Luna's Child | SparkaTale

Sparkatale





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  • Joined 11/27/13
  • Last login 10/30/16
  • Followers 5
  • Books Authored 22
  • Poems Authored 3
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  • Reviews 2
  • Comments 38
  • Discussions Started 0
  • Discussion Comments 0
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Luna's Child's Bio

Just an aspiring writer and book lover who loves to share her work.

 

Books

4 0 0 217
Secret

4 0 0 248
Touch the Sky

4 0 0 236
Trading Yesturday

4 0 0 245
Tainted Reflection

4 0 0 263
My Best Friend

6 2 2 330
Luna's Child

4 0 0 243
Goodbye

4 0 0 221
Forever Mine

4 0 0 218
Dust in the Wind

4 0 0 245
Do I Know You?

4 0 0 404
Dawn of Tomorrow

4 1 0 263
Alien Sunset

4 1 0 243
After the Fall

5 0 1 228
Across the Sea
Poems

0 0 0 102
We Overcome

1 0 0 83
Home
Reviews
  • Blue Eyes

    Rating:
    Thank you Tara McClaine. :) Glad you liked it. ^^

    Reviewed on: January 17, 2014

  • Project: Aphelion

    Rating:
    Hey, so you finally made onto here! :D Sorry I'm so slow in reviewing your story on noveljoy; I've been busy lately.

    Reviewed on: December 16, 2013

Comments
  • More Than Meets the Eye

    Thanks a lot! This is actually the unedited manuscript of my novel, so it's not the best quality. I aught to edit it when I have time. Also, thanks for the follow; I hope you enjoy my work.

    Not sure if you read my comment, but I entered my novel in a contest, and I need all the likes that I can get. Would you please support my work by checking out the following link and click on the heart-shaped button on the bottom of the page? Once that's done, would you please share the link with your friends and family asking them to do the same? I don't mean to impose, but I desperately want to win! The contest ends on June 7th.

    http://www.inkitt.com/stories/22483

     

    I'd greatly appreciate your help.

    Commented on: April 3, 2016

  • Gifted

    Carey really does seem like the type of person to think things through. I wonder if that will cost her life at one point.

    Anyways, I'm curious to find out if Carey is going to agree to help the rebellion overthrow the Gifted, and maybe even get 256 to help them out.

    Commented on: April 18, 2014

  • Gifted

    Hey there! As promise, I have started to begin re-reading where I have left off. I feel bad for Carey having her high hopes deflate in a second. I hope nothing bad happens to her.

    Commented on: April 18, 2014

  • More Than Meets the Eye

    Sure thing. I've got midterms in the meantime, so boooo!!!!!!!!!!!! Dx

     

    Toodles!

    Commented on: April 6, 2014

  • More Than Meets the Eye

    Hey, sorry for the EXTREMELY late reply. I've been incredibly busy. I've read all of your reviews, and have made some adjustments. Also, I changed some details in the chapters, so if you're still interested in reading them, I recommend reading my story all over again. xD

    I haven't forgotten your story. I'll take a look at Gifted when I'm on Easter break which is next week.

     

    Toodles!

    Commented on: April 5, 2014

  • More Than Meets the Eye

    ...wow, this is such a late reply on my part; I apologize.

    Anyways, thank you very much for your review! It's great to hear that my story was to your satisfaction. :)

    Commented on: April 5, 2014

  • Gifted

    Truthfully, it's stupid of Carrey to wonder into a nonGifted residence with her uniform on. I know she doesn't have other clothing to wear, but she should have planned her visit better. Update soon!

    Commented on: December 15, 2013

  • Gifted

    It's ironic; in the beginning, Carey did practically everything she could to stay home, especially away from 256. Now, she considers him a friend; what a heartfelt goodbye. xD

    Nice chapter though!

