :P There’s not much I can say without spoiling whether he is or isn’t JTG, so I’m going to keep my mouth shut. But I will say that you’re right on that point. He’s likely either a pawn or the instigator, so you probably should be scared regardless :P

    Hehe, no, don’t call her a werewolf. No no, that’s very insensitive :P Honestly, the fact that werewolves are such a fantasy classic is the reason I almost didn’t do it. I spent a lot of time (I mean, I lot of time building this fantasy world that Michael/Gwen/Zoe/Sienna/etc inhabit and for the longest time I wasn’t really sure just how deep into the fantasy pool I wanted to dive. I already had witches, but did I want werewolves? Do vampires exist in this world? Are there dragons? Other races like Orcs or Elves? I had a list pages and pages long with questions like that I had to answer. Fantasy isn’t exactly my specialty and this will be my first true foray into it, so suffice to say I’m rather nervous :P I didn’t just want to say “Oh look! Magic! Dragons! Castles! Yay!” There needs to be a story and history to all of it. With scifi, I can do that in a matter of a few days. With fantasy… yeah, not so much :P But yes, enough of that rambling. Gwen is most definitely a werewolf. Oh, right! I almost forgot that there was a video I was supposed to tell you about. Before I saw this video, Gwen was quite a bit different. She was very subdued and quiet and shy. Obviously, she’s far from that now xD Here is the link if you want to watch it.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqmnS4FQcAk&t=787s

    If that doesn’t work, and I always manage to screw up when trying to post a link so it probably won’t, just search for Mr Massagy Markiplier on Youtube. The video in question is Part 1 and the section you’re looking for starts around 7:40 into the video. It’s… yeah, it’s weird, but the character in that video (and others featuring the same video game, which also explain Gwen’s fascination with squirrels :P) was largely responsible for Gwen’s personality now :P Just… ignore the sexual innuendos, that’s all I’m saying :P But anyway, I’m not really surprised that you didn’t expect Gwen was Michael’s sister. That’s something I haven’t even hinted at, although I had intended to. I planned on mentioning that Riley had a twin sister, but I realized that would lead to awkward questions about where she was and I didn’t want to have to answer those questions, so it comes as kind of a surprise now. As for Gwen and Michael’s mother, well they have a complicated history :P Some of it is there in the chapter when Gwen says her mother came to resent her after she was forced to give up so much to protect her. There’s more to it, of course, but that’s part of it for sure. Of course, another part is that Gwen really is just being a bit of a rebellious teenager :P Oh, and as for their father… well, we’ll get to that someday :P His death is important, but not necessarily for events happening now. Yeah, we’ll get to all that later on. Just… there’s nothing to see here. Move along, move along :P

    Hahaha, I didn’t set out to name all of the businesses in town after Game of Thrones. They were meant to be named after anything movie/TV/book based that I found funny/fitting. So far, it’s all been Game of Thrones though :P Even the school’s football team is called the Mistbrook Falls Direwolves :P As for the season 7 finale, yes, I’ve seen it. There’s no HBO on this boat, but we do have internet so we streamed the finale last night. Eeeeeeeep, I feel, is perfectly fitting a description as I can come up with :P I mean, even if we ignore everything else that happened in that episode, a frickin’ ice dragon blew a hole in the Wall! With everything else that happened, it made for one heck of a season ender. I’m not going to go over everything here seeing as I could talk about the finale for ages and Claire wants me to go swimming with her (There are pools on this ship. I mean, why? Isn’t the point to keep water outside of the boat? It makes no sense, I say xD) so I’ll save my comments for the PM except to say that I’ve never been quite as excited for a new season of GoT as I am after this episode. Oh, but did they have to have the Dany/Jon scene there at the end take place with a casual discussion reminding us all just how related they are playing on top of it? I mean, really! :P       

    Commented on: August 28, 2017

  • Cursed

    I was so unexplainably nervous throughout the beginning of this chapter, although I can't really say why. Obviously I had an idea of how some of the gang (Sam in particular) were likely to react once they returned and discovered that Janelle had disbanded the group so I was nervous about that, but I think it was mostly the lead up to the reveal that Janelle and the others had left. The entire time from the moment the girl opens the door and Teresa comes in, I really thought she was about to sell the out to the Gifted. It just has that feeling, I can't really explain it. I kept thinking that as soon as they enter that room and find it empty, Gifted are going to leap out of the shadows and attack. I don't know if you intended the scene to have that feel to it or not, but if you did then very well done. If not, well, still well done because it's one heck of a tense moment all the way through.

    Seeing Sam so crushed by Janelle's (I almost used the word betrayal here, but I hesitate to do so since that's not what she intended, but I could understand if Sam thought of it as such) decision to disband their group. Regardless of what we call it, Janelle did sort of throw away something that she and Sam worked very hard to build together. That alone has to be difficult, so add in the fact that they're really close friends (and that Sam may or may not have more than friendly feelings towards Janelle) and that's a very deep hurt. That's why I was really happy to see Hahana, well, being Hahana at her best. I must admit that I didn't really trust the two foreigners for a while after they first appeared (and I'm still not entirely convinced that they've been completely honest about the purpose of their mission) but they've definitely grown on me, especially Hahana. She's just seems to be a genuinely good person with a big heart. She's very good at talking to people when they're upset and saying just what they need to hear. That's exactly what she did here and she got Sam to open up pretty easily, a feat I'm sure the others wouldn't have accomplished so quickly. Oh, and I've got to say, poor Maui :( He's so clearly got a huge crush on Sam but she won't even give him the time of day. His situation reminds me of Jorah a bit, actually. Maybe they could start some sort of support group for men suffering from unrequited love or something? :P

    I don't know why I was surprised that Carey would go visit Reagan's grave, but I was. It makes a lot of sense that she'd want to visit him. He's the only other (known) Gift of Stealth, and so the only person who truly understands how she feels. Like Carey, I wonder how much he knew about his Gift. Did he know how it worked or why the Leader is so interested in Carey? He must have known more than Carey does, or at least I would assume so. We still know so little about him, so it's hard to say for sure. Of course, that's one of the things I enjoyed the most about this chapter; we got some backstory on Reagan. He still remains a huge mystery and I still can't quite piece together all the Ben stuff and whatnot. Heck, I'm still not entirely convinced whose side he was really on. Regardless of all that, this was a really touching scene between Carey and Theresa. They haven't really interacted all that much in the past, but I really enjoyed this scene. Also: "We don't bite. Unless you want us to, of course." Hahahahaha, I officially love Theresa xD

    I can't really blame 256 for choosing to leave with the group, honestly, given what happened and how he feels. Family or not, it takes time to forge those bonds. It won't happen overnight. It wouldn't happen easily even in the real world, much less when you add in the Gifted's way of life to the mix. 256 has it right, it'll take time and they need to get to know each other. Then, eventually, perhaps they can be a real family. It's sad that he wasn't able to truly open up to David about his life with the Gifted. I understand why, of course, but it's still really sad :( There's a lot to tell and I'm not at all surprised that David would be horrified to learn of it. Who wouldn't be? Still, I'll keep hoping that one day they'll reunite and perhaps they'll be able to further their relationship then. David certainly seems to want to and clearly 256 does, so I'd say there's hope yet. I like that 256 also intends to keep his promise to the Servant as best he can. The Servants deserve all the help they can get, and he's right that the rebels are the best chance the Servants have of making things better for them. If 256 really wants change for them, and I believe he does, there's really no where else for him to be at the moment. He asks an interesting question, though; how do you feel grief for someone you never met or miss someone you never knew? Despite his own wonderings, I think that makes him human. It’s his mother so it seems perfectly natural that he’d feel that sort of grief.

    Hehe, 256 didn’t even try to feign ignorance when Sam asked him if he’d been listening to them :P C’mon man, you’re made of sterner stuff than that. Don’t just confess! At least try to talk your way out of it xD Don’t be like me when you’re asked by your roommates if you ate the last of the apple pie and just scream “Who told you?” at the top of your lungs. Lie, 256, lie xD Anyway, I was glad to see Sam tell 256 the truth about 440. He deserved to know the things 440 had done and the circumstances surrounding his death. She was perhaps a bit harsh, but well, she's Sam and she's obviously pretty emotional at the moment so I think she can be forgiven for getting a bit snippy. Still, 256 really did need to know the truth about what really happened and the things 440 did. I wonder how learning all of this will change things between him and Carey? It surely must, but I’m not entirely sure in what way. But anyway, overall quite a good chapter here. Some interesting revelations in regards to Reagan, a lot of tension at the beginning, 256's reasoning for returning to the group and much more. My only complaint is that you left me hanging there at the end :P For a second I thought something was wrong with my mouse. I was absorbed reading and suddenly the page wouldn't scroll anymore. It was just so sudden :P Oh, also it was nice to see Theresa and the old brothel once again. By the way, I gotta ask; is that peephole still in the kitchen door? xD 

    Commented on: August 3, 2017

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for the comment :) Hehe, I imagine them falling was a bit anticlimactic at this point, huh? :P And also, I lied. This is the last chapter I’m going to use song lyrics for the title. Seriously, I’m done :P I just couldn’t resist with that one for obvious reasons. Also, I felt like I typed the word fall/fell about 6 million times in this chapter, so there’s that too. And who doesn't like that song, anyway? She's a good girl, loves her mama. Loves Jesus and America too. She's a good girl, crazy 'bout Elvis. Loves horses and her boyfriend too. Why am I sitting here typing out song lyrics? Yeah, I'm losing it. Anyway, I’m glad you thought the tension and whatnot was ok and that Snow managed to make a convincing JTG. I was not at all confident that Snow’s portrayal of JTG would be believable in the least. Given that she’s quite obviously lying and the reader knows it, I wasn’t sure how convincing she would be. But yeah, that’s one thing I knew I wanted to do for sure with Rachel not quite believing but also not quite dismissing Snow’s act. There were a number of reasons why, one of which was as you say it’s more interesting than the other way, but also neither of the other ways seemed all that believable. Snow didn't really have enough proof to outright convince her, but she's convincing enough to make Rachel unsure.  

    Well, I’m glad you like Rachel although I have to say I didn’t make any attempt whatsoever to make her likable. It wasn’t even in the back of my mind to try to make her likable :P In fact, she was never supposed to survive the chapter to begin with. I’d always expected her to fall to her death much like Miranda had, it was supposed to be poetic or something. But when I went to write it the whole thing just felt really wrong. So I had to do a pretty major rewrite so Rachel could survive, which changed a lot of stuff :P But regardless, I’m glad she’s likable. I don’t have the slightest clue what I’m going to do with her now, of course, but she’s still around xD You know, that’s another reason why I wanted to keep Rachel alive; to let her and Snow end their conflict peacefully. I figured that might be pretty unexpected considering Snow’s track record thus far, and also because Rachel is neither crazy nor a bad person. She’s just a mom who had her daughter taken from her, so she has good reasons for the things she does even if they aren’t very nice things :P It just felt really bad to kill her when she’s probably one of the characters that deserves it the least.

    I went back and forth for a long time over whether Snow should tell Rachel about Tony and Miranda. I had a version where she doesn’t tell her that I planned on using, but once again it never felt right when I tried to let them resolve the conflict peacefully. With Snow telling her, the information sort of breaks her. It kind of kills her desire for revenge in a way. Without that, Rachel’s change of heart didn’t quite fit. As for what Rachel will do now that she knows, well like I said before, I have no idea xD I have no immediate plans for Rachel at the moment so I doubt we’ll see much of her until the sequel because I really don’t have the space to fit her in and I need time to figure out what sort of trouble she can get herself into. Plus, I already know what Tony will be doing up through the ending, so I imagine Rachel will just be plotting her revenge against Tony over these next few chapters. Heh, I think it’s pretty safe to say that JTG is serious when she says she knows everything, so yeah she probably knows all about Rachel’s offer. JTG sees all :P

    I think I’ve said it before (I honestly can’t remember :P) but so much more happened on Labor Day than has been revealed. It would be pretty difficult, approaching impossible to put all the pieces together. Mainly because you’re assembling the puzzle with only half of the pieces and the picture on the box belongs to a completely different puzzle xD If you did manage to figure it all out, I’d be extremely impressed. Not because I’m that good of a mystery writer or that you’re not more than capable of figuring out what I’m up to but because there’s just not enough information out there to do so. I don’t think :P Thanks again for commenting :)

    Commented on: July 26, 2017

  • Cursed

    Sorry for taking a while to get to this. I knew I wouldn't have time last weekend, but I'd expected to have plenty of time last week. Unfortunately, it was one of those weeks where if it can go wrong, it has :/ Things with my grandmother went to hell in a proverbial handbasket, so... yeah. Anyway, this isn't about that. Today was the first chance I've gotten to settle down and put together some coherent thoughts. Also, the usual disclaimer that this comment may not actually be all that coherent applies. It is 1:30 in the morning, after all. Anyway, it's comforting to know that Carey has roughly the same navigational skills that I do :P I barely manage as it is, so leave me with trees and the stars as my only tools and it wouldn't end well. I liked the conversation between Carey and Sam (surprise, surprise :P) and honestly I'm inclined to agree with Carey in that Sam probably wouldn't admit to being lost even if she was xD I must say, I can't recall Sam calling 805 by his number either, although the likelihood of me remembering such a small detail is, admittedly, small.

    It was very interesting to get some more information about the Leader. Like 805 said I'd always thought that the Leader was so fixated on Carey because she was unique. This is one of those chapters that makes me go back and reread things with a different perspective, so I went back and reread Carey's interrogation scene. I remember thinking at the time that she seemed awfully obsessed with Carey and how she escaped as a baby, but I never considered the possibility that there was anything more to it than the fact that Carey was an oddity. Now I'm curious. Was there more to her questions than I thought? It's given me something to think about, that's for sure. 805 seems oddly convinced that the potentials that aren't chosen are still alive. It certainly sounds to me like the ones that aren't selected are taken away and executed. I mean, if they disappear never to be seen again and their numbers are recycled... dead seems likely.  

    I have to say I was quite surprised that 256 returned to the group. Not that he met up with them there, but actually left with them. After finding his family, I fully expected him to stay with them for the time being. He's never wanted to be a rebel and now, having been given an out, I thought he would take it. I'm glad he's chosen to return to the group, but you did manage to surprise me with his decision. It was nice to see Carey and 256 have a somewhat normal conversation too. Obviously things are still really tense between them, but it appears their relationship has at least slightly improved. That kind of pain will take a long time to heal, but 256 has a big heart and I'm confident Carey will earn his forgiveness eventually. I swore I would never admit this, but I used to mix up 256's number in exactly the same way David did :P I do that a lot with numbers, actually. Maybe I have dyscalculia or something. In much the same way, I'm surprised 805 stayed as well. He'd be adamant that he'd leave them, so I'm surprised he's sticking around. In my heart I'm hoping he's staying for Sam, but I really don't know for sure.     

    Moving on to Janelle's part of the chapter, it appears I've found a kindred spirit. I'm one of those horrible people who will pay for things with whatever change I happen to have. I've gone to the store with a pocketful of pennies before. I'm a bad person :P Anyway, I'm glad to see Ben is recovering. I was pretty worried about him. I wasn't too sure he would survive after the last chapter, so I'm happy to see he seems to be on the mend. Evelyn, on the other hand, is understandably... not. And how could she be? That loss has to be devastating, regardless of whether they are related or not (and I must admit that I'm no longer sure what to believe on that matter anymore :P) Brooke was obviously very important to Evelyn and no one recovers from something like that quickly. Brooke's death will most likely be hanging over the entire group, and Evelyn in particular, for quite some time.  

    I'm still considering passing on my crown of mood whiplashes over to you :P I really do think you've got me beat. Sure, this wasn't a case of going from happy to sad or scary, but you went from this emotional, touching moment between two people that have lost loved ones to damn creepy in an instant. But we'll get to that in a minute. First, Janelle's conversation with Ben was really quite sad. Janelle is right that their current strategy isn't sustainable. You can't beat a superior force when you're taking far more losses in every battle. Still, Ben is right that they can't give up. It was a victory at the end of the day, even if it wasn't a tactical one. As much as I hated to see Ben be turned down by Janelle, I can't really say I blame her. Reagan's death is still so recent that even though she certainly seems to like Ben, Reagan still has her heart for now.

    Getting some backstory on Ben was also nice. We didn't know too much about him, so seeing more of his past is really interesting. I was also surprised to see him as the first seemingly confirmed bisexual character in the story. But all that aside, what was with that ending? I'm infinitely more suspicious of Ben than I've ever been before. I mean, what the actual frak? Okay, theory crafting time. Ben somehow knew of Reagan, or knew Reagan. I don't believe he heard the name from Thomas or anyone else. So how did he know?  Oh, I'm going to have to think about this a while. I have some theories but I'll keep them to myself for now because they're all pretty far-fetched :P I really don't quite know what to make of it.

    Anyway, this was a really interesting chapter. I often find chapters like these to be some of my favorites because they introduce so much for me to think about. The Leader and the potentials and all this stuff with Ben is quite a lot of information to process. I'm not really sure what to expect moving forward. I'm hoping to see the whole group back together soon since I really want to see what happens when Carey and Co learn about Janelle disbanding their group to join Caleb. I guess I'll find out next time :) Anyway, another good chapter that left me with a long list of things to think about. Looking forward to see what comes next :D

    Commented on: July 17, 2017

  • Snowfall

    Thanks so much for commenting :) That theory makes quite a lot of sense, actually (But seriously, go to bed :P 5 hours of sleep can't be good for you) Poor Steven is coming off as very suspicious lately, isn't he? JTG is working on ending the game, so Steven faking tracing JTG's phone to lead the others into a finale face off seems logical. But if Steven isn't JTG, she won't be at all happy that he's trying to track her down. She's been completely invisible this entire time so if Steven starts to close in on her, particularly so close to the end of her game, she will not be pleased.

    Heh, Mary's had her entire perception of the world blown into a million pieces over the course of a ten minute car ride. There's an entirely new world open to her now and she doesn't quite know what to do with it. A perception filter is a pretty good way to describe what has happened to Mary, actually. Mortals are incapable of seeing and interacting with the magical realm unless someone with magic grants them the ability. Basically, a mortal could walk past an entire city and never even know it was there. It's not like Hogwarts where you see a derelict building, there's just literally nothing there. Mary now has the ability to see and touch the magical realm. Oh, and what she saw out of Michael's window was quite sizable, let's just leave it at that. It was not, necessarily, a magical city. That was just an example. Probably :P Michael really should tell Snow the truth, no doubt. Obviously, Snow's going to be really angry no matter who tells her, but she would be more likely to forgive him if he's upfront and honest with her. If she finds out through anyone else, I really don't quite know what she'll do. I really need to make a decision on that, but I doubt I'll settle on her reaction until I sit down to write that particular chapter. Indecisiveness strikes again :P

    Ah, the ending. I hadn't intended to end the chapter there because obviously Snow is lying about being JTG so I knew there was no way I was going to fool anyone into thinking she is. Still, ending on that line was too enticing to resist and it felt better, I thought, to not introduce the conflict with Rachel and resolve it in the same chapter. In the beginning, Rachel wasn't supposed to pop up in this chapter at all. She was going to first appear at the end of 53 and we'd resolve the situation in 54. The problem came up that in order to fit everything in properly I'd almost have to bump it out to 61 chapters, which I don't want to do. As such, Rachel was tossed into the end of this one instead. Snow's ruse is actually something I've wanted to talk about for a long time, but haven't been able to until now. This storyline is based upon my original plan for who JTG was going to be. JTG really was going to be Snow. The idea was that Snow had some sort of multiple personality disorder. So we have the Snow that we follow through the story and then we have this other person that's doing all of the JTG stuff. Snow would essentially black out, do these things, then become herself again with no memory of what she'd done. One of the reasons why Snow blacked out on the night of Sara's murder was because at the time I was still deciding on exactly what I was going to do and so I needed to write myself a way out of either situation. Ultimately, the idea of Snow being JTG, while interesting, seemed off and was scrapped before JTG ever appeared in the story. Even so, I do still like the idea and wanted to fit it in somewhere so here it is. I get to write Evil Snow for a chapter or two :P Will her plan work? Well, that remains to be seen, especially if Rachel knows more about JTG than she's let on. Snow is certainly going to try, either way. Oh, right, this is this chapter! One second... ah yes, here it is. "Hmm, now you’re making me nervous that Snow is going to fall off a cliff or something. I hope that doesn’t happen. I love puns, but I don’t think my heart could take it if you went the full way with this one." -Genevieve Middleton, January 31st, 2017. You do not know how much I giggled after you said that xD I knew Snow was going to end up on the edge of Lookout Point (and maybe over the edge :P) so the timing of that was just about perfect. Anyway, you make a good point about Rachel. She seems to just be a mother that wants justice for her daughter. Her own murderous justice that doesn't abide by any sort of law, but justice nonetheless. If that's true, she doesn't deserve to die. After all, Snow and the gang are guilty and Miranda does deserve justice. Not Rachel's style, but, well, you know.

    Hahahahaha, sorry about that xD I was kind of desperate for a chapter title and it seemed to fit Snow's crazy plan to pretend to be JTG. That, and it sort of ties back into my idea that Snow would have a mental disorder way back when. I had planned on ending my string of song lyrics as titles that's been going on since 47 with this chapter, but I suppose one more won't hurt :P

    Commented on: July 3, 2017

  • Snowfall

     

    Aww, I’m sorry to hear you haven’t felt well :( Hopefully you’re recovering quickly and are feeling better now. Anyway, yeah that was partially the intention behind the title. Well, that and I love the Pretty Little Liars theme song and couldn’t resist borrowing some of the lyrics from it :P That song fits the show so perfectly and it wasn’t even written specifically for the show. One of the actresses had heard it and suggested it for the theme. I’m getting off topic already :P This is one of the few times that I knew going into a chapter like this that everyone would make it out alive. Typically I have other ideas of things I’d like to do or ways I’d like to see the story go, so I’m never quite sure if everyone will survive. This time though I’ve planned ahead all the way to the final chapter, so I knew we wouldn’t be losing anyone here. Don’t get comfortable though, I could just be luring you into a false sense of security or something :P The bit at the end with JTG’s message to Tony is… complicated. There are two principles to this story that need to be remembered. The first is that everyone has a secret, and the second is almost nothing is exactly as it first appears. (This should not be taken as confirmation that Tony does, in fact, have shape-shifting abilities :P) A lot more happened on Labor Day than has been revealed and it involved a lot more people than the girls know about. JTG knows, however. Of course, JTG knows everything :P You know, I'm just going to leave whether or not Tony and JTG are in cahoots (I agree, that's an awesome word xD) entirely up to your imagination for now. It's certainly possible and I'm interested to see what other related theories you can come up with, so please, by all means, ramble away :)

    Hahahaha, yes! A compliment for Michael at last xD One day, you will love him. I will make it happen. I'm confident in my ability to successfully succeed! :P I didn’t set out to give Michael this hero moment and he almost didn’t get it. At first, I really liked the idea of Snow managing to talk Tony down. Obviously Snow rescuing herself instead of needing to be rescued is something I like to see instead of a damsel in distress sort of scene. In this case though, knowing all of Tony’s backstory, it just didn’t make a lot of sense that she’d be able to do that. It didn’t fit with who Tony is so in the end Michael got to be a badass. He’s not complaining :P Lol, I’m sorry! I know that was mean, but it’s just not the time for Michael's secrets to come out. You’re right that it is coming but I’ll not say when. To be honest, I was surprised by Michael telling Mary too. I spent a ton of time planning out exactly what was going to happen over the next ten chapters and Michael never told her. Then I get to their conversation and it just felt like the right time for him to tell her. Of course, that left me with the problem of whether or not I should also tell the audience and I really did consider it. But like I said, this just isn’t the time. That’s a big reveal. I mean a big, big reveal. Easily in the top 3 of the whole story and I already know when and how it’ll all come out, so sadly it has to wait for a later chapter. But yeah, you’re right. Michael has handled this all really badly no matter his intentions or how he’s behaving now. Obviously Michael is changing and I’d say Snow has been instrumental in that change, but he’s still done bad things and has behaved like an absolute douchebag regardless of the reasons why.

    I swear, I had more trouble with Snow and Tony’s conversations than I did with anything else. Try as I might, it never felt genuine to me. It all felt forced and it didn’t flow properly. It took me ages to get something that even remotely approached what I was going for. It also required me to change Tony quite drastically. At first, he was quite a bit more a pervert in regards to Snow. He does have a fetish for underage girls after all, so it seemed fitting. I guess I can’t write child molestation scenes properly (which is a really weird thing to be upset about) because instead of feeling disturbing and creepy, it was just really awkward and Tony felt too much like a cartoon villain instead of a pedophile. But yes, Tony’s scars are certainly real and there’s still a lot of things about Tony that we don’t yet know. While he's clearly not a good guy, something surely drove him to be the way he is so I'd say your theory is a pretty good one. As with a lot of things, it'll be a while before all of Tony's secrets come out. I've got a lot of other things to deal with before I get to Tony. A lot of other things :P As for what Mary will do, well I'll keep that a surprise for now, but it will have a pretty significant effect on her moving forward. Her world has been rocked, let's leave it at that. Also, Michael didn't lie. He told her the absolute, honest to God, truth. That's not to say he told her every secret he has, he didn't, but the parts that had to do with Mary were all true. Anyway, thanks so much for the comment :) And please, don't worry about being a little late. I just hope you're feeling better now :)  

    Commented on: May 27, 2017

  • Stories from the Island

    I'm actually quite glad I didn't have a chance to comment on this earlier because it gave me time to process everything that happened. I can safely say that when I opened this, I was not at all expecting that ending and even after this much time I don't know how to feel. Anyway, okay, let's get this started. It was nice to get a lot more backstory on 913 as well as 256's early days with the Gifted. We don't really learn that much about 913 in the main series, so it was good to see her and find out how their relationship developed as well as seeing a young 256. I just knew he'd be adorable xD It's got to be difficult, especially for the children, to not form attachments. What the Gifted teach is so counter to basic human instinct that I'm surprised they even manage to maintain it. Then again, considering the punishments involved maybe it's not that big of a surprise. Locking Gifts of Air in a tiny box? Geez, that's pretty terrible :/ It makes sense that's what they'd be scared of, but damn that's psychological torture right there. And then to follow it up with physical torture as well? That's just cruel. Then again, I suppose it wouldn't be torture if it wasn't cruel.

    For someone well aware of the punishments for attachments, 913 isn't very good at hiding said attachment, is she? I suppose that's what love does to us, doesn't it? It makes us behave irrationally. The Leader kind of makes a good point, honestly. I mean, he's right. Attachments can be used against people and love is easily turned into a weapon, but who would want to live like that? You know, I find this Leader very interesting indeed. He seems so much more... what's the word? Fair? Diplomatic? Obviously he's as staunchly devoted to the Gifted's way of doing things as any of the others, but I liked the way he insisted on hearing all sides of what happened. He strikes me as someone who leads very differently than the current Leader. 4450, however... well, we'll get to that guy later.

    That ending though, holy hell. I did not see that coming. I guess one reason why it shocked me so much is that I thought 913 was still alive. Unless my memory is even worse than I realized (which I'll admit is very possible :P) but I don't recall ever reading that she was dead. 256 said several times that she would hate him and never forgive him, so he clearly never learned of 913's death. That makes sense seeing as I doubt the Gifted would want that information getting out. I don't know, I just always thought there might possibly be a reunion between them at some point in the future, so learning that's now impossible is a little jarring. It's going to make me have a very different feeling whenever 256 mentions her now. Anyway, obviously any mention of suicide hits a little close to home, as this instance did, however I must say there is something darkly beautiful about the whole thing. She's doing it for 256, not because she wants to die. It's definitely a different a different take on the topic and it's... yeah, I think darkly beautiful is as fitting a description as I can come up with. That title couldn't be more fitting either. It would take the love of a mother to do what she did. She wanted to save him and she did just that. He may not have ended up how she probably envisioned, but I'd like to think her compassion helped him become the young man we know today.

    4450 is a douche, let's just get that out of the way right now. This guy is just... ugh. If I hope for anything, it's that the Servants one day get their well-deserved revenge. If anyone anywhere deserves to burn the Gifted's way of life down around them, it's the Servants. Just the tiny glimpse we get at what they're forced to do by people like 4450 is sickening. The thing is, a tiny part of me feels sorry for 4450 with that last sentence. That's a terrible thing to be cursed with for the rest of his life, but considering what he was doing mere hours before I have a hard time feeling much remorse for him. Anyway, this short story is quite well done. There's a lot of backstory, which again is one of my favorite parts of this. But its also very emotional, heartbreaking, and thought provoking at the same time. I mean, how do you find the strength to kill yourself to protect someone you love? That's different than stepping in front of a gun or something. That's instinct, that's an in the moment response. This is something altogether different and I suppose once again the title sums it up much better than I can. Overall, great job on this! I'm looking forward to seeing where the next one goes :)

    Commented on: April 18, 2017

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for the comment! :) The interesting thing (for me at least :P) about Brad is that he has a perfectly valid point. One life vs. 7 or 8 (Google says the estimated population by 2030 will be 8.4 billion, so subtract a few for 2027 :P) billion lives is a pretty fair trade, even if Snow is that one life. Brad isn't a bad guy, he's just thinking about the greater good. Even if Snow's death just buys them more time, he's all for it. It's not that he wants to kill Snow or anything. He doesn't and he wouldn't enjoy it, but he would do it if it had to be done. He's certainly not going to just go and do it directly against Michael's orders, but if things got bad enough... well, who knows? Desperation drives people to do things they might otherwise wouldn't.

    Sara's files were a punch to the gut the girls didn't need, that's for sure. Even though they all knew what Sara was like, they didn't realize she thought about them like that. That's still a tough thing to find out about someone that was supposedly your friend. That's an interesting theory, I must say. JTG would have had access to Sara's computer, so she would have been able to edit, delete, add, etc anything she wanted to. Then again, Sara certainly had the capacity to be harsh and she would never have intended the files to be read by anyone but herself. She would also have been stalked by JTG for quite some time by the time these were written, so that could also have affected her way of thinking and her attitude. Or maybe Sara was just that mean :P Well, that's what not being a POV character gets Nikki :P I can't blame you for picking her, either. Her lack of POV means we don't get to see her thoughts when JTG texts come in or anything like that. The others can almost be ruled out because they've all been seen getting texts when they were alone and from their own POV. Nikki doesn't get that. Poor thing :P You know, I honestly am surprised Steven isn't suspected more than he is. Very little is known about him and he absolutely has good reasons to hate Sara, and by extension, the girls. The computer blowing up is another good example. He's a pretty suspicious guy and he could easily be playing them all and they would never see it coming. That's kind of what I want to do and that was a big disappointment for me with Pretty Little Liars. They spent years building up A and it turned out to be someone no one really cared about. I'm not saying JTG is part of the core group, but I want JTG to be someone at least halfway important to the story and for her motivations to be relatable. 

    Haha, Gwen the dog girl :P Little Gwen is a character I've been wanting to introduce for quite a while, but it's never felt like the right time. Before I end this, I'm planning to introduce at least two new characters and Gwen was one of them. I can safely say Fullmetal Alchemist wasn't my influence for Gwen, although I have seen the anime. In fact, Gwen changed significantly just recently. I can't say where the influence for those changes come from because it would tell you too much about her. Let's just say she was always meant to be exactly what she is, but when I saw this character in a youtube video I knew I had to alter her mannerisms to match. The temptation was just too much to resist :P After we get to the part where more about Gwen is revealed I'll have to link you to the video. You'll... you'll see xD As for Clara and Jacob, yeah it's a really bad situation. Clara wants to tell him so badly, but she can't risk angering JTG who she knows will follow through on her threat. I did consider letting her tell him for a moment, but I've got to admit that the opportunity for so much more drama was too hard to resist. I'm a bad person :P

    Yeah, the confrontation with Tony was never going to go well, was it? I don't think I managed to convince anyone Tony was JTG to be honest. I wasn't really trying to and how anti-climactic would it have been if he had been? Or maybe since nobody bought into the idea, it might have actually worked out really well? Hmm. Anyway, Tony is... well, a lot of things :P An accomplished liar is one of them, so take everything he says with a grain of salt. There's a lot more to his story than has been revealed. You might be able to pick up a hint of part of it from this chapter, although no one else that's read this has said they have, so maybe not :P A lot of seemingly unrelated storylines are tied together and we're just now starting to get to the point where some of that is starting to come out. On the JTG side of things, Tony knows more about a lot of things than he lets on. Is JTG one of those things? Who's to say? Anyway, you probably should be a bit worried about Snow and Jackson right now. Tony is desperate and again desperation can lead people to doing things they might otherwise not do. Then again, Tony is pretty smart and murdering two teenagers in his own home isn't exactly a wise move. Unless this is all a trap and Tony is working with JTG and this was the plan all along. I mean, stranger things have happened, right? :P Anyway, thanks again for the comment! I'll be getting to Stories from the Island in the next day or so. I've already read it, but I've been in Florida since Wednesday for Star Wars Celebration so I've been a bit busy fangirling over the last few days :P 

    Commented on: April 15, 2017

  • Cursed

    Do you get some sort of sick pleasure from breaking my heart? Do you? Do you? I mean, really? Okay, I suppose I shouldn’t start there. Let’s start at the beginning and work our way towards the heartache. The beginning with Janelle and Ben was quite interesting. Janelle makes a good point that all of this is very similar to her original plan and subsequent defeat the last time she tried to attack the Gifted head on. It makes sense to me that she’d have a hard time believing that this go around would be any different. Better prepared or not, it’s the Gifted we’re talking about. I have to admit that I tend to subscribe to the idea of hope for the best but expect the worst. Its much harder to be disappointed that way and I agree with Janelle’s thinking that its better to expect the bad and then if they win she can be pleasantly surprised. All that said, however, Ben also makes a good point. Too much doubt and negativity is bad for morale all the way around. A lack of confidence is no help at all and it’s a good thing to keep a little hope alive. After all, as someone in my new favorite Star Wars movie happened to say; rebellions are built on hope :P I’ve been quietly hoping for some Benelle (that’s what I’ve been calling them for a while now :P Blame my sister for my obsession with shipping names. She has one for everyone. I’m now one half of ‘Clarina’. I hate her :P Anyway, off topic) and I’m glad to see some of my hopes coming through. I can’t blame Janelle for resisting, however. It wasn’t that long ago that Reagan left us and she’s not exactly over him. I don’t think Janelle’s ready for a new relationship quite yet, even though I get good vibes from Ben for the most part. Hopefully they really do get a chance to talk about it later, although I won’t get my hopes up just in case :P

    If only you knew what Carey and the others have gotten into, Janelle. You wouldn’t be so confident she’ll be at the base once you’re done. Cause, yeah… she’s not there. Complications arose, Gift of Earth rebellions started, detours were taken… she’s busy. Anyway, I said I was expecting quite a battle and that’s exactly what I got. Your action sequences continue to impress and honestly this might be my favorite yet. You manage to give a good amount of detail, explaining the combatants actions clearly without it becoming boring. Instead, there’s just enough to see what’s happening without taking the time to intricately each person’s every move. The fights flow well and the combination of Gifts, swordplay, and ranged combat all work together to make some very interesting fights. The battle was tense and excitement and I was scared (for good reason) all the way through. In a story like this where it never feels like the characters are ever truly safe, these scenes are a great way to scare the hell out of me. I knew we would be losing people, but I wasn’t at all sure who it would be.

    Okay, so that brings me to this part. I don’t really want to talk about it, but I have to. I really don’t know what to say. I saw it coming though, the second you split Brooke and Evelyn up I knew one of them wasn’t going to make it. You surprised me because I’d pegged Evelyn to be the one to die, but no you decided to go for the jugular and take sweet Brooke. Okay, since I’m not able to do this from the standpoint of someone invested in these characters at the moment, let’s start from a narrative standpoint. In that way, Brooke’s death is actually a really interesting choice. The type of character Brooke was, so young and lively and bubbly, that loss will certainly be felt by everyone. Evelyn, obviously, is devastated and she should be. But also this serves as a great reminder of exactly what it happening here. This is war. Not a war happening on foreign land between soldiers, but a war taking place in the villages and towns where friends and family live. This is war where kids are either taking up arms to fight, or just get caught in the middle. Ack, damn you’re getting too good at making me cry. I guess it’s a testament to your writing that this is hitting me so hard. Brooke wasn’t around all that long in the grand scheme, but when she died it was like… I don’t know, but it really hurt. I’m just… no, I can’t right now. Brooke, you were the bright spot in a dark world. You will be deeply missed and your sacrifice will be remembered. Sleep well.

    Anyway, this battle doesn’t appear to have gone all that well for the rebellion. It was a tactical defeat, no doubt, but it may end up being a strategic victory. A difference was made here and the lives lost will hopefully serve a purpose. They didn’t win in the traditional sense, but a point was definitely made. Overall, this was an exciting, tense, and heartbreaking chapter that I honestly wasn’t prepared for. I knew when this chapter came along and we got to the battle it was going to be bad, but damn, I underestimated the emotional impact. I’m going to stay hopeful that Ben will be okay. I can’t take losing anyone else at the moment, and I really want Janelle and Ben to have that conversation. I’m worried for him, but… he’ll be okay. Right? Anyway, this was a really good chapter with lots of action and excitement. Good job!

    Commented on: March 14, 2017

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for commenting! :) Haha, yeah she finally remembered :P The entire first paragraph should really just read like this; Serina is an idiot. This should have happened in the last chapter. Please try to forgive her, she's shockingly forgetful. Seriously, that's pretty much what I was thinking the entire time :P I started to edit the last chapter to add it in, but that would have required people to go back and reread a chapter they'd already read so in the end this is what I came up with to fix my mistake. I got to bring back future Ariana though, so I suppose some good came out of it. Bringing Rose back has been on my list of things I want to do for a really long time but I haven't been able to find a suitable spot to fit her in. She was going to be the one to visit Snow in the hospital, but it made more sense for Claire to do that instead, so Rose was replaced. Still, Rose is still out there giving advice and guiding. She'll reappear again at some point. She mainly appeared in this chapter just to remind people that I have not forgotten about the Fate/Destiny storyline either xD It's still there, it's just sort of in the background like it was for the majority of Warehouse. As for future Ariana, I'm just going to leave all of that up to your imagination for now. This isn't something I plan to address for a good while. In fact, at the moment I have no plans to bring future Ariana back for a third visit. That said, I've been developing plans for the future. I've always wanted to try my hand at writing fantasy and I'm using this as a way to slowly create a fantasy world without having to jump into it immediately. Fantasy isn't an area that I feel at all comfortable writing in, so I need to ease myself into it :P I have the Coven and their school that I can go and tell stories in some day, or I can do something with Sienna and Divinity, or Michael and the Dawnguard. It's all connected in a way, but they could all be separate stories able to be read without ever needing to read any of the others. A sort of anthology series or something. Future Ariana would certainly be part of that in some way. And on that note, I'm completely rambling and totally off topic :P

    I've had that scene with Sophia in the back of my mind for years. Even when Sophia's Mike (I've got to stop naming new characters after old ones :P) died, I had a vague idea of this scene even though I had no idea what would bring it about. Actually, 'idea' is too strong of a word for what I had in mind at the time, but still :P In a way, this chapter is the payoff for something I've been planning for years. That's one reason why I specifically didn't mention Sophia's feelings on the matter at the time. I knew I wanted to do this scene (which for whatever reason always took place in a basement, although for the life of me I don't know why) so I held off for a while. This isn't something Sophia would have hit Snow with right after everything happened, so it was pushed back to now. I completely agree with you about Snow's feelings on being selfish. She's being really hard on herself. I'd say she's got the right to be a little selfish with everything she's dealing with. At this point though, she's begun to realize just how much she doesn't ever want to be like Sara and everything Steven told her back on Founder's Day has weighed on her ever since. She doesn't want Steven to be right, yet she's staring at proof that he was. That's really hard for her to deal with. She wants to be better than Sara was, but now she's convinced she's no better at all and that's really painful for her.

    Clara is definitely reaching her breaking point, that's a certainty. All of them are, really. She's consumed by guilt over what she did to Jacob, and the relationship she's built with him (and her potential feelings for him) has only made things worse. She wants to tell him the truth, but after what happened the last time she crossed JTG, she's rightfully scared. JTG had her mother fired within a day just for blocking her number, so if she outright defies JTG's instructions not to tell Jacob the truth, then she's just asking for trouble. Then again, it's JTG we're talking about :P She makes up her own rules, so who knows? Maybe she'll throw a monkey wrench into the whole situation. Anything's possible. Anyway, I'm glad you liked this part of the chapter. I've been wanting to include Jacob much more than I have, but with so many characters all demanding attention he just doesn't get as much page time. Also, for a long time I wasn't really sure what I was going to do with him. He was a plot device for Clara's secret and nothing more. Now that I know how I'm going to use him, he should start to appear that much more. As for what might happen when they meet... well, things will happen. Let's just leave it at that :P   

    Lol, no, no, they couldn't possibly have gotten access to all of Sara's secrets. It would have told them too much and where would the fun be in that? xD It was JTG, by the way, that fried the computer. It's not made explicitly clear in the chapter, but its not meant to be any kind of big secret. As for what's in the rest of the files, they'll be looking at those in the next chapter. That video kind of distracted them :P Anyway, with Miranda I'd say its less that she wanted to destroy him and more about the fact that she could if she wanted to. She's blackmailing him, basically, into giving her whatever she wants. She had his career, his marriage, and his reputation held in her hands. There wasn't much poor Tony could do. Heh, well you probably should be worried about Snow's plan. It's rash, no doubt, but they do have to do something. It may not work, but for the moment it's all they've got. I suppose that's really one of their biggest problems at the moment. They're convinced that Tony and Rachel are their only enemy, and based on the evidence they've collected I can't really blame them. Still, it's certainly possible that Tony and Rachel have someone or even a group of people helping them and if they do then all of their planning might be completely for naught. If they're wrong and Tony and Miranda aren't alone in all this, Snow and the gang could be in a lot more trouble than they realize. Rachel does have a job, by the way. I have no idea if I ever mentioned it before and right now I couldn't even tell you what job she's supposed to have, but she does indeed have one :P Allow that to affect your JTG theories however you wish xD

    It was Emilia that Zoe fought, so no reason at all to feel like an idiot :P The only reason I didn't outright confirm it in the chapter is because Zoe has no idea who Emilia is and it would have seemed odd for her to announce herself so directly before doing battle :P Anyway, yes, it was her and she's not that shy, nervous girl anymore, is she? You'll find out pretty quickly what Zoe thinks about whether or not Emilia is dead, and maybe get a bit more information about... related stuff xD Anything else I say would drift into spoiler territory, I'm afraid. But yeah, some of the magical stuff is starting to filter in more and more. It's certainly an uncomfortable time for me because, well I have to write scenes like that battle from time to time. That was quite a challenge considering how short it was and I'm not at all sure of the quality of the fight, but it was my first non-scifi action sequence so I guess it'll do. But yes, stuff and things are coming. I still don't know how much will happen before the sequel comes around, though. With this chapter we've entered Snowfall's final act and I'm pretty focused on JTG leading up to the finale which is approaching faster than I expected, so the magic may take a bit of a backseat to the JTG mystery. If so, the Coven and especially Sienna wouldn't appear until the sequel, but I can say with certainty that if they do get pushed to the sequel, you can expect much more of the magical storyline right from the start and hopefully it'll be worth the wait. There will be a lot less secrets on that front to be sure and it'll take a much more upfront role than it has so far. That'll be great for me as well because I can finally stop holding back so many secrets :P

    Commented on: February 22, 2017

  • Stories from the Island

    I'm sorry for taking ages to get to this. I read it just after you posted it, but sadly it's been a crazy couple of weeks and I haven't had a chance to comment until now. Anyway, this... heartbreaking doesn't quite describe what I feel when I read this. It's beautiful in a way, but really sad. I expected this to be a sad one considering that opening, but this really tugged at the heartstrings. As much as I hate to make the reference, there's a bit of a Romeo and Juliet feel to this in the way that 805 and Michelle are star-crossed lovers and we already know that they're doomed from the very beginning. And yet despite that, I still found myself hoping 805 would agree to run away with Michelle even though I know he doesn't. I'm also left wondering what might have happened if Michelle had told him she was pregnant. It seems pretty clear that's what she initially intended to tell him and I'm quite curious what he would have done if he had known at the time. I still don't think he would have run away with her, but I suppose anything is possible. As for the woman in 805's dream there at the beginning, at first I thought it could be his mother, but then that doesn't really make much sense seeing as he has said that his family doesn't mean anything to him and he doesn't know them anyway, so that's unlikely. Maybe his trainer? I feel like it's really obvious and I'm just missing it. That's what I get for trying to form thoughts after one in the morning :P

    It was nice to see this side of 805. He seems very different from the 805 that we know from the main series. He's younger and in love and it was good to see that part of him. We don't get to see a happy 805 on a regular basis and although he wasn't particularly happy for much of this story at all, there's a glimpse of it so I enjoyed that. And in a complete and total mood whiplash (:P) we also get to see exactly what 805 meant when he told Carey that he didn't want to live and tried to make it happen. It was interesting that it was this that Michelle was thinking about when she decided not to tell him about her pregnancy. I imagine she was considering what he might do if she told him the truth and I can't blame her for keeping it to herself despite how hard it must have been. Still, their final moments together were really sweet and Michelle taught him a valuable lesson: Gifted can fall in love. And then the ending with him realizing that he'll never see Michelle again and starts to cry... let's put it this way, you're getting way too good at making me cry :P Anyway, this one might be my favorite of the short stories so far. There's a lot of backstory which I always like and it adds so much to 805's character. This is definitely one of those times that goes to show that some of the best romances can be the ones where love doesn't conquer all. You know from the start what happens and that they're doomed, but even so I wanted them to make it. I'm not sure how you managed to make me feel that, but you did it and you did it well. Good job :)

    "Besides, you're pretty hot, so it's worth it." That is exactly what every single one of his fangirls says xD Oh, or maybe that's just me and Hahana... nevermind :P

    Commented on: February 5, 2017

  • Cursed

    Whew, that was an intense opening. I expected we'd be in for a wild ride when Janelle and Wesley appeared again and I was not disappointed. Their escape from the Gifted was tense and exciting and I can't deny I was expecting a sudden and violent death so I was glad that didn't happen and they made it away safely. Stanley, meanwhile :( But we didn't see it happen and Evelyn and Brooke seemed to only hear yelling, so I suppose it's possible he got away. I really liked the part with Janelle trapped in the circle of earth, as well as her rather clever escape. I've got to say, Janelle's pretty badass xD I liked her thoughts on killing the Gifted man as well Our heroes haven't exactly killed whole swaths of people (Carey's well on her way, however :P) and it's interesting to see how it affects them when they are forced to kill. Her thoughts on the matter ring true, I feel. There are good and bad people on both sides, but there's a war on and there's one truth that is constant in war; people die. Then again, this guy did mention disposing of her friend rather casually so maybe he's not exactly all that great of a person.

    Evelyn makes a fair point about bringing Lena along. I can see where she's coming from, sure. Bringing a pregnant woman into a war zone isn't exactly the best idea. If they have to flee quickly, Lena would be a major liability. That said, I'm glad Janelle overruled Evelyn and brought her along. In a way, Janelle and Wesley brought the war right to Alex and Lena's doorstep so I suppose they kind of owe her in that regard. Having her along is impractical and potentially very dangerous, but it was by far the right thing to do. I was glad to see Ben's group made it back safely, although how long they'll stay safe is anyone's guess. With the Gifted having now arrived in force, I feel there's quite a battle looming on the horizon and I doubt the Knights of the Vale are waiting nearby to swoop in at the eleventh hour if things go badly. Janelle and Ben... plan carefully. There's a lot of beloved characters in the line of fire here.   

    Geez, 256 :( I feel really bad for him now. I mean, I kind of expected what happened to his mother, but watching him learn the truth was heartbreaking. He seems so sure that she left to find him. I don't cry much when reading, but damn that got to me. Still, seeing him getting to know his father a little was really nice as was his realization at the end that there are other types of families than the one he'd always envisioned and perhaps he can one day be part of that. David seems like an all-around good guy and I liked what he had to say about 256 being Gifted and that he doesn't care at all that he's one of them. His willingness to learn about 256's Gift and how he says its part of him... that was really sweet. It was also good to learn more about how 256 was taken and why David believed he had probably died. I guess in a way the Gifted saved 256's life. Since they obviously have much better medical facilities and just general knowledge on the subject than the nonGifted, 256 might very well have died if they hadn't taken him. Hmm, and here I was thinking I'd never have to thank the Gifted for something :P Anyway, I liked what you did with 256 and David's interactions. David seems so open and willing to invite his son into his home, but 256 just seems so unsure of everything.

    I can't say I blame Sarah for her reaction. As far as she's concerned, some guy just showed up at her doorstep claiming to be her son and ends up revealing her husband's deception. I don't really like using the word deception here since I don't think David at all intended anymore more than exactly what he says, but I can't think of a better word. She's justified in feeling hurt and betrayed and I can completely understand why she might not be 256's biggest fan at the moment. That said, I do hope she'll come around and help make 256 feel welcome. I'm sure it would be very awkward for her, but I'll stay hopeful for the time being.

    Haha, filled with a new hope. I know it wasn't an intentional Star Wars reference, but for some reason I got a giggle out of that xD But I'm really glad that 256 is more upbeat about things by the end. That was a nice, positive note to end the chapter on. Anyway, sorry for taking ages to get to this. Claire's given permission to blame her completely :P When I said I needed someone to schedule my days for me, I meant someone that would better balance my time so I actually manage to get things done. Insisting I spend my evenings on the couch engrossed in a True Blood marathon does not a productive night make xD Regardless, this was a really good chapter and as usual I'm worried about the lives of practically everyone, especially Janelle and the gang now that they're facing off against a reinforced group of Gifted.

    Commented on: January 25, 2017

  • Stories from the Island

    I was hoping there would be a story with more detail about the Servants, and this one is exactly what I was looking for. The Servants probably have it worse than just about anyone on the island, so it's good to finally see the world from their perspective. Seeing how they live and how they're treated in more detail is really sad. I mean, it's obvious that the Gifted see them as little more than slaves, but with the way the Gift of Fire talks about "one of them" and his smile and everything he says there at the end... geez. I mean, it's no surprise the Servants go into hysterics if they're even slightly reprimanded. If you know you might have your fingernails torn out or something, you're going to panic a bit.

    I do wonder what the Gift of Fire was doing when he left the Servant in the library alone. Since its clear he wasn't supposed to, I'm curious what he's getting up to. I can't imagine he's doing it as some sort of test for the Servant to see if he'll break and do something he's not supposed to. Given the Gifted's views of the Servants, that seems like too much time and effort spent on one of them. Curious. And also, the Gift of Fire's words upon returning are interesting. Sorry about that. That's an interesting choice of words. Why would he apologize to the Servant for leaving him there? Based upon what he says later on, he certainly doesn't think he could ever possibly inconvenience the Servant, so that's interesting as well.    

    The ending went roughly as I expected until, well, it didn't :P The second the Servant picked up that book, I knew he was sure to be caught and punished. Once he punched the Gift of Fire, I was pretty sure he was going to die. And then you turned what could have been one of the saddest stories I've read into something quite hopeful. I loved that. I was bracing for something heartbreaking, but instead what we got was a young man free from the Gifted and on the cusp of a new life. Talk about a mood whiplash xD And Rosa! Now, I know there could be other Rosas on the Island, but somehow I imagine this particular Rosa grows up to be an innkeeper. Anyway, this was another good little adventure into a different part of the world that we don't get to see much of. I thought you did a good job making me care about a character whose name we never even learn and you did it in a rather short span of time as well. Good job on this one. I'm looking forward to seeing what the next one is about :)

    Commented on: January 7, 2017

  • Stories from the Island

    Yay! You decided to do it :) I'm actually really excited for these since based on what you've said they sound intriguing. This first one is quite interesting. It was nice to get to see something so normal as a little girl's first day of school. It's such a change, both narratively and tonally, from the main story that it's quite jarring, but in a good way. Little Janelle is absolutely adorable! I like what you did with the way she speaks as well, it makes her seem that much more childlike and far removed from the woman we know. It was nice to see a bit of Janelle's family as well. I feel like we know quite a bit about them given the stories Janelle has told, but it's good to actually meet them properly. Oh, and Michelle as well! This had made me want to see more of her, especially after the things Gina said. By the way, I don't think I've ever gotten the urge to punch someone in the face quite as fast as you made me want to punch Gina. That takes talent, no doubt xD. Literally, she's annoying from her first sentence :P   

    It's safe to say I did not at all expect Alex to appear here. Seeing how they met and him giving her the nickname Jan was quite interesting. I guess I'd always assumed they had met when they had been a little older, so the fact that they met so young surprised me. This also serves as a great reminder that Alex, despite what he became, at one time was just a little boy. Perhaps a rambunctious little boy that runs away from his mother, but a little boy nonetheless. I must say, I do wonder why his mother wanted him to stay home from school. Seeing young Tom and Sam was interesting too. Tom seems happier here than he does normally, which I suppose would make sense considering. Still, seeing him fiddling about with his gloves and knowing what he's hiding is really sad. It was also sad to see Amy's behavior towards Sam. It seems pretty clear that people know Tom and Sam don't share the same father, but that's not Sam's fault. Of course, I'm assuming that's the reason for her response.

     "Our mine hasn't had a collapse in years." That right there is what we call famous last words :P That's akin to asking; "What could possibly go wrong?" Lots of things, John. Lots of things could go wrong. Stop jinxing yourself, sir :P Anyway, I really enjoyed this tiny bit of backstory and I'll be sure to get to the next one soon. This definitely adds to the main series, that's for sure. There's a lot of little things that if someone ignores your warnings and hadn't been reading Gifted/Cursed wouldn't pick up on but are clear to anyone who's been reading. It's well-written and it kept me interested all the way through to the end. In fact, you managed to leave me wanting more, especially with that last line. If only you knew, Janelle. If only you knew. 

    Commented on: January 2, 2017

  • Snowfall

    It's perfectly fine if you take a while, I completely understand :) Well, JTG's plans for Sophia are a bit more... long term, I suppose. She's only sent Sophia the one text after all, so she's not in any hurry to help Sophia learn the truth. As for your theory that there may be more to Miranda's death than is known, well there's more to everything than is currently known, so you may be on to something. It's safe to assume that you don't know what you think you know :P Also, I should point out that JTG never actually said that Miranda and Sara were killed by the same person. She said: "What if I help you kill two birds with one stone? I know who killed Sara and Miranda Sinclair." Sophia certainly took that to mean they were both killed by the same person, but JTG didn't definitively say that.

    Well, I'm glad you thought the morning after bits were okay. This chapter took way longer to write than I'd planned and it was this scene that caused most of it. Hahaha, poor Michael :P He's never going to win, is he? How many creepiness points is he up to now? He'll never recover xD Heh, your confidence in my ability to write teenage pregnancy well might be misplaced :P I have no idea how well I'd be able to write something like that if I went that way with it because I've never even attempted it before. This is yet another point that I'm honestly on the fence about. I could go either way at the moment and have story ideas for both outcomes. Mainly I'm fascinated by the idea of Snow being pregnant with Michael's baby when she finds out about Mary. Yeah, I'm sadistic like that :P Still, you're right that a baby is the last thing Snow needs to deal with right now. Her dream has helped her, but that's less about the baby and more about the idea that she's been able to live her life and be happy despite her mother's death. That and also because I'm really tired of writing horrible depressed and emotionally devastated Snow. I was honestly planning on keeping Snow in a dark place for a while longer still, but given that I try to put myself in the same emotional state as my characters, it was beginning to take more of an emotional toll on me than I was willing to accept. I mean, the chapter where Snow finds out about Ariana was written almost a year ago, so yeah. Anyway, as a result Snow's bouncing back more quickly than I'd planned, but oh well. Um... *silently commences Operation: Don't Look Like A Complete Idiot* yeah, the morning after pill. Right. Well, see, what had happened was this story takes place in the future. It takes place in 2027, so in that time doctors realized that the morning after pill was causing debilitating illnesses in women taking it, so it was banned. No one is allowed to sell it or produce it anymore. See? That's a totally believable turn of events and I absolutely didn't forget all about the morning after pill and make up all that on the spot. There's absolutely no reason for me to go back and edit anything about the morning after pill at all. No, I've made zero mistakes here and don't need to go back and edit anything. These are not the droids you're looking for. Nothing to worry about. Move along :P

    Hmph, Hogwarts? Hogwash. Ilvermorny's where it's at :P Yeah, that's probably the laziest name for a school of magic and I'll admit I didn't put a lot of time into it. At the moment I doubt we'll ever even see Newcastle (unless I ever decide to go ahead with that Coven-focused short story I've got bouncing around in my head) but I still wanted to flesh out the Coven a little bit before we meet them properly. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you but Sienna isn't going to appear for quite a while. In fact, she likely won't appear until the sequel but hopefully the wait will be worth it. She's not at all what most people think of when they think of a princess, let's put it that way. Hmm, you're the second person to think of the city of Alexandria. Interesting. I'll just say that you're not completely off the mark with that one. Not completely off the mark at all. As for Sienna's kingdom, it's actually called Divinity. It's been mentioned, but I've never made it at all clear that Divinity was her kingdom. 

    The meeting with Dr Pinder was probably the thing that has helped Snow the most, although I don't think she's realized it yet. He's set her on the right track for recovery, but it's still up to her to stay on course. Good old Dr. Pinder has decades of experience in dealing with secretive, closed off people so he's gotten really good at reading people so he picks up on the JTG problem fairly quickly. He has no idea what's going on, of course, but he can tell she's keeping something big to herself. When I started this chapter I hadn't planned on talking about Ariana's time there at all. When I was writing it just seemed to fit so I went with it. I was glad because I never really explored too much of what happened to Ariana while she was at Harbor Bay, so it was fun to get to do that. And yes, Pookie is quite safe and going to live with a nice family. But no, it's not at all because JTG loves cats and has everything to do with scaring the crap out of Snow and making her realize just how far she's willing to go. Snow suspected it before, but now she knows that JTG can and will kill people.

    Hahahaha, I'm sorry xD That line just fit so perfectly into this that I knew it had to be the title. Given my love of Taylor Swift, it was bound to happen and once I thought of it I couldn't change it. But at least you didn't get Holiday stuck in your head after the last chapter since that title is a line from that song :P Apparently I'm choosing my titles based on song lyrics now or something, I don't know. Anyway, thanks so much for commenting :) Oh, and Merry Christmas! I know it's early but unless I get a sudden injection of free time between now and Sunday (and given all the holiday related stuff I have going on over the next couple of days, that seems unlikely) I won't be able to return the PM before Christmas, so I'll just say it here instead xD 

    Commented on: December 23, 2016

  • Cursed

    Oh, the feels! So so many feels in the chapter and I was completely unprepared for it. I wasn't expecting this chapter to make me as happy as it did, either. Good things have happened and I'm just... ah, good times xD Anyway, Carey and Sam there at the beginning were, as usual, entirely too cute and funny. Carey did about as good a job as I would have when attempting to hide something :P I may have said this before but I can't remember if I have because my memory's crap, but you do a great job at creating fantastic characters with storylines that are completely capable of standing on their own. Characters are, to me at least, the most important part of a good story. A story with just these characters and their personal storylines of dealing with family issues and stuff would be perfectly interesting even without the overarching plot that ties it all together. I'm rambling and getting completely off topic, but Carey and Sam at the beginning reminded me of all that. Anyway, I completely understand where Sam is coming from when she says she's annoyed that she's annoyed. It's understandable despite their relationship (or lack thereof) that she would be annoyed by 805's actions. At the end of the day, he's still her father and watching him drink himself unconscious likely would bother her, even if she's not all that fond of him. Speaking of 805, I'm glad he's okay. I was really worried about him in the last chapter, so I was glad to see he's hanging in there and keeping his fangirl close by :P Hahana, as always, is hilarious. I mean, it was a perfectly fitting Hahana plan to build a bridge across the ocean even if she was only saying it to cheer 805 up. She's actually really sweet, isn't she? Although I do wonder why Maui seemed sad. There's a story there.

