Sparkatale

I very much love the way you describe things and the setting so realistically that the path of your character becomes believable. I have to admit I got wrapped up in the story. Looking forward to see what happens next!!

awwwww, thanks so much!! i'm so happy you like it!! :)

thanks a lot, i'm glad you're enjoying this :D

Let me see if I can put it into words. It's a little hard to explain, since it's more a matter of feeling it rather than teaching it.

However, I think it's more tied to expressing feelings in the little things instead of the dialogs. For instance, instead of or besides saying ' I love you', you can try enhancing more the look in one's eyes, or the blushing of cheeks, or the little touches of the hands and the reactions they awaken in the other person. It's the little things that paint a picture. And when it comes to emotions, painting a complex picture is what makes your characters believable.

Hope this helps! As far as I read, the story has quite captivated me and I reaaaally dig the idea of parallel universe. Rock on, pal!

I very much love the fact that you've approached the matter of loss and grief and depression. To write a story dealing with mental health issues was very brave of you and I think a lot of people will take to it because of that because it's relatable. And I gotta say, you've set quite the plot for a first chapter and I'm eager to find out what happens next. It's all very touching, and if I had to give you one piece of advice, I'd say you might wanna paint emotions a little sharper around the edges so that the scene becomes believable. You're doing a great job! Fingers crossed for that competition you want to enter! I'm moving forward to the next chapter.

Thank you so much for the awesome reviews and all that positive feedback! I'm so happy you liked it!!