Nate Smith | SparkaTale

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  • Joined 07/18/14
  • Last login 07/18/14
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  • Books Authored 1
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Snowflake
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  • Pandora

    - your English is a little iffy at times and sometimes you're missing punctuations.

    -you frequently switch from present (i think) tense to past tense.  I recommend writing with one form of tense.

    -I recommend separating the wall of text at the end into several smaller paragraphs, that way it'll be easier to read.

     

    but overall you have a good set up.  I think its cool how the main character has chronic comas that only his grandpa can snap him out of.

    Commented on: July 21, 2014