Chap. 1

“I dunno…it seems to me that we should just leave her.  She isn’t coming willingly.”

“David, we can’t leave her.  We don’t know what could happen to her if we do.”

“So, what, we just grab her and see how well that goes over?”

“If we have to.  Let me see if I can get her to come with us.  If not, I’ll let you grab her and we’ll deal with it, okay?”

“Whatever, Matthew.  But make it quick, Roland won’t appreciate it if we make him wait all day.”

My world is dark right now.  I have my eyes shut.  If I keep them shut, maybe they’ll go away.  I hear someone coming closer and flinch reflexively.  I can’t help it.  No one’s even touched me, but I flinch.

“We won’t hurt you.”  The voice is quiet.  I can almost feel a hand reaching towards me.  I curl myself up tighter.  I don’t want to be touched.  “Please come with us.  It isn’t safe here.  I promise no one will hurt you.”

The voice seems sincere.  But I’ve heard sincerity before.  I’ve learned not to trust anyone.

“Come on, Matt, this isn’t working.  She’s obviously got a serious case of Stockholm’s.  Either I grab her or we leave her.  I don’t care which anymore.”

“Shut up David.”  The voice is annoyed.  I curl tighter.  “Please come with us.  It really isn’t safe.”  I feel a hand touch my shoulder and bite back a gasp.  My shoulder has been sore for a few days now, but he has no way of knowing that.  I’m sure he can see the bruises on my arms and face even in the poor light, though.  His hand suddenly jerks back, as if I’ve burned him.  “I’m sorry,” the voice whispers.  “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

I carefully open one eye, the one that isn’t swollen.  No one has apologized to me before.  Who would bother now?  I see a couple of men, early twenties if I had to guess.  The one closest to me is blonde and kneeling down next to me.  His eyes are full of concern.  But I still don’t trust it.  Concern, like sincerity, can be faked.  The other one is standing, his body language betraying his annoyance.  His hair is dark and is in a ponytail that goes past his shoulders.  It’s a little dark in this forgotten corridor, most of the lights haven’t worked for as long as I can remember, and he’s too far away so I can’t discern much else. 

“Can you stand up?”  The blonde’s question pulls my attention back to him.  I don’t know.  I don’t know if I want to answer him.

“Matthew, come on!  We don’t have time for this.”  The dark-haired man is annoyed and impatient to leave.  I don’t know why they don’t just leave me behind.  Everyone else has.

The blonde looks me square in the eye and says, “I’m going to pick you up.  I will do my best not to hurt you, okay?”

No.  It’s not okay.  I don’t want to be touched.  But I cannot answer him.  I can’t tell him not to touch me.  I can’t tell him that I cannot stand up because of my leg.  I can’t tell him that I would rather the building collapse on me than have any chance that he will come back for me.  He is convinced that he owns me.  He told me that he will break me and I will be grateful for it someday.  He is an ass.  I hate him.  I will never let him break me, even though he almost did.

I flinch as the blonde reaches out and lifts me off the ground.  His touch is gentle, even though it still hurts me.  He doesn’t know how badly he beat me yesterday.  Or was it this morning?  I don’t know anymore.  I’ve lost track.  I repress another gasp of pain.  I cannot fight against his touch even though I want to.  I just don’t have the energy or the strength for it today.  I feel myself being raised up as I shut my eyes again.  I feel him moving through the building and can hear his companion grumbling ahead of us. 

My body is jarred as they run up the stairs and outside.  I am terrified.  I haven’t been outside for three years at least.  I suspect longer.  I was told by him that if I ever went outside without his permission, I would die.  He would make sure that I did, and I have no reason to doubt him, even if he is an ass.  In fact, the only time he told the truth was when he was threatening me. 

I open my eyes as we go outside.  It’s dusk, so at least the sun isn’t too bright, but the fear that somehow his threat will be made good takes over my senses.  As much as I want to die so he can’t get me anymore, I still don’t want to die at all.  I’m only 19.  At least I’m pretty sure I’m 19.  He took me hostage when I was 14 and if I haven’t gotten too far off on keeping track, I’ve been captive for five years.  I’ve seen others come and go as their families paid for their release from his clutches, but I still don’t really understand why he took me in the first place.  I mean, I know what he wanted from me, but I never cooperated with him.  I never tried to escape, either, partly because I have no idea where I am, mostly because he threatened to kill my family if I did. 

My family was never rich or powerful so there was no way they could pay for my release.  For all I know, they assume I am dead.

“ShÇŽo zhÇ”!”  The blonde’s voice rumbles in his chest as my head rests against it.  I just don’t have the energy right now to push away from him.  I’d end up on my butt on the ground if I tried and I’m sure that my fresh bruises would not appreciate that.  I close my eyes again.  My eyelids are heavy, but I am still very much awake.

I hear another person approach.  “Give her to me.  Roland wants to see you.”  This voice has a slight accent, but it’s not hard to understand.

“He can wait.  She can’t.”

“Matthew,” the new voice sounds tired. 

“ShÇŽo zhÇ”, you didn’t see her in there.  We almost didn’t get her to come out at all.”

“Actually, we didn’t anyway.”  I recognize the long haired man’s voice.  “Matthew had to grab her and haul her out.  She just didn’t fight him like we thought she would.”

“David.  Roland is waiting for you and Matthew to report.”  Another new voice.  This one soft. 

“Travis, make Matthew hand her over so he can go give his report,” the first new voice says peevishly.

There is a silence.  I can only assume that the second new voice is trying to assess the situation.  I am getting cold.  I am wearing only jeans and a t-shirt.  I have not been allowed socks or shoes since I wore out the pair I was wearing when he took me away.  I have never been allowed a coat.  It was a warm spring day when I was taken, so I was not wearing one.  It has been an exceptionally cool spring and the night is starting to get chilly.  I shiver.  I hate it because it allows the blonde to know that I am cold, but also because it jars my sore body.

“Matthew,” the second new voice says, “give her to me.  There’s a blanket in the tent and she’s freezing.”

I feel the hesitation, but the blonde hands me over.  The new arms are warm and I cannot resist attempting to absorb more of it.  I’m so cold.  I can feel myself being carried away.  I crack my eyes open ever so slightly and see a tent a short distance ahead.  It is a medium sized tent, probably designed to sleep three or four comfortably.  There is a sour looking Chinese man standing next to the flap.  He is scowling.  I am no longer sure if I am trembling because I am cold or because he is angry.  I do not want any more anger directed at me. 

The man sets me down and I feel my panic rise as I realize that I am now alone in a tent with two men.  Two men that I am completely powerless to fight off.  I look up as I feel a blanket being wrapped around me.  The man who carried me in doesn’t look particularly cruel, but it’s hard to tell as part of his face is hidden by long bangs.  His face is impassive, but his green eyes belie his calm exterior.  His eyes are angry.  I curl up under the blanket, afraid of the two angry men.  The blonde promised no one would hurt me, but he isn’t here.  It isn’t like I could trust him anyway.

“Did we catch him?” the first voice belongs to the Chinese man.

“Yeah.  I’m glad I got to plug him now that I can see some of his work.”

He is gone?  Are they sure?  Maybe it’s all a trick.  He is testing me, to see how I’ll react.  I can’t let him know how glad I would be if he really was gone.  I’ll get a special beating for it.  So I remain as neutral as I can, shutting my eyes and I focus on getting warm.  The blanket is welcome even though I am sure it will be ripped away as soon as he thinks my guard is down.

“She’s definitely the worst off of any I’ve seen, though.  I can’t believe the Interceptors didn’t pick up this case sooner.”

Interceptors?  They’re…they’re Interceptors?  I rack my memory.  I should know what they are.  That’s right…the Interceptors are a branch of the National Defense Agency.  I had to do a report on them in third grade.  They’re supposed to be the ‘good guys’ and…and…oh, I’m too tired to try and remember anymore.  If they’re really Interceptors, I should be able to trust them, but he had his hands in so many things…they might still be his.

“I know, ShÇŽo zhÇ”, but human trafficking is not as pressing as some of the other cases they’ve had lately.”

There is a grunt and then the sound of movement.  I am trying to remain as still as possible because I don’t want to draw their attention.  I feel a hand gently touch my shoulder and I flinch.  The hand is no longer touching me, but I remain tense.  If I’m going to get a beating, at least I’m in a good curled up position.  My back will bear the brunt of it.

“Matthew wasn’t kidding about her needing to be seen immediately,” the Chinese man says quietly.  “David said they had to grab her because she wouldn’t come willingly.”  I feel him lean over me and gently pull back the edge of the blanket.  “I’m not going to hurt you.  But I do need to see where you’re hurt.  We need to document your injuries and treat them.”

I stay curled up as tightly as I can, eyes shut. 

“ShÇŽo zhÇ”, maybe we should give her a bit of time.  Look at her, she’s terrified.  Maybe we can try again in an hour to let her adjust to this new situation?”

“Hmm.   You may be right, Travis.”  The blanket slides back over me, for which I am grateful.  Although, the meager heat I’d managed to get into the blanket was released when he moved it in the first place.  I’m tired and whatever they’ve put me on is soft and as I get warm, I feel myself relaxing.  I drift into oblivion, unsure if I should be allowing myself the luxury of sleep.

2: Chapter 2

Chap. 2

His voice comes to me in the darkness.  “You cannot escape me.  You are mine.  Remember that.  I will not let you go easily.”

I cannot see anything, but memories flood my mind. 

I was walking home from school.  The sun was warm and spring break was just around the corner.  My friends and I had plans to hang out at the pool and flirt with the new lifeguards.  A limousine pulled up next to me as I waited to cross the street.  It was not an uncommon sight in this part of California.  Many movie stars have second or third homes in the area.  The window rolled down.  Definitely an uncommon sight, and it piqued my interest.  Which movie star was in there?

“You have lovely eyes.”  It was the first time I heard his voice.  I didn’t know how to respond, so I just stood there.  “Come over here; let me get a better look.”

I approached the limo, unafraid.  I had never had any reason to be afraid.  I was not expecting the door to open.  He sat there, wearing an Armani suit, smiling.  He was not threatening in any way.  “I’m a casting director and you have such interesting eyes.  Would you be interested in doing any auditions?”

I nodded.  I had always loved being in the limelight.  I’m kind of an attention whore when I’m center stage and acting had always seemed to be the perfect career choice for me.  He smiled.  I have since learned not to trust that smile.  He grabbed my arm and pulled me inside the limousine, ordering the driver to move. 

I was terrified as we drove one hour, then two.  I could see trees, a forest, around us.  We were going to the middle of nowhere.  The entire time, he sat calmly and stared at me.  I was too afraid to scream or try to escape the vehicle.  Hindsight is 20/20 as they say and I should have at least tried to jump from the car when we stopped at a traffic light before leaving town.

When the car finally stopped, he grabbed me roughly by the arm and pulled me into a large house.  I wanted to ask what he wanted with me, but he shoved me against the wall just inside the door, his larger frame and firm grip preventing me from running.

“Listen up.”  His voice was quiet, but threatening.  “You are mine.  No one will touch you but me.  You will do as you are told.  Disobedience will be paid for dearly.  Do you understand?”

I could only nod in stark terror.  This was not how my spring break was supposed to go.

He smiled at me.  Brushing a hand down my cheek he said, “You really do have the most beautiful eyes.  That’s why I’m saving you for me.  Once I’ve trained you…you should be quite…” he looked me up and down, “delicious.”  His demeanor changed abruptly as my arm was back in his vice-like grip.  I was hauled through the house to a small room in the basement.  The room contained a small cot and a chair.  Nothing else.  The door had a small window in it.  It looked like something from a prison or an asylum, like you saw in the movies.

He threw me inside and locked the door behind me.  I looked up to see his face in the window.  “You don’t need to worry…yet.  I want to wait until I’ve broken you.”  He left me alone to figure out what he meant.  I have since learned that he enjoys mind games.

I think I was left alone for two days before I saw him again.  He leered at me through the window of the room.  “Would you like to earn a meal and a blanket?”

I wasn’t sure what that would entail, but I was starving and spent the nights shivering on the small cot, so I nodded.  He smiled.  He opened the door and pulled me out into the hallway.  I was forced to keep up his pace as we went up the stairs to the attic.  It was very dirty up there, full of boxes that had been haphazardly stacked.  It didn’t smell very pleasant either.  I asked about it and he told me there were probably dead squirrels in there somewhere.

“You will organize this mess.  If you manage to do so in less than six hours, I will give you a blanket.  But, if you want a meal as well, you’ll do it in less than three.  I have a guard posted at the bottom of the stairs and outside, so don’t even think about trying to escape.”  He left me alone in the attic and I worked as fast as I could force my body to go.  I did not earn a blanket that day.

I worked for over eight hours and still had not managed to shift even a quarter of the mess that was in the large attic.  The next day passed in the same manner, only I was even more tired and hungry and now my body was sore from the previous day’s exertion, which meant that I did even less than before.  He beat me that night.  I no longer remember the details of that first beating, just that it was extremely brutal.  I could not move when he was done and my throat was raw from screaming.

The next morning there was a plate of food by the door.  I had to crawl across the floor to reach it and ate while lying down because I could not force my body into an upright position.  The food was not good, but I had never gone hungry before and I was desperate. 

I did not see him for another two days. 

“Shall we try again?”

I was still very sore from the beating I’d received and the one plate of food I’d had all week wasn’t enough.  I wanted to shake my head, refuse, but there was something in his eye that stopped me.  It was like he wanted me to refuse.  At that very early point I made a decision.  He was not going to break me.  Ever. 

I looked him in the eye and nodded once.  I forced myself to work hard that day.  I still did not finish the attic, but he did not beat me that night.  The next day was the same.  It took me two weeks to earn the blanket.  Every other day was punctuated with a beating and a meal.  It was the only way I had to keep track of the time and eventually those occurrences became too haphazard to be reliable.

I learned to pick my battles very carefully.  I also learned that he was cruel for no reason.  I would return to my room after a long day of work and find my blanket gone.  I would have to earn it back once a month.  My meals were sporadic and only barely enough to keep me alive.  I learned not to speak, not to make noise of any kind, especially when he beat me.  He enjoyed my pain far too much.  I think this sometimes made him hit me harder, but I was determined not to let him win.  I lost track of how long I’d been there.

I woke to find him standing over me one morning.  “You’ve been here a year.  Does that shock you?”

It did, but I wasn’t about to admit it.

“I’ve decided to try a new tactic with you.”  He grabbed my arm and pulled me up the stairs to the second floor.  He put me in a new bedroom, this one furnished with a twin sized bed, complete with bedding, a dresser, nightstand and a closet of clothes.  “This will be your new room.  You are not to wander the house and I will lock you inside when you are not otherwise employed.  The windows are barred, so don’t bother with trying to escape through them.”

He turned but just as he went through the door, he turned back to me.  “That door leads to a bathroom.  I suggest you shower and change before I return.”

I hurried.  I did not want another beating if I could avoid it, as I already knew that regular beatings were to be expected.  I did pause in front of the mirror to get a good look at myself.  At least, I think it was me.  I still had the dark hair, but it was limp and the ends were split.  I was sure it was from a lack of nutrients as well as sporadic care over the past year.  My skin was covered in bruises, some old, some new, in a rainbow of colors.  But it was my eyes that made me jump.  They were still the light, icy green rimmed in gray, but now they were hard, and afraid.  I didn’t like it.  I learned to avoid the mirror.

I was clean and changed before he returned.  As he raked me over with his eyes, he said, “Very good.  You’re learning.  You will have new duties.”  He outlined the long list of household chores I would now be expected to complete.  I began to envy Cinderella her stepmother.  By comparison, she was nice.

My new duties included cleaning the house from top to bottom every day.  I was to be up at four in order to begin my work and I was not to stop until the house was spotless.  It was not a small house.  The first day, I stayed up until three am trying to finish, only to be rudely awakened in an hour to start over.  I had to come up with a system in order to get it done in enough time to get more than two hours of sleep every night.  There were times that I could not clean certain rooms.  He said they were in use and I was not to disturb his clients.  Sometimes I could hear girls screaming behind those closed doors.  I do not know where they came from or where they went after he was done with them, but I didn’t dare ask.  He made sure I understood just how fortunate I was to be allowed to move about the house as freely as I did.

When I did not clean something to his specifications, I got a beating.  When I did not move fast enough for him, I got a beating.  If I did not act appreciative enough, I got a beating.  If I spoke to anyone but him, I got a beating.  If I spoke when he did not want me to, I got a beating.  For every made up offense, I got a beating.  This continued for a long time before he decided to try something else.

I was cleaning the kitchen when he cornered me against the counter.  He knew I could not escape.  He pressed his body against mine and gently ran a hand through my hair.  I knew better than to think he was going to be nice to me.

“I told you I was saving you for myself.  However, seeing as it’s your birthday, I have a little present for you.”  He pressed his lips to mine, smug in the knowledge I could not get away from him.  I don’t know how he knew it was my birthday, or if he was just saying that it was to have an excuse to touch me.  Pulling away from me, he said, “Today you will do something new for me.”

