Sparkatale

I think this story has a very interesting concept, and I can also see it has plenty of potential. I'm looking forward to seeing future chapters.

There were a few mistakes that I am going to point out to try to help you improve. I saw a couple of misspelled words, and you didn't capitalize the word "I" in the middle of sentences.

Also, I think explaining the hostility between Trey and his family was a bit too much of an info dump in the middle of the chapter. If you ever go back and edit the story, I think it would be better if it was shown through their actions and conversations more—you know, the old show-don't-tell rule. Perhaps you could show it in this first chapter and elaborate on it in future chapters.

Overall, though, I liked the chapter and am curious to see the rest of the story.

Thanks for pointing that out. I will beta read my stuff better next time.

I was very indecisive about how I was to present the conflict between Trey and his family even while I was writing this, so basically I REALLY winged the first chapter. The upcoming chapters are just as turbulent in terms of how i am going to present them, but i will take your advice into consideration. 

This story is me getting back in story writing after almost giving up completely on writing. So i appreciate the feedback. 

I did not see that coming.

This chapter was really good. I like that Trey is actually a baker. That's absolutely hilarious to me.

There weren't many mistakes besides not putting commas where they were needed. Great job!

P.S. Give the Baker family my condolences.

This is going pretty well. Well done on how you're playing it out. 

Good Chapter! A couple of mistakes here and there that I saw but nothing that editing won't catch.

Nice. Very nice. I liked it. Cool how you did it with the parents and the sister.