    The scene at the graveyard was quite sad. As 805 says, I think its fitting that Michelle's gravestone engraving is fairly straightforward and simple. Sam is usually a woman of few words after all. I imagine I'd feel the same and nothing I could think of for my parent's gravestone would never be enough. I loved the moment with 805 and Sam just standing there together. I thought it was sweet and a tiny little step towards creating some sort of relationship. I still don't know if they'll ever be anything more than what they are now, but things like this give me a tiny bit of hope that they could be. It's a long way away regardless. Well, damn. I didn't expect them to run into Alex. That was quite a surprise, almost as surprising as I sure Sam's sudden assault was for poor Alex :P I won't say he deserved it, but in the same situation I'd have the same response Sam did. Hahana has a good point that revenge doesn't really get you anywhere, but being the better person just isn't nearly as satisfying as punching someone in the face :P Still, it's very possible that Alexander is a completely different person now than he was back then and if he is then I feel he deserves a chance to earn forgiveness. Then again, he could be a massive asshat in which case I don't feel much sympathy for him. Either way, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for the moment until I see what he's up to.

    Oh, 256 :) Oh, I'm so happy right now. I never actually thought he'd find his family. I mean, that just usually doesn't happen in these types of stories so I'm really glad you went this way. Typically they're dead or something else horrible has happened to them, so going this direction is a really nice change from the norm. I know terrible things could still happen, but I'm going to take what you've given me for now :P Although I am interested in the differences between his father's reaction and his mother's. She didn't really act as though it were even possible 256 were her son, yet you can tell instantly that David knows something just by the way he responds. I'm wondering now if maybe something has happened to his mother and his father has since remarried. It has been a really long time, after all. Then again, as David said he never thought 256 would survive anyway, so maybe she just doesn't think its possible. Hmm, but that raises another interesting question; why did David think 256 wouldn't survive? I can't imagine the Gifted have too high of a death rate when it comes to their stolen children. That's very interesting. And Gareth! It was October 19th, 2014 when you told me 256's name started with a G. I've been waiting for this moment for two years one month and eighteen days. Let's put it this way; I read this chapter on my tablet on the subway and people will look at you strangely if you squeal excitedly for no apparent reason. I've done this before so I should have learned my lesson by now :P I love it. I never thought of it I'll admit, but I do like it. Of course, I'm reminded of Sir Gareth from Authurian legend. Coincidentally (or perhaps not and you did this on purpose) Gareth seems to mean 'gentle' in Welsh, which does seem to be a trait of 256's. Also, if you haven't already, don't look up Gareth on Urban Dictionary. I'm serious. You'll regret it and never look at 256 the same way again :P Anyway, okay I'm officially in love with Helena xD She's awesome and I hope we get to see more of her. She's stubbornly persistent, isn't she? I guess someone should have told 256 that some names are girl's names and others are boy's names :P Of course you're a girl. I laughed way too much at that line, I must say. I did feel sorry for 256 though, poor guy. It seems like he's been mistaken for being a girl quite a few times in the past.

    Anyway, I've rambled enough for tonight. I went into this chapter expecting... well, I don't know exactly what I was expecting, but I wasn't prepared for all the feels at the end. I think you did a really good job building up 256 meeting his family, only to seemingly have it ripped away from him before turning it around again and having him meet his father. Hmm, you know what? Maybe we should just start doing a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants thing and share this mood whiplash crown :P Anyway, this was a good, emotional chapter with a number of funny moments to balance it all out. I can't wait to see what happens next, especially with 256 (or should I start calling him Gareth now?) and his newfound family. 

    Commented on: December 7, 2016

  • Snowfall

    No worries for taking a while :) Believe me, I understand. Besides, I know you've been busy with school and stuff and until I start paying you for this service, I don't have any reason to complain :P I think you're completely correct that there's really nothing Ariana and Kayla could have done to prepare Snow for what's happening. Snow certainly was sheltered and she isn't at all prepared to face a world that doesn't love her and want the best for her, but what's going on now isn't something they could have helped her be ready to deal with. So yeah, Ariana is being quite hard on herself in that regard. Still, you'd be hard pressed to convince her of that at the moment. It's probably her biggest fear now, dying and leaving Snow unprepared and she genuinely feels that she failed to do that. Of course, now she's afraid she doesn't have enough time left to fix her 'mistake'. Hahaha, its funny you mention fancy lingerie because I was considering her doing something along those lines in addition to dying her hair. I cut it though simply because in Snow's mindset when they left for the warehouse, she wasn't even thinking about the possibility that she might end up sleeping with Michael. She knew it could potentially happen, but she didn't plan it, so bringing sexy lingerie didn't fit. But yeah, I'd been thinking of having Snow do something with her hair for a while I just wasn't sure what. It took a while before I finally settled on her dyeing it. It's definitely refreshing for her and it has helped her a little bit. Not a lot, mind, but it's a step in the right direction. As for what everyone will say back home... well, I imagine she'll definitely get some comments on it, that's for sure :P

    I know right? Mary always seems to have to worst luck :( The person she's talking about isn't anyone we've met yet. He's but one of a rather sizable group of new characters waiting in the wings to be introduced. He'll appear at some point in the future, although likely not until the next story in the series. As I'm planning on wrapping this one up somewhere around chapter 60-65, I don't have time to bring him in. He's out there somewhere though xD Yes, I was glad to finally get to bring Rachel in as well. She's super fun xD She's the kind of villain I love writing. She's justified, in a way, for doing the things she's doing. These girls in essence murdered her daughter and she wants revenge. I can't really say I blame her all that much, unfortunately. But what makes me like writing her is that she's utterly ruthless and definitely vengeful. She wants revenge and she won't stop until she gets it. Haha, well hopefully this Rachel did throw you off. I mean, if your sister is anything like my Rachel you might want to call the police xD Hmm, who took the photo indeed? That's a good question, so of course I'm not going to answer it :P Maybe Rachel took it herself? Although, anyone could have been lurking in the woods that night. I like that the sense of someone else lurking in the shadows seems to still be holding on. Even though I'm obviously supporting the idea that Tony and Rachel are JTG, we've not officially said that's the case so I'm glad you still think there's someone else out there. Also, I think it's safe to say at this point that you might not have to wait too much longer to find out if you're right.

    Yeah, so... this part. Like you, I knew it was coming but I didn't know for sure it would be this chapter. I'd considered putting it off a bit longer since it was all fairly predictable, but here we are. Anyway, I actually agree with you about sex scenes. I don't like writing them at all. I don't write them, honestly. I think I've done two now? Ariana and Kayla had one way back when, but I can't think of another that I've done since then. I'd planned on just doing the typical fade to black and move on and in a way I kind of wish I'd done that. I don't hate this scene, but I'm not completely happy with it and I doubt I ever will be. I had the hardest time with it and I wrote... geez, about six different versions of it before I settled on this. It was tough because like you say it was either going to end up being cheesy or gross. I knew I didn't want to be descriptive and use certain words or give much detail at all. That, of course, ends up heading directly towards the cheesiness since you've got to fill the page with something. Now seems as good a time as any to confess to you the lengths to which I went to write this. I'll admit that I was desperate for inspiration, so like anyone in today's world, I turned to the internet for help. This was a very bad idea :P A quick Google search led me to a lovely little site called Literotica, which is basically the Sparkatale for erotica authors. In the back of my mind, I knew what I was getting into before I even started, but I thought maybe I could find something that would be in the same vein of what I wanted the scene to be and maybe it would inspire me. So, there I am on the main page looking at the categories, and oh are there categories. I won't list them here, but let's just say if you can imagine it (and there were a couple I hadn't thought of before xD) it's there. But right there in the middle was a 'How To' category. Perfect, I thought. Surely this would be a section where people post guides and ideas on erotic storytelling. This would surely be exactly what I needed. I have never in my life been more wrong. The very first article in the list was titled How to Shave Pubic Hair: The Second Best Way. Now, first of all, I have questions. Why the second best way? I mean, if there's a best way, why take the time to explain the second best way. Secondly, how many ways are there to shave? It all seems fairly self explanatory to me. Regardless, slightly disturbed by my first finding, I moved on. The second in the list was dubbed Save the Cat? No, Burn the Bitch. I still have questions, but I was much too frightened to even dare open that one. When I got to number 3, the title of which was so graphic I probably shouldn't type it in the comments section, I promptly closed the website and have since sworn never to return. I've seen things now. Things I can't unsee. I'm a changed woman :P I don't really know why I felt the need to share the depths I sunk to in order to write this, but there it is and now you know. Anyway, hopefully it's not too bad although I doubt I'll be trying my hand at another sex scene again in the near future either way. I was trying to expand my horizons and do something I don't normally do and I've discovered I didn't enjoy it nearly as much as you might think :P 

    Anyway, thanks so much for commenting :) Oh, but just because Snow's happy doesn't automatically mean something bad has to happen. This isn't back in the Warehouse days where we constantly go from them being happy to ruining their lives and back again. Besides, what else could I possibly do to Snow at this point? Oh right... lots of things :P

    P.S. Experiencedness is now officially added to my vocabulary and I will be using it regularly xD

    Commented on: October 16, 2016

  • Cursed

    Ack, sorry for being horribly late with this. This turned into a really long, weird week and I ended up getting some kind of bug that's kept me in bed the last few days. Anyway, firstly, congrats on hitting 210,000 words perfectly on the nose. I doubt you did that on purpose, but still it's cool. So, I must say I have mixed feelings about this chapter. It's wonderfully written from beginning to end, but the emotional turmoil you've left me in will not go away any time soon. But let's start at the beginning and come back to that bit.

    Scott is certainly very interesting. As usual with any new character, I'm immediately suspicious of him although I'm not at all sure why. He just seems... I don't know. He seems shifty somehow. Who's this Ennis that wasn't supposed to be visiting? Many questions :P Regardless, getting to learn more about Sam, Thomas, and Scott and their lives before the rebellion was really nice. The lengths Michelle had to go to keep Thomas safe from the Gifted is really sad, having to keep him locked away so often to protect him :( At least he finally met Scott, I imagine that helped him somewhat. Oh, and Sam and Carey sure do end up sharing beds a lot, don't they? Still silently shipping Samrey over here :P But that ending. Geez, that was... unexpected. That conversation between Carey and 805 was very well written. It was great to get more of 805's backstory and see how he and Michelle met and the reasons he chose not to take Thomas away. I really enjoyed that, especially with how closed off 805 usually is. Alcohol will do that to you, I suppose :P But it's really interesting to see that even 805 hated being at the Council. I wonder how many other Gifted have felt the same? And much like Carey, I could've gone my whole life without picturing 805 and Michelle having sex on the couch xD Hahana and I may very well be the founding members of the 805 fan club and have posters of him on our bedroom walls, but there are some things we just don't need to know :P Anyway, I'm very worried for 805, to say the very least. Carey left him alone when he's very drunk and certainly sounds suicidal to me. He's apparently tried to do so before and he's quite clearly not in a good place right now. I don't see this ending well at all. 

    As for Janelle's part, well... heck. I knew something bad was going to happen when the Gifted arrived, but wow that escalated quickly :P I thought it would be Alex or his wife that would turn them in. I was sure Alex was leading them into a trap. But no, we've got Polly to thank for that. Random fact, I knew a Polly in high school. She was a troublesome little bitch too :P Still, I can't really blame her for doing what she did. She did what she thought was best even if that makes me want to push her off a cliff. Alex's murder was sudden and really shocking. I wasn't expecting him to die so quickly at all, so that was a surprise. As was Lena's opinion on the rebellion. I would have imagined her view would have been similar to Alex's, but I was glad to be wrong. Hopefully more people will have that same viewpoint, although I imagine Lena (if she survives) will likely have an even stronger opinion on the Gifted after they murdered her husband. I also loved Lena's speech to Alex about the rebellion as well. I was reminded of a quote from Dumbledore in GoF where he says "Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy." She's right about that. The easy choice isn't always the right one. In fact, it usually isn't. Anyway, I really have no idea how Janelle and Wesley will get out of this one. Unless some of the other rebels somehow come and help, they're outgunned and, once those reinforcements arrive, outnumbered. They're backed into quite the corner and I can't imagine how they'll manage to get out of it. I really liked how you left both sides of the story hanging with lots of tension, danger, and uncertainty even though both sets of characters are in completely different situations. Anyway, enough of my ramblings for one night. I really enjoyed this chapter and you've managed to raise the level of tension and fear significantly in just one chapter. I'm anxiously awaiting the next one because I can't help but feel that not all will end well.

    Commented on: September 18, 2016

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Yeah, I've known everything with Scarlett had to come up soon. I wasn't quite sure when, but I knew it had to be soon. This ended up being a chapter filled with sadness anyway, so I squeezed Scarlett's breakdown in there just so I could be done with it during an already depressing chapter. I mean, I end it by killing millions of people, so you know :P That's always why I put in what I like to call 'Happy Abby' there at the beginning with her talking about her love of space (which is really just me sharing my own love and thoughts about space xD) to counter-balance all the sadness. Abby really did do the best job she could have done trying to help Scarlett. Her self-confidence is practically zero when it comes to anything not related to her job, so she doesn't think she has any hope of actually being any use to Scarlett. Despite that though, she has some pretty strong motherly instincts and they serve her well when she listens to them. As for whether or not Abby will tell Scarlett, well its unlikely that she'll willingly reveal the information unless she's forced to. She doesn't want Scarlett to know, so unless she's forced into it she'll keep it to herself. Scarlett is pretty smart though, so it's certainly possible she could find out on her own. Jake noticed their resemblance quite quickly, so Scarlett could as well. Subconsciously, I think Scarlett already knows but just hasn't realized it yet. But yeah, I wouldn't say you'll have to wait too long to find out. This not being in the mystery genre, I don't have to keep too many secrets xD

    You're right that Abby will probably never completely let go of what happened with the car crash. That moment has come to define who she is and why she does some of the things she does. She'll never forgive herself for it, and what's worse is that the navy won't allow her to be punished for it. Her punishment, essentially, is living with it. As you say though, in Abby's situation most people would probably lose their minds. I know I would. She's being exceptionally hard on herself, but that's who Abby is.

    The Na'Vaxii have the military and naval power to wipe the Federation from the face of the galaxy. Yeah, just let that sink in for a minute :P The Federation is hopelessly outmatched by the Na'Vaxii in population, military might, industrial capacity, pretty much everything. That said, there certainly are reasons why they haven't just swept humanity aside. It's mentioned somewhere (I hope :P It's supposed to be in there somewhere, but I can't remember exactly which chapter) that the Na'Vaxii destroy one or two planets a year, sometimes less. They hit humanity, knock them back, show them who's boss, and then withdraw engaging only in small skirmishes and random ambushes in the interim. Why attack the Inner Colonies now? There's a reason, but we won't get to it for a very long time :P But still, if you look at how the Na'Vaxii fight the war and how they seem to view the threat level humanity poses to them, you might be able to pretty much figure it out. As for Jake, Abby, Scarlett and the rest, well they'll definitely be involved. We haven't seen the last of Endeavour and the crew either.  

    See? This is what happens when I change things :P Scarlett was never meant to be anything but a redhead, it was her natural hair color. But then I got the bright idea (after writing hundreds of pages worth of material with her as a redhead) that she and Abby would be related and I wanted their hair color to match, so now I've got to go back and change every reference to her being a redhead. Either that, or she'll dye her hair back red again so I don't have to worry about it. On second thought, that's probably what I'll do. 

    Commented on: August 28, 2016

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for commenting :D Haha, wendigos are a real myth and I’m somewhat fascinated by that particular myth. Sophia on the other hand doesn’t care either way and thinks Brad is just making things up. It wasn’t intentional since the wendigo was the first supernatural creature that popped into my head, but according to folklore, wendigos supposedly are native to the Great Lakes region which is coincidently where the story takes place. Sometimes everything just falls into place xD Anyway, yeah I wasn’t completely sure at what point Sophia would arrive and I ran through a couple of scenarios but ultimately settled on this one for a couple of reasons. The biggest one being that if Sophia were to see that room right now, a lot of things would have to change. Once the JTG secret gets out, its out for good so if I involve Sophia directly and give her too much information then the police have too much information, which disturbs my carefully crafted plans :P Yes, sometimes I have carefully crafted plans. I don't just make this up as I go along. Seriously. Stop looking at me like that :P Sending Sophia out on a mission to figure out what’s going on between Tony and the gang let’s me involve her without having to do much else or involve even more characters. I’m lazy like that :P As for Tony covering for them… well, assuming that he is in fact JTG (and I’m not saying that he is) he would want the game to continue. JTG’s not ready for the game to end and I don’t think she wants the police to get involved just yet, if at all. We still don’t know what it is that JTG actually wants other than to keep playing this game. I imagine JTG would be willing to protect them if it meant continuing the game. If Tony isn’t JTG, then maybe he doesn’t want them to go to jail for breaking and entering, but for murdering his stepdaughter. Or maybe he wants to kill them himself for revenge and involving the police would complicate matters. I’m not being remotely helpful at making you any less confused, am I? Yeah, didn’t think so xD That’s a great observation about Tony and JTG’s demeanors. JTG seems a bit wild and immature and volatile is especially a good word to describe her. I will tell you this much; whoever JTG is he or she is an amazing actor. By the time we get to the end (which is actually coming up a bit faster than I’d anticipated) I don’t suspect anyone to have figured everything out. That’s mainly down to JTG being such a good actor. I’ve said before that by the time we get to the JTG reveal, she’ll be a character that’s appeared in the story previously. But as I’m still going to be introducing a few new characters before then, I’m not saying if she’s appeared yet or not :P      

    JTG or not, Tony is that good of an actor as well. He’s a smooth operator and I’ve been thinking of him as Sara on steroids :P He’s a master manipulator, an exceptional liar, and he also has really great hair xD So yeah, his look of concern when the video was mentioned could be him just playing them, or he could be genuinely worried that they have it. Still, you're right that them having the video could certainly bring about some serious repercussions. Tony will in no way, shape, or form want them to keep that video. They may have just made things a lot worse for themselves. And of course no one’s even broached the topic of Tony’s wife, Rachel xD What? I said nothing :P I’m actually quite glad you felt sorry for Jackson here. He’s kind of had a hard time with everything that’s happened between him and Snow. Snow, from his perspective especially, bounced back from their breakup very quickly. She ended up with Michael much faster than Jackson ever thought possible and that hurts him. But yeah, Snow’s way of comforting him doesn’t help at all. It’s probably made him feel worse about it. Snow has her own problems though and she’s still mad at him for punching Michael, so she’s not feeling very friendly toward Jackson at the moment so it probably wasn’t the best time for them to have that conversation. You know, that’s a very interesting question indeed. What would Snow do if she found out Emilia used magic to seduce Jackson and that he was completely innocent and hadn’t actually cheated on her? The fact that he did the same thing that she did helped Snow quite a bit in dealing with that breakup. Both of them were at fault so it made it a bit easier for her. If that weren’t the case… hmm, that’s very interesting and honestly at the moment I don’t have an answer for you. But… maybe someday xD

    Lol, my sister constantly refers to Michael as a cradle-robbing pervert so that line was specifically for her xD She got a good laugh out of it too. Going back to the warehouse was a huge help for Snow. She loves that place as much as Ariana does and going back there makes her feel happy despite everything she's dealing with. As for what else will happen at the warehouse, if you're thinking what I think you're thinking then... probably :P I haven't decided for sure, but... yeah, I'm going with 'probably' xD So yeah, Snow's dream/hallucination/actual visit from her time-traveling daughter was as much help to Snow as going to the warehouse. Probably more, come to think of it. It gave her something to fight for, something to believe in. That's the thing she's needed the most; the idea that she could recover from losing her mom. She's starting down the road to recovery. She's still got a long way to go, but this was definitely a turning point for her. Heh, Ariana is absolutely the name I was thinking of for the girl. At least, for her first name. For her middle name, I have other ideas :P I gave her a really toned down version of Ariana's old personality from Warehouse specifically for that reason. I kind of wish I'd kept her around a bit longer because it was fun to write her. Dream or not, I may have to find a way to bring her back at some point. Despite my very best efforts (and believe me, I've tried) nothing I do will ever help Michael become and less creepy than he appears. I wrote some of the sweetest, sappiest, most romantic scenes I could in an attempt to make Michael seem less... well, like the cradle-robbing pervert he appears to be xD All that did was make him seem even creepier than normal xD So, in the creepiness department, poor Michael is screwed :P

    I was considering a pretty awful murder for Dennis before I thought it might be more interesting for his death to appear natural. That idea comes from a couple of friends who have told me that if anyone that knows me at all decides they want to kill me they'll just force peanut butter down my throat and no one will ever know I was murdered :P I have lovely friends. But yeah, JTG doesn't want to attract any unwanted attention and another murder in a small town would attract attention. This way, no one's looking for a killer. Well, Dennis had a cat entirely because you mentioned it, so you may as well get to name it too xD I haven't thought up a name yet, but Pookie fits perfectly. He'll find a good home soon, I promise. Someone's taking really good care of him in the meantime though... Bwahahahahaha xD

    Commented on: August 23, 2016

  • Cursed

    So 'tomorrow' very quickly turned into 'it's Sunday night and I refuse to go to bed until I finish this' :P Such is my life :/ Anyway, I've been waiting for a chapter from 256's POV ever since Carey told him the truth because I've been really interested in seeing how he's processing everything. Seeing things from his perspective puts everything that's happened between them into... well, perspective. I really like that 256 keeps saying he isn't angry at Carey. Obviously there's feelings of hurt and betrayal there, but 256 certainly has the right to be very angry with Carey. Still, I think it fits his character so much more that he's not outright furious with her and instead seems more confused about why she would keep such a big secret from him. It's so in keeping with the way his character has been portrayed so far. He seems really lost as well as to what he wants to do now. He's talking about going off with 805 or staying in the Lake Village, it seems as though he doesn't know what he wants to do next. That's perfectly understandable and I'm really interested to see what he chooses. He was kind of forced into the rebellion in a way, so now that he has a choice I'm really curious to see what he does.

    His thoughts about his past with 440 was interesting as well. Seeing 256 blaming himself for 440's descent into darkness was really saddening. He's heaping a lot of blame on himself for something that isn't his fault. Regardless of anything else that happened (and there's no doubt that what the Gifted did to 440 was horrible) 440 chose his own path. 256 was punished as well and he didn't go the way 440 did, and 256 says himself that he wasn't strong enough for the Gifted, yet still he didn't become what 440 became. I hope 256 can come to see that 440 made his own choices and I'm not sure 256 could have helped him anyway.

    256's raid of the Gifted building was tense and nerve-wracking. I was sure he was going to be caught at many different points during that scene. You wrote that entire scene really well and kept the suspense going all the way through as he's struggling with trying to read and worrying the sleeping Gifted might wake up and find him. Especially there at the end when the Servant walks in on him. I expected him to alert the Gifted and 256 to have to make a run for it, so I was surprised when things went a different way. Actually, I loved that. Save us. It reminded me not for the first time that there's another party involved here beyond the Gifted and nonGifted. In fact, I'd wager the Servants have a worse life on average than the regular nonGifted do, and yet it's easy at times to forget about them. They're silent, rarely seen, but probably suffering the most. And perhaps in realizing this, 256 could find a new reason to stay with the rebels? He did promise to try to help them, after all. Perhaps that promise will give him a purpose now.

    At least he's found where to look for his family in the end. Or, at least he knows where they were. I doubt his file would have been updated if his family was moved to a different home in the intervening years, or if his father died or was injured and couldn't work so they were kicked out. At the very least, he has a place to start looking. I don't know what he'll find or how things will go if he really does manage to find his family, but I'm glad to see he's getting closer to getting answers and finding out where he comes from. Anyway, before I ramble on too much, this was a really good chapter. There's plenty of suspense and tension throughout, yet the ending is surprisingly hopeful. I'm excited (but getting exceedingly more nervous) to see how things come together for 256. 

    Commented on: July 31, 2016

  • Cursed

    Sorry for taking forever to get to this. I wanted to do it sooner, but I'm preparing to move again sine we've got to be out of our current place on the 1st and we've got a lot of crap to pack :P Anyway, that's irrelevant. This chapter was really interesting, particularly the part about Ben. I'm fascinated by Ben, in that his just that type of character that you know there's so much more to him than we've seen. I'm curious to find out what happened between him and his family that caused them to stop caring about him. I doubt it's as straightforward as he makes it out to be, and like Janelle says it must be more than him walking out on his wife. That's not a good thing to do and I'm sure his family would certainly have opinions on that, but surely that wouldn't cause them to seemingly disown him. Very curious. It was also interesting to see how Ben came to join Caleb's group and what led to that. Especially since the Gifted attacked a place that had previously been left alone, that's rather suspicious. The Gifted don't seem the type to go burning down inns without reason, so obviously something was going on there. But what? And is Ben sincere when he says he doesn't know what it was? I think he is, but my honesty meter is known to be a bit off sometimes :P Regardless, I enjoyed learning more about Ben and I hope to see even more of him soon.

    I can't blame Janelle for keeping the other mission (and her assorted Gifted friends) a secret from Ben. I like Ben. I like Marina. Hell, I even like Caleb :P But I don't necessarily trust anyone in Caleb's group yet so I'm glad Janelle is staying cautious, especially with 256 and Carey's lives potentially on the line. Anyway, the attitudes of some of the farmers is a bit disturbing, I've got to say. Obviously I would never expect this mission to be simple and I was fully prepared for them to face opposition, but to see two examples of nonGifted outing the rebels to the Gifted is... scary to think about. It makes perfect sense though, I mean again these people are just trying to live their lives and the rebels are destabilizing that just by being there. But that's a powerful thing to try to overcome. It's not devotion to the Gifted, it's a desire to live in peace in the only way they've ever known. I don't quite know how you win people with that view over to your side.

    Have I mentioned that I love Brooke? Much like Hahana, that girl has no filter at all. She just says what she likes. Still, Janelle really doesn't need any more reminders of Alex right now. She's already had to deal with Alex the Farmer, so I'm sure she could live without Brooke's new nickname for her. It's interesting that Brooke thinks Janelle might like Ben. I suspect Ben may like Janelle, but I'm not sure Janelle is even thinking about anything like that at the moment. Reagan's death is still much too fresh in her mind, as proven by her taking his shirt out again. She may be recovering from that, but I don't think she's looking for another relationship quite yet. Then again, she doesn't deny it either. Okay, so I know you probably didn't intend for this line to be funny, but there was something about Wesley's observation that the other rebels were, in fact, too rebellious to be very funny xD I know what he means, of course. He's just worried about Carey and couldn't care less about the rebellion. Hopefully he'll finally get a happy reunion, but I'm not going to get my hopes up just yet. I feel like you're either going to give me a Jon and Sansa moment or it'll be like Arya on her way to the Red Wedding and one of them will die within minutes of reuniting xD Anyway, I really enjoyed this chapter. Learning more about Ben was great. He's such an interesting character despite his limited screen time thus far. I'm also left feeling even more worried for Janelle now that the nonGifted have started turning the rebels in to the Gifted. I still don't think she's the most likely to die out of the POV characters, but I am much more concerned for her safety. Anyway, I feel like I rambled way more tonight than I normally do. I'm sorry about that. I really wanted to get to 38 tonight as well, but it's now 1am and my sentences are starting to lose coherency (this assumes my sentences were coherent to begin with :P) so I'll have to put it off till tomorrow.

    Commented on: July 24, 2016

  • Snowfall

    Yeah, Snow doesn't really see the point in seeing a specialist at this point. She doesn't think anyone will be able to help her, so she views it as a waste of time. She only agrees to go because Kayla and Ariana want her to. But you're right, she's talking about Dr. Pinder and if anyone can help Snow, it would be him. I'm always looking for opportunities to bring back members of the old cast, so this seemed the perfect time to Dr. Pinder to return.

    I'm glad you enjoyed the break in :) I'm not completely confident in the quality of the writing for that scene. It didn't come as easily as I'd hoped, but it is what it is. The video of Tony and Miranda was a surprise even to me. I've been holding onto that video for a while now, trying to figure out where to fit it in. It was going to be way back in chapter 32 which was meant to be a flashback to the Miranda thing, but when that changed I didn't have a place to work it in. This seems the perfect place to do it. But yes, this is the secret that Sara knew about Miranda. Well, there's more to it (isn't there always :P) but that's the general idea. There are actually several parallels between Miranda and Sara. They were a lot alike. They thought alike and their circumstances ended up pretty similar. Their fathers both died, neither had a close relationship with their mother, they were both very popular, just a lot of things like that. Also, they were both murdered :P Hahaha, well you should be suspicious of Steven. Heck, you should be suspicious of everyone. Steven has a secret just like everyone else and there's every possibility that his secret involves frequent and regular breaking and entering. Or perhaps he's just secretly obsessed with CSI xD

    There's been a fairly even divide between people who believe I've revealed JTG in this chapter and those that think Miranda's parents are just a diversion. Who's right? I ain't saying :P I will say that they know about the room. As you say, it would be practically impossible for them not to know about a room like that in their own house. JTG is certainly a ninja, but even she's not that good. As for why she'd want to frame Miranda's parents (assuming they aren't JTG) well, there's any number of reasons for that. She says there at the end that she's bringing her game towards its end. She's preparing to wrap this up and get to her endgame and she knows her identity will come out at that point, but she wouldn't want that to happen beforehand. Or maybe she has a reason to want Tony and Rachel to go down with Snow and the gang. Or maybe she's just out to destroy as many lives as possible. Or, as Claire suggested to me the other day, maybe JTG is actually not the bad guy but is instead a vigilante that's determined to expose everyone's dirty secrets and bring them to justice :P I'm still not sure how I feel about that last one.

    I think it'd be safe to say Sophia wouldn't be very happy with them if she caught them breaking into someone's house. Having to arrest all of Snow's friends wouldn't be easy for her at all, especially not now. Still, if she caught them she wouldn't have much choice in the matter. Now, if she were to find the JTG room... things would get interesting. Although, that's likely to happen either way :P Lol, yes, Dennis had to have his cat xD I was determined to bring him back just so he could have his cat. That cat will be safe, no matter what Dennis's fate is. I've already killed one cat in this story. I couldn't stand doing it again. I'm sure we'll see it again at some point in the future. Anyway, thanks so much for the comment and if there was rambling, it was interesting rambling :) Getting people's thoughts and ideas on chapters like these helps immensely. Now, go to bed :P Technically considering its 10:45 at night over here it'd be early in the morning where you are, but whatever :P Extra sleep never hurt anyone.

    Commented on: July 10, 2016

  • Cursed

    What does Sam have against you sleeping, Carey? I do believe you've got that the wrong way round, my dear :P Ah, sweet, sweet revenge. I swear, those two are entirely too cute. If you're not careful I'm going to start shipping Camantha before long :P Samrey? Forget it. I'm terrible at coming up with shipping names. Anyway, I find it to be a rare thing that I enjoy a chapter as much as I did this one while at the same time making me feel quite sad. Carey is really in a bad place right now, it seems. 256 as well, but we don't get a POV from him in this chapter so my focus is on Carey. She's clearly not okay, despite repeated affirmations that she is. She seems to be just holding it together all throughout the chapter. Samantha does have a good point that Carey should have told 256 the whole truth about everything 440 did, but even if she had I'm not sure it would have done much to make 256 any less angry. Not that I can blame him for being angry and upset. He has every right to be. Still, I'm glad Carey has such a loyal defender on her side in this even if she did dig the hole for herself. I feel really bad for her. She seems really upset by everything, especially now that 256 seems to want to leave the group. Seeing her break down there at the end... heart-wrenching.

    Hahana proves ever the source of amusement :P I love her. I must say I believed her when she told Carey she planned on offering 805 one of Maui's sisters. It did sound like a Hahana plan xD I kind of want to see what he'd do if she actually proposed the idea :P Poor 805 is never going to be rid of her, is he? Just admit it, 805. Some small part of you likes her :P I'm pretty sure she'll be starting the first ever official 805 fan club here soon xD At first I was immensely curious as to what 805 was doing out in the forest, but I get feeling it's got something to do with what he was keeping in his kitchen cabinets. Trying to find a way to make alcohol or something? Either that or the chinking noise Carey heard wasn't bottles but instead gold coins from being paid after selling the last of his severed heads :P Or maybe he's up to something altogether different. Anyway, 805's plan to head to the mountains is interesting. I'm curious what will happen on the way, especially with so much tension between everyone. I'm not sure this is the best time for them to be taking a detour and Carey's right that they need to be heading back to Janelle and the others. Also, this kinds of detours often seem to lead to tragic and otherwise avoidable deaths.

    The Lake Village. All this time and 256 is from the Lake Village. That's worrying what with the original rebellion's attack there. If 256's family didn't survive the battle there... That would just be... I don't even know. Now that he knows where they are, now that's he's this close I'm not sure how he'd react if something's happened to them. I can understand 256 wanting to go and find his family on his own. It definitely makes a lot of sense that he'd feel that way. I'm worried about him going off on his own, and I'm less convinced than Carey that 256 wouldn't break his promise to her if he finds his family. I may be even less convinced if he finds out they died and it happened when the rebellion attacked. He's only just begun to become one of them and if they're the reason his family died... eh, I'm diving too deeply into theories especially for this late at night. Suffice to say, I'm really worried about all of this. Anyway, this chapter was a really good one all around. The emotional aspects were quite well done and I especially felt for Carey. I'm really anxious to get into 256's head and see what he's really feeling about all this. As for everyone else, I live in a constant state of concern for them, but this off the books trip to the mountains has me worried more than normal.

    Commented on: June 28, 2016

  • Snowfall

    Lol, I have been waiting for you to say that xD This is one of those where I was desperate for a title and nothing was coming to mind. I’d originally planned for the burglary to take place in this chapter, but I ended up pulling it at the last minute because it felt unnecessarily tacked on at the end. Anyway, I already know the title of that chapter and I refuse to change it, so I had to scramble for a new title and referencing GoT is always fun and it kind of fits with S’s song, so yeah. Fragile. Yeah, I like that word being used to describe Snow at the moment. She’s sort of holding herself together by sheer force of will. Despite what she’s telling everyone, she’s absolutely no better than she was two chapters ago when she attempted suicide. She knows now that she really does want to live, but she still can't see a way forward. She can't see a future where she's been able to accept Ariana's death. So, she's going to try and pretend that everything is fine when it most certainly is not, which as you say, puts her at risk of falling even deeper into darkness.

    JTG's choice of Kayla was certainly intentional. It's no big secret, I just didn't really have a way to spell it out properly. All of JTG's attacks are psychological in nature. Other than Halloween, JTG hasn't actually hurt them or followed through on her threats to rat them out to the authorities. Even Halloween was a psychological attack since JTG proved she could make the girls turn on each other if she wanted to. With picking Kayla first, it was to point out that if Snow tries to hurt herself again then JTG will kill Kayla while Ariana will die from her illness leaving Snow completely alone. It was to make Snow face the possibility of losing both of her parents. That fact hasn't quite hit Snow yet, however.

    Hehe :P Well, I guess Michael's still doing his job then :P Michael is... complicated, to say the least. Everything with Snow reminds him so strongly of his sister's death. Riley died on his watch and he's lived his whole life with that weight on his shoulders. It affects him much more than he's let on. It informs so much of who he is. But really, with Michael frustrating is exactly what I aim for. Despite wanting to make Michael a bit more likeable given his relationship with Snow, I still want to keep a good level of mistrust in him as well. So you feeling sympathy for him when he's with Snow, but losing it when he's talking to Mary is exactly what I hope for. Like you said, it really is too little, too late with Mary and no amount of apologizing is going to make up for what he's done, especially without an explanation (and not even with one). As for keeping it all a secret from Snow, at the moment his primary focus is sparing Snow any more pain. He wants to protect her from it for as long as he can. Before this though, I don't think Michael ever intended Snow to find out. I don't imagine he'd ever willing go to her and tell her. It's not a good idea because Mary knows, Emily knows, JTG knows, and our dearly departed Sara filmed a video of it on her now missing cell phone. There’s a lot of sources that Snow could get the truth from, so Michael’s plan of keeping it a secret probably isn’t going to work forever. With everything that’s happened and Michael’s attitude towards what he’s done seeming to shift, he might end up telling eventually. Regardless, you’re right. If his intentions are pure then he ought to have handled everything much better :/

    I like writing Snow this way, although I never have been sure why. Snow’s really smart but she has a certain naivety about stuff like that. She wants to believe that the world is exactly as she described it to Mary and she wants to believe that people and the world can be truly good. She gets it from Ariana :P But you’ve got the right of it. Appearance matters. It shouldn’t and it’s unfair and it’s wrong, but a lot of the time it does. Snow, being beautiful, has a hard time seeing things any other way. That’s the interesting thing about writing Snow and Mary together. They are polar opposites of each other in almost every way. Snow is beautiful and wealthy and popular and for the most part she’s an eternal optimist. She’s not quite so much that at the moment since everything’s gone down the pooper, but in contrast to Mary, who’s much more pragmatic, they’re completely different. Mary sees the world as it really is, while Snow sees it through rose colored lenses and looks at things as she wants them to be, not necessarily as they are.

    Steven is very confident in his ability to get them inside the house undetected, but there’s still a lot that could go wrong. They’ve got to do it in broad daylight while no one's home so anyone could see them, and since JTG knows pretty much everything you can bet she’ll be watching them. Although if Miranda’s parents are JTG, they might be getting a bit of a surprise xD Yeah, the warehouse is what Snow was talking about. I've been planning on her taking Michael there for a while, I just haven't been able to find a spot to fit it in. Snow's pretty protective of the warehouse and she only takes people she trusts and cares about there. It took her years to take Jackson there and Steven has never been at all. Michael's getting special treatment :P But no, I’m not really planning anything too terrible to happen there. I’m looking for some happier, light hearted moments and getting Michael and Snow off to one of my favorite locations to write in seemed like a good idea. If I have to keep listening to dark, brooding music to set the mood when I'm writing for much longer I'm going to lose my mind :P I figure Snow could use a day off with everything she's been through. The rest of the gang though? Yeah, they're fair game xD *cues maniacal laughter* Thanks for commenting :D

     

    Commented on: June 22, 2016

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for the comment :) Appreciate it as always. Yeah, those two were the more likely suspects to find Snow, but I really wanted Sara to be the one who did it. Making Sara seem less like an awful bitch is quite the struggle, but it is something I try to do whenever she appears. Showing her human side, the kindler, gentler Sara if you will, is really important because Sara wasn't all bad. There was goodness in her, despite all the awful things she did. Not to say that Sara was a great person, she wasn't, but she had a heart. Hahaha, ah you're nicely wrapped up in my web of bluffing and deceit :P Keep going around in circles, it makes things easier for me xD I'm not even going to say anything this time. Nothing I say will help and I'm much too excited to get to what Sara really is to risk spoiling it in advance, so I'll just stay quiet.

    Yeah, Snow survived and I'm glad I went that route, really. I mean, I figured that's what I would end up doing, but I would've liked to have seen what would have happened if she had died. Despite missing out on a Ned Stark moment (I'm liking that phrase myself now that you mention it xD) I agree that storywise keeping Snow around was the better decision. I even went so far as to write a rough version of this chapter with Michael finding Snow dead and what would have happened after that and I knew I couldn't do it. Like you say, everything's been so bleak and miserable lately that killing Snow would've taken the story to such a dark place that I'm not sure I would've had the desire to continue writing it. That said, I still think it would have been interesting to take such a drastic, hard left turn from my planned course. Although, that was the other reason Snow survived. I've got so much planned that can't happen without Snow. Losing her at this point would require such a massive rewrite... it would be a logistical nightmare :P And nothing there was confusing in the least, by the way.

    With Kayla and Ariana, yeah that's what they do. They play off of each other really well. No matter what they're going through, they can still support each other and help prop each other up through everything. I'm glad you found their vulnerability realistic as well. They really have no idea what to do for Snow at this point. Even though both of them attempted suicide, their circumstances were different and that leaves them both feeling very lost as to how they can help her. I'll still consider it a victory that you feel a little sorry for Michael :P Whatever else he is or that he's done, he loves Snow and this has really messed him up. He is definitely thinking about his sister at this point. He turned away from her for just a few minutes and she drowned. He left Snow for 30-45 minutes and she almost died, so that's weighing pretty heavily on him. He was only twelve when his sister died and he's carried that with him ever since and it's the reason for a lot of the decisions that he'd made.

    Steven does seem quite sure of his plan, doesn't he? He is pretty proud of himself for hacking their security system so easily, but that doesn't mean he hasn't done something like this before. We don't really know too much about Steven and, well, everyone has their secrets :P Honestly, I'd planned for the burglary to take place in this chapter before they found out about Snow, but the timing of it all just wasn't going to work so it was delayed a bit. That said, I feel confident we'll be getting to the burglary very soon. JTG isn't going to rest just because Snow's out of action and the rest of the gang have to keep going. Mary in particular is stepping up. She's the one that wants to keep going and refuses to give up. Now that Snow is sidelined and Clara has all but given up, the "best" of the gang is out of action. Mary almost subconsciously is trying to fill that void. She's trying to keep them moving forward, but Halloween was just two days ago and they're all still reeling from that and now they're hit with this. They're going to have a tough time moving forward.

    I had a lot of fun bringing Claire back. She hasn't returned since she disappeared with Coop all the way back in The Girl and the Warehouse so getting the opportunity to bring her back in was nice. My own real life Claire made me change her hair color to match her own :P She's still ticked at me for killing her namesake. I've been told if I kill Clara she'll never speak to me again xD But yes, let's just say that Fate did a lot of bad things and might very well have broken the universe as a result. Everything Fate and Destiny and the Guides do is to keep the universe in balance. Fate did something that destabilized that balance. Your theory is a very good one, and I will say you're onto something. Yeah, JTG doesn't like anyone trying to quit the game early. She doesn't care about Snow's wellbeing, just that she wants to keep all her pieces in play for the moment.  

    Commented on: April 28, 2016

  • Cursed

    Well, I knew it had to happen eventually, but I must say I wasn't prepared for what happened in this chapter. I fully expected 256 to ask if Carey had known about Samantha's mother and I must say her reasoning is perfectly legitimate. It wasn't her place to say anything, despite what she knew. I also liked that 256 thought she should have said something, that he would want 805 to know the truth no matter what. It seems a very 256ish thing to do.

    What I hadn't expected was for Carey to come forward with what happened to 440. That I didn't see coming. I was glad she finally told him, since obviously waiting so long has only made things worse, but still seeing them fight hurts my soul. That said, 256 is perfectly within his rights to be angry. Carey keeping something like that from him, I mean I'd be pretty ticked off too so I thought his reaction to it all was completely believable. Also, one thing I particularly liked was that he thought 440 had died at the Council. He wouldn't have ever imagined that Carey would have kept something from him for that long. I liked the entire scene and this all really needed to happen even though it hurts me to read it. I felt so bad for 256 through the whole thing, and Carey as well too since I know how bad she feels about keeping it a secret for so long. Of course, Carey did dig herself into this hole. I just hope she can find a way to climb back out of it :/

    I was really intrigued by Carey's thoughts there at the end as well. She really doesn't get it, does she? 256 said it himself. He can't hate her and it seems that's because he loves her and I don't think this will change that. It's sure to change their relationship, though. How, I'm not sure, but it pretty much has to and somehow I imagine it will end up breaking my heart and my dream of finally seeing... you know, I just spent five minutes trying to come up with a couple name for those two, but it just doesn't work when one of the characters doesn't have an actual name xD And of course I loved Sam's response to Carey when she told her everything that happened :P I've been waiting for more Sam/Carey hugs after all xD Their friendship is one that I didn't really ever expect, but watching them become close has been really nice. Their friendship is quickly becoming one of my favorites. I've said it before, but seeing Sam's softer side is always good. She's always had moments where that softer side comes through, but its becoming more and more common now that she's building friendships with people other than Janelle.   

    Yay, 256 and Carey reached the same conclusion I did about her powers. That doesn't mean it's the right theory, but I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who thought of it :P Hmm, 'she cried in private'. Tears... could the tears of a Gift of Water have power? That is interesting indeed. Carey's question is probably my biggest one at the moment. What sort of Gift is that? It doesn't seem likely to be part of her Stealth abilities, although I suppose it very well could be. As you said, there's no Big Book of Stealth Gifted out there xD Although, I would really appreciate such a book right now :P

    Moving on to Janelle's part, she's learning how to be a leader, that's for sure. I was proud of her in this chapter. She's working to integrate herself with people like Evelyn who don't seem to like her and she's making tough decisions like giving the order to kill the Gifted woman there. She's on the right track, I think, with the message she carved. They don't know what they need to do, but things can't stay as they are. That does worry me to a degree, and it always has actually. No one really seems to have a plan as to what exactly will happen if the Gifted are overthrown, and that's scary. They're a rebellion that's only unified by their shared desire to see the Gifted removed from power. Once that's done, what's to stop them from turning on each other? I love that aspect of this. It's really interesting that the quote unquote good guys might be making things worse in the long run. All that's completely off the topic of this chapter, but it's late and I chose to have a glass of wine before typing this, which makes me ramble even more than usual :P

    It was nice to learn more about Evelyn and Brooke. Their relationship was surprising. I hadn't thought that they would be related. That was a good surprise. Brooke's story was really sad. She seems like a really sweet girl and I was actually tearing up a bit when she said she tried calling Evelyn Mummy but she didn't want her to :( As for Evelyn, I do quite like her even though she's not the nicest person around. She's devoted to the rebellion, that's pretty clear. They need people like her around, that are dedicated to the cause. I am quite curious why it was she was so adamant they join up. I imagine pretty much everyone that's joined the rebellion thus far has a story to tell. I'm interested what hers is. Anyway, I really enjoyed this chapter even though parts of it broke my heart. I'm worried about Carey and 256 and I hope they'll manage to work things out, and that Wesley won't actually run off after Carey, and that Janelle's plan will work and they won't be captured/killed when the Gifted march into town. This is a good, emotional, well-written chapter that leaves me anxious for the next one. I'm especially concerned for Carey and 256. 256 seems really hurt and... yeah, I'm worried.

    Also, this chapter is a fantastic public service announcement about laziness in the workplace xD I may insist my employees read it for motivational purposes... and then buy a crossbow :P

    Commented on: March 30, 2016

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for commenting :) Heh, yeah... this chapter. I've known this was coming for a long time but that in no way made it easier to write. It was tough and it definitely hit some sensitive spots. To be honest I almost cut this storyline entirely. I didn't feel that I was in any place to write this and I wasn't completely sure I even should. That said, it was one of those things I really didn't want to change. It had been part of the plan for so long that changing it was something I wasn't prepared to do. I'm not entirely happy with it, but it is what it is. It really has gotten pretty depressing, so maybe we'll take a little lighter path next time. There's a lot of other characters that I've been neglecting since Snow found out about Ariana, so maybe I'll focus on something a bit less miserable :P We do have a little burglary to get on with after all. Anyway, with Jacob... well, honestly I'm not even sure how he'd respond to learning what Clara did. I've always thought of Jacob as kind of being the polar opposite of Sara. Where she was manipulative and vindictive, he's understanding and forgiving. Then again, Clara did something that completely changed his entire life in a terrible way. He puts on a brave face, but he's pretty depressed about his condition. If he found out Clara was responsible... yeah, I don't really know how he'd respond. That is, of course, assuming he didn't figure it out when Clara almost told him and is hiding it for vindictive, revengeful purposes xD But yes even if Snow survives, the attempt in and of itself will be enough to really hurt her friends and family. A victory would do them all a lot of good on the JTG front. I don't think it will help Snow much at all, but for the rest of them it would work wonders. They need to believe they'll all get through this and find a way to stop JTG. What that will be, or in fact if that will be, remains to be seen.  

    You know, I normally have some idea of what emotions I hope people feel when they read a particular scene, but with this I honestly have no idea what feeling I want readers to leave with. I guess lost for words works pretty well, come to think of it. Snow's reached rock bottom at this point. She can't really fall any further than this. If she survives, her road to recovery will be a long one. She doesn't feel she has a future anymore. If she can't find a reason to keep going, she'll never be able to recover.  Anyway, I'm glad you thought her sinking into depression and the way she's thinking seemed realistic. It's difficult and yet at the same time frighteningly easy to take myself down to a place close to where Snow is now. At the same time, I wasn't entirely convinced it was a realistic portrayal of someone on the verge of suicide. Although it's a strange thing to be happy about, I'm glad that scene was difficult to read. That's reassuring. If it wasn't difficult to read, I did something wrong. As for whether or not Snow will survive, to be honest I'm really torn on the subject. I had always planned on Snow surviving this. I knew all along she would get to this point and that this would happen, but I never expected her to die here. But now I'm really interested in how Snow's death would change the story. I want to see how the other characters would react to and deal with her death. I've been imagining how things would go and I really want to write it, but damn I don't know if I can. It'd be a good twist I think and it would have rippling effects through every part of the story. I mean, she's the lead character and I have no idea who would replace her. Clara, probably, but I don't know. And I've never gotten to Ned Stark anyone before and I kind of want to :P So I don't know. If I thought my heart could take it, I can't deny I'm sorely tempted so... we'll see.    

    Well, I consider it a personal victory that you feel sorry for Michael xD You may not love him, but it's a step in the right direction. You will love him one day! I will not give up xD He's not going to take Snow's suicide attempt very well, whether she survives or not. He's the one who left her alone, so I'm imagining he'll be blaming himself quite a bit for that. And yeah, he's the most likely candidate to find Snow but that doesn't mean he'll get there first. There are certainly other options and Clara seems likely as well. She's really focused on her feeling that something is wrong, so she won't be able to leave that feeling alone. She's likely to go looking for answers when she feels something so strongly. Of course someone else could find Snow too. Someone who doesn't need to use the front door. I'm just saying :P I can never say too much about JTG's feelings on any particular subject, but I think JTG loves how far Snow's fallen. She was the smartest of the gang and therefore the most likely candidate to figure everything out. With Snow firmly sidelined, JTG's in a pretty good mood. If Snow died JTG wouldn't be too torn up about it. She's still got other victims to torture after all, but no, I don't think JTG actually wants Snow dead. Yet xD

    Commented on: March 19, 2016

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for the comment :) Snow really could use that hug right now, for sure. I'm glad her downward spiral (and she's not done spiraling) seems realistic. While I've grieved before, I've never been hit by something nearly as badly as what Snow's dealing with so I haven't been completely sure how believable her breakdown has been. Snow's asking the same question you, actually. How can she go on after everything that's happened? She can't see a future anymore. Everything seems hopeless and she's kind of lost the will to even try to move on. She just doesn't care anymore :/ Yeah, Michael's secret... I'm not sure I have the heart to drop that bomb on Snow just yet. If she lost Michael now too, on top of everything else I don't think she would ever find a way to keep going. She needs him. Well, at least you believe he loves her xD That's a start, anyway. Despite my saying I'll get you to love Michael, I'm rapidly losing my confidence :P It's my own fault. I made him creepy intentionally at the start and now there's almost no way to uncreepify him.                                                                               

    For the most part, Michael will continue to research magical methods to help Ariana. Kayla's already donated a couple of fortunes into cancer research, so that wouldn't be much help but Michael still believes there's a magical solution despite what Zoe says. The Coven don't know everything about magic, so there's always a chance that there's an answer somewhere. I won't say that all magic comes with a price, but the kind of magic Michael would need most certainly would. That's assuming there's a magical solution at all, but if there is it would come with a pretty hefty cost tied to it. Of course, Snow is so devastated and Michael so determined to help that he might not ask if Ariana is okay with the price. You're right that Michael will do pretty much whatever he has to do to accomplish his goals, but he does have a code he adheres to. I'll keep that code to myself for now, but suffice to say that he has one. There are some things he wouldn't do, some lines he won't cross unless he absolutely has to. Haha, I love Kayla :P She's always so fun to write, especially when she's being threatening. She's telling the truth though. If Michael ever hurts Snow, she'll bring the wrath of the Almighty down on him. Magical powers or no. Although honestly, I always imagine Ariana to be the more terrifying of the two when it comes to Snow. Kayla might bludgeon Michael with a stick. Ariana would burn his entire world down. Hehe, there's something to be said for vindictiveness :P Michael will get his comeuppance in some form or another eventually.

    At first I wasn't going to make any mention of what Michael and the Dawnguard are doing or anything about the world they and Zoe inhabit. Now though I've decided to do stuff like this and provide a lot of information with absolutely no explanation or context so there's still not a lot given away. Heh, there's a funny story behind Princess Sienna. I'd been messing around with writing something in the fantasy genre and I'd created this whole world with all these different factions and a ton of backstory and whatnot. I never did anything with it, but when I was figuring out how all the magical stuff would work in this, that whole universe just slid right in. Princess Sienna, who was called Princess Sophia but that had to be changed for obvious reasons, was to be the main character and she was a lot of fun to write. This was the perfect opportunity to use her. I won't say too much about her yet since she won't appear for a long time, but let's just say she's spunky with lots of attitude xD She's technically a queen, but she hates the title so she goes by princess instead. She's a big supporter of the Dawnguard, but whether or not that makes her good or bad remains to be seen. As for Sienna being S... I think it'll be more fun not answering that :P It has been a while since we've heard from S, but they're still out there. They've completely given up on keeping Snow away from Michael, but... okay, I'll give you one hint. S is perfectly positioned to keep an eye on Snow and Michael. That's the only thing I'm saying and I almost guarantee that won't help you one bit :P But do with that what you will. 

    Commented on: February 29, 2016

  • Cursed

    This plan of Janelle's makes me very nervous, I've got to say. Her group is shockingly exposed and neither she nor Wesley are expert spies. They aren't being all that subtle, and even if they were I'm not sure how much I trust Farmer Alex not to rat them out to the Gifted. I'm pretty sure the Gifted wouldn't reward Alex for reporting them, but he might do it in the hopes that he would win their favor. I don't trust him, but I can't at all fault him for the way he feels about the Gifted. I'd imagine that's how most anyone would feel in his position. It's his way of life, the only thing he's ever known. It would be tough, I would think, to convince someone who hasn't been directly exposed to the Gifted's cruelty to support two strangers talking about bringing a war to their town. I do get a bit of... I don't want to say brainwashing, but the whole thing with Alex saying they were never treated badly unless they "deserved it" and that they weren't "contributing to society" is a little unsettling. Even so, I do see where he's coming from and I enjoyed seeing just a regular guy's opinion on the Gifted and the rebellion. We mostly only hear from either the Gifted themselves or people directly affected by the Gifted's horribleness, so to see what the average Joe thinks is really interesting.  I'm really curious if his feelings are the norm amongst the nonGifted. I'm guessing your time at the sheep farm helped out immensely with this chapter :P Is that really how sheep are herded? I'd be just like Janelle in that situation :P Following along uselessly with no idea what to do xD

    I hope the sudden reminder of Alex didn't shake Janelle's confidence too much. She's just starting to regain that and she hasn't had the most successful first day on the job so far. She seems to want to press on, which is a good sign, but I'm still really worried about her. Wesley's comments are really quite disconcerting. They aren't human anymore. That is a scary statement right there. The moment you start thinking of your enemy as something other than human is the moment you start down the road toward dismembering them and leaving their bodies in the town square. We've already had quite enough of that, thank you very much Wesley.

    I swear to God if Samantha wanders off on her own and scares me like that one more time she and I are going to have to have a talk. You tell someone, Sam. You leave a note. Something. It's super easy. Example: "Hey guys. Going for a walk. Be back later. Love, Sam." It's considerate, see? :P Wandering around the Council, strolling through dangerous woods on your own... I swear, she's looking for trouble. 805 should do the same, but he hasn't got a record of unexpected disappearances yet :P Anyway, this part of the chapter made me happy, sad, and nervous within a very short space of time. I liked seeing Sam and 805 just talking for once, even if it was a sad subject. While 256 is clearly upset by Sam's lie, I'm slightly hopeful that 805 and Sam have a chance to be, well, something. I doubt they'll ever have a close father/daughter relationship, too much has happened, but just seeing them talking and Sam letting down that wall of hers just a little bit was really heartwarming. 256's thoughts on whether or not Carey knew about Michelle have me concerned. Eventually he's going to find out about 440 and I don't have any idea what that revelation will do to their relationship :/ I am worried because I feel like it's going to happen soon.

    So, not only can Carey use other Gifts, but she's more powerful than the regular Gifted as well? That's really interesting. Even if I'm right and I've figured out how Carey gets the Gifts, it doesn't at all explain why she'd be so much stronger. Oh so many questions :P Watching 805 adapting to life away from the Gifted should be quite interesting. I'm interested to see if he has an easier time than 256 or a harder time. He's quite a bit older than 256 and on the surface I'd think that would make it harder for him given that he's spent so much more time living the Gifted way of life, but maybe it might make it easier. He's already given up his uniform and stuff, but then I really can't see 805 clinging to a uniform like 256 did. 805 doesn't seem like he'd care that much about his uniform. Either way, there's obviously no going back for either of them so I hope he'll be okay. I can't really see him sticking around with the rebels, though. I mean, I strongly hope he does since I love having him around and I want to see how his relationship with Sam with unfolds, but I don't know. I can't see him doing like 256 has done and stay with the rebels. Then again, he doesn't really have anywhere else to go I wouldn't think. I doubt he has friends outside the Council and since the Gifted want to kill him, his options are limited.

    Anyway, I'm going to stop here since I feel like I'm rambling aimlessly. I am, and have been for the last couple of weeks, so unbelievably tired that I can't really concentrate on what I'm saying. I hope I've managed to make at least a couple of halfway intelligent observations here. This chapter has given me things to think about, which I always enjoy. How does the general population view the Gifted? Do they want things to stay as they are or would they rather have a change? Is Alex's reaction based on fear or does he really feel that way? Is Wesley starting down a dangerous path or is he just pissed off about Carey? Will Samantha ever learn how to write a simple note xD Anyway, another good chapter that's left me with lots of questions and concerns, but a tiny speck of hope on 805 and Samantha.

     

    Commented on: February 21, 2016

  • State of Decay: The Day the World Died

    Yes, Alex has definitely faced her fear far better than I would have. That's one thing that I honestly considered changing. I mean, she's a fifteen year old girl. Most normal fifteen year old girls would be curled up in a corner, crying. I would be and I've got ten years on Alex xD It seems a little unrealistic to me that she's handling it as well as she is, but I thought if I had her behaving like a complete emotional wreck it wouldn't be a very fun read so she ended up handling it a little better. But still, she was definitely paralyzed by fear there on the trip to the bus, so I suppose that's something. Alex's "it's all a dream" mantra isn't going to help her much at all really, but I'm glad it seems a realistic way for her to cope with everything. It all does seem like a bad dream to her at the moment. It's all so insane that she can't believe it's real, but no she's definitely not dreaming. What's happening is very, very real. Oh, but in a totally off topic fun fact on the subject of dreams that I won't remember if I don't mention it now; I once had the idea that nearly all of Snowfall would be a dream :P When Snow gets knocked out at Michael's party right before Sara's murder, I had planned on everything after that to be a dream while Snow's unconscious. Sara wouldn't have died or anything and everything would have gone back to normal. It would have ended with her getting a text from JTG, who's identity was never revealed. It's safe to say I did away with that idea :P Okay, enough of that rambling xD

    Hehe, yeah Frank can come off a little strange when he doesn't properly explain himself. Or he could just have a thing for underage girls and got a job at a campground so he can watch them in their swimsuits. I'll leave it up to your imagination for now :P I really felt bad about Lily and Laine. I figured one or both them would die eventually, but I didn't expect to kill one of them in this chapter. Still, I felt I needed a named character that Alex had met to die during the escape for there to be a bit more emotional impact for her. I'm not yet ready to part with any more members of the Masterson family just yet, Frank is too fun to write to kill him so soon, and I felt like I could get more use out of Lily later on that I could Laine so she had to go. It does leave me at an interesting place with Alex and Lily. They're sort of polar opposites of each other. Alex has almost her whole family while Lily is very much alone. Alex is scared and doesn't know how to do much of anything in this new world. Lily on the other hand seemed to want to go out and shoot a bunch of zombies in the face. There's opportunities to explore how they both handle the end of the world as they know it and how their circumstances change them.

