Muffin Strangers, a Romance story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Muffin Strangers

By: Kain Delo

Status: Completed

Summary:

She's been having a bad day and he's been spending too much time at the Cheese. On the day her admission letter came, they happened to meet over a cup of coffee and a chocolate muffin.

Created: March 15, 2015 | Updated: September 4, 2017

Genre : Romance

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 2

Favorites: 0

Reads: 220


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1: The Only Chapter 4559
Total Wordcount: 4559

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    Comments / Critiques


      • Chapter: 1 Reply

        This was actually pretty entertaining to read. Stories like these usually don't fall under my wide umbrella of interests. This one, however, had me genuinely chuckling. 

        You can tell Aria is completely heartbroken by her breakup, as she should be it was a terrible experience she had. Though it all comes off very comedic; her anger, her sadness, all emotions portrayed are so out there. Almost like a romantic comedy you'd watch on T.V. Although, it's hard to make a personal connection with Aria, as I am an older male, where as she is just a teenage girl. She still has very endearing characteristics. I think it's her attitude: "Even though I'm down, I'm not out."

        Here are a few things that stood out to me while reading this:

        [The waiter said and left, leaving by my lonesome again.] I think you meant "leaving me by my lonesome again." 

        [I'm lactose Intolerant..] you've capitalized the "I" in intolerant. 

        [Absolutely nothing like Gerar who was eighteen, currently an asshole, planning to take up Chemistry, and an excellent speaker of Chinese, English, and Butt kissing and someone I would love to punch right now.] This sentence seems a bit long winded, perhaps breaking the sentence down into smaller ones would make it seem less drawn out. She certainly has a way of complimenting Gerard while insulting him at the same time. A clear indicator she's not completely over him. I laughed each time she kept referring to him as Asian.

        [A brave man, if you ask me. But Justine saw me staring at them and rushed to me, spilling the drinks Chuck was carrying. A complete waste of chocolate if you ask me.] This seems a bit repetitive to me. Using the phrase "If you ask me" twice disrupts the flow a bit.

        All in all, there weren't many mistakes to point out. Your writing is simple, easy to read and very entertaining. You were able to feed out information without it coming out like "word vomit", and you managed to do it without boring me. Well done. 

        April 13, 2015 | Chris C. Gladsom


      • Reply

        Oh gosh. Wow. That was an overwhelming review/comment. Thank you for that.

        I apologize for all of those typing errors. I tend to get over-excited when I type and publish something as soon as possible and then edit it later but seeing as my computer was taken away the entire summer and I have just gotten a laptop, I am only now going to edit it. Ahaha.

        Aria's attitude about life, basically, like all of my other characters, are based off of my own attitude so wow, that was a huge addition for my already swellingly huge ego. XD

        Again, thank you for reading Muffin Strangers and contributing to end the suffering of my Chris Ramirez: Teenage Crazy readers, who have been anxiously waiting in silence for someone to comment/review on any of my works so that I would publish the next chapter in the series. Hahahahah

        June 3, 2015 | Kain Delo