    Commented on: December 15, 2013

  • Tales of The Apocalypse

    Ahh, okay that makes more sense. I was a bit confused as to why the scenery kept on changing, but the mini-series works just fine. :)

    Commented on: December 5, 2013

  • Tales of The Apocalypse

    -I noticed a spelling error in the third line where the woman spoke. You wrote: “A man’s died.” Obviously, the “s” has to be removed.

    -I’m curious as to why the doctor created the virus in the first place? Or maybe he didn’t create it, but was simply studying it.

     

    Commented on: December 5, 2013

  • Tales of The Apocalypse

    Ahh, a zombie apocalypse story. I've read a bit, so let's see how different yours will be.

    Commented on: December 5, 2013

  • Carriers

    Ahh teenagers, doing stupid things; in this case, releasing a virus that will infect the world. I’m surprised that no worker has caught them wondering into off-limits areas. Hot damn, 10 billion + people on Earth. O_O That’s a shit-load of people…

    Anyways, I found the chapter a bit lagging during the search for Katrina, but hey now that the teenagers are infected, the action should come along. ;)

    Commented on: December 3, 2013

  • Gifted

    -Dang, so Janelle's sister ended up being her daughter. Now that's even more personal; I'd be furious if some organization took away my child.

    Ooh la la, there is DEFINITELY something going on between Janelle and Samantha.

    I enjoyed reading this story; it's on a somewhat common genre, yet it wasn't superficial. Do update soon!

    Commented on: December 3, 2013

  • Gifted

    -You misspelt “she” as “se” in the part after Carrey takes 256’s sword. You also misspelt “but” as “bar” in the part where Janelle observes her recruits fighting a losing battle against the Gifted.

    -Aww, you killed off Emma! D: I actually liked her; poor girl. Well, their plan was a complete failure. I wonder how badly the Rebellion will be affected.

    Commented on: December 3, 2013

  • Gifted

    -Indeed, who and what are those people doing? Could it be Janelle and her Rebellion? Also, I'm beginning to think that 256 is starting to care for Carrey more than just as an attractive woman. It might even be possible that he'll fall in love with her in the future, despite that being forbidden. Only time will tell. ^_-

     

    Commented on: December 3, 2013

  • Gifted

    -Wait, I’m confused: I thought Carrey left 256 behind. Did I misread that last chapter, or is it just assumed in this one that Carrey eventually came back?

    -I noticed you misspelt “were” as “where”; watch out for examples like that. Same thing with “their” and there”.

    -I wonder what memories 256 is desperately trying to hold in?

    Commented on: December 3, 2013

  • Gifted

    -In the very first paragraph you wrote: -… enough that she’d be able to slip away when he without him noticing… - It should be: -… enough that she’d be able to slip away without him noticing… -

    -You misspelt “that” as “hat” in the part after the argument between Janelle and Samantha.

    -Hmm, Marvin's background is certainly interesting. I'm surprised he himself is not a Gifted since her parents both were. I suppose he's just an exception. However, his vagueness still makes me suspicious of him.

    Commented on: December 3, 2013

  • Gifted

    -I didn’t mention this before, but I like the fact that you switch between points-of-views. It allows the readers a diverse understanding of the story, as well as makes it more intriguing to read.

    -It's nice to get a hint of Janelle's background; she always remained a mystery aside from her goal to over-throw the Gifted.

    -Ooh, the Gifted are being sent to get rid of the Rebellion. Let the action begin!

    Commented on: December 3, 2013

  • Gifted

    -You have a spelling error in one of the paragraphs where Janelle meets her new recruits. You wrote: - That girl should not be trying leading a revolution. – It should be: - That girl should not be trying to lead a revolution. –

    -It may just be me and my ignorance, but is there a possible romance blossoming between Janelle and Samantha? I’d normally assume that they are just friends, but some of the details you wrote, such as making Janelle blush around her, leads me to suspect otherwise. If that’s not the case, then I over-think on your details too much. xD

    Commented on: December 3, 2013

  • Gifted

    Aww, it seems like 256 is finally experiencing human emotion. Maybe he'll eventually help Carrey is escaping, or maybe both of them will help Janelle and her group to overthrow the Gifted.

