Sparkatale

Abraham and Katherine's relationship developes rather quickly because he isn't Scogrian. He doesn't have any preconcieved ideas about who she is or how she should be. He is also is incredibly intelligent, and becomes a valuable ally for the most of Katherine's companion. He is super important to helping Katherine understand different perpectives about the world, about Human, and other races. He also makes her feel at home in a sense. It also gives us a chance to glimpse what Katherine is like when she isn't dubious of the people around her. This will happen when she meets Matthias again too (I'm still working on the details of that).

Tevlan is one of my favorite characters. I initially made him as a throw away character of sorts. Like cool he's a member of the party and is super strong. It also would have allowed them to meet more Louvandre. However, the more time that I spent making him, the more I fell in love with him. His design and backstory, that I can't talk about because it is referenced later, even the way that his character archs. By chapter 21 he's become an important part of the story, and has grown a lot even then.

 I will definitely work on those edits that you mention.

I tried to make the Human Nations very different. Then only true commonality between them is their race and relgion (mostly). They are very different countries and they interact with the world differently. I had to think really hard about the cultures I wanted in them, and how I would go about showing that. I am still ironing the details out, but I've got the main focus for all of the nations in mind. I also had to make a lot of maps, like so many maps.

You know, you're right. I didn't outright say that this is occuring over an extended period of time. That was my intention. I'll get to work on fixing it as quickly as I can. My readers won't know that this is taking palce over a period of weeks unless I specify that for them.

I am glad that it does a lot in the way of world building. It also begins things for Katherine in the realm of politics. Abraham becomes an important and valuable advisor for Katherine.

I know that this chapter doens't have a lot going on but world building. It is incredibly important, and a turning point for Scogrys that wouldn't have occured if Katherine hadn't been summoned. It ties into the theme of Katherine struggling with the duties of being a hero. Which occurs regularly through the story.

Thank you so much for the feedback. There definitely some parts that didn't land very well. I'll try to fix that. 

Also this is a reocurring theme. As you progress through the story you start to learn about the other Human Nations and their cultures. Some of these culture have some very dark sides to them. Slavery, indentured servitude, etc. Some of this gets addressed in the next chapter but there are huge differences in even how the nobles of Scogrys treat each other.

Lord Morvolo could be reocurring or at least a minion to another villian. I'm not so sure how this will play out. However, this chapter is a sort of turning point for Katherine. She makes a lot of friends, and a lot of enemies. I'm still ironing out some things for later chapters, I try to keep them as fluid as possible so I can edit freely. There might be certain events that are set in stone, but how they happen and who takes part in them could change. There have been times I reworked whole chapters because I realized that it would be better for a certain character to be involved, or because it didn't flow very well. I'm huge on character not being one time characters, they'll at least be mentioned again even if Katherine and her companions don't actually interact with them.

I tried to leave a comment yesterday, but I guess it didn't go through.

For my characters I try to do a fully fleshed out profile if I can. I do keep them flexible so I can go in and add or remove things if I need to. I do that with all character even the minor ones.

You are absolutely right about the Matthias plot. Though unintentional it did sort of get dropped. It certainly wasn't on purpose and I am trying to work on his journey since coming to Zazzora at the moment. He does get mentioned a bit more frequently later, and while Katherine doesn't appear to be openly searching for him she is trying to find him. I don't want to say to much, but there is a character who becomes really important later who has an information network that is trying to help her find him. I do need to mention him more than I do, or at least mention how worried Katherine is about him.

I would like my story to be part of a trilogy or series too. I mean I'm 21 chapters in and while the plot is going forward it is going very slowly. Also the Old Gods are powerful and there are four in particular that Katherine would need to defeat. 

There are also several character driven story archs that I believe are important, and I want to finish. There are also characters that getintroduced later in on that I kind of fall in love with, and weren't originally meant to major parts or the story.

