- Joined 05/23/14
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Hey there! I'm Kain. An eighteen year-old Political Science student that's been writing for roughly six years now.
There isn't much that you need to know about me to enjoy my stories. I'm just a random recluse who just so happened to stumble upon the world of writing at the age of eleven, thought it would be nice to write my own stories and started out as a crappy writer with much to improve. Since then, I've gone to become a much better writer that feels like writing is the only place she will ever be fully comfortable in.
I'm a geek that reads books, writes stories, goes to school, volunteers and has fun with life. A lot of people find me arrogant despite my friendly nature. Oh well, it's their loss not mine. I'm happy with the friends that I really have since most of them are like me or even worse (better?).
Mostly, I write about things that I see in my daily life. Some of them significant, others not so. Other than writing stories, I also write essays and journalism articles. The genres I dabble on the most are Young Adult, Romance and Comedy, although sometimes, I write some dark shit that I don't post because I get too freaked out to finish them.
It was really amusing how everything was pieced together. I feel like I've read something similar but I can't seem to put my finger on it... Anyway, it was a nice story, the anonymity of the boy added to the effect and all but it lacked description of the scene and what the boy is doing. If you had added a description of the places and of the action, it would have been a lot better. But again, all around good story. :)
Reviewed on: November 14, 2014
TIB! I know this is extremely informal and stupid but I have no other way of contacting you since you disabled your email. Shoot me up if you ever read this. I have stuff to share with you.
Commented on: February 4, 2017
I'm happy you think it's just as great as the other chapters because I really felt like this chapter was really cheapened by a lot of the references and it lacked a lot of Chris factor for me and I was so close to just not publishing it.
As regards to some of the errors I've made, I'll try to look over the chapter again and correct them when I have the time (which is pretty rare nowadays.)
To the plot, I can't really say much about it but it has finally been broken down and written so I guess you should expect something to finally happen. And the part with Erin abandoning them for Phineas and Ferb was not exactly what I had in mind when I first started typing because I had already gotten to typing Chris and Jason dressing up and preparing for it and then when I stopped writing for two months, I realized that it was possibly the most annoying thing that could happen to them. Now, I'm not going to say if something's going to happen in this chapter or the next but something is going to happen. It's only a matter of when it'll happen. :)
Fun Fact: When Jason stopped taking ballet, his mom made him do Interpretative Dance.
Commented on: June 17, 2015
Oh gosh. Wow. That was an overwhelming review/comment. Thank you for that.
I apologize for all of those typing errors. I tend to get over-excited when I type and publish something as soon as possible and then edit it later but seeing as my computer was taken away the entire summer and I have just gotten a laptop, I am only now going to edit it. Ahaha.
Aria's attitude about life, basically, like all of my other characters, are based off of my own attitude so wow, that was a huge addition for my already swellingly huge ego. XD
Again, thank you for reading Muffin Strangers and contributing to end the suffering of my Chris Ramirez: Teenage Crazy readers, who have been anxiously waiting in silence for someone to comment/review on any of my works so that I would publish the next chapter in the series. Hahahahah
Commented on: June 3, 2015
Damn. That was a really fun chapter! And the development was just... <3 And the fact that despite you saying that Kozel and Wendy aren't going to be romantically together, the story just makes it seem like it's heading into that direction. Their banters are so cute and just made me scream on the inside. It was amazing.
There is one thing I'd like to point out though. In the previous chapter, when Wendy's mother offered Kozel something to drink, it was stated that he found anything other than water a little unusual and that leads me to questioning his skill in making hot chocolate. The dude has been living in a cave and then all of a sudden he knows how to make hot chocolate? Did he learn it in one of the books at the mayors house?
That aside, it was great and I honestly can't wait to read more.
Commented on: March 7, 2015
The sarcasm in that first sentence was amazing and was probably the cherry on top of an awesome day for me. Oh my god. I guess the chapter does make you wonder how they're going to deal with actual kids. Heh. I didn't plan on it seeming like that but good enough! I had to stop myself from laughing out loud at your assumption of the ending though. They're teenagers, something that isn't learning a valuable lesson is more bound to happen. (Not baby making tho. That's eh.)
