Sparkatale

On first glance?

I was like "Holy crap! That's a gigantic paragraph!"

It was rather intimidating to read, but I got through it. I think you should definitely separate it into smaller paragraphs--a main idea or thought for each. The human eye just seems to read things better in chunks. 

The content itself was good. Though it was short, it said a lot. I liked the way you finished especially; definitely suspenseful. If you expanded it, this plot would make a fantastic novel. It's a very original idea--to write in the perspective of a non-human fighting and later, seeking revenge. I love it!

Wow, you are depressing aren't you. I think you write well but your subject matter is not my cup of tea.

To improve your writing you should cut this down in smaller paragraphs so it is easier to process.

Also a lot of your words are vague; you should add more specific details and colors, smells, noises to really bring this to life.