Created: April 16, 2014 | Updated: April 16, 2014
Genre : General
Language : English
Reviews: 5 | Rating:
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Blink of an eye,
And the world becomes new.
When worlds dare to try
To be something untrue.
The realms collide when
Eyes are closed.
But see this strange spin?
This script is doubly composed.
She woke to find herself tied
To slumber's reminders
But no matter how she tried,
The thoughts would bind her
To think of the dream—
To see him stand right there.
Reality and imagination, it seems,
A thought they had to share.
She looked upon him in fear
In her eyes, the urge to retreat.
He saw but one single tear,
And then refused to admit defeat.
She turned and sprinted fast,
Into the dreamer's sand.
He yelled after her, a request cast,
Why she ran, he could not understand.
Double sight, it came to be.
No matter what she did, it replayed.
He was completely unable to see
Just how identical this was portrayed.
The problem, worse it grew,
As time suddenly stood still.
She fell to the ground and instantly knew,
Remembering his strong will.
She turned slowly but looked away.
He smiled, then also turned.
His image suddenly began to decay—
All his efforts, spurned.
Suddenly, she would awake.
Laying in her bed.
It was a dream that would make
Her feel so full of dread.
But in the end, it'd happen again.
He showed up at her door.
The running now, would have to end.
It was a dream no more.
Reviews (5)
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I love this story. Your writing was captivating and drew me in from the start. However, you don't make it clear as to what she is. Was that your intention? It seems as if this story needs a little bit more, just to tie up the loose ends. Is she just the fire personified as a girl? As I said, you don't make it clear. But other than that this story has amazing potential. You are a talented writer. Keep it up :)
Rating:
August 17, 2014 Flag
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You have a good short story there. Its a shame the small grammar mistakes and repetition of words spoils it a little. I'm sure it wouldn't take long to edit them out. Your descriptive work is great. However, to the end of the story there is a little confusion as to what was being conveyed. Well done though. I hope you write some more about this character, how did she get like that? And what happens to her after this story? xXSXx
Rating:
October 16, 2013 Flag
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Story: Short and sweet, It was good, and the first paragraph had a definite hook to it that kept me reading. But by the end I was a little confused. What exactly had happened? I'm still not too sure. Grammar and Punctuation: Minor spelling mistakes, but nothing major. Writing good for most of it, but a noticeable dip in quality near the end. The sentences just didn't flow well, and repetition of the word fire was apparent. Still enjoyable though. Verdict: 3/5. Good idea and enjoyable, but a bit confusion and repetitive near the end.
Rating:
September 14, 2013 Flag
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I agree with the other review. The writing was compelling and the mystery kept me reading. It would be nice for this to be a short story series or maybe a collection of stories surrounding the character. The typos were few and far between, but still a little distracting at times.
Rating:
August 25, 2013 Flag
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I liked your opening paragraph very much. It grabbed my attention right off the bat. I saw some minor typos but nothing too bad. It was nice how you kept the mysterious aspect of the story intact. Kind of letting the readers fill in all the gaps. Overall a pretty good story but I would have liked to know a little more about her. Does she live forever? How old is she? What does she look like? These are just suggestions but I did like your story. I'll have to ponder about the truth that the first paragraph holds. It's a very good example of what life is like
Rating:
August 19, 2013 Flag