He pulled me into an office with no windows.  There was only a chair in the middle of the small room.  Sitting in the chair was a young man, I guessed not much older than me, but definitely younger than him.

“You will do as I tell you.” 

I did not respond.  I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to respond.

The young man smirked evilly and I instinctively knew what he wanted.  I may have been naive enough for him to kidnap me, but I was not so naive now that I didn’t know what he was after.  I fought against him.  I refused. 

“Now, now,” he chided me.  “Is that what you think of my gift to you?  I told you that I will be the only one to touch you so as a birthday gift you get to learn a valuable skill.  You get to practice with this young man who has graciously volunteered to teach you.  And I will watch to make sure that you learn well.”

When I still refused, he whipped me.  I could feel the blood drip down my back, but I still refused.  He brought me to his office once a month and still I refused, knowing what the punishment would be.  The young man never lifted a hand to help me.  In fact, he almost seemed amused at my refusal.

I wish I could say that I refused every time, that I was able to withstand his strength.  But I was subjected to increased beatings and even more restricted meals.  I finally just had no energy or strength to fight them.  One day the young man helped him and they managed to force me and once that happened, I was forced to have a ‘lesson’ once a week, to make up for lost time, or so he said. 

The day I supposedly turned 18, he wanted me to put what I’d learned to use.  I refused.  I’d had enough and I decided I wasn’t going to let him win anymore.  He could have forced me, I suppose, but for some reason he wanted me to attend to him willingly.  So I decided he could just keep waiting.  He beat me.  He pulled me into his office once a week for a year and beat me when I refused.  For the last two months, it had been daily.   

Until yesterday morning.

I had reason to be afraid.  He had threatened to do something drastic if I did not submit.  He had yanked my arm behind my back harshly enough to hurt my shoulder in an attempt to make me submit.  Then he strangled me, threatening to kill me with his bare hands but even that did not work and he let me go just before I passed out.  Yesterday morning I was locked in my room after another whipping.  I did not see him all day.  I was not given food and my fear kept me from sleeping.  Finally, after all was dark and quiet, he came into my room.  I was pulled from the bed by my hair and dragged across the floor, my back scraping along the carpet, opening my wounds and leaving a trail of blood from the fresh lashes I’d received only hours before.

He jerked me to my feet and shoved me against the wall.  “Scream for me.”  I could not.  Maybe I wouldn’t have anyway, but at that moment, I was physically incapable of making any noise.  He pulled me down the stairs to the room I had originally occupied.  Throwing me inside he said, “This is your last chance.  Tomorrow you will not be so lucky.”

I could only stare at him in terror.  He pulled a baseball bat from behind the door.  “You asked for it.” 

I blacked out after ten minutes.

I woke to the sound of heavy breathing.  It was mine.  My right eye was swollen shut, but my left I cracked open.  I was lying on the cot in torturous pain.  There was no part of me that didn’t hurt, but my left leg was pure agony.  I saw him sitting in the chair, watching me.  I lamented again my inability to escape him.

He smiled.  “Good morning.  Today we will try something new.”  He pulled my protesting body off the cot and dragged me to a room in a little used corridor of the house.  He was forced to drag me because I could not put any weight on my left leg.  I hated cleaning down here because the lights did not work and there were rats and all manner of spiders.  He threw me into a corner.  My back and head hit the wall and I sat there, dazed as he loomed over me.

“I once said that I would break you first, but I’m tired of waiting.  I will break you today.”  He grabbed my sore leg and pulled me flat onto my back, my shirt pulled up in the process and my back grated on the cement beneath me.  I bit back a scream.  I would not give him the pleasure of hearing it.

He straddled my hips and leaned over me, his eyes dark with lust.  I could not escape him now.  I could not match his strength and was in far too much pain.  “Don’t worry, my little one.  You’re of age now, so this won’t hurt as much as it could.”

I stared at him in disbelief.  He couldn’t be serious.  He chuckled as his hands felt their way up and down my body, finally resting on the button of my jeans.  “After all the trouble you’ve given me, I’m going to enjoy this.”  He undid the button and eased down the zipper.  “Oh yes, I will enjoy this.”  He started to tug down my pants.  I struggled weakly, trying to make him stop.  That only made him laugh.  “You had your chance to cooperate and chose not to.”  Putting his face close to mine he said, “I once told you that you were mine.  Unfortunately, I’ve had an offer for you that I just can’t refuse.  But he doesn’t want someone inexperienced, so I still get to take you.  It’s too bad.  This client goes through girls like water through a sieve.  When he’s done with you, you will beg for me.”  He knelt between my legs and started to undo his pants.  “Relax and it won’t hurt as much.” 

My scream was drowned out by the house alarm going off.  He stopped unzipping his pants and cursed.  He rose to his feet and redid his pants.  “I expect you to be here when I return.  There will be no escape for you, do you understand?” 

I watched him leave and scrambled as quickly as I could manage to get my pants back up.  I had no idea what was going on.  The alarms had never been triggered before.  I cowered in the corner, my leg hurt too much to make a run for it and he would catch me if I tried.

I don’t know how long I stayed there, frozen with fear.  I was afraid to leave but afraid to stay.  The alarm didn’t last very long, so I expected him back at any instant.  I flinched when I heard footsteps and cringed at the voice.

“Matt!  There’s a body in here!”

3: Chapter 3

Chap. 3

I jerk awake.  The leg of my jeans has been pushed up and someone is touching my sore leg.  I kick out with my other leg and hear an oath as it makes contact. 

“Matthew, hold her right leg still.  I can’t do this while she’s flailing about.”

I try to pull myself into a tight ball, but find that my sore leg isn’t cooperating.  I can’t bend it at the knee anymore and stifle a cry of pain as I try.  They’re going to hit me, I know it.  I shouldn’t have kicked him.

“Shhhh…it’s okay,” the blonde’s voice reaches me.  “Your knee is dislocated, we’re just trying to set it, but we can’t unless you relax.”

I can’t relax.  I don’t know what will happen if I do.  They say they want to help me, but I just don’t know.  I stay in my tense almost-ball, curled up as tightly as I can manage. 

“Travis, see if you can talk sense into this nῧrén.”  The Chinese man’s voice is angry and I tense up more.  I’m sure he’s going to be the one to beat me.

“ShÇŽo zhÇ”, your tone is not helping,” the green-eyed man’s voice is soft.  “Come on, now, we’re just trying to help you.”  His voice is close to my ear and I shake my head.  “Would it help if I let you hold onto me?  You can squeeze my hand as tight as you need to.”

I shake my head again, refusing to look up.  I don’t know what’s happening but it isn’t good and I’m afraid.  He said he was going to do something drastic.  I don’t know if this is part of that or not yet.  It is late, the tent is lit by a lantern.  I can hear the propane burning.

“Oh for the love of—!  Travis, hold her.  I don’t care if she doesn’t want you to; this needs to be set before she does any more damage to it.”

I can feel hesitation coming from the green-eyed man, but I also feel arms begin to wrap around me.  “I won’t hurt you,” he whispers.  I feel him sit himself behind me and lean me against his chest.  His arms are wrapped around me, holding me tight, and it hurts even though he said he wouldn’t hurt me.  I struggle against his grip but he doesn’t let me go.  I risk opening my eyes.  The Chinese man is crouching by my sore leg.  I want to kick him again to make him leave me alone, but the blonde man is holding my other leg down so I can’t.  I screw my eyes shut as the Chinese man picks up my leg and moves to put my knee back in place.  I bite back a gasp mixed with a sob as the pain rips through me.  I thought they said they weren’t going to hurt me.

I start trembling and cannot stop.  I want to fight against the three men holding me down, but I don’t have the strength.  I just want them to stop touching me.  I fight against the sobs that try to escape my throat.  I will not let them see me cry. 

“Shhhh…it’s okay.”  The whisper is soft against my ear and calming even though I still do not want to trust it.  The Chinese man proceeds to immobilize my leg and the blonde lets my other leg go.  It is only when the one with the green eyes moves from behind me and gently lays me down that I realize I’ve been digging my nails into his arm. 

“Oh, Travis!  What happened to you?”  The blonde’s voice is full of terror.  I don’t look up.  I’m sure it’s because I dug my nails into him. 

“This blood isn’t mine.”  For some reason that strikes me as funny.  Silly man, of course it’s his blood.  I just clawed ten holes in his arm.  I feel someone pull me onto my side, but I’m in too much pain to fight against it.  The pain in my leg is superseding all other pain.  “Oh my word!  ShÇŽo zhÇ”, get the kit.”  The sores on my back have broken open again.  I have been whipped every day for the last two months and after my rough treatment in the last 24 hours, I can only imagine that my back looks like ground beef.  Suddenly the situation isn’t funny again.

I hear scissors snip through the thin fabric of my shirt and I cringe as it is pulled away from my raw flesh. 

“Oh my…” the blonde breathes out.  “How could anyone do this?”

“Hold her still.  This needs to be cleaned.”  The Chinese man sounds angry.  I am afraid he will decide to hit me for letting my back get into such bad shape.  I should know to take care of myself better…

I am on my stomach and the blonde holds my right shoulder while the green eyed one holds my left.  My shoulder is once again part of the symphony of pain running through my body.  I can feel something being wiped across my back and I tense, trying to pull away from the touch.

“Quit moving…it only makes it worse.”  I try to hold still, but I don’t think I manage, given the amount of cursing I can hear.  “Hold her tight, I need to put an antibiotic on this and it’s probably going to sting.”  My back is slathered with the stinging antibiotic and I can’t hold it back anymore. 

I scream.

4: Chapter 4

Chap. 4

“What the heck are you doing to her?”  My mind barely registers the long haired man’s voice.  I am in such pain!  I wish I could black out but for some reason, my mind is not obliging.  “Ho-ly crap!  Roland needs to see this.”

I am lying limply on my stomach.  I could not move if I wanted to.  I hurt too badly.  Even breathing brings fresh stabs of pain through my body.  For the first time, I really want to die.  It couldn’t possibly be any more painful than this.  I no longer try to hold back the tears that course down my face.  I don’t know how much they can see in the light of the lamp.  It doesn’t matter now if they see me as weak.  They know I cannot fight back.  I am at their mercy.  Who knows what they’ll do to me next.  They said they wouldn’t hurt me and they did…twice.  I don’t think I can trust them.

“What’s going on?” a new, deep voice demands.  “Travis, why is your shirt covered in blood?”

“It isn’t mine, Roland.  It’s hers.”

There is a curse.  “What happened to her?”

“We don’t know,” the blonde answers.  “But this explains why she didn’t want us touching her.”

“Did you document this, ShÇŽo zhÇ”?”

“Of course,” the Chinese man snaps.  “Just tell me, Roland, did you really kill him?”

“We’re awaiting DNA confirmation that it really is him, but we’re almost 100% positive.”

“Good.  Because if you hadn’t I’d have to strangle him with my bare hands.  This is reprehensible.”

I’m not sure I heard him correctly through my pain.  He’s angry…at him?  Does this mean that they aren’t working for him?  I don’t want to get my hopes up.  It could still be a trick.

“We can’t extract her until morning.  Will you be able to keep her pain under control until then?”

“Given the extent of her injuries, I doubt that we have anything that will keep her pain under control.  However, I will do what I can.”

“I wish Sarah had been sent with us.  This girl needs to be checked thoroughly but I highly doubt she’ll let you do it.”

“I know, Roland.  I’ve already sent word ahead to Sarah about her.”

“Have you identified the girl?”

“No.  The only sound she’s made was that scream.  Even when I set her leg, she didn’t make a sound.”

The new voice swears again.  “See if you can get her to talk.  We’ll need to get her statement as soon as possible to prosecute the surviving members of the trafficking ring.”

I hear the tent flap open followed by a zipper.  I flinch as someone starts bandaging my back.  It hurts, but not as much as the antibiotic did.  Once they are finished with my back, I feel a blanket being placed over me.  I lie there, begging my mind to fall into unconsciousness. At least then I won’t have to know what they decide do to me next.  There are murmurs around me as the men speak amongst themselves, but I am not listening.  Somehow, their quiet voices lull me to sleep.

5: Chapter 5

Chap. 5

I am warm.  I am on my side.  I try to roll to my back and find that something is keeping me from moving.  I tense as I realize it isn’t a something, but a someone.  Tensing reminds me that my back is sore and I am unable to suppress a hiss.  The someone at my back shifts.  I want to curl up, but I can’t.  I hurt too much.

“Shhhh…relax.  It won’t hurt as much.” 

I cannot place who the whisper belongs to, but the words trigger a memory of him and I force myself into a tight ball, pain or no pain, my breathing erratic with fear.  That was what he’d told me before trying to…and now…I’m outnumbered and there’s no way I could save myself.  I would beg him not to hurt me, but I don’t think it would make any difference.

I hear the shifting of fabric near me and cringe.  He’s making his move.  I am momentarily blinded as the tent is lit up with a flashlight, but my eyes adjust quickly.

“Hey, it’s okay.”  The whisper becomes the soft voice of the one with the green eyes.  “You’re safe now.  No one will hurt you but if you’re not careful, you’ll undo your bandages.”

I can sense the concern in the voice, but I know concern can be faked.  I stay curled up for a few minutes more, waiting for him to do something.  When he doesn’t, I allow myself to uncurl, but I stay tense.  I almost wish I could see him.  Having him behind my back is a little unnerving because I can’t watch his actions.

“You can sleep.  I promise you’ll be safe.”  The quiet voice near my ear makes me jump.  I roll onto my stomach and try to push myself up.  My shoulder resists and I can’t bend my left knee, but I force myself to stand up.  I’m short enough that my head doesn’t quite hit the top of the tent.  I wrap the blanket around my shoulders, remembering almost too late that my shirt is gone.  It doesn’t matter if he promises I’ll be safe.  Promises are easily and too often broken.

I watch him sit up and adjust the flashlight, managing to keep from blinding me.  His eyes flick to the other end of the tent, and I turn to see what he was looking at.  There are two lumps on my other side and I realize it is two of the other men sleeping.  I really don’t want them to wake up.  If they get woken up, they’re sure to be mad and since it will be my fault if they wake up, I’ll deserve whatever punishment they give me.

It’s cold and I start to shiver, though I’m not sure it’s all from the cold.  The green eyed man slips out of his sleeping bag.  I take a small step back.  I’m not sure what he wants.

“Use my sleeping bag.  It’s warmer.”  He’s on his knees close enough to me to touch my arm and I flinch at his touch, but he doesn’t seem angry.  He reaches out again and this time I don’t flinch.  He puts a small amount of pressure on my elbow, guiding me towards the bag.

“You’ll be warmer inside the bag.”  My leg hurts and I can feel the warmth from the bag on my feet as I step into it.  I sink down, careful not to jar my leg or my back and he zips up the side of the bag.  He carefully fishes the blanket from around my shoulders and wraps himself up in it.  I watch him warily as the warmth pulls at my subconscious.  My eyelids are too heavy to keep open and I know he is still awake as I drift off.

6: Chapter 6

Chap. 6

I am shivering violently.  How can I be so cold?  I feel a hand on my forehead.

“She’s burning up.”  The Chinese man’s voice is quiet.  I am too cold to focus on whether he is angry or not.

“Just how did she end up in your sleeping bag, Travis?”  The blonde sounds confused.

“I heard her wake up and she was cold, so I switched her.” 

There are no comments or arguments after the green eyed man’s statement.  I vaguely remember his insistence that I would be warmer in the sleeping bag.  I shiver and wonder if he was lying to me.

I hear the tent flap open.  “Has she talked yet?”  It is the deep voice that I have no face for, but my eyelids are too heavy to open.  Putting a face to that voice will just have to wait.

“No.  And she’s gotten worse.  When can we leave?”  The Chinese man cuts to the chase to the point of being blunt.

“We move out in an hour.”

Something is muttered in Chinese.  I am still shivering.  Someone slips the blanket over the top of me.

“I need to check her back.  Her shivering may have loosened some of her bandages.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea right now, ShÇŽo zhÇ”?  Shouldn’t we make sure she stays warm?”

“Those bandages are the only thing keeping her back from being rubbed raw right now Matthew.  She’ll need them to be secure for the trip back to base.”

“How can we help?”

The Chinese man instructs them and they do as he says.  I am so cold it is all I can focus on.  I don’t fight them when they take the blanket and undo the bag.  I don’t fight as they roll me onto my stomach.  My teeth are chattering too hard to scream when the old bandages pull at my tender flesh as they remove them.  I hiss and one of them gently brushes my hair from my face.  I do not have the energy to flinch at his touch.

“Shhhh…we’re almost done.”  It is the blonde.

They bandage my back again quickly and I feel the blanket pulled over me before being zipped into the sleeping bag.  The blanket adds warmth and I finally manage to stop shivering so much.  I drift again into darkness.

7: Chapter 7

Chap. 7

His eyes come at me in the dark.  I try to escape, but they chase me.  I see a pinprick of light ahead and make my way toward it, my feet moving ever slower, but I am determined to make it.  I am breathing heavily with the exertion.  I know I cannot stop or he will get me for sure. 

