Sparkatale

Quite an evocative piece. Fantastic example of capturing that exact scene of climax in a story, that arc before free fall to conclusion. While there are a few syntax discrepancies and other grammar related issues, they are fairly limited.

This is, in my opinion, an example of good writing. You don't drown your message with a flood of similes and metaphors, you strip your idea down to its bones and made it remain engaging. Leaving your reader wondering, thinking, questioning but not so much that you feel cheated or irritated. You want to know about this mysterious hero, you want to know why they are so important or how they fell.

Message could have been more heavily intoned. I got the feeling that you wanted to instill a greater feeling of unity from the loss and or failure of this hero. The lines separating classes, or even people, became blurred into nothing as hope was lost. This is not to say you didn't do well, especially considering the very small length of this flash fiction, but just as my main critique after the basic grammar.

As a final personal preference praising, I loved the inflection of the final line, as well as its build up right before it. I would venture guessing you drew from Slaughterhouse Five's famous line "And so it goes" to invoke that gravity of language and drive your message.