Sparkatale

Nicely done! It was well-written and intriguing, and kept the reader's attention throughout. Honestly, if you had written more, I would have read it, but leaving this as an interpretive one-shot is a good idea. It gives the reader something to chew on, gets under their skin... Anyway, your descriptions and word choices are absolutely amazing. Great job with that, and your characterization was also great. I had an understanding of your protagonist before the climax even began. Good job! ~Raine

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed!!

Thank you! Sorry it took me so long to reply, and I'm so, so glad you liked it!

Thank you so much for the review and the praise! I'm glad you liked the characters and descriptions, and honestly the first chapter is a bit difficult - through no fault of your own :). There are a lot of characters introduced very quickly, though I promise that will calm down in later chapters. Again, thank you for the encouragement and wonderful review, and I hope you enjoy further chapters!

Where to start?

This was brilliantly done, really. The plot was well thought out, and both the spiritual and scientific explanations were well explained. Both sides (secular and spiritual) were imperfect, which was nice, since stories like this generally tend to make either the Christian or secular side perfect. Both had blind spots here, and both had good things, as well.

I think that in some places, the wording was a bit circular and confusing, but for the most part, the writing style was very good and very sophisticated.

Your word choice was impeccable, and the style was neat in that it was a bit on the formal side, very sophisticated. It was fun to read and think about, and I like that you let the reader decide for him or herself what all happened. You didn't force a conclusion on them (which, in my opinion, is why most atheists don't like Christian works and vice versa), but gave several explanations and left it to the reader.

Overall, it was a wonderful piece, and even though it is a highly controversial topic, you handled it incredibly well. The plot was clearly thought out, both sides had flaws and strengths, and you left the reader with something to think about. Great job!

~Raine

Thanks for the review!

I probably will go back and explain Tami and Tamil, or change the original Tamil's name. That'll be someday when I go back and edit all of this, haha. There's just so much to do...I'll get to it, though! Thanks for the tips!

As for the Kere and Kirio deal, I have wondered occasionally if they were a bit too close, but you're the first person to complain of that. I could go back and change it, but I almost think that might be more confusing than leaving it be, because suddenly Kirio isn't Kirio anymore; haha. I think I might leave a few readers in the dust, though I'll definitely consider fixing this in some way! I'm surprised I missed that little sentence there; I read over my chapters and do a tiny bit of editing before posting, so thanks for catching that!

Ah, lead weights. Stories like this are hard, because half of the comparisons we use as humans and authors are meaningless to wolves. Plus, this is in the third person, narrative point of view, so it's an easier mistake to let slip. Thanks for pointing it out, and good suggestion!

You'll have to read on for more of this place ;). That's actually quite a good comparison, though it's not entirely accurate. (Yes, I have read the Warriors series. Nice guess, haha. I always have loved stories like those...)

This story has been quite hard to write, though I'm not entirely sure why. I can tell you that the chances of it being a full-blown book are very, very slim. Sorry if it moves too fast; that's actually what I'm working on with the next chapter right now. For most of this one, though, Kere is mostly either numb or in shock. That's why we don't get much here, but I definitely see your point. It's a lot harder for me to convey things like that in the third person.

I know I've said "thank you" about ten million times in this response, but THANK YOU for the read and review!

Thank you very much for the awesome comment!

That is actually quite accurate, and yes, I do not know what it is, but long chapters do not come naturally to me...I'm working on that, though. I'm glad you liked the chapter as it is.

Thanks again for the read and comment, and I hope you continue like the new chapters!

Sorry; that was a pup nickname. She kinda grew out of it.

Ah, I've gotten this question twice now, haha. Tamil, the mother, did die, yes. But the pup who had been named after her is still alive. :) Hope that clears things up.

Thanks! This has been a very hard story to write, for whatever reason, so I apologize for that... I'll try to fix it soon!

Haha, yes! Always...

Thanks for reading and for the awesome comments!

Wow, this is an indescribably beautiful comment. THANK YOU!

I'll address the spelling first: mortalis and mortales are Latin words. In Latin (and English, and most other languages), words that are plural are ended differently than they would be as a singular word. Mortalis ends in is, which is the singular ending. Mortales ends in es, which is the plural ending. I was hesitant on how to handle that, and I hope this is sufficient explanation.

As for the rest of my response, I'll take your comment by paragraphs.

Thank you! Word choice is something I always work at, and I'm glad you think mine is good!

Descriptions, tone, and action: thank you, thank you, and thank you! It was a lot longer than most of my other pieces, and I worried that it would get too boring, so thank you for that reassurance! I did have quite a lot of fun with this world, though; glad you liked it!

Thank you again for the comment on Kiladra! She is that, if anything at all. I'm glad you liked that; hearing (or reading) you say that, I had just been rereading a series that has a whole lot of that reckless nature in it. Hm. Just goes to show how much books influence our writing, huh?