I near the light and it registers that my eyes are open slightly.  The light is coming from above me and I can see shadows moving around me.  I struggle to move, but find that I cannot.  Something is restraining me at the waist and shoulders.  My legs are bound at the ankle and my hands at the wrists.  I panic and start pulling against the shackles. 

“Calm down, it’s okay.”  I don’t believe the blonde.  If it was okay, I wouldn’t be tied up.  I strain harder against my bonds.  “Stop!  You’ll hurt yourself.”

I don’t care.  I don’t even know for sure that he’s talking to me.  He has invaded my mind again and he is all I can see.  I want away from him and I pull hard enough that I can feel my wrists pulled raw and something wet is coating them.  Maybe that will help them slip free.

“ShÇŽo zhÇ”!  Do something!”  The blonde is pleading. 

A hand holds my arm down and there is pain, not only from my shoulder, but something sharp pricks my arm.  My mind grows fuzzy and I am once again in a silent darkness.

8: Chapter 8

Chap. 8

There are voices, but they’re far away.  I cannot hear the words, but I know that there is a female among many men.  I don’t know where I am, but I know if I don’t get up soon, he will be here and give me another beating.  How can I be so tired?  I thought I was getting better at cleaning the house without getting so worn down. 

I force my eyes open and am unnerved because I am not anywhere I’ve ever been before.  The ceiling is white and the lights are far too bright.  I notice a soft beeping sound coming from my left.  I turn my head and see several machines with tubes and wires coming out of them.  I follow the path of one set of tubes and realize that it is an IV line going into my hand.  I’m in a hospital?  How did I get here?

I stare at my hand for a minute, trying to get anything to make sense and I notice that my wrist is bandaged.  There is a line of red showing through the white gauze.  I wonder what I did.

There is movement and I look up to see a woman with blonde hair that comes over her shoulders standing next to my bed.  She has on a white lab coat and reads a clipboard.  She looks down at me and smiles.  I wish I could trust a smile.

“It’s good to see you’ve woken up.  My name is Dr. Miller.  What’s your name?”

I stare at her.  I don’t know if it’s safe to answer or if it’s another test.  If I don’t say who I am then maybe he won’t find me again.

She watches me for a minute before saying, “It’s okay.  You can talk when you’re ready.”  She proceeds to check the machines that I realize are all hooked into me one way or another.  When she is done, she turns back to me.  “You’ll need to stay in bed for a couple of days.  I’d rather not restrain you, but that’s up to you.  Stay in bed of your own accord and we won’t use the straps, okay?”

I give her a tiny nod.  Do I dare believe she’s telling me the truth?  Maybe she’ll change her mind later.  But maybe if I cooperate, I won’t be punished as badly. 

She smiles.  “You’re recovering just fine.  If you need anything the call button is here,” she shows me, “and the buttons to adjust the bed are here.”  She makes a few notes on the clipboard.  “I’ll be back to check on you in a few hours so just take it easy, okay?”

I don’t respond, but I watch her leave.  I have no idea how I got here.  I rack my memories for anything.  I was in the tent, then…I don’t know where I was.  I was having a bad dream, being chased by him and I was tied down.  The blonde was concerned I would hurt myself and then I…I think I was given a shot.  I turn my gaze down my right arm, which is laying across my stomach and notice the edges of a bandage peeking out from the crook of my elbow.  I also see that I have another IV line in my right hand.  I wonder vaguely why I would need two. 

I am tired and decide to take Dr. Miller’s advice and rest.  I turn my head to my right side and start as I see someone in a chair watching me.  It is the man with the long hair.  He has grey eyes and looks like he spends a decent amount of time in the gym.  He’s wearing all black, which I think is different than what he was wearing before.  It was hard to tell in the darkened corridor of the house.  The other men I saw that night were wearing what looked like Interceptors Uniforms, but I’ve never seen one in person before, so I can’t be sure.  He looks bored and slightly annoyed.  I can only hope he doesn’t entertain himself by hitting me…or worse.

“So you finally decided to join the land of the living, huh?  Well, that’ll make Matthew and Travis happy, anyway.  They’ve been pretty worried about you.”  He stops talking and stands up to stretch.  His shirt lifts a bit, revealing toned abs.  “You’ve been in and out for three days.  My name’s David by the way.  Just so you know you’re under ‘round the clock supervision at least until you give us your statement.”

Statement?  What does he mean? 

My confusion must show because he continues.  “We need to know how long you were there and what went on.  It might be hard for you to talk about, but it’ll help us get the baddies in jail, okay?”

I avert my eyes.  I don’t know if I can trust him enough to risk talking.  He insisted that I was only allowed to talk to him and I will be in trouble if I talk to anyone else.  Unless he’s really dead, I remind myself.  But what if he isn’t?

“Hey, you okay?  You want me to get Sarah?”  I glance back at him and see concern on his features.  Concern can be faked.  “You’re just…looking a little paler than usual is all.”  He’s fidgeting.  “Do you even know how to talk?”

I hesitate, but nod once.  I know how to talk.  I just…haven’t for so long.  He didn’t like it.  I don’t remember how long it’s been since I talked.  And what if this is just another test?  He had all sorts of people working for him.

“Well that’s good anyway.  I’d hate to have to question you only to have you ignore me.”

I’m not sure if that is supposed to be sarcastic or not.

“Hey, don’t be so serious.  I was trying to make you laugh.”  He seems a little down that he didn’t manage it. 

I almost want to tell him that I’m sorry. 

Almost. 

“So, um…you don’t feel like talking, I guess.”

No crap, Columbo.

“Hey, don’t worry about providing your statement right now.  Sarah says that you need to recover a bit before she’ll let us interrogate you anyway so just do what she says and take it easy.”

I think this one talks because he can’t stand silence.  I bet it annoys the others to no end and I wonder if that’s why he got sentenced to watch me sleep.  Now that I’m sort of awake, I kind of want to shove a pillow in his mouth and tell him to shut up.  He’s still talking, but I haven’t been listening at all.  I shut my eyes and he trails off.

“Okay, then.”

I feel a little bit bad for not listening, but I’m tired and sore and quite frankly, I still don’t know if I can trust him, which is going to make falling asleep difficult, but maybe just resting will be enough.

9: Chapter 9

Chap. 9

I guess pretending to sleep actually works because I wake up later.  I have no idea what time it is, but I know my back is extremely itchy.  And I can’t scratch it.  I wiggle on the bed, trying to scratch my itch but to no avail.

I stare at the ceiling, trying to come up with a way to scratch my back without breaking open my sores again.  I might get in trouble for bleeding everywhere.  Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s any way to manage it.  The itch is maddening!  I decide to screw it and scratch anyway, but when I go to move my right arm, I realize that my shoulder has been put in a brace and I cannot move it.  I would scratch with the other hand, but the IV line would get in the way and I don’t want to risk pulling it out.  I have a feeling I would get yelled at or worse.

I vaguely wonder how I didn’t know my shoulder was immobilized but in thinking about the last time I was awake, I remember that I hadn’t tried to move at all.  I want to sit up, so I feel around for the remote for the bed.  I’ve just about given up finding it when it is placed in my hand.  I look up to see the blonde smiling at me.  Smiles can be deceptive.  I wonder if he will expect something in return.

“You look uncomfortable.  This should help.”

I nod, but I’m thinking that a back scratcher would be better.  I play with the buttons until I am upright and comfortable.  Well, as comfortable as I can manage with my right shoulder in a brace and my left knee wrapped tightly and the rest of my body covered in bruises.  I feel a little self-conscious at having someone sit and watch me all day.  I’m used to being under supervision, but at least when I was captive the supervision came in the form of video cameras.  So if someone had to sit and watch me, at least I couldn’t watch them do it.

“David said you woke up earlier.  Are you feeling better now?”

I’m not sure I want to answer him.  But then I realize that at this point I have nothing to lose.  If they were going to kill me…or worse…they’d had more than ample opportunity.  I nod.

“I’m glad.  My name’s Matthew.  What’s yours?”

I pointedly look away.  I’m not ready to talk yet.  I think I won’t talk until I know without a shadow of a doubt that there’s no way he will be able to come after me.  If he even thinks that I talked to anyone…I don’t want to think about what that beating will be like.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

I feel bad.  He hasn’t done anything to me and I’m basically ignoring him.  I turn back and give him a small smile, hoping he’ll understand it isn’t his fault.  I can’t bring myself to trust him yet.  I just don’t want to end up on the bad end of one of his little ‘jokes.’

“I understand,” he says with a smile.  “I’ll try to stick with yes or no questions so you don’t have to talk, okay?”

He said I couldn’t talk, not that I couldn’t communicate.  That’s acceptable.  I nod.

“Great.  So are you hungry?”

I haven’t really thought about being hungry.  I haven’t had a decent meal or felt full since he took me.  I don’t know how to answer him.  I attempt to shrug and instantly regret it as my shoulder screams at me.

He looks like he’s thinking over my response.  “You’re not used to eating regularly are you?”

I shake my head slightly.  I cringe as his expression darkens.  He’s going to hit me, I just know it. 

“I’m sorry.  Look, if you’re hungry you can eat, okay?  You don’t have to wait for someone to offer.”  He snaps his fingers, which makes me flinch, and rummages in the table next to my bed, producing a pad of paper, a pen and a menu for the hospital cafeteria.  “I know Sarah will want you to eat foods that won’t upset your stomach until you get used to eating again.  I recommend soup and toast.”

I watch him read through the menu, a thoughtful look on his face.  “Looks like they have chicken noodle, clam chowder and tomato today.  Do any of those sound good?”

Again, I’m not sure how to answer, so I just look at him.  He hands me the pad and pen.  “Do you know how to write?”

I nod hesitantly.  I’m right handed but I can’t really move my right arm. 

He grins.  “Why don’t you write down which one you want and I’ll get someone to bring it up, okay?”

I decide to attempt writing with my right hand.  It hurts to move my arm enough to write so I grab the pen in my left hand and very messily write ‘chicken.’  I wrinkle my nose at the attempt, but he looks over my writing and nods.

“Writing with your non-dominant hand will take some getting used to, but at least your writing is still legible.  I have a hard time deciphering David’s chicken scratch.”  He goes to the telephone and orders room service for both of us.  I play with the pen a little, unsure of what I should be doing.  It isn’t like I’m used to having time on my hands. 

I’m relieved when there’s a light knock and the door opens.  It’s Dr. Miller. 

Matthew hangs up the phone.  “Hello, Sarah.”

“Hi, Matthew.”  She turns to me.  “How are you feeling?”

I look down at my lap and remember the paper.  I write out ‘O.K.’ and show it to her.

She grins.  “Still not talking.  But I suppose that’s to be expected, given what you’ve been through.  I assume they didn’t want you to talk much.”

I look down and shake my head.  She puts her hand under my chin and lifts my face so I’m looking at her. 

“You don’t have to be afraid anymore.  I promise I won’t get mad at you.”

I turn my head.  I just don’t know if I can trust her.

“It’s okay.  I understand that you don’t trust me yet.”  I detect a little hurt in her voice, but I’m grateful that she at least says she understands.  It makes me feel a little less guilty.

“We’ve ordered dinner.  Would you care to stay and join us?” Matthew asks, and I’m glad he’s trying to change the subject.

“You didn’t order her anything too heavy did you?”  Dr. Miller sounds a little displeased and I cringe at the tone.

“No.  Of course not.  She picked chicken soup and I ordered her some crackers as well.”  Matthew’s tone is easy, he’s clearly not intimidated by the doctor like I am.

“Well, I can see you’re in good hands.”  I take a chance and look up.  She isn’t angry at all.  She smiles at me.  “I’ve got you on a nutrient drip so you don’t need to worry about getting all the food groups in right away.  But I’m going to leave a list of foods you can eat so you don’t upset your digestive tract right off.  Based on your physical evaluation you haven’t been eating regularly and you’ll need to ease into heavy foods.”

She consults her clipboard and looks at me again.  “I need to ask you a few questions and I’ll try to keep them ‘yes’ or ‘no’, but there are some you’ll have to write the responses to.  There are no wrong answers and I want you to be honest, okay?”

I nod hesitantly, afraid of what she’ll ask me.

“Do you know how old you are?”

I have a pretty good idea, but I’m not 100% sure.  So I write ’19?’ and show it to her.

“You’re not sure?”

I shake my head.

“Do you remember how old you were when you were picked up?”

I nod.

“Do you remember the approximate date or the year?”

I nod again.

“The current date is April 24th, 2122.  Does that help?”

I nod and cross off the question mark.  I’m 19.  It’s been almost 5 years to the day.  The thought makes me feel a little sad.  I missed my Sweet 16, learning to drive, my prom, graduation…everything my friends and I had planned to do together.

I start as Dr. Miller’s hand touches my shoulder.  She’s looking at me with concern.  “Are you sure you’re okay?  You kind of spaced out there for a minute.”

I nod, hoping she doesn’t notice how glassy my eyes are.  I blink a couple of times, focusing on my blanket, and hope Matthew doesn’t notice either.

“If you’re sure you’re okay…”

I nod again.

“How many different locations do you remember being in?”

‘1’

“Can you tell me how long you were there?”

I write ‘5 yrs.’

Dr. Miller looks at me incredulously.  “That long?”

I nod.

“I’m sorry, but it’s surprising because…do you realize how fortunate you are?”

Fortunate?  Me?  I look at her, confusion written all over my face.

“You were 14 when you were taken right?  Most children who are taken into this type of human trafficking ring are sold almost immediately into the sex or slave trades.  The longest I’ve heard of any of them staying within the confines of the original house is six months.  And the fact that he didn’t rape you is…it’s just unbelievable.”

I bite my lower lip and make a decision.  It might be stupid of me, but if by some chance these people really want to help me, there are some things they need to know.  I write ‘he tried’ and show it to her.

“Is that why he beat you?”

I nod.  Well, it was one of the reasons he beat me anyway.  Maybe one day I’ll be able to write well enough to give her the full list.

Matthew comes over and glances at the paper, wanting to fill in the blanks in this conversation I’m sure.  He shakes his head and frowns.  He walks out the door, leaving us alone.

“Okay, so let’s get the personal questions out of the way while he’s gone.”

She explains how my examination revealed that I’m still a virgin and proceeds to ask me questions concerning my cycle, explaining that it will help her evaluate my health further.  I find I have to write most of the answers.  I’m glad when she moves on to another subject.  I now know WAY more about the female anatomy than I ever had a desire to know.  I guess I can cross OB/GYN off my career choice list.

“Do you remember where you were living when you were taken?”

I nod.

“Do you think your family would still be there?”

I don’t know.  My father’s job had us move quite regularly.  I write ‘?.’

“Well, how about you give me your address and your parents’ names and I’ll look into it.”

I shake my head.

“You don’t want them to know you’re okay?”

I don’t know if I can explain why I don’t want them to know.  He threatened to kill them if I ever went back to them, so I’m sure he’s watching them.  I painstakingly write ‘I don’t want him to find me.’

She reads what I wrote in confusion.  “Who?”

‘Perdu.’

“Is he the one that did this to you?”

I nod. 

Dr. Miller frowns.  “I’ll have Roland bring some pictures by and you can see if you can point him out.  That name wasn’t on any of our intel lists so I assume he used an alias with you in case you ever got away from him.”

I nod.  I had figured as much which is why I don’t want anyone to know that I’m still alive.  If he’s out there anywhere, he’ll come after me again and he won’t care who he hurts.  And if he used an alias with me, who knows how many he has?

There’s a knock and the door opens and Matthew enters, followed by one of the staff with our food.

Dr. Miller smiles.  “Great timing.”  She grabs the used pieces of paper and slips them into her pocket.  “We’ll talk again later.  I don’t want to wear you out.”

Personally, I’m glad she’s done grilling me for a while.  Aside from not wanting to answer some of her questions, my hand is starting to cramp from writing.  I awkwardly massage my hand as Matthew slides a tray over my lap.  I’m starting to hate this shoulder brace.

He chuckles.  “Sorry your hand is sore.  I’ll try to stick to yes or no questions and give you a break.”

I look at the food on my tray.  There’s a bowl of soup, some crackers and a Styrofoam cup with a straw in it.  I assume it is water.  I take a sip and am surprised to find lemon-lime soda.  It’s been so long since I’ve had a soda.

“Is that okay?  I can get you something else if you’d prefer.”

I give him a small smile and take another drink.  He grins and focuses on his own food for a minute.  I concentrate on navigating my spoon between the bowl and my mouth.  I’m a little shaky and not used to using my left hand to eat with.  It’s hot, which keeps me from scarfing it down, but very good.  I might not get another meal like this for a long time and I want to eat as much as I can before they take it away, but it’s too hot to eat that fast.  I haven’t had a hot meal since I was taken.  All of my food was cold—most likely left over from whatever he was eating for dinner, and I’m pretty sure some of it was moldy, but beggars can’t be choosers.

I can’t eat very much.  After only a few bites of soup and two crackers, I feel full.  It’s a strange feeling, but not unpleasant.  I feel a little guilty for wasting food, especially when I don’t know when I’ll be given another meal, but I can’t make myself eat any more.  They might get mad if I make myself sick.

“Did you get enough to eat?”