    I'm happy you think the horror bits are good. This is very much my first attempt at the genre which is a scary thing anyway, and considering its also a genre I'm unfamiliar with do to being such a massive wimp that I can't make it through the simplest of horror movies it's quite reassuring that you find the scary parts... uh... scary :P I'm glad they're off the mountain too, honestly. I was really limited with what I could do in such a confined setting. Now, I can take them anywhere which opens the door to all sorts of possibilities. As for what's going on in the rest of the world, that information (or at least big pieces of it) will be coming quite soon. That broadcast was created very early on before much was known about the pathogen, so yeah it doesn't tell you much. It is interesting though that no one's bothered to update it with new information though, isn't it? That's probably bad :P Thanks for commenting :)

    Commented on: February 18, 2016

  • Cursed

    Well I started typing this up yesterday, but the 26 inches of snow we got managed to cause some power outages so I had no internet until tonight to finish. Screw winter. That's all I have to say about that :P Anyway, I really enjoyed the change of tone in this chapter. The last few I've been scared to read, so it was nice to go into a chapter without fearing for everyone's safety. I'm really proud of Janelle and the way she stuck to her guns about her plan. She's learning more and more how to lead and she's doing a good job. She's not second-guessing herself as much and she's sticking with her plan despite the issues caused by Assessment Day. She's right that it's much more of an opportunity than a problem in the long run. I still think Janelle is the best person to lead the rebellion forward, even if I am coming to trust Caleb a little more. I'm glad to see her growing as a leader. Hopefully this mission will be successful and she'll gain more self-confidence. It's hard to believe it's only been a year since it all started. So many things have happened in such a short space of time. I can't imagine what will have happened in another year.

    "Her name's Carey." These are words I've been waiting to hear from Wesley for the longest time. I'm glad he finally knows the truth and I imagine just knowing what happened to her will give him some degree of comfort. Its good that Janelle was able to talk Wesley out of running off and trying to find her. I don't know how big the island is, but I don't think he'd have much of a chance of just bumping into her out in the woods. Or at least I hope she managed to talk him out of it. Not too much is known about Wesley. For all I know he's just telling Janelle what she wants to hear so he can slip away while she isn't looking. Don't do it, Wesley! She's on her way back. Just wait, hopefully there will be a reunion soon. Honestly, I need that too. They've all been apart so long, I need them together again xD

    Yay, Hahana and Maui are back and don't seem to have gotten into too much trouble. I can easily see Hahana just strolling up to a random Gift of Earth and insist they accompany her back to Zeia xD Oh Hahana, don't ever change :P And also, we now know exactly how 805 would react to someone fangirling over him xD Poor guy. I really don't think he had the slightest idea of what to do. It was also interesting to see 805's reaction to being called Cursed. Its pretty easy to see why he might agree with Hahana's reasoning. I was glad to get more backstory from Hahana as well. Her story was sad, but I liked how upbeat she is about the whole thing and how romantic she finds their story to be. She seems to have an eternal optimism about everything, no matter what it is.   

    Aww, Sam :( I feel really bad for her. (For Maui, as well since he really seems to like her) This seems to be something she's really struggling with and that's terrible. I wonder if she's ever told anyone or if she's kept it to herself? I don't even know how things like sexuality are viewed on the island. For all I know, it might make her a social outcast or something. It does add more weight to my Sam/Janelle/Reagan love triangle theory though. I dismissed that at one point, but now I'm going to have to completely reconsider seeing as its now infinitely more likely. I liked the way she responded to hearing Hahana's story as well. I like seeing her softer, more emotional side come out. She doesn't let it show much, but I do like seeing it when she does. Anyway, overall another good chapter that left me feeling more hopeful for the future. I'm strongly hoping for a reunion soon back at the rebel base, but somehow I imagine I'll be waiting a while. There's still all sorts of opportunities for things to go wrong for one/both of the groups. 

    Commented on: January 24, 2016

  • Snowfall

    So yeah, this chapter. Like you said, I knew it was coming too but I did not want to write it at all. I hate myself for this too, but it had to happen :P It was long past time and I had no more excuses to put it off. I've been really depressed since I finished this and I haven't been able to convince myself to start the next chapter yet. For Snow, this is pretty much her worst nightmare on top of everything else she's been dealing with. This has absolutely devastated her and I've always had the idea in the back of my mind that the Snow we knew up to this point essentially died the moment she found out. She's been slowly torn down since the beginning and this is kind of the last nail in her coffin so to speak. Every bit of her perfect little world she lived in at the start has been destroyed and that in turn destroyed her. How she deals with that and who she becomes now is going to be a major focus for the near future.  

    I'm glad the emotional impact and Snow's grief were both okay. I kept changing things and changing things and it never felt as powerful and painful as I envisioned, but eventually I had to let it go. This is really terrible to say, but I'm glad you were left with a hopeless feeling at the end. Okay, I know, but hear me out :P I was aiming to leave people at the same place and with some of the same feelings that Snow has. She's lost all hope at this point and I wanted to convey that as best as I could. So, yay xD I'm glad you liked the bit with Kayla comforting Snow as well. It's definitely outside of Kayla's comfort zone, but she's surprisingly good at it even though she thinks she's terrible and has no idea what she's doing.

    The snowfall at the end was definitely symbolic of what's happening to Snow, so you're not just reading into things. That was the only thing I knew for certain about this chapter was that it would take place almost entirely while it was snowing. Ever since I settled on that picture for the cover, I knew that scene would be out in the snow. That's one of the reasons I couldn't let Snow find out about Ariana before now. It was too early in the year for snow to be falling in the amounts I wanted. Your concern for Snow is certainly justified, I'll just say that. I think things are sure to get worse for her before they start to get better.  

    Commented on: January 22, 2016

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for the comment :) This is definitely a turning point for Mary. So far, she's been a bit of a wallflower. She's been scared of Michael and hasn't had an ounce of self-confidence and now that's going to start to change a bit. She's found an inner strength after what JTG did to them and that allowed her to move past what Michael and Emily did. Personally, I think Mary has moved from being the weakest link in the group to being the strongest. With Snow sidelined a bit by everything else she's dealing with, Mary suddenly has room to shine and really come into her own. As for when Michael and Emily's motives will be revealed... well, I kind of want to hold onto that until Snow herself finds out. I'm pretty sure if she found out about Michael right now she'd literally go insane. There's only so much the poor girl can take. I could reveal what their reasons were in another way, but I've had this idea of how it will all come to light and I really don't want to change that. So, yeah, it probably will be a while before that comes out unless I change my mind :P

    Breaking into Miranda's parents' house is definitely a high risk/potentially no reward endeavor. I'd be just as worried about what JTG might do in either event. If Miranda's parents are not JTG, JTG would still likely know what they had done and then have one more secret to hold over them. But if they are JTG, they could find everything they need to put a stop to all this. Then, of course, JTG would have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking all of them down. Either way, there's plenty of opportunity to find some information about Miranda. Miranda, like Sara, knew how to hide things. Luckily, the gang seems to know how to find stuff that people want to stay hidden.

    I really hate myself for killing Fluffers, I really do :( Coop didn't hurt me as badly and that's saying something. I knew all along that Fluffers would die, although it was originally part of a plan that also included the destruction of the warehouse. It would all have been a bit symbolic of Ariana's own imminent death. Everything she loved, everything that's deeply connected to her would die in the lead up to her own death. In the end, I couldn't destroy the warehouse (I need it for stuff :P) but with Fluffers I wanted to stick with my original plan even if I hate myself for it. 

    Commented on: January 22, 2016

  • Cursed

    Once, long ago, you told me I was good at mood whiplashes. After this chapter, I give you my crown. The ups and downs in this chapter were frequent, surprising, and powerful. Every time something good seemed to be happening, it would almost instantly turn the other way. The gang's all back togeth... Murder! We're escapi... Death! :P Those moments were really well done and have a lot of impact even though they're characters we know next to nothing about.

    Sam, that is really the worst plan ever... of all time. But then if it's a bad idea and it works, it's not a bad idea. I've long been hoping for a Gift of Earth revolution and while this isn't an all-out uprising, it's definitely a start. As the boy says, the Gifts of Earth will remember this forever. Maybe they'll see that things have to change. Of course, the Gifts of Earth don't seem as though they'd be any more lenient with the nonGifted as the current regime ("She's just a rebel") or how open they would be to an alliance with the rebellion, but it is certainly a start nonetheless. Instability and division amongst the Gifted can only be a good thing for the rebellion. The Council would find itself fighting a war on two fronts, one of which is in its own backyard. The Leader might be in a speck of trouble. 

    I know I mentioned it already, but the deaths of 571 and the boy hit a lot harder than I would have thought :( I was really hoping to learn a lot more about 571. She seemed like such a complex and interesting character and to lose her so soon was a blow I wasn't prepared for. Her death came right at the moment when I'd just begun to think they might have a chance, so that made it all the more surprising and sad. The boy was just sad all around. He was so brave and noble. I can't imagine the courage it takes to do what he did. He wasn't alone of course, but to join in that kind of uprising, knowing what's probably going to happen... :( 571, we hardly knew you but in the short time you were with us you saved our heroes more than once. Sure, you didn't give the gang a plan and then complained when you weren't happy with what they came up with, but that can be forgiven. I wish you could have stayed longer, but in the end your sacrifice saved many. You will be remembered. Gift of Earth boy, we never even learned your number but you are a hero through and through. Nothing more need be said.

    Well, you go Carey! Seriously, what is she? I feel like it's obvious and I'm just missing it even though you said you deliberately left out some details that make it hard to guess. (Dear God it doesn't seem like that comment was a year and three days ago, but according to the date next to it, it was. Geez, time flies) I would say maybe it had something to do with her getting angry, but she felt lighter before that and that almost has to have something to do with Carey getting the Gift of Air. That also eliminates my theory that she can siphon Gifts from other Gifted since there wasn't a Gift of Air near her at the time (this assumes her ability to siphon has a limited range/requires line of sight or physical contact) so I don't know. OOOOOH! She has to kill them! Is that it? Do I win? You probably can't tell me, but I feel like this could be it. Back in chapter 15 she killed that Gifted woman who admittedly wasn't confirmed to be a Gift of Fire, but immediately afterward she had the power. Now she kills a Gift of Air and minutes later she's can control the wind. 3349 was a Gift of Water and 256 was healed by a Gift of Water. And back when Carey killed 440 (she's building up quite the body count, isn't she? :P) just before she noticed that he wasn't affected by the smoke and then later she opens the shed and gets hit in the face with smoke and she notes that it doesn't bother her anymore. I admit, I'm reaching with the last one but I have to say I feel fairly confident with my theory. So I'm sure you'll very quickly tell me just how wrong I am :P I'll let myself feel smart for tonight at least.

    I find it really interesting that becoming a Gift of Air seems to have made Carey increasingly confident to the point of recklessness. She didn't even hesitate when suggesting she fly them over the wall. It seems strange that acquiring a Gift would change her demeanor like that, but she's definitely different afterwards. I'm really curious. Anyway, enough of my rambling. This was one heck of a chapter, no doubt. Exciting, action-packed and filled with mood whiplashes. I'm really glad the gang made it out safely and even managed to start a little revolution in the process. I was sure one of them would die in the attempt, so I'm so happy no one did. Hopefully they'll put as much distance as possible between them and the Council and somehow find their way back to Janelle and the others. Oh yeah, Hahana and Maui O.o Whatever happened to those guys? They seem too impatient to just be waiting around for them to come back. Hopefully not getting themselves into too much trouble xD  

    Commented on: January 16, 2016

  • The Killer

    Well, damn. I really don't know what else to say after this chapter :P The awaited confrontation happens at last and it didn't end at all the way I had been expecting. I don't know quite what I really was expecting, but it wasn't like this. That's not at all a bad thing because I really like this direction. I had been expecting Nate to be hesitant and beat around the bush a bit trying to get Brandon to confess. I was really surprised he went straight in with accusations even if I can't blame him. It was probably the wrong approach, but then in this instance there really was no right approach since Brandon isn't going to go confessing to a crime he knows he didn't commit. Really, I think Nate's methods and his reactions were really well done and realistic. He's fully convinced Brandon murdered his wife and were I in his place I'd have done the same thing.

    So Lauren and Brandon really did have an affair then. Poor Nate :( I feel even worse for him now. And for Brandon to ask for a paternity test on top of it all? That's a bit of a low blow after everything Nate's been through. I'm somewhat surprised Nate didn't just punch Brandon in the face after that. The part about Connor was especially heartbreaking even if I can understand Nate's way of thinking :( If nothing else, perhaps a paternity test (if I works out in Nate's favor) might help him stop seeing Brandon in Connor.

    Really, Nate? That's the plan? Just push him in front of a car? How many times do I have to tell you, if you're going to kill someone make absolutely sure they're dead before you walk away. Otherwise, your victim can tell the authorities who attempted to murder them. There are rules to this sort of thing, man :P This thing that's controlling Nate is getting more and more frightening by the chapter. That it can just take over seemingly whenever it feels like it and making Nate do things is just... well, it's just downright creepy. Spine tingling might be more appropriate, actually. The way Nate is forced to watch it unfold, unable to stop himself make it that much worse. Not being able to control yourself while you're forced to do horrific things? Yeah, that's going my list of worse nightmares.  

    I'm really concerned that Nate is going to be arrested for this business with Brandon. He was hardly subtle and if Brandon survives he'll be in a lot of trouble even if its not his fault. Although honestly, the world would probably be a lot safer if Nate was locked up since he's murdering people on occasion. I'm suddenly very curious what the creature would do if Nate were arrested? I mean, their purpose is seemingly to make their masters happy (I'm not entirely convinced they don't have other motives) so if that's the case... what would it do if Nate were imprisoned? How would it make Nate happy? He would undoubtedly want to be free, so would it try to break him out? Eh, it's too late at night for theories. I'm too sleepy and my brain isn't working :P Anyway, this was a great, surprising chapter and I genuinely have no idea what could possibly be coming next. I'm excited to see what it is.

    Commented on: January 7, 2016

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for commenting :) I'm glad this chapter made you happy because this was not at all the chapter I planned on writing. The chapter this one was supposed to be apparently didn't want to be written, so this one became the substitute. I wasn't planning on revealing any of this stuff yet, especially whether or not Miranda's death was accidental or not. Keeping that a secret gave Sara a lot more moral ambiguity than she has now, but as you say Sara was coming off as a completely horrible person and she wasn't. She did a lot of really terrible things, but yeah she was still just a teenage girl so I'm glad Sara was humanized a little bit. Oh, and the reason Sara felt that Miranda deserved what she got is definitely both :P   

    Much like everything else, I hadn't planned to reveal that Sara knew about JTG for a long time. Until the very end of the story, in fact. Honestly, Sara has more secrets than any other character and since it's obviously pretty hard to do POV chapters with her its tough to reveal stuff only she knew so I planned to do it all in one shot. That said, there are only so many secrets I can hold onto before I screw up and forget something so Sara knowing about JTG was sacrificed for the sake of my waning mental capabilities :P Well, Sara (or whatever keeps popping up looking like Sara) doesn't really know who killed her or who JTG is. Sara does, however, know things about JTG that the others don't yet know so she may well have her reasons for thinking JTG isn't her murderer. Snow is desperate for clues and answers and she feels she's found something that's solid so she's going to latch onto it.

    Hahahaha, poor Tony :P He's mistrusted before he even appears. Then again, maybe there's a good reason for that. What? I didn't say anything. Nope, nothing at all xD Who Sara called is certainly someone who hasn't had their secrets revealed yet. That could still apply to Steven since he's sure to have more secrets than he's revealed so far. Most everyone does :P The person she called is someone whose secrets she knows and who she isn't concerned about getting involved in something potentially dangerous. Of course, she didn't know to what lengths JTG is willing to go and the real danger she and anyone she tells is in. At the moment though, Steven is as good a guess as any. No, I'm not saying any more than that :P

    Lol, I have a lot of fun doing little things like that. Does the reference mean anything? Maybe :P Probably not, but it always could and I find that strangely fun for some reason. Just the possibility that some small little reference could link something together adds to the mystery a bit. 

    Commented on: January 4, 2016

  • Cursed

    Sorry for taking forever to get to this. I actually read the chapter days ago but haven't had the chance to sit down and type up a coherent comment* Anyway, this isn’t at all the way I expected this chapter to go, so it was a nice surprise. I went in fully prepared for more torture, and while that could still happen I’m very glad to see there’s still a sliver of hope. That's something you do quite well, I should add. I always think I know what you're going to do and the direction you're going to go and then you almost always do the opposite. You constantly surprise me and keep me on my toes and I like that.

    Poor Carey :( I feel so bad for her. Being tortured like that, wanting to give the right answer but not being able to is just... unnerving. The Leader is absolutely... ugh, I don't even have words for her :P This does bring up the very interesting question of exactly where Carey's Gift came from, and also just how much do the Gifted know about their own powers? I had always assumed that Carey's Gift, being stealth and all, had just been exceedingly hard to detect and she had slipped through. But if that were the case, the Leader would surely know that already. If Gifts can spontaneously manifest themselves in previously nonGifted people... well, that would be really curious indeed. Okay, I've got to stop otherwise I'll start an endless spiral again of trying to figure out how Carey temporarily got the Gift of Fire and never get to bed xD I still can't figure that one out.   

    So, 571... I really don't at all know how I feel about her. I don't trust her for a second and she pretty much admitted she's not on their side and clearly has absolutely no concern for the Servants (although admittedly she did seem to feel bad about killing the poor girl), but she seems sincere in her desire to rescue 805 so... heck, I don't know :P She's willing to kill her own people for someone who's basically a rebel sympathizer, but she isn't willing to actually help them rescue him or even come up with a plan, so... I'm conflicted. I'm not entirely convinced this whole thing isn't some elaborate trap or the Leader is just screwing with them. No matter what 571 is up to, I have no idea whatsoever how they'll manage to rescue 805 and escape the Council armed with their just their wits and a borrowed sword. It seems to be a fool's errand if their ever was one. Of course, they appear to already have been caught so they may not even get a chance to try. Ooooooh, a Gift of Water? Maybe the same one that helped save 256? Probably not, but I've had worse theories before xD

    Anyway, overall this was a very good, exciting chapter. It wasn't at all what I expected, which is a very good thing since what I expected was more torture. I'm by no means reassured that nothing terrible is going to happen since they're about to embark on a suicide mission in the heart of the enemy's fortress. My nervousness aside, I'm really excited (and scared) to see what comes next.

    *This should not be considered a binding promise that this comment is, in fact, coherent :P

    Commented on: December 29, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Yeah, it's really tough for Kayla. It's pretty much Kayla's worst nightmare. She's always been so focused on protecting Ariana and she's faced with something that she can't fight. She just has to sit back and watch and she hates that. Watching Ariana just waste away is the worst thing Kayla can imagine. The biggest reason Snow hasn't been told already is because when she finds out the story is going to make a pretty big shift and I had a long list of plot points that I had to hit before that shift could happen. I've finally wrapped up all of those points, so expect that chapter to come up really, really soon. It's the last thing I want to write because I'll be an inconsolable emotional wreck by the time I'm done, but I got myself into this mess and I've put it off as long as I can. In fact, I'm just about to start working on that chapter now. It isn't the next one, but I want to take a lot of time with it and get it right.

    I'm glad you liked Mary and Snow's chat :) Mary has her reasons for choosing to be okay with Michael and she didn't exactly share them with Snow. There will be more about it when we get back to her POV, but mainly she's decided that she's not going to let Michael bother her anymore. She very nearly died a couple of hours earlier and she's decided she won't let Michael ruin her friendships or anything else. She's come to believe that Michael isn't going to hurt Snow, so she's not too worried about them being together at this point. He's obviously had plenty of opportunities to harm her if he wanted to and after seeing the way her reacted when Snow was in danger influenced her opinion of him. She still hates him and if it were up to her she'd never lay eyes on him again, but she's done being afraid of him. She doesn't want him to have that power over her anymore and she refuses to let him. JTG already has power over her, but Michael doesn't have to. That realization, and as you say learning that her friends are firmly by her side, will certainly help with her confidence.

    I do love Sara's little appearances :P Sara could still technically be a ghost, she could be a poltergeist after all xD I really, really, really want to explain what Sara is. I can't even explain how much I want to get to that, but I've already planned out when that will be revealed and it isn't for a good long while yet. I can't/won't rework the story so I can reveal it earlier, so I must wait. But hopefully what Sara is will be worth the wait.

    Sara hid a lot of stuff, it's what she did. There's plenty of stuff of Sara's that they haven't searched, so there's plenty of chances for them to find something important. Or not :P Sara had a lot of useless crap xD Miranda's parents (as if I didn't already have enough characters :P I haven't introduced Mary's family because I'm already juggling too many characters) will hopefully prove interesting. They know things about Miranda and definitely some of the things Sara knew. They may not be open to talking about any of it, but like everyone else, they've got secrets of their own. Thanks for the comment!

    Commented on: December 10, 2015

  • Cursed

    I should warn you that I am extremely sleepy, to the point that I'm drinking coffee just to keep myself awake long enough to do this :P So if I say anything stupid, just disregard it. Actually, you probably know me well enough by now to know I say stupid things on a pretty regular basis, sleepy or not so I suppose the warning is pointless xD Anyway, as with the last chapter I went into this one scared out of my effing mind :P I keep expecting really terrible things to happen and I still can't help but think that you're just luring me into a false sense of security, waiting to strike when I'm the most vulnerable. Either way, I'm exceptionally glad no one died. Still don't know what's going on with 805, but I can't let myself worry about that right now. He's fine until I see he's not. Anyway, enough of my ramblings :P Moving on.

    256 might just be the epitome of bipartisanship. I really think he might be the only person on the island that doesn't want much more than peace between the Gifted and nonGifted. He's seen that the current regime is horrible and needs to be disposed of, but the fact that he's still one of them deep down is very telling. He doesn't want the Gifted's evils to continue, but he doesn't want to kill them either. He doesn't have much stake in the game other than just wanting to set everyone free. Whether or not he'll ever convince the two factions to agree with him is another story entirely. I like that he has this... I don't want to call it hope, but this idea (and that's still not the right word) that the two sides could, maybe, someday, live in peace.

    Samantha and 256's conversation was both sad and touching at the same time. 256 so wants Sam and 805 to get along and love each other and his reasons for that are perfectly understandable. They're an example of what he wants; a reunion with his parents. If they can't love each other, he's afraid his parents won't love him either. But I do hope 256 won't pin all his hopes on Samantha and 805 mending their relationship. Admittedly, it's the only relationship of that type he has to reference but Sam and 805 have a lot of issues that have nothing to be with being Gifted. They aren't the poster children for a healthy parent/child relationship. Despite what he thinks, I believe 256 probably has a better chance at being a family with his parents than Sam does.

    I liked how Samantha so blatantly stated that 256 was in love with Carey xD Girl doesn't have an ounce of tact, but then her bluntness is part of the reason I love her :P It's still good to see him at least beginning to come to terms with how he feels. I'm sure that an emotion like that would be pretty difficult to understand, with an upbringing like he's had. How do you understand love if you've never seen what it looks like or anything? That questioning aspect is really well done and I like it. I'm glad to see Carey is safe (I use that term exceedingly loosely) and didn't suffer too much more than we saw last time. Even so, I imagine this is only the beginning of the tortures the Leader can inflict, so I'm not remotely comforted by Carey's return. I'm sure things will get much worse before they get better, so I'm still really scared for all of them.

    For Janelle's part, it was really interesting to see what the other members of the group think about Caleb and honestly, it wasn't what I expected. Brooke's thoughts were especially interesting and somewhat mirror my own only exactly the opposite. I'm coming to like Caleb even if I don't completely trust him. Speaking of Brooke, she seems like a nice addition. She's plucky and seems to have about as much tact as Samantha, only in a different way. And I love the way she talks xD Evelyn seems... lovely. I get where she's coming from, even if I don't like it. Someone new and unproven gets tossed into a leadership position on her first day? Sure, that's a legitimate reason to be a little ticked off, but that kind of behavior isn't appropriate for their situation. They're on an important mission, after all. Strike one, Evelyn. Strike one.  

    Oh, Reagan... the feels :( It's great to see Janelle beginning to move forward and starting to accept his death. Obviously she hasn't even begun to fully move past it, but she's on her way and that's good. It's heartbreaking to see how conflicted she is over his motives, so much so that she's questioning everything about their time together. It's so sad and she may never know what Reagan's plans were or how he really felt :( Personally, I think Reagan really loved her, but like Janelle I've got that nagging doubt that maybe it was all a plan to do bad things. Nonetheless, she's beginning to heal and accept her loss and that's a good thing that I was glad to see. I hope she continues down that road and eventually finds the answers she needs, but I'm concerned she never will. I can't imagine being haunted by that for the rest of her life :/

    I have to say that when I first read 'She could see Ben sitting alone on a tree branch at the edge of the sheltered area they were hiding in' I imagined Ben perched high up in a tree like Katniss, watching for approaching dangers. Then Janelle sat down beside him without climbing anything and I realized my mistake :P Oh, but what's he hiding then? I suppose he isn't necessarily hiding anything, but just doesn't want to have talk about whatever it is. I get more of a 'painful memories' vibe than anything nefarious, but then I don't trust anyone anymore so what do I know? xD

     

     

     

    Commented on: December 8, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for the comment, and please, take your time :) Congrats on finishing your exams! I hope everything went well. Michael is ever a source of confusion, isn't he? :P But if that's the case, then he's doing his job perfectly well. I've never wanted him to be obviously good or bad. There's good things about him and then really horrible things too. His concern and love for Snow are genuine and he's telling the truth when he says he'll do whatever he has to do to protect her, but that doesn't stop him from also being a creepy, cradle-robbing rapist. That could change once all of his secrets come out, but then again that could just make it worse xD

    I'll not say anything about whether or not Zoe's comment was accidental or if she knows everything. Nope, not a word :P Zoe couldn't say even if she does know. The Coven typically don't involve themselves in the affairs of non-witches, and even if JTG does have magical powers she isn't a witch. So unless she does something with magic that's just crazy evil or otherwise draws the attention of the Coven, they aren't likely to get involved with her. And JTG definitely doesn't want to draw the attention of the Coven xD The Witches' Coven are the supreme magical authority and they have a division of trained warriors that they send to hunt down rogue witches/magical evildoers. You don't want to have one of them coming to get you :P So JTG could definitely still be magical in some form, but Zoe and the Coven aren't remotely interested in her. Yet.

    Hahahahahaha xD Shocking xD I love it :P JTG made a similar joke a couple of chapters back and she made no apologies about it. I'm glad you liked the bit with Snow and Mary. That was a last minute addition and like anything I throw in at the last second, it makes me a little nervous. I would have loved the end the chapter right there, but it was pretty obvious that Snow wasn't going to die so it would have been pretty pointless. The second test, much like the first, was a test of the girl's friendship and devotion to each other. JTG wanted to know if they would ever turn on each other and if so, how long would it take? What lengths would she have to go to in order to make them hurt each other? As for bouncing back quickly, the girls will all process what happened very differently. Some of them will look on the positives in that, like you say, they held on for a long time before giving in. Snow, I think, will have a tough time of it. She's really beginning to lose hope at this point and if something doesn't change she's about to start to crack.

    There's a reason why Steven was the only one of the guys that got attacked, but since JTG isn't telling and Steven doesn't know we won't be finding out why for a while. But there definitely was a reason for it. As far Mary, you're right. She picked Mary specifically because she thinks Mary is the weakest link in the group. She's already been withdrawing from the others, so JTG thought it might be a place she could possibly split up their friendship. Pity it didn't work :P Hehe, the Michael thing, the Mary thing, the Miranda thing... I do believe I sense a pattern :P That, and I've got too many characters whose names start with M's.

    Oho, they could definitely still go further down :P JTG could start killing people, after all. But... well... maybe they could get a little bit of a victory before too long. It is about time something goes their way, but then again it could be said that your nervous feeling is very well deserved xD Dark times are coming.  

    Commented on: November 20, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for commenting :D Yeah, Steven... that whole thing really just shows what type of person Sara was. Whatever her reasons, what she did was very cruel. This more than anything has really ruined Snow's vision of Sara. She's realized that the person she thought Sara was never existed and she never knew. I wasn't really planning on revealing that so soon since we won't, I'm sorry to say, be learning much more about Sara and what she wanted the money for in the near future. It just kind of fit in here pretty well, so there it is. Oh, but there's no such thing as too much Breaking Bad xD

    To be completely fair, I very nearly forgot about needing to tell Brad's story :P I knew he and Sophia were supposed to have their date, but I meant to do it a little earlier and since I'm fast approaching a time jump I couldn't put it off any longer so I had to slot it in here. You're on the right track with Brad's mom. She was involved with drugs and some other things that took her to a really bad place, so see? Not too much Breaking Bad :P Oh, Karen xD I don't really know if she'll pop up again or not. I like to give minor characters quite a bit of detail sometimes, just to hopefully make the town feel a bit more alive. Or she could be JTG and she's mad at the gang because they can all play instruments well and she can't :P Okay, that's probably not true but at least you found her interesting.

    Much like Steven and Sara's money, and I was never completely sure when Snow and Michael would become a couple. I knew they would at some point, but I never knew exactly when. Honestly, the whole thing makes me nervous. It's a relationship that I know no one is going to cheer for, which is a strange thing to write since you usually want people to like the coupling but whatever. I did it to myself xD But yes, the longer they're together and the more she comes to care for him, the worse it'll be when she finds out the truth. In the interim, though, Michael has a chance to prove himself to her. Whether or not that'll help when she finds out remains to be seen. Heh, Romeo and Juliet. No, no, never look to them for a quality relationship :P Anyway, I'm glad you think it's interesting and a good decision because I'm still nervous xD

    Like a lot of other things in this chapter, I didn't plan on revealing Emilia's big secret just yet but when looking for a way to end the chapter I thought it would be a fun way to wrap things up. But yes, it's quite possible Emilia used her evil powers to seduce Jackson, which is kind of bad for Snow since Jackson would be innocent if seduced by magic. Snow would be the only one did something bad of her own accord. Not to ruin any theories, but the strawberries thing is really just because I... well, I like strawberries and strawberry lip gloss :P Its a good theory, though. I can't say I'm intuitive enough to have noticed that.

    I think I focused way too much on the idea I had which was that Snow really wouldn't care that Steven was gay. I kept thinking about how that wouldn't affect her because she would just accept him as he is, as her friend, and move on, but while that's great of her it is pretty silly that she didn't comfort him about something that's clearly very difficult for him. I'll fix that because you're right; it really does feel like something's missing :) With Zoe (yes, her name is Zoe :P I was just writing a scene with her and I had to go back and make sure her name was, in fact, Zoe xD I'm bad and I know it) even if Emilia and her cohorts can figure out Zoe's who they're looking for, she's... let's just say she's more than capable of protecting herself if need be. I wouldn't be too worried about Zoe just yet. Snow, though... yeah, you might want to worry about her a little bit ;)    

    Commented on: November 1, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for the comment :) To be completely honest, I'd forgotten about Jacob a little myself :P I'd mentioned a while back that he was supposed to be getting out of the hospital on Saturday, but I was halfway through the chapter and he wasn't in it. I ended up having to do a pretty major rewrite due to my forgetfulness xD Jacob is facing a pretty tough new reality going back home now. He hasn't really had to face the world since Sara's death, so combine that with his injuries and he's going to have a pretty rough time. Lol never underestimate JTG's trollishness :P Sometimes in plain sight is the best place to hide something, right? Okay, so maybe it's a little bit too obvious but that could be exactly what JTG wants. Either that or she just got really lucky and Jacob accidentally sent them on a wild goose chase :P Hahaha, JTG has way too much time on her hands either way xD She's giving up valuable time when she could be doing normal people stuff to stalk high school girls. But if she doesn't have supernatural powers, can you imagine how many bags of pasta she had to buy to pull that off? Mistbrook Falls would be facing a massive pasta shortage :P Although it's possible JTG is just doing creepy things like that to all of them in the hopes it pays off. Snow might want to clean out her cupboard :P

    I know :( I was really horrible to Mary in this chapter. She really does need a hug. I felt bad being so cruel, but it had to be done. Mary being isolated is exactly what JTG wants, of course. Well, not Mary specifically, but all of them. Their friendship, their love for each other is their greatest strength. They're completely alone in this against JTG. If JTG can break that bond, even if it takes a long time, would be worth it. It's not necessarily JTG's main goal, more a weapon to use against them. As for the other girls, for the moment they agree with Snow and think Mary is being irrational about Michael. They've got no evidence to the contrary, so that's what they're sticking with. Even so, they could always change their minds as time goes on and they spend more time around Michael.

    Well, at least Michael can be praised for his consistency xD But yes, Ariana's watching Snow's back where Michael is concerned. Her vengeance would be swift and complete if he ever hurts Snow. You know, it's so far in the future that I don't even know if Ariana and Kayla will find out about JTG in time to bring their considerable resources down against her. I haven't really thought too much about it since if they find out too soon they can finance a private army to hunt JTG down :P On the other hand, it would be fun to see JTG on the defensive. So far, she's always attacking. I'm not sure how she'd respond to playing defense.

    And now I want to go see The Phantom of the Opera again :P Eh, I've got some free time this weekend... why do I get the feeling I'm going to end up buying theatre tickets tonight? xD I vaguely remember the scene you're talking about, but I can't recall the specifics either. It's been ages since I've seen it too, so I don't remember but... well, let's just say the gang won't be having much fun on Halloween. I don't know if anyone will be hung, but I don't think anyone will be escaping without a few scars.

    You don't know how happy I am that you brought up Mary's reaction. My sister and I debated it for a while and we couldn't decide which way was best. We kept bouncing back and forth between whether Mary should be afraid of Michael or if she should be more aggressive since she wants Snow far away from him. It was sort of a question of what would be at the forefront of Mary's mind, her fear or her desire to protect her friend. I wrote both versions of the scene and eventually went with this one, but I can't say I've been completely satisfied with it and I know I want to go back and rework it. I want two completely conflicting emotions at the same time. Hmm, conflicting emotions, now there's an idea. She could react with fear but on the inside wish she could show him exactly how he felt... which would require a POV change... Well, I'm probably not going to go to bed now like I planned :P I'm having ideas and I'll never go to sleep if I don't at least start.    

    Commented on: October 22, 2015

  • Cursed

    I was really nervous to read this chapter, which is bad since I knew I wouldn't be able to read it until tonight so it's just been lurking in the background, taunting me with promises of terrible things happening. While my fears, for the moment, aren't fully realized, I'm now even more terrified than I was before :P Anyway, it seems as though Janelle is starting to settle into her new role pretty well. She's found a new purpose and focus and I think that's good for her. As Thomas says, if she'll build up her self confidence, she'll do great. Maybe if she sees some success on this mission, she'll start to gain some of that.

    Assuming Sam ever makes it back to Janelle (please, please, please xD) I feel like she might be more forgiving than Janelle thinks. She's obviously going to be going through a lot before they see each other again, and she might be so happy to see Janelle that she doesn't even care what she's done in the meantime. But even if she's ticked off for a while, Thomas is completely right that Sam will eventually forgive her. I'm not sure there's too much Janelle could do that Sam wouldn't forgive at some point. #Friendship :P Speaking of Thomas, it was good to see him again too. I was worried about him after he vanished with Victor a while back, but since Victor didn't murder/dismember/eat/etc him (yet) I'm feeling quite relieved. I'm not comfortable with Janelle going off and leaving him alone with this lot, but hopefully he'll be okay while she's gone.

    Alice has got to be the most heartbreaking little girl to ever live :( I think I want to see the Gifted overthrown just so she, Caleb, and Marina can live safe and happily together. Wow, I want Caleb to live safe and happy? What's gotten into me? :P Sure, Caleb, sure. You forgot something, I believe you. No, you couldn't possibly be off to do anything else. No, that would be silly :P It was nice to learn more about Ben too. His story was really, really sad :( I feel bad for him and Lily too. I can't imagine what it feels like to lose a child, but I can see how something like that could drive two people apart. As for Wesley, his response to Janelle becoming a deputy is interesting. It didn't seem happy for her, but he didn't come off as jealous either. But then he didn't seem flustered just because he was surprised that she was promoted so quickly. I know he doesn't trust the group, but... hmm, I'm not sure what to make of that.

    Okay... this part. The part I've been dreading. Writing-wise, it was fantastically well done. I was nervous all the while Carey was trying to undo her bindings, hoping she'd manage to free herself. The interrogation scene with the Leader was tense and terrifying and really unnerving. The Leader almost seemed obsessed with how Carey escaped as a baby. Carey makes a very good point. How could she know that and why was the Leader so certain she did? Very curious. Ugh, my fingers are actually hurting right now :P That was so unexpected and horrifying. Just stay strong Carey, stay strong. I'm really worried for the others too, particularly Sam. She's nonGifted and I'm not sure the Leader will have much use for her.  

    Geez, I've always thought the Gifted were some egotistical bastards, but the Leader takes the prize. 'We are the great powers above'? She thinks awfully highly of herself, doesn't she? Whether the Queens of the Stars are real or not, you're not one of them, lady. I'm much more inclined to agree with Carey's answer instead. Anyway, I really liked this chapter despite Carey being tortured. That just made me want to stab the Leader just a little bit. I've been worried for ages and now I'm even more scared than ever. I don't know what's happening to Sam, 256, and 805 and I'm really nervous. I'm going to stay hopeful that everyone will be okay, but somehow I just don't see them all making it out of the Leader's clutches in one piece. 

    Commented on: October 2, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Thanks for the comments! Please, don't apologize. I'm eternally late and incredibly forgetful. Just today I remembered I promised to read something on fictionpress a month ago and I still haven't done it. I'm bad and I feel bad :P

    Well, put Abby and Jake together for very long and you're sure to lighten the mood a little bit. Poor Jake's always embarrassing himself around her somehow. With Scarlett, Abby doesn't want anyone to catch on that their might somehow be a connection between them. That's something she'll keep close to her chest for a long time.

    Hehe, my brother's in the Navy, so I get a bit of advice from him from time to time on how Abby should give orders and talk to the crew. Then I put my own spin on it and go with it. Abby hates the Na'Vaxii with a passion and she has very good reasons for it. It's not anything I've mentioned at this point, but you're getting there :P I'm glad you like Abby's depth. Sometimes I feel like she's not... I don't know if I want to say realistic or not, but anyway I'm glad you think that aspect is ok :)

    I like to think the details of ships and stuff works because I'm not at all attempting to remain scientifically accurate :P I love technobabble and without it, I couldn't begin to tell you how half the stuff these people use works. Fabricators, Translight drives, particle beam arrays... yeah, no. It flows because the characters believe it since all this advanced technology is so commonplace in their world. I don't have to go deep into detail with it to the point where it gets boring.  

    Thanks for pointing out those errors! I'll add them to my list and the next time I can convince my incredibly lazy self to do an editing pass, I'll be sure to fix them. Editing... ugh, I hate it so much :P It doesn't help that I don't like reading my own work either.

    Haha, you're noticing my tendency to reference things via ship names :P I haven't done it much with characters, but I do it frequently with ships. You won't ever see something as prominent as a UEF Millennium Falcon flying around, but you might eventually catch a glimpse of the Centennial Eagle out there somewhere. No, that's not a joke xD

    Commented on: September 29, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Lol, I'll take no blame for any bad grades. No blame at all, I say :P Regardless, thanks for the comment xD On the subject of Snow's judgment when it comes to Michael, you're probably right. In fact, the same could be said for Snow's judgment of pretty much anyone. As you say, she has a history of being wrong about people. She isn't always the best when it comes to reading people. She thinks she is, but hopefully one day she'll realize she isn't. Ariana, on the other hand, is a fantastic people reader. It's a trait Snow sadly didn't get from her mother. Kayla and Ariana will definitely keep a close watch on him, no worries there. I mean, have you met Kayla? Michael will be lucky if she doesn't hire a private investigator to follow him around town :P

    Haha, poor Michael just can't win xD I tried to make him less creepy than usual this time around, which might have made him seem even more creepy, now that I think about it. Ah well, he's just a creepy guy. There's only so much help I can give him :P Their age difference is a disturbing thing, no reason to feel bad about it. Snow is very much an underage girl and Michael is decidedly not. The idea of their relationship was partially inspired (as so many things in this are :P) by Aria and Ezra from Pretty Little Liars. They have one of the longest lasting relationships on that show, and yet when they started dating Ezra was Aria's high school English teacher so there's a pretty big age difference between them. Those two have always kind of creeped me out, so him being so much older just made Michael that much more creepy. Lol, if there were a convincing way for JTG to trick Snow and Michael into thinking they were brother and sister, I would absolutely do it xD Almost seems like something JTG would do just to screw with them :P

    I hadn't really planned to involve Sophia directly in the JTG plot any time soon, but I was hit with the idea of getting other characters involved in different ways that aren't about using secrets to hurt people. JTG is actually appearing to be a friend, someone that's trying to anonymously help Sophia solve her case and Miranda's murder, which she didn't even realize needed to be solved. JTG won't be trying to hurt her like she is the others. She's got other, more insidious plans for Sophia. Anyway, I wouldn't take anything that comes from a JTG message at face value. She's a master at lying and manipulation. JTG could, in theory, make the girls take the fall for Sara's murder as well as Miranda's or something like that. Or she could have just been trying to say something clever to grab Sophia's attention :P Whatever her plans, never believe anything JTG says... most of the time xD

    Oh, there will be shenanigans, trust me :P All sorts of shenanigans.    

    Commented on: September 29, 2015

  • The Killer

    It figures the one time I read this surrounded by other people in a brightly lit environment, it isn't scary :P I have the worst timing ever. Anyway, it was really nice to meet Nate's parents in the present. I was glad his dad encouraged Nate to visit a counselor. He may not think he needs counseling, but it couldn't hurt him at this point. On the other hand, maybe it could hurt him a lot. Still, Nate seems to be beginning to crack. He's so focused on punishing Brandon, so sure that he's the one that killed Lauren almost to the point of irrationality. He's becoming obsessed with Brandon and as much as I wanted Nate to go through with confronting him... he's not grieving. He's just wasting away, exhausted and miserable while clinging to the idea of revenge. Counseling could help him start to move on, if nothing else for the sake of his children.

    After this chapter I can only assume that Lauren and Brandon may have had some sort of affair. Just based on the way Nate and Frances were talking, that's what it sounds like. It wasn't what I was expecting, but it does make sense. Assuming that's what happened, I'm really curious how it came about. Lauren and Nate seem so happy in the flashbacks of them. So many questions, oh so many questions xD Nate seems to partially blame himself, so what did he do? Or perhaps what didn't he do that made Lauren go looking somewhere else? Or was Lauren just disloyal? No, that doesn't seem right. Yeah, so many questions :P

    So Fran knows there's some missing time in Nate's story. That's not good news for Nate. All that would need to be done would be to look at the time of Nate calling the paramedics with the estimated time he left Frances (and she obviously knows when that was) and suddenly his alibi could have a pretty big hole in it. Anyway, while this chapter wasn't scary, it was definitely interesting and emotional. I'm really worried for Nate now and I still have absolutely no idea what's going to happen next. Nate's next meeting with Brandon should be interesting and I'm really curious if Nate will actually go through with confronting him next time.

    Aww, Bonnie. We had a miniature schnauzer when I was a kid. Oh, memories :P

    Commented on: September 22, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Well, it isn't the whole story, but it's 99% of it. Honestly, I've been wanted to get that information out there for a while now, there just hasn't been a place to fit it in. It was a mystery that didn't need to be a mystery, so I leapt on the first chance I got to reveal it. I wrote another version of this chapter that was a flashback to Labor Day and Sara came back as a POV character. It had everything about what Sara knew about Miranda, whether or not Sara meant to push her off the cliff, and what Sara did to Mary. That one wouldn't have raised any questions at all :P That's why I eventually settled on this one instead. The other just revealed way too much. I went back and forth for ages on which version to use because I really liked the other one. I still want to use it sometime though. I have no idea where, but somewhere :P

    Jackson and Steven both have their share of secrets, no doubt. That doesn't necessarily mean that JTG chose to target them because of those secrets, but they do have them and I'm sure JTG will use those secrets for all sorts of mischief at some point :P Heh, I very nearly forgot about Sara's computer xD I've been meaning to get it to Steven for a while, but since Steven wasn't involved I couldn't do it. Once he did get involved, I didn't give it another thought :P It might be a while before we get to those secrets, but we'll get around to them.

    Lol, everybody hates Michael :P Someone told me recently that they couldn't trust him because he's in the sacrificing virgins to Satan business. Poor guy just can't win xD  I'm still not completely sure when Snow will discover the truth about Michael and Mary, but I don't think it will be for a while yet. I've got a lot of other things to deal with and I need Snow to not have murdered Michael until after that :P You're right that it will completely destroy Snow's image of him and her trust in him. Without giving anything away, it will take Snow to a very dark place when she finds out what he did to Mary. She trusts him almost completely at this point so give her a good amount of time to develop a close friendship with him or even something deeper... it won't be pretty, let's put it that way. Don't worry though, your patience will be greatly rewarded xD I'm confident that Snow's first emotion will be absolute rage and Michael will get his just rewards for that. I don't think she'd kill him, but he may wish she had once she's finished with him xD Thanks for commenting :D 

     

    Commented on: September 22, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Hehe, that hair color thing is going to be a major pain to deal with now. Since originally Scarlett and Abby weren't related, Scarlett's hair was naturally red. Now, I chose to change all of that so she's naturally a brunette. The only problem is that I've got literally hundreds of pages of material to go through and change every mention of Scarlett having red hair. Sigh... the things I make myself do :P Anyway, I wouldn't say the whole truth about Scarlett is revealed, just most of it. Abby is operating completely based on fear at the moment. She's scared absolutely out of her mind and every decision she makes is based on minimizing any potential damage. Abby's still hiding quite a bit of stuff about her past, and she'll keep doing as long as she feels she needs to. She knew Jake had recognized their resemblance, so she knew she had reveal something of her past. Even so, she made sure to hold back as much as she could to limit the damage if Scarlett found out. The only problem is she didn't think it through very well xD There's a flaw with her story that Jake didn't notice and Abby never even considered :P I did think about Scarlett maybe being Abby's little sister for a while, but I couldn't come up with a convincing reason why she ended up on the Freedom's Progress. Of course, that could just be lack of imagination on my part :P

    I was thinking about how Scarlett might notice their resemblance just last night. I'm not sure when it'll hit her, but it has to eventually. She definitely hasn't noticed anything yet, but I do think subconsciously she has some idea and when she does eventually find out I don't see it being a big surprise to her. Deep down, she already knows. No, you're absolutely right that Abby wouldn't be happy to see Scarlett go live with a foster family at all. It's not what would make her happy, but Abby's pretty much at the point where she doesn't believe she'll ever be happy again. Every time she's been happy her life's been torn apart, so she's not thinking about what will make her happy. She's seen her entire family murdered and in her mind if Scarlett stays with her and they start a happy family, she'll end up losing Scarlett too. It's an illogical line of thought, but Abby's basing her decisions on fear, not logic. She's given up on finding permanent happiness and all she cares about is protecting the only thing left in the world that she loves. She thinks that Scarlett would be safer with another family than she would be with her. The thing is, adopting Scarlett is exactly what she needs to do if she really wants to be happy. She's just too scared to do it.

    On the flip side from Scarlett, a relationship with Jake is something Abby can seriously consider. It's scary for her because it does require her to open her heart, but if anything happened to Jake it wouldn't be as painful a blow as it would be if it were Scarlett. She thinks she could survive losing Jake. They're both soldiers and she's used to that kind of loss, so she's considering lowering her defenses that far. Haha, yes Jake would be very pleased about that, no doubt :P He really has no idea what he's getting himself into with her, but yeah, he'd be happy. Abby is annoyed with Jake there at the end, mainly because he did speak the truth. He's right, she knows it, but she doesn't want him to be right :P

    Anyway, thanks for commenting. I'm glad you liked this chapter, and... well, define 'terrible'. I'm kidding! They're on Earth, after all. There's a fleet of a thousand spaceships up there keeping them safe. What could possibly go wrong? I mean one of them could trip and fall in a hole and break their leg or something, but compared to interstellar space battles, Earth problems seem so mundane xD I miss space already :P

    Commented on: September 12, 2015

  • Cursed

    Aaaaaaaand... my bad feeling has been justified :P I don't even know where to start with this chapter, there's so much to go over. Okay, so firstly it was really interesting to see that Gifts of Earth are bothered by being high up and separated from the ground. I wasn't at all sure what theirs would be. I could hazard a guess at the other two, but Earth not so much. Unfortunately it isn't an easily exploitable weakness the rebels can use, but it is nice to see the Gifted do get scared. It really does help to humanize them that much more.

    Aww, 256 wants to know where he's from :( It's good that he wants to know, but really sad that he can't find out now. If only 805 could remember. He didn't seem like he did either. Normally I'd question whether he was just hiding it from 256, but it didn't seem like he was doing that.

    So the Gifted have glasses too then? Where are they getting all this technology? The Other Worlds? If so, which one? It doesn't seem like they're manufacturing it themselves, so they've got to be getting it from somewhere. Then again, they seemed surprised by bows and arrows which are known to be Other World weapons, so... I don't know xD Anyway, the history of how the Gifted came to be was really interesting. There's lots of interesting information in there. I was especially surprised by the fact that the first Gifted boy could control all four elements. I didn't expect that it all started with one single person. That's really interesting... theories are going to start spinning up over here xD All this also raises a lot of questions about Tarantis. If they've waited all this time, wanting to destroy the Gifted then they'd have a good reason to help the rebels do just that. But after so many hundreds of years, would they really still be worried about the Gifted? I definitely feel like I'm missing some vital information about all this.  

    I'm not sure how much of this I actually believe, especially considering the chapter title. History is, after all, written by the victors and clearly the Gifted won, so it wouldn't surprise me in the least if the Gifted were just making up crap to make themselves appear to be the victims. But there's sure to be some truth to the story too, no doubt. I would imagine the truth sits somewhere in the middle between this extreme and the other. I can't imagine the Gifted were completely innocent, but I doubt they were entirely responsible for everything. I'm immensely curious who the Queens of the Stars are as well. Deities, aliens, or something that doesn't exist at all. The Gifted don't seem the type for religion, they're too egotistical to believe there's someone superior to them. Hmm... so many questions xD If only I could spend an afternoon in that library :P

    Oh, the Leader... she's a sneaky witch, isn't she? Now the gang has been captured :( I was starting to think they might make it out okay, given how they've managed to sneak about successfully. Although I guess they haven't been sneaking successfully at all, have they? :P I'm really really worried for all of them. The Leader is quite clearly a woman that will go to whatever lengths necessary to achieve her ends and she's not above torture, so... so yeah, I have no idea what's going to happen, but it's going to be very bad. I can't imagine anyone's going to be coming to rescue them either, so it seems they are very much on their own. I'm also really curious about 805 and who he's supposed to have killed. Even more than that, why would the Leader think the Council was so afraid of him that they fabricated a story to let him off? Oh, so many questions xD

    Anyway, enough of my late night rambling :P This chapter was really good. I liked learning about some of the history of the island and the Gifted. The Leader questioning 805 was tense and frightening because I just knew she was going to catch him all the way through. Now I'm going to be freaking out, anxiously waiting to see what happens next.

    Commented on: August 30, 2015

  • Snowfall

    If you don't know what to think of Michael then I'm succeeding far beyond my expectations (which weren't all that high, honestly) and that makes me happy. I want Michael to be a constant source of concern, even when he's being nice. I agree that the age gap plays into that somewhat and it was intentional to a degree. Michael was supposed to be a high school student, but it all seemed much more creepy if he was older. If they ever start dating, I feel bad for him when it's time to 'meet the parents' :P Kayla has a lot of guns xD I never want to say anything for certain when I haven't written it yet, but I would say it's 99.9% probable that Snow will find out about Mary. She pretty much has to, and when she eventually does... yeah, it's gonna completely change her view of him. Whatever his reasons, Mary is one of Snow's closest friends and she won't forgive that easily. Have you ever heard Miranda Lambert's Gunpowder and Lead? That's sort of how I imagine Snow reacting :P Michael better have magical powers because he'll need them. Snow was raised by Kayla, after all xD Of course, a betrayal like that would likely devastate her. She's at a place where she feels she can't trust anyone outside of her little circle of friends and she's opened herself up to Michael. Being betrayed by someone she trusts and really cares about would crush her... and her mom's dying too. Eh... I might need to get Snow some psychiatric help. She's on her way to getting a lot of really bad news.

     

    Haha, there is a lot of evidence to prove that Sara is dead xD I feel a little weird writing those scenes with them debating if Sara is still alive. I mean, you were all at her funeral. It just felt like something they might consider when faced with evidence that Sara might still be alive and that 'she's a ghost' isn't the most logical response for them to have. Sara did genuinely care about her friends, that's true, but she cared about herself more, at least back then. Mary may be reaching with her theory, but selling out her friends to save herself is something Sara might possibly have been willing to do. She wouldn't have tormented them all this time, though. That's something altogether different, although I would imagine death changes people, so... :P With Miranda... you're getting warm, I'll leave it at that. You are missing something and it'd be pretty tough to connect the pieces without that information. Heck, it would be hard to connect all the pieces even with that information. Ah, the web I've woven xD Miranda really did hate all of the girls though, Sara in particular. If she knew Snow had all of her popularity, she wouldn't be at all happy about it and would have set out to do whatever was necessary to destroy her.

     

    Snow can read Latin, yes. She can actually speak three languages in addition to being able to read Latin fairly well. English, Spanish, and French. It's definitely something she's learned mostly on her own. She loves to learn, she loves language, and it seemed like something she would have some grasp of. At least that's what I was aiming for. Hopefully it doesn't seem too silly :P Thanks for commenting :) I usually say that at the beginning... we're doing things backwards tonight xD

    Commented on: August 25, 2015

  • State of Decay: The Day the World Died

    Thanks for the comment :) I'm really glad you felt bad for Alex and liked where she is emotionally. She's always been pretty confident in herself, brave and outgoing for the most part. I wanted what's happened so far to break her down until she realizes that she's a fifteen year old girl with absolutely no idea how to survive in this new world and almost no way to protect herself. That basically crushed her confidence. To be completely honest, the crossing the camp scene bugs me but then its an action scene so I've come to expect that I'm never going to be completely happy with my action sequences. I am really happy that you thought it was okay, because I struggled with that scene for a while.  

    They have found a way to kill them permanently. They won't be coming back from a head wound like that. I considered holding off on revealing that for a while and let them struggle a bit with ways to stop them, but it would have been pointless and tedious to drag it out I felt, so in it went. The zombies aren't totally blind as they can still see movement and sources of bright light, but otherwise yes, they're blind. If you stood completely still in front of one it wouldn't see you, but since their senses of smell and hearing are vastly increased it could still smell you or hear you. High School of the Dead is one of the many sources I turned to for this (please bear in mind that under no circumstances will Alex fight zombies dressed in those ridiculous outfits, additionally no one will use her boobs to brace a rifle either :P) I'm far from a zombie expert so I had to do some research. I've combined a lot of zombie traits from different places along with a few of my own, probably unoriginal, ideas and went with it.   

    I really have no idea how long they'll be on the mountain. Not long, I wouldn't think since there's really only so much I can do in such a limited setting. Now as far as them getting off the mountain without any further issues... what would be the fun in that? :P Zombies could swarm the ranger station, the bus could break down on the way out, or the military could decide to just nuke the entire site from orbit. It is the only way to be sure. Anyway, the choices are endless xD

    Commented on: August 20, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Thanks for commenting :) I did think about letting Abby and Jake go their separate ways for a while and let them meet up later, but it really just made an already very long story that much longer and didn't add anything to it. The rest of the gang unfortunately won't reappear again in this story at all. They won't be back until the sequel, but they're fine. No need to worry :P Haha, yeah that's the kind of relationship Scarlett and Jake end up having. They're constantly teasing each other and stuff. It's a very brother/sister-ish relationship. Heh, Jake essentially is a lost cause, but who knows? He might surprise you someday xD Scarlett and the ice cream parlor is a scene I very nearly cut. It was from when Scarlett was supposed to be much younger than she is now, but since I've been known to squeal like a little girl at the prospect of ice cream, it stayed xD Lol, don't worry :) I like rambling and besides, I've done the exact same thing before. That or really late at night, occasionally 1 or 2am. I'm honestly surprised people can even make sense of those :P

    I would say Abby is 100% more terrified of what she's doing with Jake and Scarlett than she ever was facing down those admirals. That's just part of the world that she knows and understands. Jake and Scarlett's world is one she doesn't know and is really scared of. On Endeavour she's safe, she's in control and she can comfort herself by saying she's kept a professional distance from Jake and Scarlett. On Earth, she'll have a tough time with that. It's the scariest thing she can imagine, losing control and making herself that vulnerable. Abby would disagree, but yes, peace and quiet would do her a lot of good. It'll give her time to relax and adapt to the world outside the military and see that it really isn't that scary at all. Well, it'll definitely be culture shock for Scarlett xD She's never seen a cow. She's lived in the lap of luxury her entire life. Living on a ranch, even a really nice one, will be a big change for her.  

    Commented on: August 15, 2015

  • Cursed

    Going in, I wasn't expecting to get nearly as many answers and I got. A lot of things I've been wondering about were revealed in this chapter, but of course now I've got more questions, but I'm still happy xD It was really nice to get so much backstory about Caleb and his group. Marina's story went from sweet and touching to sad and heartbreaking. Getting a taste of a younger, gentler Caleb caring for a girl and her mother was really nice and everything he's done to protect Marina and Alice... geez, I'm actually starting to really like this guy :P Terrifying as I find that prospect, seeing Caleb's history and everything he and his family have been through is definitely warming me toward him.

    Then there's Ben's story of Henry going rogue and slaughtering the Gifted. I was really excited to get the details of all of that because that was a big thing keeping me from trusting this new group, so to learn about Henry makes it much easier for me to trust Caleb's group. Speaking of Ben, I instantly liked him. I don't know what it is about him, but he seems like a straightforward, down to Earth kind of guy. Probably means he's evil/going to die soon, but that's beside the point :P It was also really interesting to learn about the black market in the Council and that Caleb's group has spies there. I guess Carey, Sam, and 256 aren't completely alone even if they don't know it.

    Gah, Tarantis! Really? I mean, really? The instant, I mean the absolute second I start trusting Caleb and his group, I find out they're being supplied by the bad Otherworlders. I even agreed with Caleb when he said that they're at war and people are going to have to die if they're going to win. Now I'm really worried. I'd bet dollars to donuts Janelle is right and Victor is from Tarantis and is working to achieve whatever evils it is they intend. Assuming they're evil at all and Hahana and Maui are telling the truth. For all I know they could be the bad ones and Tarantis is a perfect pleasant country. I really have no idea who to trust or what to think at this point xD No matter who's good or bad, whenever everyone comes back together again it should make for one heck of a reunion, that's for sure. Oooh, but Thomas is mysteriously absent! He was last seen with Victor and... oh crap, now I'm really scared for him.

