Sparkatale

I like your story. it sort of reminds me of Star Man the movie. With the aliens thinking humans would be okay with them visiting because of the invitation sent to space. My advice would be in regards to the aliens. All the worlds you talk about are new and some more details about the history and the backstory of the aliens would be nice. I was a little confused as to which planet the alien on earth was from. Of course it could just be me and I need to reread the story too. Keep up the good work.

Great start! Way to keep the story going. I read it fast without having to reread or focus its an effective easy read. My advise is more description. More about the characters not a ton because they seem to move through the story quickly but some back story. Especial Nils more about why he did it and who gave him the idea to steal the virus. Unless that is being saved for later. Great start!

Okay I am thinking you are flipping between past and present tense.  Your on the bus thinking about the past and what grams said okay that works.  Then with the six pack and Quinn's description I think you could be bouncing back and forth.  Honestly this is something I am really careful with because I have been called out on it and had to edit a 40,000 + page novel because I missed my points of view up. Publishers, instructors, readers, and other writers notice so just a heads up.

 

Real nice story so far very imaginative.

 

 

 

 

Starting Over is my favorite chapter.  I like the descriptions and the characters were developed and likeable.  It left me wondering what will happen next to this group of survivors.

Thanks for the comment Dave.  I originally did have chpt 2 as the 1st chapter.  Then I decided to bring in the friends as characters, I introduced them then sent them away for the meeting of the messenger.  Now in chapter 5 they are back and all talking about their weekend, which ties the chapters together.

I was hearing Andrea was not strong enough readers did not like her, so I went back and gave her friends and issues to deal with.  Does that make sense or do you have a suggestion?  I am waiting until it is more complete then I will revisit the first chapters to make sure the flow is there.  Perhaps toss in some text messages or something between the friends throughout chapter 2 and 3?

Like the start to this story.  I hope Armin is about to have many fun adventures in reaping.

I like William he is awesome.  I don't know why I like him already I just do.  I like your descriptions of the crash site.  I would like to see a little more about where the alien came from.  I know they have a blue planet and that they were dumb and destroyed their environment. I would like to know a little more about their society, are they warriors are do they just want to share our planet?

Great chapter so accurate play out of a so nice customer in a coffee shop!  Like your dialog and the flow of your story.

Great chapter.  I would add some more back story about Nil.  Unless you plan more about the mysterious people in Germany that asked for the virus.  Maybe a little more description on the airport and the reaction of people around him as he gets sick.  Put your reader at the airport, pull them into the story.

Thank you very much for your comments!  This manuscript is a blast to write.  When I have more ready I will post it for you.  Need to keep me on track!

I wrote The Badge in a college creative writing class.  It was a short story based on a passage from a famous short story Nathan Englander's, "Free Fruit for young Widows". 

I had to do some research on the way things were done in the camps, the more I read the more I knew how I was going to write it.  To attempt to connect todays youth with one of the darkest times in history and get them to understand, 

Thank you for reading it, I know it can be intense and you found some errors I missed!  I appreciate the feed back.