Thank you for pointing those errors out! I was high on determination to finish everything before Valentines day and all that and I couldn't really edit it. I fixed the errors and tweaked a lot of the stuff you wrote about. Again, thank you.
It was the end of school. If I remember correctly, school there ends at three, which is insanely early compared to the fact that school here ends at five in the afternoon and sometimes, when you've got work to do, six or seven in the evening. XD
Math. In the first part, she was referring to Geometry class and in the second one, she was referring to Trigonometry. Over here, we have to math classes. (Right now, it's Advanced Algebra and Calculus. I cry.)
Carrie's name was mentioned in the chapter where they were first asked to pair up and do parenting exercises in Miss Ribe's class. I can't remember which chapter but it was mentioned. Her original name is Cassie and then I changed it to Carrie after a while because of Ansel Elgort. XD
Changed the ass to cheeks although, butts are sometimes referred to as ass cheeks and I just thought about that now I understand why you were confused. XD
There wasn't really a favorite part in the story that I relatively liked because they were all really normal for Chris and nothing just... stood out. But chapter fourteen, though, has one awesome part that I really loved writing. (I'm halfway done with it. Bahahahaha)
Hey, if you want more Chris-like stories, I recommend reading Patricke or Fortune Cookie Monday. Those are like my funniest so far. XD
I guess I come up with everything Chris says the same way I come up with things to say. I can't say that they just pop into my head because I normally have to do a ton of goofing off during the writing process to be able to make funny stuff happen. Like, in the Labyrinth chapter, I was watching a ton of videos on YouTube.
I'm glad you see it as random and not really well-orchestrated in a way that makes it feel inauthentic. I was worried the chapter came off like that. XD
Chris describing Erin's room as blindingly pink was golden. And not just because it's a girl saying it but because too much pink actually blinds. It happened once. XD
I guess you'll have to. :P Chapter fourteen is really normal so far and finally, social media will be part of it and you'll be seeing a lot of selfies happening. Also White Chicks, apparently. XD
Commented on: February 25, 2015
Wow. That was engaging. I could already tell that this is different compared to your other stories. It has that certain... zing that just makes me want to fly over to wherever the hell you are, hold you at knife point and request another chapter immediately. That's how great that first chapter was. I look forward to reading more!
Commented on: January 14, 2015
Oh shiiiit. That was beautiful Thank you for that beauty.
Commented on: December 31, 2014
Hahaha. I ship Chris with anyone. She's just one of those characters you'll literally even ship with grass. Like Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter. He's been shipped with so many people and things it's impossible to keep up. XD
With that complaint, I have to say sorry. I was rushing to post the chapter up so when I copy pasted it to Sparkatale, I totally forgot to read through it. Mostly because it was really late (or early) on Christmas eve and ekk, I was sleepy. XD
Oh. Thoooose. I guess it's just me being a little careful. It was one of the problems I had when I first started writing. I lacked those a lot. I literally assumed people would understand who was saying what back then. I guess I'm still a little wary of that. Hahaha.
With capitalization issues, I was sort of taught that after an ending of a sentence, the next letter, regardless of any quotation marks and such, would be capitalized but I'll check that out. XD
Oh. Chris was just looking for a way to describe them having sex, to say it bluntly. [Thankfully, they were only undressed, where they needed to be undressed to do the do.] = The only articles of clothing was removed were the articled that restricted intimate activity. XD I changed it though. To make it more clear and probably more funny. Hahahah
I was in my room, arranging my bookshelf and scratching the band aid on my chin, which is why I have a scratch outlining the band aid. That was where I was on the night of the murder. XD
Yeah, I totally get your point. Again it's just me being an old cow making sure I don't go back my former writing ways. For this one, it's the pace of the story. The conflict doesn't really start for a while and I'm just building it up, I guess. My former stories (Ones that I have burned and sacrificed to my dogs) were all to fast-paced and left little for character development so I guess I've been counteracting that urge by writing at a very slow pace.
I wanted it to end with "Your words hurt, Chris. They hurt me where Urinary Tract Infection hurts." since it doesn't sound funny but at the same time it makes you want to laugh because he's trying so desperately to joke around.
I had imagined Jason to always be this jock guy who was just that. I never thought that he'd become this guy that just gets Chris. I guess we'll see where this story goes.