    I'm glad Janelle seems to have gotten her groove back a little bit now that she's in a leadership role again. This mission she's going on with Ben should be exciting and a good way for her to gain more leadership experience and get some good confidence in herself. Anyway, you've left me excited, worried, and very scared since I don't think I can trust anyone anymore. I really did enjoy this chapter and I'm excited to see what happens next since I still can't shake that bad feeling I've been having for a while now. I just know the second that feeling starts to go away and I let my guard down there will be some sort of horrible massacre and my vulnerable heart will be shattered :P

    Commented on: August 13, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Thanks for the comment :) Haha, Abby's a very lucky girl, no doubt. Sure, she was exaggerating when she thought that the admirals were talking about how to make her disappear, but... well, let's just say that the Federation wouldn't be above that sort of thing if it suited their goals. Anyway, I'm glad you liked that scene. I've never been completely satisfied with it personally, I'm constantly revisiting it and changing things :P Abby's speech on the other hand is one of my favorite parts. It's the first time she gets to really show what she's made of. She's feisty when she's mad, and their comments about Scarlett definitely made her mad. She might not always see it in herself, but she's a leader. She's an exceptionally good leader and this is one of the times she shows just how strong she is. As for Abby and Scarlett's connection, I'll say soonish xD I don't know exactly when myself right now. I'm very nearly to the part that I haven't written yet. I've got tons more material, but there's a huge gap right in the middle of the story and that's where I'm at right now. So for the time being, I'll stick with soonish because that's probably the best description of it. Now who's rambling? :P

    I felt Scottish myself this past weekend, although in that case I was in a Scottish pub and there were certain amounts of hard cider involved. I'm getting off topic :P Yeah, the admirals had every reason to be a little ticked off. Whatever Abby said about saving lives and that being what she signed up to do (which she does truly believe in) she only went to rescue the Freedom's Progress because she knew Scarlett was onboard. She knew how much trouble she could get into in things went south, but it was a risk she had to take. Oh, so you didn't pick up on the fact that the other admirals are mute? I thought I made it perfectly clear, but I guess I should edit that to make it more obvious... yeah, you're not buying that, are you? xD Either I was being extremely lazy the day I wrote that or I had a bad case of the dumbs. Either way, thanks for pointing that out. I'll add that to my list of edits I plan on making when I next get some free time :)

    Hope's promotion is a direct effect of my changing the story so they returned to Earth instead of... well, something else that we now won't be getting to for a while. Originally Sheridan was going to die during the thing that happens and Hope was going to take his place, but she wouldn't have gotten a promotion since there wouldn't have been anyone around to give it to her. Since they did come back, Sheridan gets to live and Hope ends up in his position anyway. It's a win-win for everyone xD She deserves the promotion, to be sure, and with a little more self-confidence she'll be just fine. There isn't a time skip, or at least not one right now. I did consider it since going to Earth pretty much takes all of the sci-fi out of this story, but there's no way to make the story work if I skip those six months before Endeavour's back in action again. So what comes next will be lacking spaceships and interstellar conflicts, but I hope to make up for it in other ways :P Now, I'm going to shut up considering I'm sure I've blathered on for entirely too long xD      

    Commented on: August 12, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Thanks for the comment! Jake... he's not really too bothered by his breakup with Megan. It was so long ago and he's not the kind of guy that's going to pine over a girl. There's a lot of stars in the universe in his opinion, so he's very much over it at this point. That said, it is a pretty sad story. It's definitely something I want to revisit at some point and show more of what happened because although he's over it now, he had a tough time of it when it happened. Lol, absolutely not. No matter how long those two are around each other, she'll never let him forget about that one :P Just because I made a habit back in Warehouse where every time people were happy it meant something awful was about to happen doesn't necessarily mean I've continued that here. We could go a long time without anything bad happening at all... but then, where would the fun be in that? xD

    Abby and Scarlett would both benefit from spending time together. They've got very similar backstories, what with both of them having their homes destroyed and losing their families. Hehe, it might have been a bit of a cheesy line, but it's completely right. She needs to learn to let herself love again. I guess it's really more that she's too afraid to love, but the point still stands that Scarlett would be of great help getting her to open her heart again. Adoption services are the same or maybe even worse. Kids from planets the Na'Vaxii have destroyed end up in refugee camps on other worlds and eventually get placed in foster care. The system is flooded with orphaned children, so Scarlett would have next to no chance of ever getting adopted :(

    Hahaha, yes, the Enterprise xD Every space navy needs an Enterprise, right? Really I just needed a quick name for a ship and Enterprise popped into my head, but it also lets me reference Star Trek, so yay :P There might also one day be a ship called the Centennial Eagle, which is in no way a reference to the Star Wars' Millennium Falcon. It's... just a coincidence xD But yes, Abby's recovery is going quite well for the moment. Things could change later, but for now she's doing much better. Their adventures on Earth will be much different from their antics on Endeavour, that's for sure. Since they don't have the Na'Vaxii to worry about (probably :P) they'll have to find trouble of a purely human variety. Of course, that's not exactly a difficult thing to do, especially when you're Abby. That girl has a habit of finding all sorts of trouble :P

    Commented on: August 4, 2015

  • The Killer

    Okay, I've really got to stop reading this in the dark, by myself :P And this time I'm not even in the comfort of my own home where I can read it while hidden under by favorite blanket. Instead, I've got this creepy mirror across the hotel room that I keep seeing scary shapes in out of the corner of my eye. Anyway, to start with you win points for using a Marina and the Diamonds song. Good choice there xD. This chapter is positively chilling and (at least to a wimp like me) terrifying. The scene with Nate finding Lauren's severed head was really unnerving. I knew, going into it, what he was going to find but you still managed to fill me with suspense nonetheless. I liked Nate's reaction to his gruesome discovery (is that a horrible thing to say?) It was interesting that he's calling emergency services even though its quite clear there's nothing paramedics could do. As though his mind can't completely comprehend what's happened, which it probably can't at the moment. While I've never found the severed head of a loved one, that sort of response seemed realistic.

    Oh, Nate... Nate, Nate, Nate, why didn't you go through with it? I was really hoping he would because then I would hopefully know more things about Brandon, who's still pretty much a complete unknown. Ah well, I can wait. I'm really curious as to whether or not it was Nate's lack of courage or something else that just wouldn't let him say anything.

    The description of the murder at the end was very well done and really scary. That's the kind of horror that I find the scariest. Something as simple and straightforward (on the surface) as an attack with a knife managed to really freak me out. With Nate not being able to control his own actions, to his attempted suicide afterward. The scene was just downright unnerving. I liked the way you turned a sweet, romantic moment into a violent, bloody betrayal. Even knowing things that I shouldn't now know, the whole thing was very surprising and I really didn't see it coming at all. By the way, my brother has a tendency to sneak up behind me and hug me like that (well, you know, not exactly like that, but you get my meaning :P) If I freak out and kick him in the groin the next time he does it, I'm making him read this so he'll understand my reaction xD Anyway, this was, overall, one of my favorite chapters so far. It was perfectly terrifying and intriguing at the same time. I'll be looking forward to the next one as I really have no idea whatsoever what could come next.

    Commented on: August 1, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Thanks for commenting :) Despite all of Abby's issues (and she's got a lot of them :P) she really does have a special place in her heart for her crew. She doesn't have a family and she's too afraid to let herself love anyone after all she's lost, so her crew, in a way, fills that void in her life. She's able to care about people without making herself vulnerable by letting herself love them. In some ways, she thinks of them as her children and she really wants to protect them and see them succeed. Yeah, there's wasn't much about Jake there, just a little bit. We'll get to more of Jake's backstory soon, but yeah he really is pretty normal xD There's plenty of other people with dark secrets though, so there won't be a shortage of that.

    Let's just say if anyone did find out Abby had told those three (four, since Scarlett overheard) no one would ever see or hear from any of them ever again. They would, quite simply, disappear from the face of the galaxy never to be seen again. Section 9, a subdivision of the Department of Naval Intelligence that deals with clandestine-type operations, would see to their disposal quite swiftly. As for Abby suspecting Sheridan, she absolutely suspects him. She's suspicious of every single person on the ship and having someone of Sheridan's rank as the operative would be exactly what One Galaxy would do. He's in the perfect position to do all sorts of bad things, and Abby's scared because he's in command of her ship and she's in no condition to take over. That's the biggest reason she didn't invite him. She basically has to trust him, but she's not going to let him in on who she's using as spies just in case he's up to no good.

    Lol, Jake and his awkward situations :P He definitely wins the award for Most Foot-In-Mouth Moments Ever. He'll have plenty of time for more of those moments, and how could he not? It's what he's best at xD Abby will never let him live down the whole peeking down her shirt thing. Never xD Sadly, that's not nearly everything poor Abby's been through :( She easily makes up for Jake's lack of dark secrets. Honestly, I've only ever tortured one other character as much as I have Abby and that's Ariana. Weirdly, they're probably my favorite characters I've written. I wonder if that says something about me? :P   

    Commented on: July 27, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Lol, no ordering from them probably wasn't the best idea :P I'm not sure how that place is even still in business. Of course, no wedding supplied by them is ever a dull affair xD Hehe, I don't expect anyone to suspect Zoe of being the person Cooper mentioned. If anyone does, I'll be greatly surprised. She's only had maybe three lines of dialogue so far so she's not exactly a character anyone's thinking about. I really don't know when she'll reappear, since Michael and Brad are trying to keep their distance from her, but it shouldn't be too long. Oooh, oooh, I know! Sorry... ideas are forming over here xD

    Brad's a complicated guy, that's really the only way to describe him. He doesn't want to hurt Snow, but he will if he has to. He's very focused and direct. He looks for the quickest and most decisive way to solve a problem and doesn't worry about looking for alternatives. In this case, killing Snow takes care of his problem, so that's what he wants to do. Telling her the truth would just make things complicated. Michael, obviously, isn't going to just let it happen which will definitely cause some conflict between them.

    Well, you're right that they weren't talking about Sara. That doesn't mean neither one of them is responsible for her death, but they were talking about someone else. Miranda (you got the name right ;)) on the other hand is a perfectly valid guess. The details surrounding her death will be coming very soon, before Sophia and Brad's date. The girls are definitely involved, but they may not know everything that happened that day. In fact, I'd say its very likely that they don't. As for what Brad intends to tell Sophia on their date... well, I'm not sure he'd want to confess to a murder while on a date with a cop xD Although he does have a witch for a friend, so Brad could get his guilt off of his chest and then Zoe could wipe her memories*

    *This is in no way a confirmation that Zoe can, in fact, erase people's memories xD 

    Commented on: July 24, 2015

  • Cursed

    I'll have to ask you to excuse me if I'm not my usual chipper self today. I've just finished playing through episode 5 of the Game of Thrones game from Telltale and fittingly, I am extremely upset and depressed now :P Anyway, it was really interesting to get a glimpse of Wesley's journey so far. Given how long it's been since Carey was taken away, he must have had quite the adventure to get where he is now. It was nice to see how he came to join Caleb's group and get a lot of insight into his motivations. They're a lot alike, Wesley and Janelle. Neither of them really wants to fight, they just want their loved ones back. The image of Wesley's parents asking him to bring Carey back is really powerful and the whole time I was saying to myself; "Just say Carey's name, Wesley. Just say it once. C'mon man! That's all you need to do." :P But alas it wasn't meant to be. Its interesting, but Wesley's only appeared in a small smattering of chapters and yet now I want to see him complete his quest and find his sister with the same passion I want to see all the other characters succeed. I really do like him, which knowing my luck means he's destined to die soon :P I always fall in love with the doomed characters no matter what it is I'm reading/watching xD I'm also quite curious about Wesley's mission that went bad. Could it have been the one where he ran into 256 or something else? Hmm... curious indeed.

    Aww, Alice :( Poor kid. A hidden rebel base is hardly a place for a little girl, with no one her age around for her to talk to. I feel really bad for her. I still can't imagine what could have happened to upset her so much, but whatever it is I hope she'll be okay. Hmm, well isn't Caleb suddenly all kind and compassionate :P He's just a big teddy bear deep down, isn't he? No? Yeah, probably not. Still, he seems to have some positive qualities so that's good. Noooo... too many more moments like that and I'll start warming to him. I won't let down my guard, I say! I will not do it :P Hehe, 'Daleb' xD Nice cover, Alice. Very well done :P Although she was crying, so I suppose she could have just been congested and having a hard time pronouncing her words :P I'm really glad Janelle agreed to be Caleb's deputy. She needs to be in a leadership role, it's where she belongs and I'm happy to see her taking this on.

    Poor Sam. No one will ever let her sleep :P Hmm, maybe that's why she's been so grumpy lately. I was so sure the Leader was going to catch them when they ran into her in the corridor. I got a very strong Dumbledore-can-see-through-invisibility-cloaks feeling during that scene and I just knew she was going to see them. You really made her feel terrifying and I would hate to meet her... well, anywhere actually.

    Well, I see what you meant by keep feeling bad for 805 :( I feel really horrible for him. He's just being used and while Sam's idea to complain isn't the best plan ever, something has to be done. I've no idea what he could do or how they'll ever find a peaceful balance between the Gifted and nonGifted, but 256 is very right. Something has to change. Hopefully they'll find something they can use in the library, now that 805 has agreed to help them. Now, 256's book :/ That makes me very nervous. Sure, 805 could have knocked it off, but if someone was snooping around the room... Yeah, I'm going to be very worried until the next chapter.

    Commented on: July 21, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Thanks for commenting :) Lol, yeah Abby's fine :P Well, not fine exactly, but she's much better. There's always time for side effects xD Days, weeks, months, even years later and something could happen. I'm keeping my options open :P

    That might be Jake's most awkward moment yet xD Don't worry, he has plenty more. He just can't catch a break, the poor guy :P Everything Abby's been through, and she didn't tell Jake everything, definitely hangs over her all the time. She's really closed herself off and locked away her heart because she's so afraid that if she ever lets herself love someone again she'll lose them too. She's spent years and years building up these walls, but Jake and Scarlett (Scarlett in particular) more or less dropped a nuclear bomb on all her defenses. With them around, she's fragile, vulnerable, and downright terrified.

    Well, Abby completely left Scarlett's part out when she was telling the story. She sort of started the story in the middle. She left off the beginning, a bit in the middle, and the end, so Scarlett could fit in anywhere :P Yeah, if Scarlett was Abby's daughter, she would have been around 15 when Scarlett was born. Abby had a big family though, so Scarlett really could be anyone. Whatever their connection is, she doesn't want Scarlett finding out, which is the main reason she didn't say anything to Jake about it. She'd much rather send Scarlett off to a foster family on Earth, protected by a fleet of a thousand battleships, and be rid of her than risk watching her die like everyone else. If she sticks around, she's a chink in Abby's armor and that's something she can't have.

    Commented on: July 19, 2015

  • State of Decay: The Day the World Died

    Thanks for commenting :D Yeah, I just kind of snuck this one on here one day and haven't done much with it since. It's sort of a little side project that I work on when I'm stuck on Snowfall (like I am now :P) and it gives me something different to do. Honestly, I'm not that familiar with zombie stories either other than stuff like The Walking Dead. It's definitely a genre that's been done to death and I'm sure I'm trying to reinvent the wheel, but I want to try to put my own spin on it with the way the pathogen works. That's probably been done before too, but oh well xD You'll find out how they'll get out of it not too long after I do seeing as I have no idea myself :P I'm not planning ahead at all with this. I have no idea where I'm going or what will happen next. I'm writing the whole thing completely in the moment, like I'm there and this stuff is happening and I'm just writing it down. It's both really fun and really terrifying at the same time :P

    I'm glad you liked the introductions of the characters. I always feel like introducing characters is one of my weakest areas, so yay xD I do kind of wish I'd kept Rich around a while longer, since I could see him and Sawyer coming into constant conflict over Alex while they're trying to survive. He would have been interesting to have in the group, but unfortunately I liked the idea of Rich being a sort of Patient Zero for the pathogen's spread on the mountain so he had to go. I'm glad you thought the ending was scary. I'm a wimp with horror too and it scared me to write it, so at least I can frighten people who don't do well at horror movies :P  

    Lol, the funny thing is my brother has said that to me a couple of times xD It's a long, complicated story :P Alex and Sawyer's relationship is based very much on me and my brother, so that, the nicknames he has for her, and his super protectiveness is all based on us... but then we're really weird so it might be worth rewording that bit, come to think of it since it does seem like an awkward thing to say unless you're around us all the time.

    Commented on: July 15, 2015

  • The Killer

    If ever there was a book I wish was a Netflix series so I could binge watch it, it's this one. At the end of a chapter, I'm constantly left wanting more xD Of course, that means you're doing it right. Anyway, I'm immensely curious how Nate's meeting with Brandon is going to go. I doubt it will go well, but who knows? Brandon obviously won't confess, so I'm not at all sure what's going to happen but it should be interesting.

    I feel awful for Nate :( I mean I've always felt awful for Nate, but in this chapter especially. I can't imagine how terrible it must be to have everyone you know believe you're a murderer. To know you didn't do something, and to have all of your friends, family, even your students think you did would really suck. I may have said so before, but I love the subtle hints of what's really going on in Nate's mind. I mean, I know parts of what's up having read it before you changed things, but I'm trying to read it as though I don't know anything. Anyway, those little almost schizophrenic moments with him hearing voices saying he hated Lauren are a great addition. It gives the whole thing a rather spooky feel since clearly something is up with Nate. That final line is really chilling.

    The part with Max was so sweet and sad. Max is absolutely the cutest little boy ever xD I just love him. I laughed entirely too long at "I'm ugly" xD Them looking at the photos was really sad, but I was happy to see both of them laughing, even if only for a moment. It seemed very realistic that Max would see his parents fighting and wonder if they loved each other. How the minds of babes work :P Anyway, another good chapter and I can't wait to see what happens with Brandon when Nate meets up with him. Please don't do anything stupid, Nate. I don't know much about Brandon, but he worries me. A lot.   

    Commented on: July 14, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    No worries, please take your time. You wouldn't hear from me for a month if I'd spent a week on a farm. This city girl is far too frail and weak to handle that xD Anyway, I hope the work wasn't too tiring and that the cows were much more friendly this time around ;) I'm glad you liked the interrogation scene, as it's a favorite of mine. It pays homage to a similar scene from Firefly, a short-lived TV show that when away much too soon. Haha, Hurst's shenanigans xD I've got to use that at some point :P We'll get to that soon, but no he didn't give them the full story. All he did was decrypt the files for them. He didn't actually tell them anything about who he's working for. Hurst would never have told them anyway, although that's not necessarily out of loyalty. Instead, it's much more out of fear.

    No, you haven't forgotten any detailed description of Jake's backstory. Not much at all has been mentioned about his past yet. I'm sort of taking my time with revealing everyone's histories, showing who these people are now and then over time going back and talking about where they've come from and the things they've done. With Jake though, he's a pretty ordinary guy. Sure he's got secrets, but there are secrets and then there are secrets :P Jake's got secrets like everyone else, but he doesn't really have any secrets. For lack of a better way to put it, he's got nothing that would interest JTG xD Anyway, you'll be getting a good dose of Abby's backstory very soon and maybe a bit of Jake's too. I say maybe because I can't remember exactly what chapter that part is in :P I think it's in 15 but I could be wrong.  

    Lol! Well, I'm glad I was able to give you a laugh, and equally sorry I made you scare your dog xD That line is a massive cop out for me, given that I had no idea how to describe what Bradford's device did on a scientific level. I was going to technobabble my way through it, but I realized I don't know nearly enough about science and medicine to make it believable and I didn't think 'space magic' would work as a proper explanation :P Ah, hope... I love hope. It gives me something to crush. I'm kidding xD Probably... :P Thanks for the comment! :D

    Commented on: July 12, 2015

  • Cursed

    Sorry I didn't get around to commenting on this over the weekend. It was Independence Day and I ended up being way busier than I thought I would be... and I just realized I never said I was going to comment over the weekend, I just meant to do so :P I really shouldn't talk to people when I'm sleepy. Anyway, I really liked Carey and Sam's conversation. My sister wakes me up just like that all the time, so I feel Sam's pain xD I liked seeing Sam and Carey's thoughts on Reagan and Caleb too. I'm not remotely surprised Sam doesn't trust Caleb, although Carey does make an excellent point that if Reagan really was a Gifted spy, you'd think they'd have some sort of security measures around their headquarters to detect people with that Gift. Sure, they're arrogant, but could they really be that arrogant? Carey's comments that Reagan could have been spying for someone else (perhaps a rogue group of Gifted?) is really interesting as well. You're going to have me theory crafting all week with this xD

    I'm going to have to petition for more awkward Sam/Carey hugs :P I was really happy to see Sam apologizing for her general douchebaggy attitude recently. I knew she'd come around eventually, but I'm really glad it happened now. And it came with a cute hug, so I'm content :P I was also glad that Carey finally told someone else about what's going on with her powers. She's needed to do that for a while now, but I'm not sure she's going to feel much better until she tells 256 about 440. He deserves to know and Carey's clearly disturbed about it. Carey's right, after all, one too many secrets she's keeping.

    Marvin :( Now I'm sad. I really miss him. I still can't figure out who the Gift of Water was. Ooooh, maybe it was someone from Reagan's rogue group? Or maybe Reagan himself and he temporarily had two Gifts like Carey? Hmm... I don't know :P It was interesting to get more back story on 805 and Michelle. Poor 805 :( I feel really bad for him. I get the feeling, and I'm not sure why, that he didn't tell her he loved her when she asked him to. He's got a lot of regret in him. If Sam tells him Michelle's dead... :(

    Aww, 256, you're not lame. You just need a bit more self-confidence. You'll be fine, just get in there next time xD 256 does make an interesting point though; how would he know what love is? He's never gotten to experience, well, anything really. That would have to be really confusing for the poor guy to suddenly start getting put into situations and feeling things he doesn't understand. Anyway, overall a really good chapter and I'm really excited to see what happens next. I'm really starting to feel like you're lulling me into a false sense of security :P I've still got that bad feeling, but with each passing chapter nothing terrible happens. Not that I'm upset that nothing bad has happened, I'm just really nervous.  

    Commented on: July 6, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Haha, I do it because I'm actually an evil demoness that feeds on the emotions of her human thralls. There is no escape :P Hmm... pull a Ned Stark on you, huh? Well, that does sound like something I would do xD I'm just not going to say anything at all. Nope, not a single thing :P Jake and Scarlett really are BFF's, no doubt xD They have one of the most fun relationships I've ever written. They're always sort of picking on each other and making fun of each other but they come to love each other in their own way. Hehe, yeah Jake's always getting himself into the most uncomfortable of situations. He needs to work on that. He gets into one pretty soon that's probably my favorite of them all xD As for caring so much for Abby, he sees, perhaps subconsciously, that Abby is someone in need of a great deal of care. On top of that, they've bonded somewhat over Scarlett and let's face it Jake's got a bit of a crush on her, so... there's that :P

    I'm actually really glad you felt sorry for Hurst. I mean, yeah he's done something that seems to be bad but we haven't seen his motivations for what he's doing yet. He was cornered and well aware of the punishment he would face if he were caught. People charged with treason in the Federation are sent to Sunshine, a prison in space closely orbiting the sun. The station has no radiation shielding, so everyone aboard quickly develops all the horrible symptoms of radiation sickness and dies. He had every reason to be really, really frightened since he really had no way out. I think Abby would have been able to talk Hurst down if Sammy the Sniper (that's what I always called him for some reason :P) hadn't knocked over his gun, but I can't say for sure. As for what the paper means, well other than Hurst Abby's the only one on the ship who knows and neither of them are talking so... yeah xD It might take a little time to get to that bit.  

    Heh, you're confused? So am I :P I went back and re-read this chapter because I knew at one point or another Abby had a pretty long conversation about casualties from the boarding and from all the fighting but I thought maybe it had accidentally gotten shifted to a different chapter or something by how I've had to break them up. The medical staff was overwhelmed with all the injuries and were low on just about all their supplies, blood included. Abby even volunteered to donate if she needed to and she planned on contacting the other ships to request some of their supplies. Abby also talked with Sheridan about battle damage the ship took and made plans with Captain Braxton since Endeavour is much more combat capable than the Nightfall is. The Nightfall was forced to withdraw and neither the ship nor Braxton are mentioned again, which will probably seem odd without those scenes in there :P What happened to those bits, I couldn't tell you xD They aren't anywhere to be found. I guess during my many edits, rewrites, and breaking these chapters up into bit sized chunks they got lost. Now I'm going to have to go over the whole thing to make sure nothing else is missing and hope I've still got those missing scenes saved somewhere. I've got at least five different copies of this on a couple of different computers and flash drives, so I'm sure it's still in one of them. I'm really glad you mentioned that, though. I might have never noticed it otherwise. Thanks so much for the comment :D

    Commented on: July 3, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Haha, yes, what's wrong with him? He really should have known that. So unprofessional xD He kind of screwed up by saying that anyway, since technically the ship was coming into contact with the enemy so he should have said "Battle stations," or "Action stations," or "General Quarters" so he just made all sorts of mistakes xD

    The aliens hadn't been seen or described before this, so you didn't miss anything. Jake might have referred to them as apes at one point, but that's it. I'm glad you liked the descriptions of the Na'Vaxii since despite the fact that I've written a good deal of sci-fi, I've never done too much with aliens :P Well, they would have something up their sleeve if they had sleeves xD Muscle size is a sign of experience, power and social status in their culture. The strong rise high and the weak are kept frail and powerless. Not showing one's arms in their culture would be like walking through the mall stark naked in our culture. Yes, I put entirely too much thought into the Na'Vaxii's culture :P Now Hurst on the other hand... he might be causing quite a bit of trouble before too long. Bring tissues. I'm kidding... or am I? xD

    I'd been wanting to expand the backstories of some of the other characters for a while, but never really had the opportunity. So far they, Hope especially, have just been vehicles for delivering dialogue and exposition and that needed to change. I started with Hope, but some of the others will come along at some point. Lol, I would definitely be hiding if I was on that ship. Of course, I wouldn't have gotten on the ship in the first place but that's beside the point xD But yeah, Hope discovering she really did have the courage to do that is a pretty big deal for her. She's always doubted herself in a way and this will help improve her self-confidence over time. Heh, well if sentimentality really is good for the soul then you're in good shape xD

    Commented on: July 2, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for the comment! Hahahaha, that’s hilarious xD I don’t know if we’ll ever see Dennis’s home life, but if it happens he’s absolutely going to have a big white cat as a pet. Heh, yeah you don’t want to get on Ariana’s bad side these days. She’s still soft, sweet little Ari until you tick her off. Then the claws come out :P I mainly wanted to use that scene to demonstrate her growth. She’s gone from being this scared little girl that was afraid to go to the mall by herself to being a woman that will walk into a big corporation like she owns the place and tell them exactly what’s going to happen. It’s fun for me to go back and see how much she’s changed. It’s good you feel sorry for Dennis, since he’s kind of stuff in a bad place. He’s not at all on JTG’s side and is being coerced by her, so he’s trapped between JTG, who is obviously scary, and Ariana and Kayla, who can be pretty intimidating when they want to be. And yeah, it makes you wonder who else JTG is talking with and using to achieve her evil ends :P That, to me, is one of the scariest parts is that JTG really could be anywhere and everywhere if she’s threatened enough people into working for her.

    Hehe, yeah Cooper’s back again for a little while. I really wanted to have him in more of this chapter, but it started getting so long that I had to cut the back end of it off so that part will pop up a little later. As for Coop guiding some of the other characters… well, I’ll put that in the ‘maybe someday soon’ category. But that doesn’t mean he won’t be around more often, because I’m planning on having him show up much more often than he has been so far. I miss having him around, so I’m looking for any and every reason to bring him back.

    Yes, someone in Mistbrook Falls has magical powers. The only clues I can give are these two; they are most certainly still alive and they are not a Guide. Despite my lack of helpful hints, you’ll find out who it is very, very soon :P Making JTG seem supernatural has always been a big goal for me, so I’m glad you’re thinking that way. I’ve said before that I want her to seem all-seeing, all-knowing, and everywhere at the same time. That’s not to say JTG isn’t actually supernatural and I just want it to seem like she is for whatever reason because JTG may well be supernatural. It’d be too big of a spoiler, I think, to say one way or the other. Okay, it’s official. At some point in the future Michael will be referred to as Buffy xD Maybe by Clara, she seems like that sort of character :P Well, let’s just say Snow is definitely going to question his choice of a sword as a home defense weapon. I don’t think the average person knows how to wield a sword other than to just stick ‘em with the pointy end ;)

    Other than making JTG seem supernatural, my other desire was to make practically everything seem like a potential JTG plot, so I'm glad you're suspicious of the fire xD Some things are perfectly innocent accidents that have nothing to do with JTG (I won't say if the fire was one of them :P) but just the fact that it could have been JTG's doing makes me happy.

    I very nearly made a critical error with this chapter. My first thought about the fire was that it would have been at the warehouse and it would have burned to the ground. Kayla would have associated the destruction of the warehouse with Ariana's impending death and seeing it destroyed would have encouraged Ariana to share the same story of how she found it. It would have had a powerful emotional impact, at least on me, but I couldn't go through with it. It would have been a really bad decision, I thought, to get rid of a place that held so much importance for so long. I love the warehouse too much anyway, so it lived to see another day. Besides, Ari would have strangled me in my sleep :P But yeah, that was a story I'd never really told before. Ariana's always had a really close connection to the warehouse, but I never explained exactly how it began. There's nothing wrong with a bit of sentimentality every now and again. I'm pretty sure it's good for the soul xD  

    Commented on: July 1, 2015

  • Cursed

    I feel I should apologize in advance in case this comment makes absolutely no sense. It is currently some ungodly hour and I'm sitting in a rather rowdy club my friends dragged me to, typing this on my phone, so... yeah xD I'm hoping for the best, but expecting the worst :P

    I was happy to see Sam came to her senses and came back. I was sure she was going to get in some sort of trouble while she was out, so I'm glad she didn't. It was still very silly of her and I was glad to see Carey stand up to her about her attitude. Someone certainly needed to, because she's getting a little out of control. I still think she's got ever reason to be ticked off, but finish the mission first, Sam. If you want to bludgeon someone after that, fine :P

    Watching Carey fret over how to explain nicknames and just names in general was really funny xD It would be pretty tough to explain how names work to someone used to numbers. It's actually an interesting idea. If we used numbers, I wouldn't have 6 different Jennifer's in my phone :P

    So, it was booze he's keeping in his cabinet then. Well, that's much less troublesome than the decapitated heads of his victims or something :P I'm still worried about him, though. He's clearly under a lot of stress and turning to the hooch isn't necessarily the best idea. Meanwhile, 805 is definitely a stubborn man. Not that I can blame him, of course. If someone came and asked me help them overthrow my government I'd be pretty hesitant too. That was an interesting tactic Sam employed to try to get him to help. I'm really worried about the consequences of that, but there's no way it'll be good when 805 finds out the truth.  

    It was interesting to get some backstory on Caleb's group. I didn't expect them to have been together for so long, so that was pretty surprising. I'm honestly shocked they've managed to survive that long, considering how powerful the Gifted are. As long as they aren't up to anything nefarious, I guess that's a good thing xD They must be a group of experienced survivors if they've lasted that long. It was nice to see where Caleb's group has been holding up as well. Like Janelle, I was expecting another sanctuary of some sort not a separate island. The description of their island reminded of Dragonstone :P

    One thing that continues to disturb me (in a good way) is how I keep growing to like Caleb's group and distrust them less and less. I blame little Alice for weakening my resolve xD I mean, they've got kids now. Well, at least one. Just having a kid in your group makes you automatically less intimidating in my mind :P Thomas makes a good point, though. Caleb sounds like someone who would have a hard time seeing that just being Gifted don't make someone an evil lecherous hump. That makes me very nervous for 256, Carey, and Thomas. I really have no idea how Caleb's group would react to learning about them, but I can't see them being particularly welcoming. I still think Janelle should take Caleb up on his offer of becoming his deputy. She has good leadership skills and it would be a good place for her to put them to use. And maybe she could help them see that not all Gifted are bad.

    I can't even guess what could have upset Alice so much. I'm guessing it's whatever Marina had to tell her before, but I don't know what it could be. Whatever it is, I hope she'll be okay :( She seems really sweet. Anyway, I'll stop my sleepy rambling here :P I liked pretty much everything about this chapter, and I nervously await the next one because I still can't shake the feeling I had before that something really horrible is coming soon.     

    Commented on: June 27, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Aww, well you've got to keep giving her plenty of love then xD I didn't notice any mistakes, so you did vastly better than I would have faired typing one-handed :P With Johnny, he and Abby were friends back on her home planet before she left for Earth to join the Navy. He certainly could have something to do with Scarlett, but he wasn't on the Freedom's Progress with her. Where Johnny is now would be a pretty big spoiler, but you'll find out really soon.

    Ah, the Na'Vaxii... tricky little weasels, aren't they? That was a pretty unusual tactic for them, since they typically prefer to just obliterate whatever they're fighting. Well, assuming they manage to retake the ship, they'll definitely get back to Hurst and take time to search his computer. Abby can't take any chances with Hurst at this point so the second she can turn her attention back on him, she will. Lol, no the marines weren't much use at all, were they? There's a good reason why he was able to escape so easily, but we'll get to that later :P It's good you're getting bad vibes, because things could be taking a turn for the worse for one person in particular. <---- Evil laughter should be cued here xD

    Commented on: June 23, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Oh, Michael's just a big teddy bear underneath it all. Deep down, he's a really sweet and empathetic guy xD But yeah, still a douchebag no matter what. Regardless of his reasons, doubtlessly there were other options he and Emily could have pursued.

    Thanks for your thoughts! I agree, she should have a very different reaction to what she's hearing. Hmm, this is actually giving me ideas xD That's probably not a good thing. This will end up being even longer than I'm thinking :P Still, she needs to take in what they're saying. I do think she'll still forget all about it once Jackson and Steven show up, but like you said with everything that's happening, it would make sense for her to question it more and I can use her overhearing that in a way I didn't plan. Thanks again for taking the time to push me in the right direction :D

    Commented on: May 24, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for commenting! Your theory doesn’t sound remotely idiotic. It’s a very logical line of thought, especially considering Emily and Michael’s last conversation. I can neither confirm nor deny if you’re right, but it’s a fantastic theory nonetheless. I would have to agree that either way it would be a douchebaggy thing for Michael to do... unless not doing it would have been even worse.

    Well, assuming Michael is who they’re talking about then no, they’re not on his side xD Okay, okay, I’m not even going to do that :P No, Winston and Banks are not on Michael’s side but I’m glad you’re still somewhat questioning who the good guys are. I like that, just a tiny hint of doubt xD That said, you should be getting a clear idea of who is good and who isn’t pretty soon ;) Mary overhearing that conversation was more of a side effect than JTG’s actual intention. Her hearing it doesn't really have any effect on JTG at all. What JTG wanted and why she chose that moment to officially involve Steven must remain a mystery… at least for a little while :P

    With Mary’s reaction to overhearing the conversation, I had a tough time with it honestly. I’ve always thought of Mary as being pretty rational. She somewhat mockingly suggested that Sara’s ghost might be haunting them a few chapters ago, but apart from Snow I think she’s the least likely to actually buy into that idea. Combine that with her friends disappearing for hours and Snow stuck with Michael, it felt like she wouldn’t be remotely concerned about whatever they were talking about when Steven and Jackson showed up. On the other hand, my original thought was to have her seriously think about what they were saying. She wasn’t going to make any real connections at the time, but it was going to sit in the back of her mind and eventually she could put the pieces together especially if she heard the word Dawnguard again. That, of course, could still happen. So, I’m curious as to what you think she should do? Should I leave it as it is or have Mary really pay attention and absorb what they’re saying? Or heck, maybe have her respond in a completely different way altogether. I was torn when I wrote it and I still am now, so I’m open to all suggestions.

    Hehe, the only reason I called it The Miranda Thing was so that it would be a reference to The Jenna Thing :P This chapter was filled with references to everything from Dr. Who to Mean Girls and it was so easy to slip in a Pretty Little Liars reference like that. I mean, even the title is a reference. I got a bit carried away with all the references but I was having fun seeing how many I could slip in there xD I don’t know if I’ll keep referring to what happened as the Miranda thing in the future, but for this chapter it fit with my theme of referencing things xD

    I didn’t make it nearly clear enough, but what Mary and Nikki were talking about a few chapters back and the Miranda thing are two completely separate events that took place over the same holiday weekend. What Mary and Nikki were talking about was much more personal to Mary than the Miranda thing was. I definitely need to go back and make it clear that they’re talking about something else. I don’t plan on keeping Labor Day a secret for much longer. It’s not something I want to sit on for too long. There won’t be any direct effects from the Miranda thing any time soon though. It’ll have much more impact after the point where I’ve decided to split the story in half. Things will change and the Miranda thing will play a pretty important role. Anyway, that’s enough of my ramblings for one day xD Thanks again for the comment!

    Commented on: May 22, 2015

  • Whispers of Nowhere

    Whoa, lots and lots of action in this chapter. All of the fighting scenes were very well written and intense. There was a lot of detail and description, but as usual you balanced it perfectly so it never feels like it goes on too long. Phenex's, I think, was the best especially with the descriptions of his bones being broken and healing. That was really well done.

    Speaking of Phenex, he is unquestionably a badass :P He took one heck of a beating but still managed to pull off a win. I found his general lack of concern for the knives he was stabbed with amusing. He seemed more annoyed that he had to ask Forneus for removing them than he was concerned that had been stabbed xD Of course he then goes on to admit that he doesn't hate Gwen, which was nice. He's softening... well... okay, maybe not softening but... you know what I mean :P

    I'm so curious to find out what powers Gwen and Forneus might have gained after finding the Goblet. For sure, something happened but what? A mystery for another day, I suppose. Hopefully whatever happened it will help them on their hunt for the next artifact. Regardless, discovering that Reeves is working against them is sure to be a big help. At least now they know how they're fighting. Knowing, as they say, is half the battle.

    "Over-glorified fire chicken" Lol XD

    Commented on: May 11, 2015

  • Cursed

    I’m finding myself unable to think about anything else other than what 805 is hiding in his kitchen cabinets right now :P That was a surprising thing that I wasn’t expecting. What could he be hiding that he definitely doesn’t want Carey (and I assume anyone else) finding? Clearly not dead bodies, but he’s hiding something. I fully expected 805 to refuse to help them. I think he can be convinced, at least to help them find the library, but there's no doubt it won't be easy. He's very set in his ways, I think, and he is loyal to the Gifted even if he doesn't always agree with their methods. I can't imagine him actively working against his own people without something major happening to change his mind. It was interesting and really sad to see 805's thoughts on his family. He can say he never cared, but I don't buy that for a second.

    So, the Gifted have sinks and running water then? Very interesting. An invention of their own, or could it be something given to them by the Other World they're working with? 256's reaction to it was really funny xD I imagine a sink would be a nightmare for him. Oh, 805... he needs to take a cooking class if he's going to keep making his own meals. I wonder why he dismissed his Servant?

    Now, let’s talk about Sam. Sam, girl, you know I love you but you’ve got to relax. You’re stuck in the middle of the enemy’s headquarters on a secret mission. You can’t behave this way right now. Once you’ve finished what you came for and you’re safely out of enemy territory, then you can rage as much as you want. Honestly, I can’t even say I think her behavior is unwarranted. She’s ticked off and rightfully so. She’s just choosing a really terrible time to deal with it. Running off like that all by herself is extremely irresponsible. Still, her reaction is completely understandable and definitely believable. As someone who cares about these characters, it’s hard to see her behaving as she is, but it definitely makes her feel more human and relatable. She’s face to face with the man who abandoned her and her mom. It would be tough for anyone to ignore that. I just hope she doesn’t end up putting her friends’ lives at risk because she’s mad. Lol “No matter how mad she is and how many people she has to kill to do it, she wouldn’t leave us alone in here.” Very true, that. Oh Sam, never stop being you xD

    I enjoyed the bit with Carey and 256 there at the end too. I liked the twist from what was shaping up to be an awkward ‘sharing the bed’ scene to both of them sleeping on the floor instead. It was also, as they discussed, a nice callback to a time a long while ago when they weren’t quite so fond of each other xD Those two are still really awkward around each other, but it’s absolutely adorable. Anyway, overall a really good chapter here. I’m anxious but excited to see if they can convince 805 to come with them, or at least help them get into the library.

    Commented on: May 5, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Oh, it's perfectly fine! I haven't gotten back to yours in a while for the same reason. I really need to limit how many things I read at one time because I can never keep up with everything :P Heh, what fun would it have been if the rescue mission hadn't gone bad? You're right, the Na'Vaxii really do have the Federation completely outmatched. Their only real flaw is that they're really egotistical and don't see the humans as a threat. If they did and actually deployed the full power of their navy against the Federation, they'd wipe them out without much trouble. Luckily, they haven't done that yet. Either they're toying with us because they know they can, or because the rest of their fleet is busy somewhere else.

    I'm glad you enjoyed the space battle. I'm glad you didn't read my original version, which really was terrible. This was one of my earliest battle scenes and... well, it's been edited a lot xD I appreciate the compliments on the technobabble. It's a deep love of mine, and I do enjoy convincing people that my completely random nonsense is perfectly logical xD I do take quite a bit of inspiration from other sci-fi sources, primarily the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica.

    Scarlett and Abby's relationship will remain a mystery to everyone but Abby for quite a while. It's... not a topic she likes to talk about. Hehe, I wouldn't count on it :P Endeavour's troubles with the Na'Vaxii are just beginning, and of course, what fun would it be if the crew didn't keep getting into trouble? Thanks for the comment! :)

    Commented on: May 3, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for commenting! Heh, yes, if only Snow knew. (Snow asking that was a vague Friends reference, by the way :P Phoebe asked the same thing of the creepy hitchhiker that Joey picked up.) That, I imagine, wouldn't go over very well with her. Especially now that she's coming to trust him and develop feelings for him. Learning that wouldn't end well... for Michael :P Michael got into Snow's phone because Snow is careless like me xD Neither of us have any sort of password on our phones to keep nosy people from finding out about our secret stalkers. Oh, but I must know your theory about Mary! Especially if it makes Michael less douchebaggy. Let's face it, he needs a lot of help in that area xD

    Lol, that's funny you give the same answer. It's completely true in both cases, after all. I'm glad you found their interactions creepy and nice both. I want people to question everything they think they know about Michael... and then question those questions :P I think Michael does genuinely care about Snow, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't sacrifice her in a blood magic ritual to appease his demon-god xD I'm kidding... mostly :P But seriously, Michael does care about Snow. Whatever his intentions are for her, he does care about her. He's lied to her, obviously, and he's clearly keeping a lot of things from her, but no matter what else he cares about her. As for Snow, you're right that she's still very upset about Jackson and Sara. Those were two painful, emotional blows within a week of each other as she's far from over it. Don't write off magical pheromones as the reason for their closeness just yet, though xD

    Killing them is much more of an endgame scenario, and JTG is far from her endgame. She's got a lot more secrets to attack them with before she gets there. Would she kill one/all of them at the end? Absolutely. In fact, I'd say it'd be pretty tough to resolve all of this without at least a bit of bloodshed. Theirs, JTG's, someone else's... well, that's a question for another day :P Even if Michael isn't a magical knight (and he certainly seems like one since he decided to attack an intruder with a sword xD) he's still not someone you want fighting you. Michael has money, power, and influence. Not as much as Kayla and Ariana, but a lot and he could bring all those resources down on JTG. As for why JTG attacked Snow... let's say she had a very specific reason for everything she did. Anyway, I'm glad the chapter came out scary. That sort of thing is new territory for me, so I hope it worked. Well... I promise that nothing terrible will happen to Snow in the next chapter... because she isn't in it :P We'll be dealing with what some of the others are doing during this storm. Terrible things may, or may not, happen to some of them xD

    Commented on: May 3, 2015

  • Midnight Bite

    So I avoided Out in the Clouds as you suggested, but I am going to have to read that now because I'm immensely curious about it. Anyway, this was really intriguing. I wasn't expecting the ending at all and I'm suddenly reevaluating going out with my friends on the weekends instead of staying home. I need to get out more. The whole time I was fully expecting them to turn out to be vampires, so it was a nice little twist there at the end. I liked following Edwin as he slowly convinces himself that not only are his neighbors vampires, but that he himself is becoming one and to stop it he should murder someone. That's a scary thought. This story was very interesting and a fun read and at the end of the day you make a fantastic point; common sense is a very important thing to have. Without it, it's easy to get yourself into trouble.

    Commented on: April 30, 2015

  • Snowfall

    I never really meant to drag out Snow thinking she might be crazy/dreaming about Sara for as long as I did. With S now in the picture, all of the girls need to know about each other’s encounters with Sara so I had to squeeze that in. I always expect everyone to automatically assume that Sara is a Guide. It makes perfect sense that she would be one, since that’s what happened with Cooper and Claire. If she isn’t one, though, it does give me an easy explanation to hide whatever she really is :P Haha, Clara’s twin theory is actually a small Pretty Little Liars reference that I don’t expect anyone who doesn’t know the story of the books to ever pick up on. Of course, that doesn’t mean Clara isn’t right xD

    Snow is definitely starting to develop feelings on some level for Michael at this point. Clara’s comments made her face that reality a bit sooner than she would have otherwise, but now that’s it’s front and center she’s going to have to deal with it. And since she’s going to be stuck alone with him for a while, she’s going to have to deal with it quickly without much time to prepare herself. Lol, I love the idea of Michael having magical pheromones! Magic, obviously, exists in this world so it’s certainly possible.

    Yeah, Ariana is pretty lucky that Noel didn’t get mad. She probably would have if the offer had come from anyone else, but she’s known Ariana a long time and she knows her intentions are nothing but pure. Telling about her illness helped too, I think. I do want her to be a bit more resilient to the idea at first, so I’ll likely edit that in at some point. It’s interesting about JTG. I’m not completely sure if JTG would ever want to target Ariana and Kayla directly. Those two are a dangerous team when they’re threatened and JTG, who knows everything, would definitely know that so she’s certainly never going to start sending them texts. With their finances, they could bring the wrath of God down on JTG and tear the town apart looking for her, which is the last thing she’d want. Indirectly, such as with Noel and her job, that’s another story altogether *cue maniacal laughter* xD Actually, the biggest reason Ariana hasn’t told Snow already is because I can’t bring myself to write that chapter :P Usually for something that important, I would have already started with at least a rough draft of it, but I can’t do it. I know I have to, and soon, but I know I’m going to be miserable after I write so I’m putting it off for as long as I can. If you hear someone sobbing hysterically from across the Pacific, don’t worry about it. It’s just me and it means I’ve finished that scene :P  

    Lol, yeah that’s pretty inconvenient timing for rain. But I’m sure Snow and Michael will have a fun, pleasant, trouble-free evening. It’s just the two of them (probably xD) locked in a big, creepy house on the outskirts of town. What could possibly go wrong? :P People mistrust Michael so much that I changed the ending of this chapter just to take some heat off of him. He was going to drive out ahead of Snow to make sure the road was clear and safe for her, a perfectly gentlemanly thing to do… or so I thought. When my sister read it, she immediately became suspicious when Michael returned saying the road was flooded. She thought Michael was lying to keep Snow there :P The next several chapters should hopefully answer some questions (and probably introduce a few new ones :P) about Michael, JTG, and a few other things. I’ve got to start revealing some things because I’m starting to get to the point where I have so many secrets floating around that it’s hard to keep track of who knows what. As for what the others will do when they find out she’s stuck with Michael… well, there’s not much they can do. But then, they might have a few pressing problems of their own to deal with instead of worrying about Snow. Anyway, I’ve rambled on way too long. I really shouldn't reply to these unless I have something pressing to do that will shut me up xD Thanks for the comment :)

    Commented on: April 20, 2015

  • Through the Haze of the Night

    Short stories aren't usually my thing. I typically favor stories that give me time to get invested in the characters and come to care about them. That said, this was fantastic. Going in, I wasn't sure what to expect and the ending definitely surprised me. That was a unique way for Janet to get revenge, and I really liked it. This is a short, simple, amazing little story that is well worth a read. It makes you think about how stupid decisions can, quite literally, come back to haunt you. Well done :)

    Commented on: April 11, 2015

  • Cursed

    This chapter succeeded in making me both extremely happy and quite sad at the same time. You're really good at doing that :P The beginning with Janelle dreaming about Reagan was heartbreaking. I felt awful for her the whole time :( Despite all that, though, she does seem to be improving somewhat. She's made a new friend in Wesley, which will definitely be good for her and she's at least acknowledging that she needs to put Reagan's shirt away and move on. She may not have done it yet, but it's a step in the right direction so I was glad to see that.

    I'm glad that Janelle still isn't completely trusting her new companions. She didn't even tell Wesley that Thomas was Gifted, which is a good call. Of course, she is blindly following these people without knowing where she's going :P Still, one out of two isn't bad. Even so, I still can't figure out whether or not I want to trust Caleb and his rebels or not. Wesley's with them, but he doesn't trust them. I'm suspicious of Marina, but she doesn't seem like a bad person. Even Caleb I don't think is a terrible human being, I still just think he's the type of person that will do unspeakable things to accomplish his goals. I feel like he won't be satisfied until he's wiped the Gifted out completely and if Wesley's story turns out to be true, then that makes me believe it even more. That said, I couldn't blame him for feeling that way if all of that happened to him and honestly, I sympathize with him if it's true. That's really terrible and sadly, I believe it. It sounds like something the Gifted would do, so yeah I can see it.

    This business about Janelle becoming Caleb's deputy... hmm, honestly I think she should do it. I'm not sure of Caleb's reasoning, but I think it might be good for her. She clearly regrets her decision to step down, so maybe if she took on a leadership role in Caleb's group it would help her. And hopefully it will put her in a good place to keep an eye on Caleb for potential evilness :P

    Please excuse me while I take a moment to let the fangirl in me celebrate the return of 805. *Ahem* Squeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! xD Now that's out of the way, I thought the entire run up to 805 and 256 reuniting was extremely tense and exciting. Especially when 256 walked up to 805 during training,. I thought maybe 805 had been brainwashed and he was going to start yelling that they had been infiltrated or something. I'm glad to see I was wrong. I'm not sure he'll be willing to just drop everything and come along with them, but if he doesn't go I hope he and Sam get a chance to talk. They really need to after everything that's happened. Anyway, I'm really anxious, nervous, and excited to see what Janelle decides to do, and how 805 responds to seeing Sam and being asked essentially join the rebellion. I'm suddenly getting a really strong feeling something bad is about to happen.

     

    Commented on: April 10, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for commenting :) I wish I could say Randy’s name was just random, but that would be a lie xD I thought it was sort of funny, what with the type of character he is. My sense of humor is bad :P Hmm, I’m curious what this theory you have about them is. There’s not a lot of information about them yet, so I’m really interested how close you are to the truth. I guess I’ll have to wait and see. Ack, I gotten a taste of my own medicine, haven’t I? It is bitter xD Even though I think in their minds they love Nikki very much, her parents aren’t the type to show that they do. They’re trying to mold her into a carbon copy of themselves, and to them that’s showing their love. So you’re probably right that Nikki wouldn’t see much difference if she told them, unless of course they could come around to see their daughter’s side of things. As for Labor Day, well let’s just say a lot of things happened on that holiday :P

    Exactly! Traditional haunting is so old school. Texting and Facebook are the newest and best ways to haunt people… which is why I refuse to go see that Unfriended movie, but I’m getting off topic :P Those are all excellent guesses about S. It could easily be any of them, especially Emily and Sara. Well, I guess a bit less easily for Sara, but still xD I won’t be keeping S’s identity a secret for long. I’ve already got one mystery texter, I really don’t need another one :P Although, it will be a while before we come face to face with S, so who knows? S could always be lying xD

    You’re right that telling Jacob wouldn’t have protected anyone from JTG at this point. Clearly, JTG doesn’t just deal in secrets. She managed to get Noel fired easily enough, and I’d feel confident in saying she would be willing to do a lot more if she needed to. Lol, Clara’s not the most subtle person around, is she? Eh, she’ll never be able to be a spy, that’s for sure. It would be pretty interesting to see JTG’s reaction if Jacob figured it out, though. She loves her game, and if Clara managed to ruin it I don’t think JTG would take that very well. I would imagine a very explosive confrontation at best.

    Hahaha, I knew you were going to warn Snow away from Michael after the ending xD Honestly, I don’t think she’s even considering the possibility of anything romantic at the moment. She’s still dealing with her breakup and she really just sees Michael as someone she likes being around and talking to. She’s conflicted about him because she’s hearing all these people warning her about Michael, but all she’s seen so far is a nice, charming guy that seems to really like her. She’ll find it hard to justify their opinions when she’s getting first hand experience with him.

    Commented on: April 10, 2015

  • The Killer

    I love never knowing at the start of each chapter whether we’re going to be in the past or the present. It’s fun not knowing what to expect and which version of Nate we’ll be getting. I couldn’t help but laugh at Nate’s thoughts on Perth public transportation system xD But really, Nate? You didn’t pick up your girlfriend for your date? Okay, man… strike one :P Anyway, I enjoyed the glimpse of Nate’s parents and hope to see more of them at some point, particularly Nate’s dad. It takes a special kind of person to accept another man’s son as his own the way Dale seems to have. Nate makes a good point that bringing up the topic of his father would be a difficult thing to do, and especially to your girlfriend. Ah, somehow I would have guessed that Nate would be been a complete wreck when meeting Lauren’s parents :P Poor guy. Oh well, at least Lauren made a good first impression. Lol “I think Mum’s already started planning our wedding.” Ellen sounds like my mother xD

    I’ve got to say, Nate and Lauren are entirely too cute together, what with her spinning around under Nate’s arm and stuff. The whole scene in the parking lot was really sweet, especially when Nate said he loved her. The hopeless romantic in me said ‘Awwww’ :P Of course, it serves to make Lauren’s untimely demise all that much more tragic :( You managed to make me happy and all romantic and really sad all at the same time, so good job!

    Oh, Nate… let’s not go down this road. You’re happy and in love, and she loves you. Don’t go questioning stuff or doubting her or yourself. Oh, you’re going to do it anyway? Oh, alright fine :P I was really happy to see Lauren take a direct, no nonsense approach to Nate’s doubts. Although, I can completely understand where he’s coming from, I’m glad Lauren was very upfront about her feelings on the matter. She seems like a girl that isn’t going to beat around the bush about anything. I’d say I hope Nate keeps his promise, but… well, the chapter title… :P Anyway, overall I really liked this chapter. It’s definitely one of my favorites so far, aided by an expertly placed Breaking Bad reference xD I’m really interested to find out what happens next.

    Commented on: April 8, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Thanks for the comment! It wasn’t confusing at all and hopefully the reply will be the same. I’ve been out of town all weekend and I’m just now getting back home so I’m a bit out of it myself. I had to read this whole chapter over again just to remember exactly what happened xD This is another one of those chapters that would make so much more sense if I had been able to upload it in the way I originally wrote it instead of having to break it up. The previous chapter, this one, and the next one, were all one chapter. That’s coming really close to 11,000 words which is obviously way too long for this setting, so here we are. But yeah, I wasn’t trying to hide who Abby thinks the spy is. In the last chapter when Hurst, Hope, and Abby are talking in the cafeteria Hurst says that he ‘knows a thing or two about encryption’ so when Mosley said the same thing, it clicked for Abby that Hurst could be the spy. If that had all been in the same chapter, it would have been pretty clear who Abby is talking about. Whether she’s right or not, well we’ll get to that :P

    ‘Never trust a Na’Vaxii’ should probably be prominently displayed somewhere for everyone to see xD Very little is known about the Na’Vaxii as it is, so trusting them not to kill you even if you betray your own people probably isn’t the best idea. But then it’s important to remember that the Federation and the Na’Vaxii have been at war for 500 years. No one, or at least no human that we know of, remembers precisely how it all started or really why they’re fighting at all. So it’s possible that someone knows more than they’re letting on and the aliens are more trustworthy that you might think. Of course, there’s always the possibility that the spy has been brainwashed, or is a clone, or a Na’Vaxii in disguise, or an evil alien robot just pretended to be human :P God, I love sci-fi xD The ‘they’ Abby mentioned do, in fact, exist although you won’t find out exactly who they are or what they want for a while yet. Who they are should be more of a mystery/surprise instead of who the spy turns out to be.

    Commented on: April 6, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for the comment! Hehe, excellent. Operation: Confuse the Heck out of Everyone is going according to plan :P I’m really going to have to start providing answers to questions at some point instead of just making new questions, aren’t I? Oh, but where’s the fun in that? :P I’ve got to say, I love the idea of Sara’s ghost being JTG. I’ve always wanted JTG to have a sort of supernatural element to her, so I’m glad you’re thinking along those lines. And Sara could stalk them as a ghost if she became a vengeful spirit after her death or something and as you say, it would make an awful lot of things make sense if JTG was a ghost. Lol, it was nice to include a text message that wasn’t insulting anyone. That was a good change. S’s messages will be more helpful than insulting, but they’re stilll anonyomous so S could easily just be JTG messing with them.

    It’s funny you mentioned Snow knowing too much about the Dawnguard because I struggled with that part. I didn’t want Michael to ramble on too much explaining about them, so I let Snow already know about them since she spends so much time reading and it let me speed up the scene somewhat by not having to have Michael go into detail. That, of course, makes it weird that she just happens to know so much about them :P That’s going to be one of those parts that I’m going to revisit a million times before I’m ever satisfied with it :/ Well, assuming Michael’s right and the Dawnguard do, in fact, exist and aren’t fictional like Snow thinks then I think it’s safe to say he and Brad are either working against them or are working for them. Which side they’re on is something I don’t think I’ll keep to myself for much longer, but exactly what they’re doing and why will still be a while. Oh, Michael absolutely can be a charmer and he wanted to draw Snow to him so his plan is working pretty well except for her thinking he’s JTG now :P He’s very good at convincing people to do what he wants them to without resorting to supernatural powers*

    You’ve not yet seen just how far JTG is willing to go. Muahahahahaha… *ahem* :P Lol, I always though their names sounded like either a bank or a law firm, so when I needed a fictional bank… xD Hehe, yes you’re starting to sound like us Americans. It just means our latest plot to indoctrinate the rest of the world is perfectly on schedule. Be sure to start saying things like “Freedom!” and “’Murica” regularly. It eases the process :P Clara isn’t the most calm and collected person there is, so a drastic response to JTG’s attack on Noel would seem like something she would do. She’s really protective of Noel too, so going after her is a great way to make Clara not think rationally, so it’s good you’re worried about her. JTG won’t react well to another attempt to stop her by Clara.

     

    *This statement should not be taken as evidence that Michael does, in fact, have supernatural powers xD

     

    Commented on: March 31, 2015

  • Cursed

    This comment is being sent from my phone since I have no internet at home right now. I'm saying just in case autocorrect decides it wants to screw with me (and it usually does) and change Council into Chihuahua at least you won't think I've lost my mind :P I was so sure Carey, Sam, and 256 were going to be caught. The tension when they're sneaking around and hiding in plain sight was great, but lightened just enough by moments of humor like Carey wondering if she should hug Sam or a gem like "I keep trying to say nice things, but horrible things keep coming out instead."xD Hmm, with the way Sam's been acting, I'm curious if she would have returned the hug or punched Carey in the face :P I'm really worried about 805 now :( I hope he's okay and the Council aren't doing awful things to him. Although, he does seem to have the admiration of his fellow Gifts of Earth, so that's something. Lol, once again I'm reminded of Harry Potter. I kept imagining the Great Hall during that whole scene :P  

    Well, Marina and Caleb sure seem cozy together, don't they? I'm scared and not for the usual reasons. She's the first new person in a while that haven't just instantaneously gotten a bad/suspicious feeling about. That, oddly, makes me even more suspicious of her :P I clearly have trust issues. Hmm, so the Other Worlds and Caleb's rebels have an agreement? That, too, makes me uncomfortable. They're sending weapons in exchange for what? Which Other World country is their agreement with? Ooooooh, maybe Caleb's group is allied with Tarantis and they want help with their invasion of Zeia or something?

    Wesley's back! :D I thought it was him based on his description, but I wasn't sure. Darn, Carey's still got the worst timing of anyone ever. She was so close to a reunion. It's nice to see him again. I'm glad he doesn't trust Caleb's group either. Lol "They're too rebellious" xD I liked Wesley's conversation with Janelle. It was awkward between them, but it was nice to see Janelle getting to know someone new. I wonder if she'll have any more luck figuring out that relationship than 256 had with Sam/805 :P Anyway, a good chapter that left me anxious and excited for more. I can't wait for Carey, Sam, and 256 to meet up with 805 and see how that goes.

    Commented on: March 26, 2015

  • Snowfall

    I don’t really expect anyone to be able to figure out Michael and Brad just yet :P I’ve dropped hints and clues here and there, but I don’t think there’s enough out there yet for anyone to be able to put the pieces together in the right order. Although, maybe there is. You’ve collected some of the right pieces, I can say that much without spoiling anything. All of those things are connected, but it would require a very particular point of view for it all to make sense. Cryptic enough? xD Hmm, I’m not even sure myself when what Michael and Brad are up to will come out. If I hadn’t made a massive change to the plot, it would have already have been revealed by now :P It really is all my fault, but you will get something in the next chapter.

