Sparkatale

This is one of those stories that you could read over and over without getting tired of it. Though we can already see a plot and conflict, this chapter had a light, carefree atmosphere and was overall very easy to read, and your style compliments the plot perfectly. We already have a sense of the characters' personalities and of the world they live in, and it was mostly introduced indirectly through dialogue so it didn't feel like we're being loaded with a ton of information. The author's notes and subtitles also went well with the story in giving it a more informal feeling.

Before I begin with the more negative points, I would like to apologize if I seem harsh, or unintentionally insult your intelligence in correcting typos. It would be very hypocritical of me to judge you for making mistakes xD Feel free to take anything you don't agree with, with a grain of salt.

The first point is from the description: [The fun days at his mansion are also joined by the daughter of Lucifer, her maid, a lusty succubus, and a cat-girl from Japan.] - It looks like "her maid" and "a lusty succubus" are two different people, so it should say "the daughter of Lucifer; her maid, a lusty succubus; and a cat-girl from Japan."

[I've know her for many years, ever since our childhood where I mistook her for a human before I learned of her heritage.] - "...,when I mistook her for a human before learning of her heritage."

[reminding me that breakfast was ready at the usual time of 9:00 AM.] - "would be ready"

[I mean what was father thinking?] - "I mean, what was Father thinking?"

[I was jealous of his freedom and care-free life.] - This was implied by the dialogue, so you might want to delete it or say something we don't already know.

[I make it a point] [this morning isn't any different]/[today is no different] - repetition is the only problem here

[He waves it off, focusing on his relaxation at the moment.] - This sentence seemed awkward to me, and it should be "waved."

[“This is where we must part. Good luck on your research today Shion..] [“No, it's not that Master..."] [“Yes Master.”] - To avoid confusion, you could put commas before names and titles ("today, Shion") (that, Master) (Yes, Master).

I don't know if the way you write quotes is a difference in style, but I was always taught to count dialogue tags as in the same sentence as the dialogue. For example, [“Master, it is time for you to wake up! There is so much to do today, you must not forget your duties to Miss Lucia now.” A maid tells me.] should look like "...now," a maid tells me."

In case you didn't know, you can find these quotes by pressing the "Ctrl" and "F" keys at the same time.

One thing that isn't really a fault for this chapter but a comment nonetheless, is that Starr seems like one of those "perfect" characters with little to no faults or room for personal improvement. It may be a stylistic choice or perhaps he does faults and we simply have yet to see them, but I thought I'd mention it.

However I will also include your portrayal of Dr. Animus as a positive point, since you did a good job of naturally showing what kind of person he is. Since "a white dress shirt, a light blue tie, gray dress pants, and my personal suit jacket with the House Animus emblem sewn onto the upper sleeves" is just his informal, everyday clothes, he comes off as someone who is very professional and serious about his work. We also know that he has manners, based on how he ate, and likes all his servants equally. He seems humble too, given he said that he doesn't like making big entrances. If he does have faults it will be interesting to see what they are, which adds to the aspect of mystery.

I wonder where Starr's family is. He mentioned his dad once, but the servants are all practically worshipping him as their master, so his father must not be around, either he's dead or it's Starr's mansion. It also brings up the question of how old Starr is.

Something else that keeps us readers interested (unless I'm just clueless) is whether Starr is the one who raped Tienge and Shion and turned them into cat girls, since the description says that they were created through his life's work. But Tienge implied that they didn't know who did it...

Each of the characters has their own personality: Dante seems a bit cheeky and at times immature, but gets the job done when needed. Tienge talks before she thinks, and it's as if her ears and tail made her more animalistic. But Shion is more like Starr, except that she looks a bit cynical from how she scolds Tienge. It'll be interesting to read about the others and see how they interact with each other. Also, what kind of babies Starr and Lucia would make together ;)

That's all I have to say for this comment. Let me know if you have any questions, or if I can clarify anything. 

Thank you for your praise and your criticism. I appreciate your thoughts on the story's first chapter and the surprising amount of information you were able to learn. Bringing the typos to my attention really help me out, so don't worry about putting it lightly.

You are correct in assuming that Starr feels like a perfect character, but this only serves to hide a growing evil in him that is referenced in later chapters. He also has reasons of his own to be the so-called 'best master' of House Animus, so that will most likely be another defining feature to him. Starr's age is revealed in Chapter 5, but it doesn't exactly have an effect on the story; though if you still wish to know, Starr is 23 years old.

I noticed your speculation on Starr's family and I can understand why there is a desire to know. However, this is just another part of the mystery that is Starr Animus and his parents will be mentioned more from chapter 5 onwards. Please pay attention to Dante especially, since there is a unique reason he is allowed to be so informal towards Starr. Starr's parents made him who is now, so keep that in mind.