The labyrinth only exists in my mind. Hahaha. I got the idea from a title of a long forgotten story I wrote and didn't finish. It was supposed to be this group of teenagers finding a labyrinth under their school, Yangtze Preparatory, which is actually where Experimental sprouted from. You could say that this unfinished story started an entire chain of stories at ultimately led to the creation of CRSM. XD
The Y was a punny inside joke that makes me laugh every time. It's a Y because Y=Why as in 'Y the hell are they looking for a why.' It's like that algebraic math joke about X. I thought it was really funny so I made my own version. Hahahahhaa
Your favorite part was the one that went right with the chapter. It's sort of word-for-word from my plot outline. Behind the story plot, you have that conversation. There was one quote that I really wanted to put in but it didn't really fit. It related to Chris' classmate and was supposed to be another thing that he said.
"If you're ready to love someone, look for someone." It's so not funny it's actually funny and makes me laugh for some reason.
My favorite would totally be the part where Chris yells "Megatron!" It's so random and weird you'd never expect it. I actually got while I was watching a NigaHiga video on Youtube where Sean creeps up on Greg with a Transformers mask on, I think. Hahahah.
Commented on: December 30, 2014
I'm sorry for the lateness of my review/comment. I was overwhelmed by the number of chapters that I needed a loooong time to think everything through. I think I'm going to leave a comment every chapter before deciding what to say in my actual review.
Answering your questions:
1. No. Definitely not. It was very well-written and very precise.
2. No. The wording was not boring at all.
3. Naaaaahhh. You're good.
4. Well, there were a few but I'm pretty sure they will be explained in the following chapters.
5. It kidnapped me and kept me prisoner and I ain't even mad, man. It was great and I'm hungry for more.
I honestly believe that there is nothing you need to improve for this chapter. It was great. Just... great. As always, whenever I read a good story, I don't have a lot of words for it. Until next time. :)
Commented on: December 19, 2014
Aside from the summary, the story looks great so far, although it does seem to lack 'something'. I have no idea what that something is because it's only the first chapter. Maybe it's the character development, I'm not sure.
Speaking of character development, I find it *really* healthy to keep back a lot of information about a character so it adds to the mystery of the story but the thing is, keeping too much of the information is a bad thing as well.
Speaking of the summary, it probably wasn't a good place to put an 'authors note'. The summary is the place for your story's summary, not your thoughts.
I think that's it. :)
Commented on: December 19, 2014
I would be lying if I didn't say I was getting worried. I've been really dependant on your reviews. Like, I wouldn't properly start typing a chapter until I'd read your review for the most recent one. Honest!
I've taken note of some of your concerns and have made a few changes and stuff. But the germs thing though...
It's like one thing I can't change because technically speaking, billions of germs are literally crawling around your body right now. We just can't see 'em, and that was what Chris meant. That would also mean that what a human being would perceive as perpetually clean would still be littered with germs, no matter what.
I blame microsoft word for being a meanie and auto-correcting my writing without my consent! I am totally not liable! Really! ._. But the uncapitalized 'd' in McDonalds, you can blame me for. I'm used to typing out, "Mcdo", which is what we call it here, since that's where my friends and I sometimes eat when we feel like it.
I'm not sure about the 'How to America' thing anymore. I just wasn't feeling it after I wrote the chapter. It didn't fit anymore.Hahahaha. I guess we'll see. That would have been fun though! Maybe next time.
Oh the title doesn't mean the beach they were at! It's supposed to be a play on how 'beach' sounds a lot like 'bitch' and you know, Amber being one of them beaches. XD I kid.
I'm glad you like the extra detail. I extensively google something if I want to be *really* specific. XD
Aunt Shelley is Filipino. Markus and Jason are white. Will is Filipino. I am Filipino. You are white. :3
Commented on: December 16, 2014
Hahahah. Don't worry Thirdy, your manliness will come back eventually. Did the chapter make you girly fangirl happy or just happy? XD
Yeah, you got it. He's a senior and Chris was also supposed to be a senior if she stayed. (Luckily she didn't. Or else we wouldn't be talking about this.) Hahahah. Maputi or not, you just got owned by a story.
