SparkaTale: Read it, Write it

Eight Hundred and Forty Nine Days Ago

I'm so glad you liked it!

Commented on: September 20, 2013
The Enchanted Journal of Terra Rose

I really like the cover for your book. It's really quite pretty. You've got an interesting start here, but it's a little hard to read because it's one long paragraph. I would suggest starting a new paragraph with each of the reasons to help break it up. Also, if you're going for a fantasy sort of story, I would watch out for words like "ugh" because that's a modern thing and sort of throws off the fantasy feel. Other than that, looks neat. :)

Commented on: September 18, 2013
The Keeper Chronicles: Hunt for the Blood Queen

Also, thanks a lot for reading! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! :)

Commented on: September 18, 2013
The Keeper Chronicles: Hunt for the Blood Queen

I believe that there is. There's a little heart button underneath my book cover that you can use to favorite it .

Commented on: September 18, 2013
The Keeper Chronicles: Hunt for the Blood Queen

Alright. Thanks for the insight!

Commented on: September 6, 2013
The Keeper Chronicles: Hunt for the Blood Queen

Thanks for critique. Honestly, the swearing bit was added to give contrast between Niek and Velry, one prim and proper, the other a lit firecracker. I suppose there could be better ways to approach the juxtaposition, but it's also part of Niek's character. I'll mull over some options to make it the flow continue and not bog down on words not fitting for the period.

Commented on: September 3, 2013
The Keeper Chronicles: Hunt for the Blood Queen

Thanks! It means a lot that you're enjoying the story. I'll definitely go back in and reexamine the brother section. To be quite honest, I'm thinking about removing all mention just for the fact it's not vital to the story. I was just trying to provide more background to Velry, but I feel like the entire mention feels out of place, not just the phrasing. What do you think?

Commented on: August 31, 2013
Life of Death

Greetings Serious Savage! I want to commend you on your good work here. I am a serious lover of language, and I adore your inclusion of her native language here. I'm nerdy, but I look forward to seeing more of it. I like what you've written here, I truly do. You have a sparse style of writing, but you pack so much into what you give us. I love your characterization and I think you fit so much into their personalities just through the dialogue. One thing that bothered me was the part where you describe the hermit looking guy. You say that it looks like he's lived alone for seven years. I'm sure there's a reason you put that number, but there's no possible way Lynne can know that so specifically just by looking at him. Unless she has some ability we just don't know about, of course. Maybe saying something along the lines, it looked like he'd lived alone for several years. That's better than her knowing seven specifically. Other than, great job and keep up the good work.

Commented on: August 30, 2013
Curse of Sins: Into the Dark Cavern

Okay. Let me just go ahead and get this out of the way. I am impressed. I am impressed to the nth degree. I can hold back my adoration of this story no longer. I am a lover of fantasy and I try my hand at writing it as well. What you have done is try your hand at writing fantasy and succeeding. You have a real handle on your world, it sounds like. You're aware of the politics and all aspects of it, so you're able to weave details in and out of one another. I think it's a really great ability to have. There are a few things I have to suggest. It may be my personal taste or it could be something you agree with, but I feel like the flow sort of stops and gets bogged down every time you introduce someone. You introduce a character and then stop to describe them from head to toe. It is as if a pause button gets hit every time. My suggestion would be to describe the characters within the flow of the story instead of stopping it to dump all the details at once. Also, I found one typo. Only one in the whole thing, so really great job there. But the tavern, The Horse's Hoof, was lowercase when it should have been capital. But that's all I got. Keep up the great work and I look forward to reading more.

Commented on: August 29, 2013
Cast Out

Well, I think it you go back in and start explaining too much, it'll lose the steady flow you've got going. It moves at just the right pace, I think. So I wouldn't edit to add more umph, honestly. The approach I would take is taking umph and layering into the next few chapters. You made mentioned of Belial and I'd love to know more about the history behind that. I'd also love to get a better idea of what exactly both of them were before the darkness. But I know these explanations will certainly come in time as the story unfolds. So yeah, as it is, it makes sense. My curiosity as a reader is piqued, so I'll definitely be reading the following chapters to see more of this world you've created.

Commented on: August 29, 2013
Cast Out

I really, really enjoyed this story. There were some typos in it, but very minor. It looked like you started typing too fast and words were left out. Other than small instances like that, I really liked the concept here. You give plenty of detail, but you don't overwhelm the reader. You explain the Light/Dark part well enough for a first chapter. I get what's going on, but I don't fully grasp it, which is why I'm looking forward to the future chapters. Good job and I look forward to reading more!

Commented on: August 28, 2013

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