I nod.

Matthew takes my tray and sets it on the small table across the room, leaving the drink on the table next to the bed where I can reach it.

“Sarah suggested having you eat several small meals a day rather than just two or three large ones, so we’ll get you something else in a few hours if you want.”

I’m not sure how I feel about that.  Wasting food once a day might not be too bad, but several times a day?  I know how it is to be hungry and there were days I would have downed that in a heartbeat, regardless of the consequences just because I wasn’t sure when I would get another meal.

“Do you like to read?”

The question pulls me out of my thoughts and I nod.  Books are okay, I guess.

“What about music?  Do you like music?”

I nod.

“Movies?”

Again, I nod.

“What about sports?   Do you like football?”

I shake my head.

“Soccer?”

Again, I shake my head.

“Baseball? Basketball?”

No and no.

“Well, maybe later I’ll have you write out a list of stuff you’d like to read or watch or listen to, but I won’t make you do it now.  I know how boring it is to sit here and do nothing.”

I duck my head.  That’s exactly what he’s been doing since it became his ‘turn’ to watch me.

“I didn’t mean it like that.  What I mean is that I’ve had my share of hospital stays.  So have the others, so we get it that you’ll be bored with nothing to do.”

Oh.  I’m still not sure if he’s telling the truth or just saying that to make me feel better.  I look at him, trying to read him.  I still don’t know that I trust him, but so far he hasn’t done or said anything that has hurt me intentionally.  Maybe he’s just biding his time.

He’s finishing his meal, which was larger than mine to begin with and either doesn’t notice or chooses not to acknowledge my scrutiny.  I’m pretty sure he’s taller than I am, which isn’t saying much.  A lot of people are taller than me.  He’s got a medium build, but is a bit on the slender side of it.  He’s wearing a uniform of sorts.  It consists of black slacks and an olive green shirt.  The first two buttons of the shirt are undone.  I’m almost positive it’s an Interceptor uniform.  He isn’t really bad looking.  If forced to admit it, I’d say he was cute.  He seems a little familiar, too, but I can’t exactly place why.

He finishes eating and grabs the remote to the television.  “Why don’t we see if there’s anything good on for a bit and give you a rest from answering all these questions, eh?”

I’m okay with that.  I settle on the pillows as he turns on the television.  The news is on the first channel and they’re talking about the Parker Corporation’s new satellite acquisition.  I haven’t watched television or seen any bit of news since I was taken.  I have a vague memory of hearing about the Parker Corporation’s new CEO from my friend Courtney, who had a crush on him.  Apparently he wasn’t that much older than us when he took over after his father’s death. 

The news shows a picture of the CEO and Matthew quickly changes the channel.  I look at him and he’s blushing a little.  I wasn’t seeing things.  This is Matthew Parker?  Wouldn’t Courtney just be green with envy if she knew?  Actually, if she was here, I have no doubt that she’d jump him in the hall and try to rob him of his virtue.  I sort of wonder why he’s here, apparently working for the Interceptors, instead of in an office somewhere.  Maybe when I decide to talk again, I’ll ask.

“See anything you want to watch?”  He’s been flipping through the channels. I haven’t watched television for five years.  I have no idea what shows are good anymore.

“Nothing?  I guess we could always watch the hockey game.”  He’s joking, but has inadvertently landed on a sport I like.  He’s surprised when I nod.

“You like hockey?”

I grin shyly and nod.

He chuckles.  “Who’d’ve guessed?”

We watch the game for a while.  He has no way of knowing, but the L.A. Kings are my team and they’re currently trouncing the Colorado Grizzlies.  They’re nearing the end of the third period when there’s a knock and the door opens.  It’s David.

“Hey, Matt!  Roland wants to talk to you for a minute.”  He walks over and looks at my uneaten food.  “I can’t believe you’re making her eat this.”

“It’s not as bad as most hospital food.”  Matthew shrugs and gathers up the trays.

“Whatever you say, man.  I just know that I’m not risking my taste buds on it.”  David plops in the chair and looks at me.  “You talkin’ yet?”

I shake my head.  I don’t think he’s mad…at least, he doesn’t seem to be.  He turns to the television.  “Aww come on!  How could he miss that shot?”

I want to tell him it’s because the Kings’ Goalie is infinitely better than the Grizzlies’ Left Wing, but I don’t.  I can tell he isn’t happy that the Kings are winning, especially when he snatches up the remote.

“You’re not really watchin’ this are you?”

I nod.  He seems surprised.  “But the Grizzlies are losing.  Don’t tell me you like L.A.!”

I nod once.

“Man, I knew I should’ve let Travis watch you until Matthew gets back.”  I’m still trying to watch the game, as it distracts me from worrying that he’ll be angry with me for disagreeing with him, but he keeps jabbering on.  “He doesn’t care who wins as long as it isn’t the Grizzlies.  I think he’s never gotten over that bet he lost when they played against the Penguins and they won with a lucky shot during sudden death overtime.”

The Kings score again bringing the score up to 43 to 12.  David rolls his eyes.  “Man, this is embarrassing.  You know the Kings are gonna win.  You sure you wanna finish watchin’ this bloodbath?”

I’m getting really tired again, so I don’t answer him.  I assume he’ll change it as soon as I drift off anyway.  I’m leaning back on my pillows and my eyelids droop.  I’m out before I realize it.

10: Chapter 10

Chap. 10

The light is softer when I wake up.  It’s morning and the room lights are off, all light is coming from the window.  I wonder how long I’ve slept this time.  I turn to see who’s watching me today and scream when I see him sitting in the chair.

“HEY!”  The yell does not come from him.

I jerk awake and sit up, breathing heavily and sweating.  The room is darker, half of the lights have been turned off.  It was all just a dream.  I repeat this to myself a couple of times to slow my breathing.  I lean back into the pillows and look up to see someone I don’t know watching me.

“Are you okay?”  It’s the voice I didn’t have a face for.  He has dark, messy hair and I think his eyes are blue, but in this light it’s hard to be sure.

I nod, apprehensive because I don’t know this man at all.  What if he’s angry with me for screaming?

“Was it a nightmare?”

I nod again.  Am I in trouble?

“I’ll be right back.”  I watch him leave and he returns with Dr. Miller.  She smiles at me.

“I’m going to give you something so you can sleep a little better, okay?”

Ummmm…I’m not really sure how I feel about that.  But I can’t exactly tell her no, especially since she’s already adjusting the knobs on one of the machines.  I can feel my body relaxing and it clicks that one of my IVs is for pumping me full of drugs.  I wonder which one she’s giving me as the room grows fuzzy.

11: Chapter 11

Chap. 11

My mouth feels like it’s full of cotton as I come around.  I wonder how long I’ve been out this time.  A shadow falls across me and I open my eyes partway. 

“Here.  Open your mouth.”

I follow the order before I can think about it and a small piece of ice is placed inside.  I suck on it until it is gone, grateful for the wetting it gives my mouth.

“Roland said Sarah drugged you so you could sleep last night.  I expect your mouth feels like you’ve been sucking on cotton balls.”

I give the speaker a nod as I try to place which one this is.  My brain wakes up a little bit and I recognize the voice of the green eyed man. 

“Done with that one?  Open up.”

I obey and he gives me another piece of ice to suck on.  My drug haze is starting to lift and I open my eyes a little more and turn my head to look at him.

He looks back at me, searching my eyes.  “You’re still feeling the effects, aren’t you?”

I nod and shut my eyes as the movement makes the room spin a bit.

“Just relax, it should wear off soon.”

I want to ask what time it is but my hands feel too heavy to write the question.  I risk opening my eyes again and turn my head to look out the window.  The blinds are drawn and I can’t tell if it’s day or night.

He follows my gaze and asks, “Would you like me to open the window?”

I’m not sure.  Would it make any difference if I knew what time it was?

He gives me a scrutinizing look and says, “It’s noon, if that’s what you wanted to know.”

I look at him and give him a small smile.  He nods back to me and sits in the chair.  He hands me the cup of ice and I shakily put another piece in my mouth.  I’m not sure why my hand is shaking.  I think it may be because of the drugs.

“Would you like something to eat?”

I think about it.  Could I eat with the world spinning like this?

“It may help some of the effects to wear off faster,” he continues.

Well, if it will make the world stop.  I nod.  He pulls out the cafeteria menu and glances at it.  “Would you like soup again or something different?”

I don’t know.  I know Dr. Miller said soup was fine.  I notice he has a second piece of paper that he’s consulting. 

“Sarah said it should be fine for you to have soup or you can have toast.”  He frowns.  “There’s not much of a selection for you, I’m afraid.  The soup today is borsht, which I don’t recommend.  It’s bad even by hospital food standards.”

I don’t know what I’m allowed to eat so I don’t even bother to look for my paper and pen.  He looks at me.

“Have you ever had rice pudding?”

I shake my head just enough so the room doesn’t spin again.

“You might like it and it’s on your list.  Would you like toast?”

I nod.  Toast is always good and it will give me something to eat if I don’t like the rice pudding.  He nods and places the order as I suck another piece of ice.  I’m starting to get some moisture back in my mouth.

Silence reigns as we wait for the food to be brought.  This one doesn’t seem to mind the silence and he hasn’t pressed me to answer any questions that aren’t yes or no answers.  He’s wearing the same outfit as Matthew, right down to the top two buttons of his shirt being undone.  This man, though, has a black tie very loosely hung around his neck.  It gives him kind of a ‘Devil May Care’ look.  He’s not bad looking, either.  I think he’s taller than David and Matthew, but his build is kind of between the two.  His hair seems shorter than the last time I saw him.  At least, his bangs aren’t in his face anymore.  I wonder if Courtney would think he was cute.  She was kind of boy crazy, so I guess that she would. 

I sort of wonder where the paper and pen ended up.  I don’t want to really rely on them, but it might be nice to ask him his name since he hasn’t supplied it as the others did.  But maybe he hasn’t told me because he doesn’t want me to know.  Maybe watching me is annoying to him and that’s why he doesn’t talk to me.

I look down at my arms, noting that some of the older bruises have started to fade.  It’s kind of scary how much paler my skin looks next to the purple bruises.  I look at my wrists and notice that someone changed the bandages as the ones now are spotlessly white.  I wonder when they were changed, but figure it happened when I was drugged.  I wonder if they did my back too, which isn’t as itchy as it was.  I suppose that means it’s healing.

There’s a knock on the door and a hospital orderly brings in a tray of food.  The green eyed man takes it from him and makes sure the door is secure before coming over to me.  He places the tray in front of me and I realize he’s not eating as well.  It makes me feel a little self-conscious.

I look at him and he reads the question on my mind.  “I ordered food for myself, but it will take longer to make.  I didn’t want you to have to wait.”

Oh.  I bring a shaky spoonful of the pudding to my mouth, nearly dropping it.  I really hope it’s a side effect of the drugs and not a result of my beatings.  I’d rather not have to deal with this forever.  And I really don’t want to get in trouble for making a mess when I eat.

“I’ll tell Sarah to lower your dosage next time,” he says quietly as he steadies my hand for me.  “I don’t think she realized how badly it would affect you.”

He continues to steady my hand so I can eat and I feel a little silly, but I know that I would have spilled most of it down my front without his help.  I appreciate that he doesn’t take over and try to feed me like a baby.  That would have been downright humiliating, although given what I’ve had to do to survive, maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal.  I wonder if it’s a good thing that I still find things embarrassing.  I suppose it’s something that would be considered normal.  It might be the only ‘normal’ thing about me anymore.

I quit psychoanalyzing myself when there is another knock on the door.  He waits until I’ve put down the spoon before moving to open it.  I decide to attempt a piece of toast on my own and find that the shaking has lessened a little.  The toast is lightly buttered and I am just happy that I can eat it without help.

The green eyed man returns to his seat with his own tray of food and eats, watching to see if I need any more help.  It’s weird having someone watch you eat.  I’m glad that I can’t eat much before I feel full.

I settle back on the pillows and wait.  For what, I don’t know, but I know he’s still eating and I don’t want to seem impatient for nothing to happen.

“Did you get enough to eat?”

I jump a little at his question, as I wasn’t expecting it, but I nod.  He doesn’t make a big deal over the fact that I ate less than half the small bowl of pudding and only half a piece of toast.  I’m just not used to eating regularly.  Two meals in two days is a definite luxury.  Maybe they’re not working for him.  I mean, they’ve had more than enough reasons to be angry with me and so far they haven’t hit me once.  But do I dare hope?

There’s a light knock on the door and it opens before the man can answer. Matthew’s head pokes in. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

I follow his gaze and see that the green eyed man has risen and has a gun aimed at the door.  I didn’t even see him move.  Remind me never to sneak up on him.  He nods and sits back down, slipping his gun back to wherever he took it from.  I don’t really want to know where he keeps it.  I’d rather I didn’t know he had it at all.  Now I get to worry that he’ll just shoot me instead of beating me.  Goody.  He resumes eating as Matthew comes in and shuts the door behind him.

“How are you feeling today?”

I don’t answer.  I know shrugging will hurt and it’s not a yes or no question.  Will he be mad if I don’t answer?

“She’s doing better now than she was.  The drugs are wearing off.” 

I am a little grateful and a little annoyed that he answered for me.  How would he know?

Matthew notices the look on my face and chuckles.  “You’ll find that Travis reads people very well.  I think it’s because he observes more than he talks.”

There’s a small chuckle from the eating man, but he doesn’t comment.  Matthew frowns and moves closer to the bed.  I flinch at his close proximity, but he stops at the table next to the bed.  He pulls the pad of paper and pen out of the drawer and hands them to me, moving the tray of uneaten food. 

“I’ll try to remind everyone to make sure you have these in case there’s something you want.”

‘Thank you,’ I write.

He smiles at me.  “You’re welcome.”

He pulls another chair over and sits next to the green eyed man.  I wonder what it is that they want.  I know it can’t be exciting watching me do nothing.  Matthew looks as if he wants to say something, but he hesitates. 

‘What?’

He reads my question.  “It will keep until Travis is done.”

“I’m done,” the green eyed man, ‘Travis’ I mentally correct myself, says.

“Of course.”  Matthew seems a little tense.  “Would you be feeling up to looking at some pictures?  We need you to identify the man who took you.”

I close my eyes.  I don’t want to, but if they can confirm that he’s dead, as I heard them claim, maybe I can move on and not be so scared.  I nod and look up.

“Right,” Matthew says quietly as he stands.  He goes out the door and returns a moment later, followed by the man who was watching me last night.  I remember the messy hair.  He’s also wearing the uniform, but his shirt is buttoned all the way and his tie is in place.  He looks very professional despite the messy hair.  He’s a little taller than Matthew, with about the same build and his eyes are very blue.  I’m beginning to wonder if being attractive is a prerequisite to join the Interceptors.

“My name is Roland.  Are you willing to tell us yours yet?”

His gaze is piercing, but I shake my head.  I will NOT talk until he is dead.  He grunts and I’m pretty sure he’s annoyed.  I look down.  A hand lifts my chin and I find myself looking into Travis’s very green eyes. 

“You’re not in trouble.  Don’t be afraid,” he says quietly.

I give him a small nod and he moves back.  Roland puts a large binder on my lap.

“Look through those pictures and see if you can identify any of them,” he orders.

I open the book, apprehensive.  The pictures are in plastic page protectors.  I’m not sure I want to look at the face of my tormentor, but the need to know he’s dead outweighs my fear.  I do not recognize anyone in the entire book.  I close it and shake my head.

“Did you see very many people in the house?”

I shake my head.  I knew the rooms were used by his clients because I had to clean them, but I never saw who was using them.  I only saw him and a handful of girls he kept for only a few days before moving them.  Even then, I really only knew the girls were there if I happened to hear them crying, which almost all of them did, or screaming, which most did.  But there were a few I caught sight of from the upper windows as I was cleaning.  They were usually fighting against him as he pulled them from or into the car.  I never knew who they were, where they came from, or where he took them.  I asked once and he made sure that I never dared to again.

“You said his name was Perdu?”

I nod.

Roland’s expression darkens.  “Hidden.”

“What?”  I’m glad Matthew asks because I’m just as confused.

“That’s what Perdu means.  It means hidden, concealed or obscured.  Since it doesn’t match anyone on record, I assume it’s an alias.”

“Sarah seemed to think so, too.”

“I’ll bring another book of pictures by later.”

Matthew and Travis exchange a look I can’t read.

“Um, okay, Roland.  Just…”  Matthew doesn’t seem to want to finish his sentence.

“I won’t push her too hard.”  Roland looks annoyed.  I feel bad that I didn’t find him in their book.  Then maybe Roland wouldn’t be mad.  I hope he doesn’t decide to hit me to vent his frustration.

Matthew nods and grabs the book off my lap.  He hands it to Roland, who immediately leaves.

“Sorry that didn’t turn anything up.  I suppose I shouldn’t have hoped it would be so easy,” Matthew says to me.

I grab the pen and paper and write out ‘How many?’

Matthew looks and guesses, “How many…books?”

I nod. 

