The Girl and the WarehouseBy: Serina Harcourt
Created: January 6, 2014 | Updated: June 13, 2016
Genre : Romance
Language : English
Reviews: 3 | Rating:
It was a solid opening chapter, and it was very well managed. I liked the suspense of the chase in the beginning, and the eventual escape with help from Ariana. You're able to confidently create characters with appealing personalities, and Ariana's relative air-headedness was very well done. The warehouse setting was interesting too, I can imagine how she made it her home, Interior Designers kill to make create that unusual atmosphere in homes! But there were a few things I spotted that rob you of a fifth star. -Ariana asks who was pursuing Kayla, despite seeing the police run past them. Cops are very distinguishable, so I found that question a bit.....unrealistic. is it just me? Maybe I should look over it again. what I'm DEFINITELY sure of, however, is that the first thing said cops would ask Ariana, a girl living.in.an.abandoned.warehouse, would be 'what are you doing here?' Warehouses are private property, even if they're empty, someone owns them, so Ariana is technically trespassing. The cops would have Kayla at the top of their minds, but there was no way they would simply gloss over Ariana's residence there. Despite that, your chapter is 90% excellent, I loved the diologue between the two main characters, and you balanced suspense and sentimental moments rather well. I'll read more of your story, and I'll re-address the star-rating if I like what I see. Well done!
August 2, 2014 Flag
Nice beginning here. Both of these girls seem like interesting characters with deep backstories that I think readers will enjoy discovering, especially Ariana. The only negative I found was the length of the first chapter. It was very long and given the attention spans of many folks today, that can turn some away. However, it did a great job of introducing these girls.
March 12, 2014 Flag