    -Just a head’s up, in the longer paragraph after Carrey’s dream you wrote: - It had been a little over her month… - It should be: - It had been a little over a month… -

    Another spelling mistake is in the second paragraph after the salesman runs off from Janelle. You wrote: - After all, the Gifted regime effected all of them.- It should be: -affected-.

    -Just a friendly advice, there were some instances in all of your chapters where you added redundant details. Ex: - Tonight, the snow that had been threatening to fall for so long finally appeared, coating the forest with a small layer of snow. – You could rewrite it as such: - Tonight, the snow that had been threatening to fall for so long finally appeared, and coated the forest with a small layer. -

    Commented on: December 3, 2013

  • More Than Meets the Eye

    True, but Guardians typically avoid people. :P

    Again, all will be revealed in good time. xD

    Commented on: December 1, 2013

  • More Than Meets the Eye

    That's true, considering that's what happened during the two world wars, but I decided to make Australia more independent.

    Eh, everything will be revealed in good time. :P

    Commented on: December 1, 2013

  • Gifted

    -I think there’s a spelling mistake in this line: “… I collapsed before we could. So stop whinging.” I believe you meant to write “whining”.

    -The Leader is one sadistic bastard. I hope he dies.

    -Marvin is indeed an elusive character. I can understand why Janelle is suspicious of him. I wonder if you’ll reveal more about Marvin as the story progresses.

    Commented on: December 1, 2013

  • Gifted

    -Just a suggestion, there are some areas where you can combine phrases together. Ex: The older man cleared his throat, filing away the form. “Well, we don’t have any of their clothes prepared at the moment, so for now you’ll have to stay in… that.” Since it’s the older man who was talking, it’s fine to place his line immediately after his description.

    Carey’s got quite the spirit; I admire her for keeping on fighting.

    Commented on: December 1, 2013

  • More Than Meets the Eye

    Thanks for your review; I really appreciate it when readers take the time to not only read my work, but also to give me feedback on them.

    What you will understand later on is that certain Phantom agents have the ability to switch between their "visions". So, they can go from electric-blue to whatever their natural eye-colors are. As for your suggestion of changing certain words, I believe that's a good advice to follow. I'll make the changes ASAP.

    Commented on: December 1, 2013

  • More Than Meets the Eye

    Oh dear, I thought I caught all of the typos. -.-

    Thanks for pointing it out.

    Commented on: November 29, 2013

  • More Than Meets the Eye

    Sending a messenger would be too risky because the Seekers are paranoid that the Phantoms put spies in their organization. It was in the Head Warrior's interest that he came personally to speak with Rachel.

    Commented on: November 29, 2013

  • Gifted

    -Ugh, labelling the Gifted as merely numbers is so demoralizing; they’re still people! They’re basically raised to be emotionless human weapons. Jerks.

    -There’s some issues I’d like to address. In the part where you describe 256 tying about Carrey, you wrote: - He wasn’t meant to injure the new Gifted… - I think you meant to write: - He hadn’t meant to…

    Also, in the paragraph where 256 and Carrey are travelling to wherever they’re going, you wrote: - … although 256 had been on the receiving end of many the dirty look. – I assume you meant to write: - … 256 had been on the receiving end of the dirty look many times. – or something like that.

    Another example is in the same paragraph. You wrote: - While they were stopped… - should be – while they stopped… -

    -I admire Carrey for being so stubborn even when she was kidnapped. Also, the way she bugs 256 adds a bit of humor in an otherwise dire, and tragic situation.