I don't think they went back in time to order pizza. XD What does your country not have a 24/7 pizza place like we do? Omg, has the Philippines finally 1up'd the US of A? No way! Jkjk. XD
I'm glad you like the analogy I gave with her aunts snoring. XD I based her snoring on the snoring of a guy friend during Red Cross Camp. (I recorded it on my phone. He wasn't amused. I play it a lot to piss him off)
The informal/literary touches thing should be attributed to my journalism teachers. XD
I'm glad you like the way I name my chapters. It takes a lot of critical thinking to pick the perfect joke/referrence to make the titles. XD
Both man. BOOOOTH. I'm a PJO fan AND we have blue lemonade. It tastes like regular lemonade, but it's blue. :P
Yes, Aunt Shelley is based on that aunt. Ahahahahahaha. I've got a pretty big pool of people's personalities to base my characters off of. Everyone I'm friends with or related to, in one way or another, is weird and effed up. XD
You're welcome. Although, you deserve it! There were some points where I'd be stuck and something you'd say would just get me going again. XD hahaha
Commented on: October 27, 2014
I'm sorry. I cannot do it. I made it until the note passing.
Your beta reader, Krithika? He/she may be an awesome person but he/she is a sucky beta. The chapter is one big paragraph and I don't understand a lot of it. I'm sorry. Unless you improve the way you write or replace your beta, I can't read this story, no matter how great I might think the plot is. I'm really sorry.
Commented on: October 22, 2014
I had a lot of concerns when it came to your story and like one of your other reviewers, I say you HAVE (Yes, I'm using bold, italic, underline and capital letters for emphasis because it felt needed.) break the story into paragraphs. I had no idea who was saying what and where I was most of the time and it added to the headache I was already suffering from.
Another thing I was worried about was how you didn't capitalize proper nouns like Decia, Decans and Hemrican's. The entire chapter, I was like, "She didn't capitalize it!" "Oh thank you God! She capitalized Decia but monkey butt. She didn't capitalize Decans." You should fix that. Like, asap.
Another concern was that I felt like there were things that could have been explained in the first chapter. I get that you might be planning to clarify most of my questions about the story plot as I delve deeper into it but I feel like you were holding too many things back and it made me feel like the story lacked the excitement that made me want more.
There was this one sentence, near the end that made it look like you forgot that this was a first person point of view and you said 'He' rather than 'I'. And rather than using '...' to put emphasis on the stuttering (W...what?) or whatever it was you were trying to do with it, why not use '-' (W-what?) it sort of makes it look better.
And I'm sorry if I sound mean or anything with my review but I just felt as though this story, based on the first chapter, needs a lot of work. Like, a lot. When you sent me that message, I honestly knew right away that I was going to read something like this. Now, that's not a bad thing. The story seems really great! It really was. It was just that the way it was written was just... wrong.
And on a personal note, by experience, it's not exactly recommended that you call people 'loyal readers' right after the first chapter. I know. I've tried. It did not end well and considering the reviews you've been given so far and if you don't follow through with improvements, you won't have 'loyal readers' or any readers at all, probably.
I apologize if any part of my review made you felt scandalized or insulted. Just doing my part as a reviewer.
Commented on: October 22, 2014
Oh god. You don't know how much that means to me! Ever since I posted the chapter I was anxiously waiting for your review because damn man, you're honest and I seriously didn't trust the opinion of the people who read it while it was being written.
Actually, the confusion would be both our faults. XD I felt like the story was inconsistent because of the fact that it was written between a lapse of four months and written in chunks. Hahaha. With the phone thing, I assume it's just Chris being paranoid or maybe Cesson may have known the password. We'll never know.
It was hilarious? Really? I thought it was really mellow because the first person who read it said it felt calm and that Chris used 'fuck' too much. Hahaha. My baby got the overuse of 'fuck' from me. XD
Most of the anime references I admit were really funny but only because I was thinking of a college friend who photoshopped a series of pictures to make it look like he did the glasses thing. The result was epic.
I guess my favorite part were the jokes and I actually thought I should just reveal who owned the bag in this chapter but I got to the ending of the chapter with her not saying sorry and I was like, 'ehhhh. daz enough.' Like, the story normally revolves around the joke. Literally every chapter I've written so far is based off of one of the jokes in each chapter. ._.
