Status: In Progress
Summary:
Created: November 30, 2013 | Updated: December 3, 2013
Genre : Mystery
Language : English
Reviews: 1 | Rating:
Favorites: 0
Reads: 978
Share this:
1: | The Wyreton Witch | 461 |
2: | Solution #1 | 74 |
Total Wordcount: | 535 |
Reviews (1)
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This is an astounishing story! It has an amazing story line and the words aren't dull. I did notice that in the very beginning I was very confused. It switched from a smell to a road. But other than that, it was amazing! You are an amazing writer and I have lots of hope for you.
Rating:
December 14, 2013 Flag
Comments / Critiques
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Chapter: 2 Reply
Things you should think about:
Do acidic perfumes really smell so bad that it makes people want to puke?
Would this mixture work? I know someone who uses soapy water to get worms to rise, mind you she uses a lot of it, so this lady's "potion" should work right?
The definition of a potion is a mixture of liquids so she isn't really using false advertisement and if it works why cant she sell it?
Yes, people can make it themselves if they now the recipe. Yet I know a store that sells BLTs and I can make that my self and they aren't doing anything wrong by selling it.
December 13, 2013 | Heather O'toole /Davies
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Chapter: 1 Reply
There's a typo in the title, in case you didn't know.
Right, so a few little things to watch for. I didn't find grammar errors\typos but there were a handful of sentences that read funny.
"Her eyes smarted, but later she would realize it was worth it." Her eyes smarted? Wait, what?
"Her eyes stared at Cassie, and Cassie shivered." It feels repetitive to use her name twice with only one word between. I'd just use 'she' if i was you. I read somewhere you were only supposed to use the same character's name, with the exception of dialogue\interactions with others, three or four times per page.
And my guess would be because there were no worms coming from the pot.
Overall, I'm pretty impressed this is the writing of an eleven year old girl. You have a very mature style and it's better than some of the works of older people I've read (not exactly on this site) So cookie for you.
December 15, 2013 | A . Nonymous
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Chapter: 2 Reply
Well, I was wrong. I didn't even think about it. But you can't exactly arrest someone for lying... But she was scamming and loitering, which is illegal, so yes, she could be arrested on that account.
December 15, 2013 | A . Nonymous
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Chapter: 2 Reply
I thought the solution was very clever. It is the simpler things we tend to over look. I appreciated the fact that I had to spend some time to figure it out, which I do not have to do often.
January 12, 2014 | S S Desai