    Steven’s secrets, and yes he does have some, will come to light before too long. Well, at least one of them will. This is the first time they’ve ever told someone about JTG who was not already being targeted by her, so how JTG will respond to that is anyone’s guess. I wouldn’t say it was part of her plan to bring anyone else into the game, but if she feels she has to she definitely would.

    Yeah, you’re completely right that they’re just moving from suspect to suspect. They have no idea what they’re doing or how to track this person down. They’re flailing in the dark with no real plan and no clues pointing them to JTG. That’s why Snow was so quick to jump on Steven. It was the only thing she had at the time. But really, they’re going to be hard pressed to find JTG with their current methods. JTG is seemingly omnipresent and omnipotent and they don’t yet have any real way to combat that until they figure out how JTG can be everywhere at once.

    Watching Snow go off to meet Michael was exceptionally tough for Mary. She’s seen him at his worst and knows what he’s capable of and she doesn’t want Snow anywhere near him. She, of course, is sitting on information that would put him in jail at the very least and clearly keep Snow away from him. Will she use it? It would all depend on whether her fear and embarrassment can be overcome by her love and concern for her friend. As it is, Snow has no idea what she’s walking into. She doesn’t trust Michael, but she’s seen a softer, gentler side to him and that’s an easy way to get her to let her guard down. She’s far too much Ariana’s daughter in that regard :P I think it’s safe to assume JTG knows about Michael and Mary. She seems to know everything else, after all xD In fact, if anything is being kept secret in Mistbrook Falls, JTG probably knows about it O.o

    Commented on: March 24, 2015

  • The Killer

    Oh my God, that actually happened?! Well, that's a great example of drawing on your life experiences for inspiration :P Geez, that must have been one heck of day.

    Commented on: March 15, 2015

  • The Killer

    So I went back and reread from the beginning and I must say that I really do like it without the supernatural bits. Even knowing what's really going on, there's a good sense of mystery and suspense in there that flows really well from chapter to chapter. I'll miss the supernatural stuff for sure, but it's a nice change in my opinion.

    I really enjoyed the blend of humor (Nate's thoughts on the poor guy with his wallet and the two receptionists. My parent's apartment building had a receptionist just like that :P) and everything else that Nate's dealing with in this chapter. Oh, Nate, that wasn't the best idea going to the police with absolutely no evidence other than your own suspicions. Especially not when you already look very guilty. Still, I guess he had to if he thinks he could have done it. I'm so curious about whatever it is about Brandon that makes Nate think he would murder Lauren, and why would that make Nate look even more guilty? Ah, the questions keep building xD 

    Nate's memories about his parents were really sad :( Whether it actually happened or is pieced together from multiple times as Nate thinks, it's terrible. It's interesting that Nate feels that he couldn't protect his mother. He was only a little boy, but I did find it realistic that he would feel that way. Kids tend to think that way, I've found, so good job on that. I wonder what ever happened to his parents? Oh, I don't like this new idea of Nate's to confront Brandon. There's no way that can go well. Oh, Max :((( That little boy can make me more sad than anything else. I hope he'll be okay, but he's so young and a loss like that at that age... I'm really worried for him.

    Commented on: March 15, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for the comment :) Yeah, Snow... poor kid, she never really got the chance to grieve what with JTG going on the attack almost immediately. With Sara’s laptop, I almost went ahead and let Snow get into it just because it seems pretty obvious that there would be something on it, but hey I can always use more mysteries xD I was considering not revealing anything about the desk yet either, but again it was so obvious that there was something going on with the desk, so yeah :P

    I’m glad Rick is suspicious. I want most everyone to be a little suspicious, so that’s good. Really, the idea behind the radio bit was to almost give JTG a sort of supernatural element to her. That’s not to say that JTG is a supernatural being in any way. I suppose I should say super human instead. JTG knows things she shouldn’t, things she couldn’t. I want to make it seem as though there’s nothing JTG can’t do and that they aren’t safe from her anywhere. Of course, since Rick was in close proximity, it does make him a fine suspect. I actually didn’t mention the window, but I suppose I really ought to since otherwise it does make Rick look awfully guilty xD

    That song puts a different perspective on JTG and her motives, doesn’t it? It’s weird, I really like that song but hearing it in this context, it’s the creepiest thing. But yeah, we don’t know anything about why JTG is doing any of this or what she stands to gain from terrorizing them. Your theory is a good one, a really good one actually but obviously I can’t say anything about it. This story bugs me that way. I can never talk about anything because anything I say is a spoiler :P But I guess I could say this much; JTG’s reasons for terrorizing Snow might not be the same reasons she’s terrorizing Clara, and she might also have different reasons for attacking Jackson and so forth. Or it could be all the exact same reasons. See, I'm never allowed to actually give anyone anything :P 

    That money is a big mystery, I can say that. It’ll be a good while before we find out where she got it, and probably even longer before we get to what she planned to use it for. Ah, Breaking Bad. How I miss you, old friend xD Lol, wow I messed up really bad with Rick’s last name :P That’s hilarious. I even came up with this whole reason why Sara’s mom kept Blake as her last name instead of taking on Rick’s back when she first appeared. Thanks for pointing that out. I have no idea how long I would have kept going with that before I realized I done goofed :P  

    Commented on: March 13, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Oh, but a candle is a fantastic Na’Vaxii deterrent. They’re absolutely terrified of them, you see, especially scented ones. They are the stuff of nightmares xD Actually, the whole candle thing is another relic of a very distant past that I couldn’t bear to part with. At one point Scarlett was going to be around six or seven years old and much more likely to believe Abby’s candle story. She aged several times to make some of the things she does seem more plausible, but once she was 14 it made the candle thing like something she wouldn’t believe by that age :P I just really liked the scene and couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it, so it stays. I’m glad you liked it xD There are a lot of other words Abby could have used instead of mother, that’s true. Her reason for saying that, though, might not be as straight forward as you think. Or it could be exactly what you’re thinking xD

    Lol, yes Braxton is a lovely fellow, isn’t he?  While he does have a plan, he’s extremely cocky and overconfident. Not to say he doesn’t know what he’s doing, he’s just really likely to let his ego get in his way. Mosley couldn’t care less and realizes that they are outmatched, outnumbered, and outgunned. Like Abby says, if she wasn’t in charge she’d be right there with Mosley. Still, Mosley’s actions are still likely to get her into some trouble. She’s on Abby’s radar now and not exactly in a good way :P Heheh, well MS Word claims that ‘mutinying’ is, in fact, a word. So we’ll go with that. I didn’t have any idea xD

    Well, the reason they left without finishing the ship was because they didn’t plan on the ship getting into a fight. That really was stupid of them since they’re, you know, at war and all. Command, seeing something new and shiny that they could use, wanted to test Arcturus right then and it would have taken months to complete the refit, so they launched her early. Endeavour wasn’t supposed to run into any alien ships (that’s why they went to such an empty area of space) and Abby violated her orders when she responded to the Freedom’s Progress’ distress call which got them into their current situation. Assuming they ever do get back to Earth, I imagine Abby would have some really strong words for those responsible for sending them out unprepared. Abby may seem nice, but she’s got a fiery temper when you make her mad :P

     

    Commented on: March 11, 2015

  • Cursed

    This a pretty tense and exciting chapter, especially when they were sneaking through the Council. I'm sorry, but I kept picturing Harry, Ron, and Hermione sneaking through Hogwarts under the Invisibility Cloak during those bits :P Not that that's a bad thing in any way. Anyway, it was good to see Carey thinking about her family again, even though it always makes me sad. She's always so sure they've forgotten about her or wouldn't accept her or love her because of what she is. For some reason after reading this chapter I started seriously thinking about the possibility that they wouldn't. We know next to nothing about Carey's family apart from Carey's thoughts about them, and we've seen the nonGifted's general hatred of the Gifted (even those that have turned against their own) so it makes me wonder how they would react upon Carey's return.

    The infiltration of the Council was really well done. There was plenty of tension as they snuck through the gates and wound their way to the records room. I'm glad to see 256 seems to be handling being back there okay. I'm still really worried about him though. Well, I'm worried about all of them since they're sneaking about in the halls of the enemy's base, but you know what I mean :P That was a brilliant and rather blunt way of fooling the Gift of Air xD Ah well, desperate times call for desperate measures and it got them into the records room. Speaking of the records room, lots of interesting information in there. Hmm... how did 256 know there were clothes there? So, the Gifted recycle numbers then? Well, that actually does make sense. There's less of a chance to ever have a 8,527,931 that way :P The other numbers there... dates of birth and death perhaps? Maybe the date their Gift was discovered and then their death? I'm just guessing, but that line of thought seems logical since 805's file only had one number instead of two. Clearly, 256 seems to know what it means. I wonder why he pretended not to?

    So, 805's been made a member of the Council. That is... unexpected :P I was imagining this quest turning into some sort of prison break where they would have to bust 805 out of jail. That's a surprising development for sure. What are the Gifted up to? Anyway, a good solid chapter that kept me entertained on my train ride home from work. You may have had problems writing it, but they don't show up in the finished product as far as I can see. I'm really anxious to see how they'll track down 805 and get out of there.

    Commented on: March 6, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for the comment! Hehehe, well that's what I was aiming for :P Every time I bring Kayla and Ariana back I swear I'm not going to talk about what's happening with Ari, but I always end up doing it. I feel really bad whenever I write about them, but I plan on bringing them in much more often despite how miserable I feel when I do. Well, if they ever do find out about JTG I would guess that Kayla would go on the warpath and try to hunt JTG down. Ariana, I'm not completely sure what she'd do. She would be disappointed that Snow didn't trust them enough to tell them what was going on, but I think she would leave JTG to the police. She's always non-violent :P

    Of course Steven has secrets xD There's not a character in town without at least one after all. Whether or not Snow will be able to get him to confess any of them, well that's another story altogether :P Lol, never be nervous to point the finger at anyone. I love reading people's theories, right or wrong. Some incorrect ones I've read are so good I almost wish I could use them. As for Emilia, eh... what can I say? She's definitely mysterious and she does have a reason to hate Sara. Haha, I'm with you on lateness xD But that doesn't mean she was up to anything bad... or does it? Muahahahaha *coughs* :P Lol, you shouldn't trust anyone. Seriously, no one. In fact, that should be the motto on the welcome sign outside of town. "Welcome to Mistbrook Falls. Population: 4823. 'Trust No One'" xD    

    Ah, so Michael's been caught in a lie. Good eye, I wasn't sure anyone would notice that. Hehe, 'that cunning weasel' xD I love it. Michael is awfully cunning. It would be interesting if Snow ever saw Brad drinking beer :P Lol, I saw Game of Scones on a sign once and knew I had to use it at some point. Since almost all the stores and streets in Mistbrook Falls are references to something, it was the perfect time. It was going to be Game of Thorns instead and be a flower shop, but I liked Scones better. I would totally watch that show xD That's awesome. Not sure how we'd work in the tragic and violent deaths, but it would make an excellent cooking competition. Honestly, the cookie thing was a plot point simply to make the Game of Scones joke :P But some places do have things like free peanuts and there's this Mexican place that has free chips and dip so I'm sure somewhere there's a place that has free cookies. I want to find it now :P    

    Commented on: March 5, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Well, I wouldn't say ages necessarily xD You'll find out about Abby and Scarlett's relationship before too terribly long. I don't want to draw it out forever, but Abby's not the most forthcoming person when it comes to her past, so it's not something she's just going to bring up without a good reason. It would be possible for Scarlett to have been adopted, I can say that. Those ships are self-contained societies so people just tend not to leave, but new people come in all the time.

    Scarlett's still in shock and survival mode, so you're right in that what happened hasn't hit her yet. She's a tough kid, but that's still going to be extremely hard for her to deal with.

    Heh, well it wasn't something I planned but I'm actually glad you feel sorry for the Na'Vaxii. They have done really terrible things, unforgivable things, but the ones who died were just soldiers. They were people just like those on Endeavour that are fighting for their home and way of life. They're the bad guys, but I don't want people to just automatically hate them so I'm glad you feel a little sorry for them. Abby, however, does hate them :P She hates them a lot, as a matter of fact. She definitely has a good reason why.

    Ack! Yes, that's a relic of the past that should have been purged with extreme prejudice xD Yeah, Jake used to be a straight-laced, by-the-book military guy and Abby often made fun of him for it. That scene was one of those moments, so I need to edit that. Thanks for pointing that out :) I'm sure their are more in there somewhere. Jake didn't change from his old personality until pretty late, so I'm constantly finding moments where he's still acting like he used to. That's one reason why I haven't added a new chapter for this in forever :P I have to rewrite practically the whole thing and I haven't been able to gather the energy to do it xD   

    Commented on: March 1, 2015

  • The Killer

    You know, that's actually a really interesting question. Being a lover of the supernatural, I really like having the creature's POV in there. It adds a lot of creepiness to the story that I enjoy as well. On the other hand, it would definitely be much more mysterious if we didn't know who killed Lauren especially after this chapter. Frances asking where Nate was loses it's impact since we already know where Nate was. So... that's a tough one :P I really like things as they are, but I can see the benefit of taking it out too. Ack, I'm torn on this. I guess if I just had to make a choice I would take it out just because I think the mystery and intrigue elements would be amazing if we didn't know, and the creature's POV could always come in a little later on. It all depends on what you're looking to do because to me it works well either way xD I'm useless at making decisions, if you couldn't tell :P What are you thinking about it? Obviously you're questioning it, but I mean which direction are you leaning towards?

    Anyway, to the actual chapter. I love Max there at the beginning. He's such a little boy :P He's cute. Nate thinking all of those terrible things about Lauren was really creepy. That's one place I think knowing about the creature really raises the creepiness factor. Knowing what's really happening there was absolutely spine-chilling. 

    Well, Olivia's a delight, isn't she? :P I'm really curious about her. She seems suspicious xD She's always perfectly put together and she's just too nice, even if she was being passive-aggressive. Hmm... maybe she has a creature of her own? Eh, I'm reaching now xD But Frances, I must say I never saw that coming. So I'm guessing the creature made Nate think he was with Frances that night so he wouldn't remember killing Lauren? Why did she cover for him if she knew he wasn't with her? If the police find out, she'll be in a lot of trouble. Oooh, maybe she has a creature and the creatures are working together! Okay, I'm sorry, I'll stop xD 

    I was wondering when we'd come back to Brandon. Who is this guy? What did he do to rattle Nate so badly? Whatever he did, it's enough to make Nate seem pretty confident in accusing him. I'm really excited to hopefully learn more about him soon. Anyway, overall another good chapter that's given me lots to think about. I still don't know for sure what I'd do about the creature's POV :/ Honestly, I'd probably be asking the same question in your place xD  

     

    Commented on: February 27, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for the comment :D I think it’s perfectly fair to question Emilia’s behavior. It’s good and I’m glad you are because like I’ve said before I don’t want anyone to not be at least a little bit suspicious from time to time. Most of the characters, even the ones we think we can trust finally, have a secret or two that they (and JTG) aren’t talking about yet. So with Emilia I can’t blame anyone for being suspicious of her. You’ll get a better idea of what happened between Emilia and Jackson in the next chapter… assuming she’s telling the truth :P

    Poor Michael. No one trusts him. He’s just a sad, misunderstood guy that needs love :P Yeah, you’re not buying that, are you? xD Michael is definitely creepy, but there’s not much known about him yet. He’s not just an evil rapist douchebag, there’s some humanity in him too; which was of course the point of the story about his sister. Snow probably should heed Sara’s warning, but… where would the fun be in that? :P

    Lol, you should be worried about Kayla and Ariana. You should be worried about everyone really :P JTG’s always up to something, right? And while whatever JTG is up to might not necessarily involve their car (I mainly used that as a quick and easy way to mention that they still had it in the event that I ever had the need to use it) it’s definitely a hint that JTG might be lurking about the other’s houses as well, not just Clara’s. You were right about Snow suspecting Steven. He’s a really good suspect too because he hasn’t been featured much and he’s close to all of JTG’s targets so far, so he’s in a good position steal their secrets. You would think JTG would be more sneaky than that, but as they say the best place to hide something is often in plain sight, so yeah… :P Lol, that would absolutely be something JTG would do xD She knows Snow is the most likely of the bunch to figure out who she is, so sending her down a false trail would be a good idea.

    You say that’s a crack theory, but at one point you would have been on to something. I can’t say much because parts of it are still in there but a number of characters that are linked together because of *something* were all going to have the exact same eye color. The reason why would a spoiler, but yeah I was going to see how many people figured it out before hand based on the descriptions of the characters xD Now though, there’s not real reason why so many characters have green eyes other than I love green eyes xD So green ends up being popular even though it’s not all that common. Honestly, I only know a single black person with green eyes myself. She was the inspiration for Emilia appearance-wise, not her behavior :P  

    You make an excellent point about Snow finding that she doesn’t want to date odd. I’ll take a look at that. She should probably just state it as fact, not that she thinks its odd that she doesn’t want to or something to that effect. Thanks for bringing that up :) Lol, no you’re remembering perfectly. Mr. Winston did teach history. Well, he did because of my own mistakes :P He was always supposed to be an English teacher, but for some reason I made him teach history when he first appeared. I only noticed it a couple of days ago when I went back to double check something and saw I’d written him as an English teacher. Ah well, the benefits of the Edit button xD Eh, some schools do, some don’t. Being a school in a small town, I figured Mistbrook High wouldn’t have a strict uniform or anything. They have certain restrictions unlike the school in Pretty Little Liars where the girls go to school dressed like they’re going out to the club on a Friday night :P But then that’s really neither here nor there xD

    Commented on: February 26, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Abby’s unique method of interacting with her crew is one of my favorite things about her so I’m glad you like that. She believes that her subordinates will follow her just as bravely if they love her instead of fear her. She tries to make them feel like family instead of minions that have to do her bidding.

    Lol, yep Jake is definitely cheeky :P He’s always good for a zippy one-liner. Heh, surprise surprise, Endeavour picked up the distress signal. Yeah, that one’s previous obvious, isn’t it xD I wish there was a way for it to be less so, but meh, it is what it is. As for Abby and Scarlett’s relationship to each other, well it’s pretty clear that there is one. What it is, eh… I’m not saying :P But there definitely is one.

    Commented on: February 21, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Thanks for commenting! I’m glad the military chatter at the beginning is okay. That’s an area I have next to no experience with other than hearing a term here or there from family members so the whole time I’m writing stuff like that I’m thinking ‘I have no idea what I’m doing’ :P Thankfully, Battlestar Galactica gave me ideas on how a proper space navy should sound xD

    Scarlett was a lot of fun to bring in. She wasn’t there originally, but the story was so serious all the time and bringing in a child seemed to add a bit of innocence to an otherwise all military cast. Lol, yeah that did escalate pretty fast, didn’t it xD Scarlett and Cassie were going to have a long conversation, but I ended up saying meh, let’s just get on with this and kill everybody :P Anyway, I’m glad you Scarlett’s escape. Action scenes are not something I do particularly well, so I’m always happy when someone likes them.

    Commented on: February 21, 2015

  • Whispers of Nowhere

    I hadn't expected to switch to the prospective of the bad guys, so that was a nice surprise. Is it bad that I like them? :P I wouldn't want to hang out with them on a Friday night, but still they're very interesting. I loved Cife, Misa, and Kizah's descriptions as well. They're all so unique and fit what I'd imagine a group of renegade fire demons might look like. Reeves seems to have some issues with Phenex, doesn't he? :P I wonder what that's about? Perhaps we'll get some clues while they're attempting to main and/or kill our heroes xD

    Her Ladyship is quite interesting as well. I'm curious who she's working for, and apparently against, and how they managed to frame Hercules. Her powers are pretty frightening too. Her ability to control Reeves is impressive and scary. I wonder how much of what he does and feels is because of his own feelings or her influence. I'm also interested in what she wants with Gwen. Anyways, a really good and surprising chapter that I didn't see coming. I'm glad to get a view of the other side. It seems like we're heading for a pretty big confrontation soon. I hope Phenex and Forneus are on their toes when they get to Rome.

    Commented on: February 19, 2015

  • Cursed

    Everything Janelle is dealing with makes me so sad :( I hate seeing her so broken, so beaten down. It was good to see her grieving though. I thought the scene in Reagan’s room with her finding his shirt and that note (What was he going to fix? I still want to know xD Oh, the curiosity :P) was very well done.  Janelle’s emotional state throughout the chapter felt believable and very realistic for someone that’s been through as much as she has. She’s doubting her leadership abilities, but she’s also second-guessing her decision to no longer be the leader. Poor girl :( She’s so lost and confused. I feel really bad for her. I liked that she didn't want to leave Reagan behind as well. That part was very touching and sad.

    I love Thomas xD He’s clearly the voice of reason these days. He told Janelle some things she definitely needed to hear and hopefully made her think about what she’s done, even if he did earn himself a nice slap across the face for his trouble. He also raises some excellent points about Caleb. He could very well be lying about the size of his rebellion or anything else. He’s an unknown quantity and as Janelle thought, she only trusts him because he killed John. Personally, I think he’s telling the truth about his rebellion. I don’t think he’s a bad guy really. I just get this feeling from him that he’s the type of person that would go too far trying to overthrow the Gifted. It feels like he would sacrifice his own soul, if you will, to do it. I don't know and now I'm rambling :P I'll stop.

    I hadn't even thought about the fact that Janelle could very well be pregnant. With everything else happening, I hadn't considered it. Still, it's good she isn't. That's not exactly something she needs to have to deal with right now. Anyway, overall a really good and emotional chapter that I probably shouldn't have read with my dad in the room. I got a bit teary-eyed in the middle and he kept asking me what was wrong and refused to believe it was because of a story :P I liked the ending because Janelle does at least seem to be slightly more... I don't want to say hopeful, but she at the very least managed a smile.   

    Commented on: February 19, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Thanks for the comment :) I’m glad you enjoyed the space battle. Heh, I watch/read tons of sci-fi and have for ages so I draw on that to help write the battle scenes. If I’m desperate I’ll put on an episode of Battlestar Galactica/Stargate/Babylon 5/Star Trek/etc to give me inspiration. I’m glad no one ever read the ones back when I first started writing this :P Those were awful and boring. I still think some of the battle scenes need tweaking, but then I’m picky so… xD I’m trying to find a good balance between the crew interacting with each other and talking about what’s happening verses going outside and actually showing it.

    Hmm, that’s an interesting question. Endeavour has a crew of 6000 so the Achilles probably had around 2000 since she was much smaller. The Michelangelo (which did survive by the way) would be around 1000 because she’s even smaller. I liked the idea of having so many people on these ships even though it’s the future and everything should be automated because to me it gives the feeling that these are big, massive ships, some of them multiple kilometers long and a lot of their equipment needs humans to operate it. And there’s my Random Info of the Day xD

    The Freedom’s Progress really was in the wrong place at the wrong time. The Na’Vaxii needed a plan to lure Endeavour into a trap and that ship just so happened to be a prime target. I’m glad you’re suspicious of stuff like that too. There weren’t any weapons or anything like that hidden on the Progress, but that’s something the Federation would do. They’re all about the survival of the human race as a whole now, so they would definitely use a few civilians to hide their secret doomsday weapons.

    The aliens really are ruthless though and I’m glad that came through in this chapter (although you haven’t seen anything yet :P) That flows pretty well into the last bit too. The Na’Vaxii are based loosely on the Klingons from Star Trek. Like the Klingons, the Na’Vaxii are ruthless, aggressive, territorial, and combative by nature. They never run from a fight. They either win or die (sounds like their playing a very particular game, doesn’t it xD) To demonstrate that, I liked the idea that all of their guns would be on the bows of their ships to show that they’re all about attacking and to discourage cowardly captains from turning and running. No one else they've ever fought has given their ships any trouble like the humans have, but because they’re so arrogant, egotistical, and confident in their superiority, they refuse to change their ships and instead stick to their old design philosophy. But although their ships have that disadvantage, they’re still significantly more powerful than human ships so it ends up not being that big of a disadvantage anyway because the aliens are still winning the war :P And once again, all that was much longer than I’d intended it to be. I need to work on that xD

    Commented on: February 17, 2015

  • Cursed

    Sam is not a happy lady these days, is she? She's justified, I feel, considering all she's dealing with and what she's been asked to do, but she ought not be taking it out on her friends. She being awfully... well, awful to them. Nothing that's going on with her is their fault and her attitude won't be helpful to the mission, but still I understand where she's coming from. So, they left Hahana and Maui behind then? It's a good idea, but suddenly I'm concerned those two might decide to follow along behind them anyway :P

    The Gifted destroying the village just to make an example of them just goes to show the lengths they'll go to, doesn't it? I always try to view the Gifted as morally ambiguous because while the things they do are really terrible, they believe they're doing the right thing. Good and evil, as they say, depends on your point of view. But then they go burning entire villages to the ground and make me mad :P I guess that's what makes them such a good antagonist. 256 also got a good lesson about how the Gifted treat their own when he found the little girl. That was a really sad and well written scene. I felt really bad for her, despite her helping destroy the village. She was just a kid after all. 256 burning her body was touching as well. It's interesting that they sent someone so young out if they usually don't. That's very curious...

    The nonGifted boy was really heartbreaking. He was really brave and I felt awful about him and his family. I hope his reaction isn't common when it comes to Gifted that have turned against their own. Obviously he's just a boy that lost his entire family and saw the horrors of war, but I'm still hopeful that maybe there could be some form of peace between the Gifted and nonGifted. But with the way the Gifted have treated the nonGifted, it feels less and less likely. 256's fight with the Gifted woman was brief, but exciting. I couldn't help but laugh when Sam complained about missing when she threw her knife. Although, she didn't actually miss so she's getting there xD She just needs to work on getting the blade pointing in the right direction :P

    There's something I think of all the time when I'm reading this but never think to mention it when I'm commenting (or at least I don't remember it if I ever said something before :P) This time 256's thoughts reminded me about it. I really like that almost all of the characters are acting because of, or at least thinking about their families. Janelle started a revolution because of her daughter. 256 is worried his parents never loved him or would reject him. Carey's been separated from her family for ages now. Sam's dealing with her father and of course Thomas. Everyone has these deep familial connections and I really enjoy that. I know that's random, but... yeah xD

    Anyway, I've rambled on entirely too long and really ought to hush now :P I'm really interested to see what comes next. It looks like 256 is finally going home. That's really scary O.o

    Commented on: February 13, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Haha, well that's pretty fitting then since I was thinking of Friends when I was writing that bit :P There was a joke about it in there but I cut it at the very last second. Jackson was going to say something to the effect of wanting to make sure they both understood what being on a break was because he didn't want to hook up with another girl and end up spending the next ten years arguing about whether or not they were, in fact, on a break xD Anyway, they won't be like Ross and Rachel at all. That annoyed me too so there's definitely not going to be any of that going on. I'm still not sure yet where they'll end up exactly. They're pretty much broken up at this point, but I could see them eventually getting back together. Emilia will be making her first appearance very soon. At first she was going to be in this chapter, but I liked ending it where I did so she got left out xD Soon though, I promise :P

    There's a reason why Clara said she and Sara weren't close. They were close once, but at the time of her death they really weren't. So, she still loved Sara because at one point their friendship had been really strong but then certain things took place that I can't talk about and changed their relationship. Still, you make a really good point. Clara should have said that she wasn't as close to Sara as Snow was, which would make more sense in the context of the scene since that other stuff was only vaguely alluded to ages ago and Noel doesn't know about it either, so yeah :P I need to look at rewording that part :)

    Hehe, no JTG would never give up like that. Clara's plan was doomed from the start. She never thought JTG would go after her mom like that, which was kind of a low blow but that's who JTG is. Like you said, she fights dirty. I wouldn't underestimate her either :P If JTG starts something, she's got a plan. Noel may not lose her job, but she should be very worried *cue evil laughter* xD Heh, I've been wanting to add some variety to the methods JTG uses to send her messages, hence the creepy note. It's kind of fun coming up with different ways for JTG to send messages without texting. As for how JTG got in, well she's clearly good at breaking and entering without leaving behind any evidence. Unless, Noel is JTG O.o Anyway, thanks so much for commenting :D

    Commented on: February 13, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you like Endeavour's interior. She's old, but she's still got some fight left in her. Don't get too used to the rundown look though. Once she's done she'll look less like the Millennium Falcon and more like the U.S.S. Enterprise from these two latest movies xD  

    Lol, yeah I know all about the chatter between military branches. My brother is in the Navy and I've got an uncle in the Army and two cousins in the Air Force. Holidays are very interesting, as is the annual Army-Navy football game :P Anyway, I'm glad you liked that bit.

    Hmm, I really can't imagine where you might have gotten the idea that Jake and Abby would meet again. Seems like a really odd thing to suspect, if you ask me :P Yeah, Abby doesn't have time for all of the pomp and circumstance of rank. She's more focused on getting the job done and that's it. She doesn't care if people go around treating her like a queen, she just wants them to do their jobs. At the moment, I'd say she's enjoying seeing him squirm more than she's interested in him. She likes him, sure, but she's mostly just enjoying herself messing with him xD

    I'm glad you're enjoying the characters as well. There are quite a few of them so it's good to hear you think they're a diverse bunch. Kahoku would be of Japanese descent, yes. Dimitrov is obviously Russian. There are a few Middle Eastern characters working in Weapons and Engineering. There's a marine that's Hispanic and an engineer that's French. I figured it's the future so I need to be as diverse as possible with the crew :P Although, quite a few countries no longer exist due to humans being generally disagreeable people and since we've got access to nuclear weapons, well... you guess what happened.

    That bit with Abby and Ackerson, you're right that they both have really good points. One shell from one of the eighteen guns that make up Endeavour's main battery has enough kinetic energy to level a small city. If you're fighting over a planet, you wouldn't want to accidently miss. These are weapons of mass destruction and Ackerson doesn't want them mishandled, but if your tech breaks and you don't know how to shoot without it you're kind of in trouble :P

    I'm happy to hear that the FTL bit is imaginative. I wish I knew what I was talking about, but I didn't have a clue :P I just picked words that sounded good and went with it. It is one area where I looked to Star Trek for inspiration since the warp drive is pretty well explained and then did my own spin on it. I highly doubt it's anything close to real science, but it sounded pretty good to me xD Still, I think there's a bit too much exposition in this chapter. I throw a lot of information at the reader in one sitting and it's a lot to take in. I'm considering rearranging things so some bits are in a separate chapter. Lol, yeah Dimitrov just wasted his time telling them all that, didn't he? That whole scene was meant to reflect how I'm sure people reading this are feeling at the time xD

    You'll learn about Abby's family before too long. It's not a topic she likes to talk about, obviously, but she does eventually open up about it. For now, let's just say she definitely has her reasons to be upset.

    Commented on: February 6, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for commenting :) I never figured anyone would think JTG was more than one person so I tossed that in there just to get people thinking :P It's another path of speculation to send readers down while I'm over here busy trying to keep my secrets xD That's not to say that JTG isn't more than one person, she very easily could be. After all, the best lies contain a hint of truth and the best place to hide something is often in plain sight. I'm being cryptic again, aren't I :P

    You were definitely on the right track about Nikki. At one point you would have been completely right because she was going to have gone ahead and had the baby, but then she would have given it up for adoption. But since I could come up with no logical way for her to hide all that from her parents, she ended up having an abortion instead. I'm glad you felt for her because it's definitely something she's still dealing with. Even if she wasn't afraid of her parents, she's still struggling with her decision.

    It's moments like these that I really wish I had gone ahead and introduced all of the group's parents at the beginning. I thought about it, but I felt like it would have been character overload to bring in so many people so early on. None of them would have had anything to do anyway, but it would have been nice to let people know a bit more about them than what you can glean from a few sentences about them from other characters. But you're right about Nikki's parents and Snow's view on them. Snow comes from a family that would support her no matter what she did. Nikki doesn't. But then, Nikki is terrified and she isn't thinking completely rationally so she could just be overreacting. And of course, anyone can change their ways so her parents could always come to see their daughter's side of things as well. To be honest, it's another of those things that I haven't completely decided what will happen. I don't even know for sure if her parents will even find out. Sometimes my own lack of preparation scares me xD

    I wasn't really sure whether Jackson and Snow would break up or not. I'd planned on them staying together at least a while longer and trying to fix things, but it felt like they were beyond that. Something is obviously very wrong in their relationship, so I agree that it's the best thing for them. I worry about that scene with them so I'm glad you think it's okay. I don't know why, it just makes me nervous :P Them sleeping together probably wasn't the best idea. It would make me uncomfortable too :P But given their situation and the small few they can trust, they'll have to figure out how to work together regardless.

    We'll be meeting Emilia very very soon, once the gang goes back to school. This has been an oddly long weekend, hasn't it? And it's only Sunday morning :P With the strange men staring at Snow, it will be a while before you get any solid answers, but there will be hints here and there most definitely.

    Commented on: February 6, 2015

  • Whispers of Nowhere

    Wow, that was certainly one exciting chapter! The battle sequences were exceptionally well done. You managed to find a good balance in both given plenty of detail without describing every single movement the combatants make, so good job there. Lol, Phenex manages some pretty zippy one-liners even in battle :P Your descriptions, as always, were fantastic. I feel like I say that in every comment, but it's a topic worth mentioning again because they really are that good. I may have said this before, but I'm usually not a fan of overly detailed descriptions. Yours somehow manage to be extremely detailed and rich without becoming too long to read or cheesy. How you do that, I don't know because when I try to be so detailed I typically fail spectacularly, so again, nice work with your descriptions.

    I thought Gwen taking note of the architecture of the buildings was a nice touch, especially considering where she had just teleported from. I liked that she appreciated something as normal as a building after everything she's just seen. Hmm, so Gwen can sense the presence of artifacts then, eh? Well, it makes perfect sense why she would be sent along on these missions with them then. And she got a power of her own out of the deal too. That'll be pretty useful, being able to control her enemies for a while. And Forneus got one of his powers back too, so that's good. One artifact for one power, then? Well, if he's right and worse enemies are going to start showing up then I suggest they find as many artifacts as they can, and fast xD

    And as for Gwen... what in the world is she? Right now, I really don't even have a guess but it must be pretty big since Forneus is so worried about telling her. It was also really nice in that last scene to see that Phenex will stand with Forneus no matter what. Whatever else Phenex may be, he's loyal to Forneus and that's a good thing. Anyway, enough of my ramblings for one afternoon :P I'll be sure to read more soon.

    Commented on: February 4, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    And thanks for commenting once again! It just occurred to me that I could have replied to both comments at once and saved you the time switching between them, but oh well xD I don't think clearly this soon after getting off of work and fighting through NYC subway commuters :P Anyway, I'm glad you like Abby and find her relatable. Fun fact (or maybe not so fun, I don't know :P) is that originally Abby was... well, kind of a bitch. Instead of being sad about the things that have happened to her, she was really really angry and was kind of mean to other people. It was hard, even for me, to feel any sort of sympathy toward her or to cheer for her because she just wasn't likeable. So, I made her hate herself a bit and I ended up not hating her myself after that :P

    Stanforth is really underused, I'm afraid to say. He makes really rare, brief appearances but otherwise doesn't really have that much of a role. He's a sort of father figure to Abby, but that's really about it. I have plans for him down the road (many many many miles down the road) but regardless, I'm glad you like him.

    Heh, I'm not really that familiar with weapons at all, particularly ones of that scale. I did have to do quite a bit of research about them and I ended up settling on a theme where the human ships are armed much like the ships from the World War 2 era. Endeavour especially is a blend of the Iowa-class battleships and an aircraft carrier. So they've got a lot of really big guns instead of Star Trek-esque phasers. There are some laser and energy based weapons, but for the most part it's just projectile weapons and missiles. Geez, I sound like a nerd xD

    Honestly, I think even if Abby had known that she and Jake would be on the same ship she still would have done exactly what she did. Abby's not easily embarrassed and she's not a big fan of being appropriate or following the rules. She had a good reason to make that offer because as she said, he's not likely going to be alive much longer and she knows how powerful hope can be. And despite what she says, she might very well have honored the deal. Even so, Endeavour has a crew compliment of 6,000 people. She's a mile long with 55 decks. The chances of Abby ever actually meeting Jake again on a ship that big are pretty small, right? Right? Hello? :P

    Lol, I'm glad you enjoyed Jake's panic attack xD He's screwing up left and right, isn't he? It's kind of funny but this gets compared to Star Trek quite a lot. It's funny because my original inspirations for it were the Halo video game series and the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica xD

    Commented on: February 3, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Thanks for commenting! The bedtime story is actually a pretty recent addition. It used to just be an opening monologue but it was so boring I thought people might give up before they got through it :P So, the bedtime story was born and so far it seems to be working out. I'm glad you think it has a twist of its own. That's a particular concern anytime I write sci-fi because it's pretty difficult to truly be original. Either you're copying Star Wars or Star Trek or Babylon 5 or whatever. It's tough to be at all unique when it's all be done before xD

    Lol, yes Abby has an attachment to 20th/21st century music. She likes the really old school stuff from 1600 years earlier :P She's put together a database of old songs from what's left of the Internet so that's how she listens to such old music. Honestly, having songs included is a habit of mine that I'm actually trying to break. I used to do it far too much so I'm trying to cut back and only do it occasionally when I think of a particular song that really fits the scene, such as the case with Abby here. I agree that Bring Me to Life is definitely one of their best songs, along My Immortal will probably always be my favorite. I don't know why because it's really morbid, but eh :P

    Poor Jake, he really does come off as a bit of a douche, doesn't he? But yeah, he's really not. He's much more of a goofball once you get to know him xD In this chapter he really had no idea what he was doing :P Thanks for pointing out those typos as well. I'll be sure to fix them. I don't know why because I edit this chapter so much that I'll just make all new ones before long, but oh well :P

    Commented on: February 3, 2015

  • The Killer

    The spirit creature continues to be absolutely chilling to read about. I'm really glad you included it's POV because it adds a lot to the creepy factor. It's interesting to learn more about the creature too, what it's limitations are, that sort of thing. So, it's trying to feed Nate bad memories of Lauren in order to get stronger? Well, we don't want that, do we? :P Especially since it seems to be planning even more vicious murders of other people close to Nate. Oh, out of random curiosity, if someone were to stroll into the room while the creature was floating about disconnected from Nate, would they be able to see it? Weird question and you may not be able to tell me if it's important to the story or something. I was just wondering xD I want to know random things :P 

    The rest of the chapter made me really sad. Seeing the way Nate and Lauren met, knowing that she's doomed, was really heartbreaking. I wasn't expecting to actually meet Lauren properly since she's dead, so that was really nice. Unfortunately, I really like her :P She has all these dreams and goals, she's funny and musical and managed to completely and humorously fluster Nate, who clearly has no idea what he's doing xD Poor guy. Still, he didn't do too bad. He managed to get a coffee date, after all.

    Anyway, it was interesting to see how Nate and Lauren met. I liked Nate as he was back then. He's clearly a very different person now than he used to be. Of course, I imagine being inhabited by a mind controlling creature and finding your wife's body would no doubt do that to anyone. Anyways, another good, creepy, and heartbreaking chapter. Nice job!

    Heh, from this point forward Nate will be forever known as Mr Chemistry xD

    Commented on: February 2, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Thanks for the comment! So it would surprise you then if Arcturus worked perfectly the very first time they ever use it? In fact, I'd say it even works much better than they ever expected. I won't confirm if that's actually a good thing or not :P Whatever happens, it'd be a safe bet to say it couldn't possibly go as planned xD It's good you're worried about the ship and crew too. You should be. Muahahahahaha :P

    Well, Abby's 29 so she's theoretically old enough to be Scarlett's mother. It's kind of funny, I went back and forth multiple times on whether or not to include any sort of connection between them at all. I liked having no connection except them just meeting when Scarlett is rescued, but... yeah, there's something between them.

    Heh, I wouldn't be strong enough to handle all that either. Scarlett's a tough kid though, but then again she is still a kid. Right now she's still sort of in shock, so it hasn't all hit her just yet. Anyway, I'm glad that part was emotional. Yeah, Jake... he doesn't get nearly as much action as he ought to. For some reason, I enjoy putting him in positions where he's uncomfortable. That'll make sense in a couple of chapters xD He's supposed to be a fighter pilot but we so rarely see him in the cockpit it's sometimes easy to forget that :P He just can't catch a break with Abby, can he? Every time he runs into her he does something dumb. I'm really unnecessarily mean to him like that :P

    Commented on: January 31, 2015

  • Cursed

    The second I start to somewhat trust Maui and Hahana, I'm immediately hit with some unnerving new information about them. Whatever Hahana's explanation is, they did technically lie. With their insistence to go on the mission, I'm getting really nervous that they're up to something nefarious or at the very least aren't being completely honest about their reasons for being on the island. I hope not since I really like them xD Regardless of that, it was nice to learn a little bit more about Maui and his family. We don't know much about either of them yet, so I was glad of that. 

    Carey and 256's conversation was heartbreaking. 256 talking about 440 and just his whole story really tugged at the heartstrings, so good job there. It's a tough thing to make a character as cruel as 440 a sympathetic character, but you succeeded in spades. Despite everything 440 did, I can't help but feel sorry for him. And 256 blaming himself for what 440 became, that made me really sad. Carey, naturally, is still struggling with having killed 440. I think 256 would understand that what she did was mercy, but still they were friends once so it's going to be hard for him to hear. I know that chapter is going to make me weepy :(  Hmm... why were Hahana and Samantha laughing together all of a sudden? What are they up to out there?

    Oh Janelle... Janelle, Janelle, Janelle, what are you doing? She's lost hope and her confidence again. I really hoped she wouldn't, but it's pretty clear she has. I don't know if Caleb is up to no good or not, but I can't help but think that this is the worst move she could have made. I was also surprised that she made such a big decision without discussing it with at the very least Sam. Although, I suppose it does make sense seeing as Sam would tell her she was being silly and to woman up and be the leader. I don't trust Caleb as far as I could throw the Empire State Building and giving him command of her rebels just seems like a terrible idea. Sure, he's organized and in control of a much larger force, but... I don't know. I've just got a really bad feeling about all of this. Suddenly, I can't help but get a very slight President Coin vibe from him. Like... he seems like he's a decent guy, fighting against the Gifted, but I worry about the lengths he'll go to in order to win. Gah, I'm rambling. I'll stop now xD

    Right now it seems like the group has lost their way somewhat. They've all got a lot of personal issues and I'm scared they're not ready to break into the Council. I hope they manage to pull themselves together in time to get this job done. Otherwise, I'm afraid we might well be having another funeral before long. Anyway, another really good chapter that has succeeded in further increasing my nervousness for the safety of the group and their future. With Janelle stepping down, the team on the mission not getting along, and 256 and Carey worrying about 440... I'm scared xD

    Commented on: January 29, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for the comment! Yeah, I'll be pretty surprised if anyone figures out that Brad is Mary's cousin. There's no hints or clues about it or anything, so yeah :P I've got to say, you notice so many minute details xD I didn't think anyone would pay any attention at all to Brad and Mary's last name being different. But you're right, he took his mother's last name because... reasons :P It's explained later once Brad becomes a more prominent character. It's nothing huge or story-changing, just a bit of his background. Still, I'm going to have to watch myself and what hints and clues I slip in. You're paying attention xD As for what Brad stole from the store, well that's an interesting story. I'm just not going to be telling it for a while :P I've recently decided to split the story into two parts so it's very possible we won't get into that until the next one. I'm not sure yet if I'll go that deep into what Brad's up to or not before I get to the cut off point.

    Yeah, Clara's plan probably isn't the best. It couldn't be that easy to get rid of JTG, right? Like Snow said, they're playing a game and as far as JTG is concerned Clara just decided she wasn't going to play anymore. That won't sit well with JTG. I will say though that JTG doesn't really get mad, she gets even :P Oooh, I'd been meaning to ask if you thought JTG killed Sara or not. I'm always interested to get people's thoughts on that. There's sort of a range of different ideas so it's always fun to read them. I'm trying to avoid similarities with Pretty Little Liars wherever I can and Alison received messages from A before she died, but it would be interesting if Sara was fighting with JTG before she was killed, so... yeah :P

    Lol, someone on fictionpress got upset with me for bringing Cooper back without any warning xD I believe the feels were a bit too strong, which I admit is perfectly fair. I miss Coop myself xD He will make more regularly scheduled appearances from now on and we might see one or two more old friends from time to time as well. With Alana, I actually agree that it's important to move on in a situation like hers. It's just in this case, and I have to be really careful with what I say here lest I say too much, Alana knows things that very few other people know. Cooper let her in on things that he wasn't supposed to, but given that she knows these things she now knows what's really important. It's kind of meaning of life stuff and what life really is. The only hint I can give you to clear some of that up is what Cooper said. Death isn't the end, it's the beginning of everything.

    Commented on: January 26, 2015

  • Cursed

    This chapter is making me feel anxious again. Whenever the group splits up, it makes me nervous but this time I'm just getting a really weird vibe. To say the least, I'm really worried. Lol, I'm glad you left no question as to whether or not Caleb was 256's father. If you hadn't, I would have been theorizing about that one forever :P The fact that you had already done something similar with 805 would have made me really skeptical of the idea, but still I know how my mind works xD

    256's part of the chapter was really good, especially the scene with Caleb. That Caleb, why must he be so smooth and make very good points about things? It was much easier to be mistrustful of him before. Now I find myself agreeing with him because his points are perfectly valid. I still don't trust him, but he's starting to lure me in xD Even so, his lack of any compassion or responsibility in regards to what he claims his people did to the Gifted worries me. Either he doesn't care that his men mutilated the Gifted or he does care but his people didn't listen to him. The latter would make him a bad leader, while the former scares me a lot. And it's not just Caleb, I mean if his people are willing to do things like that... O.o Oooh, I almost forgot. He had his mirror turned facing the wall. I wonder if that's because he doesn't want to be reminded of his scars or for some other reason?

    I'm concerned about 256 going on this mission, especially after what Caleb said to him. That's not something he really needed to hear right before going back to the Council. With him thinking that 913 and 440's punishment being his fault.. yeah, I'm worried about him. Lol, 256 using Carey's name :P What's he going to do if he, Caleb, and Carey are ever in the same room together. That'd be awkward xD

    Carey's talk with Thomas was really emotional. His story about hurting Sam and their mother made me sad :( I feel really bad for him. I was glad that Thomas was able to convince Carey to let 256 teach her even if she doesn't need him to anymore. I honestly have no idea what's going on with her now. I'd been thinking she could be some sort of Avatar-ish character that can 'control all four elements' or something, but since she's lost her Gift I'm guessing not. Hmm, maybe she can focus the Gifts of other people that are nearby? Or maybe she can 'borrow' Gifts from other Gifted or something? Yeah, I have no idea. I'll stop rambling :P

    Lol, Hahana and Maui xD I love them. They're always a delight to have around and I was happy to see Hahana got Sam to smile. That was really nice. I found it funny that Samantha was worried about their armor but not about the fact that they're taking the (I assume) only two black people on the island with them. They're kind of going to stand out a bit. That's not how you sneak around places, Sam. Bring people who blend in :P Anyway, this was a really good and emotional chapter and I enjoyed it. It made me really nervous for the future, but I suppose that's a good thing. I'm excited to see what happens with the mission and until then I'll be over here in my corner, quietly praying that no one else dies :P

    Commented on: January 12, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Thanks for the comment! Lol, see? You're becoming one of us now. Embrace the sci-fi. It's fun over here :P I do find sci-fi to be easier to understand and remember the more time I spend with it. I sort of have to get my mind into that place, especially when I'm trying to write it and make at least some small amount of sense xD

    I'm glad you liked Scarlett's escape and found it exciting and scary. Those types of scenes are usually not in my area of expertise at all so any time someone enjoys an action scene is a good day xD Why I'm trying to write a story about an interstellar war when I don't think I'm very good at action scenes is a mystery even I can't answer :P I'm glad you like Scarlett herself so far as well. My first reason for bringing in such a young character was to add a little innocence to the story and help a bit with some of the seriousness of later chapters... and I introduce her by destroying her home and killing a million people :P Heh, you'll often find that Abby ends up taking more detours than she'd like to admit and they usually get her into a lot of trouble. But then again, trouble can be fun, right?

    Lol, wow that's a lot of uses of the word dome, isn't it? Yeah, I'll have to do some editing there :P Thanks for pointing that out :)

    Commented on: January 12, 2015

  • Snowfall

    Oooh, Miss Atomic Bomb. I love that song. I'm going to have to play it now xD But actually I was thinking of Anna Kendrick's 'When I'm Gone' when I picked the title. I was going to go with something a bit more funeral related for the title, but I like that song so... yeah :P

    Sara seems to have really gotten around that night, didn't she? It'd be safe to say she at least visited the four girls, or will if she hasn't already gone to see Mary and Nikki. As for anyone else, well it's always possible :P I'm glad (and it sounds really weird to say that) that you found the funeral scene emotional. I've been to a few funerals and I'm always creeped out by them, which is one reason I skipped the actual ceremony itself. Burying Sara was definitely a good first step to help Snow move on, but as long as her killer is still running free she won't be able to find any real peace with it. Lol, the bit with Sara's body was somewhat important, but yeah I agree that's pretty creepy xD That's the main thing I don't like about funerals...

    Those are good guesses about Nikki's secret. I'm not sure exactly when I'll reveal it yet. Mary knows and now that all five of them know they can trust each other (Or can they? Muahahahahaha... ahem) it would be odd for her to keep it a secret from the rest of them, but I do love my secrets so... eh. Anyway, I'm glad you liked learning more about her and Clara's mom. None of the other girl's families have appeared yet and this was a good opportunity to start to introduce them. It also gives me many new characters to play with and any one of them could be JTG or Sara's killer... or both :P

    Don't feel too bad about not figuring out that Mary stole because she lost Ari's earrings. So far, I don't think anyone has. I even told my sister that Mary's secret was really obvious, but she still didn't see it. I think people kind of forget that Mary borrowed the earrings anyway since it was so brief and wasn't mentioned again since then, so yeah. But that's her big secret. I can't say I would have believed her either, but even if Zoe did JTG still knows so you're right. It's not over for her just yet xD

    You know, I almost didn't reveal that Mary and Nikki were both getting messages in this chapter. Snow, Clara, and Jackson were going to spend a while being suspicious of them and naturally they were going to be acting really suspicious as well, but I liked the idea of establishing a core group of people that are trustworthy and having them work together. That and this story is getting to be pretty long already. I'm just getting started and I'm already up to chapter 16 and am seriously considering cutting the story in half and end up with a trilogy of sorts. But either way, that would have sort of been a pointless storyline since it would have ended the same way anyway, so yeah :P

    Steven though, he'll definitely be one that at least some of the group are suspicious of. Lol, the characters are gonna call JTG her too now because trying to be gender-neutral is extremely annoying whenever I have to refer to JTG :P Hmm... technically I could say whether JTG is a character that's already been introduced or not, but to me it would just be a massive spoiler though and remove a lot of suspicion from any new characters that come in later on. I will say that by the time we get to JTG's reveal, the person will be a known character. It won't be someone brand new that we haven't met that is introduced at the same time you learn that they're JTG... if that made any sense xD Anyway, I've gone on way longer than I'd intended to. Sorry about that. Thanks for the comment! :)

    Commented on: January 10, 2015

  • The Killer

    This chapter right here is exactly why I'm not supposed to read stuff when I'm home alone and sitting in the dark :P That last section was absolutely terrifying. Anyway, this chapter was really dark and gloomy (in a good way). Poor Nate is barely holding it together, it seems. Once again his emotions are very well described and heartbreaking. I really liked Nate and Max's interactions as well. I felt so sorry for little Max. Poor little boy losing his mother like that... :(

    The description of the way Nate found Lauren's head was chilling and disturbing, and combined with the ending... wow. I'm really creeped out. You weren't kidding when you said Lauren's killer is revealed early on. I wasn't expecting to find out so soon :P I was thinking a murder mystery for at least a little while, so I'm glad you went a different route and surprised me. I didn't think Nate did it either, so you surprised me twice even if it was something else using his hands to do the deed. That creature/ghost/spirit/demon whatever the heck it is is really creepy with the way it talked about making Nate happy... O.o Anyway, this chapter was a little short but very interesting. It was dark, depressing, and downright terrifying. I'm excited to see what you do with it next :)

    Commented on: January 2, 2015

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Hey, thanks for commmenting! I'm sure you read it just fine, it's just that I've done some editing on these early chapters a couple of times since you read them. I didn't want anyone to guess exactly what had happened with Abby and the car accident, so I was intentionally making things vague. Now it doesn't bother me if anyone figures it out, so I changed things to make it much more clear that Abby was driving the car. I don't come right out and say it, but yeah it's pretty obvious now :P So yeah, you're right about the car crash and Abby's family. You won't find out about her family for a while yet, but there are enough clues here and there to figure it out.

    Poor Jake is right xD He just can't get it together around her. No matter his intentions, it doesn't work out for him. I'm glad you like him as he's a character I worry about a bit :P He used to be a serious, by the book military guy but he ended up morphing into the comic relief in a way. He can still be serious, but he tends to be less so most of the time. He also uses his job in the military to pick up girls, so you've got to take the good with the bad :P

    Sci-fi is the only genre I dare to attempt to be really detailed and descriptive. I guess it's because I'm limited only by my own imagination, so I can pretty much do whatever I want and get away with it. I even created a fully planned out government system for the Federation. You'll never see it explained because it doesn't need to be, but it's there. That's the sort of thing you end up doing when you've been writing something this long and you get stuck. You create a new form of government xD I don't know why, but let me try to describe a room or a meadow or something in great detail and it's awful, but if you want me to design a fully functional spaceship... yeah, that I can usually do. Go figure :P

    There's way too much information being thrown at you in this chapter. I really ought to maneuver things around so there's a bit less to absorb. It doesn't really matter if you remember all the sci-fi sciencey stuff though xD Lol, that scene with Abby and Sheridan listening to Dimitrov explain about the engine was meant to reflex exactly what I'm sure you and anyone else reading this was no doubt thinking. "What in the world is he talking about?" xD So its just like Abby says, she (and the reader) doesn't understand and she doesn't need to. It just works. Don't worry about remembering all the technobabble, which is really all it is. I'm not a quantum engineer, I just made something up that sounded good :P It's not important, really and if it ever is a character will be sure to say something to remind you about it. Personally, I keep a glossary of sorts with all the details and stuff because I can't remember myself half of the time xD 

    Commented on: January 2, 2015

  • Snowfall

    I've been wanting to go back to the warehouse for ages, I just haven't had a reason to up till now. I really miss it though :( To me it became a character in and of itself and things don't feel the same without it around. If I hadn't just needed to make the move to Mistbrook Falls, they'd all still be living there. The warehouse will make plenty more appearances though, I promise.

    It's a safe bet to assume that JTG is bothering other people and not just the three of them. I don't completely know for sure how many myself. I think I know, but that could always change. Yeah, I intentionally left Mary, Nikki, and Steven out of the spotlight so they're kind of unknown quantities. I knew Snow and Clara's secrets were never going to be kept a secret from readers and Jackson's wasn't for very long, so their secrets can stay just that for a while; secret. Any one of them could be JTG as you said, so keeping them somewhat mysterious helps with that feeling of uncertainty a bit. Emilia's got a role to play, no doubt. I'm just not saying what it is xD

    Yeah, Snow is slowly starting to realize that the Sara she knew wasn't necessarily the real Sara. The truth about Sara is going to be really hard for her to believe and right now, she still doesn't believe it. Well, she doesn't want to believe it. She wants to remember Sara the way she knew her, not as the person Clara and Jacob are telling her she was. I'm glad you liked their contrasting views on Sara. Clara's viewpoint is definitely the more realistic one of the two. I'm glad you liked Snow and Clara's interactions and Clara's opinions on Snow's blackout. Their friendship honestly is deeper than Snow and Sara's was. It's much more pure, I should say. Even though Clara changed pretty much everything about herself to fit in, she's not just Snow's friend because of her status. They really do care about each other and writing the two of them can be really fun sometimes xD

    Jackson's anger is completely justified and Snow really shouldn't have yelled at him. He has every right to be angry with Clara, helpful or not. This is really the first time Snow's starting to show signs that she can't handle everything that's happening. She's just lost Sara and suddenly she's faced with the losing Clara too, not to mention JTG and Jackson cheating on her, and she just snaps. It won't be the last time either. Still, I'm glad you won't hold it against her :P

    Lol, I need to go back and edit the first two chapters (and a good number of the others) because there's many things that need fixing in that story. Every time I think about doing it, this story beckons me and I never get around to it xD

    Commented on: December 29, 2014

  • Snowfall

    Heh, I didn't even expect Brad and Michael to be working together :P I'd planned on them being enemies at first, but I like them better as allies. Maybe frienemies is the better word as they don't always get along so well. And yeah, it changes things too xD Michael isn't the type of guy who feels much remorse for anyone really. He doesn't have time for remorse or feelings at all for the most part, as he's obviously a busy man :P

    Nearly all of the pieces to the Mary puzzle are already out there, they just aren't arranged in the proper order xD Your theory is close, not quite on target just yet, but getting warmer. The problem she had is also linked to whatever she and Brad did the night Sara was murdered. That's the only clue I'm giving xD One thing I should clear up because it will be important later is that Michael did in fact rape Mary and Sara did catch him in the act. She also has the video she took on her phone to prove it. Rereading that chapter (you're right, it was three) I see that it's not explicitly said that she caught him raping her and it really should be. I'll have to edit that because it's pretty important :P You're right about Brad though, he definitely doesn't know about that. Michael wants to keep that secret all to himself.

    I'm glad you didn't expect Jackson to have cheated on Snow, especially with Emilia. I have no idea why I don't want anyone to see that coming, I just don't :P It will definitely make it hard for Snow to keep her promise, but she's Ariana's daughter, so yeah xD Snow and Jackson's relationship will be strained, for sure. I'm not completely sure myself what will happen with them yet. I could see them breaking up, but for the moment they're going to try and repair their relationship and I'll likely end up doing with them what feels right as times goes on.

    I actually thought I mentioned the bookstore before this, but when I noticed I hadn't I knew I needed to reference it because it's still around. She's changed the name, though. It's now called Coop's Books and Cupcakes. Ariana sells cupcakes there too :P I'm glad hearing about it made you feel warm and fuzzy :)

     

    Commented on: December 29, 2014

  • Cursed

    Well, I'd planned on reading the next chapter of The Killer tonight but when I got home I saw you'd posted this and my curiosity got the better of me :P I really like the nervous interactions between 256 and Carey. They're so cute together xD Their scenes could just go on and on and I wouldn't get bored with them. Hmm... Carey can keep control over her new power already. Very interesting. It was interesting to see both of their thoughts on Reagan and Caleb. His death would naturally hit Carey much harder than 256. I felt really bad for her, especially since I'd been so focused on how his death would affect Janelle and less about the rest of the group. Carey cared about him too, maybe not the same as Janelle but still... :(

    I'm glad Carey doesn't trust Caleb. Sure, he could be a perfectly nice person that only wants to see the Gifted overthrown. Or he could be a crazy psychopath with an agenda all his own, or some other point in between the two. Better safe than sorry, I say :P In this world, trusting new people would be really hard. 256 thinking back to the Gifted murders was good as well. If that really was Caleb's doing... O.o Lol, squishy Carey xD Well, she wasn't so squishy when she slapped Samantha. Carey's got a temper :P

    Janelle's dream made me really sad :( Heck, Janelle's entire portion of this chapter made me sad. I liked that she didn't care if Reagan had been a spy. I think that would be a very natural reaction. He's gone, so what does it matter? I thought that was a realistic response. I've got to say, as much as I love 256 and Carey's relationship, I really think Janelle and Sam's relationship is my favorite of them all. There's something magical, and I hate to use the word magical here but it's the only word coming to my sleepy brain right now, about their relationship. I just love their friendship. There's a deepness to it, if that makes any sense at all :P Like I said, I'm sleepy xD The conversation between them was really well done. It's emotional and very sad. When Janelle said Sam was the last person she loved left... :( If anything happened to Sam...

    I'm glad Samantha decided to go on the mission to the Council. I'm really proud of her for doing that. It would be good for her to come face to face with 805 again. I'm glad she's realized she needs to see him and face her demons. That last sentence :( Damn.  Now I'm all weepy and want ice cream.

