Sparkatale

I like it. Kinda reminds me of a k-drama, hahaha.

Oh wow, they're like cat and dog! Hahaha, I love it! Jaewon's a bit of an jerkface, but since he's a Prince it makes sense.

Oh wow! You've really got a lot of content posted up here. There's a lot of great stuff I'd like to mention but I might just not have enough time to fit it all in... I'll do my best to give a decent overall critique. 

The first chapter started off well, and I did figure out the setting once the word "kimchi" was mention lol. Though, what is kimchi rice? Is it a futuristic food only in your story? I've always thought it was kimchi and rice (though I myself am not Korean). Oops, got sidetracked! Eek, this might end up being a very messy critique--sorry. 

The story itself is very enjoyable--nice headstrong character, solid setting of ruthless royal-court, witty dialogue between all characters. However, if I'm going to be truthful, I'd say it's a bit "used." Your story itself is great, but unfortunately I've seen several variations of this plot. It just needs a touch of...sparkle. 

I'm sorry for being so vague and saying such a huge outlandish statement, but I really think it just needs a little bit of a push. I think your story is great--publishable material definitely! I'm just saying I think you could add or twist something to really make it "pop."

On another note, your chapters are also adhering to the dangerously-lengthy side. It's great because when readers get an update, they'll be getting  a lot. However, I do believe it's safer to be a little shorter. You could definitely split most of your chapters into two and be perfectly fine. 

I'm glad I didn't, but I almost never picked up your story due to its incredibly long and inconsistent chapter lengths. It's just one of those things that usually marks an amateur writer. Judging by your work you're definitely not an amateur, but I still think more uniform chapters would benefit you greatly. 

Those were my main two points! I'd like to say "awesome job" again since I really can't mention all the good points when I'm critiquing. The society you've created is very intriguing and I look forward to seeing more--especially once Junseh is out of the Summer Palace. I'm actually quite glued in and worried at the same time about how the romance will turn out... Yes, I hope all the characters will be wary and keep in mind their goals.

Well, I hope you keep going with your story! Only chapter seven and I've already seen so much great stuff!

~Liz

I must admit coming into this story I expected it to be about a pseudo-medieval society. I read “royalty” and that’s the first thing I think of ;) I was pleasantly surprised when it turned out that the story turned out to be set in a futuristic (I’m assuming it is, anyway) society. Anyway, good job for defying my expectations! I think your story will be more original this way. I like the main character so far, and although the chapter was quite short I think you did a good job of introducing her.

Now, one of the first things I noticed about this story is that you’ve given us a truck-load of information about their society, how it works, the tier system, etc in a very short space of time. I think it might be better to ease into it a little. Instead of just explaining everything in the narration perhaps include a bit of action or whatever that conveys this information in a less direct way. The chapter is only just a thousand words, perhaps expanding it a bit so all the information doesn’t seem as upfront would be better.

Hey! I thought I’d review this chapter again, considering so much has been added to it since I read the first one. Anyway, my comments on the first part of the chapter still stand, here are my comments on the second part:

This was a very intriguing chapter. I, like Junseh, am wondering how this man knows her Mum. I have some suspicions… Still, I need more info before I can form an opinion. Anyway, I found this chapter strangely amusing. It was a little confusing, but in a good way, as Junseh seemed to be confused so it’s like I’m feeling what she’s feeling… Sorry for rambling, by the way. I tend to do that.

Anyway, there were a few instances that I thought were a bit repetitious. Like this line, at the beginning of the second half:

“Junseh tied her hair in a ponytail and tied a handkerchief over her head.” Personally I’d use another word, maybe wrapped, in place of the second tied. There were a few sequences like this throughout the chapter. Sorry if I’m being really picky!

I didn't add anything to chapter one outside of merge it with chapter two lol.  But I guess you're not reading beyond that, both initially and now. :) In any case, thank you for reading and commenting! I honestly don't edit what I put online. Editing is for my publisher. Online is just to see how people take the plot. :)

Chapter One

I loved it! The first couple paragraphs delve right into not only the character and tell about her, but also her surroundings in a simultaneous node of vision. I like Junseh already. I can relate to her quite well since I know someone who’s almost like her, maybe a clone? I don’t know. I like her though.