Created: April 16, 2014 | Updated: April 16, 2014
Genre : Drama
Language : English
Reviews: 1 | Rating:
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Lightning rips the sky open;
Thunder yells and roars.
Someone's heart is broken
For she's not there anymore.
Twisted days of isolation
With a heart that doesn't care
Leads to utter devastation
Knowing she's not there.
Lost focus in the eyes
Heavy feelings in the chest
Wondering the way to try
To give this pain a rest.
Driving needles in his brain
And blades into his wrists
Loneliness driving him insane
Depression refusing to desist.
How is this any good?
How is this okay?
How is there a way he could
Prove his heart's dismay?
Keeping portraits is wrong
But brings temporary relief
She'll be back before long
This is his full belief.
He sinks further now
Running towards total defeat
No one can see just how
Or why himself, he beats.
A day crosses his mind
Sends him over the edge
Completely tangled in his binds
Leaned far over a weakened ledge.
But a voice calls
Tells him not to dare
Saves him from a fall
Shows him just who really cares...
He turns around
But yet shows no joy
There is no sound
From the tormented boy.
He reached out his hand
To touch her face
Quickly to understand
She wasn't a dream displaced.
Insanity died away;
The wounds began to heal
She was there to say
She was beside him still.
Reviews (1)
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I really love what you've done with this piece. Creating a dark Wonderland may not be a new idea, but this one feels like it has its own identity. The rules you've made enhance the setting rather than constrain it; I love the rationale behind the need for a ruler. Alyss feels like someone with a complex past instead of just a viewpoint character, and I can't wait to see what you do with the other characters she's going to encounter. If there's anything to criticize, then your exposition does slip a little close to infodump territory at times (mainly when she's fighting the Prejudie in the third chapter). But for the most part, I think you're doing very well. Keep it up!
Rating:
May 11, 2014 Flag