    -Just a question: approximately what century does your story take place in? I got the idea that it takes place around the Renaissance period, or close to it. Anyway, another cool chapter. Now I get to enter the world of the Gifted. :D

    Commented on: November 28, 2013

  • Gifted

    -Well, that woman who owns the Inn certainly doesn’t take no for an answer. I’d hate to have to give in to her demands. However, it seems like she “asked” them to come to her Inn for another purpose. Could she possibly want to overthrow the Gifted as well?

    -Oh sure, when Carrey was a baby, no one sensed her powers, yet they do when she’s 18. Talk about bad luck for her. But hey, this is where the action comes in. :P Nice chapter, just not a nice outcome for Carrey, haha.

    Commented on: November 28, 2013

  • More Than Meets the Eye

    Heh, glad you liked the action sequence. There will be more as you read along.

    As for those "run on sentences" you keep on mentioning, I'm still confused as to what you mean by them. Could you provide an example so that I have a visual on what you mean?

    Commented on: November 28, 2013

  • More Than Meets the Eye

    Rachel is a Seeker agent; the Seekers are like a private military organization that has authority over the law, that includes the police. As such, Rachel doesn't have to answer to any law aside from her superiors within the Seekers. As for her neighbors, well they'd have to suck it up. :P

    Commented on: November 28, 2013

  • More Than Meets the Eye

    Thanks for your review, I appreciate it. Hmm, I'll see what I can do in order to make the beginning of the chapter more smooth.

    As for his eyes, it's a foreshadowing. I can't simply reveal who's eyes they are otherwise that defeats the purpose of the mystery.

    Commented on: November 28, 2013

  • More Than Meets the Eye

    Rachel's physical appearance is described in a later chapter. Ninjas are indeed awesome. :D

    Commented on: November 28, 2013

  • More Than Meets the Eye

    Well that's an embarrassing mistake! Thanks for pointing it out. And yes; the Phantoms are cruel bastards. :D

    Commented on: November 28, 2013

  • More Than Meets the Eye

    Haha, yep Rachel is indeed a badass. Glad you like her. :)

    Thanks for your first review; they truly give me a sense of fulfillment. :)

    Commented on: November 28, 2013

  • Gifted

    Wesley definitely seems attractive… Hah, sorry, it’s just that I have a killer weakness for guys with blond hair and blue eyes, teehee. It’s so cruel to take a child away from their family simply because they are “gifted”. Okay, they want to train them, fine, but make it like a special academy where they go during the day, and then come back home at night; just like a normal school you arrogant pricks! xD

    Oh snap, Carrey was actually a Gifted in disguise. How was she overlooked as a baby? Perhaps that was her ability, or maybe her powers only activate when she is in danger? Either way, the story is definitely interesting. I wonder how it will develop, especially since Carrey found out that she’s a Gifted, and those two other women want to declare war on the Gifted. So exciting!

    Commented on: November 28, 2013

  • Day and Age

    -I'm like Jake because I too am a quiet and shy person; I don't like telling people about my problems, not even my own parents. Alas, we find out the strange girl's name: Emma. It seems to suit her oddly enough. Anyways, I enjoyed your story so far, and I encourage you to keep on updating it. :)

    Commented on: November 28, 2013

  • Day and Age

    -Just some advice: you used the pronoun “you” when addressing the readers. It’s not a crime, but from what my English teachers have always taught me, a writer should never address the readers directly. So instead of writing: - It had been six weeks since they’d been forced to be here, and most had the spent the summer the way you did when you lived in Perth…. – write it as this: - … and most had spent the summer the way people would when living in Perth… -

    -It’s sad that Jake lost his twin brother; I can’t even imagine the pain he must have been going through, losing his other half. Reminds me of when Fred died in Harry Potter. Also, that white-haired girl reminds me of Luna Lovegood. I take it that some of elements in your first chapter were inspired from Harry Potter, right? If not, well it reminds me anways. xD

    -Nice first chapter. You really added the element of grief well, yet with a hint of humor as well, (the weird girl.) I’m looking forward to seeing how the relationship between Jake and the white-haired girl develops.

    Commented on: November 28, 2013