On the subject of Tienge and Shion, when I first posted this story here, it actually started with an M-rated prologue that I mentioned in the author's notes in chapter 1. The prologue is available upon request, but it is not quite necessary for the story; it only provides insight to Starr's character. Another noteworthy fact is that Starr and Lucia are the only ones involved in that experiment, so it also brings their relationship into question.

I'm glad that you enjoyed the characters in the story so far; there can only be more to add from here. You were correct in all of your assumptions, which is exactly the result I hoped for. The other characters in the story are just as memorable, so I await your observations on them as well. Be aware that Lucia is not the only woman who may/may not hold affection for Starr, since her true feelings are not yet revealed.

If you would like to know anything else about the universe or some of the characters, please send me a message and I would be happy to answer them.

"Please don't wait that long unless you're a masochist." -quote of the year

That prologue intrigues me greatly, and I would like to read it if you still have it on you. Starr certainly has complicated relationships with these girls. In the last chapter we learned that he has feelings for Lucia, but here he said things like "Did you even try to stop her, May?" and he always tells Lucia that he won't go with her to the services. It makes me wonder how Animus feels about demons. The way he's having Shion study demons makes me think that he doesn't understand them that well, so he probably finds it hard to see them as equal to humans. That may be why all his servants are humans. You said that he has this secret evilness inside him; my guess is that he's going to do something bad to the demons. Though is Shion a demon, because of that experiment? Is that why Starr doesn't love her?

[“How many times have I reminded you that it is not necessary to call me by my title? Just calling me by my name is acceptable.”] It looks like Starr was the one saying this. To avoid confusion, I would make Lucia perform some action before saying this.

I feel as though Starr's agreement to go to the function was rather quick. You could use that part of the chapter to give some more detail as to why Starr doesn't like going to functions with her, and maybe give some more insight to their relationship. (I didn't really learn anything new from their interactions, unless I missed something.) 

[...see you again, Starr...I would love to share a dance with you, Dr. Animus...] Personally, it seemed awkward that she talked to Starr informally but then used a more formal title.

[“Do you want...more education?”] [“Y-Yes...”] This wish of Shion's was quickly ignored; It could have been taken out and have made no difference. Unless, of course, Starr was so happy with her wish and that's why he kissed her.

As for interest, this chapter gets a ten out of ten. Things sure did escalate quickly! I certainly didn't expect Shion to be in love with Starr, though it does explain why she's been so obedient this far. The fight between her and May was amusing as well. The diversity of your characters carried on from the previous chapter, and the fact that May actually got into a fight with Shion just because she's a wolf-girl shows that anything could happen, though not without reason.

I'm excited to see what this function is all about. I wonder why Lucia is going there, and why she wants an escort. It will probably bring out some more of their personalities, as it already has: we now that Starr likes to be with others. 

I really like your detail in this chapter, from May's ears drooping to their kiss at the end (of which I applaud you for making it not cliché) it was very easy to form a mental image of what was going on. The way they talk is another thing I like about this story. I can't explain it, but I'd imagine them talking in an accent or in a very formal voice. It adds to the overall originality. What they say, like Shion wanting Starr to decide what they did next, also makes their dialogue quite fun to read.

That's all I can think of to say for this chapter. If there's something I've forgotten or you have any questions let me know so I can give you a full review. But before I finish, would it be easier if I organized my comments like yours, with First Impressions, Characters, Setting, Faults, and Final Remarks? 

Thank you once again for taking the time to review The House of Animus chapter 2. I have the prologue stored safely and I would be more than willing to let you see it. I must warn you before you read it: the prologue takes place one year before the main storyline, when Starr's true colors are shown and before the demons of Hell renounced their evil ways. I would most likely send it to you by e-mail, but I can also send the text in a message; it's your choice.

Addressing your speculation on Starr's relationships, he does hold some affection for Lucia, but in his mind it feels unrequited. The chapter 11 resolves the tension between both Starr and Lucia, as well as provide the true conflict of this story.

Regarding Shion, she is not at all a demon; simply a wolf-girl 'created' by Starr in the prologue. She does not only study demons, but all kinds of knowledge. She is the librarian of House Animus, so it's only fitting that she is a knowledge-seeker. Starr is able to fall in love with her, but his conscience prevents this because of what he did in the prologue. The reason I took down the prologueis because it would have added some adult themes to this otherwise teen-friendly story.

I cannot stress enough my appreciation for your suggestions in tidying up this story. I means a great deal to me that there is a new perspective in reading it. I hope you find the later chapters to your liking as well.