But the part that I really had fun writing about was when she was reaching for the bowl of soup and she thought of 'boy'. Like, no boy in specific but just 'boy'. XD And I also liked the 'Shit. One shit. Two shit. Eight shit. Sixty-nine shit. I'm shit. ' because it just felt really funny.
That italic flashbacks weren't supposed to symbolize her being sick but thanks, I think the story made more sense in my head when you said that. Hahahaha.
I'm pretty surprised you think it's relatable from even a boy's perspective. Hahaha. I would say I tried really hard to make it like that but that would be lying. I'm just going to be honest and say that the way Chris thinks or her line of thought, really, is a lot like mine. But maybe that's just because I was raised to be one of the guys. Hahahaha.
One thing I should warn you about is that the story is going to get weirder after I introduce a few more characters. And also that most of these characters are going to be male. Hopefully. Hahahha.
I would honestly really like any help you could give me. XD My friends over there are either busy or are homeschooled so... XD I guess I'll hit you up if I got any questions.
Commented on: October 20, 2014
"Joih. But you can call me Joy. I'm seventeen."
Oh god. I don't know if you know this but my name is Joy. Hahahaha. XD
The story was pretty engaging and I don't even have enough words to say. XD I read one of your other stories a while back and it seems to me that you removed it or something but yeah, comparing that to this, idk, this just seems much more my style. (Totally not just saying this because my name is in here. Promise.)
I could totally dig into this, man.
I request a next chapter soon!
Commented on: October 19, 2014
I most certainly have no idea what I was aiming for when I wrote that Chris was late for her birth. I guess she was making a point that she was never late to school. I can't remember. XD
In regards to study periods, we don't have them here. A lot of the American stuff I write is based on google searches and questions I ask my friends. Let's just say the school is cool like that. ._.
Popping the 'p' is an expression I read a lot on fanfictions. I assumed it was a normal thing. As for "having you to oblivion", it was a typo I made. It's actually "hating you to oblivion." I've changed it, nonetheless. And I have no idea where their dolls went. I might have forgotten about them while I was engrossed on who the purple bag should belong to. (Spoiler alert: I still have no idea.)
Her aunt is just plain awesome although I doubt Chris does that since I would assume that her aunt made a point to just embarrass Chris to an extent where she wouldn't seek out revenge like a psychopath. Haha. *nervous laughter*
Nope, I have not heard of "Junie B. Jones" up until you mentioned it. And I googled it and the way it was written does sort of make Chris seem like Junie B and I find that really flattering from some reason.
I'm glad you think that the chapter was detailed. I tried my hardest to give more description, which is something I really lack. XD I guess after the tenth chapter, updates will get slower and slower because school over here starts on June 9th, which is in three days. ._.
Commented on: June 6, 2014
Thanks for commenting! I'm about to finish the first chapter of yours. I'm sorry it took a while.
Finally, criticism! Oh bittersweet criticism! Ye has come! Anyway, enough of that.
I must admit that that was unedited since I wrote it back in 2013. The references were disgusting and abused. And there is no excuse for the cursing except maybe for Chris trying to express herself. XD I get that cursing teachers are illegal and all but I thought it would add flair to the story.
Commented on: June 5, 2014
I am so sorry about the typos. XD I must admit I was rushing to finish that one. As for swearing, did you mean "Oh pag-ibig na ito! Pwes! Hindi na ako magdusa pa!" It's Tagalog, which I am now forced to use more often, and it means, "Oh love like this! I don't have to suffer anymore!" Which is just a raw translation of it. It's actually funny in Tagalog. I'll try making an audio clip of me saying it in the way I thought Chris would say it in the future. XD
I'll those when I get back from this annoying family vacation thing. ._. And, dieded, albeit being an imaginary word, is something I can imagine Chris actually saying.
They were eating outside and let's just say that Marie and Gaston were in separate parts of the house doing god knows what. (Probably baking) And if you listen to the intro song of Belle in Beauty and the Beast, you'll realize something familiar. Hahahahahaha.
