Dances with Unicorns, a Fantasy story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Dances with Unicorns

By: Lissy Popolow

Status: In Progress

Summary:

In the world of Zaire, humans are struggling to survive as a zombie plague sweeps across the land. Unicorns have become an extremely endangered species because of people called "horn hunters". It's said that the magic in a unicorn's horn can heal an infected person from being a zombie or becoming a zombie- but at the price of the mystical creature's life...

Created: September 18, 2013 | Updated: September 18, 2013

Genre : Fantasy

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 8

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    Comments / Critiques


    • Reply

      This is very, very original and very, very well written. I think you have done a wonderful job of combining two very different story types an actually making it work. Wonderful job and I hope that you continue to post.

      September 19, 2013 | D.M. Gergen


    • Reply

      Thank you!

      September 19, 2013 | Lissy Popolow


    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      Good chapter, but the paragraph talking about why someone would want a horn got a little choppy. Otherwise I don't have much to critique. Nice work.

      September 19, 2013 | D.M. Gergen


    • Reply

      Thanks so much! I'll try and fix that choppy part up. ^^

      September 19, 2013 | Lissy Popolow


    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      Alright, so, to start off, that first paragraph was beautiful. Actually, the entire chapter was beautiful in it's own right- the sense of writing style here is descriptive, poetic and elegant, but the first paragraph was a flippin' amazing start to a story. Zombie stories are starting to get really overused these days, but this one has a twist that I'm confident with saying has never been used before. (Also, the description of the zombie was excellent.) The world seems fairly well-built with the lack of the typical "zombie story with an effort to make original" kind of vibe. We've seen it all done on the Walking Dead- except for unicorns and humans who hunt them. That's different, so five points for originality. I couldn't find any errors here and the flow was nice and smooth. The ending sentence was almost as strong as the starting one. You're an amazing writer- keep it up.

      September 21, 2013 | A . Nonymous


    • Reply

      aw! Thank you so much!!

      September 21, 2013 | Lissy Popolow


    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      Really, really good. The opening grabbed my attention and your descriptions are vivid. One teensy little problem I found was that when you say what happening to unicorns and their horns and about the disease it a little like an info dump. Not always bad and sometimes necessary, but I think it might make things more interesting if you only reveal little bits at a time about why the unicorn is being hunted. Then again, it's your story and I have absolutely no idea what you've got planned for the future, so maybe this was necessary. Don't let this tiny critique make you think I didn't like. I loved it. Overall, a very engaging and interesting first chapter. :)

      September 21, 2013 | DayDreamer Extraordinaire


    • Reply

      Thank you! :)

      September 21, 2013 | Lissy Popolow