Status: In Progress
Summary:
From my series of books entitled, "Stories of Worlds that Do Not Exist", in which the first book is based of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Caroll.
As a child, young Alyss stumbled upon the infamous Wonderland as a tresspasser. Hidden but found later by the queen, a terrified Alyss was forced to kill The queen before she could kill Her, making Alyss the accidental heir.
15 years of a horribly ruled Wonderland, an insane Alyss has caused the people nothing but misery and pain.
And now, within the depths of the crumbling world is the voice of dark justice, and it's calling for blood...
*This book is now discontinued. However, if you enjoyed this, I would recommend the book I am currently writing--the feel does grow to be quite similar :)Created: August 16, 2013 | Updated: July 10, 2016
Genre : Fantasy
Language : English
Reviews: 1 | Rating:
Favorites: 6
Reads: 2701
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| 1: | A Short Prologue and A Good Day | 1345 |
| 2: | The Truth about Lies | 1735 |
| 3: | Darkness Lurks Where the Beast Does | 2380 |
| 4: | The Crazed Cook Makes Meals for the Insane | 1562 |
| 5: | An Author's Note [Not a Chapter] | 243 |
| 6: | A Cheap Discontinuation | 317 |
| Total Wordcount: | 7582 |
Reviews (1)
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I really love what you've done with this piece. Creating a dark Wonderland may not be a new idea, but this one feels like it has its own identity. The rules you've made enhance the setting rather than constrain it; I love the rationale behind the need for a ruler. Alyss feels like someone with a complex past instead of just a viewpoint character, and I can't wait to see what you do with the other characters she's going to encounter. If there's anything to criticize, then your exposition does slip a little close to infodump territory at times (mainly when she's fighting the Prejudie in the third chapter). But for the most part, I think you're doing very well. Keep it up!
Rating:
May 11, 2014 Flag
Comments / Critiques
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Alright, it read a lot easier than your other story I have commented on. I would say that there are a few spots where you have single lines as separate paragraphs that could probably be combined, but otherwise nothing really to say in terms of structure. I liked the beginning of this story a lot. It really created a nice creepy feeling that had tragedy written all over it. I feel like some of the dialogue could be a little more powerful (especially with the Cheshire Cat in the first chapter), but I'm not sure how you would do that. Maybe a little more emotional descriptions or something. Otherwise, good start!August 21, 2013 | D.M. Gergen
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This is definitely interesting (the creepy intro was a very nice touch), though I might suggest a little bit of work on your formatting. You've done a nice job portraying your characters as well. Over all, very nice start.
March 23, 2014 | Danelle Septhon
