Sparkatale

-Chapter One - Baby Blue - 

I can't remember what it was, 
but I remember what it caused;
nights and days
sunrises and sunsets
when the colors mixed together
and made something pretty. 

You were very pretty. 

Can we still smile at a sunrise,
at the orange and red mixed with blue,
and the smog of a polluted city?

There's a lot I need to unpack,
and a lot I need to put in a box,
to leave it float across the water.

A baby-blue stream and a baby-blue sky.  
 

 

-Chapter Two - Love-

Cobbled streets and sore feet,
jumping over puddles and expectations,
the warmest shade of red against your cheeks,
with the brightest shade of blue over our heads.

It was never going to stay like this,
it always changes,
always fades,
but morphs into something else.

I can't explain it.

Memories like these are all I have,
but they're all I want.
More of this and more of you,
and more of us.

Cobbled streets and sore feet,
tired from chasing after you.
the darkest shade of royal-blue,
the end of that memory.

It's not always going to stay like this,
it always changes,
always fades
and morphs into something else.

I can't explain it.

But I'll keep looking for it.
 

-Chapter Three - Cotton -

I remember walking across a beach,
your family alongside us,
they were on their own little journey,
and left us to our devices.

I actually crossed that beach before,
another memory and another opportunity,
We were having our own little conversation,
left alone to our devices.

That cotton sweater looked good on you,
though it fit better on me,
but with the chill in the air it never looked better,
The both of us and our devices.

If I ever walk across that beach again,
I'll remember your family alongside us,
they were on their own little journey,
I hope they're doing good right now.

I'll buy another cotton sweater.
It looked good on you,
though it fit better on me,
and maybe I'll hold onto this one.
 

-Chapter Four - Memory-
My family took me on a trip one day,
to the city where I now live,
but the streets were foreign and exciting to me,
the buildings much taller than they are right now.

In that single memory,
I had no fears or worries,
no taxes to pay or problems beyond a textbook,
but none of that mattered.

The cinema has long since vanished,
but in the memory it stands still,
the movie already forgotten,
but I remembered that the movie wasn't what I was interested in.

In that memory I was happy,
well and truly happy,
and as I plan on travelling tomorrow,
I plan on making more memories like these.
 

-Chapter Five - The Capital City-

That train was the first of a few,
sitting on the ground and not caring one bit. 

You said that you'd be waiting,
and you were right, you stood right there. 

We traveled the length and breath of the city, 
cafes and coffee and stores. 

It may not have meant much to you,
but it meant the world to me. 

You've been gone for quite a while now,
so I traveled back to the city we walked through. 

Visiting the same places could never mean as much,
but there's still echoes of those memories in every cup of coffee.

I hope you're doing good, 
if anyone deserves to be, it's you. 

Thank you for those memories.
 

-Chapter Six - Accent- 

In the middle of the noise, 
of the people whose voices are louder than mine,
with their problems and their solutions,
mixed with their coffee,

I've never felt more at home. 

This place hasn't changed, 
and neither has my feelings towards it. 
I still feel like a weight has lifted off of my shoulders, 
that I can finally breathe after an eternity of holding it in. 

Feels like home. 

I can only be here for a little while, 
but a little while is more than enough. 
I promise to visit a little more regularly,
a little trip here and there, 

A little piece of home. 
 

-Chapter Seven - Rose Quartz -

The softest shade of pink,
the softest shade of a girl,
who believed in dreams and alternate realities,
realities grander than our own.

She gave herself in everything she did,
from her work and those dreams of hers,
to the words she spoke
to help her friends.

Sometimes the shade of pink faded,
and those friends arrived to return the favor,
yellow and blue and hints of amber,
a colorful palette.

The softest shade of pink,
the softest shade of a happy girl,
who believed in dreams and like-minded people,
and a reality grander than our own.
 

-Chapter Eight - Him- 

When he smiled, his face made sense.
 

-Chapter Nine - Asterism- 

Sometimes you have to look up at the sky,
to stare at the stars,
to remind yourself that you're on a planet,
that revolves around one such star,
and that there's more to life than taxes and politics. 
 

-Chapter Ten - Just for One Day- 

It can seem like a dark and terrifying world sometimes,
and in a lot of cases, it is,
but there is hope out there.

It changes from day to day,
sometimes you'll need to look for it,
and other times it will greet you when you open the curtains in the morning.

All I'm saying,
-and I really should follow my own advice
is to look for it,
and if you can't find it,
become the hope that others are looking to find.

Even if it's just for one day.

 

-Chapter Eleven - Colors-

Before the night can begin, the day must end,

and before the darkness arrives, the sun must set,

but before it does, it coats the sky in amber and orange,

drapes the clouds in the brightest hues and paints the sky in a summer dress.

 

So before our night arrives, and before we set,

cast yourselves in the brightest hues, and wear that summer dress,

before the night begins, before our day ends,

because we’re here for that one bright day, and we deserve to be happy.

 

-Chapter Twelve -  Aurora Borealis-

The night is dark,
and with nowhere to go, I lose my footing. 

I stumble and fall,
my knees cut and my hands bruised. 

The air is cold,
it bites at my feet and numbs my fingers.
 
Hope is a finite thing, 
and I'm about to lose what's left of mine. 

That's when the colors began to arrive. 

It starts as a flicker,
but soon grows into a display. 

Whisps of cyan and green,
not enough to light the path, but bright enough for me to focus on something.

Sometimes, you just got to focus on something. 

