The Baker Family Murders, a Thriller story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

The Baker Family Murders

By: aurora lightday

Status: Completed

Summary:

Trey Baker was the only non-killer in a family of Assassins. Or that was what he led them to believe. Will be updating weekly. :D

Created: June 13, 2015 | Updated: July 11, 2015

Genre : Thriller

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 6

Favorites: 0

Reads: 464


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    Comments / Critiques


      • Chapter: 1 Reply

        I think this story has a very interesting concept, and I can also see it has plenty of potential. I'm looking forward to seeing future chapters.

        There were a few mistakes that I am going to point out to try to help you improve. I saw a couple of misspelled words, and you didn't capitalize the word "I" in the middle of sentences.

        Also, I think explaining the hostility between Trey and his family was a bit too much of an info dump in the middle of the chapter. If you ever go back and edit the story, I think it would be better if it was shown through their actions and conversations more—you know, the old show-don't-tell rule. Perhaps you could show it in this first chapter and elaborate on it in future chapters.

        Overall, though, I liked the chapter and am curious to see the rest of the story.

        June 14, 2015 | Aretice N. Treader


      • Reply

        Thanks for pointing that out. I will beta read my stuff better next time.

        I was very indecisive about how I was to present the conflict between Trey and his family even while I was writing this, so basically I REALLY winged the first chapter. The upcoming chapters are just as turbulent in terms of how i am going to present them, but i will take your advice into consideration. 

        This story is me getting back in story writing after almost giving up completely on writing. So i appreciate the feedback. 

         

        June 14, 2015 | aurora lightday


      • Chapter: 2 Reply

        I did not see that coming.

        This chapter was really good. I like that Trey is actually a baker. That's absolutely hilarious to me.

        There weren't many mistakes besides not putting commas where they were needed. Great job!

        P.S. Give the Baker family my condolences.

        June 22, 2015 | Aretice N. Treader


      • Chapter: 2 Reply

        This is going pretty well. Well done on how you're playing it out. 

        June 24, 2015 | Angel Origins


      • Chapter: 3 Reply

        Good Chapter! A couple of mistakes here and there that I saw but nothing that editing won't catch.

        June 29, 2015 | Angel Origins


      • Chapter: 5 Reply

        Nice. Very nice. I liked it. Cool how you did it with the parents and the sister. 

        July 14, 2015 | Angel Origins