“There are seven books of suspects we’ve identified with this trafficking ring.  I hope it doesn’t take going through all of them before your kidnapper can be identified.  Everyone in the first six books is either dead or in custody.  The seventh book is of suspects we have yet to apprehend, and it’s much smaller than any of the other books.  But don’t worry about it right now.  We only want you to identify him so that we can be sure we’ve caught him and charge him accordingly.”

‘He isn’t dead?’

Matthew doesn’t answer right away.  “I’m sorry.  He might not be.  That first book was entirely suspects who have been…permanently removed either by the Interceptors or by other members of the ring.  However, there are some in the other books who have been similarly…disposed of.  He may be one of those.”

“But don’t worry about it.  You’re safe now.  We won’t quit hunting him until he’s been stopped.”  Matthew seems surprised that Travis is trying to reassure me.

I lean back against the pillows, tired from the activity and realize that until they find him, I will be constantly stressed out.  And if they never find him, I may never speak again.  I wonder if I should give myself a time limit.  Six months?  A year?  Two years?  Five?  I don’t know.  I guess I won’t worry about it now.  After all, they just told me that he might be dead.  But I suppose as long as he’s locked up, I might be okay to speak.

I start as a hand brushes my bangs away from my face.  “Try to get some rest and don’t worry.  We’ll get him.”  Matthew gathers up our trays and takes them out with him. 

Travis turns on the television and flips through a few channels, pausing briefly on a hockey game.  He goes through all the channels before settling on the game.

“Is this okay?”

I nod.  It’s a game between the Pittsburg Penguins and the Colorado Avalanche.  The Penguins are ahead by six goals.  I drift off before the end of the game.

12: Chapter 12

Chap. 12

I wake, shivering.  Someone is shaking me.  It was the pain that woke me.  I look up into David’s concerned face.

“Sorry, but you were having a nightmare.  I was afraid you’d hurt yourself again.”

The room is only half lit as it was last night.  I wonder how late it is.

“Do you want me to get Sarah to give you something?”

I’m not sure.  I really didn’t like the drug hangover I ended up with earlier.  I’d like to sleep without the nightmares, though.  Maybe I can try again without the drugs and then use them as a last resort if that doesn’t work.  I shake my head and David shrugs.

“If that’s what you want.”

Something he said bothers me.  I find my pen and paper; they were left on the bed instead of put away like last time.  I write ‘What do you mean, hurt myself again?’

He takes a little longer to decipher my writing than Matthew does. 

“Um…well, your wrists.  You had a nightmare when you were transported here and you pulled against the restraints so hard you cut your wrists pretty bad.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” ended up giving you a shot of something to make you stop.”

So that wasn’t all a dream, then.  I look at the bandages on my wrists.  They’re still white, which means they’ve stopped bleeding.  Or else someone changed them again without my knowing.  I hope it’s the first one.  I know that people cut their wrists to commit suicide and I don’t want to die because I accidentally cut mine.

He’s still talking.  “I guess I was afraid you’d hurt your back again with the way you were thrashing around.”

I think I’m glad I don’t remember this nightmare.  I nod to let him know the explanation is enough and settle myself back against the pillows.

“Hey, do you mind if I turn on the TV or something?”

I shake my head and wave my hand at the remote, hoping he understands that I don’t care.  The noise is actually kind of soothing.

He grins and pushes the power button, playing with the volume so it’s not too loud.  I watch as he flips through the channels, most of which are infomercials at this point in the night.  He settles on a movie and I watch it as I wait for sleep to claim me again.

13: Chapter 13

Chap. 13

No.  NO!  NOOOooooo!

He is looming above me in the darkness.  “I told you that you will never escape me.  I am coming for you.  You are mine.”

He reaches for me, grabbing my leg and I kick at him, trying desperately to make him let me go.  He reaches for my arm and I punch at him.  I feel my fist make contact but he merely laughs at my vain attempt.  I twist and try to fight him off.  He laughs at me, taunting.

“You cannot escape.”

I fight harder as I feel my arms being pinned down.  I scream.

“Hush now, you’re safe.  It’s all right, calm down.”

The quiet, insistent voice breaks through the darkness and I force my eyes open.  They do not focus, but I recognize that I am in a dimly lit room.  I go limp.  I am on my left side, breathing heavily, unevenly.  I feel an arm under my neck and shoulders that lifts me a little and I am gently turned onto my back.

“Don’t be afraid, you’re safe.  He cannot get you,” the quiet voice that broke into my nightmare is next to my ear.  I cannot force my eyes or my mind to focus enough to tell who it is.  The arm lays me down against a soft pillow.  I close my eyes.  I am so tired.

I hear the words “adjust” and “not so much” from the quiet voice as everything goes fuzzy.

14: Chapter 14

Chap. 14

Ugh.  I hurt everywhere. 

I am aware of this long before I can force my eyes open.  It is a dull ache, but I still hurt.  Someone has adjusted my bed because I am flat on my back.  I do not move or attempt to open my eyes.  My mouth feels dry again and I have a vague memory of a nightmare and I link the two.  I’ve been drugged again.

I think I will wait for a few minutes to let the drug wear off before I try to move.  I cannot remember what my nightmare was about.  I wonder if that is a result of the drug or just because I cannot remember. 

“Is she still out?” 

“I think she’s starting to come around.  Give her a little bit.”

I hear the voices and struggle to put faces and names to them.

“Let me know when she’s cognizant.”

“You’re not going to push the books on her immediately are you, Roland?”  The voice is disapproving.

“No, Matthew, I won’t.  As much as I’d like to, I won’t.  Satisfied?”  He’s annoyed.

“Roland, that’s not fair.  She can’t handle it right now and you’ll only make things worse if you try to push her.  She still isn’t talking.  She may have been traumatized so much that she’ll never talk again and all you can think about is your investigation!”

“My investigation will put the rat bastard that did this to her behind bars permanently.  And we need to know as soon as possible if he’s slipped through our fingers so we can hunt him down before he does this again.  If he’s smart he’ll cover his tracks better and the next girl might not be found in time!”

There is silence for a minute.  I am glad they don’t know I’m listening.  I don’t want them to yell at me, too.

“I’m sorry, Roland.  It was unfair of me to accuse you of putting the mission before everything else.”  Matthew’s voice is no longer angry.

“You know as well as I do that three years ago that would still have been the case.”  Roland’s voice is quiet, almost apologetic.  “I don’t blame you for thinking that with the way I’ve been acting lately.”

“No, as your friend I should give you more credit than that.  I should have realized that you were just trying to stop this atrocity from happening again.”

“Matthew, stop apologizing.  Just let me know when she’s up.  And Sarah wants to talk to her today.”

“Okay.”

I hear the door open and close.  I think I can make my eyes open a little bit now.  The lights are off, but there is a soft light coming from the window. 

“Good morning.”  Matthew is standing above me.  “Would you like to sit up?”

I don’t know.  Last time the drugs made everything spin.  I shake my head a little.  I want to wait until my vision clears a little more.

Matthew slips the bed remote into my hand.  “Here.  You can sit up when you’re ready.”

I appreciate that he doesn’t push me and lets me do things by myself.

“Roland said that Sarah wants to see you today, as soon as you’re up for it.”

Sarah?  Oh, wait.  He means Dr. Miller.  I remember hearing all of them call her ‘Sarah’ at some point.  I also remember Travis saying that food would help the effects of the drug wear off faster.  I decide that I should sit up and see if I can eat.  I am not sure I am hungry, but if it makes this feeling go away faster, I’ll try it.

Matthew watches as I adjust the bed.  I feel around for the paper and pen, but don’t find them.  Matthew finds them in the drawer and gives them to me.

I write, “Water?”  My handwriting is really bad this morning because my hand doesn’t want to cooperate.

“I’m so sorry, I should have thought of that!”  He grabs a Styrofoam cup from the side table and goes into the bathroom connected to my room.  I hear the water running and he comes back.  He starts to hand me the cup, but thinks better of it when he sees how badly I’m shaking.

“Let me help you.  Travis said the drugs make you shake and I’m sure you don’t want another bath.”

Another bath?  When did I get a bath in the first place?  I miss a lot when I’m drugged.  He tips the cup and I am able to get a drink.  The water is clean, not too cold and just what I needed.  I put my hand up when I am done and he pulls the cup away.

“We should get some food in you as well.  It will help.”  He pulls out the menu and scrutinizes it.  “There aren’t very many breakfast choices you can eat.  What was it you ate yesterday?”

‘Rice pudding and toast.’

“Would you like that again or something different?  You can have hot cereal if you’d prefer.”

I tap what I wrote before and he nods.  “What kind of jam would you like for your toast?”

I didn’t think of that yesterday.  It was good plain.  But I write ‘strawberry’ and he orders it for me.  We wait in silence for a moment.

“You know, I feel bad not knowing your name.”  He’s looking at me, reading my reaction.  I look down.  I thought I made it clear that I didn’t want them to know my name.  “Is there something we can call you, even if it isn’t your real name?”

I think this over.  I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to give them something to call me. 

“You could just give us your first name and not your last.  That would be enough.”

He has a point.  My name isn’t so original that it would be immediately linked with my last name.  I hesitate because if my parents put out a missing person report, they could easily link me to it.  They have the time frame, how old I was…and then I realize they could do that anyway.  They know what I look like and all they’d have had to do was link the physical description with the time frame.  So why haven’t they?

There is a knock that interrupts my train of thought.  Matthew retrieves our trays from the orderly and we eat in silence.  I start with the toast as I know I can manage to get it to my mouth without help, but nearly drop the plastic knife as I put a bit of strawberry jam on it.  I have forgotten just how yummy strawberry jam is.  After a few bites of toast, my hand isn’t shaking so much and I attempt a bite of the rice pudding.  It is just as good as yesterday, and I find that I manage a little more than yesterday.  I still don’t finish it all, though.

“So what about your name?”  He is still eating, but watching me closely.  I wonder if he’s been put up to this, he’s certainly being persistent enough.

I shake my head. 

He looks at me thoughtfully.  “Is there a reason you don’t want us to know?”

Sort of.  It might not even be a good reason.  I’m sure I’m just paranoid, but…

‘I can’t say.’ I write.

“Why not?”

‘Not safe.’

“What if I could guarantee you’d be safe?”

I look at him.  ‘Not possible.’

He seems surprised and a little sad.  “You really don’t trust us to keep you safe?”

I feel guilty because he seems so upset about it.  I look down and consider how to answer him.  I think I want to trust them, but…I just…

I look up as he wipes a tear from my cheek.  I hadn’t realized I was crying.

“It’s okay.  You don’t have to trust us.  I know it can’t be easy for you to trust anyone, especially men, after what you’ve been put through.  We don’t take it personally.  But please know that we really will do everything in our power to keep you safe, okay?”

I nod and wipe the tears from my face.

“Hey, it’s okay.  Are you done eating?”

I nod again and find a little more composure in thinking about something else.

“All right.  Roland said that Sarah wants to talk to you today.  You let me know when you’re in a mood to see her, okay?”

I lean back against the pillows and try to focus my thoughts so I’m not bawling when she comes in.  That’s all I’d need, for her to think that Matthew wasn’t capable of talking to me without making me cry.  He really is quite sweet and I would miss having him around.  I know he’s just here because of his job, but at least he seems to understand me and doesn’t get upset when I won’t talk.

He finishes his meal and gathers our trays.  I look up. 

“Would you like me to get Sarah for you?”

Might as well get this over with.  I nod.

He shoots me a grin.  “Be right back.”

He opens the door and beckons down the hall.  He hands our trays off to someone and steps back, holding the door for Dr. Miller and the Chinese man.  All I remember about him is that he was angry.  I press back against the pillows as he comes closer to the bed.

“ShÇŽo zhÇ”, you’re scaring her,” Matthew says quietly.

The man stops coming towards me.

“Don’t worry about him, dear.  His bark is worse than his bite,” Dr. Miller says with a smile.  “Oh, sit down, ShÇŽo zhÇ”.  You’re starting to make me nervous.”

He sits stiffly with a glare at her.  Dr. Miller rolls her eyes.  She checks the machines and makes some notes on her clipboard before turning to me.

“I think we’re going to unhook you from some of these.  You still need the nutrient drip until you can eat a wider variety of foods, but the other one can go.  You don’t react well to the drug cocktail we’ve been using for your nightmares so I think we should dump that altogether.  I’ll give you something else to help you sleep at night, to use when you think you need them, okay?”

I nod.  I’m relieved that the fuzzy drug that makes me so shaky will no longer be used on me.

Dr. Miller checks my shoulder.  “This looks like it’s healing nicely.  Does it still hurt?”

I nod.

“A lot?”

I shake my head.  It really is much better now.

“You can take the brace off to shower, but other than that you’ll need to keep it on for a few more weeks.  You let me know if it bothers you, okay?”

I nod.

Dr. Miller lifts the blanket and checks my knee.  “I think we can take this wrap off if you promise to take it easy for a while.  If you think your knee can handle the weight you can get up and walk around the room a little bit.  Which reminds me that I’ll need to take your measurements and get you something else to wear.  I can’t imagine you being comfortable walking about with an open backed nightgown.”

I blush.  I would definitely not be okay with that.  She chuckles at me.  “We’ll take care of that a little later, okay?”

I nod. 

“Why don’t you just talk?”  The Chinese man’s question is blunt and his tone makes me cringe.

“ShÇŽo zhÇ”!  Leave her alone.  She has her reasons,” Matthew chides him.

“She’s making me dizzy.”

“Then wait in the hall.”

I look down.  They’re mad and it’s my fault.

“I apologize.  I didn’t mean to upset you.”  His voice is quiet and no longer angry.  I raise my eyes, but not my head.  He looks sorry.  I glance at Matthew and he gives me a small reassuring smile.  I raise my head, but I’m still wary of him.  He’s volatile.

Dr. Miller puts her hand under my chin and guides my face so I’m looking at her.  “It’s all right.  I wouldn’t let anyone in here if I thought they would ever hurt you.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” means well, he just doesn’t always come across that way.”

I nod.  I understand what she’s saying.  He’s still the one I would expect to hit me, but I remember what Matthew said about keeping me safe and I tell myself I don’t need to be afraid as long as he’s here.

“Right, now where were we?  I was going to ask you if you got to finish school.”

I shake my head.

“Hmmm…well, if you’d like we can arrange for you to study for your GED and get your diploma.”

I hadn’t given it any thought.  But I like the idea so I nod.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” stands and holds a book out to me.  I didn’t notice he had it when he came in, but then, I was more focused on my fear than what he was carrying.  I look at the book.

“You can take it.  It won’t bite.”

I’m sure this is an attempt at humor, but I don’t laugh.  I reach out and take it.  It’s a GED Study Guide. 

“I will be more than happy to assist you in your studies, provided you quit looking at me like I’m going to chew you up and spit you out.”

I blush because I hadn’t realized that’s what I looked like.  I think he takes it as an apology because he chuckles.  “Sarah has made sure that I know I can be difficult to get along with, but I will attempt to be more patient in the future.”

I nod and decide it’s okay to give him a small smile so he doesn’t think I’m still afraid of him, even though I kind of am.  I suppose if Matthew and Dr. Miller think he won’t hurt me, then maybe it’s true. 

“Well, since that’s settled, why don’t you boys leave us alone for a bit and I’ll let you know when you can come back.”

They oblige and Dr. Miller sets to removing the wrap on my knee and unhooking the majority of the tubes. 

“Okay, so I’m going to show you how to remove and replace the IV so you can get up and use the bathroom and shower for yourself, okay?”

The IV is set up so the needle is in my hand but there is an attachment that allows for my drip to be changed without having to stick me each time.  Sarah shows me how it works and I do it a few times to show her I can before she’s satisfied.  She removes my catheter, which I have to admit, I didn’t realize was there until she did.  Now I feel a little sore, which she warned me I would be, but it’s one of those things that you don’t realize feels uncomfortable until it isn’t there anymore.  Even with the mild pain, it feels pretty good to have it gone.  And I’m really glad that she made the men leave.  I really wouldn’t have been comfortable with an audience for that little procedure.

She helps me to my feet and steadies me.  I’m pretty wobbly.  I wonder if this was a good idea.  Maybe I should just let her hook me up again rather than risk landing on my face.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get steadier as you go.  And if you ever need help, just let us know.  The boys won’t let you fall.”

I wonder why she calls them boys.  Maybe it’s because they’re older than me so I think of them as men.  I think she must be older than they are or maybe she knows them from when they were boys?  I don’t know.

She lets me lean on her and I take a few steps to test my knee.  She was right about it getting steadier.  I don’t plan on running a marathon or anything, but I can at least hobble around a bit.  She has me stand in the middle of the room and she checks my back and changes the bandages.

“Does it hurt when I touch it like this?”

Not so much.  I shake my head. 

“How about like this?”

I flinch. 

“I’ll take that as a yes.  It may not feel like it, but your back is healing quite well.  You’ll have scars, but there’s nothing I can do to fix it.  I guess if you’re really self-conscious about it you can look into plastic surgery later on.  Okay, let’s get you measured.”

She pulls a measuring tape from her pocket and runs it around me, taking notes.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re too skinny.  So I’m going to get you some clothes that are a little big because I expect you to fill out a bit, okay?”