     

    Commented on: December 28, 2014

  • Snowfall

    I'd been trying to find a place to mention Adrian for a while. I even considered editing it in an earlier chapter, but as you say it's not something they talk about very much so it always seemed out of place. I was happy to finally find a spot to fit that in. I'm glad you found Snow's thoughts on the situation realistic. It seemed realistic to me, but I've never been in her place so what do I know? Heh, it's chapters like these that I'm glad I went against my original plan and revealed that Ariana was dying instead of keeping it a secret. It hovers in the background of every scene she's in in a way I didn't expect. And I've already got my tissues ready so when I get around to writing Ariana telling Snow I can actually get through it :P

    Assuming Snow's dream really was related to that murderer, I'll agree with you that I hope Snow doesn't get caught by him. That would be an extremely bad day for her xD That guy doesn't seem very nice :P I wasn't sure Sara would be coming back either. There’s a reason, I just can’t talk about it for a long while. Yeah, just like everything else :P I just started thinking that there's still so much about Sara that we don't know and it would be much more interesting if she could still appear from time to time. Is she a guide, a ghost, something else entirely? We'll get into that later :P

    I'm pretty confident that Cooper and Claire will reappear at some point. Since Ariana is dealing with her own mortality, talking to people who have already died would be pretty useful. And Cooper did promise to come running whenever she called, so… :P And as for Michael and what he’s up to, well the next chapter will either give you a tiny bit of clarity about him (and a few other things) or just make everything that much more confusing xD I’ve heard both from different people, so… yeah. Anyways, thanks for commenting :D

    Commented on: December 22, 2014

  • The Killer

    I've been meaning to read this for a while, but somehow I've never managed to get around to it until now :( Anyway, since you've written this in first person I have to congratulate you for braving that method of writing. I'm usually pretty bad at it, I think, so any time I read something where it is done well it's the first thing I mention. The perspective really was good and I think you used it well to show Nate's feelings and emotions so good job there :) The flow of the story was really good and smooth too. His thoughts on everyone thinking he was the killer was heartbreaking and the entire scene in the cemetery made me feel really sad.

    The description of the murder was really good too. Awful and disturbing, obviously, but very good :P I wonder who the killer really is? I don't think Nate did it, unless he has one of the mind creatures that made him do it... Okay, it's way too early for theories xD And Brandon. I wonder why Nate was so afraid of him? Anyway, a really good start! I'm very interested to see where this goes.

     

    Commented on: December 20, 2014

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for commenting!! You make a good point about Kayla seeming neglected up to this point. It wasn't intentional, it just sort of happened that way. But I always knew I wanted Kayla to be the one to comfort Snow about Sara because its just not something Kayla is really expected to do. As you said, you thought Ariana would be the one to do that and usually she would be. I was glad I got to give Kayla a scene like that for once. Of course, it's likely not to be the only time Kayla is in that situation. When Snow finds out about Ariana, I imagine Kayla will have to do it again. Anyway, I'm glad you liked that scene :)

    There are a lot of creepy older men checking Snow out, aren't there? It's probably bad news, whatever it is :P As for Emilia... well, she'll factor in in a way that I'm hoping nobody expects. I don't want to give anything away because I really hope no one sees it coming xD Jacob's role at the moment still isn't fully fleshed out. While he could always potentially be JTG, other than that I don't have big plans for him yet. I say yet because he's a character that I created because I needed bodies :P I've got a lot of storyline ideas that I'm not sure when and how they'll be introduced so Jacob will very likely fall into one of those. Is he good? Is he bad? Even I don't know right now xD I'm leaning towards good, but this is Mistbrook Falls so who knows :P

    That scene with Snow and Jacob and her thoughts about Sara seeming worse than she remembered her is the very beginning of something that will likely take the entire story to fully explore. Snow will slowly start to learn more and more about Sara's real personality, a journey which I hope will be interesting. I really glad you liked the contrast between Sara and Michelle. It's been established that Sara didn't get along with her mother, but we never got into why. Well, that's one of the reasons why :P They're drastically different, but very similar in some ways as well. Michelle knows how to get what she wants just like Sara did, she's just more likely to use brute force than manipulation.

    With Sara's stepdad, Sara just didn't like him because she really loved her dad and so when this new guy showed up in her life, she didn't want anything to do with him and, being Sara, didn't want her friends to like him either. So she convinced her friends that he was a jerk even though he doesn't seem to be. Of course, that doesn't mean he's not actually a jerk and is just hiding it well at the moment xD He's also the type of person that, when he sees a problem, he just rushes straight at it and does what he thinks is best to fix it. He thinks Michelle isn't grieving her daughter's death appropriately, so he decides to tear down the so-called shrine as quickly as he can. He really should have at least waited until after Sara's funeral to do it though. At this point, Sara hasn't even been dead 48 hours.

    Commented on: December 19, 2014

  • Whispers of Nowhere

    Another good chapter! It was quite interesting and we learn a lot in this one. It's pretty lengthy, but it was just perfect as it completely occupied me during my boring train ride to work :P Anyway, it seems more likely now that humans must have done something pretty bad to Phenex at some point. At least, that's the impression I got from his thoughts in this chapter. Despite his general jerkish attitude most of the time, I still like him. I feel like there's so much depth to him waiting to be explored.

    So Nowhere is a prison then? I didn't see that coming. I see what you meant about the Council doing something to Forneus. That's pretty harsh :( It's also a bit silly of them to take power away from the person that they're sending out to reclaim the artifacts that will close the wide open portal to their prison. I'm not sure I like the Council at all. I get the feeling they'll be more a hindrance to our heroes than a help. I'm also not sure how Phenex would respond to being called a hero xD

    I'm also quite curious as to why Gwen needs to go along on the mission. I agree with her that she would be much safer staying behind, but there's clearly a reason why she must go. Anyway, a really good chapter and I'll read more just as soon as I can :)  

    Commented on: December 16, 2014

  • Snowfall

    No, no, I didn't mention them at all :P I re-read it earlier and you didn't miss anything. I'm just losing my mind, that's all there is to it. I'm just remembering things that never happened xD I suppose it could be lack of sleep because I'm still up catching up on my reading after midnight instead of going to bed, but oh well... :P

    Commented on: December 15, 2014

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for the comment :) I'm not looking forward to Snow finding out either. I already know I'm going to be very depressed for a while when I get around to writing that chapter. I'm already preparing myself for the feels :( I even get sad writing parts with Kayla and Ariana even if they aren't talking about Ariana's disease because that's always in the back of my mind. It's funny you mentioned a supernatural force rescuing Ariana because I do sort of have an out for her. I inadvertently wrote it into the end of Warehouse so the option is there if I wanted to pursue it but... I really don't know for sure what I'm going to do. It's kind of 50/50 right now. I suppose it'll depend on how much I can harden my heart once I get there. Suffice to say, Ari will be with us for a long time to come regardless.

     Well, it all really depends on what JTG wants, doesn't it? I mean, he/she hasn't made any demands or anything and that could very well be the only secret JTG has about Snow. If so, and they wanted to coerce Snow in some way they wouldn't want to relinquish their only ammunition. Of course, it's always possible that JTG is actually just a psychopath that wants to hurt her, so... xD JTG is remarkably unpredictable, just let me say that. As for Jackson being JTG, I'd say he's just as likely a suspect as anyone else. There are only two people in town who are supposed to know both of the things JTG knows. And of course those people are Snow and Clara :P JTG's messages do tend to sound more like a girl than a guy, don't they? Was that intentional or was I just using the fine art of misdirection? We may never know... xD

    Yeah, I still don't want to talk about Brad and Mary :P Well, I want to I just really shouldn't. I'm going to end up saying too much one day xD I shouldn't talk about the teacher either, actually. It's much too soon. Let's just say he's not the only person that will be eyeing Snow strangely O.o

    While I wasn't going to have an assembly, I could have sworn I wrote a part where the girls were talking about the grief counselors that had been brought in to school. None of them wanted to go, so they skipped the sessions. In fact, I know I wrote that. I know I'm not (that) crazy :P That's going to bug me now because I specifically remember writing that. Whatever. I'm glad you pointed that out. I'll edit that bit when I get a chance :D  

    Commented on: December 15, 2014

  • Cursed

    Damn. Yep, that's all I've got for you. Comment over :P I don't know how to feel right now. So much happened in this chapter that I should probably wait and think everything over before I start talking but oh well. Firstly, Carey has two Gifts? I didn't think that was possible. That's a really interesting revelation. Could she have more than just the two?  Ooooh, 256 was healed by a Gift of Water Marvin said, so could that have been Carey? Has she had more than one Gift all along and just didn't know? If she had them all along I would have thought she would have discovered it before as she's been in life threatening situations before. Wow, so many questions xD I must admit I was a bit surprised, in a good way, by 256's reaction to what 805 did. He's optimistic and hopeful and he's choosing to believe the best in 805. Truth be told, I believe he's right.

    Janelle survived and that made me immensely happy :P But everything else... I just don't know what to feel. Reagan's death hit me harder than I expected it to. I only just started to trust him, but if what Caleb said is true and he was spying on the rebellion all along, then... O.o But if he really did turn against the Gifted, and I mean he was fighting John, then was he really on the rebel's side? I still believe he loved Janelle, so had he really changed sides? Perhaps because of her? Regardless of my confused emotions over Reagan, I'm really upset for Janelle :( She just finally let her guard down for someone and now this has happened. Poor girl, she just keeps losing the people closest to her. How much more loss can she handle?

    This Caleb though, he's quite interesting. Do I trust him for a second? Hell no. Since he seems to be the leader of the rebels that were slaughtering Gifted, I'm not sure he's the nicest guy around. Of course, Wesley was last seen with them so perhaps a reunion is coming soon? Either way, it appears things are about to change pretty significantly with Caleb and the Southern Rebellion in the picture now. Anyway, overall this was an emotional, informative, and well-written chapter. It's given me plenty to think about until the next one. And for Reagan... well, for a long time I didn't trust you and I'm still not sure if I ever should have, but whatever you did, whoever you worked for, you loved Janelle and that earns you a place in my heart. RIP Reagan :(  

    Commented on: December 11, 2014

  • Snowfall

    JTG actually was heavily inspired by A. Originally I wasn't going to have any of JTG's messages signed at all because I thought it felt too much like A. The characters were just going to refer to him/her as the 'mystery texter' but typing that over and over got tiring quickly so I ended up with JTG; which could mean anything or nothing at all :P Heh, it would have been pretty tough for Nikki to send that message, although I know someone who can send lengthy texts while keeping their phone in their pocket the whole time, so Nikki could just be really skilled. Of course, she doesn't know about Clara sabotaging Jacob's bike... or does she? *cue evil laughter* 

    I can't say much about Mary and Brad. One of their stories is directly related to another character's story, which in turn is connected to another character's story that I'm not even hinting at yet xD So, yeah I should really keep my mouth shut :P I can also neither confirm nor deny your jewelry store theory, but I can say that the mention of the robbery wasn't just random fluff. Geez, have I been cryptic enough today? And you're not rambling, I love reading people's theories. I like to know what people are thinking and just how close to the truth they are. I've seen some theories that were dead on and others that were very far off the target, but they're all quite interesting. Especially the incorrect ones because a couple of them have fit so perfectly with the rest of the story that I almost wish I could use some of them xD

    Commented on: December 9, 2014

  • Cursed

    Are you trying to kill me? :P You know my heart is fragile and that I'm on edge about this story, but you still do this to me xD That ending... I can't even right now. But despite almost having a coronary, I really liked this chapter. I must say that this is one chapter where I really wish Samantha was a POV character. I can only imagine what's going through her head when she's faced with the prospect of coming face to face with 805 again. That must be really awful for her :( Thomas makes a good point though, running away isn't going to help her at all. I'm also interested to see how 256 will react to learning about 805 and Samantha. I imagine that will change his opinion of him, even if it's just a little.

    Lol, Hahana xD She's so optimistic. Somehow I can't see 805 being so easy to convince :P I was glad to see Reagan opening up a little to Janelle. Even though he hasn't been completely truthful, he seems to be heading in that direction. The part with him and Janelle was really sweet and romantic. Janelle had to open up a bit a well and let down her guard with Reagan, what with everything she's been through with Alex. That can't have been easy for her, but I'd like to think it was good for her... and by 'good for her' I just meant emotionally not, you know, anything else :P

    John... this guy, I don't know. Right now I'm thinking he's part of some sort of group of renegade Gifted. I mean, John's clearly Gifted but he doesn't seem to be working with the Gifted so... yeah, that's my theory for now. And Janelle, don't ever look away from someone you find suspicious. C'mon, girl, you know better than that :( I'm going to hope and pray that Janelle is okay. She has to be, right? Reagan was likely hiding nearby, invisible. He'll save her or she'll find a way to escape, right? I don't think she'll die, but who knows? There's still way too much to her story for her to die this early, though. Of course, I said the same thing about Ned Stark and we all know what happened there, so... yeah. It'd be a heck of a surprising twist if she died and although it would break my heart to see it happen, I'd have to praise you for fantastic writing.   

     

    Commented on: December 8, 2014

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for commenting :) Yeah, that bit about Cooper made me sad too. It's moments like these that I really miss having him around. I'm glad you liked that part though, because honestly this chapter was pure evil to write and I'm not completely happy with it, but oh well :P Snow's breakdown is coming, she's just sort of still in that denial stage where Sara's death isn't real to her yet. Crying really is therapeutic though, so it really would help her if she did. I spent a lot of time thinking about what exactly will happen to their group without Sara and to be honest, I'm still not entirely sure xD Right now I'm just going with what I feel like in the moment. As their secrets come out, the dynamic within the group could easily change which would be fun for me because I don't have a plan.

    Nikki, huh? She's really easy to be suspicious of, isn't she? Out of the four girls, she's the one we know next to nothing about. She hasn't done much of anything up to this point, she's just sort of been in the background. She's definitely got a secret, I'll say that much. But then, everyone does so that's hardly a clue xD Heh, if you end up accusing everyone then I've done my job right. I want everyone to be suspicious :P It makes it much easier to hide the real killer if everyone seems like they could have done it.

    Oh Brad :P I really like writing him even though I usually don't enjoy trying to write from the male perspective. He's been fun so far. You'll get answers about him soon. Of course he's up to something, but whether it's got anything to do with Sara... well, you'll have to wait and see. I mean, maybe the person he's talking to is just a really sensitive murderer or something xD But yes, he would have to be incredibly clueless to leave his own knife at the scene of the crime. Unless he knew that by leaving his knife there he could convince the police that someone had stolen his knife and that he was being set up to take the fall for someone else, thereby removing himself as a potential suspect and so left his knife intentionally. Mind = Blown, right? xD

     I'm glad you pointed out that bit at the end there about Sophia. That needs to go. That's there because originally Brad was going to be a bit of a womanizer and was going to end up pursuing Sophia romantically after a while. He even whistled and made a few sexual innuendos when her saw her before O.o I changed Brad so he's not like that now and while he may eventually find himself interested in Sophia, he's no longer the time of person who's going to notice if the detective that's arresting him is lovely or not :P

    Commented on: December 5, 2014

  • Gifted

    So that's what you meant by that. Yeah, I remember you saying that and I was on the lookout for it for a while, but it eventually slipped my mind :P I never picked up on that one. It's interesting that they both chose to use their mother's names in the same conversation xD

    Oh, yeah. I actually do remember Sam asking Janelle to use her knife. I'd forgotten about that. That's what happens when I try to do stuff like this at 1am :P My crazy schedule this week has forced me to do things at extremely odd hours that I really shouldn't be doing xD

    Commented on: December 4, 2014

  • Gifted

    Hey, I finally got around to reading those chapters. It was nice to go back and relive this part of the story again and see how far these characters have come. It also reminded me just how bad my long-term memory is :P So, if I talk about anything that wasn't changed but was in there the first time I read it, well... sorry xD I just means my memory sucks, but I liked it enough to mention it.

    Anyway, starting with chapter 17, I don't remember Janelle having that dream the first time around and I didn't mention it in my original comment, so I thought I'd talk about that. It's a good addition because it serves to show just how much the failure at the Lake Village and losing her people broke her. Her thoughts about how Amy might hate her for her failure was really sad. Her conversation with Marvin seemed longer and more in depth as well and I liked the way he made her question who else among them would take over if she stepped down. I know none of that was what you asked me to read these for, but still :P One thing I did notice was at the beginning of that part during Janelle's dream it says 'It had been over a week since their failed rebellion, and she had not left this bed since' and then after she wakes up you sort of repeat yourself by saying 'It had been a week since their fight at the Lake Village, but she had not left this room since'. It seemed redundant to have that mentioned twice.     

    With chapter 18, I really enjoyed the changes to Carey and Sam's... er, I mean Amber and Michelle's (I never noticed Sam's choice of that name before :P) conversation. It was interesting to read it with the knowledge of what comes next and knowing what Sam's story is really about. The reference to Sam's dagger was new as well, was it not? I liked the changes to the ending as well. I think it was a good call to change that like you did. I liked the original too, but giving that little hint with Carey thinking that Sam was lying was a nice touch.

    But enough with my rambling, I should get to what you actually asked me about :P I think you did a really good job making it feel much more believable in regards to the way the rebels react to Carey. Janelle and Sam make some good statements and observations about Carey now and how she's clearly not a normal Gifted person. Lol 'She’s obviously far less intelligent than the rest of them too' Sam's got some really zippy one-liners, doesn't she xD But yeah, it's way more believable now I think. If I were reading it for the first time, I wouldn't have any issue with their reactions at all. Even by the end they still don't seem to completely trust her. Janelle is still wondering if she can trust what Carey's told them so far.

    Anyway, if you have any questions, want me to give my thoughts on something I didn't, or want me to read more chapter please don't hesitate to ask :)

    Commented on: December 3, 2014

  • Whispers of Nowhere

    Note to self: Don't start reading something blindly that has the potential to have graphic descriptions of vomiting in the opening paragraph while eating lunch :P Ah well, a good and enjoyable chapter regardless :) I must say, Gwen is a feisty little thing, isn't she? At least she is when Forneus is around. It was interesting that she became must less confrontational when she was alone with Phenex. She seems to have lost quite a bit of her confidence without Forneus around.

    Speaking of Phenex, he's quickly becoming one of my favorite characters. He's a bit of a jerk, but I think he's got a good heart under there somewhere. He reminds me a bit of Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries (Yes, I watch that. Don't judge me :P) Phenex seems to hate everyone, or at least all humans but the fact that he even thought about giving Gwen his jacket proves he's not heartless. I still wonder what made him hate humans so much. Something clearly must have happened because I don't believe it's simply because he thinks humans are inferior to his kind.

    I'm also curious about this mysterious Council and what they're about. Phenex seemed to indicate that they had done something pretty harsh to Forneus in the past when he thought 'what else could they do to him'. I was also glad to see Phenex as a POV character. Given the type of character he is, it ought to be fun :P Anyway, another good chapter. I'm very interested to see what's coming next :)

    Commented on: December 1, 2014

  • Cursed

    I almost couldn't force myself to read this today. You've got me seriously worrying for the safety of these characters and after one of my favorite TV shows killed a beloved character last night I'm hardly in a place to deal with anymore heartbreak today. Luckily, nothing terrible happened so I can start breathing again :P

    This was a really good follow-up to the last chapter. The fact that you managed to make teenage relationship drama fit so seamlessly into a fantasy story about a rebellion is really cool :P The part with Carey and 256 was funny and had a good balance of awkwardness. Neither of them have any idea about how to handle what's happened between them or what to do next, do they? Both their situation and their reactions to it are realistic and relatable. Their future encounters should be fun xD

    It was very sad and emotional to see Carey thinking about Wesley and her family and wondering if they would still love her and want her to come home.
    Of course I'm sure they would, but for Carey that's got to be something she would be afraid of. Poor girl really shouldn't be so hard on herself. She's kind of in the middle of a war, after all. She's got a lot on her plate :( This is making me curious again as to where Wesley has gone. We haven't seen him in ages. I wonder what he's been getting up to.

    Meanwhile, Reagan continues to be a mystery. He's not going to be able to keep his secret forever. He'd be much better off telling Janelle the truth than letting her find out through some other means. And it seems Carey's powers are growing. That should be interesting.

    I half expected 256 to say no to Janelle's plan. Not because he wouldn't want to help, but as he said he might not be strong enough to see his old life again. I'm once again very proud of him for having the courage to agree to the plan despite his reservations. Oh and of course, 805! *happy dance* xD

    Commented on: December 1, 2014

  • Snowfall

    Haha, that's the best theory so far xD I could see Sara being a criminal mastermind, preparing to destroy the town with her Death Ray and Snow must stop her. I love it! Fun fact, my very first idea for a sequel was going to be something along those lines. The CIA (or some fictional government agency) was going to discover that Fate and Destiny existed and were going to be trying to capture them and use their powers to control everyone. Somehow, Snow would have ended up fighting against them to save the world. That, I quickly realized, probably would have been a bit too drastic of a departure from the original so… yeah, I didn't go that direction :P Still, as I say anything's possible so there very well could be an evil mastermind in town that's up to no good. It could even have been Sara. I’m glad you find everyone suspicious as well. That was the plan, after all. Everyone’s up to something around here :P

    I wondered about Sophia questioning Snow as well. I did some Googling and while there’s not a specific law against it, anything Snow said would likely be inadmissible in court. But yeah I figured that since it’s a small town and there aren’t that many detectives around, Sophia was the only one there at the time to question her.

    As for Michael, he was questioned off-screen (off-page?) along with everyone else at the party. He’ll actually be questioned again by Sophia in a later chapter as the investigation continues. I thought about showing his original questioning in this chapter, but since there’s no evidence pointing to him it wouldn’t have been all that interesting.

    Heh, I’m happy you feel sorry for Brad :P No one ever feels sorry for Brad. I mean, we don’t even know him yet. He could be a positively wonderful human being and is simply being misjudged. Poor guy xD It would be pretty stupid of him to murder someone with his own knife and just leave it there at the scene of the crime where the police can quite easily find it… of course, there are some pretty dumb criminals out there so… xD
     

    Commented on: November 28, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Hey, thanks for the comment :) It's been a while since anyone's commented on the very first chapter, so I'm feeling all nostalgic now. Ariana is an enigma wrapped up in a mystery for a while, I like to say. She's definitely not an ordinary seventeen-year-old, that's for sure :P 

    Thanks for pointing out those errors, I'll be sure to fix them. I swear every time I look over this chapter and think I've caught any and all mistakes more of them end up popping up xD There's a conspiracy, I say! Anyway, thanks again for commenting. I'll be getting back to Whispers of Nowhere as soon as I can. I'm doing a lot of traveling over the next few days so it might be as late as Monday :(

    Commented on: November 28, 2014

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for commenting! So, yeah, Sara... :( I'm glad you liked the scene even though it was awful. It broke my heart to write that bit, even though Sara hasn't been around very long and hasn't been the most likable of characters, I still felt terrible. And as for Snow, yeah her perfect world is starting to fall apart. I feel really bad. I love Snow and I'm really making things hard for her :P Sara does look pretty guilty of drugging Snow, doesn't she? But then as you say, she's very cunning so who's to say? She had the opportunity, certainly, and she did mention that she had a betrayal planned for the party so yeah... anything's possible xD

    Ah, I do love theories :P Steven just sort of pops up out of nowhere in this chapter, so I can see how he'd seem pretty suspicious. You probably will end up saying that about everyone at some point xD I mean, at this point the only people we know for a fact didn't kill Sara are Kayla and Ariana because they were out of town at the time of the murder. A lot of people are going to appear guilty, both intentionally and unintentionally. So Steven... as I said, anything is possible. Everyone in town definitely has their secrets after all O.o With Michael, eh... it's probably best if I don't say anything :P I'm walking a fine line with him, so yeah... xD Hmm, I suppose I can say he could be quite a bit smarter than you think he is. Okay, that’s it. I’ll say no more.

    Ariana... God, I've never cried over a fictional character the way I did when I wrote that scene. That was horrible for me :( Of all the characters I've written, she's undoubtedly my favorite and with this I've pretty much just signed her death warrant, so yeah, I was really upset. I sobbed for hours after that. I didn't want to do it, I really didn't. I almost backed out many times, but... yeah. Ariana is strong though, so she'll be able to handle it pretty well. Kayla, well... it'll be interesting to see where that goes. Both of them have grown a lot in the 13 years since ‘Warehouse’ so Kayla isn’t ever going to react as she did when Ariana was shot, but she’s still Kayla and she doesn’t handle loss well at all, so…

    Haha, yep, that was it! I read that and was like; 'Yeah, you're absolutely right. Someone won't be making it out of "that night" alive' :P

    Commented on: November 24, 2014

  • Endless Wonder

    Thanks for the comment! I haven't worked on this in ages, actually. It was a side project that got pushed aside by other things unfortunately. It was also an experiment to see if I could improve my ability to write in first person, which I've never thought was one of my strong points :P It also let me indulge in a bad habit I have in which I talk directly to the audience in the narration xD It's not good at all. With this, I did it intentionally just to see what would happen. It was kind of fun actually.

    That bit about Belle comparing herself to a character in a story was almost cut. I knew I was going to break the fourth wall with this story, but that was almost too much. I liked it though so it stayed, and since Belle is already talking directly to the reader anyway... Anyway, I'm glad it captured your interest :) Thanks for reading!  

    Commented on: November 19, 2014

  • Whispers of Nowhere

    Sorry for taking ages to get back to this. I planned to read more of this last week but alas complications arose and I failed miserably :P The best laid plans, as they say. Nevertheless, let's go :) This second chapter was really good. If I had questions at the end of the first chapter, I have even more now. What are these mysterious artifacts? What exactly are Forneus and Phenex and what is their interest in Gwen and where did they take her? Lots of interesting questions.

    Gwen handled the arrival of two creepy strangers into her home much better than I would have. I admire her courage, even if she was scared. I'd have been cowering under my bed personally, but that's just me xD Forneus and Phenex seem like they'll be an interesting and fun duo. They're so different and I think their contrasting personalities will be fun to explore. Phenex especially because he seems like the 'bad' guy that people just love regardless of his attitude. I wonder why he has such a low opinion of humans?

    I thought that I said this last time, but I see by looking at my previous comment that I didn't That's what I get for leaving comments when I'm in a rush :P I end up forgetting things. Anyway, I really like the way you describe everything in this so far. I usually don't like really detailed or artsy descriptions, but you've managed to strike a really good balance and I think they're really good, so great job there.  Anyway, I'll go be quiet now as I've rambled on long enough :P Overall a great second chapter and I'm really interesting in reading more. I'll try not to take so long to get to the next chapter this time xD 

    Commented on: November 19, 2014

  • Snowfall

    Haha, yes you were caught between edits so I'm sure Snow's sudden change seems very out of place now :P I've essentially abandoned my idea of playing up Snow's naivety and have made her guilt much more prevalent instead. It really does work much better and makes Snow more sympathetic than she was before. Heh, it's funny because at work yesterday (I'm such a professional :P) I was debating whether or not I wanted to change Nikki and Clara's reaction to everything or not. While they aren't necessarily Jackson's friends (they wouldn't really have any connection with him if he and Snow weren't dating) I was thinking that at least one of them should be a bit more disapproving. I'll work on that :)

    Who's to say Sara didn't spill the beans on what was going on with Snow and herself intentionally? Sara is a master manipulator and while that hasn't really come out yet, eventually it'll be pretty clear that she knows how to get people to do what she wants. Everything she does, every move she makes is meticulously planned. She likens her life to a game of chess where she has to think several moves ahead of everyone else. In this case, she suspected they would be supportive of their relationship or at least that they would accept it even if they didn't agree with it. It was a move by Sara to push Snow towards choosing her over Jackson. She thought if Snow had support from her friends, she might be more willing to dump Jackson. Whatever Sara might have said, she's not willing to sit back and let Snow stay with Jackson.

    As for what Sara's up to, well you'll be waiting a while for that explanation I'm afraid. But just like everything else she has meticulously thought and planned it out in her figurative chess game. But that doesn't mean she's not playing against a chess grand master.

    It's always interesting to see the reactions to the bit with Ariana and Kayla. Usually the guess is an illness, but I've gotten a couple of guesses that they might be splitting up as well. It's really interesting because whichever one it isn't, assuming it's one of those two choices, wasn't even a thought in my mind at the time I wrote it and yet both of those theories do fit that scene O.o The same thing has happened with the murder suspect. I've gotten a handful of amazingly well thought out theories about who did it and the thing is, nearly all of them really could work xD All the pieces fit and I never planned that. It's really cool. Anyway, thanks for the comment :D

    Commented on: November 18, 2014

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for commenting! Lol, I hope I'm wrong too :P But I looked at his track record for the last 3 books and they've come 5 and 6 years apart. So if he keep up his track record or even if the rumors are true and he adds an 8th book... O.o

    Please, never apologize for complaining :) Complaints are actually really helpful. Besides, it's not like you said "You suck. Go die." That would be hurtful :P To be honest, I struggled a lot with this chapter. I needed Snow and Sara to have sex. I know that sounds really odd, but I needed it to happen. At first I thought about taking a lot of time to build up their relationship, but I was desperately trying to avoid the slow start that 'Warehouse' had with taking a lot of time just detailing their relationship. So I really didn't want to take that much time but I had to do something. In my mind it was sort of a situation where they're sort of thinking this might be a one-time thing for them. Neither of them are sure about the future or anything and it just sort of happens. I don't necessarily like that explanation but I was never able to come up with a better way for things to work >.< I hope it's not too weird O.o And just as a point of interest, Snow is a virgin but Sara actually isn't. There's a story there, to be sure.

    I agree that Snow's not nearly guilty enough in this. I was trying to play up Snow's naivety and show her denial about what she's done. You're right that she's seriously in denial over the severity of what she did. She knows it's bad, but she doesn't think its as bad as it really is and I was really focusing on that and ended up downplaying her guilt which was the completely wrong thing to do :P I'll definitely work on making her seem more guilty, because she really should be. Rereading it, she's not at all remorseful and doesn't seem to care about Jackson's feelings but she really does and that really needs to come through.

    Heh, yeah Ariana's really direct about things these days :P Especially with Snow. She doesn't hesitate to say things anymore. You'll just have to wait and see what if anything is going on with Ariana, but perhaps not too much longer O.o It also won't be too much longer before you can start guessing who the murderer is either. You're getting really close to a few things, I promise. And yeah... that serial killer story means something, clearly. What, exactly? Well, I can't say xD Haha, "I think someone's not going to make it out of that night alive" I'll explain later why the wording of that sentence is a funny coincidence :P

    Commented on: November 15, 2014

  • Cursed

    Okay, so the short, too long; didn't read version of this comment: I loved this chapter :P Seriously, I did. It definitely ranks among my top favorite chapters of this series. This chapter has so many of my favorite aspects of fiction. There's a lot of emotion and hints of romance, but there's also humor and awkwardness as well. It managed to interest me just as much as an action-packed chapter so well done all around on this one.  

    Janelle's section was very emotional. It was good to learn more about Alex and what happened with him. It's a very sad story and it makes me feel really bad for Janelle. I am wondering, though, if maybe there isn't more to the story. Alex did at least one halfway decent thing by Janelle and their daughter, so I can't help but wonder if there's something else going on. My suspicious mind :P It was also really sad to see Janelle's feelings about Reagan's obvious secrets. That has to be really tough for her, even though I don't agree with her when she seems to say that Reagan doesn't love her because he's hiding things. I do think he really does love her. Whatever else he may be, I believe his feelings are real. Yeah, that's right, a positive comment about Reagan. I'm capable of it xD This John person, however... him I'm immediately immensely suspicious of him. Reagan definitely reacted strangely to his appearance. Something's up with that, I'm sure.

    And on to 256's part now. Without a doubt, my favorite part of this chapter. His talk with Carey was so adorably sweet and awkwardly cute. Carey's offer to abandon the rebellion and return to the Council with 256 was sweet and really pulled at the heartstrings. And the kiss... What can I say? Been waiting a while for that :P

    The only nitpicky thing that I have, and I'll say here that I didn't even think about this while I was reading the chapter but it just occurred to me as I was preparing my thoughts on this chapter and I really hate to even mention it, was that 256's decision at the end seemed a little... sudden. He's been pretty dedicated to holding on to his few remaining ties to the Gifted and I was surprised that he abandoned everything so quickly. Of course, he had just kissed a pretty girl so I imagine that could have had something to do with spurring him on xD I'm not saying I'm upset about it, mind you. I'm really glad he's turned this corner and I couldn't be prouder of him. Like I said, when I was reading the chapter I was too busy cheering him on to think about it :P

    Anyway, I've blabbered on long enough so I'll shut up xD Overall, a really good chapter. I've got a feeling that something really big is about to happen soon and I'm really worried for the future of my favorite group of rebels.

    Commented on: November 15, 2014

  • Snowfall

    Hey, thanks for the comment. I'm glad you feel sorry for Clara. I keep expecting people to be like "Well, if she feels so bad about it then she should turn herself in!" but so far that hasn't happened. She does need to tell someone other than Snow, I think that would help her. It might take her a while to realize that though :P It's good you find Clara changing herself to fit in and Mary's refusal to go to the police realistic. I was a bit worried about both of those bits when I wrote them, particularly the part with Mary. Poor girl really could use a hug.

    Well, Sara's not exactly appearing to be the most trustworthy person, is she? She's obviously up to something, but it's not clear what she's doing or if it's for good or for evil. So, I can understand anyone not trusting her right now. And I'm not saying you'll trust her or like her more in the future either. But then I'm not saying you won't either xD With Snow's feelings about Sara, yeah that doesn't exactly read the way I meant it to. My intention was to say that while she's fully aware of how she feels, she's not yet willing to embrace it. She's trying to resist what she feels for Sara. Reading it again, it doesn't sound that way at all. I'll work on that. Thanks for pointing that out :)

    Honestly, I hate love triangles too :P I took a calculated risk with this one and I think, in the long run, it will pay off. I hope O.o But yeah, Jackson definitely deserves some pity. I mean, even if Snow and Sara never act on anything, his girlfriend is still in love with someone else. That's a bad place to be no matter what. Hmm... if I say that's the thing would that be a spoiler? Probably, so I will neither confirm nor deny just in case xD However, it's a perfectly logical guess since I did say there would be a clue in this chapter and illnesses like that do run in Ariana's family :P


     

    Commented on: November 14, 2014

  • Cursed

    I apologize in advance if I say something stupid or this comment makes no sense. I got very little sleep last night and I'm really high on cough syrup, which is proving to be a bad combination. Nevertheless, here we go.

    I felt really bad for Carey when she was trying to get 256 to talk to her. I just wanted to give him a shake and say "Talk to her, you fool!" :P Still, leaving the Gifted has been really hard on him so I suppose that earns him a reprieve even if he has been really rude to my girl. Watching 256 begin to slowly integrate with the group, even though he does still think of himself as one of the Gifted, is really interesting. It was really intriguing that he found freedom in something so simple writing letters. I liked that because even though most people take something like that for granted, it's new and exciting for him. It's also funny because he's defying the Gifted just by learning.

    I liked Thomas's teaching methods too. He did a much better job than I could've done. I wouldn't even know where to start. To be honest, I can't really even remember learning. Either way, his methods made sense to me. Maybe Thomas could be a teacher once the war is over. Oooh, 256 is left handed? Me too! #LeftiesUnite xD

    For Janelle's part, it was funny with her thinking the Other Worlders would be really sophisticated and then Hahana comes in :P Hahana continues to be a delightful addition to the cast, even if I still don't completely believe her and Maui's story. Anyway, there was a lot of interesting information gleaned during their conversation. 

    I'm glad to see Janelle is actively seeking information about forms of government. It's never too early to plan ahead. Janelle's plan to raid the Council is worrying me, I'll admit. There are so many things that could go wrong, but I am glad that she's trusting her instincts. She's the 'fearless leader' after all :P I'm glad Marvin's death seems to be making her stronger and more confident. She's using that as a source of strength. Her plan does raise the interesting question of what would 256 do if he found himself back at the Council. I'm curious if his newfound freedom would be enough to keep him from going back.

    Lol Julia xD That's funny! Anyway, I'm going to shut up now before I say something really confusing or stupid (if I haven't done so already) Overall, I really liked this chapter. It gave me some things to think (and worry) about. Good job :)

     

    Commented on: November 12, 2014

  • Black Allure:The Beginning

    A very interesting and solid second chapter! Sorry for taking so long to get back to reading this. This last week has been... weird. Anyway, back on topic. It was very nice to get descriptions of the characters in this chapter. I was glad to get a mental picture of them.

    Sylvia and her friends seem interesting. The strange feeling she gets from Arnel must have something to do with her having half of his powers. A warning, perhaps, to stay far, far away from him? She really should :P Anira might just be my favorite character. She seems sweet and I really hope we learn more about her.

    And that ending! Quite the cliffhanger :P Arnel's creeping! I'm excited to see how that turns out. I'll be sure to read more soon.

    Commented on: November 6, 2014

  • Snowfall

    Haha, nothing wrong with brain dead comments. Sometimes they're the best :P Or sleepy comments either for that matter. Drunk comments however I'll have to get back to you on xD

    It's so hard to talk about this story because there's more than meets the eye to pretty much everything that happens, especially this early on and I can't say a word about any of it. Let's say that there's a lot going on in that scene with Sara, Mary, Michael, and Emily that maybe isn't readily apparent. I am glad you found the scene creepy though as that's what I was aiming for. As for Sara, yeah she really did tempt fate in this chapter and we all know what a fickle witch fate can be... xD Still, I'm not saying anything.

    Michael would be a very obvious suspect should Sara die, but he does have a powerful motive and he appears to be an awful enough person to kill someone. Either way, he's up to something even if I can't talk about it :P

    Yeah, Sophia will be investigating the murder so she'll have a decent sized role to play. I consider her to be a guest star POV character :P She doesn't get whole chapters from her perspective, but she will occasionally get her moments. It's interesting about her last name because I wasn't sure whether to change it or have her keep it. Naturally I did what any person would do in today's world when they don't know something. I turned to the Internet for help. It seemed like some people kept their names while others changed it in order to feel more included in their new family. Some people occasionally even hyphenate it their names in that situation. In the end I figured Sophia would want to feel like she belonged a bit more and have her name changed. Wow, I've just realized that I can't remember ever giving Sophia and her dad Mike a last name :P I don't think I ever mentioned their last name at any point. I really should go back and fix that...

     

    Commented on: November 6, 2014

  • Whispers of Nowhere

    It's amazing what you managed to do in less than five hundred words. You've managed to make me want to press the 'next chapter' button even though I know almost nothing about this story or what in the world is happening. That's a feat in and of itself because I usually need a bit more to pull me in, but somehow there's just enough here to make me what to read more, so good job there.

    I'm very interested in finding out what Forneus is doing and why he's watching this little girl. Clearly, she must be important but why? There's plenty of questions and I'll be sure to read further :D

    Commented on: October 29, 2014

  • Black Allure:The Beginning

    Very interesting. It's not at all what I expected based upon the summary. It's fantasy, but with a bit of a sci-fi twist thrown in. Its a nice mix and I like it. This opening chapter does a good job of setting up the story and it served its purpose of keeping me interested and making me want to read further. Also, I commend you for writing in first person. I'm really terrible at that, so I'm always proud of anyone willing to go that route.

    I'm looking forward to see where this story goes. The only real critique I have at the moment is that I kind of wish the descriptions of the characters had been included in this chapter just to help with visualization. Other than that, a solid first chapter. I look forward to reading more :)

    Commented on: October 29, 2014

  • Snowfall

    Hmm, if you think Michael is creepy now... well, I'm not saying anything at all. Let's just say lots of fun should be had at the party. I'm sure it will be a night to remember and that absolutely nothing will go wrong. Nope... nothing whatsoever :P

    It's definitely a self-esteem issue for Mary. She only sees the negative aspects of herself and absolutely none of the positives. She isn't built like Sara or Snow or Emily and that's all she can see. No one has ever shown any real interest in her and she's never learned to I guess love herself. She's really hard on herself, too hard in fact. She needs to gain some self-confidence and she'll get some opportunities to do that later on. But I agree, I do love that hair/eye color combo xD

    Haha, Sara really is arrogant. She'd call it confident, though :P She's very sure of herself and she's positive no one is going to outsmart her. She's very strategic. She's almost playing a game of chess, trying to think several moves ahead of her opponent. She's definitely poking her nose into things best left alone and that's never a good thing, but she is pretty smart so... who knows?

    Ack, I've just realized I never mentioned that Jacob doesn't still live at home with Sara. He has his own place so Sara's left alone with her parents and doesn't get to see him as often. I need to add that in :P But yeah, she lives alone with two people that she really hates so her home life is pretty miserable.

    Yeah, one of Kayla's friends was named Nikki. This Nikki started out as a placeholder name until I came up with something else but I never did. So, alas, Nikki she remained :P Thanks for commenting!

    Commented on: October 16, 2014

  • Snowfall

    Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you liked Clara and I hope the rest of the new cast turn out to be equally as interesting. I'm working with a positively massive cast (compared to Warehouse, which technically isn't saying all that much :P) and I want to make sure that they all have their own distinct personalities. For Clara though, I'm glad she's likeable even if she did do something immensely stupid. Jacob... I'm not sure yet if his condition is permanent or not. I don't really have an important role for him to play yet, so we'll have to wait and see.

    You're right about Brad, he's definitely going to be important later on. He may even wind up being a POV character at some point, although I'm not quite sure yet. Along with the larger cast came a larger group of POV characters so I want to make sure I have a few male ones this time around. I'm sure I'll end up regretting that because I'm terrible at writing guys, but oh well :P And as to your Guide theory... well, I wouldn't dismiss any theory right away. Anything's possible.

    Snow knows the whole story about Adrian. I wanted to work that in somewhere that she knew already, but it never fit anywhere. He wouldn't be a topic they would talk about all that much, so it felt weird to have it in there. I'd still like to have him mentioned though. Hmm... I'll have to give it some more thought. And Snow calling them both mom, yeah I wasn't really sure about that. I don't know anyone with two moms either so I didn't know how that would work. I'll look into that too. Of course, I'd need to figure out which one of them would be 'Mom' and which would be 'Mama' :P

    Snow coming off as being perfect was done intentionally, so I'm glad you find her to be that way. Right now, her life is pretty perfect. She's never faced any real adversity or challenges and Kayla and Ariana have sheltered her from the world quite a bit as well. Over the course of the story, her perfect world will slowly start to fall down around her and her perfect image will begin to break down and we'll start to see a lot more of her flaws. That's actually where the title Snowfall comes from. It's not about the weather condition, but instead the steady breakdown of the character.

    Lol, I've been waiting to use that line! I thought about awhile ago, but haven't had the opportunity to use it. As soon as I could, I knew I had to. With a name like Snow, it was too perfect not to toss that in there xD

     

    Commented on: October 10, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Haha, yeah it's only been a year. That was kind of the plan, actually. My working title was 'A Year in the Life' because the story was to take place over the course of one year, beginning and ending on the same date. These girls had a busy year xD

    I'm glad you liked the romance aspect of the story. At its core, that's what 'Warehouse' is, really. It's a love story and if their relationship wasn't believable, that would be pretty bad :P So, any time anyone approves of the romantic part I feel pretty good. I do still think the beginning moves a bit too fast, but despite a handful of attempts to change those early chapters, nothing ever came of it that I liked. So, it will likely stay as it is unless I get in a really creative mood :P

    The final scene has been around for a really long time. That's yet another reason why I'm glad I let both of them live because I got to keep my ending. I wanted to throw back to the last few lines of the first chapter and that only works if both Kayla and Ariana are alive. And yeah, it's also a happy ending which would have felt a bit off if either or both of the girls had died. I did consider, briefly, having that last scene from Snow's POV. She gets POV scenes in sequel, so I thought it would be a good time to transition to that, but... eh, I changed my mind. I started with Kayla and so I ended with her as well. 

    It's interesting about titular because over here they sound exactly the same :P Well, at least they do here. We've got dozens of accents all over the country, so who knows what it sounds like anywhere else xD It wouldn't surprise me at all if we're saying it wrong over here in America. We have a tendency to make the English language much more difficult that it needs to be :P

    There will absolutely be more about the supernatural bits in the sequel and maybe some new supernatural stuff as well O.o The sequel is definitely a change of pace from this one and the supernatural will eventually play a larger and more lengthy role than it has before.

    Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting :D Glad you enjoyed it and I'm looking forward to hearing what you think about the sequel.

    Commented on: October 5, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Yeah, I definitely wasn't aiming for Cooper to appear as though he thinks of Alana as a consolation prize :P I was trying to focus so much on the two of them that I neglected Alana completely. That wasn't the plan at all. My thought at the time was more that Cooper knows he won't see Ariana again for a very long time, possibly forever, and he's trying to make sure she understands exactly how he felt and the reasons why he never said anything to her. Rereading it though, it really does make him sound like he didn't really care all that much for Alana and that's not good. I'll definitely be adding this to my list of changes that I need to make :)

    As for the name of Cooper's bookstore, it was named after a local bookstore called Manhattan Books. Of course Manhattan is a borough, not the whole city, so... yeah, not the best idea :P I might change it to Westside Books or maybe Rivertown Books. Those are both areas of Detroit that are extremely close to where I envisioned the store being anyway and close to the spot I picked out for the warehouse so that would work great and sound much better.

    And by the way, I don't think you're complaining at all. You're pointing out flaws or things that sound weird and that's always helpful so thanks! :D 

    Commented on: October 5, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Thanks for commenting! Kayla survived only just by the skin of her teeth. Since Ariana survived her gunshot wound I never thought I would kill either of them but as this chapter got closer and closer, I did give serious thought to letting Kayla die. Had I not had an idea for the sequel that needed her to be alive, well, she probably wouldn't be. As for Ariana, she was pretty safe even if I did have this wild idea to let both of them die and tell the last couple of chapters from Snow's POV. However, when I proposed this idea to a friend, she said and I quote: 'Are you stupid? That's the most retarded idea you've ever had. Don't do that.' Clearly, I didn't do that :P

    Kayla's growth is often overshadowed by Ariana's, for obvious reasons. But yeah, she's come a long way since Ariana was shot and that growth will play a pretty significant role in the Kayla's part of the sequel. Anyway, I'm really glad you enjoyed the girls' development. It was one of the main points of this whole thing, essentially taking two people and having what is broken in one of them be whole in the other and them slowly finding a way to heal each other.

    The supernatural stuff. This is the part I'm extremely nervous about whenever someone reads this chapter, because if the supernatural bits don't make any sense then the whole thing sort of falls apart. The whole idea came about due to a debate I had with some friends about why we exist. Is there a God? What's the meaning of life? That sort of thing. Yeah, we talk about stuff like that a bit too much actually xD I'm glad you still have questions about Fate and Destiny. I tried to explain the supernatural stuff but still leave a few unanswered questions as well. I'm not sure I'll ever reveal everything about them since I'm of the opinion that the best mysteries are never fully solved, but I imagine we'll see them again someday even if it isn't any time soon. 

    Originally, Kayla was going to be done as well as Ariana. That's the idea I had that saved her :P Snow's just three, so she has all sorts of things she has to do and I'll say only that Kayla is involved with that somehow.

    I actually agree with you that this chapter should be split up. I think it's either the third or fourth longest of the whole thing and it really does take away a lot of the emotional impact of Cooper's death having him pop back into the story so quickly. I already want to split 26 and 27 definitely and maybe 11. 43 is going to be merged with 44 and those flashbacks removed so I'll add this one to the list when I go back to make those changes. I'm thinking of doing the split at the break when I switch from Kayla's POV to Ariana's because I don't want to break up the conversation about the supernatural stuff and make an already potentially confusing explanation that much more confusing xD

    Commented on: October 2, 2014

  • Cursed

    Another new chapter already! You sure know how to spoil a girl :P I was so glad to see most of the gang back together again, even if things are a little awkward between some of them. I really didn't expect them to meet up again so quickly, so it was a very nice surprise.

    It was pretty funny when 256 was confused by Samantha. Like Carey, I wonder how long it will take him to figure that out. He's also acting quite strange around Carey. I'd been hoping seeing her again might cheer him up a bit, but it seems to have made things worse for the poor guy.

    As for Janelle's portion, it was really sad to see her feelings on Marvin's death. I actually kind of like that you waited until this chapter to show that. She's had some time to process her emotions somewhat before we start to see what she's feeling. I must say I'm really proud of her. I was worried she would break down like she did after the battle at the Lake Village. It's nice to see how much she's grown since then. She has a strength now that she didn't have back then and maybe Marvin's death will even make her stronger because, as she said, she won't have him to go to for advice anymore. She's soldiering on even though I'm sure she'd rather just lie down and cry. I really think she's be okay.

    Since Reagan's secret was revealed I find him shockingly less creepy than I did before. Even his relationship with Janelle is quite nice. I'm still not saying I'd bring him around my apartment for dinner or anything :P Just that I'm starting to warm to him a little bit. Admittedly, in books like these this is around the time I end up getting my heart broken, but well, here we are xD 

    Oh yeah: "Are you sure you’re not secretly Gifted" I loved that :P

    Commented on: September 28, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    So yeah, this chapter. I wanted to go so many different directions with this one and when I sat down to write it I had no idea which way to go :P I knew that, regardless of what else happened, we would be losing some characters. People were going to die in this chapter and absolutely no one was safe. I actually intentionally left the ending rather vague so I could kill any or all of them in the next chapter if I chose to. I'm glad it was emotional for you. Sorry I made you cry, but I was absolutely sobbing the whole time I was writing. I get a little too invested sometimes xD.

    Since you're so certain about Cooper, then it's hardly a spoiler to say that yes, he is dead. He's been one of my favorite characters since his introduction and I really feel like I underused him. He didn't get a lot of page time in this and I wish I'd given him more. I'm glad it was unexpected, though. It's been planned for a really long time. No matter what else happened, Cooper was doomed in this chapter. He was out no matter what unfortunately :(

    As for Tricia, yeah I didn't expect anyone to remember her. She was mentioned literally once before this back in chapter 12 so if anyone did I would be very surprised :P And yeah, so many things are connected in this. Threads from a long time ago are just now paying off.

    Yeah, everyone thinks Kayla's personal backstory ended when Dwayne died. So far, no one's ever mentioned that they thought something like that might pop up again for her. I'm really happy you felt sorry for Tricia, even though she did these terrible things. I was aiming for that. She was meant to be an Anti-Kayla, an alternate version of what Kayla did to Dwayne and his brother. Tricia felt just as justified as Kayla did when she killed all those people.

    As for Kayla's attempt to talk Tricia down, that was done somewhat intentionally. Kayla has always been bad with words. She's... blunt. She didn't know what to say, so she just said the first thing that came to her mind even though it wasn't all that smart. She just knew she had to say something to try and stop this girl, especially once Ariana came in.

    Commented on: September 27, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Haha, yes the mood whiplashes! I can't get enough of those. It was obviously this, and the next chapter, that was going to take place during the wedding. Since you've already read the next one I can say that it clearly could have been my own Red Wedding :P It's a pretty straight shot through to the end from this point. If I'd pushed the bad thing happening back any further and I'd never have been able to squeeze everything in :)

    I actually had to go back and re-read this chapter (It's been a while since I wrote it) to remember exactly what Penny says to Byron. My intention was to say that Penny understands why Byron did what he did, but doesn't necessarily forgive him for it yet. Reading it back, I agree that it doesn't come off that way at all. I really should change that. Whether or not she fully forgives him by the end is somewhat open to interpretation. I don't ever officially say whether or not they manage to heal their relationship.

    And please, you're definitely not annoying :D I'm always happy to hear any and all opinions and views and each is just as valid as the next. So don't ever hold back any criticisms. I need to hear them because they really help me improve. Thanks for commenting!

    Commented on: September 27, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you liked this one because it's one of my favorites. I'll admit to anyone that I'm a hopeless romantic and I always love a good wedding. That's the main reason why I decided against my own version of the Red Wedding :P I really wanted them to have their day. For a lot of girls, their wedding is something they've been looking forward to since they were little. I wanted to let them have that special time. I figured I could always destroy their lives the day after or something xD

    I did feel a little bad about giving that necklace to Ariana instead of Alana. She doesn't need to know about that. Shhhh! :P That whole scene was a late addition, actually. I can't exactly explain quite yet why I added it. There's a reason, but it would be a spoiler to talk about it. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it :) Coop's not anything like my brother either. Mine doesn't have a sentimental bone in his body :P Don't tell him I said that.

    With Kayla's dad, I originally had him walking in at some point during the wedding and sitting down in the back. I ended up changing it to this way, knowing it would be cliché but I liked it too much to care xD 

    As for their vows... there's a kind of funny story there because I too have difficult with romantic scenes sometimes. Both of their vows were pieced together by me and my best friend sitting up on the roof of my building and acting that scene out. We recorded everything we said and then took the best parts and constructed their vows. It definitely helps with realism, being able to play off the reactions of another person. We've actually done that a couple of times. It helps me when I'm stuck on a scene :P

    Penny wasn't sure what to say because I wasn't sure what to say xD I got to that part was like huh... how would this go exactly? I had to do some Googling to find alternatives and then figured it'd be funny to toss my own confusion in there :P

    Commented on: September 24, 2014

  • Cursed

    Yay, I'm glad you switched back to Carey's POV. I've been waiting for this one :P Our Mr. Reagan is just full of surprises, isn't he? How could he have learned to control his powers? Why was he so insistent that he and Carey are different? So many questions! This is one of those times when finding out the truth just creates that many more mysteries to discover. Hmm... I'm assuming the story he told Carey about his powers manifesting was the time the Gifted attacked his home? I can't go back and double check the details, but it would make sense.

    One thing that interested me was that both times Reagan said 'she' would hate him. He never once specifically said he was talking about Janelle (who, admittedly, was the first person I thought of) I can't help but wonder if he was talking about someone else. And if he was... then who?

    As for 256 and Thomas, their conversation was equally interesting. I was very happy to see 256 has found a purpose in teaching Thomas to control his powers. That will be good for both of them. Thomas, meanwhile, made an excellent point. The world isn't spilt into rebels and Gifted (Yes, I just sort of quoted Sirius Black right there :P) 256 doesn't have to be a rebel or one of the Gifted if he doesn't want to be. Especially once he learns to read and write, the world will be open to him. Although oddly enough, his desire to learn to those things is an open act of rebellion against the Gifted since they don't allow it.

    Anyway, overall a really good chapter that answered some questions and brought in a whole host of new ones. I'm interested to see 256's continued growth and development now that he's free of the Gifted, and of course finding out more about Reagan. He *may* not be a traitor or a spy, but he still has plenty of secrets that will definitely be exciting to learn.

    Commented on: September 23, 2014

  • Cursed

    I swore to myself I wouldn't comment on anything after midnight anymore as I usually can't string together an coherent thoughts, but after this chapter I doubt I'd be able to even if it wasn't after 2am :P I literally have no words right now. I just... gosh, I didn't expect to feel this lost. I'm really upset right now. Well, at least now I know why The Winds of Winter is taking so long. You're clearly George R. R. Martin in disguise :P 

    Poor Marvin. He's been around pretty much since the beginning. I've always thought of him as the wise, old mentor of this series. He's been a leader and a founding member of the revolution. He was Janelle's advisor and moral compass in a way. This was a major loss for the rebellion. I'm interested to see how Janelle handles the loss of her mentor and one of her oldest friends. 

    Despite Marvin's death bringing me to tears, it was, writing wise, an excellent decision. You're clearly not afraid to kill off important characters, which I'm always happy to see. This is a war story in a way and in war people die, so losing main characters like that definitely adds a layer of realism that's really good. That, of course, terrifies me for the rest of the cast but still it's good writing. Janelle's reaction to Marvin's death and her subsequent refusal to just leave his body behind felt very realistic and believable.

    As usual, I really enjoyed the fighting scenes. You're really good at those, a skill I'm immensely jealous of because I don't think I am :P As for 256, it was good to see him finally beginning to distance himself from the Gifted. He hasn't fully come to terms with his new life, but he's clearly realizing he can never go back to the Gifted.

    Anyway, that's it from me for tonight/this morning... whatever. I'm going to bed. Overall, this was a very emotional chapter and one of my favorites so far even though it really upset me :P Oh, and I've finally caught up! Yay, that's a first! If there's anything else of yours you'd like me to read in the meantime, just let me know.

    Commented on: September 20, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Procrastinators unite... tomorrow! :P As always, no worries about taking a while. It's not going anywhere :)

    Kayla's dad was an extremely late introduction into this. I had no intentions of him showing up until I got to the end of this chapter, so it feels a little rushed to me but oh well :P The thing with her dad is that so far he's only been shown from the point of view of Kayla and Penny, both of whom have reasons to think of him in a very negative light. Personally, I don't think of him as a bad guy, just someone who made some really bad choices. Does he regret them? Is he sorry? Well... you'll have to wait and see :P

    I'm glad you liked Kayla's fears about getting married. I was a bit worried about that (Kayla's fears, not getting married XD) I wasn't entirely sure how she would feel about it all, so I hope it's believable.

    I did give serious thought to going full on Red Wedding on them in the next chapter :P Did I do it? I don't want to say. It would spoil a turn of events I hope no one's expecting.

    Commented on: September 18, 2014

  • Cursed

    I have no idea why I laughed as much as I did at your note at the beginning. My first thought was that the Leader's Gift is the Gift of Sex Change and giggling ensued. I digress :P Anyway, that's a pretty interesting change and I'm very curious as to why. I don't envy you having to go back and change all of the Leader's past appearances. That can't have been fun.

    Anyway, moving on, 256's part was very interesting. You really managed to show just how much knowledge the Gifted suppress in order to keep the masses in line with 256 not knowing what a liver was or even how to make his own food as the Servants do it all for them. The Gifted are so rigidly structured that they don't seem to be able to operate very well at all once that structure is removed. It's interesting to think about what would happen to them should Janelle's rebellion overthrow the Gifted regime. Doubtless there would be Gifted still alive afterwards. I wonder how they would react to suddenly finding themselves structureless?

    I must say that 256 and Janelle are perfectly awkward around each other. They both seem just the right level of uncomfortable with each other. The sandwich scene was cute :P I'm glad 256 sort of learned a new skill. I do hope, with time, he'll come to see he can have a purpose beyond the Gifted. I'll admit I expected the Gifted would come looking for them before long. I'm not really sure how they'll get out of this one, but it's sure to be exciting!

    Meanwhile, back with Carey, things got really interesting really fast :P Reagan! That sneaky bastard! Just when I started thinking he wasn't Gifted (and yet still very suspicious) I find out he most certainly is Gifted and a Gift of Stealth as well. Now it all makes sense! He could see Carey that day in the woods when he and Janelle were kissing. So... he's Gifted, I know that now. But is he a spy? Is he working for the Gifted? He's obviously keeping secrets from Team Janelle, but that doesn't automatically make him an evil, lecherous tool bag.

    Despite lying and being generally suspicious, he hasn't technically (as far as I know) done anything to harm the rebels, again unless he's working as a deeply embedded spy. And if he is a spy, he's clearly not a very good one. He got caught. Geez, I could go on and on with this for hours. Oh, how I love a good mystery! I don't think a book series had made me think this much since I was reading Harry Potter.

    Climbing out of my box of theories for a moment, it was interesting that Reagan turned out to be a rare Gift instead of one of the common ones. I didn't expect that. I suppose it does take away a bit of Carey's uniqueness given that up until now we haven't seen any other people with rare Gifts. Still, I like that she's not the only one now. Assuming he's not working against the rebels, the revelation of Reagan's powers will be sure to change the dynamic of the team.

    Hahana and Maui need a mention as well. While I still continue to really like them more and more each chapter, something about them continues to trouble me. It's interesting that they're basically newbies and have been sent on a mission that could very well save their nation. That's like sending a solider straight out of basic training to command a battle that could end a war. Hahana's explanation makes sense. It's a perfectly logical reason for them to be chosen, but something about all of this makes me nervous. I still think they could be hiding something.

    Anyway, overall a very good chapter. I get the feeling things are going to change quite significantly now. I'm looking forward to finding out more about Reagan and seeing if Janelle and the others make a clean getaway from the Gifted.

