Cast Out, a Fantasy story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Cast Out

By: D.M. Gergen

Status: In Progress

Summary:

For centruies Korrin has wandered the earth, searching for a way to remove her curse.  Chasing after the promise of redemption, she finds herself in a new body and a new life in the quiet little town of Wrightville with little hope of finding anything meaningful.  Yet, little towns lead to big discoveries and sends her down a path which will determine her fate once and for all.

 

This is the first book of the Redemption Trilogy.

Created: August 25, 2013 | Updated: September 3, 2013

Genre : Fantasy

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 7

Favorites: 3

Reads: 365


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    Comments / Critiques


    • Reply

      I really, really enjoyed this story. There were some typos in it, but very minor. It looked like you started typing too fast and words were left out. Other than small instances like that, I really liked the concept here. You give plenty of detail, but you don't overwhelm the reader. You explain the Light/Dark part well enough for a first chapter. I get what's going on, but I don't fully grasp it, which is why I'm looking forward to the future chapters. Good job and I look forward to reading more!

      August 28, 2013 | Niek Morenta


    • Reply

      Thank you for catching the typos. I always think I get all of them but a few seemed to slip through. I'll go back and try to edit. Also, do you think that there needs to be more of an explanation in this first chapter of what's going on? Was there anything that you felt just didn't work or needed some more umph to it to make sense? Thanks for taking the time to read this and write a review. It is very very appreciated.

      August 28, 2013 | D.M. Gergen


    • Reply

      Well, I think it you go back in and start explaining too much, it'll lose the steady flow you've got going. It moves at just the right pace, I think. So I wouldn't edit to add more umph, honestly. The approach I would take is taking umph and layering into the next few chapters. You made mentioned of Belial and I'd love to know more about the history behind that. I'd also love to get a better idea of what exactly both of them were before the darkness. But I know these explanations will certainly come in time as the story unfolds. So yeah, as it is, it makes sense. My curiosity as a reader is piqued, so I'll definitely be reading the following chapters to see more of this world you've created.

      August 29, 2013 | Niek Morenta


    • Reply

      Yikes, that was a long first chapter, and I'll admit it felt a little daunting to read. Of course, I'm also guilty of long first chapters so just ignore that. I'm sorry it took a while to return the feedback, life got a little busy. The premise is original enough, even though I'm not entirely sure just what's going on. I'm thinking Korrin is a devil or demon, but I can't decide which. Otherwise I like her character, but the only thing that bugs me is her hair color- I mean, that's going to evoke stares. She could have just told her new foster mother that it was hair dye... There's a few typos, but as Niek Morenta pointed out it simply seems like you got to typing too fast and just left out a word. I understand what's going on in the story, but there's the only little abusive foster parent cliche that bugs me. After being a wattpader for a few years, I've seen all the cliches and I just can't get past them- however, the story's original and I have faith in your writing skill to make it work. Just watch it, that's all. Looking forward to reading the future chapters.

      September 2, 2013 | A . Nonymous


    • Reply

      Hahaha, well I will say that I do lots of things I hate seeing when I read other stories, so yes, I'll agree with you 100% that's a long chapter and I could probably cut it down. With that out of the way, thank you for the review. I'll defend the weird hair color since it serves a purpose. It's minor at this point but does play a bit of a larger role later on (at least how I have it outlined). For the cliche foster parents...well yes, you are right. It is cliche. There is a plot point with that as well, but I get what you're saying where it might get me into trouble. I hope that if you keep reading you'll let me know if I start straying into that territory. As of now, chapter 3 or 4 really lays everything out in black in white. But maybe I'll put it in earlier. Again, thank you for the review and the criticism. I'll try to smooth out the typos, be a little more concise, and hopefully keep this original!! Looking forward to reading more Carriers soon :)

      September 2, 2013 | D.M. Gergen


    • Reply

      Ah, I see what you mean. Like I said, I've just seen it done piss poorly on Wattpad so I was a little apprehensive about it, but I think you'll be able to smooth out the creases because well, we're dealing with a demon here. It still feels original, I didn't mean to come across as everything was massively cliche. And alright, I'll accept the hair color bit. I had a feeling it was important to the story. And alright, looking forward to the feedback. (:

      September 8, 2013 | A . Nonymous


    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      So I looked at this.  There are no indentions.  Have you ever managed indentions?  I know some stories here have, and I am anxious to learn the technique.--Lynn.

      October 15, 2013 | Lynn Hollander