Untitled Poem I, a General poem | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Untitled Poem I

By: Heather Brown

Created: April 15, 2014 | Updated: April 17, 2014

Genre : General

Language : English

Reviews: 2 | Rating:

Comments: 0

Favorites: 0

Reads: 226


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I have two sides.

Outside and inside.

Outside is a wall.

Outside looks blank.

Outside is silent.

Outside tries to look sturdy.

Outside is merely a mask...

...To the inside.

Inside is a different story.

Inside is a horror story.

Inside I'm screaming.

Inside I'm crying.

Inside I'm broken.

Inside I'm dying.

This is my warning.

Remain outside.

Never venture inside.

Outside is the calm of the storm.

Inside is the storm.

Reviews (2)


  • D.M. Gergen

    This was beautifully tragic. I really enjoyed the way Jonathan Yandura attempted to explain what love is. Obviously for a short piece there were lots of questions about the world they were living in and if it would be possible for Johnny to survive in the wilderness alone. The same goes from Trish. My one critique of this was just the abundant use of Johnny. It may have been intentional for nearly every thought he had to begin with Johnny, but it was hard to tell due to this being a single chapter. I would love to see more in this universe, maybe more with Johnny as he explores the world alone...maybe even more of Trish now that she's alone. Overall, a very good story.

    Rating:
    August 26, 2013 Flag


  • Louis Kemner

    I like the tragic turn of events at the end and Johnny's confusion and inner turmoil up until then. However, two issues... one, the setting is post-apocapyptic and having Trish and Johnny as the only two beings around feels way too convenient to me. It forces them to be alone, but you'd think there'd be other survivors or at least a hint of them. Also, the first half of the story drags and is too info-heavy. You want to have a snappier pace and use action and dialogue to move things along, not constant inner thoughts. I think there ought to be a better balance there. PS I'm not the technician type, but I'm fascinaated by the social and emotional implications of human-robot interaction and relations (such as whether they have a soul or true emotions, or if it's "right" for a person to love an artificial being).

    Rating:
    August 10, 2013 Flag


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