Sparkatale

I've read three chapters and I think this story is off to a good start. It has a sense of humor and the main character is rebellious and interesting. It's rough in spots, but I think you can go back and edit after you see where it's going. So far it's a fun read and far from typical.

I liked the story, and the characters were solid. There was a good plot and plenty of action.

That was the best story I've read here so far. The plot is excellent and full of meaning. The description is quite good and there is solid character development. It has meaning even if you don't like westerns.

It's a pretty decent story so far. The first chapter is good and has some solid characterization. The second chapter introduces us to a lot of minor characters - wondering what role all those people will play in the story. Of course, time will tell. Good start overall.

Good so far. It's refreshing to read a story that doesn't contain a ton of grammatical errors. The story has promise, though a little more foreshadowing of what the story will be about would have drawn me in more. All in all, I think it's a solid start and look forward to more chapters.

Good chapter. You've set up a lot of interesting mystery and intrigue in these early chapters. I'm hoping we'll start to get some of the questions answered soon!

The latest chapter is good as we're learning more about who the characters are. There were a few mistakes - hemorrhage, unless there's an alternate spelling I don't know about. Also "there were gun fires". Gunfire is a plural, so you could say there was gunfire or there were guns firing. Also there was a description of a woman looking at her window, maybe you meant looking out, I'm not sure.

Anyway, good chapter and the story is picking up. Looking forward to chapter 4 whenever it's up.

I thought chapter one did a great job of introducing the main character and showing us the setting. Really a good start.

With only the first two chapters done, I can't say too much. The premise is pretty good and the two main characters have potential. Some of the dialogue is kind of awkward though. It would be cool if you wrote more then I could have a better idea of what's going on.

After reading the story description and the prologue, I think this is a really intriguing idea for a story. Obviously the author knows the Norse pantheon well and I'm interested in seeing where she takes this story. 

I'd suggest only two improvements. One is to give us more description of the settings so we can feel like we're really in this world. My other advice to the author is to always remember that the reader may not be familiar with the norse world. You may need to tell us things that are obvious to you. 

Nice job so far. I'm excited about the potential for this story.

After 3 chapters I think this book is starting off well. The main character is interesting and funny. There are some great descriptions like "Babies crying like donkeys" that I really liked. I also like that we don't really know where the story is going yet. All in all I'm interested enough to want to see where it goes next.

On the con side there are some sections of dialogue that are kind of clunky. It needs a good proofreading to make it flow a little better and to clean up a few mistakes. I think you missed a good opportunity (in chapter two) to show how evil the bad guys were. A good description of them there could really set  us up to hate them right off. Of course, I don't know where you're going with this, so you may have another plan. 

Good story. Quirky and a little chaotic, which means the reader is kept off guard, in a good way.

The main issue I see is one of tense. You sometimes switch from present tense to past, then back again. I would re-read it paying attention to the tense, keeping that consistent throughout, and correct that first.

You made a point to mention that you had done what they call a "poor man's copyright" to protect your work. Are you aware that the Coldplay song lyrics you used are also protected by copyright? It's illegal to use them without permission.

As far as corrections, the other reader caught most of them except that you spell one person's name Dilan, Dillan and Dylan in different places.

Thanks for the input, Heather, and thanks for the review. I'll take another look at things with your comments in mind.

I read the first chapter and thought it was a unique approach. Very different, but intriguing. Makes me want to read more chapters so I can find out more about her. I'll definitely read more.

Chapter one is good. It sets up rest of the story and it's well written.

The first two chapters are a good start. There's drama and tension. I want to know who the woman, Ira, is and what her relationship is to the main character. The other story is a little confusing, but I'm sure it will work itself out.

The book overall was well thought out. Solid characters and the story has a good structure. Obviously you've written a lot and refined how you write, which shows. 

Thanks for reading and commenting, Doug. I will be adding more chapters that follow these characters while the apocalypse runs its course.

Thank you Ki,

Thanks for the comments. I do plan to get back to these characters in future chapters, and I do plan to post more soon.

- Dave

In my head, "man's" was a contraction for "man has", but now I see it's totally unnecessary. Thanks for catching that.

Let me know if you think the overall structure is confusing. It's not meant to be one comprehensive story, but a series of mini-stories about a common event. I'm not sure if that's working or not.

I'm still a big believer in the theory that the first paragraph, then the first chapter, are the most important, but maybe it is a good idea to write a little farther and see how things flow. Easy enough to move things later if you want. The most important thing is that you have some good ideas and developing characters so there's a lot of potential if you keep working on it. :)

So far it's a good start. The main character is pretty well developed and the messenger is a great touch. Obviously it needs a good revision as far as grammar, tense, and person, but I'm sure you knew that.

One thing I would change is to start with Chapter 2. Get right to the raccoon and the story as soon as you can. That draws the reader in and captures their interest early. The friends are not important in chapters 2-4, so why introduce them first? We cna meet them later, when they start to play a role.

Good job so far. Looking forward to new chapters when you post them.

Hi,

Thanks for reading my story, and for your comments.

As you guessed, the first guy didn't die that fast. The story started hours after he was exposed to the virus, so he was already sick. His sickness may have progressed a little faster because he had accidentally exposed himself to virus in the vial, which was highly concentrated. Everybody else was exposed after the virus got out, spread, and diluted.

Anyway, I'll be posting more chapters this week. Thanks again for the input.

The first chapter was good. The characters and setting were unique and interesting, and I wonder who these people are and what will happen to them. I plan to read more later.