Aww, thank you yet again! Honestly, this was maybe one of the only one-shots that I had no plans to continue, yet it's the only one people have asked me to do so. I'll give it a bit of thought; I'd love to bring Kiladra back, but to be honest, I have no idea where a sequel would go. Feel free to message me if you have any :).

Thank you again for the amazing, amazing comment! It truly means the world to me!

Your writing style, at least in this story, was very neat. I liked the missing g's; it gave more personality to the character.

I didn't see any noticeable grammar errors, and your characterization was great. The story itself was dark, but the humor helped lighten it up a bit. I liked how you gave a bit of back story, while not dumping information on the reader.

Good job!

Nicely done! Your writing was very solid and flowed neatly, and the story itself was super cute. I don't have much to say as far as corrections go; you were pretty good as far as that went, so kudos!

Sorry this comment is so short, but just know you did wonderfully! I liked it a great deal. :)

Keep writing!

~Raine

Wow! I'm truly impressed with this piece of amazing-ness.

Your writing style is beautiful and flows wonderfully. The descriptions are spot-on and perfect, and the emotion is raw and, again, perfect. I could really feel everything swarming around your main character, anger and despair and everything else alike.

The only grammar semi-error I would comment on is that I believe there may have been a couple of present-past-tense switches. Maybe I was just tired, though. Your writing was pretty darn perfect.

The plot was super interesting and intriguing, and I dearly wish I could have more to say, but alas, this was too good for that. ;)

Keep writing, and I'll definitely come back for more! Great, great job!

~Raine

No problem; I'm glad I could help! Keep writing!

Yes, they are quite an awesome subject! I also love reading about wolves; that was basically my childhood.

And thank you! I obviously have a lot of fun with the names, haha. And, aw, that encouragement is so very wonderful! It means a ton that you even bothered to read it. Thanks again! I hope you like further chapters!

Nicely done, overall!

There were a few grammatical errors, such as a mix-up with homonyms, tense switches when it came to past and present tense, and a few personal qualms of mine, such as repetition and the occasional influency in a dialogue. Occasionally, a character would jump from a very formal speech (i.e, "will soon follow") to a very casual, modern way of talking ("you guys"). As for the repitition, "only" was repeated quite a bit as a transition, as well as "shoulder width apart," though that is an easy fix. The dialogue qualm also happened a bit in the story when words like "things" and "stuff" were used. Generally, I'd say that those should be avoided. Also, a last little qualm of mine: sometimes, the character's actions and emotions contradicted. I'd just say that you might want to give "show, don't tell" details to communicate her emotions to the reader. As for the other little edits, I've seen the suggestion to read the chapter aloud to yourself, and I really like that. It will help the story flow, and get rid of many of those grammar errors. :)

That seems like a long paragraph, I know; but it's really not that many issues I had. I can sometimes be a wordy person, and I apologize for that...

All of that said, I really like the plot, and the story is interesting and attention-grabbing. Your main character seems interesting, as do her companions. Keep writing!

~Raine

Thank you very much for the kind comment!

This was actually written as a single short story for a school project, though I did leave a way to continue with it. I'm not sure if further plans will come to fruition, but I will take your comment to heart and think about it.

Thanks again!

Ah, yes, the names...I promise that that was not purposeful. This was actually written a very, very long time ago, and I had absolutely idea that it was going to turn out like that. Just...ignore that and please don't tell Raven and Kaile, haha...

Glad you liked it, and thanks for the review!

I liked it, so far! The descriptions were beautiful, especially in chapter 2, and I especially liked how different each character's voice was. The backstories were interesting and didn't feel like the reader was just having information dumped on them. I like your two characters, and their respective worlds (okay, one seems to be present-day New York, but you get my meaning). Overall, I want to know what happens next, so I'll stay tuned! Nicely done!

 

 

~Raine

Yay! I'm so glad you liked it, and thank you again for the wonderful feedback! It really does help.

That is correct; we finally see some collision among characters in this chapter.

It's also awesome that you liked the length, because I actually didn't elongate this one due to the fact that it was already in its "final" stages of editing when I received your amazing review. Of course, as writers, we know that editing never ends.

I'm glad you still like it enough to return, and I'll try to get some new material up soon!

Great job! I loved the plot so far, and the characters are definitely interesting. You've also done well in developing this world of yours. Overall, the writing was also very neat, and I'll come back for more! Update soon, please!

 

~Raine

Nicely done! The writing was much better than many I've seen, and I do like your characters. My only qualm is a personal thing: the cussing is a bit much for me. I'll read the occasional word or two, but there seemed to be much more language than normal in here. Otherwise, I really did love it! Good job!

 

~Raine