Sparkatale

Your writing is good. Only a few little errors here or there, but nothing major. I do have a few suggestions, though, for you. The beginning of the chapter was nice since we got a good glimpse at Nia and the family dynamics. I still have no idea what she looks like, or really any of them for that matter, so that would be something to maybe add. Also, the flow of the story starts to really slow down when you get to explaining everyone's age and who lives where and why. Perhaps this is important to the story, but I think you could cut a bit of that down and simplify it a bit. Also, there's kind of a weird mixture of modern and your typical fantasy world here. For example they live in a small village, so I'm picturing huts and things, but then Nia went down a set of stairs to a kitchen. It sort of jarred me a bit since I made an assumption on what things looked like and it didn't really match. More description there is needed. Also when Nia gets mad she goes from talking like a typical fantasy novel to saying thins like "punk ass queen". Again, what is the world like? Is it modern, thus making language like that fit with the overall scene, or is it more long dresses, horses, and swords? Finally, this chapter really didn't seem to go anywhere. Yes, we know Quin is leaving, but then she meets up with someone (who is he, what does he look like?) and the chapter ends. I feel like you should have either cut it off earlier or made it longer to end at least a little more decisively.

Your writing is great, but i agree with D.M. Gergen on most of his accounts, especially the end, i think you should've ended it a little earlier. Besides that, i definitely want to read more of this story, keep up the good work :D

Thank you very much for your feed back. I will definitely have to think about the whole housing situation explanation and etc. As far as the modern/ not modern aspect of the story, their language is a mix as well as their housing. Most fairy stories have them living under hills or in tree's, being invisible to the naked eye, living as tricksters or etc. My fairies are more human in nature than your typical fairy story. I will have to go back and try to make this more clear in my story. Which will be difficult because humans do not exist in their world. Also in regards to the ending I simply copy and pasted a section of the first chapter, not the entire thing. I didn't realize it came off as not going anywhere; going forward I will try to add enough to make it appear cohesive. Thanks again for the feed back!