I nod.  I wonder if not eating stunted my growth a little because she’s taller than I am.  Maybe I was always going to be short.  I guess I’ll never know. 

“Maybe I’ll start having the boys order you a little junk food just to get some meat on your bones.  I’m sure you could handle ice cream or a little chocolate right?”

Ice cream?  Chocolate?  I haven’t had either in so long I’m not sure I remember what they taste like.  I smile at her.  It’s still a half smile, but it’s more than I’ve given so far and it’s genuine.  She smiles back at me. 

“Okay, I think that’s it for now.  I’ll be back in a bit with some clothes that won’t flap when you walk.”  She winks at me.  “Do you need to use the facilities before I let the boys back in?”

I decide that’s a good idea and enjoy my newfound freedom.  How sad is it that using a toilet makes me feel free?  He insisted that I ask permission and not only would he escort me to the bathroom, but he would wait outside and time me to make sure I wasn’t playing around.  I think I will ask to look through another book.  I know that the only way I will truly be free is when he is out of the picture. 

I catch a glance of myself in the mirror and stop.  My face is no longer swollen, but my cheek is still a fairly dark purple-black and my right eye is black.  The bruises go down my neck and the greenish yellow hue of some of them says that they’re healing, but I still look like someone beat the crud out of me.  Oh wait…they did.

I make my way back to the bed and Dr. Miller adjusts the height so I can climb in and out by myself.  Once I’m settled, she makes sure I hook myself back up to the IV and then nods.

“All set?  Great.  I should be back in a few hours.  Do you have a particular color that you like?”

I find the pen and paper.  ‘Not pink.’

She laughs.  “I’ll see what I can do.”

Matthew comes in as she leaves.  “Everything okay?” 

I realize that (what was his name?) ShÇŽo zhÇ” is not with him.  I nod.

“Good.  Are you feeling tired?”

I shake my head.  I’m actually feeling pretty good.  I guess regular meals and sleep work for me.

“Good.  That must mean you’re getting better.  Would you like to watch television?”

I shake my head.  He looks confused until I write, ‘Can I see another book?’

“You want to look through another book of pictures?”

I nod.

“If you’re sure you’re okay with that I’ll get Roland to bring you another one.”

I nod again to let him know it’s what I really want.  He goes to the phone and dials.  I’m glad that he’s not going to leave me alone.  It isn’t like I enjoy having a babysitter, but after his little speech about wanting to keep me safe, it’s reassuring to think that he’s serious and his actions reflect that.

Matthew still turns on the television while we wait for Roland to come with another book.  I don’t really pay attention to the show.  I’m a little preoccupied.  What’s going to happen when I’m released from the hospital?  I mean, I guess I can go home, but if he hasn’t been caught yet…NO.  I’m not going to think that.  I’m going to check the books and find him and then I will get my GED and maybe go to college and find a job and…I don’t know, get a boyfriend?  I wonder how my old friends are doing.  Did Courtney make Head Cheerleader like she wanted?  Was Tanya Homecoming Queen?  Which one of them ended up kissing Mitch Granger first?  Man…I missed so much.  Do they even remember me?

“Hey, what’s that look for?”

I swallow against the lump that formed in my throat and write ‘Just thinking about my friends.’

Matthew turns off the television and moves the chair closer to the bed.  “I’m sure they miss you just as much.”

I don’t know if I can write down what I’m feeling and come very close to breaking my ‘no talking’ rule when there’s a knock on the door.  Matthew gives my hand a squeeze and smiles at me before answering.  Roland enters with two books under his arm.  Matthew looks like he wants to say something, but Roland speaks first.

“I know you might not be up for it, but I thought it would be wise to go through the book of suspects we haven’t apprehended yet.  I thought it might put you at ease and if he’s still out there, we can hunt him down sooner.  The second book is in case you’re feeling up to looking at more later.”

I nod and take the first book.  I’m nervous as I turn the pages.  It’s bigger than I thought it would be.  What if he’s in here?  But what if he’s not?  What if they’ve caught him and my refusal to talk is just silly?  I get through the book and close it, shaking my head.

Roland almost looks relieved.  “Then he’s in custody somewhere.  So the sooner you identify him, the sooner we can charge him.”

“Roland, what did I say about not pushing her?”  Matthew’s voice is disapproving.

“She can go at her own pace,” Roland says defensively.  He takes the book from me and says, “Just let me know when you’re ready for the next book.”

He opens the door and Sarah comes in. 

“Hello, Roland.  How are things?”

“Better than expected.”  He leaves it at that and exits, closing the door behind him.

“What was that about?” Sarah wonders aloud.

“Roland had her look through the book of suspects we haven’t apprehended yet and her kidnapper wasn’t in there,” Matthew supplies.

“Well, I take it that’s good news.”  She smiles at me and lifts one of the shopping bags she brought with her.  “Why don’t we get you into something more comfortable?”

Matthew excuses himself, leaving us alone.  I detach the IV and slide carefully off the bed and tentatively put weight on my knee.  It holds and I take a few shaky steps towards Sarah, keeping a hand on the bed for assurance.

“You’ll get steadier the more you’re up and about.  Your muscles have been on bed rest and just need to be worked a little to get them up to speed.”  Sarah closes the gap between us and empties the contents of her shopping bags onto the bed.

I’m a little surprised at how much she bought.  She bought me three sets of pajama pants and tops, two pairs of jeans, five shirts, socks and underwear.  I’m pleased that she didn’t buy me anything with a hint of pink on it.  She also brought me a hair brush and ties, a toothbrush, toothpaste and some shampoo and conditioner, pointing out that it’s better than the stuff the hospital provides.  She’s also brought me a supply of girl products so I won’t have to ask for them when it’s time.

“I think until your back is better it would be better to ‘go commando.’  If you stick to the pajamas no one will expect you to wear a bra anyway.  I just don’t want the straps to be uncomfortable.”

I reach across the bed and grab the pen and paper.  I write, ‘Thank you.  You didn’t have to get me so much.’

She laughs.  “You’re welcome.  I have to admit, I had a lot of fun shopping for someone besides myself for once.  Now why don’t you try some of this on and make sure I got the right sizes, okay?”

She helps me out of the shoulder brace and the hospital gown.  “Now, I’m going to show you how to put this back on, but the boys know how these work, so if you get stuck, they can help, okay?”

I’m beginning to wonder just how often they’re in the hospital.  Matthew told me they’ve all been in long enough to know how boring it is, Travis and David talk about how bad the food is and now Sarah tells me they know how a brace is supposed to be put on.  Thinking about it, I remember that ShÇŽo zhÇ” was the one that set my knee and bandaged my back initially, so I assume he’s got training, but the others?  I don’t know.  They were able to help, but none of them took the initiative to patch me up.  Maybe hospital stays are part of being an Interceptor, kind of like how asking if people want fries comes with working fast food.

Sarah wants me to try on the jeans first and they’re a little big.  Not so much that they fall off, but Sarah reminds me that she thinks I need to put on weight.  This way I won’t have to buy new clothes right away.  I push the thought away that I’m going to have to figure out how to support myself.  I pick up the green set of pajamas and slip them on.  They’re also a little big, but they’re so soft.  I don’t remember the last time I had brand new pajamas. 

“I’m glad you like them,” Sarah says, grinning at me running my hands over the soft cotton.  She folds up the other clothes and puts them back in the bags.  “I’ll see if we can’t find you a suitcase or duffel bag to keep this in.  Why don’t you try to get that brace on for yourself, just so you can get a feel for it?”

I fumble with it and Sarah ends up taking pity on me and helping.  “You’ll get it with practice.”  She frowns at me.  “I didn’t get you any shoes.  But I suppose they’ll wait.  It isn’t like you’ll be running around outside in the next couple of weeks.”  She hesitates.  “I don’t suppose you’ve given much thought as to where you’ll go when you’re better.”

I have, but I don’t have any prospects.  I give her a little nod.

“You have?  So what are your plans?”

‘It depends.’

“On how the investigation goes?”

I nod. 

“Well, why don’t we just keep it on the back burner?  You’ve got time to come up with a plan of action.”

Yeah.  Time doesn’t fix the fact that I don’t have any money or a job or an education.  I don’t even know if my parents are still living in that apartment.  I guess I could always call Courtney and see if she remembers me.  Maybe I could crash in her parent’s pool house until I get stuff figured out.

I sit on the bed, carefully bringing my feet up to sit Indian style.  I want to be careful not to dislocate my knee again.  Sarah stashes the bags of clothes under the bed and asks me if I need anything else.  I shake my head.

“Well, in that case I’d better go make my rounds.  I’ll see you later.”

She leaves and Matthew comes back.  “I hadn’t realized how late it’s gotten.  You must be getting hungry.  What would you like to eat?”  He hands me the cafeteria menu and the list of approved foods.  I glance over them and make my selection: vegetable soup. 

Matthew is about to pick up the phone when there is a knock on the door.  He answers it to find David. 

“Shift change,” he announces cheerfully.  Glancing at me he asks, “Cat still got your tongue?”

I childishly stick it out at him.  He grins at me.  “At least you’ve got a sense of humor today.”

“I was just about to order her some food.  Do you want anything?”

“Nope.  I already ate.  If I’d’a thought about it I would’ve brought you some edible food,” he says, looking at me. 

“David, don’t bias her against the food here.”

“Hey, I’m just lookin’ out for her welfare.  No sense killing her taste buds if it can be avoided.”  I wonder what he would say if he knew that this food is better than what I’ve been eating.

Matthew rolls his eyes and picks up the phone, placing the order.

“I have some things to attend to.  If you need anything, just ask David.  He’ll get it for you.”

I nod.  I pick up the book Roland left.  I figure I can look through it since I don’t have anything else to do.  David sits and flips on the television.  I’m almost half way through this book when something on the television catches my ear. 

I know that voice. 

I freeze and listen.  David’s watching the news.  It’s a story on the trafficking ring and the Interceptor’s raid on the house.

“…unlawful entry and false accusations against my client.”

I look up at the television.  It can’t be.  I detach the IV and slide off the bed in a trance, barely noticing the noise the book makes as it clatters to the floor.

“Mr. Chase, are you saying the Interceptors are overstepping their bounds?”

“I’m afraid so.  I have been informed that they have a so-called witness that they think will be my client’s downfall.  My suspicion is that they have the girl he was renting the house to.  Her parents are quite concerned about her.  I have an appointment to meet with her tomorrow and I plan to get to the bottom of this.”

He’s coming tomorrow.  He knows where I am.                     

“HE-EY!”  David’s voice breaks through my stupor.  “What the heck, kid?”

I can’t answer.  I point at the book and again at the man on the TV.  He looks confused and his gaze shifts back and forth between the two as if watching a tennis match.

“That guy’s the lawyer for the guys in the book.  Now that you point it out, it seems odd he’d represent all those guys.”  He’s quiet for a minute, as if piecing it together.  “That’s not what you’re trying to tell me, is it?”

PLEASE tell me he isn’t this dense.  Where are Matthew and Travis when I need someone who can understand what I’m saying at a glance?  I pull my attention back to him.

“Mr. Chase your client has been accused of some very awful things.  Is he truly capable of committing such atrocities?”

“Of course not.  No one is capable of such crimes against humanity.  It’s all propaganda designed to make the Interceptors look competent.”

“What a crock,” David says, lifting the remote.  I move faster than I thought was possible and snatch it out of his hand.  “Hey!  What’s got you so wound up?”

I point again at the man on the television. 

“Okay, I get it, you’re watchin’ this.”

I want to scream.  Why doesn’t he understand?

“In fact, we have the girl’s parents here with a plea that the Interceptors release her from custody.”

I freeze as I watch my parents join him at the microphone.  Surely they’ll beg for my return because I’ve been gone for so long.  Even if they don’t know that he is responsible for my disappearance, they’ll say how much they’ve missed me and how they never thought they’d get me back. 

My father speaks.  “Please, Interceptors, we just want our little girl back.  This week without her has been an eternity to us.”

“There you have it folks, a heartfelt plea from a grieving father…”

A week?  

WHAT. 

THE. 

HECK???? 

I don’t believe this.  They had the chance to say I’ve been gone for years and they say it’s only been a week?  I think David is saying something, but I can’t understand his words.  All I hear is the blood rushing through my veins. He must be behind this.  That’s the only explanation.  He must have threatened them.  But…my parents didn’t look upset at all.  They looked reserved, but not distraught.  Not shell shocked at the news.  If anything, they looked…annoyed.  What is happening?

I feel my knees give out as the world crashes to pieces.

15: Chapter 15

Chap. 15

I do not hit the ground as I expect.  Someone catches me.  Somewhere in my head it registers that David didn’t catch me because he doesn’t wear the Interceptors uniform.  The arms wrap around me, tight enough to keep me from falling, but not so tight as to hurt my back.

“Hey, what’s this?” Travis’s quiet voice is in my ear and it releases me from my shock.  I have no idea where he came from and I don’t care.  I go limp in his arms.  I bury my head into his chest as I burst into tears.  I can’t help it.  It’s too much.  My parents are going along with his lie and what’s worse, the Interceptors don’t have him.  He’s running around, free as a bird, acting completely innocent.  I don’t understand how everything could go so wrong.

“Travis, what happened?”  Matthew’s voice sounds strained.  Maybe I’m imagining that.  Maybe it’s just how it sounds over my sobs.

“I’m not sure.”

“Can you calm her down?  Please?”  He’s begging but I don’t know why.  I can’t stop crying.  Everything that I’ve let pile up has suddenly come crashing down and I wish it would bury me.

“Travis…please…it hurts.”  Matthew’s breathing is labored and seems to match my sobs.  Maybe I just think that because I’m so lost in my tears. 

“David, take Matthew out while I calm her down.  See if you can tell him what brought this on.”

The door opens and closes, but I still haven’t looked up from Travis’s chest.  I’m afraid if I do, it will all dissolve.  Nothing else is real right now.  But this…I can touch him and he’s got his arms wrapped around me.  I slowly wrap my good arm around him.  He’s warm and I know he’s real.  I focus on that, trying to find an anchor to keep from losing myself.

“Shhhh…it’s okay.”  He lifts me up and sits on the bed, cradling me in his lap.  He carefully runs a hand over my back in soothing circles.  “Calm down, everything will be all right.”  His voice is quiet, not angry.  He lets me cry all over his shirt and I feel a little bad for making him so wet.  When I finally get myself under control, he doesn’t say anything.  He just holds me as I sit limply on his lap, leaning against his chest, my breathing punctuated by sobs. 

“Would you like to try and tell me what happened?”  He asks after a minute.  He lets go with one hand and I realize he’s grabbing the paper and pen for me.  At least he doesn’t expect me to start talking all of a sudden.

I take the pen and paper, my hands shaking.  I don’t know how to explain it. 

‘Lawyer = Perdu’ I finally manage.  My handwriting is worse than usual because I’m shaking so bad.

“I don’t understand.  Can you give me a little more to go on?”

I’m racking my brain, trying to make it all make enough sense that I can explain it to him when the door opens and Roland bursts in.

“You.”  His voice is low, angry, and dangerous.  He’s glaring at me.  “You’ve been working for them the whole time haven’t you?”

I freeze in shock.  He’s going to kill me.  I can see it in his eyes.

“Oh, Roland, how can you even ask that?”  Matthew’s voice reaches us from the doorway.  He sounds exhausted and incredulous.

“Did you watch the press conference?  Her parents said she’s only been gone a week.  Funny how that’s how long she’s been here, isn’t it?”

“Roland, she’s not the one lying.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“I can feel it, Roland.”

“Matthew, she’s playing on your empathy.”

“She doesn’t know about my empathy.  No one told her.  And the only people that know about it are in this room.”  From Travis’s lap, I can see that Matthew has shut the door and he is flanked by David and ShÇŽo zhÇ”.  David is watching Matthew as if he’s afraid the blonde will suddenly collapse.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” seems to be watching Roland.  He’s tensed up as if ready to pounce.

Roland turns back to me.  His eyes narrow.  “They reported that you were going to school to be an actress.  I have to say you were pretty convincing.”

I stare at him, too shocked to cry or shake my head or react at all.

“Roland, you can’t fake her injuries,” ShÇŽo zhÇ” says quietly. 

“It’s all part of the setup.  And it explains why her parents never bothered with a missing persons report.”

So that’s why they keep trying to get me to tell them who I am.  They can’t match my description to anyone on the missing people lists.  My gut turns cold and I feel like I need to throw up.  I realize that my dinner never came and I’m glad.  All I needed tonight was a full stomach to empty on the floor and this would be the perfect horrible evening.

“Roland, I told you.  I could feel her all the way down at the cafeteria.  She isn’t faking this.”

“You feel her guilt.”

“I FEEL HER BETRAYAL!”  I am not the only one surprised at Matthew’s anger.  How did he know?  He takes a few deep breaths and closes his eyes.  “David, what happened right before all of this?”