About that... well, I guess was aiming for really stressing the words, I'll edit that too when I can. And with the birds, I have no idea. XD
With concerns with vocabulary, I guess it's because Chris, like me, is new to the American culture. But... now that I think about it, that's a great way to develop Markus' character and make him more important! Thanks for that! ;)
Also, I'm reading ToF and in no way is the humor despicable! Just because I have a different way of making people laugh doesn't mean it's despicable. The story may not give out as many intervals of laughter as mine but when it made me laugh, it made me laugh. Which is something most people have trouble doing because somehow, I'm so blasé about everything. XD
Also, question: Would you like to see Chris speaking more ridiculous Tagalog phrases?
Commented on: June 1, 2014
""I heard Carter Lewis is coming back." I hear my gossip girl classmate, Millie whisper to her best friend, Lizzie."
Probably not a good idea to use the same verb in the same paragraph. lol
Also, the story was great although a more descriptive narration would have been nice.
I await what happens in chapter two. No pressure. :3
Commented on: May 31, 2014
I've honestly never stepped foot out of my country but I thought the story would be a little bit more interesting with a "bad" teacher. XD
In the beginning, "The classroom seemed to far away and the warning bell only rings if we have a minute left to get to class apparently because when we get there..." Chris was making an assumption that the warning bell meant a minute left to get to class and that Miss Ribe was always sassy in the mornings and all "stripper-like".
Also, Chris was lost in thought while the couple was making out and when Markus had made her jump down from the tree, the couple was gone, hinting that time had passed. Which kinda means the couple made out a long time. Ew.
Chris as we know, has a weird understanding of things. Markus reminding her of her old life is weird, I know. Maybe she had a classmate that had a grin almost like his. Maybe it reminded her of Xlasteu, who knows? She's weird. XD
The shelves, they were the bottom-most, which meant they were more likely overlooked. As we know, Markus has so far revealed two hiding spots to Chris, and Markus, has that typecast knack things because he is a Lurker, according to Chris. The shelves are built to fit the books so there would be no way to know there was a hollow space behind the row of books.
As for the humor, I'm glad it makes you laugh. I constantly sit in my computer chair, slightly rocking it as I look at the creepy pedobear coin bank behind my computer screen and slam my face into the keyboard as I decide if a thing is funny enough to become a funny thing.
Throughout writing the story, I thought people would think I was some sort of bloody sailor, swearing and all. Since I tend to swear constantly, due to really really really influential swearing classmates and whatnot.
Other than incorporating in my love of books into Chris, I also incorporated in my ADHD, which would explain a lot regarding her hyperactivity and eating funks. Like me, she's a fussy eater. Since I normally have these days where I just don't feel like eating anything for an entire day because I feel like I went to an eat-all-you-can buffet the day before. You'll most likely see Chris binge eating later on.
Chris, did not lost weight by dieting, I assure you. I cannot fathom giving my baby an eating disorder much worse than the one I have. ._.
Commented on: May 31, 2014
The next update comes tomorrow, depending on when I finish it. XD I have nothing else to say except, GO GET ME FOOD, PAM.
Commented on: May 28, 2014
The comments you leave always gives me hope. Thank you. I'll try my best to make changes to the present tense words. XD Also, I checked the paragraph where they climbed up and changed it to make more sense. Thanks for pointing that out!
Let's just say the aunt is really hip since she's only around five or six years older. Which explains just about a lot of things like her disregard for a lot of things parents care about. She cares for Chris and knows that the only way to gain her trust is to be that somebody who let's her do anything with few restrictions.
As for torivors, they are beings from another world in Brandon Mull's book, which I made a referrence to in chapter two, I think. Lurker, if I remember correctly is the nickname for torivors and one of the main characters in the book called one of the Lurkers, Lurky. Which is where I got the name. Markus in the first chapter resembles a Lurker because he was withdrawn in class, which gave Chris the assumption.
The Philippines is the country where I live. And I thought the story would be a great way to show people what the country is like, which was one of the reasons I first wrote this story. I guess it made sense with the previous title of the story which was "Asian Chris: The Mom" which I had changed when I wrote chapter two because of a comment on another website that had said that the story was cheapened by the stereotypical clichés, which was basically one of the key points in the story.
