Sparkatale

Okay, this is going to be messy. Because everytime I write something, it's effing messy!

First of all, I think this is the first prince I've ever seen in a Fantasy story who takes care of his own interrogations. Yeah. Friggin'. Awesome. Oh, and also the first time I've seen Elves wearing socks! Unless it was someone else's sock. In that case, they should return it. Definitely.

Although I'm rather a fan of small implications of settings, descriptions etc (depending on context and what kind of story it is of course), instead of tedious lists and elegantly phrased sentences, I think some people may want a more vivid image of the... Nah, I'm just messing with you. I didn't find it necessary.

Oh, before I forget. I'm somehow glad you didn't forget to add the fact that all men are undeniably sexists in Fantasy. Awesome.

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If you're writing a dialogue with a comma after the verb, I'm fairly sure that in English, the next sentence within the quotation marks should be lower case. For instance: "I'm sure," Kaeron responded, "what is your name?"

However, if you write it out with a period instead: "I'm sure," Kaeron responded. "What is your name?" it should be capitalized.

The writing was simple and great. I didn't have to stop once and read it out loud.

The dialogue is witty - much thanks to the plucky heroine - and awesome.

I'm personally not a fan of using adverbs to modify the verb said or any similar word. That's mainly because every dialogue belongs to the character(s) involved. Thus, it's better to show, rather than tell in dialogue, in my opinion. Because otherwise the author is sticking his/her nose in a little bit too much. The dialogue itself should be enough to give the reader a somewhat clear image of the character (except something needs to be added).

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I'm not really sure in which direction you want to go with this story. But I do love it when two persons from completely different worlds end up having to work side by side. Biased.

Even though I don't even have the slightest idea how it'll work out in this story since I can't find a logical reason why Kaeron would want to keep her around. You'll have to surprise me. Satirical stories tend to be very good at making up stuff we haven't *wink wink* seen before. That's why we love 'em so much.

The only shame is that there are only two chapters to read!

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Holy, jesus, grief, crap, shit this comment is confusing. Sorry! I guess I'll try to write something better next time...! Once again, sorry. Hope you can understand what I'm trying to say though.

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P.S  Please let Kaeron have shining abs smeared in baby oil too *drool*. He sounds lovely and I would be grateful for all enternity.

You're awesome.

Thanks so much for the comment and suggestions! It made me laugh and scare my dog to pieces. (I do not have elegant laughter). 

I'm not completely sure where this story is going.... but I think I'll let the character's take hold of the plot. Ha. This may end in madness. Hope you won't mind!

Anyways--back to the topic! Thanks for the lesson in grammar dialogue... I've always been confused about that. In all, thanks for the lovely comment. This reply is probably just as--if not more--disorganized than your response. Basically, just wanted to say THANK YOU.  

And yes, I promise to tell Kaeron to take off his shirt once in a while... 

Holy crap. I am so mad at you right now *slams her fist into the wall* (FUCK, it hurts). Why did you not make this chapter longer?! Now I have to wait for the next one. Geez.

I was expecting a couple of things. 1. An awesome fighting scene (despite her hangover) where she shows off some stunning moves that not even the most lithe acrobat could perform! 2. Some more interaction between Erilee and the lovely boy-toy Prince Kaeron (think dirty smiles and meaningful looks). Meh... So much for wishful thinking! 

The prolonged interaction would be more of a build-up for the next chapter. But I think you've got that covered.

For some reason, I picture Kaeron as a very special actor with very beautiful eyes that could seduce anyone - even if he covered them with his hand! And of course the pointy ears. Please don't spoil my fun!

And yes, folks. A Fantasy story deserves its own Roofies.

Awesome.

"Kaeron walked over and squatted in front of her, pulling the woolen sock from her mouth. Meanwhile, the previous guard and a second just entering gave a warning yelp." Wait, what? I'd recommend rewording or clarification here.

"But perhaps, this human thief was simply… demented.

The girl watched him as he contemplated her words.

"I'm not afraid of death, you know," she said, trying to fill up his silence.

Insert observations.

He still did not respond; it was aggravating.

"Hello? You dead?"she questioned. When he didn't respond, she spouted: "Blegh, you're so boring!"

Insert boring monologue.

The minutes that passed by were monotonous. She had run out of ideas as to what he was thinking.

"Fine! Fine! I'll tell you my name!" the girl cried, vulnerable to boredom. "It's Erilee.""

This felt really choppy, and there's not really any need to make a new paragraph when a new character doesn't speak. It interrupted the flow you had going for the story.

Otherwise, I think I'm going to like this story. A drnk girl steals an elf prince's horse. Sounds like the Hangover with a fantasy twist. The summary however is rather vague, and doesn't really shed any light on the humor or the plot really that we unearthed in the first chapter. (Good job with the humor, by the way. I laughed at several of her remarks.) Sometimes the story felt choppy, but otherwise it was a good start.

Sometimes short chapters are a nice break. Coming off of reading a story where there's almost never a short chapter this was a nice, humorous break. I read a story once, not on here, that reminds me of this one. Kind of random, felt sometimes a little too random, but still made you laugh because it had you saying "what the fuck?" That was a zombie apocalypse story. This one's different, and doesn't feel as random and strange as that one was.

Same little things to nitpick and complain about as the last chapter- in some places it seems short and choppy, interrupting the overall flow of the story. Also, the use of capitalized words is a little pet peeve of mine. I know you used it to show a character shouting or put emphasis on something, but you don't exactly have to do that when you could just use words to describe them shouting instead of capitalizing it. It's just me, but I feel like it looks sort of juvenile.

Oh. My God. This is hilarious! There was a dirty sock in her mouth... *continues deranged laughing for several more minutes*

I cannot believe Erilee! Especially when Kaeron untied her nad she tried to escape. She's so cool; the tough, down-to-earth type with a great sense of sarcasm. More please!

Your descriptions were fantastically humerous; I haven't laughed this much in ages.

Poor Erilee (lovely name BTW). How could everyone just leave her like that? It touched my heart when she said "Friends?" And what are Viekrum?

So, in conclusion, my dear LIz, hurry up and update! >,<

Thanks for the comment! I have to confess that I am not very good with keeping up with updates... but I'll try. I usually try to update by the 17th of the month, if nothing else. But you will definitely get something within a week! 

And Viekrum... well more will be explained next chapter. Let's just say it is a cliched addition to my fantasy satire. Every fantasy needs a Mordor/Isengard! Or something. 

Man, Erilee has the worst luck ever. Lost and she broke some expensive statue? And wow, the cows in Belvar sound scary.

Your humor is unmatched, which makes people eat your writing up like they haven't seen food for the past three years. It'd be nice if later in the story (after Kaeron and Erilee have maybe fallen for each other, blah, blah), Erilee reunites with her tribe, and Kaeron punches her dad for what he did.

Keep up the good work, and Erilee, good luck on getting out of there!

I'll be honest, I meant to read only a chapter, yet I found myself reading up till you stopped. It was very entertaining. I loved the characterization more than anything else. Eirlee is brilliantly written as well as the rest of your characters.