David clears his throat, obviously uncomfortable.  “Well, uh, she was looking through that book that Roland left for her and I was looking for something on TV when I chanced across that press conference.  I figured it was something I shouldn’t ignore, so I watched it.  Next thing I know, she’s standing there, gaping at the TV.  When I finally managed to get her attention, she pointed back and forth between the TV and the book.  I have no idea what she was getting at.  I figured it was upsetting her so I went to change it and she grabbed the remote.  I don’t know what it was exactly that set her off; just that she was trying to tell me something about the book and the TV.”

“I didn’t see the press conference, so this doesn’t make any sense to me,” Travis says quietly.  “But see if this makes any sense to you, Roland.”  He hands over what I wrote.

Roland snatches it and his eyes widen.  “You’re sure about this?”

I nod, trying valiantly not to give in to my tears.  I’m sure he won’t believe me.  He already doesn’t.

Roland swears.  “We need to move her.  Tonight.”

“What’s wrong, Roland?” David asks.

“Perdu is Donovan Chase, the lawyer hired to represent every single member of the trafficking ring.  I thought there was something fishy about that.  Colonel Gage already okay’d him to visit here tomorrow to see for himself if she is who he claims she is.” 

No no no no no!  He can’t come here.  He can’t find me.  I’m sure my eyes are as wide as saucers as I shake my head.  I can’t let him see me…he’ll kill me…or something worse.  I can feel the panic rising and can’t stop myself from trembling.

Roland rakes a hand through his hair.  “No one will believe us if we come right out and accuse him.  Especially since he’s got those people claiming she’s only been gone since we took her last week.”  He eyes me carefully.  “Those weren’t really your parents, were they?”

I nod and instantly dissolve into tears again.  Travis wraps his arms around me again, holding me against my sobs and trying to calm me down again.  How could they?  There has to be a logical explanation for it.  They were threatened or something.  At least…that’s what I keep telling myself.

“They’ll need to be kept away from her as well.  If they didn’t care enough about her to even file a missing person report, they don’t need to see her.  ShÇŽo zhÇ”, see if you can get Sarah here while we figure out what to do.  She’ll need to weigh in on this.”

I force myself under control again as the door shuts.  Travis sets me gently on the bed and I sit there, my arm curled around my knees and I stare at nothing.  I notice movement out of the corner of my eye and turn my head.  Travis and David are supporting Matthew between them.  Matthew’s fist is clenched against his heart and it looks to me like he’s having a heart attack.  I watch and a wave of concern crashes over me.  I don’t really trust him, but he’s been nothing but kind to me since they found me.  And after backing me up, I really have no reason to think he will hurt me.  At least, I hope he won’t.  They move him to the chair and he sits, rubbing his chest.  He looks up at me.

“Thank you, for being concerned, but it’s nothing.  It will stop soon.”

How did he do that again?

He chuckles.  “I should explain how this works while we wait for Sarah.”  He shifts in the chair, I assume to be more comfortable.  “I’m an Empath.  Do you know what empathy is?  Explained simply, it’s when you can feel what other people feel.  As an Empath I feel more intensely what other people feel, especially when their emotions are running high, like yours have been.  I don’t know exactly what causes the emotion, but I can usually guess and it sometimes makes it seem like I’m reading your mind.  Normally, I can only feel people who are close to me physically, or those that I’ve had a deeper connection with, like Travis, Roland, David and ShÇŽo zhÇ”.  Your emotions tonight were so strong that I felt your anguish in another wing of the hospital.  That’s why Travis and I happened to arrive just as you collapsed.”

So when I feel bad, he feels bad?  Now I feel bad.  Oh wait.  I can’t feel bad if it’ll make him feel bad.

“Don’t worry about keeping your emotions in check around me.  It helps for me to know what you’re feeling, especially where you aren’t talking.  It’s how I’ve been able to correctly guess what you need and also how I knew that touching you that first night hurt you.”

Oh.  So earlier he could really tell that I don’t trust them.  Didn’t trust them.  Am I really starting to trust them?  He looks at me and cocks his head.  He grins.  That’s a little creepy.  He chuckles and I feel the heat rise to my cheeks. 

“Now Matt, what did we say about using your powers for the dark side?” David asks in a tone that makes him sound like a mother talking to a three year old.

“You ruin all my fun, David.  Besides, it isn’t like she was feeling anything bad.”  He winks at me.

I am SO relieved that ShÇŽo zhÇ” chooses that instant to come back with Sarah in tow.  Roland quits leaning against the wall.

“What happened?” Sarah asks as she comes over to me.  She frowns and grabs my chin, looking at me closely.  “What have you been doing to make her cry?”  She turns her fury on the five men in the room.

“Sarah, we know who Perdu is,” Roland says quietly.

“What!?”

“You’ve met Donovan Chase?”

“Yes, Colonel Gage had me meet with him this morning to give approval for his visit tomorrow.”

“Chase is Perdu.”

“No!”

“Unfortunately, yes.  And it was pure dumb luck that David happened to be watching that press conference tonight.  Otherwise we would’ve found out tomorrow and I can only imagine how that would have gone over.”

“Why does he always use the term ‘dumb’ when it comes to my luck?” David grumbles, but nobody bothers to answer him.

“He can’t see her.  I’ll just tell Gage that she took a turn for the worse and I don’t know when she’ll recover.  We can fake her charts until he loses interest.”

“It isn’t that easy.  Considering what she knows about him and the investment he’s made with her already, I highly doubt he’d give up soon enough for your charts to be believable.  She’d have to recover sometime and he’d still be waiting.  However, I think you should go along with that ruse for a few days while we relocate her.  It will give us a head start.”

“Anything to help, Roland.  Just let me know what you want me to do and I’ll do it.”

“I knew we could count on you, Sarah.  I think it would be wise to keep Gage in the dark until she’s relocated as well.  It gives her plausible deniability.”

“Nice, Roland.  Use the lawyer’s own terminology against him,” David says, grinning.

“So where are you going to take her?” Sarah asks.

I’d kind of like to know, too, seeing as it’s my life and all that.

“We could take her to one of the safe houses,” Matthew suggests.  “One of us could stay with her.”

“The biggest downside to that is that as soon as one of us goes missing, everyone will know something’s up.  Is there someone else we could trust her with?”

“How about Howard?” David suggests.

“Not a good idea.  Being stuck on a ship surrounded by unfamiliar men is not the best place for her,” ShÇŽo zhÇ” says with a frown.  “What about your friend…what’s her name?  Jesse?”

David leans against the wall and crosses is arms over his chest.  “Naw…she’s too busy getting her scrap yard up and running.  Besides, I don’t trust her boyfriend.  I keep telling her she needs to leave him, but she doesn’t want to see him for the jerk that he is.”  He doesn’t sound sore about that at all.  (Please note my sarcasm.)

“Okay, we’re not putting her in that kind of a mess.  What we need is someplace safe, with someone we can trust to keep her safe.  Someplace they wouldn’t think to look.”  Roland rubs the back of his neck as he thinks.

“Cathy.”

“Travis, that’s brilliant!”  Matthew’s expression falls.  “Oh, but would she be able to take her?”

“She will if I ask.”

“D’you think she’ll be safe there?  I mean, no offense, but your sister isn’t really much of a fighter,” David points out.

“You’ve obviously never seen her throw knives.”  Travis sounds amused.  Seriously, though.  Knives?  Yikes!  “Besides, if she’s with Cathy, the rest of the circus will protect her.”

Circus?  That’s kind of cool.  How many people get to honestly claim that they’ve run away with the circus?  It would be something to cross off my bucket list.

“Call her, Travis.  Sarah, I’ll need you to set her up with any prescriptions she may need.  I don’t know how long we’ll have to hide her.”

“Say no more, Roland.  I’ll take care of it.”  She leaves quickly.

“Matthew, can you set up transportation?  We’ll need a couple of decoys as well.”

“I’m on it.”

“David and ShÇŽo zhÇ”, you keep guard on this room.  No one comes into this room except us.  No exceptions.”

They nod.  Roland looks at me.  “You make sure you’re ready to go.  We’ll get you out of here as soon as we can.”

I nod.  I slide off the bed and make my way to the bathroom to gather my toothbrush and other toiletries.  They certainly weren’t there long.  I pull the bags out from under my bed and make sure that everything is in them.  I pick up Roland’s book and place it on the table, which reminds me of the GED book.  I start to hand it to ShÇŽo zhÇ”, but he holds his hand up.

“Hold onto it.  Don’t think you’re getting out of studying just because you’re running away to the circus.”  I catch a small grin on his face and return one.  I put the book in the bags with my other things.

I slip on some socks and attempt to brush my hair. 

“Let me help you with that.”  David takes pity on me and pulls it up into a ponytail.  How pathetic is it that a guy can do my hair but I can’t?  Stupid shoulder. 

I sit on the edge of the bed and wait.  There’s nothing else for me to do.  Everyone else seems busy with their tasks.  I’ve heard people use the expression ‘they work like a well-oiled machine’ but I’d never seen it in action before tonight.  They just work so well together.  Everyone knows their job and they just…do it.  It’s kind of fun to watch.

“Don’t you have shoes?” Roland asks with a frown.

I shake my head.  I haven’t worn shoes in a couple of years anyway, so I’m not sure I’d like them.  He doesn’t seem happy about that, but there’s nothing I can do about it.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” and David have moved to stand outside the door in order to prevent unauthorized entry.  Matthew comes back in and brings a tray of food with him.

“Sorry this took so long.  I was going to bring it earlier, but then you were upset and it kind of got lost in the confusion,” he explains.

I’m not sure I can eat it anymore.  I take the tray, but I just look at it.

“Eat.”  I flinch at Roland’s order.  He rolls his eyes and looks at the door.  I feel bad for making him mad.  I want to apologize for annoying him, but I can’t.  Instead I take a few bites of the soup, but I don’t taste it. 

Matthew sits next to me on the bed.  He’s finished with his task and is waiting for something else to do.

“You don’t have to eat that if you don’t want to.”  He slips something into my hand as he takes the tray from me.  “You can always eat this later.” 

I look down to see a chocolate bar.  I give him a small smile and slip the bar into one of my bags.  He wraps an arm around my shoulders and I find myself leaning into him.  With how surreal everything has been tonight, I just need the reassurance that something is real.

“Don’t worry, we’ll take care of this.  You’ll like Travis’s sister.  Believe it or not Travis talks more now than he used to so she won’t mind if you don’t.  I’m sure if you want her to she’ll teach you how to throw knives.  Travis showed me the lions once, they’re huge and you haven’t seen anything until you see them react to him.  It’s amazing.  It’s almost like he’s one of their own.”  He’s talking quietly to me and I feel bad because I’m sure it’s to head off my growing panic. 

“Hey,” he frowns at me.  “What did I say about keeping your emotions in check?  Don’t you worry about that.”

I nod, but I still feel guilty for making him feel bad.  He chuckles.  “You keep that up and you’re going to be emotionally dizzy.”

I feel the heat rise to my cheeks, but I grin at him.  Now that I think about it, he’s right.  It’s a vicious circle.  I try to focus on what he’s telling me about the circus, but it isn’t working very well.  I think we’re both relieved when Sarah comes back.  She removes the IV needle from my hand, putting a band-aid over the puncture site.

“Okay, dear.  Put this in with your things.  This is a letter I want you to give Catherine.  It’ll fill her in a little on what you need and the schedule for the pills you’ll need to take for a couple of weeks.   There’s also a recipe for a nutrient shake.  You still need that to make up for the holes in your diet right now.”

I take the orange pill bottles and the letter and slip them into my bag where I stashed the chocolate bar. 

Roland goes to the door and beckons ShÇŽo zhÇ” and David back inside the room. 

“Okay, here’s the plan.  We take three vehicles and follow scramble pattern delta.  Travis, you’ll take her to your sister.  ShÇŽo zhÇ”, you and Sarah will stay here to keep up appearances.  Matthew and David, you’ll take vehicle one, I’ll take vehicle three.  It’s 2100 hours now, the three of us will rendezvous at point F at 0100 hours.  Any questions?”

Apparently they understand what he was talking about because they don’t have any questions.  I, on the other hand, am completely confused.  But I guess that means I can’t tell anyone later what they’re doing tonight.

“All right.  Move out.”                                                           

Matthew gives my hand a squeeze.  “Don’t worry.  You’ll be fine.”

He leaves with David and Travis grabs my bags.  I start to follow him, but stop.  Won’t someone see me leave?  He turns and looks at me.  “What’s wrong?  Did you forget something?”

I shake my head.  I haven’t forgotten anything, but I don’t know how to ask my question without the paper and pen.  Just then, an announcement is made.

“Attention staff.  This is a lockdown drill.  Please proceed to your stations.  In the event of an actual emergency this message will be followed with instructions.  For now, please remain in your stations until the end of drill signal is given.  Thank you.”

“Get going,” Roland says, practically shoving us out the door.

We slip through the empty hallways, my socks keeping my footsteps silent and Travis moving silently even with shoes on.  I follow him out a side door and down to a car parked just at the curb.  Travis puts the bags into the trunk and opens the front door for me.  I slide in and do up my seatbelt.  Travis lets himself into the driver’s seat.

“You should lie down.  It will keep anyone from seeing you and it’s late.  You should try to sleep if you can.  It’ll take us several hours to get there.”

The car isn’t very wide and I find that laying down puts my head on his thigh.  I think he can sense my hesitation because he gently rubs my shoulder and says, “You should sleep.  Just relax, everything will be fine.”

I put my head down, resigned to using his leg as a pillow and wait for sleep.  At least it’s a bench seat and not bucket seats with some sort of drink holder in the middle.  That would be really uncomfortable.  Of course, if it had bucket seats I could just lay the seat back and not have to feel weird about using him as a pillow.  He doesn’t move for a few minutes. 

I look up at him and he says, “We’re just waiting for a few minutes to stagger our departures.  It would look really suspicious if all of us left at the same time.”

Oh.  Okay.  I shiver a little and he starts the car, turning on the heater.  He puts the car into drive and I let the rocking of the car lull me to sleep.

16: Chapter 16

Chap. 16

I wake up suddenly with the realization that the car has stopped.  Travis is placing his jacket over me.

“We’ve stopped to gas up the car.  Stay here, I’ll just be a minute.  I’m not leaving you, okay?”

I nod and snuggle into the warmth of his jacket.  How is he always so warm?  I think maybe my inner thermostat is broken.  I always seem to be cold.  He rejoins me in the car and we drive off.  I don’t fall asleep again, but I stay lying down because I don’t want anyone to see me.  It’s still dark outside.

After a while, Travis pulls off and parks.  “Are you awake?”

I nod.

“Come on.  I’m sure you need a break from the car as much as I do.”

I slowly sit up.  I’m a little stiff from lying down that way.  It takes me a second to recognize that we’re at a rest stop.  There are a few semi-trucks parked in the far end of the lot, but ours is the only small vehicle.  Travis comes over to my door and he lifts me out.

“We’ll have to get you some shoes.  I don’t want you to risk cutting your feet on any broken glass that might be out here.” 

He carries me into the building and hesitates momentarily before carrying me into the men’s room.  You’ve got to be kidding me.  I can’t go in there!  I struggle in his grip and he must realize my reluctance to enter the men’s bathroom because he says, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave you by yourself right now.  Don’t worry, there shouldn’t be anyone in there this late.”

Then why not just use the women’s bathroom???  I still shut my eyes until he stops.  I open my eyes and realize he’s standing in front of a stall. 

“I don’t suppose you expect me to go so far as to join you in the stall?” 

He’s teasing me!  In the middle of the night, he’s teasing me about needing help to pee in a men’s room in the middle of nowhere.  He sets me down and I slap him lightly, rolling my eyes.  I don’t care, he deserves it.  I go into the stall and lock the door before tending to business.  His feet leave for a couple of minutes (I assume so he can do what he needs to) and then come back, turned away, so at least I can be sure he isn’t peeking, even if he can hear everything.  How embarrassing!

I finish up and walk out of the stall, heading to the sink to wash my hands.  He follows closely.  If there’s no one in here, why is he so concerned about me getting more than a foot away from him?  Once I’m done he scoops me up again and carries me to the car.  After settling me in my seat, he moves around to the driver’s side and starts up the car again. 

“I think we’re far enough away that you can sit up if you want.  I haven’t noticed anyone following us.”

I’m okay with that, especially since my back is stiff.  I wonder if Sarah sent me any pain killers.  I may need them by the time we get to wherever the circus is.

“Are you getting hungry?”

While normally I am immune to hunger pangs, eating regularly the last couple of days has spoiled me and I am feeling a little hungry.  I nod, surprised.  He gives me a small half-smile.  “Good.  We’ll stop in the next town and I’ll get you something.”

He pulls into a fast food joint drive-thru and orders a burger and fries for himself and a milkshake for me.  The girl who hands us our food takes one look at me and glares at Travis.  Since we technically only ordered one meal, she must think he’s been beating me and starving me.  I know I’m skinny enough for it to look that way.  I feel bad because Travis totally doesn’t deserve that girl’s erroneous judgment.  (Yeah, in case you haven’t noticed, I like big words.  Deal with it.)  He ignores her look and smiles at her as he pays.  Her look is pure venom as she hands him his change.  Yikes.