     

    Commented on: September 15, 2014

  • Cursed

    Oh my... that dream was all kinds of creepy. Very well done with the dream sequence, playing off of 256's belief that his parents must hate him because he's Gifted. It was a really interesting way to show that. Also, a nice and happy 805 is entirely too weird :P It was also interesting that Thomas has dreams about water too. Hmm... now I'm curious if the other Gifts have the same sort of dreams.

    I've never had to explain what a brothel is to someone, but I can easily understand Carey's... hesitance to do so :P That would be awkward. I like the way you described her wonderment at learning a new language. I don't know any other languages myself but I can see how to someone like Carey, who never knew such a thing existed, would be amazed by it. Oh, out of simple curiosity, what inspired the names of Zeia and Tarantis? I always like to know what people are thinking when they create names for fictional countries/towns/etc... I really don't know why :P 

    And Reagan's being suspicious again xD Why was he afraid when he learned Hahana and Maui were from the Other Worlds. Is he, perhaps, from the Other Worlds as well? Hmm... it's all quite curious indeed. Also, what could he have said to Samantha? I do not know, but he's one thought-provoking character.

    Anyway, overall this was one of my favorite chapters. I can't exactly say why, but it was. Nonetheless, I enjoyed it! I'm hoping to read another one today, but given how I swear this website hates me sometimes I may not get to comment on it. It took me forever to reply to your comment yesterday and this is my third attempt to post this one. Hopefully it works this time *fingers crossed*

    Commented on: September 12, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Haha, yeah Mistbrook Falls is a pretty creepy name for an equally creepy town. I spent more time than I should have coming up with that name :P It’s an old town, established well before the American Civil War. All the buildings are built in the style of that era, so it has an innate creepiness that comes out more once we start spending more time there. At the moment, though, there isn’t really anything too grim happening there. Of course, that doesn’t mean something sinister couldn’t spring up in the future, right?

    Ariana just wanted to spread his ashes somewhere peaceful as she has no idea what places meant something to him. I really should have mentioned how Ariana found Mistbrook Falls, though. I’m glad you pointed that out. The town itself was a late addition (originally I had them staying at the warehouse pretty much permanently but a small town setting worked better for various future plot points) and never really gave much thought to how Ariana might have heard of it. I’ll need to change that. Coop does say he knows about a restaurant there so I suppose he’ll be the one to tell her about it.

    As for Kayla writing the book, I suppose I technically broke the fourth wall there just a little bit :P I break it a lot later on simply for the sake of a joke, but I found it funny so I did it anyway :) And why can’t they be happy for once? Something terrible doesn’t have to happen, right? This story could just wind down nicely with everyone happy and healthy… right? Although, there is a wedding coming up soon. Hmm… maybe I should instruct the band to play a rousing chorus of The Rains of Castamere? XD

    Commented on: September 11, 2014

  • Cursed

    I love Maui and Hahana already! They're both great additions to the cast. They fit in well even though they're so different. They add a good deal of humor too, which I always like. I couldn't help but laugh at the mental image of Samantha's face when Hahana was pledging herself to her :P And of course her 'you'll do' reaction to Carey.

    Maui's quite interesting as well. He's clearly very different from Hahana. He seems more... fun, I guess is the word. Relaxed, actually works a bit better. Hahana's clearly the more mission-focused of the two of them. Maui also seems to have a little crush on Sam :P

    Ah, they need a Gift of Earth to take back with them. I wasn't expecting that! It would definitely be a good way to fund one's country, having someone that could create diamonds on demand. It's too bad they don't know the Gifted very well. It's interesting that Hahana thought they could just pop on over to the Council and politely a Gift of Earth for help. That also reinforces my theory that the Gifted weren't always evil, egotistical tool bags xD

    So, Hahana's mother was from the island. I wonder if she was Gifted? I'm also curious how she managed to get off the island. Clearly there's a story there and whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be interesting.

    I do agree with Sam, somewhat, on the subject of asking Hahana and Maui to help them. While I do like both of them, I don't exactly trust anything they say. They could easily be lying about everything. In fact, I would be quite surprised if they weren't at the very least leaving out a detail or two about what they're doing on the island.

    As for Janelle's portion, it was very clever of her to tell 256 about Amy. Obviously she couldn't know that he was once thinking about how his parents wouldn't remember him or want anything to do with him, but by telling him that she's shown him that his preconceived notions about that might not be entirely correct. Having Thomas around seems like it would be good for 256 as well seeing as he's Gifted too. Hopefully they'll be able to slowly help him feel better about leaving the Gifted and gain his trust.

    Anyway, I do believe I've rambled on too long as it is so I'll hush :P Overall, this was a very good chapter. Hahana and Maui are very nice additions to an already great cast and I can't wait to learn more about them.  

    Commented on: September 8, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Haha, no that song isn't a made up one. I'm not nearly that creative :P In the Pines (which is also known by a couple other titles) is an American folk song written sometime in the late 1800s. It's been recorded and re-recorded a bunch of times and the lyrics aren't always the same either. Nirvana even did their own rendition of it. If you want to hear the version I used just Youtube 'In the pines walking dead'. It's a very obscure song, so I don't actually expect anybody to recognize it xD

    As for Adrian... he definitely realizes that he hurt her, but no he still doesn't think what he did was wrong. I did consider letting him remain evil to the end because I didn't want there to be any sense of redemption for him (and, as you say, it would have been so easy to do :P) Redeeming him in any way just felt really wrong. But I did think he would feel something at least a little bit fatherly towards her in that moment. I think, in his own really twisted way, he does love her and he is proud of who she's become.

    Ariana's reaction was a last second idea that came to me as I was writing the chapter :P Originally, she was going to be pretty devastated about it. Given that she's always said that he's her dad and she still loves him I just figured that's how she react. But the idea that she would really just be more relieved than anything because she knows that she and her daughter are safe seemed to work so much better. I'm really glad it was realistic because I'm always a little worried that it's somewhat out of character for her.

    Commented on: September 7, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    I'm really glad you like this one. This chapter is one of my favorites, although when I was writing it I was terrified that I was going to mess it up :P This chapter really had to work out. It's the payoff to Ariana having a daughter, something that was hinted at back in chapter 13, so yeah that was pretty scary. It was Snow, actually, that scared me so much. I discovered that I'm truly horrible at writing children. Like you say, kids often end up seeming older than they're supposed to be and Snow was the same way at first. It took longer than I care to admit to get her acting and sounding her age xD

    I'm glad Ariana's reactions were realistic. She actually came together pretty easily. I knew pretty much how I wanted her to react and it flowed really easily. Fun fact about the unicorn; when I was a little kid I actually had a toy unicorn that I named Mikayla. I have no idea where I got that name from, but yeah I sure did. Naturally, I had to slip that in xD And no, Kayla herself is not named after said toy unicorn :P

    Snow really does come off as the perfect daughter. I think that's partly due to the difficulty I had in writing her, but I rationalize it by saying that she's on her best behavior since she's meeting her mom for the first time. I imagine she's like every other two year old otherwise. (A holy terror if my nephew is any indication :P)

    As for Adrian, yeah it's a bit disappointing. I don't want to spoil their meeting by saying too much so I'll say that at the very least there will be some closure to that part of Ariana's storyline that I couldn't see happening if he had lived :) 

     

     

    Commented on: September 5, 2014

  • Cursed

    Lol, well good luck on your test! :D Try not to fall asleep during that lecture :P

    Commented on: September 4, 2014

  • Cursed

    Blessedly, I'm finally headed home and back to my normal schedule, so I'll be able to read things again! I'm posting this from a plane that's got pretty unreliable wi-fi, so hopefully this works and this comment posts :P Anyway, wow! That was unexpected! Pretty clearly these two new arrivals are from the Other Worlds. I wonder if they have anything to do with the group of rebels Wesley joined? I don't know. Somehow, I think they don't really have any interest in the Gifted/Rebel war but instead have their own agenda... so much mystery! I love it! My theories are already running on overdrive after this chapter :P

    I'm curious as to why they're looking for Gifted people and also why they call them Cursed. It seems 256 was onto something when he said that. Maybe these Otherworlders know more about the history of the island than its own residents do. Of course if that's the case and they really are Cursed instead of Gifted (and we could easily just be talking semantics here) then who cursed them and why? And then of course there are the strange weapons. Perhaps there's some link between Samantha's dagger and their weapons.

    It was interesting that Carey and Sam knew nothing of other languages. I'd never thought about that before actually, but it makes perfect sense. Anyway, I'm going to keep this comment short due to the aforementioned unreliable wi-fi. This chapter was very well written and it really took the story in a direction I never expected. Well done. I'm really excited to see what comes next.

    Commented on: September 4, 2014

  • Cursed

    Another good chapter! Again, I don't see any problem with this one. Not too much happened, I suppose, but it was written very well. I especially enjoyed 256's portion. Poor guy. I felt really sorry for him now that he's 'captured' by the rebels. I liked the way he slowly realizes throughout the scene the full weight of what he did. His part ended with him in a really dark place. I hope Janelle can manage to help him. Hmm... I bet she wishes she hadn't sent Carey away right now :P

    Janelle's part was short, but interesting. I liked the way she wanted to make 256 more comfortable and get him to trust them. She even patched his uniform. Perhaps, with time, he'll be able to see how much better his life could be away from the Gifted. It was also nice to see Janelle's desire to learn more about the Gifted's society. They are still human underneath all of the brainwashing. If only there was some way to break that. Even if there's not, it's obviously always better to understand all the facets of your enemy.

    Okay, so don't tick Samantha off :P Reagan, it appears, touched a very sensitive nerve. Reagan earned a little bit of... I don't want to say 'trust'... I suppose I like him a bit more since he tried to get Carey and Sam to forgive Janelle. I'm glad to see Carey has let go of her anger at Janelle and instead is focused on 256 recovering. Keep hope alive, Carey. Keep hope alive.

    As always, it's good (and sad) to see Samantha's softer side. Poor girl's having a tough time and something tells me she's not just crying about Thomas right now. I think she needs to open up to someone before she cracks under the weight of everything she's dealing with.

     

    Commented on: August 30, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    I'm glad you liked Ariana's reaction to learning about Snow. I'm always a little worried about that part. I wasn't entirely sure how she would respond, so I'm glad its okay and seems natural. As for Snow, it was a lot of fun figuring out what kind of personality she would have. While she doesn't really play a huge role in this, (she's two, how could she?) she definitely has her moments.

    I don't think it would be a spoiler for me to say that there are a couple more mood whiplashes before the end :P Still, I have to let them be happy eventually... or do I? *Insert evil laugh here* And please, there's no rush to catch up :) Believe me, I understand being busy. After this weekend, I'll barely have time to breathe properly for a while xD. Never agree to be in someone's wedding, I say. You're essentially loaning them your life until its over. That's actually why I doubled down and got those last few chapters finished this week.

    Commented on: August 29, 2014

  • Cursed

    Haha, the List fluctuates depending which theory I'm working at the time :P Currently Marvin, Reagan, and Janelle are on the List. Janelle's there because I've recently started thinking that perhaps the odd feeling she gets from Reagan is the Gifted's ability to sense each other. Also, we know from Carey that it's possible to be Gifted and not know. Obviously that would mean Reagan is Gifted too for that idea to work so... yeah, don't ask... I put way too much thought into stuff xD 

    But yeah on this chapter, I really like it. Personally, I don't see anything wrong. I'm the same way though :P I'll write something that other people think is perfectly fine and yet I'll obsess over it for ages trying to get it to work exactly like I want it to.

    Commented on: August 27, 2014

  • Cursed

    This was a really good chapter! I always like seeing the Carey/Sam duo together. They have an interesting dynamic between them. They don't really seem to be the likeliest of friends, but they compliment each other really well. Despite the fact that they're still being rather large jerks in regards to Janelle, I really enjoyed their portion of the chapter. Also, it's always good to see Samantha's softer side. I liked the scene where she tries to comfort Carey as she blames herself for 256's current situation. She really can be quite nice when she wants to be, although I can absolutely see her wishing Reagan had drowned in a river :P

    I must say, I do hope Carey changes her mind about springing 256 and going on the lam. That's probably not the best idea she's ever had. Despite her feelings on the matter and whatever course Janelle chooses to take as she tries to get information out of 256, I think both he and Carey will be better off with the rebels than trying to strike out on their own.

    Janelle's portion was also very interesting. So, there's a secret Gift of Water running about then? Right now I'm leaning more towards it being a new character, despite Marvin's insistence that no one else could have gained access to 256's room. Unless, of course, it's Marvin himself. Actually, that is an interesting possibility now that I think about it. He was pretty quick to shift the focus to Samantha and Reagan and he also pointed out that even if they were Gifted they didn't necessarily betray her. Hmm... well, he's definitely on my Secretly Gifted List for the time being :P

    Anyway, before I decide to go back and peruse the last story for clues to aid my theory and forget I'm supposed to be leaving a comment... I really liked the emotions in this chapter. Carey's guilt and regret was very well done. And regardless of my opinions of Carey and Sam's attitude toward Janelle, it's a very realistic portrayal. That's how practically anyone would respond in that situation, so well done! I can't wait to see what happens next.

    Also, 256 is awake! *Happy dance* :) 

    Commented on: August 27, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    The flashbacks are absolutely unnecessary, I agree. I honestly hate this chapter and it wouldn't even exist had the ability to write not been struck from my brain for about a month :P Seriously, for the life of me I couldn't get this chapter to flow. What happens in the next chapter was supposed to happen in this chapter, but I couldn't get it to work how I wanted. So, in desperation being well over my (admittedly self-imposed) schedule the idea of a flashback chapter came to be. I used parts of the story I'd written back at a time when I could at least halfway string sentences together in a cohesive fashion to pretty much convey what Kayla's feeling and thinking at the time :P  Eventually, once I'm ever satisfied with chapter 44 because I'm still not, I plan to merge these two and remove the flashbacks altogether.

    Ariana's grandfather was very cunning indeed. He had a lot of faith in her and he set things up, fully believing that one day Ariana would be ready and would want her daughter back. As for Kayla, yeah I think she's make a good mother too and definitely different than Ariana. I think more than anything she's afraid of the unknown. She's never been a mother, so she's afraid she'll fail at it. If she tried, I think she'd come to see that she does in fact have pretty strong maternal instincts. As for Ariana... well, you'll just have to wait and see :D

    Lol hard and soft palates! If Kayla can do that, she might need to see a doctor because that's not good xD That wouldn't even be a useful superpower.

     

    Commented on: August 25, 2014

  • Cursed

    Well, that was certainly a good start. I wasn't sure where this story would pick back up (expected a bit more of a time jump, actually) but I'm glad there wasn't. This way it feels more fluid and I like that.

    I fully support Janelle in this chapter. She's making smart decisions (strategically at least, I'm still not sure about 'the Reagan thing' :P) and she's doing what she needs to do to keep her revolution going. Carey and Samantha are being really mean, but I can see their points. Still, Janelle's making the right call.

    Speaking of the Reagan thing, the romantic in me loved their kiss. Janelle let her guard down and allowed herself to trust him, and perhaps herself as well because she doesn't think she'll make the same mistakes she did with Alex. Then again, being overly suspicious as I am, Reagan still makes me uncomfortable. I'm beginning to think I'm just prejudiced against him because he was really sweet and kind in this chapter. Naturally, I want to know what it is he can't bring himself to tell Janelle because right now I really have no idea :P

    As for 256, there was a bit of schoolgirl-ish squealing on my part with that ending xD I didn't think he was really going to die, but I was still worried about him. Now I'm curious as to his seemingly miraculous recovery.

    Anyway, a very good start. I'm really excited to see where the story goes from here :)

     

    Commented on: August 24, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Thanks for the comment :) I'm glad you like this one because I've always been a little nervous about it. You're exactly right about Ariana; she's really dreaming about what she thought was a perfect life. She thought that would be a happy father/daughter relationship as that's the only thing she ever knew. I'm also glad the transition from a nice, normal family moment to... well, not a normal family moment worked out. It's a sort of gradual descent from sweet to creepy :P

    The thought of what would have happened to Snow is what inspired this whole chapter. I'd never really given it much thought before, but yeah it wouldn't have been good for Snow had she been born there. I don't really know what would have happened. I'd like to think Ariana would have somehow found the strength to fight back and stand up for her daughter unlike her own mother who just stood back and let it happen.

    Yeah, Ariana tricking Kayla was too much fun to resist xD It was mean but I though; yeah, Ariana would so do that. As for Sophia, well it'd be pretty tough for anyone to accurately guess what she'll be doing :P I don't plan on her being a POV character at the moment (that could change) but she certainly has a role to play.

    Commented on: August 22, 2014

  • Gifted

    When I first set out to read this, I had a pretty clear idea of where I thought it would go. I assumed that by the end the Gifted would be overthrown, Janelle's rebellion would take power, Carey and 256 would fall in love, and a time of peace would come to the island. I'm very happy that none of those things happened :P The pacing is really one of my favorite things about this story. It's very realistic. The rebels have only just achieved their first victory over the Gifted, even if its just a minor one. There's still a long way for them to go.

    I think I mentioned early on that Janelle and Sam's part of the story starts off a little slow compared to Carey's. However, at that point I was still under the impression that by the end the Gifted would be defeated. Now that I've finished the story, I actually think it works really well. The storylines all built up and maintained a consistent and good pace right up to the end.

    Speaking of the ending, I've got to say it almost feels more like the beginning of something instead of the end. There's no real resolution to any of the storylines and this chapter really makes me what to keep reading straight into the sequel. I don't know how many sequels you have planned, but it feels as though this is something that could continue on and turn into a series. The story could go anywhere from here and I'm excited to get to the next story.

    As for the characters in this chapter, I really liked all of their reactions to the things that were happening. Janelle has become a remarkably good leader. I like that she's putting the good of her revolution ahead of her friend's opinions of her. She's looking at the big picture and thinking of 256 as a hostage and a potential gold mine of information should he survive (please, please survive...). I'm really proud of her, especially looking back at how far she's come since the beginning. She's not the same girl she was when it was just her and Sam hiding in the woods. She's a leader and if she asked me to join her rebellion, I'd follow her.

    I was hoping 805 would stick around, but I suspected he would leave. He's not going to suddenly become all paternal and start doting on his daughter (Not that Sam would be all that open to that at the moment anyway). Although, I'm not sure I believe him when he says he's going back to the Council. I suspect he's still going to try to find Michelle and that won't end well once he finds out she's dead. (She is dead, right? After I typed that I realized I honestly couldn't remember for sure if she was, but I'm pretty sure she is.)

    Carey's emotions were very well done. If 256 dies, I'm not sure how she'll handle it. She's a tough, feisty girl but she really cares about him. I liked her optimism that he would be okay. She was desperate and grasping at whatever good news she could. That's important, she needs to stay strong for him. I really hope she can.

    Overall, this was an excellent closing chapter. It's an ending, but also a beginning. It's not a happy chapter, nor are any of the characters looking hopefully towards the future, but seem resigned to the fact that this is where they are now; especially Janelle. I really loved her final line. 'We'll keep on fighting.' It's not hopeful, it's really the only thing they can do and a very fitting statement to end the story on.

    I must say that I've enjoyed this story from beginning to end. There's plenty of great action and intriguing mysteries. The characters are all interesting find ways of being relatable despite the fantasy world they live in. The storyline is exciting and kept my attention all the way through. I don't really have any true negatives to point out. There are spelling and grammatical errors here and there, but everyone makes those so I usually don't mention them at all.

    So, great work! I'm really excited to get to the sequel and see what happens next. By the way, if I'm ever unpacking boxes at the bookstore I work at and find a copy of this, I'm mailing it to you to have it signed :P

     

     

    Commented on: August 21, 2014

  • Gifted

    I hate to say it but I cheered a little when Carey stabbed 3349. Although it would have been nice to see her get a chance at redemption after seeing her open up a little in the last chapter, that scene was quite satisfying so I don't even care :P I was also glad to see that Carey was able to do what she needed to do, especially since she's had trouble in the past when it comes to killing people. It was clearly a 'kill or be killed' moment and she did what she had to without fretting over it. Hopefully that makes her that much stronger in the future.

    It was also interesting that she had no trouble running or fighting while she was invisible. I'm going to assume either grief or downright rage just made her react on instinct. She wasn't focused on trying to move or fight, she just did it naturally. Maybe that's the key?

    Poor Thomas! I didn't expect him to lose his hand like that. I can't imagine what that's like, especially for someone like Thomas whose profession pretty much depended on his hands. I would assume that outcome will weigh pretty heavily on Sam and Janelle as well.

    As for 256, I'm really hoping he pulls through. I imagine he will, but who knows? I must say I liked Carey's reaction when she found him. It was quite emotional and believable. I do hope he'll be okay, but with only one chapter left somehow I feel I'll have to wait until I get to the sequel to get an answer. Anyway, overall a very good penultimate chapter. I can't believe there's only one left!   

    Commented on: August 18, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Thanks for commenting! I'm glad you enjoyed this one. This chapter (and the next one) are chapters that I get a little anxious about when people read. I've never been completely happy with it, although I'm not sure why :P It just reads weird to me. I also had to be super careful with what I had the girl say because I very nearly spoiled the ending, the sequel, and what all the supernatural stuff is :P Luckily, I write three or four chapters in advance of what I put out for people to read so I caught myself before I really messed up XD

    It's weird, there's not much I can really say about this chapter without giving spoilers. I suppose I should mention that the girl isn't necessarily focused on Ariana and Kayla. There are plenty of other people she's involved with too. Geez, I can't even properly explain that without spoilers!

    And it really would be like Kayla to fight some strange, supernatural being XD Not sure if she'd win, but she would absolutely fight. That's what she knows how to do. Gosh, there's something I'd so like to say about that, but I can't do it. Not yet :P

    Commented on: August 17, 2014

  • Gifted

    Before I begin I would like to point out that if while riding the subway filled with morning commuters, a small, short brunette with an oversized purse and an Ipad suddenly shouts out quite loudly in the otherwise peaceful train car 'Nooooo! 256!' those aforementioned commuters will give her strange looks for the rest of the journey. I'm not joking, that's a true story. Also, I'm not going to read anymore on the way to work.

    These last few chapters have all been very good, but this one might be my favorite. The confrontation and resulting fight between 3349 and Carey was very exciting. I was kind of hoping that, while invisible, Carey would just slip across the room and stab 3349 just a little bit. Ah well, maybe next time :P

    I've got to say though, this is the first time I've felt anything positive for 3349. She's always been a very cold woman (pun not intended) and I've never liked her. The part when 256 was trying to talk 3349 down and she opened up just a little and showed a hint of emotion was a really touching moment.

    I hate her again, obviously, given that she went and stabbed 256, but in that moment I felt that I understood her a bit more. She really is only what the Gifted have made her and underneath all of the 'we're Gifted so we're better than everyone' propaganda that she's been taught, really she just wants to belong. To not, as she says, be nothing. Being Gifted, to her at least, is better than being nothing. It also serves as a great reminder that the Gifted, whatever else they are, they're still human.

    As for 256, the hopeless romantic in me loved him in this chapter :P He admits, both openly to 3349 and to himself, that he loves Carey. He willing gives up his whole world, everything he's ever known, for a girl. He's even willing to die for her. He knew the risk he was taking by trying to save her and he did it regardless. Anyway, a great dramatic chapter! I'm going to have to spend the rest of the day worrying about 256 :P

    Commented on: August 15, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Thanks for the comment! The plan, currently is about 10 more chapters. I've limited myself to 60 chapters, but I really plan on wrapping everything up before then. That's actually why this chapter just sort of randomly appeared from nowhere. I've been sitting on it for ages, ever since the idea of a prequel about Kayla's life before Claire's murder and her time on the run got shelved. I knew I wanted to fit it in somewhere, but I'm quickly running out of space :P

    Pre-Ariana Kayla is always interesting to write. She was a very different person back then, but it's usually Ariana who gets noticed more as a character that's changed a lot, for obvious reasons. Kayla's change is much more subtle, but its there. As for whether or not it was their destiny to meet, or if that woman was Rose... well, you'll be finding out all about that soon enough.

    However, don't underestimate the possibility that Kayla just happens to have odd encounters with elderly women when she needs advice and direction xD Of course, who's to say supernatural beings have to be dead people? Maybe Rose was never a human but a supernatural being all along? Or she could be dead, but chose to hide in plain sight afterwards and started working undercover as a nurse. Heh... now I've just made it even more confusing :P

    You're right about Spencer! Although, oddly I've only ever watched the show and haven't read the books. She's my favorite of the four girls, mainly because the actress who plays her happens to be a massive GoT fan :P Kayla really needs to get someone else to make her fake IDs. Whoever's doing them now obviously watches too much TV...

     

    Commented on: August 15, 2014

  • Gifted

    Gah! Another cliffhanger. Curses :P I liked seeing so much emotion from Sam. I really felt bad for the poor girl, especially when she's telling Janelle the story about just wanting her dad when she was younger. While I'm glad Sam didn't catch him (that kind of encounter wouldn't have helped either of them) I do hope at some point they have a chance to talk (or yell, probably, in Samantha's case) about things in the future. Maybe Sam can get some answers or at the very least closure.

    I get what Janelle was saying when she said that she would lie to Amy if she ever asked about her dad, but personally I've always thought that an ugly truth is preferable to a pretty lie. Especially, as in Sam's case, she realized the truth anyway. Although, despite what Sam thinks, I don't believe 805 knew about her at all. He seems like the type of person that, had he known, he would have done something to help them even if he couldn't be there himself.

    Speaking of 805, I'm guessing the reason his blood is making grass grow is because he's pretty badly wounded and can't fully control his Gift? If so, I'd hate to be around a Gift of Fire or Water when they're injured :P

    256 might just have become my favorite character. I'm so uncool easily takes the prize of second best line ever, with first prize still going to 'I like shoes'. Also, he punched 805 in the face! Okay, sure, his attempts to intimidate 805 into staying and restoring order failed spectacularly, but just because he tried he earns a few extra Awesome Points from me.

    In closing, I'm going to be absently chanting 'Please don't let Carey drown' under my breath until I can read the next chapter :P

    Commented on: August 13, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Haha, I didn't know much about adoption either. Once again, I had to do a large amount of Googling and what I learned is that adoption is more confusing than quantum physics xD Laws vary by state, so what's legal here in New York may not be legal in Michigan. For example, same-sex couples can joint adopt in NY but not in Michigan. Of course, there's also the fact that these girls live in an old warehouse... not exactly the safest place for a child :P

    Coop and Alana's pasts are certainly more adoption friendly. From what I understand, they would have too many complications. Again, that's from what I understand :P

    As for what Kayla knows about Snow... well, I can't really say anything without spoilers and since what happened to her is one of only a few more mysteries left to be revealed before the end, I don't want to spoil it :P I suppose I can say that Kayla is more worried about Ari's reaction to what she knows and not necessarily that something terrible happened to Snow.

    And I do love Frozen. I've seen that movie entirely too many times. Ariana quotes (unintentionally on my part, believe it or not) a line from Let It Go back in chapter... 32 I think? Penny says they should spent the winter in California and Ariana says 'The cold never bothered me anyway' :P

     

    Commented on: August 12, 2014

  • Gifted

    Huh, well you certainly weren't joking when you said a lot happens in this chapter! First of all, a moment of silence for Will and Anna. Much like James and Emma, they didn't really have big roles in the story, but they were pillars of the rebellion. They've been around since almost the beginning. I'll miss them.

    Now, for the big stuff. 256 and Carey's reunion was absolutely perfect. I had a number of ideas as to how it might go, but I didn't suspect a friendly, awkward meeting in the middle of the street. I loved it. 256 was uncomfortably cute too. 'I really like shoes.' Best line ever XD. It was almost too nice, though... that worries me because now I'm thinking something terrible is going to happen.

    So 805 is Sam's dad, huh? I kinda thought that might be it at one point, especially once 805 started talking about his past with Michelle. They look alike and Sam's got that dagger while 805 is always making daggers. I sort of wrote that theory off because I thought it was too obvious :P The clues really were there all along and regardless of my earlier suspicions, I was surprised by this and that made me happy. My mind's going a little wild with theories as to where this could go. Samantha is clearly, and please excuse the term, pissed. There aren't going to be any sweet father/daughter moments anytime soon, I don't think.

    I swear, you and your cliffhangers :P Obviously that's 3349 Carey ran into. I feel like Carey's not going to come out on the winning side in this fight somehow. My bad feeling from her and 256's meeting coming true already?

    Anyway, overall an excellent chapter. One of my favorites so far! I'm sad, there's only four chapters left.

    Commented on: August 10, 2014

  • Gifted

    I would just like to say that if I ever discover who it was who came up with cliffhangers, I'm going to send them a very strongly worded letter :P

    Anyway, starting off, lots of great action in here. The fight between Carey/Reagan and the Gifted man was very well done and exciting. This fight also made me question a few of my theories regarding Reagan since he's actively killing Gifted now. Of course, it could be that it was all a setup and Reagan killed the Gifted man to further solidify his position within the rebel's ranks. Now I'm getting a little too deep into this... I swear, I'm going to go crazy trying to figure him out XD

    As for the Carey/256 reunion... I'm still not sure how this is going to go. I don't think either one of them will attack the other, but 805/3349/Janelle/Sam etc might be a little more inclined to do so. Of course, personally I'm hoping 256 sees the light and joins Carey and the rebellion, but I don't think that'll happen right away.

    Anyway, I'm going to keep this comment short because I'm going to try to squeeze in the next chapter even though I really don't have time :P I likely won't be able to leave a comment on it until tonight/tomorrow, but I know I can't go into work today with that cliffhanger dangling over my head.

    Oh, but one other thing! I like the clever way you named this chapter. Taking the name of the chapter when 256 and Carey last saw each other and flipping it for their reunion was pretty crafty :D

    Commented on: August 9, 2014

  • Gifted

    Might there be a Carey/256 reunion in the near future? I think so. I'm not sure it'll be a happy reunion, but a reunion nonetheless. I'm a bit worried now that all the characters seem to be on a collision course with each other. I really like 256 and 805, but obviously they and Team Janelle are enemies. I'm really excited about the coming chapters, but I'm also terrified :P

    I do hope this attack goes better than the rebel's last. I've been looking forward to their next act of open rebellion for a while now and at the very least this one seems far better planned than the Lake Village. I suppose it's a good thing 805 is wounded. I'm not sure how well the rebels would fair against him at full strength.

    It was interesting to see Carey thinking about going home. I can easily see how she might not want to go back to her old life now that she's had a taste of freedom. Her life now may be dangerous, but at least she's having the adventures she used to dream about.

    Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next chapter. I expect it will be bad (in a good way :P) I'm foreseeing at least a death or two soon. I don't know who exactly, but I can feel it coming.

     

     

    Commented on: August 9, 2014

  • This Is Why I'm Afraid

    This was a very good start. First, I'll commend you for writing in first person. That style can make or break a story (I'll openly admit I'm terrible at it!) but you managed to make it work exceptionally well. Also, there's just something about the way you write that I really liked. I can't exactly put my figure on what it is, but whatever it is keep it up.

    Percy seems like an interesting (and very sad) character. It's really horrible what he's going through. His disorder isn't one I'm familiar with, so naturally I did some Googling to better understand it. It's pretty clear how having something like that could easily just wear you down. I really felt sorry for him, especially with the cyber bullying at the end. I'm quite curious who sent those emails.

    Anyway, overall a great start. I'm looking forward to reading more.

    Commented on: August 7, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    I absolutely know what you mean :P There definitely has been a role reversal with these two and really, that was the basic idea that I had when I started this thing. Two people who are at two completely opposite extremes. Ari's vulnerable, childlike and scared while Kayla is tough, cold and keeps her emotions closed off. The idea was that over the course of the story they would take on certain characteristics of each other and by the end sort of become whole again. I really hope that makes sense XD

    Adoption agencies are pretty strict here too.The girls would run into quite a bit of difficulty trying to adopt Sophia, no question. There would be some legal trouble as well, actually. Without saying too much I hope, Sophia has a pretty important storyline in the sequel that really requires Mike's death. It does not require her to be adopted by Ariana and Kayla, however. That's not to say she isn't or that she is, but it would be very obvious and expected if she were.

    As always, there's no reason to be sorry for being a little slow on comments. Schooling should always come first! Unless you're an easily distracted, lazy procrastinator like me :P Even then it should still come first... you just might having trouble putting it first XD

     

    Commented on: August 7, 2014

  • Gifted

    805 was practically affectionate in this chapter! It was a little strange, the way he acted with 256 but it was good all the same. Plenty of great male bonding in that part. I'm really enjoying these two more and more. They have a very interesting dynamic between them that's really fun to read about.

    I suddenly get the feeling the the brothel 3379 is going to is the same one the rebels are using as a base. I suspect she's going to stumble upon the rebel's hideout. The entire rebellion comes to an end because one Gifted girl can't keep her pants on :P

    I wonder what Sam's reaction would have been if Carey had told her she had spotted Janelle and Reagan kissing. I imagine that confrontation would have been... heated to say the least. Also, I'm not sure Sam thinks Reagan seeing Carey was impossible at all. Perhaps Reagan was just really good at pretending tried to get a reaction from him.

    I'm very curious as the plans Janelle has for Carey and Thomas. It should be very exciting!

    Commented on: August 4, 2014

  • Gifted

    You managed to make me feel sympathetic toward Reagan with the story about his mother, but only a few paragraphs later made me more suspicious of him than I've ever been! Overall, I'm not 100% sure I believe his story. Although, part of me thinks he's telling the truth, but is leaving something out. I still can't figure him out, but I definitely don't trust him. :P

    I used to think he was secretly Gifted, but I left that idea behind a while ago. Now, though, I'm thinking maybe he's immune to the Gifted's powers somehow so that's how he knew Carey was there. It might also explain how he was able to escape the attack on his home when no one else did. Either that, or he is Gifted and his power is the ability to see people with the Gift of Stealth... which would be a pretty useless power if that's all it can do so yeah... I don't think that's it xD

    I've never really thought about how odd it would feel to be invisible. I guess I've always assumed that invisible people could still somehow see themselves or something. In Carey's case, it would have to be extremely disorienting to try to fight or do much of anything when she can't see herself!

    Commented on: August 4, 2014

  • Gifted

    Wow, that was one heck of a chapter! I was a little worried when I saw the title there, I'll admit :P This chapter was very emotional all the way through. Wesley reacted exactly as I suspected he would. To him, this is the guy who kidnapped his sister and did heaven only know what to her. He's just being a protective brother and despite the fact that I'm always cheering for 256, I can't fault Wesley for doing what he did. He's still a likeable character regardless and everything he did was believable and completely justified in my opinion.

    256 meanwhile earned some more points from me when he stopped 805 from attacking Wesley. He knowingly broke the rules and showed mercy to a rebel. 805 told him he would have to kill him if he made any more mistakes, and I do believe this counts as a pretty big mistake in the Gifted's eyes. That took a lot of courage and while I don't actually think 805 is going to kill him I am a bit worried about 256 right now.

    One other thing that's completely unrelated to this chapter but since you brought back Wesley it made me think of it. Didn't Rosa have a son at one point? Whatever happened to the little guy? Did he die in the fire? He just sort of disappeared ages ago and I haven't really thought about him since.

    Commented on: July 31, 2014

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Cool, I can finally post this! This site has really been hating me today. Anyway, thanks for commenting! You're in the same ballpark (if you'll excuse a sports-related parlance) to where I'm going with the car wreck. That conversation between Graham and Abby was hard to write because they both know what happened, so I had to chose my words carefully. There's a lot that's talked about there and if you look deep enough into what's said, you might be able to figure it out. I'm hoping most people won't do that, though, and I'll be in the clear. I'll give one hint though: Abby never said she was grieving because of the car accident.

    You make a great point about too many pretty characters and actually I agree with you. I don't usually have that many and that's also true in this. The rest of the main cast, which is actually far too large, is typically described as pretty average overall. I'll openly admit that Warehouse got away from me :P I blessed Ariana with her looks because I thought after everything she went through, she deserved something XD Then I went and made Kayla pretty and by extension her mom and sister. Cooper was meant to be this dreamy college hunk, but that storyline fell by the wayside and I never completely edited his appearance. Then Kayla's friends ended up being the popular girls in high school and, well, here I am XD Luckily, I've kept the Beautifier 9000 powered down for the most part on Milky Way. 

    Jake not recognizing Abby is a relic of a time when they met only briefly before that and under very different circumstances. I've been writing this story since late 2009 and it's seen more than its fair share of edits and rewrites. I'm surprised this part even still makes up a cohesive story at this point XD I'll be sure to edit that part. Thanks for pointing it out.

    Please ask at any time if you have questions about any of the sci-fi bits. Even I have to go to some of my more geeky friends and ask questions like 'Ok, so you have a big spaceship. What sort of weapons would you put on it and why?' and 'So... artificial gravity. How would that work exactly?' Also, feel free to point out any places that are confusing/don't make sense/are utterly stupid. I have a tendency to not be clear sometimes when writing sci-fi.

    One thing that doesn't help with this story is the fact that when I set out to write it I made the chapters much longer, more like what you would see in a physical book. To make it work in an online format, I had to cut the chapters up. For instance, parts 1, 2, and a big part of 3, are all supposed to be one chapter and instead I've had to break it up into three parts. If I hadn't done that, the chapters were way too long. So far, I think the only chapter I've uploaded without splitting it up was chapter 10 and it was originally chapter 5 :P  So, in the case of the ship being old and rundown, Abby and Graham talk about that in the next chapter and he explains that the ship was pretty much rebuilt from the ground up so it's practically brand new. That's the price I pay for cutting up the chapters in odd places.

    As for them sending Abby... Command has their reasons. On the surface, those are honest and pure reasons that will be explained before too long. If there is another reason she was sent on this mission, it wouldn't be mentioned for a very long time :D

    Commented on: July 30, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Well, I'm glad you found it satisfying :P Adrian definitely deserved the knee to the groin. She was going to pepper spray him a little bit, but it seemed a little excessive. I've got to say that despite how excited I was to finally write this chapter, I was just as nervous about it because I wasn't at all sure how Ariana would react to meeting Adrian. In the end I went with the idea that she was more afraid of the memories she has of Adrian than of the man that actually exists now. She just had to realize that in order to finally free herself from him... that and injure his manhood a bit XD Also, half of the reason she still agreed to do the transplant after what Adrian tried to do to her really was because he doesn't want her to save him. It's like you said, one more way to defy him.

    Ariana really has changed a lot. Sometimes I miss the old kooky, goofy Ariana because she was a ton of fun to write and I don't get to be as silly with her now. Still, she had to grow and change as the story progressed. Like you said, she's changed quite a bit since she got her memories back and now that she's faced down her father she'll change even more. She has this sort of confidence in herself and she's much less afraid from here on out and that lets her make some pretty tough decisions a little later on.

    Commented on: July 30, 2014

  • Gifted

    Oh, wow! Yeah, that's not good. Of all the people 256 could've run into and it had to be Wesley. I expected him to pop back into the story at some point, but I figured it would be in Carey's portion, not 256's so nice twist there. I also never suspected he'd be working with these rebels. You definitely managed to surprise me, so good job :D I'm curious to see how 256 is going to respond to this situation, and also how Wesley ended up with the Bow and Arrow Rebels.

    I really think I'm going to stop trying to figure Reagan out and just wait until it's revealed. I've considered so many different things he could be up to and I just can't figure it out. After this chapter, I've started thinking that maybe he's not actually a bad guy, but he's being forced to work against Team Janelle (There are two separate rebel groups now. I've got to call them something to distinguish them :P) by the Gifted or maybe even those new rebels. Reagan seems to actually care for Janelle and his guilt look in this chapter... I don't know XD

    Again, the action in this chapter was great. 805 can be quite brutal when he needs to be. I've got to say, he's pretty lucky 256 was the only other Gifted around during the conversation about Michelle. I can see 3349 learning about that one. That'd go over really well, I'm sure. She'd likely go straight to the council with that tidbit of info. Speaking of 3349, for the life of me I can't figure out why her number is so hard for me to remember. I haven't had a problem with any of the other character's numbers so far, but I seem to have a mental blockage when it comes to her. There's even two threes in her number for goodness sake! You'd think that would make it easier for me XD

    One nitpicky thing I noticed that I thought I'd mention: Janelle, during her speech which overall was quite well done, told the inn at large the target of the rebel attack, a timeframe for it to occur, the general location of her base and the strength of her forces. If the Gifted had any spies there, the rebels are in a lot of trouble now XD It wasn't the wisest decision in my admittedly far too strategic mind (I can't get anyone to play chess with me... :P) but it does make sense that she would want to show any potential followers that she does have a group of fighters and a plan. I don't know, it was just something I thought I'd mention. Personally, it's not really worth worrying about changing it.

    Overall, a great and exciting chapter. It definitely got me excited for the next one. I can't wait to see what happens between 256 and Wesley!

     

    Commented on: July 29, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Haha, actually I had to stop and think whether he knew already or not myself! I had him showing up at the hospital and then I remembered that he still didn't know about any of it :P As for Adrian, I did give serious thought to him having a change of heart. I won't spoil anything except to say that this confrontation between the two of them is a little on the short side, but it's not their last.

    I'll definitely agree that on the surface it does appear that Mike died just so the girls can adopt Sophia. It's the obvious way that storyline would go and you're not the first person to say that about that part :P Let's just say that I don't usually go the obvious route if I can avoid it :D Sophia also has a role in the sequel and it hinges on Mike being dead. I think that was cryptic enough xD

    As for Mike's death, I really hated to kill him but he's survived far longer than he was ever supposed to. Originally, he was to die in the apartment fire. In that situation, the girls would have absolutely ended up adopting Sophia. Then I planned on killing him when Dwayne found them. I don't know what would have happened to Sophia in that case. Kayla was in no place to take care of her, clearly. Poor Mike, though, he really was doomed from the beginning.

    Commented on: July 27, 2014

  • Gifted

    So it's after midnight, I'm extremely sleepy and just finished binge-watching the last ten episodes of the fourth season of Pretty Little Liars. I'm prefacing this comment with this information so if I say anything stupid, you know why :P

    805 continues to intrigue me. He's a deep and complex guy. Hypocritical to the extreme, but I keep liking him more and more. He's clearly got secrets, pretty big ones by the sound of things. I'm excited to see what he's hiding, because I don't really have any idea.

    As for Janelle and Carey, I really liked the scene with both of them. Carey's not the most sensitive of people, is she? I was surprised she told Janelle about Samantha's suspicions so quickly. She should really start thinking before she speaks :P I do hope Carey didn't completely destroy Janelle's confidence. Now isn't the time to crush her spirit!

    It was interesting that Carey thought Sam should be the rebel's leader instead of Janelle. It's true that to most people, Sam is the obvious choice. She's the warrior, she's the one that people would look up to but she doesn't have that charisma that a leader needs to inspire their troops... especially when they're up against these kinds of odds. Janelle seems to have that spark, even if she doesn't always believe in herself. She's not the necessarily the best tactical thinker or fighter, but she's a really good leader and that's important.

    Overall, a good solid chapter. I get the feeling something big is about to happen soon!

    Commented on: July 26, 2014

  • Gifted

    I was very glad to see Janelle thinking about what would happen should her rebellion actually succeed at overthrowing the Gifted. Their focus so far has only been to take down the regime (which is completely understandable at this point as they really haven't been at this all that long) but she definitely needs to start thinking about the future. If the Gifted collapse, what would the nonGifted do? Does Janelle even want a leadership role in a new government? There's a lot for the rebels to consider and bringing down the Gifted without some form of plan for what happens after that might just be worse than the situation they're in now.

    The conversation between 805 and 256 really made me start to think more about the history of the Gifted. I think I once mentioned how I thought the Gifted called themselves Gifted because they were incredibly egotistic. While the present day Gifted clearly still are highly egotistical, I'm starting to wonder more and more about how it all began. Perhaps the Gifted weren't always the awful people they are now and at one point it was considered a good thing (by everyone) to have a Gift. I don't know, just thinking out loud :P Anyway, overall a very informative and thought-provoking chapter that kept my attention all the way through :)

    Commented on: July 23, 2014

  • Under the Milky Way: Repulse Prelude

    Thanks for commenting! Don't worry about getting confused :P I'm writing this and even I have to take a step back occasionally when I start to get too science-y and weird. I actually put together a sort of glossary if you will of terms and things so I remember what they all mean XD

    The bedtime story (although this would be a really awful story to tell a kid... ever, actually :P) started out as just what it sounds like. An opening monologue that briefly explains the backstory. The grandma and child were a recent addition because, as you said, it makes the information easier to process. Before it felt like a high school history teacher droning on and on in a monotone for hours on end. Naturally, the kid had to poke fun at the 'opening monologue' change!

    Abby does have a love for really old music and movies :P She has a massive digital collection of old songs that she likes to listen to. A couple of characters question her taste in music later on, but its kind of her thing. She hates the modern music of the times. (imagine rock, pop, and dubstep rolled into one and that's what's big these days.) She's spent years hunting down long forgotten songs to add to her collection. Its hard for her to do, but with the Internet still around on Earth all that data's still out there somewhere so she can find it.

    As for Abby and Ariana sharing the same same last name, there's actually a story behind that. I'll have to get a little too personal for the comments section to explain it but here goes; Laine was actually the name of one my best friends who died of a drug overdose about five-ish years ago. We were both 15  when it happened and she inspired me to write, so ever since she died I've had a least one character in every story named Laine. It's like a little memorial to her, I guess It's usually not a lead character so it doesn't draw as much attention as it does here with Ariana/Abby. I'm waiting for someone to think they're related somehow and that this is actually a sequel to Warehouse :P  

    As for Abby though, yeah she's definitely mysterious! She's got a handful of secrets that she'd really like to keep... well, secret. I gave this to a few friends to read and they can't agree whether or not Abby was the girl in the car or if she knew someone involved in the accident. Obviously, I'm not going to say :P But yeah she's got her mysteries to be unraveled.

    I'm glad you liked Jake. He's a character that's undergone the most changes and has been the source of most of my editing. He started out as a hardcore military man and a stickler for the rules. But the story was really without any form of humorous character and Jake really worked as this sort of goofy, relaxed guy that uses his military career to pick up girls xD  It's no secret that Abby and Jake are both going on the same mission, and since she's his superior officer it's quite uncomfortable for him when they meet up again, especially after this little encounter.  

    Anyway, I'll shut up now that I've pretty much written an entire book here :P I'm glad you enjoyed it. Also, I'm very open to suggestions for changes. I think I mentioned before that very little in this is set in stone so I could alter many aspects of this story.

     

        

     

    Commented on: July 21, 2014

  • Gifted

    Aww, Sam! She was kind of sweet in this chapter, in her very own Samantha-ish way. She's always been one of my favorite characters, even if she wasn't all that likable. After this chapter she's definitely shifted into the likable category. She seems to be opening up a bit now. I really like her relationship with Carey. They compliment each other really well and I enjoyed their conversation.

    I'm also completely with her on Reagan. He earned a bit of sympathy in this chapter. He's clearly had a hard time of it, but I still don't trust him at all. I'm very suspicious of him and I don't think he's there with good intentions. I'd love to be proven wrong, but I still think he's up to no good :P

    Also, there's something about Janelle looking through a peephole in a door in a brothel that made me giggle when I read about it XD There's my sense of humor for you...

    Commented on: July 19, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    See, now I'm going to pick apart every line of dialog trying to find what you're talking about :P I guarantee I'll miss it completely. I'm pretty hopeless when it comes to noticing things that actually matter!

    I'll admit that I don't know very much at all about medical things (animals or humans). Google and WebMD are my best friends in that regard :P I haven't got any family or friends in that field either, so I'm dependent on the internet (and we all know how reliable that is XD). Everyone I know either has boring or really strange jobs that are completely useless for writing :P

    You're talking to the queen of procrastination XD. Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? As for what else you can read... well, I'm not actively working on Endless Wonder (it's written in first person and I have to be in a particular mood to force myself to write that way...) Under the Milky Way I do work on much more often, but it's pretty hardcore science-fiction and isn't for everyone. That's not to say there aren't interesting characters with relatable problems in there, but you'll have to work your way past a space battle or two to get to them :P If you don't mind reading about warp drives and spaceships, by all means please give it a shot. It's in a constant state of editing and pretty much nothing is set in stone so I always like to get people's opinions on it.

    Commented on: July 19, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Thanks for commenting! Fun fact about burning down the house: Originally I thought Ariana might turn it into an orphanage or a shelter for battered women or something. I was never sure exactly what it would be. However, my friend who likes to lay on my bed listening to music while I'm writing was playing Ellie Goulding's 'Burn' while I was writing this chapter :P The rest, as they say, is history. Going home though absolutely gave Ariana a lot more strength and courage than she had. Whether it's enough to finally come face to face with her worst nightmare is something she'll be finding out before too long.

    Yeah, Ariana wasn't lying when she said she was thinking about Snow :P I didn't expect anyone to think twice about her saying that back in chapter 30. It's good to have a character that says random things from time to time. I can hide things in her dialog and no one notices (Just a note, that's the only time I've done this. One of my friends went back and started questioning everything weird Ariana ever said, looking for clues XD)

    I'm not ashamed to admit that I spent months thinking up Snow's name XD I knew it had to be something out of the ordinary, but nothing too crazy. Snow ended up just fitting so well. Like you said, it's something Ariana would name her daughter. As for them meeting or Ariana perhaps getting her daughter back... I've made no firm decision on that yet. I'm actually at the point now where I've got to make a choice and I don't know which way I'm going to go yet. On one hand, I'd love to see Snow come and live with Ari and Kayla and yet there would be something bittersweet about Ari watching Snow play at a park with her adoptive family from afar, just glad to know that she's safe and happy. It may be time to flip a coin again and let fate decide :P

    You're right about Ari's hands. I hadn't thought of that. I'll add it to the list of things I'll be going back and changing once I'm finished with the story. And as I've said before, never apologize for being a nerd :P All of my writing before Warehouse has always been science fiction. You should see my browser history... I've done way too much Googling to make sure my science is accurate, or at least makes sense in a futuristic world. Hey, at least I learn stuff!

    Commented on: July 18, 2014

  • Gifted

    More great action in this chapter! Again, the fight scenes were very exciting and kept me riveted until the end. I thought for a moment there 256 might kill that rebel woman. I'm very glad he didn't have to, though. It was interesting that he imagined her being Carey there for a minute...

    Michelle, hmm? Very interesting. 805 clearly has something to hide although I'm not sure what that might be. My first thought is that she could be his current/former wife/girlfriend. Or perhaps she's his daughter? Either way, it likely wouldn't do for the Gifted to find out about her.

    I'd like to take a brief moment to say that 3379 is a (insert foul name of your choice here). She's great to have in a fight, but otherwise... She's a cold, cruel, ruthless woman. She also makes me question the overall wisdom of the Gifted's disobey-and-die policy when she says she should just kill 256 right then. I mean, sure 256 might not be overly useful in a fight and yes he's made mistakes and broken rules, but when you're up against an enemy like these new rebels, it probably isn't the best time to start killing your own team :P

    Overall, a great chapter. I'm excited to see what happens next :D

    Commented on: July 15, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    See, now you've got me thinking. I've only flown twice late at night like that and both times the plane was nearly empty. The first time for a few minutes I was the only passenger on the plane! I was concerned they'd bump me to another flight to save the fuel. Other people came onboard though, but now I want to know what happens if only one person buys a ticket for a particular flight. I'm getting too far off topic. I digress. Honestly though, I just assumed that all late-night flights were like that :P

    That doctor isn't empathetic at all XD He's pretty much solely focused on taking care of his patients and curing them. He doesn't really care that much how Ariana feels about Adrian. As far as he's concerned a life is a life and Ariana can help save Adrian's. Feelings and emotions don't matter so much to him. You'll see a bit more of that later on as well.

    I'm glad you found Ariana's reaction realistic. It was tough and I wasn't sure exactly how she would respond to the situation. That's actually what I eventually went with. She doesn't know how to feel about Adrian's illness and there's a part of her (a part she's not yet willing to speak about) that would probably be happy if Adrian died since, if he did, she would be free.

    Commented on: July 15, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Thanks for the comment! With Ariana telling her story so quickly, I was going for the idea that she is coming to terms with it more than she ever has before. She's opening up more and healing but I agree that it happens way too fast. I think I overdid it :P I'll edited that bit when I get the chance. Maybe include her thought process as she decides to tell her story or something. I'll work on it.

    You're absolutely right that Kayla's dad (Who, by the way, I've just realized has never had his name mentioned in this) isn't solely responsible for what happened to Claire and by extension Ariana. He's partly to blame, clearly, but as you say Kayla is responsible for involving Dwayne. Kayla blames herself already, but from Penny's point of view Kayla's dad was the adult in the situation and so she puts the blame for everything squarely on him. As far as she's concerned, he involved their daughter in a very dangerous situation that had already split up their marriage and a girl was killed because of it. Penny's incredibly biased in this :P Ariana, being Ariana, tries to give him the benefit of the doubt, but Penny won't even let her finish. The poor woman is holding on to a lot of grudges and I'd really like to see them resolved some day.

    I'm glad your first thought was that Adrian had escaped XD I wasn't necessarily trying to make readers think that, but I'm glad you did. You're right that having him escape would be horribly cliché and having him come after Ariana would feel like a rehash of Dwayne hunting down Kayla. I like to do the unexpected thing and keep people guessing, which is why I'm also glad I surprised you with the ending :P Originally there was to be at least one more chapter (and perhaps another that would have been a flashback to Kayla's time on the run before she met Ariana) before Ariana got that call but I started thinking if I held that back much longer people might start expecting something big was coming :D

    Commented on: July 14, 2014

  • Gifted

    Yay, more action! I absolutely love your actions scenes, they're very well done. 805 is a pretty awesome fighter. He's like the Jack Bauer of the Gifted world. (I apologize in advance if you have no idea who that is XD) It was nice to see 256 come up with the escape plan, although I did want to warn him that lighting a fire in an enclosed space with little oxygen isn't the best idea. If only the Gifted knew science...

    I'm suddenly curious if the rebels who attacked them are Otherworlders (I don't know what to call them :P) or if they're just villagers who have gotten their hands on Other World weapons. If it is, in fact, an Other World invasion I would have expected them to arrive in force. Perhaps these people are just a scouting party? Although if they were sent to survey the Gifted and report back, they probably wouldn't be wantonly murdering the Gifted. Now I've poked a hole in my own theory. I'm going to stop now.

    On the rebellion's side of things, it was great to finally see the gang back together again! It was good to see a new, softer side to Samantha during her conversation with Carey. She's always so hard and cold and seeing that she does have a compassionate part of herself underneath the tough exterior is nice. Janelle, meanwhile, took the news about Thomas quite well. I half expected some tension between them after Sam kept that secret from her for so long. I'm glad it didn't go that way, and it's actually understandable seeing that Janelle's daughter is Gifted. It makes sense that she'd understand where Samantha was coming from when she decided to keep her secrets.

     

    Commented on: July 10, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Haha, Kayla's mom is inspired somewhat by my mom and she's pretty old-school in that regard! She's asked that same question of anyone I've ever dated. She claims she's joking but personally I think she wishes we lived in a time when people married off their daughters when they're twelve XD. But yeah, Penny wasn't seriously suggesting Kayla should propose when she asked that. She was poking fun at Kayla and didn't really expect her to say she was already planning on doing it. She just didn't have time to say anything because Ariana interrupted them. They'll have a talk in the next chapter about whether or not Kayla's really ready for that kind of commitment.

    Yeah, the whole point of going to Kayla's hometown was to show a lot more of her life. It was a great opportunity to talk more about Claire and their relationship in detail. You'll meet more of Kayla's friends in the next chapter. They're a little wild, but they're fun :P As for the engagement scene, yeah it's cheesy. I actually toned it down from the first version I wrote. It was so sweet it was positively nauseating XD.

    San Diego really is a nice place and the total opposite of my city. I've only been there once, but honestly I didn't want to come home XD. I'm glad it reminds you of home though! The only place that reminds me of home is Coruscant from Star Wars...

    And hey... maybe Penny has a unique way of storing her potatoes. Using a pantry for that is so out of date XD. I almost want to keep that typo in. That's really funny! Anyway, you've caught up to me! Blame Pretty Little Liars for my slow writing of late :P I'm binge watching season 2 at the moment and I can't stop myself. 

     

    Commented on: July 9, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    I've been considering changing some of Adrian's dialogue for a while now. At first I thought, given that it is a dream, Ariana's subconscious might make him even more villainous and evil than he really is. Adrian was never like that when he had her locked in the closet. He didn't say things like that to her and he never would. He always said sweet and loving things, despite what he was doing to her. I wrote it that way originally, but for a dream it felt wrong somehow. I may tone it down a little though, because like you say it probably would raise the fear factor if he seemed more realistic :D

    The song is the same one she sang before. She knows she heard it as a child and really wants to remember it because her mother sang it to her. I don't expect anyone to guess what song it is as it's pretty obscure XD The reference to Ariana's daughter's name is likewise obscure. I'd be really surprised if anyone caught it because Ariana sounds like she's talking about something else entirely when she says it. That's the only hint you get :P

    Commented on: July 9, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    They did do quite a lot, but it's definitely possible to do it all. Coney Island and the aquarium are literally right next to each other and the two museums they went to are both in Central Park so they're easily within walking distance. The only thing that would take time would be traveling from Coney Island to Central Park, which depending on traffic shouldn't even take an hour. I'll stop now before I start giving you turn-by-turn directions :P

    It's not surprising at all that you don't think of 9/11 that often. I watched those buildings collapse out of my living room window and I don't even think about it that often anymore. I almost cut that part honestly, because I thought it might come off as offensive to some but I really liked Ariana's reaction to it and so I ended up keeping it. Thankfully, no one's said it's inappropriate yet and I hope no one finds it so.

    There's just nothing I can say about Claire that's not a spoiler XD. I suppose I can say that she will return again in the future and you will, eventually, learn what she is.

    As for Ari's daughter, (her name has already been mentioned by the way, although so far no one I've asked has caught it until they get to the chapter later on where Ariana reveals it :P) again anything I say would be a spoiler. I guess I can say that anything is possible and the outcome of that storyline may, or may not, come as a surprise. Wow, that was cryptic wasn't it? XD  

    Commented on: July 7, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    If you don't like guns, you wouldn't want to stop by my uncle's house. He's got an arsenal, literally XD He has over 200 guns and a whole room dedicated to them! Although, if the zombies rise, aliens invade, or the British decide to come for their back taxes I know exactly where to go :P With Ariana though, yeah she's got a couple of good reasons to fear them, although learning how to shoot might help her out some day.

    I'm the same way about the ocean! It's kind of always present here so I've never had that 'Wow!' moment of seeing it the first time. By the way, I like making people think about things! Philosophy was always one of my favorite subjects. Don't get me started on it though, I'll go on and on and on XD.

    And you should definitely come to New York! If you can stand the crowds and have a good sense of direction, you'll love it :P I'm still happy you've got a feeling that anything can happen, because that was what I wanted!

    Commented on: July 7, 2014

  • Gifted

    805 is a very bitter guy, isn't he? He clearly has his reasons for being that way, though. I must say he was actually likable in this chapter! I never know which version of him I'm going to get, so to see him as he is in this chapter was really good. He's relatable, in a way, what with his shattered hopes and ideals. He also seems to care for 256... well, at least a little bit :P

    3349 definitely brought some humor to the chapter. She teased 256 about his height (Being 5 foot 1 myself, I understand his pain as my friends tease me all the time XD) and telling him he looked like a 12 year old girl were both greats lines from her. She's mean but I can't help but like her :D

    And it seems Janelle might just have a little bit of a crush on Reagan. I'm not exactly comfortable with that. We're still not trusting him over here, by the way XD

    Commented on: July 4, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Never apologize for being a nerd :P You're talking to the girl who has attended Comic-Con dressed up as 7 of 9 from Star Trek. I never once apologized. (I probably should have, but that's neither here nor there.)

    Seriously though, the Fluffers the Cat thing... it's not something I do intentionally. I keep catching myself doing it and I always change it whenever I see it, but for whatever reason I keep doing it. An odd writing quirk I have I guess :D As for nighty/nightie, I actually Googled it beforehand because I'd seen it written both ways and wasn't sure which was correct. Suffice to say, I'm still not sure which one is right :P I flipped a coin and 'nighty' won. Nightie looks better though, so I may change it. By the way; I'm now referring to cotton candy only as fairy floss from this point forward XD

    Ari's scared of clowns because, yes, they're extremely creepy :D I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds them disturbing.

