Sparkatale

Thnx, I work on wide descriptions, I rewrite this txt but I must write in russian at first but I'll have in mind your advises. I don't know why this txt shows as "in progress" I put a mark... it's so strange.

I like it but I found some terrible things or I see it that 'cause i think in Russian I think on my native language standarts... In the 1st chapter you use many "my" to items when you may write the article "the" instead of. I think it will be read more pro'. Another thing is a rainbow of colors, it's not necessary to write all colors, Rye seeing, it will better if you point to that colors which "hurt" Rye such as whites wall do her feel the nausea. I got it in mind, but I don't need to see pink dress Nanni, Some especialities of her voice was enough for me to imagine her as 3D-character. Next thing I dislike is a slow-going story. There are many thought and reactions but a little actions in first chapter more than others. Lit.agent Evan Marshall advise write reaction scenes after action scenes. And as I think this is special school for "gifted" children like in estate prison in "Alphas" series or another series with a same thing about "gifted" children. It's not bad but it's secondary; and you must try much better to avoid stamps. Good luck and go on.