Sparkatale

As someone who's seem probably every mainstream zombie movie\show, it gets hard for anything of the genre to feel original after a while, but every story always has a different approach to the other. I appreciate the ones based more around a viral type thing, because personally I find that more believable. One thing that I found odd was how it killed him so quickly, but at the same time I found myself liking it- it's the little thing I mentioned earlier how every zombie story is different. The almost immediate death is a factor I've yet to see.

I very much like your writing style- it's descriptive, fluid, and paints a good picture. I couldn't find any grammar or spelling errors and the word choice was spot on, so cookie for you. Only question I really have at the moment is why did he willingly release the zombie virus, especially on himself? I'm assuming we'll learn more of it later.

Keep up the good work!

I like the little ending, how it explains how quickly it spread. The symptoms part was also good, showing how quickly the chaos grew and how difficult it would be to pinpoint any certain disease or virus (even though this is unknown) to a patient. If it takes ten to twelve hours then why, in the first chapter, did the Doctor fall and die almost immediately? I might assume he was already infected before arriving...

Well, although it's only two chapters in, I like this. I usually like zombie stories or apocalypse stories in general because with them comes a certain promise for action I can't turn down. I like the direction this is heading in.

Keep it up.

Hi,

Thanks for reading my story, and for your comments.

As you guessed, the first guy didn't die that fast. The story started hours after he was exposed to the virus, so he was already sick. His sickness may have progressed a little faster because he had accidentally exposed himself to virus in the vial, which was highly concentrated. Everybody else was exposed after the virus got out, spread, and diluted.

Anyway, I'll be posting more chapters this week. Thanks again for the input.

Great chapter.  I would add some more back story about Nil.  Unless you plan more about the mysterious people in Germany that asked for the virus.  Maybe a little more description on the airport and the reaction of people around him as he gets sick.  Put your reader at the airport, pull them into the story.

Ahh, a zombie apocalypse story. I've read a bit, so let's see how different yours will be.

-I noticed a spelling error in the third line where the woman spoke. You wrote: “A man’s died.” Obviously, the “s” has to be removed.

-I’m curious as to why the doctor created the virus in the first place? Or maybe he didn’t create it, but was simply studying it.

In my head, "man's" was a contraction for "man has", but now I see it's totally unnecessary. Thanks for catching that.

Let me know if you think the overall structure is confusing. It's not meant to be one comprehensive story, but a series of mini-stories about a common event. I'm not sure if that's working or not.

Ahh, okay that makes more sense. I was a bit confused as to why the scenery kept on changing, but the mini-series works just fine. :)

It is a typical and organized start. I do wonder if is a bit too clean for a zombie story. I mean I usually have a problem reading gore, but this doesn't really bother me.  Yes, you talk about blood and missing body parts but the way it is written is to mater the fact.  I just don't feel any horror or suspense. 

Thanks for the input, Heather, and thanks for the review. I'll take another look at things with your comments in mind.

Starting Over is my favorite chapter.  I like the descriptions and the characters were developed and likeable.  It left me wondering what will happen next to this group of survivors.

So far, I find this really interesting. I like the way that you have followed the vial across different characters, but still brought them each to life as individuals. 

I would like to know more about why the virus was created in the first place, and what it is that the first carrier had agreed to. But, I may just not have gotten to that yet. 

This is a pretty good opening, although it reminds me of a franchise I follow which is Resident Evil. I guess it's because the opening of Resident Evil: Degeneration and this is at an airport with the people panicking.

Anyway, I'm curious as to how Nils actually managed to bypass the security while he had the viral agent - then again, they may have passed it off as cologne like a detail here said (although I know liquids of any kind aren't allowed either). Then I found this: "He couldn’t something so deadly over to God-knows-who. " I found it a little awkward. I think a word is missing? Or perhaps I missed something. Also, I saw that you wrote "breath" whereas I think you meant "breathe".

Overall, you've written it well. I was able to feel something was wrong with Nils before you've exposed that he was infected. Keep it up!

I don't think I saw any awkward sentences nor grammar mistakes. Good job. I like how the outbreak seemed to be a pandemic of the flu or strokes. I also like how the people don't immediately turn into the undead, since the usual things I notice these days with these types of stories is that the infection spreads rapidly - infected one minute to brain eating zombies the next. I enjoy reading this so far!

Nurse Hall is good at handling things - even though she was still unsure of what's happening, she knew very well things weren't how they were supposed to be. She tried saving whoever she could in the way she knew how. I hope I get to see more of her soon.

I wouldn't be surprised if Drummond suddenly comes back to grab and bite Vincent. It sucks finding out that you most likely are joining the horde you were initially trying to fight. On the other hand, I can see how this virus could wipe out the city. I wonder how Nurse Hall and the others are. By the way, what's PCP? I enjoy these hospital chapters. 