The parts where Chris gets distracted and zones out are based on my adhd. And when I was writing about the couple making out, I had no idea what making out was supposed to look like, to be honest. XD
Commented on: May 28, 2014
I'm so sorry (about doing the thing at the beginning) about the canon thing! I assume I was sleepy when I wrote the first chapter back in 2013. XD I think most of your questions would be answered as we delve deeper into the world of Chris.
About the 'ass' thing. I guess I could put the blame on the original story plot which was stereotypical characters in a stereotypical world with stereotypical scenes. I am unfortunately one of those people who really like going to stereotypical places, which would explain a lot. (I'm rambling, I'm sorry.)
Wait. You think the comedy in this was natural? Thank you! ;") I have to admit that's a first because I normally have to "force" myself to be funny. That really means a lot. I hope you read on! Thank you for reviewing!
Commented on: May 27, 2014
The word count (I felt like doing the thing) was completely coincidental and I had no idea up until you pointed it out. What I normally do is just try to reach a certain number of words, depending on how many words were there in the previous chapter. I blame my ocd for that.
When Chris said "He is the guy in this" she was referring to the cultural norm of men waiting for girls to arrive, which was why she decided to take her time in getting to the park. Whereas with the biker, I can see what you mean. It does seem confusing. I've already replaced it with "I pushed myself to the not street side of the sidewalk and hoped for the best."
I checked the story again and isn't really an inconsistency with the time because the walk to the park is three minutes and she had four minutes to get there but I can see how you can get confused. XD
With the capitalization, it isn't necessary to capitalize god because it's a noun. If Chris or any of the other characters were to directly address God then I would capitalize it. ._.
As for reading The Voices of Faie, I'm already reading. c:
Commented on: May 26, 2014
Chris is a great big bookworm. (One of the few things I really want to incorporate into most of my main characters) As for who Chris looks like, you'll find out. I haven't really worked out that part of the story because that part of the story up until the part where they get to the school roof was written in November 2013 and the rest of it was written a few days before I published it. Ehehe. XD
In terms of the dialect, I have no idea. I sometimes accidentally mix British English with American English because in my country there's no rule against it, seeing as it isn't a dominant language here. I'll try to correct those as soon as possible.
I can't thank you enough for the criticism. It's refreshing to know I still have to work on a lot of things. At my school, the people who read my works never have anything negative to say to I really appreciate honest reviews. Thank you!
Commented on: May 25, 2014
With ItLog, finding out where English fits is the mystery. ;) As for the Badum're thing, I corrected it. I guess it was from when I copied it from Microsoft word.
As for thinking it all up, well, I would be lying if I said I planned everything thoroughly before writing anything and claimed that it was all purely fiction. Throughout the story, you will notice things from the real world and one of the greatest examples of that is Minecraft. The friends you read about during the skype call are based on real people I am friends with because of Minecraft. And that group conference thing at the library actually does often in my group.
The plot is basically anything goes. Whatever I think of at the moment makes it into the cut. There is no pre-plotting, which I guess should be a no-no in writing. When I normally write a story, I think up the beginning and an end and fix in the details I want at the moment and that's it. XD
Commented on: May 25, 2014
One thing that shocks me the most is that you have never heard of a Baby Alive before. It's a famous toy from back in 2010 or something. It's interactive. You feed it "baby food" and change it's dirty diaper (Which actually does get dirty from the baby food.)
As for the poor descriptions, I would like to blame the fact that when I first started the story it was in April 2013 and I was still stuck in the "New to Writing and Confused" phase, which we all know produces "raw" works. The second chapter did not come out until October of that year, which I guess would be around the time I subsequently "improved" as my English teacher had said. I'll take note of the errors and correct them as I go along.
Which brings me to the next point. (I cringe at the first chapter, honestly. It somehow pains me to read it.) I guess at the time, I had no idea where I wanted the story to take place. It was between somewhere in Canada or the US. I think I wrote where it was in chapter three or four. Xlasteu is a dog Chris adopted before she moved in with her aunt. I assume he was the product of my former want to have another dog.
Although I can't remember, I feel like I did want this story to go a certain direction at first but it seems lost in my head, forever roaming, never to be found. :3
Commented on: May 25, 2014
Well that was quite exhilarating! The foreshadow of calling Francis "it" was nicely done and it added great suspense to the story. :)
Commented on: May 25, 2014