    I'm glad you don't know where the story is going, because that's exactly what I was aiming for with the next several chapters. I was essentially freeform writing with no real direction or goal in mind, I know that sounds terribly lazy but when something big does happen I want it to be a shock and a completely unexpected surprise that comes out of nowhere. I don't want anyone to see it coming :P Also, just because they're happy doesn't automatically mean something bad is about to happen! Admittedly, it usually does happen to these girls, but keep hope alive :D

    Almost forgot! San Diego is California's southernmost city. It's almost on the US-Mexico border. I've been down there a couple of times in the summer and it's so nice! It has a small town feel in a way even though its a good sized city. It's a very good change of pace from the way things are up here in NYC :D 

    Commented on: June 30, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Haha, yep it's a small world! (Or is it? O.o) I was going to call this chapter 'Six Degrees of Separation' just because of that but it was such a small part of the chapter that I decided against it. Rose will definitely be back at some point, but I'm not sure when. I've got some ideas, but nothing concrete yet.

    Their relationship, for the time being, will mostly be as it was. It's more that Ariana now knows exactly what Kayla is capable of and she has to come to grips with Kayla's dark side and find a way to prepare for the day it comes out again. There is definitely still a part of Ariana that's mad at Kayla and there will be times that she reminds Kayla just how badly she hurt her.  

    I think it's pretty clear that Ariana will have to come face to face with her father at some point. I'll not say how that will come about, or when, but obviously it has to eventually. It'll be an interesting meeting, I'll just leave it at that. 

    Thanks for mentioning the bit about monologuing! That's an issue I have whenever I have one character speaking without anyone else talking for a while. I never know what reads better; just letting them keep talking or break it up in some way. If I break it up, it seems to lose a little of the impact in some way and yet like you say, if they just keep talking it reads like a monologue. I'll work on breaking it up soon and see if it helps. By the way, everything you said made perfect sense :D

    On the Dr Pinder/Dr. Bradley bit; his name is Bradley Pinder (I really should mention his full name again in this chapter because he hasn't been seen since chapter 10). It was something I introducing back in chapter 23 in Ari's diary. I thought she would have some sort of nickname for him that no one else called him (Kay-Kay, for example). So, she calls him Dr Bradley while Kayla and his colleagues at work call him Dr Pinder as their relationship is more professional while Ari's is closer and more friendly. I should probably change it or somehow mention that only Ari calls him that so people know what's going on :D

    Commented on: June 27, 2014

  • Nocturnal

    This chapter was intriguing to say the least. There are lots of hints and threads dangled if very few outright details given, which so early in the storyline is a good thing in my opinion.

    So much for Rose's 'dream' then. Derek is quite the interesting character. I found myself liking him despite knowing very little about him. It should be fun watching him try to befriend Rose and integrate into a high school setting.

    As for the Abeo Hibou (interesting name by the way), they seem to be some sort of shape-shifters that are clearly at war. Whether they're at war with their own species or... something else entirely should be fun to find out. I wonder what powers Rose has that will help them?

    Commented on: June 26, 2014

  • Gifted

    While I wouldn't have considered that a spoiler at all, it definitely not what I was thinking on the murder aspect. I was fully expecting some sort of assassination or something. I'm very glad it didn't go that way. It was interesting to learn a bit more about the Other Worlds. At the first mention of the strange weapons and the descriptions of the wounds they caused I half expected them to be modern day firearms and that the Other Worlds might be real world countries. This was immediately shot down by the reveal that the weapons were arrows. I never considered arrows because I had always assumed that bows and arrows were already around on the island. I makes sense as the Gifted would see no need for them, but it was a nice surprise nonetheless.

    As for Janelle's portion of the chapter, let's just say Reagan continues to creep me out and I'm not really sure why. He seems like a nice guy, but he worries me. Especially now that he's so skilled with a sword. Where'd he learn those skills? I briefly thought he might but the Gifted murderer, but I don't think the timelines line up for that to work. He would have already been with the rebels by the time the murders took place. Regardless, I don't trust him. :P

    Overall, a very good chapter. Anxiously awaiting a Janelle/Sam/Carey reunion :D

    Commented on: June 26, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Thanks for commenting! You're completely right about the sappiness of the early chapters. Others have said the same thing. It's really sweet and cute and fluffy and while you'll start to see some dark things have happened as these girl's back stories are revealed, there's really no conflict or threat to either of them for quite some time. Later on, though, it doesn't get very dark indeed and there's much less sappiness, I promise :D I promise, I'll get back to yours tomorrow. I'll have some free time and I'll be able to get to several of the stories I'm trying to read.

    Commented on: June 25, 2014

  • Nocturnal

    First, let me commend you for writing this in first person. I'm in the process of trying that style of writing and I'm finding it rather difficult, so I respect those who manage to make it work. As for the chapter itself, I really enjoyed your descriptions. They were detailed, but not overly so to the point of being annoying. The sentences all flowed very well and your paragraphs weren't overly long (a problem I suffer from terribly).

    I'll admit that I got a 'Twilight' vibe from the description and the title, but once I started reading that disappeared almost entirely and quite honestly I'm very glad it did. Nothing against Twilight, it's just not my style. I can't really comment on the character Rose yet because we don't learn any real details about her except that she's having this creepy dream, but I'm sure she'll become more developed as the story progresses.

    The only critique I have is that there were a few spelling and punctuation errors here and there. Nothing that a quick editing pass wouldn't fix. Good job so far. I look forward to reading more.

    Commented on: June 24, 2014

  • Gifted

    This is a prime example of the fact that not much has to happen in a chapter to make it a very interesting read. Carey's reaction to 440's death and her role in it surprised me, I must say. I can't say I'd be all that inclined to bury the man who one tried to rape and murder me. However, I can see how Carey would be effected by killing 440. Regardless of what he did, she killed him. That would have to take a powerful emotional toll on her.

    It was very good to see Carey and Sam getting along for once. I've always liked Sam, but she was irritating me a little when she was being so mean to Carey, even if she did have her reasons. I enjoyed getting the details of Samantha's mysterious secrets at last. Of course, doing so just opened up new mysteries. Something is clearly going on with Sam and Thomas's family. I want to think that 805 might somehow be involved with them. Perhaps he was the Assessor that didn't take Thomas? Eh... it's a stretch, I suppose, but my mind works that way :P

    Commented on: June 24, 2014

  • Gifted

    Although I didn't expect to feel this way, 440 was redeemed somewhat in this chapter. The way he begged for 256's forgiveness in his final moments really revealed so much of the boy he once was. It doesn't excuse the things he did, but I do feel a little bit of compassion for him now at the very least. Well done. As for Carey, she made the right decision in ending 440's suffering. She could have easily left him there to die, but instead took the merciful route and I liked that.

    It's also interesting to note that Carey sees Samantha and Thomas as lovers...

    805 continues to be a very interesting, albeit infuriatingly confusing character (that's a good thing in my opinion, by the way). For the life of me I cannot figure him out. He's drinking on the job, which I'm pretty sure the Gifted wouldn't approve of and he was positively sweet to the little nonGifted girl. (I was drinking orange juice when I got to the 'Mister Gifted' part. I laughed quite a lot and... let's just say complications arose :P) Then he goes on to say that he'll cast his ideals aside the second the Gifted give him orders. The guy is definitely a hypocrite, but hey, at least he admits it.

    And to wrap up, naturally I must mention that cliffhanger. With 805 and 256 seemingly out to do murder, I'm suddenly very uncomfortable as to the safety of some of my favorite characters. It is odd though that 805 was afraid. He had no problem killing that woman in the forest, so why should he be worried now? Very curious indeed :D

    Commented on: June 24, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Yeah, this chapter is very long. I went way over my 6500 word limit on this one :P I've thought about splitting it up, but like you said there's not really a good point to do so. Once I'm finished with the story, I'll likely try to find a good point to split it because it bugs me that it's so long. I even dread doing an editing pass on it XD

    Ariana is very forgiving so yeah, Kayla's speech definitely softened her a bit. Deep down, she's still hurt but she has her reasons for letting Kayla off the hook so easily which she'll talk about in the next chapter. She's still going to carry what Kayla did around with her for a good while though, even if she seems perfectly happy on the outside. It changed her view of their relationship and of Kayla herself and not in a positive way. She sees how cruel Kayla could be in certain circumstances now.

    'Damn' would probably be considered a very light swear word over here, depending on where in the country you're from. I'm from New York and pretty much nothing's off limits up here, but I've got friends in the south and down there things must be a little different because apparently its not as acceptable there. Kayla was surprised just because it was Ariana that said it. If it had been anyone else she wouldn't have been but since Ariana's... well, she's Ariana, it came as a bit of a shock. I might change it so she says something else. No F-bombs because again she's Ariana, but I've got options :P

    Also, thanks for pointing out the comma/period issue. I'll be sure to correct that in my next editing pass and I'll watch out for in the future. Thanks!

    Commented on: June 23, 2014

  • Gifted

    Wow, I wasn't even thinking about that when I was typing that comment!  Good catch, though! :D I must have Game of Thrones on the brain or something :P

    Commented on: June 18, 2014

  • Gifted

    Wow, so much happened in this chapter! Starting with 805, I'm still not sure what to make of him. I want to hate him for being a ruthless killer that murders innocent women, and yet after learning a bit more about him I can sort of see where he's coming from. In his mind, he's just doing his job. He may not like it, he may not want to do it but that's the world he lives in. He's just following the orders of his superiors and the rules laid down by the Council. That's not to say I suddenly like him or that I think he's any less of a jerk :P I just understand him a bit better.

    It was rather unsettling to see how he felt about the nonGifted though. He does seem to buy into the idea that the Gifted are superior to everyone else, especially when he said that the only punishment for the nonGifted is death while this is untrue for the Gifted. 805 is one complex guy.

    On Carey's side of things is obviously where the action happens in this chapter. Once again you've broken my heart with a truly tragic death. Rest in peace, Rosa. You will be missed. :( Thomas turning out to be Gifted instead of Samantha was a nice twist (although Sam could obviously still be Gifted too). At the very least the rebels have two Gifted on the team now, although I'm assuming Thomas isn't very good at controlling his abilities what with his hands being the way they are.

    It was also interesting to learn that Carey can turn other people invisible as well. Since other Gifted can create walls of ice and fire, could Carey perhaps make a bubble of invisibility? I'm envisioning her turning a rebel army invisible and sneaking them into the Gifted headquarters. Anyway, a very good chapter overall. The action scenes were very well done and there's a lot of good new information to be gleaned. Looking forward to seeing what happens next!

    Commented on: June 17, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Thanks for commenting! You make a very good point about Ariana forgiving Kayla too quickly. It doesn't help that this chapter and the next were supposed to be one chapter but due to length I lopped off the upper third of chapter 25 and shifted the rest to make up all of 26. There's definitely a pretty heated fight between the two of them by the end of 26.

    I didn't want Ariana to be angry with Kayla at the beginning of this one mainly because I felt that after hearing Kayla recount everything that had happened, Ariana's not the sort of person to tear into them about anything else right then. She's still upset and hurt, but like you say she's really trying to deal with the realization that it's suddenly six months later and so much has changed. That, and doesn't want to hurt Kayla when she's so happy, despite how terrible what she did was.

    On the point of platonic relationships and friendships, I couldn't agree more! I'm a sucker for them too. I usually don't write them very often because I've found that if I make it the central focus it doesn't go well for me, but I love reading about them.

    Commented on: June 16, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Yeah, Kayla's definitely going too far with this one. In her mind, I think she believes that she's already lost Ariana anyway so if it doesn't work out she won't be any worse off than she was before. Of course, her mind doesn't always work like most people's do so she often comes up with really terrible plans :P

    Rose will likely show up again in the future. I'm not sure exactly when I'll bring her back though. There's actually a brief reference to her in chapter 23 but it's so vague no one would probably ever notice it.

    Thanks for pointing out the exclamation marks. I'll happily admit that I'm terrible with punctuation. I'll tidy that up a bit on my next editing pass :D And yes, the title is a The Rains of Castamere reference. I don't really want to talk about it... that episode makes me sad. Never get married in Westeros. Stupid weddings... :P 

    Commented on: June 11, 2014

  • Gifted

    Another good chapter! I see what you meant about my opinion of 805 changing soon. It most certainly did in this chapter and now I'm not sure what to make of him. He seems to be a person looking to make reforms in the Gifted regime and relax some of their more extreme laws on one hand, but then he murders a defenseless girl who was only trying to save her child. And then how he seems to be able to read 256's mind as well... I'm gonna have to think about this for a while, try to sort it out.  He's quite the interesting character, that's for sure.

    I must say that I'm developing a bit of a girl crush on Janelle XD. She's really turned into a responsible leader. She's taking the revolution seriously and seems to be making wise choices. While I'm pretty sure this road trip isn't going to end well for her, she's still becoming the leader the rebellion needs and I'm proud of her :D

    Reagan continues to make me uncomfortable. I just can't figure him out. There were clearly more hints about him in this chapter, but I still can't fathom a guess at what he's up to. I suppose he could be completely innocent and up to nothing at all. He's just that happy to be there. That'd be a nice plot twist, actually, if a bit anti-climactic.

    Oh and by the way, you've given me my new favorite word: Niggle. XD! Before today I can safely say I've never heard it before, but now I have no choice but to add it to my daily speech. My previous favorite word (medulla oblongata, don't ask...) was a bit hard to say in normal everyday conversations. And that was far more than you needed to know... I'm gonna stop now...

    Commented on: June 10, 2014

  • Gifted

    Great chapter! I'm glad to see 256 again. While I enjoyed following Carey/Janelle's story without any breaks for a while there, I've missed the guy. The flashback at the beginning was excellent. It was good to learn more about 256's past and it helped me understand him better. It's terrible what happened to him and it makes me hate the Gifted regime even more.

    805 seems very interesting. From what little I've seen of him I kind of like him. (Which is probably a terrible mistake because that likely means he'll turn out to be an evil, ruthless toolbag XD) Perhaps if he earns a seat on the Council he'll become the source of an internal uprising within the Gifted what with the way those with the Gift of Earth are treated. I'm reaching again... I've got to stop that.

    Anyway, overall a very good chapter. I'm looking forward to finding out what mission 805 and 256 are going on. I'm pretty sure its not going to be to do anything good...

    Commented on: June 5, 2014

  • Gifted

    And so Carey officially joins the rebels! Yay! I'm far more excited about that than I probably should be but that's okay. Now, if only they could plot some sort of daring rescue mission to spring 256 from what I can't help but imagine is the Gifted version of Azkaban from Harry Potter, I'd be immensely happy XD.

    Joking aside, I greatly enjoyed this chapter. I was glad to see Carey finally realize that getting back home won't be as easy as she's been thinking. I was worried that she would try to get to her village regardless of what Janelle said (Carey hasn't always made the wisest of choices, after all). It was good to see that she made really the only choice she could have made and joined the rebellion. Well, I suppose she could have chosen to live alone like a hermit in a cave up in the mountains, but what would that accomplish?

    I'm still suspicious of Reagan. He's too excited to be there and too happy to meet random people. That, and I'm automatically wary of overzealous huggers XD. If he's some sort of Gifted spy, then he's the worst (or maybe the best O.o) spy ever. I don't know, but I think he's up to something.

    And Samantha! Okay, so I didn't buy that her story was mostly lies like she claimed, but I didn't expect her to confront Carey like that! I fully believe she's Gifted now... or maybe Thomas is and the story was about him? Sam's protecting him? Maybe they're both Gifted! Okay, I've got to lay off the conspiracy theories... but hey, you're definitely making me think!

    Commented on: May 31, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Not to worry! My own comments are slow right now, so I completely understand. Please, never feel pressured to comment! We're not getting paid for any of this after all XD!

    Anyway, yeah this chapter came to be mainly because writer's block hit me like a sledgehammer during this chapter (which was supposed to contain what takes place in chapters 24 and 25, neither of which am I satisfied with to this day) and so I took a friend's request to tell the whole story over again from Ariana's POV and the idea of 'clip show' that some TV shows are known to do when they go back and show scenes from earlier episodes and the pieces just fell into place. It also let me tell Fluffers' story, which I'd been trying to work in for a while :D

    As for Ari's mother... well, I'll say only that you're right. There's more to it than that, and she might not have done it for the reasons you're thinking O.o

    Commented on: May 30, 2014

  • Gifted

    Hey, sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this. I had a really strange week... Anyway, another good chapter. I must say that this chapter is making me suspicious of everyone XD! Samantha; who I'm starting to truly believe wasn't lying with her story before. Reagan; who seems oddly... I don't know. Something's off about him. I think I would have felt that way even if Janelle hadn't been suspicious of him. And, of course, there's Thomas. He seems like he'll be an interesting character. His introduction added a bit more mystery to the story, which to me one can never have enough of :D

    I've got to say, I really liked Janelle in this chapter. She seems to be trying to become a real leader now, so that's good. Telling Carey that her village is likely being watched showed that she's thinking logically. That's exactly the sort of thinking she'll need to lead the rebellion.

    Carey's interrogation was also quite well done. I'm interested to see if Carey will join the rebels (assuming she can convince them she's not an evil Gifted spy) or if she'll ignore Janelle's warning and try to return home regardless.

    Commented on: May 25, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Haha! Yep you were right! That was an incredibly disconnected payoff for that brief mention all that time ago. I don't think Kayla put it together with what Ariana was going to tell her. I don't think she even remembers the conversation. A lot's happened since then, after all XD. You'll learn a bit more about what happened in the next chapter, although not too much. It'll be a sad story for sure once its told in its entirety, but that won't happen for quite some time yet. (Blame LOST for my evil plot threads that hang for numerous chapters. That show made me into a truly infuriating writer :D)

    Kayla's really going about this completely the wrong way, isn't she? That scene where she's recounting their relationship was absolutely meant to be sad and sweet and yet clearly the wrong thing for Kayla to do, so I'm very glad you were thinking 'it's too much' during that part :D I'm also glad you found their reactions realistic. I was a bit worried about that part initially due to the time jump that skips over a lot of it and I tried to make their interactions after the jump seem 'colder' than before the jump given that their obviously not getting along that well. It seems to work anyway :P

    Commented on: May 19, 2014

  • Gifted

    Okay, so it's roughly 2am and I've been awake since 6am yesterday and I'm exhausted, but I can't get to sleep so here I am. I said that so you'll know that if anything I say here makes absolutely no sense, well you know why XD

    Anyway, very good chapter. Samantha's story was intriguing and I'm not sure I believe she was lying. As Carey said, that story was well thought out. There's no way she came up with that on the fly. I'm very interested to see where that goes!

    And poor Carey! How she'll get out of this one, I have no idea. I feel like she'll have a tough time convincing the rebels that she's on their side. I still don't see the rebels resorting to torture, but I expect some sort of serious interrogation happening in the next chapter.

    One thing that I noticed was that it seemed odd that Janelle was so certain Carey was no threat very quickly. I would have thought, given recent events, that she would be overly suspicious of everyone but most particularly a Gifted girl that just strode into their secret headquarters. Not a big deal, just something that struck me as odd.

    Commented on: May 17, 2014

  • Gifted

    Poor 256! I'm really worried about the guy. I can imagine what sort of punishments the Gifted could come up with and none of them are particularly pleasant. I hope he'll be okay...

    I was glad that someone finally told Janelle what she needed to hear. I've felt sorry for Janelle since the rebel's defeat, (her reaction to that event and her continued moping and self-doubt since then was realistic, expected, and wholly justified) however I'm glad to see that she's finally getting the strength and courage to own her failures but realize that she can still be a good leader regardless. I don't think she's fully ready to resume her position, but she seems to be on her way.

    She really needed to hear what Marvin said to her. He actually expressed my own feelings on the matter quite well! I had suspected that Samantha would be the one to talk some sense into her, but I liked that Marvin did it instead. As much as I mistrusted him initially, he comes across as being very wise. I still think there's more to him than what he's revealed so far, but he seems to have both the good of Janelle and the rebellion at heart.

    I'm worried about Carey, of course. Although, I'd like to ask her why in the world she decided to waltz into an unknown building in the middle of the forest while still wearing her Gifted uniform. I'm sure it's cold outside, but she'd have been better off going in there stark naked than wearing that! She needs to have a talk with someone about thinking before she does things :D I do imagine the rebels are going to capture her now and question her. I don't see Janelle resorting to torture to get information out of her, but I'm still concerned. I hope she'll be able to convince the rebels that they are on the same side.

     

    Commented on: May 15, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Everyone automatically assumes Claire is a ghost, which considering how she's represented in this chapter, is a perfectly reasonable assumption. I still can't say too much about her due to her involvement with the ending, but I will say that she isn't a ghost in the traditional sense. I'm glad she interests you, but unfortunately there won't be any real revelations about her for quite some time yet. ;)

    I had entirely too much fun writing memoryless Ariana. I got to completely rework a character that I've known for a long time now and that was really exciting. I messed around with exactly how she would act for a long time. I even made a sort of Anti-Ariana at one point where she was the total opposite of the original Ariana in every way. She was really mean XD. But yeah, the version I settled on really is a completely different person and there's really none of the old Ariana left in her.

    I'm glad you mentioned that Ariana is under too much pressure, because you're completely right. Kayla's putting a lot of pressure (and will continue to put even more) on her to remember and that's something that could easily blow up in her face at some point. But that's Kayla, though. She's terrible at dealing with this kind of stuff and tries to bulldoze over the problem to get the result she wants, but it never really works out way she plans :D

    Commented on: May 14, 2014

  • Gifted

    Excellent chapter! This one hits you right in the feels at every turn! All those emotions! I was very happy to see Carey at last escape the Gifted's clutches, but also devastated that 256 didn't go with her. I was almost sure he would!

    Speaking of 256, his journey and growth throughout the story so far has been exceptionally well done! From the terrifying Assessor at the beginning, to Carey's stiff and uncompromising kidnapper, then to a sort of mentor and friend, and now the hero that let's her go despite knowing the consequences of doing so. 256's evolution continues to be one of my favorite parts of this story. I certainly hope Carey and 256 reunite at some point, but I suspect Carey is going to stumble across a certain group of revolutionaries in the near future which might put my hopes of their reunion on hold for a while.

    Also, you were correct that I dislike 440 even more now than I did before XD. Perhaps when whatever it is that 256 and 440 did is revealed (and the punishment that they each received for it) I'll have a bit more compassion for him, but for now I still want to punch him a little bit :P

     

    Commented on: May 12, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Nope, they really can't catch a break! A series of unfortunate events might be a suitable description XD. On the memory loss bit, I knew I had to do something and not just have her wake up and be perfectly fine. I almost went with something else because memory loss was kind of predictable. Oh well. I'm glad you found it interesting :D I'll say that Ariana's inner battle might take a more outwardly course in the future... Is that a spoiler? Probably not. It probably didn't even make sense...

    I'll definitely be doing some editing on this chapter when I get around to making another editing pass. I tried downplaying most of the references to the supernatural (which, yes you are correct, this is) when writing from Kayla's POV in an effort to keep it in the background as much as possible where she's concerned (Claire notwithstanding). But all it really did is make it seem as though Ariana's impossible recovery was nothing out of the ordinary when it clearly isn't. I'll get working on changing that soon. Thanks!

    Commented on: May 9, 2014

  • Gifted

    Another good chapter! Not a good one for the rebellion, of course, but a good one for the readers. With seven rebels already dead to only one Gifted, my favorite rebellion isn't starting off very well.

    256's past continues to intrigue. I'm developing ideas about what he and 440 did, but I suspect I'm way off. Speaking of 440, I'll simply say that I do not like him. What he seemed to suggest 256 do to Carey gave me chills... and reminded me how the Gifted think of regular people. I must say that the conversation between those two was interesting and enlightening. Also, 256 seems to have some fight in him if he gets mad!

    Poor Janelle. I feel bad for her quite often, but never so bad as I did in this chapter. She's sunk about as low as she can after the Lake Village slaughter. She reactions to what happened and her role in it come across as very realistic in that she blames herself completely and now doubts her ability as a leader even more than she did before. Considering how slow Janelle's story began, I'm now just as interested in her and Sam's story as I am in Carey and 256's. You've really ramped up the story of the rebellion and the two girls at the forefront of it, so great job on that!

    Also, very interesting about Janelle's sister being her daughter instead. I began to suspect something like that I couple of chapters back, but I wasn't completely sure that was the way you were going with it. I see now why Janelle was so motivated to overthrow the Gifted. Now, I must learn Sam's secrets!

    Commented on: May 6, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Haha, yes I debated for a long time just how long to let Ariana's life hang without a resolution or really even an update. If it's keeping you coming back, I guess I chose right :D 

    Claire is... Claire is an enigma wrapped up in a mystery that we won't be unraveling for quite some time yet. She's involved with the ending, so I don't want to say too much about what she is or isn't. I've already probably said to much XD

    Kayla is definitely coming to terms with the fact that Ariana isn't coming back at this point(that's not to say she isn't, of course!). It's good for her because she obviously doesn't handle death very well at all. I'm glad you find her grieving process realistic :D. I had quite a bit of trouble writing it. 

    Oh, Alana! Yeah, she's got a crush. I get to have some fun with the two of them later on... Alana's not very good with the flirting.

    Commented on: May 4, 2014

  • Gifted

    Okay, so I held off reading this chapter because I just had a terrible feeling that it would make me sad and, naturally, it did. So, here we are XD

    Overall, I enjoyed the action scenes. They were described very well without going into far too much detail about each movement the combatants made. It was interesting to see Gifts in conjunction with the rest of the melee. Good job!

    So, on to storyline points. Carey didn't fair very well at all. It would have been odd had she been particularly successful against Janelle given that the latter has been training for a long time for this, so I liked that she failed even though she's one of my favorite characters. 

    I really felt for Janelle in this chapter. Her first attempt at open rebellion ended in complete failure and she lost a lot of good people. Hopefully she'll learn from this and come back stronger, but I have a bad feeling that this defeat might just break her spirit. I'm not sure how many fellow revolutionaries she lost, but no matter what it will surely devastating both to Janelle as the leader and to the future of the rebellion.

    Not James and Emma!!! I knew this wasn't going to end well and that people were going to die and I wasn't overly surprised that both of them died, but I was surprised at how bad I felt about it. Considering how little face time we've had with them, I didn't expect their deaths to hit me that hard. That's a sign of good writing, though! 

    Commented on: May 1, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Yeah, Kayla definitely needed someone willing to stop tiptoeing around her and tell her the truth. Sometimes that's what it takes to get through to someone and Kayla absolutely needed some cold, hard truth about how she's been acting. That's Alana, though. She's usually very... direct XD. I intentionally added some humor to this chapter because, quite frankly, I was getting depressed writing this. Everything has been dark for a while now even I needed a break from it!

    Kayla has pretty drastic moods swings! One moment, like at the end of this chapter, she seems to be doing better and then she's down again and then back up. She really doesn't know what to feel most of the time. She's kind of lost right now, but I think she actually expects Ariana to die so she's beginning to prepare herself for what she feels is inevitable. Poor girl has a very pessimistic additude towards... everything really :P

    Haha, I'm glad you don't want Ariana to die XD! Fun fact: I actually wrote both outcomes, one where she dies and the other where she survives. Given how much the idea of fate plays into this story, I flipped a coin to decide which one I would use :D  

     

    Commented on: April 26, 2014

  • Gifted

    So, the rebellion begins! I'm very uncomfortable with this plan of Janelle's. She has very little actual leadership experience and she's taking a team of recruits to fight a squad of Gifted that was assembled specifically to hunt them down. I don't think this is going to end well for my favorite revolutionaries, but the next chapter should definitely be exciting!

    I continue to enjoy Janelle's thought process and the way she doubts herself as a leader. It's very realistic that she would have doubts and fears and even lack confidence in herself, so well done there. I am a little worried that a few of the others aren't taking all this nearly as seriously as they should. Particularly James, who even says he's only there for the adventure of it all. Despite the fact that I think he's going to get the group in trouble soon, I still like him!

    Poor Carey just can't catch a break! I actually thought she might manage to escape that time! Very good cliffhanger at the end. It made me very excited for the next chapter.

    Commented on: April 24, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you find Kayla's grief realistic. I tend to write overly dramatic at times and I find that I often have to consciously dial that back down because I've far overplayed character's emotions. This is particularly true in Kayla's case. She's supposed to overreact the things, that's part of her nature, but sometimes I go overboard XD.

    I've long fought against (and pretty much defeated) the idea that Cooper could have or might have had some form of romantic feelings toward Ariana. I, too, hate love triangles so it never would have been anything like that. More of a 'I regret I never gave it a shot' type of thing. I don't know. I really prefer the brother/sister bond they have right now though.

    Please, continue to be as picky as you'd like! :D Without anyone pointing out mistakes, flaw, etc, it's hard to fix them! I work on changing that when I do (yet another) editing pass. I'm terrible at editing xD.

     

    Commented on: April 21, 2014

  • Gifted

    Now I want to know what 256 did that he made him feel he deserved what he got. I'm guessing it was pretty bad, whatever it was. Anyway, really good chapter! 256 is without doubt my favorite character now. The banter between him and Carey tends to be hilarious even when the scene is serious and I really like that.

    Carey definitely seems to be influencing him in a positive way. He's not yet questioning his duty or his loyalty to the Gifted, but he doesn't seem to always like or approve of the things he's expected to do, which of course is a good thing. It means he's not a full on company man and could one day change his ways, particularly if he stays in Carey's company for a while longer.

    Also, the Other Worlds? Now I'm immensely curious about that. Since the story takes place on an island, I've been wondering what's going on elsewhere in the world. Now that I see there are whole other worlds out there, well... I confess myself to be intrigued!

    Commented on: April 19, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Please, by all means have nerd moments! I'm notorious for my own nerd moments, so I understand! Actually, I did quite a bit of reading on the effects of people being locked in the dark for extended periods and cherry-picked the ones for Ariana that I liked (liked here having the meaning of 'terrified me').

    I'm glad Adrian seems to disgust you! I know that's an odd thing to be happy about, but I was trying to make him as sick, twisted, and loatheable as possible without getting too gory with the details.

    Ari's mother is a character that I really do need to explore more. You're right that Adrian was very cruel to her as well, which made her a lot like Ariana in her desire to please him although in her case she knew very well that what was happening was wrong. I will say that there is a very good reason why Ariana shot her mother instead of her father when she had the chance ;D

    Commented on: April 19, 2014

  • Gifted

    It was good to get some background info on Marvin! I was expecting him to say that he was Gifted himself seeing as his parents were. I had been assuming Gifts were inherited traits that were passed down through family lines. I'm still not sure if I trust him though. He's suspicious XD

    I enjoyed learning more about the Gifted and their social structure. I didn't expect any sort of hierarchy or caste system based on their respective Gifts, but I really liked it. Good job there.

    I knew Carey would try to escape the Gifted's clutches once out in the wild. I liked the way she seemed to regret leaving 256 behind. While I'm glad she stuck with 256 because I like him and the sort of love/hate relationship they seem to have going, if I had been her I'd have taken the risk and gone for it :P Anyway, good chapter. It seems like these characters are all starting move towards an encounter with each other soon!

    Commented on: April 14, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you mentioned Kayla's views of Ariana because that will turn into an important thing later on. She really is putting Ariana on a pedestal and while she is a very sweet, good person, she's still just human. Kayla's developing a bit of an unhealthy obsession with her for reasons that we'll delve into later. She's also starting to show some cracks in her mental state right about now.

    Thanks for pointing out those errors. You're completely right on all accounts there. I'll definitely do some rewriting there as soon as I can. I was so focused on making sure I brought out as much of Kayla's feelings and emotions that I neglected realism. It works sometimes for the sake of storytelling, but it's far from necessary here. I'll fix it. :D 

    I'll say though that Ariana being dead for as long as she was was done somewhat on purpose. I don't want to say too much because it has to do with the ending (although a few details appear in the next chapter) but there have been supernatural undertones throughout the story so far, what with the idea that fate or destiny is sort of guiding these girls along a predetermined path.

    It was meant to come off as a miracle because you're right, no one could possibly survive that long without oxygen. I probably will change that too though, just so that it is a bit more logical. Thanks again! :D

    Commented on: April 12, 2014

  • Gifted

    The Leader is beginning to worry me. (yeah, as though he wasn't already worrying me before!) Shipping Carey and 256 to help put down the rebellion? He's up to something dastardly, I can feel it! Although perhaps Carey will soon come across a handful of revolutionaries hiding in a basement and decide to join in?

    It's nice to see 256 is worried about Carey going on the mission as well. He really seems to care about what happens to her. I'm starting to see that he's not as much of a Gifted 'Yes Man' as I thought he was. He seems to have perhaps defied the Leader (and apparently lived to tell about it) once before. I wonder what he did?

    Part of me kind of agrees with Janelle and her desire to train hard and long hours. They're up against an army of immensely powerful people and the only weapons they possess are two swords and a bundle of sticks. But while the others, or at least James, might not be taking things as seriously as he should, Janelle's at the other end of the spectrum altogether.

    It seems like her responsibility as a leader of this revolution is starting to wear on her. I think she'll need someone to share the burden of leadership with if they're going to continue. Poor girl shouldn't have to shoulder all of that on her own. Anyway, I've rambled on long enough XD. Good chapter!

    Commented on: April 7, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Oh, no worries! Good luck on that exam :D Hope you do well!

    Let me first say that I'm very similar to George R. R. Martin in regards to the lives of my characters XD. None of them are ever truly safe. That's not to say Ariana dies, of course, although I seriously debated whether or not she would survive. Part of me really wanted to see what Kayla would do if Ariana died and that part put up one hell of a fight trying to win. I wasn't sure, even when I posted that chapter, whether Ariana would survive her wounds or not!

    I'm glad you liked Kayla's acting talents. There was a version that led the reader into thinking that Kayla was actually serious, but I kind of hated it just a little bit so that version died tragically. Additionally, 'bastard' isn't nearly strong enough of a word to describe Dwayne XD. I'll not say what he is here, but well... yeah. I still want to go back and do a little editing to make him even worse. I love writing bad guys, but Adrian's still out there, so I have opportunities. :)

     

     

    Commented on: April 6, 2014

  • Gifted

    Another good chapter! I liked that this one focused solely on Janelle and Company. Their story has been a little slow moving thus far, (which, considering they are trying to overthrow an incredibly powerful enemy while having practically no resources or serious strategy, it really should be) but I was still glad to see them take center stage this time around.

    I found the events at the Rosa's inn to be very realistic. The reactions of the inn patrons were all believable and exactly how most people would respond to being asked to join a rebellion. It was good to see that Janelle did manage to inspire a few people to join her and while they might not be the A-Team when it comes to potential revolutionaries, every rebellion has to start somewhere. (James seems exceptionally proud that he's a musician XD)

    This was the first time I ever actually thought about the fact that these girls don't have any real plan to bring down the Gifted. It makes a certain degree of sense that they really wouldn't have any actual idea of how to do it yet considering that until now it was just the three of them with no supplies, allies, or even a base of operations! It should be interesting to see where their revolution goes from here.

    Commented on: April 3, 2014

  • Gifted

    Very well done with Carey's dream! Wesley's death scene was exceptionally well written and while it was pretty clear it was a dream (a fact which is aided by the italic) it was still a shocking moment. I scared my sister when I shouted 'Wesley, no!' rather loudly. Good going there.

    I loved the interaction between Carey and 256. It was suitably awkward given their relationship thus far. I found myself laughing at some of his reactions. 256 isn't very good at comforting people, is he? Understandably, given the life he's had. It was interesting to learn that 256 can't read. I didn't expect that, although with the Gifted's efficient and utilitarian nature, it makes sense that he wouldn't because he doesn't need to.

    By the way; Sam and Janelle huddling under the blanket together = cute XD

    Commented on: March 30, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Mood whiplash! That's good, I'm going to have to remember that. I need to use that somewhere XD. There will be tears, I assure you. Lots of them.

    Dwayne was clearly going to show up at some point. It's pretty much a given from the very beginning that these two are going to meet and have a final showdown at some point. I'm glad it managed to come as a shock, though!

    Now, now, if I told you that where would the fun be? It's kind of Ariana's last secret and she's buried it pretty deep. It won't be brought up again for a good while. Obviously these girls have more pressing matters to deal with for the time being ;P

    Commented on: March 29, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    I call it 'fluffy darkness' myself. This story is full of it. It's sweet, but there's this darkness that kind of hovers in the background. Well, at least that's what I've been aiming for. This chapter was the last gasp of sweetness for a while. Without giving any spoilers, bad things are clearly about to happen ;P I'm not too shy to say that I cried like a little girl while writing chapter 14. Thanks for the comment!

    Commented on: March 27, 2014

  • Gifted

    Is there any story significance to the fact that all of the Gifted's numbers thus far all equal 13? I noticed primarily because I'm fascinated by numbers and patterns like that. (My friends think I'm weird) In my own writing, I use the infamous Numbers (4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42) from the TV show Lost at any point I need to reference a number. I have no idea why I do this, but it helps me see similar patterns in other works. Now I sound crazy and I'm babbling... forget I said anything XD

    Anyway, this chapter continues to both humanize the Gifted (with 256 and his memory of his trainer) and vilify them (in the case of the Leader). I like that while 256 is clearly devoted to the cause, he's not just a mindless drone. He has feelings and opinions that are entirely his own and they don't seem to always line up with the Leader's.

    Interesting limitation to the Gifted's powers. I thought they would have to have one, otherwise Janelle and Sam's rebellion is pretty screwed. Having to be in physical contact with their target makes the Gifted seem far less powerful than they do if you think they can strike you dead from afar. If that little secret got out, it might just make some of the oppressed decide to join a fledgling rebellion.

    Commented on: March 26, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Yeah, it was a Friends reference. At first I put that name in as a filler until I came up with whatever name I wanted to use. Then I forgot about it and by the time I got around to proof reading and remembered it I just decided to leave it. Figured it might get a giggle out of someone and hopefully lighten up an otherwise dark chapter.

    Adrian's a really messed up guy! Like you say, Kayla going to the prison was pretty obvious, but I wanted to give readers a better look at just who this man is. His use of religion as a sort of 'Get Out of Jail Free' card was something I thought he might do just to toy with Kayla, although I think part of him actually believes he's been forgiven. Of course, there's also part of him that doesn't think he did anything wrong in the first place. As I said, he's a messed up guy.

    There was a version of this chapter where Adrian gave more... details of what he did to Ariana. I'm talking very graphic details, but I actually felt a little sick to my stomach writing it so much of that was cut. That... and I figured Kayla really would kill him if he said much more! XD

    I agree about Kayla being wrong about killing him. There are many worse fates than death, after all. Although, if you're sadistic, I'm really in trouble because I'm pretty sure a life sentence in a medieval torture chamber is where I'd put him!

    Commented on: March 26, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Thanks for the comment! Yeah, everyone brings up the doctor and I completely agree about that. I spent ages writing and rewriting this chapter trying to come up with a better version of that scene. I even spent hours on Google, looking for any loophole that would give the doctor reason to tell all of that to Kayla. There isn't one. My problem is I don't want Ariana present when Kayla learns the truth, but as only the doctors responsible for her care know the truth I ran into a pretty serious roadblock. There's no one else that could tell Kayla because Ariana would never do it herself. I am going to figure out a better way for that scene to work because it still bugs me. I thought about changing it so that Ariana answers the door instead of Kayla, who would then eavesdrop on the conversation like Ariana does in the current version. The only problem with that would be that both Ari and the doctor know everything and it would be hard to give a lot of detailed info without both of them explaining things that the other would know about. I don't know, I'm gonna keep working on it.

    I'm glad you're getting a bad feeling about the future here. I wanted to have a subtle feeling of something terrible looming on the horizon over the next few chapters without really talking about it directly. Without giving away too much,(although just by looking at the chapter titles will give you some idea) things are about to take a darker turn.

    Commented on: March 24, 2014

  • Gifted

    Another good chapter! Carey is reckless! She really should take 256's advice and stop telling everyone her escape plans. Not that she could actually escape from the Gifted anyway, but she should still keep her mouth shut on that topic.

    I liked Marvin. He seems like a really good guy. I did find it odd that Janelle and Sam trusted him so quickly and flat out told him that they were planning to overthrow the government within minutes of meeting him. I would have been afraid he would turn me in for a reward! Although, the Gifted don't really seem like people that would go around offering rewards... Perhaps all the unGifted hate the Gifted and therefore wouldn't turn in those working against them regardless? I don't know, just something I noticed.

    Overall, great chapter. I enjoyed finding out a little more of Janelle and Sam's backstory, although now I'm really interested in learning even more of Sam's. She got secrets, I think.

    Commented on: March 22, 2014

  • Gifted

    It occurred to me in the last chapter but I forgot to mention it and then 256 thought 'When he was a child, he had been taught that he was one of the lucky ones – they were the privileged, the Gifted. They were so much better than the others.'

    The Gifted, I assume, are the ones that decided to called themselves Gifted and normal people unGifted. Not wizards, not benders, but Gifted. They're some egotistical little bastards, aren't they? XD

    Anyway, this was probably my favorite chapter thus far. Despite the fact that I didn't want to, I actually found myself liking 256. Obviously, I wasn't rooting for him at any point when Carey was trying to escape, but his desire to not harm Carey's family, the fact that he thought she was pretty, and how uncomfortable he became when she just kept staring at him brought a bit of humanity to the Gifted. Until this point I kept picturing the Gifted as evil imperious overlords who might perhaps say 'Resistance is futile' every now and again.

    I'm liking Carey more and more. It's good to see she has some fight in her. I'm pretty sure she's going to need even more now that she's going to... Gifted Hogwarts? I'm excited to see how things work out between Carey and 256 when he's trying to train her. Something tells me he's not going to have much luck!

    Commented on: March 22, 2014

  • Gifted

    Okay, I've got to ask; was Harold's mother's 'Winter is coming' statement a Game of Thrones reference? Probably not, but if it was then bravo! You have excellent taste in television! Anyway, on a more chapter related note; well done on this one.

    I'm glad we got to see a little more of Janelle and Sam this time around. They seem to have an interesting dynamic between them. However, I can't say following a woman they just met to an inn filled with people was a particularly bright idea, especially since they're on the run XD. Wouldn't want to see them get caught before they can fire up their rebellion!

    Poor Carey! I figured she'd be found out by the Assessor, but I had hope! I have to say, though, she had the absolute worst timing of anyone, ever!

    Commented on: March 22, 2014

  • Gifted

    I can't believe I'm only just now getting around to reading this! Gah, I need more free time! I keep finding things here that I really want to read! Anyway, great start! I like the plot you've got going so far. It makes me think of a sort of crossover between The Last Airbender and The Hunger Games. I'm interested to see where it goes.

    I like Carey, especially the fact that she's just a normal, everyday girl living in a crappy world with dreams of having something more. She's not starting out as a badass warrior woman with a crossbow, bent on overthrowing the Gifted. She's just an average farm girl, so good job there. Also, while I fully expected her to end up being Gifted, I didn't see it coming up so soon so you managed to surprise me with that.

    I think Janelle and Sam's (May I call her Sam?) two woman rebellion is going to need a little more support before it can get off the ground. Still, every revolution has to start somewhere, right? I'm interested to see what kind of mischief these girls will be getting into.

    Commented on: March 22, 2014

  • Mystic Mirror

    I love your descriptions in this chapter (and overall as well). The way you describe the scenes, particularly the garden, is very well written and really helps bring the reader in and make them feel as though they're really there.

    I also liked May's reaction to finding herself in this strange world. She quickly goes from a dream, to Narnia, and then to a TV prank show! Love it!

    Commented on: March 18, 2014

  • Mystic Mirror

    Ah, so Maewyn must be May in an alternate universe then. This should be good! I'm quite interested to see how Maewyn will react to being tossed into our modern world, especially since she's clearly a noble lady and May is... well, not.

    Also, something makes me feel as though these mirrors aren't just showing up at the exact same time in these women's lives by accident. I'm thinking someone somewhere is pulling the strings to set this up.

    Commented on: March 18, 2014

  • Mystic Mirror

    Very good chapter, and while I didn't expect such a drastic departure from the prologue it wasn't a bad thing. In fact, I quite liked it. I can empathize with May to a degree, especially in regards to her overbearing mother. I actually felt quite bad for the poor girl by the end. 

    I enjoyed the part with the mirror. Pretty surprising that Hailey was right about it and since May's dad specifically told her to unpack everything, I'm curious if he knew what the mirror would do to her. I know I'm probably reaching there :P

    Nice work so far! Will keep reading!

    Commented on: March 1, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    There's definitely been, and continues to be, a gradual shift in Ariana towards... normalcy. Especially her fear which starts to be lowered to a more manageable level. She'll probably never be completely normal, mainly because I think it would kill too much of her charm, but also just because too much has happened to her for her to ever fully recover.

    Thanks for pointing out that error. You're not being picky at all, that line reads horribly. Working on changing that right now. Thanks!

    Commented on: February 24, 2014

  • Day and Age

    I'm starting to get worried about Emma. She's always so tired all the time. That can't be good. Add to that a creepy man staring at her and something tells me she's about to start having some trouble come her way. Glad to see she still loves birds though! :P

    I liked Jake a lot in this chapter. He's utterly clueless when it comes to Emma (and girls in general, really I think) but he's really sweet. I liked his attempt to protect Emma, even if he was just trying to bluff his way out of the situation.

    He also seems to be realizing that he should stop comparing himself to Michael. That's really good for him and a great start on his path to healing and beginning to lead his own life. He needs to realize that he's just as good of a person as Michael was, and he seems to be heading in that direction.

     

    Commented on: February 22, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    This was, without question, the most difficult chapter of this story to write to date. I wrote it at least five different ways before settling on one. I had Ariana telling Kayla everything, but it felt wrong. I don't think she would talk about it willingly because she never wanted Kayla to know in the first place.

    I also considered having her past revealed just by telling it from Ari's POV but that still didn't solve the problem of Kayla learning the truth. It was, however, far more detailed. I was much more descriptive of what happened to Ariana. It was dark and quite frankly sadistically terrifying. That part may be used at a later time.

    The only other path that seriously considered was having Ariana answer the door and talk with the doctor instead of Kayla. She would have overheard the conversation like Ari did. It would have solved the problem you mentioned about doctor-patient confidentiality, but as both Ari and the doctor would have known all the gory details, it was hard to explain everything logically without both of them talking about things they would already know.

    In the end, I chose plot over realism and tossed doctor-patient confidentiality out of the window for the sake of storytelling.

    Commented on: February 17, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Haha! You're getting closer to bad things happening, I promise! :D

    Ari's POV was something I heavily debated doing. I originally intended to never switch from Kayla's POV, but telling portions of the story from Ari's POV opened up so many new avenues for storytelling that I had to do it. It let me explore Ari's past before Kayla learned about it. It also allowed me to show the stark contrast between the version of herself she shows to the world and the real girl that she is inside.

    Your impressions about Ariana's past is really the thing that almost kept me from including Ari's POV and nearly made me rewrite this chapter. Revealing as much of her past as I did in this chapter takes some of the power out of the actual reveal. Not a lot, because even what I do say is mostly open to interpretation. In the end, though, I'm glad I wrote it this way and will continue to switch to Ariana's POV from time to time.

    Commented on: February 17, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Oh, absolutely! Coop's concerns are completely valid and, were I in his position, I'd feel the exact same way he does. Ariana is like a little sister to Coop and he's extremely protective of her. The thing is, he doesn't even realize just how dangerous Kayla is. Not because she would hurt Ariana herself, but because Dwayne is still hunting her. Coop is completely right and justified in his suspicions, he just doesn't realize that the danger isn't Kayla herself, just what she could bring down on Ariana simply by association.

    Also, I'm very interesting in what would happen should Coop learn the truth about Kayla. There's definitely room for a story there.

    Commented on: February 17, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Thanks for the comments! Yeah, I know that dream sequence can be seen as disappointing to some, dream scenes often are. But who's to say? Maybe it could happen for real some day.

    I'm glad you liked the erotic scene (that's really weird for me to say). I originally considered being more... graphic... with the scene, but in the end it just didn't fit. That, and I wrote most of it on a red eye flight back home from NYC and the guy sitting next to me kept reading what I was typing. It was a very uncomfortable flight.

    You're quite correct that the story is very fluffy up to this point. The background threat of Dwayne possibly finding Kayla really doesn't serve as a strong, constant danger to counteract the light and fluffiness of the rest of the story. However, there is a point (and I hope this isn't too much of a spoiler) where the plot turns from being happy to dark and very dangerous and stays that way for a while. While I still keep some humor around, the story definitely takes a much darker turn later on.

    Thanks again for reading!

    Commented on: February 17, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Haha! Ah, the power of music! :P You're one of us now.

    This was really one of those chapters that I wanted to just let the girls have a little fun. You're right that there is a storm coming pretty soon and this chapter needed to be lighter and happier to balance out some of the darkness of the next couple of chapters. Plus, chapters like this let me have fun writing Ariana. She can be hilarious to write sometimes. Oh and as a point of interest, this chapter was actually once called 'The Calm Before the Storm'.

    Glad you like Cooper. He's really protective of Ariana. He thinks of her as his baby sister and he sees Kayla as someone who could put her in danger. Unfortunately, I've really underutilized him so far, but I'm starting to integrate him much more. He has a pretty major storyline coming up soonish. 

    You'll find out much of Ariana's past soon, I promise. I'm sure you can guess when just by the chapter titles!

    Commented on: February 13, 2014

  • Day and Age

    Good chapter again. It was really sad that no one acknowledged Jake's birthday. It's understandable, given the circumstances and Jake obviously didn't want to think about it anyway, but still very sad.

    I loved Dan in this chapter. The way he attempts to encourage Jake to pursue Emma, despite Jake's embarrassment, was really good.

    It was good to see a little of Emma's home life and meet her foster family. Like Jake, I'm wondering why she was fostered and additionally I'm wondering just how much they know about Emma and what she can do.

    The introduction of Hannah as Emma's foster sister I especially liked. Hannah seems to be the polar opposite of Emma in that she's very forward and talkative, whereas Emma is shy and socially awkward. There's a really great contrast with these two characters. Keep up the good work! :D

     

    Commented on: February 11, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Yep, having that happen so soon was something I never intended to happen. It was to be much later, but when I was writing this chapter it just fit. It's one of the many places this story has taken a turn and gone a different direction than I first envisioned. Don't worry, though, there's a good bit of clueless romance coming and although it isn't between Ariana and Kayla, it's definitely in there. I'll admit, I generally prefer romances to be slow myself. But for these two it felt like it should happen fast. It should be unexpected and happen in the moment. Especially for Kayla, who already wishes she hadn't waited around when Claire was still alive. I thought that she would try and see where their relationship could go while she still has time.

    The part from Ariana's POV was originally completely different. The entire story was to be written entirely from Kayla's POV and never switch to Ariana's. However, when I got to this point it seemed like such a great way to explore more of Ariana without going to deep into what happened to her. Glad you liked it!

    And you're right; the side of Ariana that she shows to the world is very different from the side she keeps hidden and she has very good reasons for that.

    Ariana's suicide attempt was something that I knew from the beginning was part of her back story. She even very vaguely hints at it when she gives Kayla the bottle in chapter 3. I wasn't sure when I would reveal it, but when I decided to do the section from Ariana's POV, it was a good fit since I was trying to show off the darker side of side of Ariana.

    Commented on: February 3, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Haha! I was looking for something to lighten the mood after the previous chapter and I guess that worked! It's great having a character like Ariana that I can use for comic relief. She can say anything really and it doesn't seem strange or out of place. I'm glad you find Ariana refreshing. As much as I like writing her and keeping her weirdness, I worry she might end up coming off as annoying or unrealistic.

    Kayla's guilt over her feelings for Ariana is something I worked on for quite some time. She carries a lot of guilt, unnecessarily in my opinion, over a lot of things and most of them aren't her fault. She blames herself for Claire's death and moving on feels like she's betraying her. She'll struggle with that for a while.

    Oh, and to be honest, I HATE snow. Where I live we see snow a couple of times each winter and only a few inches at most. At these times, my entire city shuts down. Literally, everything is closed. Meanwhile, you can easily get out and drive if you're just a little careful. It is really pretty though...

    Commented on: February 3, 2014

  • Carriers

    Great start! I try not to read stuff like this because I honestly believe some idiot is going to push a button in some secret government facility and unleash a world-ending plague on us all, but regardless of my own unnatural fears, I really liked this. While this first chapter is quite long, which I've learned can be discouraging to some people, it didn't bother me. I was engaged and interested throughout. 

    You describe your characters really well, but perhaps there are a few too many. I found myself forgetting who was who after a while, but regardless of that each character seemed to be very real and well crafted.

    Good job. Will read more.

    Commented on: February 2, 2014

  • Mystic Mirror

    Really good start! I'm not the world's biggest fantasy fan, I'll admit. It's not a genre I'm really familiar with, but I enjoyed this. I like your writing style, the way you describe the scenes is really in-depth and detailed. You managed to draw me into the world and keep me interested, even though the prologue is very short. Good work! Looking forward to reading more.   

    Commented on: February 2, 2014

  • Day and Age

    Good chapter. I liked the way you described Jake's memories as a long corridor with locked doors. That was a really interesting way to visualize a person's memories.

    I really thought we were going to learn much more about Emma in this chapter since Jake was beginning to see that she wasn't just a normal girl, but nope :P She goes and wipes his memory! It's good writing, of course Never reveal your secrets too early, but we were so close it seemed! Ah well, it keeps me coming back for more!

    Commented on: January 31, 2014

  • Day and Age

    Aha! My guess was right, even if as you say it was rather obvious.

    I liked the interaction between Jake and his mother in this chapter. It seemed very real, very genuine that she would react, or perhaps overreact, to even the slightest sign of sickness in Jake, considering what happened to Michael. Good work there.

    I felt bad for Emma when she said Jake was the only friend she ever had. Poor girl... kind of makes you want to give her a hug :P Anyway, nice work. Looking forward to learning more about Emma, because I don't have the slightest clue of what she could be.

    Commented on: January 28, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Thanks for the comment! Most people that read this believe that Kayla was directly responsible for Claire's death and as such has been on the run from the law, and in an early draft that was actually the case. Eventually, I decided on a more unorthodox route and instead of having her on the run from the law, she's hiding from someone who's trying to kill her. That also allows me to play on the idea that Dwayne is still out there looking for her. That constant threat of him finding her hangs over both of the girls. 

    Kayla is bisexual and I agree that it is definitely underrepresented and really always has been. I made the conscious decision to made Kayla bisexual, but also to really make the whole thing kind of a non-issue. I wanted it to be there and to be seen and referenced (which Kayla does in chapter 3 when she's talking to Cooper and here again in chapter 5) but I didn't want to make a huge deal out of it and end up coming off as perhaps disrespectful. I wanted to mention it, acknowledge it, and then let it be. It's there to be seen just like any other aspect of these characters, but it never becomes a focal point of the narrative. It isn't any more important or less important than any other part of Kayla.

    There's definitely more depth to Ariana than there first appears to be. She has the sweet, innocent side that she shows to the world, but underneath there's a long going on. She uses that innocence almost like a shield, a way to protect herself from what she's really feeling... if that makes sense.

    Ariana has an incredibly forgiving nature. She forgives everyone, even those who aren't deserving of it. Even if someone hurts her, she'll let it go and forgive them even if she knows they'll do it again. It's beautiful, but it puts her in a position to be abused very easily.

    Commented on: January 23, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Yeah, Ariana's a sweetheart. That was really my vision for her. I wanted her to have a generous and giving nature, despite all she's been through. I hope I succeeded. She's definitely not a badass anti-hero, although now I'm picturing her in a chainmail bikini battling a dragon with a flaming sword. Hmm... you're giving me ideas... :P

    Their relationship has moved, and continues to move over the next few chapters, far too fast. It's something I've seriously considered changing, but when I look at just how large of a rewrite I would have to do it just doesn't seem worth it.

    I've come to rationalize it by thinking that because of how long Kayla as been alone and on the run, forced to abandon her family and losing Claire, she kind of has this need to love someone and Ariana is just so easy to love that it just came on more quickly. I need to go back and work that into a chapter somewhere... maybe show a bit more of Kayla's thought process on the subject. It's something to look into. Thanks! :D

    Commented on: January 23, 2014

  • Day and Age

    Okay, so I broke down and read the last few chapters in one sitting. I was trying to pace myself, but finally said screw it and finished it up. I shouldn't have because now I'm sitting on a cliffhanger that has me very interested indeed.

    I'm wondering what Emma did to Jake, because it seems clear that she had something to do with him fainting. I have a whole list of ideas as to what the short 'dream' could have been but I'll spare you having to read that and just wait to find out if I'm completely wrong.

    I'm also intrigued by Emma's interest in drinks. Her reaction when the shop didn't have her mint chocolate milk seemed like more than simple disappointment. And her getting the ginger beer seemingly by magic was interesting. Is there, perhaps, a magical quality to the ginger beer? Or was it really ginger beer at all? Maybe a drink from... wherever it is that Emma's from that she knew would help him? Ugh... now I'm rambling. Anyway, good work. Looking forward to your next update! 

     

    Commented on: January 20, 2014

  • Day and Age

    I'm really liking this so far. I'm even more intrigued by Emma now than I was before. She's strange, but she seems like she knows a lot more about everything than she's letting on. She also seems really sweet. Her concern for the poor bird, despite being such an insignificant creature, made me really like her. She appears to have a love for life in all its forms.

    I also liked the counseling session. Jake seemed really believable there and I wouldn't mind seeing more of Sarah in the future. I liked her even though she may not play a huge role.

    I did feel that the scene itself was a little short and Jake stating that he felt better after only one short session felt a little off, but otherwise that's my only nitpick. Still, the scene was excellently written and it actually made me sad.

    Commented on: January 14, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Thanks for the comments. By all means, ramble away! I often do the same thing! It's bad when I have to spend a few minutes editing my comments because I've gone on too long...

    Yeah, Cooper really is a bit young to be a manager. I need to do some editing on that. Maybe make him a bit older or his family owns the shop or something. I'll look into it because that really doesn't fit

    I'll agree that I don't like that song either, which is weird because I use it a few more times. Like you say, though, it's just so appropriate that I had to use it. I scrolled through Youtube looking for sappy songs for that chapter and nothing else fit the scene like that one did.

    Commented on: January 14, 2014

  • Kingdom of the Ravens

    I'm really liking this so far. Great start! Looking forward to future chapters.

    Commented on: January 12, 2014

  • White Tapestry

    I really enjoyed this chapter. It did a good job of introducing readers to the setting and characters. I love your writing style too. It's different, but really good.

    I'm finding myself intrigued by these characters, particularly Aoti who seems very interesting and just a tiny bit... I'm not sure if creepy is the right word. Something just seems off about him. I'll keep reading and see if I'm completely misjudging him.

    Commented on: January 11, 2014

  • The Girl and the Warehouse

    Thanks for the comments! You're completely correct about the slipping into second person. It's a terrible habit that I have that has proven very difficult to break. I've been working to catch myself whenever I do it recently, but I do need to go back and edit those places.

    Chapter 1 is super long, I agree. Point of interest, it was originally a third longer than it is now. I did tons of editing and trimming to get it to the length that it is now. Looking back, I've wished I could shorten it but when I try it doesn't read as well. It feels like it's missing something.

    The slang bit is something I really have to work on and I have to watch myself very carefully when I'm writing. In my part of the world, we use words and phrases that aren't used many other places so I have to make sure I don't slip up and use words no one else will understand. FUBAR was one of those times I messed up. I've got family in the military so I hear that all the time and it slipped through. I need to edit that too.

    Commented on: January 10, 2014

  • Day and Age

    That was really good. You have a great setup and introduction with really revealing back story other than Jake's brother's death. This chapter has that hook, just enough to make me want to keep reading. 

    I'm interested in this mysterious girl as well. That duck line was such a sudden change of pace that for a minute I thought there was a missing paragraph or something. I guess the question now is, does she like ducks?

    Anyway, good work so far. Looking forward to reading more.

    Commented on: January 9, 2014