I really apreaciate all of your feed back. I meant to say this the last time that you commented, every bit of feedback makes not just my story better but it helps me learn to write better. I apreciate all of your help. Honestly I have thought that this chapter was missing something for a long time, I just couldn't put my finger on it. I thought that the fight scene was okay, but honestly I always thought there could have been more. I just didn't want to go to overboard with Katherine's first fight scene.

I haven't had any pay off for that Karl's story arch yet, but it is a possible plot point that could come into play. There are lots of those as time goes on. Plot points that take a while to pay off, or even pay off in unexpected ways.

Honestly, right now I'm brain storming what should be going on in Chapter 22 and one of the plot points I'm considering tying up is Karl's. If it works out she might not have to hide being a woman. Katherine gets a lot more politcal pull in later chapters. I was planning on Karl having a female love interest too.

Sorry for the second comment, but I felt that it was important to mention. I really appreciate your comments. I apreciate any and all feedback. I want this story to be the best that it can be. That will only happen with honest critiques. Thank you for your help.

Honestly, Lady Exeter does become a close friend of Katherine. The whole chapter is about clothes and centers around that. However, for Katherine its about being comfortable. This chapter while might not seem important immediately, and it is certainly very short. It follows this theme of Katherine trying to feel comfortable, this theme resurfaces in many ways. She's supposed to be this Hero, but she keep encountering all of these obstacles and she's alone in a world that she is incredibly differnent from what she knows. This does progress further in later chapters, but I don't want to spoil anything.

Thank you so much for the feeback. I do tend to avoid painting through pictures of conversations that the characters are having sometimes its deliberate. This does get better as the story progresses, but I could definitely be more detailed especially since this chapter is all about the conversation. There will be a lot of clashes between cultures as the story goes on as well, it continues to be a theme as Katherine tries to find her place in Zazzora.

Yeah, I'm not sure what happened there. When I checked on the chapters after making some edits they were all out of sorts. It must have been super confusing. I'm terribly sorry for the inconvience, but it should be fixed now.

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! I've been worried because my analytics show that most people drop off here so I thought that perhaps there was something wrong with it.

I wanted Katherine to be a strong heroine. She capable of being kind and gentle, but she also strong and dependable. She's willing to stand up against things that are wrong even if it makes her look bad. Her original design was much more of a Mary Sue, and I just couldn't get behind her. So I started over to make her more interesting to read, and so that she interacted with the wold on a different level.

Wow, thank you so much! I really apreciate any and all feed back. I have a tendency of using the same word over and over even in the same paragraph. It's like I forget how to use a Thesaurus. Thank you so much, I really apreciate it. Every now and then I go through all of my chapters to edit them from the very begining. I try to do it strategically, but that doesn't always work. Everytime I go through the chapters even if I've gone through them several times I feel like I miss something. I'm going to brain storm new ideas for editing to try and catch the things that slip through the cracks. When it comes to finding stories and reading them I'm the same. Sometimes I keep up with them really well and other's I don't so I totally get it.

Chapter 1:

I only had the time to read Chater 1, but I wanted to let you know that your story has some real potential. I did see some common spelling errors, and small things that can be fixed. I did like how you let the diologue give you most of the description. However, their could be much more detail. Like explaining how the forest looks, and how they're feeling. It could something simple like being hungry, and craving eggs. Like I said I really think your story has a lot of potential, and I plan on reading it more. Keep up the good work.

Wow, I just wanted to let you know that this was beautifully written. It reminds of of old fashioned fair tales like the original sleeping beauty (Briar Rose). I'm excited to see where this goes.

Thank you so much. You are absolutely right. I'm going to be revising my chapters and changing things up for the better soon.

I'm glad to hear that. Please let me know if you notice any mistakes or think any improvement can be made. Thank you so much, and stay awesome!

Thank you so much. I really appreciate hearing that. I have up to chapter 12 written, and I will get all of the chapter up as soon as possible. Stay awesome!