Wastelanders: Revolution, a Adventure story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Wastelanders: Revolution

By: Lisa Wynn

Status: In Progress

Summary:

Four bounty hunters. Find a cyan haired girl named Niamh in the desert. However, Niamh doesn't remember more than her name. Ryan, Beltran, Rowan, and Jin while dealing with their own issues and try to track down their primary target. A man called 'Lariat' ho seems to know more about Niamh than even she does. Who is Lariat and why is he after Niamh?

Created: April 23, 2015 | Updated: August 10, 2017

Genre : Adventure

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 2

Favorites: 0

Reads: 783


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    Comments / Critiques


      • Chapter: 1 Reply

        This appears as a monolithic block of print.  It desperately needs PARAGRAPHING.  When the narrative switches topics or characters, hit the enter tab.  A new paragraph will be created. 

        There are many intrusive commas:  His, fiery red, hair flying up behind him as he did. --omit the comma after his and after red.:  His fiery red hair ...etc.  Also, this is a sentence fragment. 

        The whole text needs a careful and attentive pre-post edit.  Good luck.

        April 28, 2015 | Lynn Hollander


      • Reply

        I appreciate the criticism and will keep it in mind in the future. However, you assume I typed this in the site and on a P.C./Laptop. It was typed up on my phone in an office app and was copy pasted to the site. So it DID have PARAGRAPHING when it was originally written. I also went through it and hit the arrow key to make sure it was still in paragraph form, but I guess the site didn't register it. I'm also lucky if I can get the site to work without freezing and crashing. It's exceedingly frustrating espscially when trying to do it on a 3.4 in. screen. So keep that in mind the next time you critique someone's work.

        May 12, 2015 | Lisa Wynn