Sparkatale

No worries. Thanks for the feedback. I take all feedback under consideration during the revision stage. You're the first person to point out the 'fluff' in chapter 2 and to recognize Mathias' parenting methods. i'm pleased.

Thank you :P Your non-sugarcoating review is the sort of review that makes me think and the sort of feedback (as a writer) that I respond to best for growth. But fan-girl stuff is cool too :P This is the first time I've had someone tell me they liked how William is portrayed.  Negative or positive, it looks like I'm hitting the notes. :)

With regards to the Sci-fy vibe in the first chapter. It was already a major info dump (in my opinion) which focused on the old world themes that carry over with Astral. I felt that the info included in the first chapter was a lot to take in, and I didn't want to risk overloading the readers with tech at this point. William was a nice jumping off point to introduce the tech elements...when you reach Seth you'll see how his world is almost all tech with no magic.  The characters are sort of like a pendulum in their worlds.

"numbers" I think the only time I don't spell out words is for weight and time. Roman numerals are used to reference squads, which is how the military refers to them. I'm going to have to check where else i used all caps... thanks for pointing it out.

Your review of the chapter is very insightful, and it shows promise that other readers will be able to pick up on the subtlies you have. To address a few issues (not defensive like more like FYI like)

"First part of the chapter reads like a prologue" there's a funny story there. When I was creating sample pieces for my beta's Astral tested poorly, which is a shame because she was planned to be the central lead for the series. My options were change the character entirely or just stick to my guns. As luck would have it, a writer friend passed over a video discussing the difference between a likable character and a sympathetic character. Showing Astral in a period of complete helplessness does just that. I found that after I included the prologue-esque segment (prologue is exactly what it is - but since as a reader I skip prologues I just included it in the first chapter), Astral has been widely accepted. It's a funny thing how one little detail can change the way someone sees a character.

"Info dump lag in the middle of the chapter" - yup, I thought so too.

"embedded philosophies" I'm glad that you picked up on that. I wanted the world to be made up of more than just people in neatly categorized boxes - an issue I see with a lot of fantasy writers.

"Astral seems very precocious" Yes, yes she is. She's had to deal with so much that a normal child would never had to deal with. You've noticed that comparison with William who had a normal uneventful life.

LOL!

I don't blame you for pointing out errors like that. I mean, you have no idea what my work process is like, and for the most part, people just put up whatever they just finished writing. 

My first draft is soooooo not good for public consumption. I'd be amazed if anyone could tell where I was going with anything. I started posting publicly mostly to ensure that i made continuous progress. It holds me accountable and I'm less likely to find an excuse to through the project on the back burner.

Thanks again for your wonderful feedback.

Wow, this has got to be the longest comment I've ever gotten for the first chapter. :P I appreciate your feedback.

FYI - I have editors lined up for sentence structure, tense, and spelling issues once the book is complete. What you are reading now is the 3rd pass going into the beta stage of the production process. I have used spell check and grammar - but they aren't exactly foolproof.
Basically, at this point, it's about getting feedback about readers feelings about different things they pick up on. I'm hoping to be done the 3rd draft by June and have everything off to the editors soon there after - but we'll see. So pointing out spelling, grammar and so on, is unnecessary, specifically because i'm tired of going over it.  ;)  I'll just save that for after my editors and proofreaders :P 

Astral was a brain child of mine since 1998 ish, and has gone through many incarnations. I like this one the best. 

As for lore - i love how mythology seems to have a grain of truth in it. I like to find ways to make it make sense in the real world. Our world is so rich with these stories, it'd be a shame to not put them to use.

RE: "I'm curious as to the effect devouring a demon might have on her; I wonder if it will make her stigma worse, and what other affect it might have on her body, as a whole?"

All valid things to be curious about and I look forward to noting your discovery of those answers.