Sparkatale

It's not bad. However, you focus too much on telling as opposed to showing. You said things in a very quick way, which gives the reader little time to process and imagine what is happening. I was quite surprised when there was suddenly a baby being born out of nowhere, and then a heartbeat later he was taken away with very minimal complaints from the mother.

Overall, it has some potential, but I think you need to add in more description and make sure your painting a picture, not saying directly what occurs. That should also slow down the pacing drastically, which is good. You need to give the reader time to identify each character and what they are doing in their heads.