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- Joined 06/11/15
- Last login 05/29/18
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{ a b o u t • m e // i n a c t i v e }
I will not be active on this account anymore. I'm sure this community will be a great one, but I do not have the time to maintain so many writing accounts, and I have not received the feedback I wanted (aka very much at all) that would have kept me active on this account. I'm sorry; again, I just do not have the time or energy to try to maintain this account. I will keep everything up here that I have already posted, however. Please click on the links below to find me (preferably through the bolded ones).
{ f i n d • m e }
FictionPress » https://www.fictionpress.com/u/887896 {my archive account} // N O T • A C T I V E
Penana » http://www.penana.com/user/1248/aretice-n-treader/ {my main writing account}
Wattpad » wattpad.com/user/areticentreader​
Ask » https://ask.fm/areticentreader
Tumblr » http://areticentreader.tumblr.com/
Twitter » twitter.com/areticentreader
Have fun and a great rest of your life!
« a r e t i c e »
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I did not see that coming.
This chapter was really good. I like that Trey is actually a baker. That's absolutely hilarious to me.
There weren't many mistakes besides not putting commas where they were needed. Great job!
P.S. Give the Baker family my condolences.
Commented on: June 22, 2015
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I think this story has a very interesting concept, and I can also see it has plenty of potential. I'm looking forward to seeing future chapters.
There were a few mistakes that I am going to point out to try to help you improve. I saw a couple of misspelled words, and you didn't capitalize the word "I" in the middle of sentences.
Also, I think explaining the hostility between Trey and his family was a bit too much of an info dump in the middle of the chapter. If you ever go back and edit the story, I think it would be better if it was shown through their actions and conversations more—you know, the old show-don't-tell rule. Perhaps you could show it in this first chapter and elaborate on it in future chapters.
Overall, though, I liked the chapter and am curious to see the rest of the story.
Commented on: June 14, 2015