Sparkatale

Hi! From what I can see, there are some mistakes on punctuation. There's quite a few places I could spot that would need a comma and the like. There are some typos too, like "withim" and "infrotn". I also spotted sentence which used "plane" whereas I think you meant "plain". I see potential for Immortals - you just have to proofread your story for any mistakes. On the positive note, I like how you describe. I could imagine the sunset and feel some sympathy for Nessa. It's got to be hard seeing a loved one's grave. Overall, just be a little more careful. Continue writing!

I'm a little confused here. Since when did Nessa know that the guy's name was Duncan? I might've missed something. Aside from that, I can see a few missing words, unless "Asylum" is actually a name of a place. I noticed a sentence somewhere with an extra "the" - you might want to check that out.

It's just a suggestion, but maybe you can add an extra line before every sentence that you indent? It just looks a little thick to me is all, but you don't have to do it. For this chapter, I'm curious as to how she knew his name, like I said earlier. Again, description was nice and I just think you should proofread your chapters more. As writers, we tend to overlook our mistakes since our brain knows which word should come next, hence we may have trouble spotting errors in one go. Maybe asking a friend to read would help. Keep writing!