Sparkatale

Hello, I'm not particularly good at reviewing but since I read your story (at least this part) I thought it only polite to write my thoughts about it. So here goes:

The very fact that I read through to the end of the chapter is indication enough to me that your story shows promise; I'm not saying I'm a super-picky reader, but dull plots and uninteresting storylines don't get my attention, and I'm glad that you have neither ;)

That being said, however, I'm afraid the story tends to drag out, sometimes with unnecessary detail and other times with redundant detail (the constant reference to the MC's "cold eyes/stare/glare do get a bit tiring after awhile). The first part of the prologue starts off with a lot of information, for instance. People these days generally favor chapters that start with some sort of action sequence, but being bogged down with history or current event details right off tends to make the reader lose interest. Perhaps you can spread all the details out as situations involving them arise?

The issue with Antonious' plans for Marco is a bit confusing. In early paragraphs Antonious inwardly says that neither his son nor his wife has any idea Antonious has a plan for Marco, but this is later contradicted when Marco mentions Antonious is always alluding to a "secret mission" Marco should be focusing on. (that part is also confusing; how is Marco to focus on something he has no information on? If Antonious hasn't told his son about it why mention "the mission" at all?)

I noticed that you describe Andres AFTER Antonious dismisses him. Once a character leaves the scene it really isn't traditional to continue writing about him, because a character that is out of sight isn't supposed to be focused on any longer, at least not directly after he leaves. I recommend switching the paragraphs to have Andres' description and THEN dismiss him.

The dream sequence is interesting, but Marco's realization that he is supposed to be Kazan seems pretty abrupt and out of the blue, since there is no indication to the reader that Marco should be anyone but himself. Maybe when Tameel speaks to him you can have him call him the name Kazan? Or perhaps have Marco look down at his own arms and legs to notice the difference in body and dress style? I feel incorporating these elements will make the transition of the idea of a switched identify smoother and more natural, since there are clues left around.

The only other thing I have to suggest is to focus a little more on imagery and visual appeal. Most of the time you restrict the use of descriptive imagery to characters (although the beginning was decent enough) and leave little else for us to immerse ourselves in to the story with. When I read your story I can "see" the main two characters, Antonious and Marco, but almost nothing else, which is a shame because I think a little rich detail to the setting here and there can really add to your story.

That's all I have to say. Sorry if it's too long, just remember these are only my thoughts and suggestions. If you are comfortable with how your story is that's the most important thing. :)

I really appreciate you telling me your thoughts about Saint Calum, I knew that there are some things that need an edit, though I didn't know what exactly I could change. Thank you so much for your comment, I'll make sure to work on the points you named but I am happy that Saint Calum captured your attention. Anyways, thank you so much, I really appreciate it :)