Sparkatale

Popped up on random story and frankly I couldn't resist. It's 3:30 am and I'm procrastinating but who cares, you can't turn down an invitation to read a story about chickens with lasers.

Not much to really complain about. I'm never super picky with grammar and spelling when it's a humor story even though I should be, but it's a good start. Felt a little random with all the yelling and such, it felt slightly out of place to me but I'm not entirely processing everything right!

I'm going to keep reading!

This is probably the best entertainment for sleep deprived minds. The scene with the grandmother was um, well, interesting, and I'd be cautious of my grandmother as well if she said things like that.

However, as I do usually try to provide constructive criticism in my reviews, I would suggest a fair amount of editing. Storyline and content are fine (no lack in humor) but there's lots of choppy sentences and paragraphs\lines that read funny. Scenes seem to jump around a lot, too, I'd recommend some bridging! I'm not going to be overly picky unless you'd like me to.

The action in this was quite chaotic, but nice, in a way.. It's not random and devoid of humor like a few other stories I've read so far in the 'humor' category, so kudos to you there.

And come on, laser chickens.

that guy got a good reason to be afraid of his boss o.o

this is awesome! action, humor, sadistic army guy... it has all the parts of an entertaining story XD