I keep walking in the dark, 
still stumbling and still falling.

But if something as beautiful as this can exist. 
then I want to stay alive long enough to see it one more time.

 

-Chapter Thirteen - Architecture-

I sat in my office,
an office that you designed.
from the walls to the lights,
from the colors to the way they were used. 

You must be proud. 

As I sat in my office,
I wondered what my life would have been like,
if I finished the same profession as you,
and used the colors in a different way. 

Our paths crossed,
and they broke away just as quickly.
and now I'm at my office,
the office that you designed. 

I'm so proud. 

You made good on your promise,
you used the colors in the right way,
and before I leave this office,
I'll use them in my own way. 

I hope you'll be proud of me, too. 

 

-Chapter Fourteen - Echoes-

You were always going to be,
the most important of them all,
the most complicated subject matter,
the darkest of my daemons.

How I feel for you,
cannot be condensed into mere words.
words are made of letters and circumstances,
chains that should not hold you back.

You deserve more than you think you do,
even when they said otherwise,
even when I said otherwise,
the darkest of your daemons. 

You were always going to be,
the most complicated of them all,
the darkest subject matter,
but the happiest of endings. 

Sometimes, I hear the echoes of what was once said,
I'm sorry these words do not make sense,
but words are made of letters and circumstances,
and they never held you back. 

-Chapter Fifteen - Admittance- 

Somebody asked me once,
"How do you know that you've fallen in love,
when so many people thought that they have,
only for them to drift apart?"

I didn't have the answer,
so I told them not to worry too much,
that they'd find out for themselves, 
trials and errors and lessons learned. 

That same person fell in love,
only for them to drift apart.
Time and time and time again,
more trials and errors and lessons learned. 

As time went on, that same question bothered me.
"How do we know that we've fallen in love?"
I thought I'd find out for myself, 
trials and errors and lessons overlooked. 

Right now, I have a theory;
that love starts with a bang, 
but the nuclear fission is a finite source,
and that feeling starts to fade. 

But in its place is... something else,
something that lasts throughout the years,
something that extends beyond trials and errors,
and lessons learned.

For now, my answer stays the same,
try not to worry too much,
you'll find out for yourself, 
through trials and errors and lessons learned. 

 

-Chapter Sixteen-
-Sertraline-

Sometimes,
I feel like my feelings are mismatched.

Happy when I should be sad,
sad when I should be glad.

Sometimes,
I feel nothing at all,

waiting for a feeling that never arrives,
staying for a feeling that never leaves.

Sometimes,
I wish somebody would process these feelings for me,

Hand me some sertraline to pick me up,
hand me morphine to drop me off.

Sometimes,
I wish I had the right words to say.

Because you always rearrange my feelings,
my sertraline.

-Chapter Seventeen - Do We Have A Future?-

I sat in my usual seat,
my laptop on my usual table, 
processing the usual feelings. 

Sometimes, it's hope,
others, deep regrets,
for what could have been and what came to pass. 

I ate my usual food,
surrounded by the usual people,
processing my usual thoughts. 

It's the end of another year,
the end of another decade,
the end of what could have been and what came to pass. 

I typed the usual words,
created the usual response,
and you replied in the usual way. 

'Do we even have a future?' 

You sat in your usual seat,
your laptop on the usual table, 
processing the same feelings I had. 

I couldn't tell if you meant us,
or if you meant the human race,
but my answer was the same. 

I don't know. 

-Chapter Eighteen - Time-

I'm no longer afraid of growing old,
just growing old without a purpose.

 

-Chapter Nineteen - 37-

By the time I turn thirty-seven,
I'd like to think I'd have a house of my own,
converted into a home,
nestled deep inside a city. 

When I turn thirty-seven,
I'd like to think that I have a husband,
even if I don't like the idea of getting married, 
the right person could change my mind. 

Once I turn thirty-seven,
I'd like to think that I'd left my job,
touring the world as a writer,
using my words to promote my words. 

After I turned thirty-seven,
I'd like to think that I could lie in bed with my husband, 
in our house converted into a home,
nestled deep inside any city he fancied. 

By the time I turn thirty-eight,
I'd like to think I'd have everything I'd ever wanted. 
in my house converted into a home.
nestled in the middle of a Happy Ever After.

 

-Chapter Twenty - Ferris Wheel- 

It's cold now,
but it was cold on the day that I met you.
We spent that evening walking through the city,
under the cover of a semi-constructed ferris wheel.

The night was broken up by different lights,
with green and red and yellow and blue.
We stood underneath them,
and our shadow's hands touched.

It's around that time of year again,
that whenever I walk through the city,
it's as cold as the day I met you,
under the cover of a semi-constructed ferris wheel.

You're the same person you've always been,
the same humor,
the same jokes,
the same feelings.

The night is broken by those same lights,
with green and red and yellow and blue,
I stood underneath them,
and my shadow was alone.

I'm trying to be that same person again,
the same person as the day I met you,
the one who walked through the city,
under the cover of that ferris wheel.

-Chapter Twenty-One - Decades-

I feel like this is a suitable ending,
an end to a chapter in a book unwritten.
There's a lot to tie up,
and a lot to fix,
but I always found it boring,
leading a perfect life.

There's a brand-new decade ahead of us,
and it's time to leave a few people behind,
and get in touch with a few others,
because I know more about myself,
than I did ten years ago,
and I want to build a perfect life.

-Danny - Twenty-Seven - 2019