I noticed that you forgot to capitalize a few names like Johnson's and Logan's name. Aside from that, I didn't find any other mistakes. I like how Vincent pretty much knows his stuff - I guess this is because he's a horror fan so he has more knowledge on how to deal with things like these. I'm glad to see Nurse Hall and the others are safe - good thing the others listened to her. Too bad for those zombies in their scrub suits though, I'm guessing those are the ones who didn't want to listen to Nurse Hall.

As for Johnson, I can understand his grief upon seeing a work buddy sprawled out like that, knowing he's going to be undead yet denying the truth. I think anyone would feel that way when they see someone they know in that kind of miserable condition. Then he's guilty and ashamed - which is fine. He's just human after all with his own pains and fears. Keep it up!

So, I found this: "He thought about being pulled down, unable to breath, unable to fight." I think you meant to use the word "breathe".

I found this chapter a little slow for my taste, but that's just my opinion. I get this feeling that if the zombies weren't going to get Jack, he'd have turned into a zombie in, say, eight to twelve hours because of how his vision was described towards the end.

 I found a type in this sentence: "Several of the zombies tok off after him, though a few stopped near the road, ..." where "took" is missing a letter. Also, I'm not sure if you did it purposely, but somewhere in the middle, the format is different. The line spacing seems bigger than the rest. It's the part where Johnny taps the zombies.

Aside from that, I initially thought Johnny self-sacrificed himself for the others. It's good to see he's still alive and that this group managed to stick together no matter how much of strangers they are to one another. I wonder if the description of the native flowers at the end of this chapter would describe this bunch. I wonder if they'll be able to survive on almost nothing and still be who they are at the end.

 I spotted a punctuation mistake here: "These boys had lost so much already, and now this,". You probably pressed on the comma by mistake.

That has got to suck - losing a person you were already able to hold, even for just a little while. I don't think anyone would be able to live with that right away - I would feel bad for quite a while, anyway. I'm a little worried though. Based on my knowledge on pickers, if they don't take care of where they step, they might get cut by something in the trash and it could lead to infection and some, to death. I'm worried that since they were running, that maybe they didn't notice if they sustained any injuries. I just hope that if they survive the zombies, then no illness kills them off instead.

As for the last paragraph, it was cool how someone suddenly comes in to save the man who wanted to save others. What goes around, comes around? Haha.

Phew! I was scared that those two would do something to Sark. I'm just glad the woman appeared when she did, even if they did take what she had. Well, at least Sark has something up her sleeves! She could really protect herself - heck, even with two guys trying to look cool, shivering behind her. I really want to see her in future chapters, along with Nurse Hall and maybe even Logan's team! I wonder if there's a chance of them meeting in the future?

I'm surprised he could sense how big the human was. Anyway, this was an interesting chapter. At least I know a zombie's perspective now for this story - trying to feed the hunger that can never be satiated. This reminds me of a Greek myth, except there, the man ended up eating himself when he couldn't sell his daughter anymore.

So Omar went a little insane. I understand the other adults' point of view though - Omar was digging up their holes because he kept on ringing the big bell and that noise would attract the zombies. I was frustrated, somewhat, because I thought Omar would act like Margaret - sort of like a father figure to those still alive instead of having a break down. It's understandable though - when the world you know suddenly changed and that everyone that you've seen turned to the undead, then you would really want to be saved, even if you don't exactly know what to do.

That revenge wasn't exactly what I thought. I don't know... I was thinking she would actually do something worse to piss them off, but it seems Sark still has her principles despite what the group did to her. Overall, I like how sneaky she was. I could imagine the group waking up the next morning with a major hangover staring at the flames and notice how the equipment they stole weren't there. I see migraines in their future, haha.

I'm not sure but was Reggie bitten? Or was the pain just the hands of the zombie holding on to it's food? Anyway, I spotted two typos. The first was when Reggie was at the front door saying that it was him. The "it" was capitalized in that sentence when I don't think it should be. The second one was the word "bandana". Instead, what was written was "bandanna" with the second n. Aside from that, I haven't spotted much else. Good job so far.

Just a little correction first. I saw this: "For a moment everyone just looked at each other. Johnny pulled out the boxy black pistol but kept it pointed it at the ground." I don't think you noticed the "it" before pointed since it's a little awkward to read with pointed in between two "it".

I personally don't find the men all too suspicious as of now. They seem like high school delinquents except that they're adults. That's the impression I'm getting anyway. I want to see how Ben copes with this as well as the other people in the group.

All right... is this Sark's childhood home? I got a little confused when she thought of her family when the water was on. Anyway, I still like her character! She's really careful and aware of her surroundings. I don't think anyone would manage to bring her down easily. They'll have to go through hell before she gets caught.

Aside from that, here's a few corrections. "Sark had never been one to sew, but it could some in handy for repairs." I think you meant "come" than "some" and there was this sentence where you forgot to capitalize "Sark". Aside from that, everything else is pretty good.