The burger and fries smell so good.  That’s just not fair!  But I remember what Sarah said about my stomach not handling heavier foods and settle for stealing a couple of his fries.  He notices, but just grins at me.  “Not too many, I don’t want you sick, okay?”

Okay, I get it.  But if he’d been on a basically liquid diet for a week after eating basically nothing but cold leftovers for five years, he’d steal a few greasy, salty, absolutely divinely hot French fries, too.  Even though he only got me a small milkshake, I can’t finish it.  He smirks as he confiscates my abandoned shake and finishes it off.  I roll my eyes.  I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have finished it if he thought I was going to.

We drive for a while and he takes an exit.  After about half an hour he pulls onto a side road and drives for another hour.  I glance at the clock and realize it’s almost four in the morning.  I’m starting to get tired.

“We’ll be there in about twenty minutes.  You doing okay?”

I nod and cover a yawn. 

We pull into a large field and he parks near a trailer at the edge of a group of vehicles and trailers.  He makes sure that I’m wrapped in his coat before he picks me up and carries me to the trailer.  I’m glad for his coat because it’s really cold out here at 4 a.m. He shifts me in his arms so he can knock and a light immediately goes on in the trailer.  The door opens and we’re greeted by a woman with curly auburn hair, wearing a pink robe.

“Oh Travis!  What happened?”  She wears a look of horror and I am reminded for the second time tonight just how beat up I look.

“Cathy, relax.  She’s not as bad off as it looks.”

He carries me inside and puts me on the couch.  He immediately goes back outside and returns with my bags of clothes.

Cathy is looking at me closely.  I duck my head under her scrutiny.

“Catherine, give her a break.  We’ve been driving all night.  Where do you want us to crash?”

“Your room is just how you left it.  One of you can use that and I’ll just pull out the couch for now.  We’ll worry about more permanent arrangements later.”

“Fine.” 

I stand up and Travis helps Cathy get the hide-a-bed pulled out.  She moves to a closet in the small hallway and pulls out sheets and blankets.  Between the two of them, the bed is made up in less than five minutes.  I feel a little bad for not helping, but I’m so sluggish right now that I don’t think I could have kept up with their quick movements if I’d tried.

“Will you be okay out here?  I’m a little too tall to fit on the couch anymore.”

I nod and curl up under the blankets. 

“If you need anything I’ll be in that room and Cathy will be in that one, okay?”

Again I nod and close my eyes.  I’m so tired.  I hear them speaking quietly as sleep overtakes me.

17: Chapter 17

Chap. 17

I’m so comfortable.  I’m on my side and my back doesn’t hurt for the moment.  I haven’t felt this relaxed in I don’t know how long.  I’m warm and I snuggle my head into the pillow.  I could stay in bed for a week and not feel bad about it.  Safe.  That’s the word for this.  I feel safe for the first time in five years.  I sigh with contentment. 

“Good morning.”

I start because Travis’s voice is right next to my ear, behind me.  My face burns up as I realize he’s on the pull out bed behind me and my pillow is his arm, quite close to his shoulder.  How long has he been here?  It wouldn’t do for his sister to walk in and find us in bed together.

I sit up and pointedly refuse to look at him.  I’m sure my face is fire engine red.  The sun is streaming through the windows of the small trailer.  I wonder what time it is.

“Sorry to frighten you.  I thought you knew I was here considering that you wouldn’t let go of me after that nightmare last night.”  He sits up next to me.

Nightmare?  Oh yeah.  I remember waking up screaming and Travis trying to calm me down.  I blush again as I remember clutching Travis while I bawled my eyes out.

“Hey, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” 

Says him.  I’ve never woken up in bed with a boy before.  Okay, so he’s on top of the blankets and we’re both wearing pajamas, but still!  Is it normal for me to feel so refreshed just because he was in bed with me?  Gah!  I can’t believe I’m wondering about this.  He’ll be gone soon enough and I’ll have to deal with my nightmares alone for who knows how long.  Sarah said she’d make sure I had something to help me sleep at night, maybe I just need to remember to take something and it will be enough to ward off the nightmares.

“Cathy’s going to be back soon.  Why don’t you jump in the shower and get dressed while I get the couch put back together?”

I nod and grab the bags of clothes off the table where Travis set them last night.  I have no idea which clothes are in which bag and I don’t want to get caught in the bathroom with only a top or only the bottoms of the next pair of pajamas I decide to wear.  I discard the bandages on my wrists, figuring that if they’ve stopped bleeding it should be okay to uncover them.  I think they’re going to scar permanently.  Oh well.  It’ll go with the rest of me at this point, I guess.  I get the brace off my shoulder and get ready to shower, intending to be quick.  I remember as I slide my shirt off that my back is still bandaged. 

Crap.  I can’t pull it off by myself and I’m sure it will need to be bandaged again once I’m done.  I slip the shirt back on and open the door to the bathroom.  Travis has already cleaned up the couch bed and is nowhere to be seen.  I move to the door he said was his and give it a tentative knock.

He opens the door, obviously in the middle of getting dressed as he’s only wearing a pair of pants.

Oh…

My…

Oh my… 

Oh, asking for his help just got a million times harder.  I had no idea he was so…muscular.  His clothes are certainly deceptive.  Ummmmmm……crap!  What was I going to ask?

“Did you need help with something?”

I nod and feel my cheeks start to burn.  Holy cow he’s so hot without his shirt on.  I can’t do this.  Brilliant time for my hormones to decide to kick in.

Fortunately he misreads my blush and says, “It’s your back, isn’t it?”

Again, I nod, more grateful for the out than he could ever imagine.

“Oh…um well I can help you with it or you can wait for Cathy.  She should be here any second.”

At that moment the door opens and Cathy calls out, “I’m home!  You two up yet?”

“Yeah, Cathy.  Hey, can you help with something?”

She comes back and says, “Sure, what do you need?”

Travis quickly explains about me needing help with the bandages on my back and asks if she can help me so I can shower.

“Of course.  Come on, hon.  Oh, and Travis?  Get dressed.  Mr. Gerant is coming over in a bit and he wants to talk to you.”

He disappears behind his door as I follow Cathy back to the bathroom.  She’s a little taller than I am, and again I wonder if it’s because of my treatment the last few years or if I was always going to be short.  I pull off my shirt and try not to flinch as she pulls off the bandages as carefully as she can.

The sharp intake of breath alerts me to the fact that she didn’t really understand what she was getting into by helping me.

“Oh, sweetie, what happened?”

I can’t answer her.  I turn to see a look of concern mingled with disbelief on her face.  I bite my lower lip and shrug my good shoulder.  I don’t have my paper and pen so I can’t really tell her and it seems Travis hasn’t filled her in on everything just yet. 

“Well, you let me know when you’re done and I’ll help you bandage it up again, okay?”

I nod, grateful that she isn’t going to press me for answers right now.  I wait for her to leave me alone before turning my back to the mirror and twisting my head around to get a look at my back.  It really does look like ground beef, but it isn’t bleeding, so I guess that’s good.  I slip into the shower and quickly realize that having my back to the water is not a good idea.  The pressure from the showerhead hits my sensitive back and makes it sting, so I quickly wash my hair and turn around to face the water while I get clean.  I wish the soap would take away the bruises that cover my body.  I don’t blame the girl at the fast food joint for assuming Travis beat me.  I look like it. 

Speaking of Travis…YUM!  Oh my goodness, is that image going to pop up every time I think his name?  I hope not because I’m pretty sure it will make me blush uncontrollably and I won’t be able to explain why…not that I’d want to.  It’s embarrassing enough as it is.

I finish in the shower, feeling completely free of dirt and grime for the first time in ages and towel off.  I start to pull on a blue set of pajamas and realize that I have no way to let Cathy know I’m ready for her to help me with my back.  I decide that the best solution is to slip on my shirt and go find her, rather than wait for someone to come looking for me.  I dump my dirty clothes into one of the bags; I can sort it out later, and step out of the bathroom. 

Travis and Cathy are sitting at the table with an older man.  He has dark hair that is just starting to get wisps of grey and a mustache.  His eyes are a dark brown and they seem to laugh as he talks.  Travis is facing my direction and he motions to Cathy as he sees me.

Cathy looks at me and says, “Are you ready for me to help you?”

I nod.  She excuses herself and takes me into her bedroom.

“There’s more room in here than the bathroom.  Do you have any ointment or anything I need to put on this before the bandages go on?”

I start to shake my head and suddenly remember the letter Sarah gave me to give to Cathy.  I search through the bag and give it to her.

She takes it and reads it quickly, frowning slightly as she does.  I wonder what Sarah wrote.  Her expression changes abruptly and she is smiling at me.

“Well, let’s get you patched up and go out to have a chat with Travis.  I want you to meet Mr. Gerant, the manager, as well, since you’ll be staying with me for a while and he likes to know what’s going on.”  She starts bandaging my back but keeps up a stream of one-sided conversation.  “The circus is like a big family and what affects one member affects everyone.  I don’t like the idea of leaving you in the trailer all day alone so maybe we can find an easy job for you to do until you’re healed up a bit.  Maybe you can help feed the animals or make popcorn or something.  Would you like that?”  She doesn’t wait for me to answer.  “You know, when Travis started here his job was to stand there while I threw knives at him.  You could do that if you’d prefer.”

Is she serious?  Why on Earth would anyone want someone else to throw knives at them?

“All done, dear.”                                                                     

I pull my shirt back on and fumble with my shoulder brace, managing to get it on before I follow her out to the table.  The manager gives me an appraising look, but it seems to be kindly meant.  There is no anger or judgment in his eyes.  I can see a little sorrow as his eyes trace the bruises on my face.

“Travis,” Cathy says as she sits, “I think you owe me an explanation.”  She waves me to the empty chair at the table and looks expectantly at Travis.

“Don’t make it sound like I intentionally didn’t tell you what was going on.  It was four in the morning and I’d been driving for seven hours.  I couldn’t put a coherent thought together and it wouldn’t have made sense.”

“Well, it’s not four in the morning anymore.  Tell me now.”

Travis hesitates.  He looks at me.  “Are you hungry?”

Oh yeah, I guess it has been a while since I ate anything.  I nod and he makes himself busy at the stove.  I sit there, unsure why I suddenly feel like a bug under a microscope.  Travis slides a mug of hot chocolate to me and turns back to the pan on the stove.  A few minutes later he puts a bowl of hot cereal in front of me.

“Travis quit stalling.  What’s going on?”

“Alright, Cathy.”  He looks at me.  “If you don’t want to hear this, you can go into the other room, okay?”  I nod.  “I mean it.  If you feel uncomfortable at all you just get up and leave, okay?”  Again, I nod.  He gives me a piercing look until I decide to busy myself with my breakfast.

“I’m not sure where to start with this.  For the past year the Interceptors have been trying to break up a human trafficking ring.  It started out with a lead to one organization but there have been so many twists in this case that thinking about it makes my head spin.  About a month ago we got a lead on a potential base for one of the higher ups, a man called Decart.  So we followed it and up until just over a week ago all our leads turned out to be dead ends.

“Then we got a break.  One of them slipped up during an interrogation and we got the location we’d been looking for.  When we got the go-ahead for the raid, it…didn’t go quite as we thought it would.”

I’m done eating by this point.  I set the spoon down and fold my hands in my lap.  Travis takes the opportunity to clear my bowl.  He seems to take an excruciatingly long time at the sink.

“Travis?” Cathy prompts.  The manager hasn’t said anything since I joined them, but he looks at Travis with an odd expression.

“Do you have any idea what we found, Catherine?  The attic was full of boxes and inside the boxes…”

What?  What was inside the boxes that I had to move when I first got to that crap hole?  He doesn’t turn around, but his shoulders slump.  Maybe I don’t want to know.

I can see him take a couple of very deep breaths as he leans over the sink.  “Pieces, Cathy.  Pieces of girls.  All sorted into different boxes by age and what piece it was, all in different states of decay.  It was horrific.  And the forensics team placed the girls between the ages of three and twenty-one.”

“Oh, Travis…”  Cathy is appalled and so am I.  “Who could do such a thing?”

I barely hear Cathy’s question and if Travis answers I definitely don’t hear it.  That…that could have happened to me…maybe that was the something drastic he had planned for me.  My breakfast churns in my stomach.  I think I’m going to be sick.  I dash from the table and barely make it to the toilet before my stomach violently rejects everything in it.  Even once my stomach is empty I dry heave for several minutes before I can sit back against the wall.  I draw my knees up and cry into my good arm.

It took me two weeks, working eight hours a day to move all the boxes in that attic.  I wonder that my curiosity didn’t make me look into them.  I realize that that was probably what he expected me to do.  I can tell you that had I known that was likely to be my fate, I would have cooperated with him much more readily.  What twist of fate kept me from looking?  My friends used to tease me mercilessly with the phrase “Curiosity killed the cat” to which I would cheekily reply, “Curiosity was a pit-bull!”

A hand gently brushes my shoulder and I flinch.  I slowly raise my head to see the manager kneeling next to me.  I have no idea how long I’ve been crying.

“There, there, petit, do not cry.  You are safe here.  Come now, dry your tears and come back out, yes?”

I find myself nodding.  His voice is deep and very soothing and I allow him to help me to my feet.  I take a minute to rinse out my mouth and wash my face.  I wish my toothbrush wasn’t in Cathy’s room, but I suppose I can just brush my teeth later.  His gentle hand on my shoulder guides me back to the table.

Travis is seated at the table again, looking grim and Cathy is next to him, concern written over all her features.  Travis stands and crosses to me as soon as he sees me.   

“I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have let you stay.  I should have insisted that you go watch TV or something.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  I shouldn’t have assumed that you knew about the attic.”

He thought I knew?  I guess in a sense, I did know about the attic, but not exactly what was in it.  He holds me at arm’s length and looks into my eyes, as if trying to see what else I don’t know about.  He finally closes his eyes and lets me go.

“You don’t have to sit here and listen to this.  I don’t think I’m telling them anything else you don’t already know.  You can go watch TV.”

I shake my head.  What could be worse than an attic full of body parts that I had to move around without knowing it?

He frowns at me.  “You’re sure?  I don’t want to add to your nightmares.”

I get them anyway.  What’s one or two more?   I shrug and sit at the table.  My hot chocolate is still there, so I take a sip to clear the taste of bile from my mouth.  It’s lukewarm chocolate at this point, but it still settles my stomach and my nerves.

Travis hesitates before sitting as well.

“So…um…anyway, I reported what I’d found and Roland sent me to find David and Matthew because they were supposed to search the lower levels and Roland wanted to know what they’d found.  When I found them, Matthew was arguing with ShÇŽo zhÇ” about her.”  He indicates me.  “I…I thought you were dead, given what I’d found and the way you looked and how limp you were in his arms.”

I vaguely remember these events as he’s telling them.  He tells about ShÇŽo zhÇ” setting my knee and the discovery of my back and the nightmares and the trip to the hospital that resulted in my damaged wrists and almost everything that happened at the hospital.  Everything that led to our flight to Cathy and the circus.

Catherine looks a little pale and the manager has a frown.  I sit there, looking down at the table.  I’m sure they’ll say that I can’t stay here, it’ll put everyone else at risk.  I think I’m glad that Travis didn’t tell them everything that I revealed to Sarah.  But maybe he doesn’t know.  It’s possible that Sarah and Matthew didn’t tell him.

“Travis, did you read this letter that Sarah sent to me?”

I look up.  He shakes his head.  “No.  Did she say something I should know about?”

“Well, not really, it’s just that she sent cash.  I don’t think we need it, will you take it back to her?”

“Hold onto it, Cathy.  You’ll need to pick her up some shoes and who knows what else.”

“But—”

“Cathy, it’s from an Interceptor account.  Normally we’d have given you a card, but we didn’t want to risk having it traced.  You let me know if you need more and I’ll get it to you.”

Cathy rolls her eyes.  “You’re so stubborn sometimes Travis.”

Travis smirks at her.  “I learned it from you.”

“You two quit squabbling or I’ll assign you to the elephants again.”  The manager shakes a finger at them.  “Don’t think you’re too old, either.”

“Speaking of the animals, how’re those new tiger cubs working out?”

“Not bad, they’re still a little young to be put into the ring but the training is going well.  Come and I’ll show them to you.”

Travis follows the manager out and Cathy looks at me.

“Do you want to try and eat something else?”

My stomach has stopped rolling so I give her a small nod. 

“Why don’t we try Sarah’s nutrient shake recipe?  I think we have everything for it.”

I watch as Cathy blends together ice, yogurt, strawberries, bananas, milk, vanilla, and a few other ingredients.  She sets a large glass of the shake in front of me and I just look at it.  There’s no way I can drink that much even if I wanted to.

“Oh, sorry, I guess you’re not that hungry, are you?”  She takes the shake and pours a bit into a smaller glass and sticks the rest into the freezer.  I drink a little.  It doesn’t taste bad for something that’s supposed to be overly healthy.  Usually stuff like that tastes like cardboard.

Cathy slips a pad of paper and a pencil in front of me.

“Sarah’s note said you don’t talk.  You can write things down, can’t you?”

I nod.

“Great.  I need to know your shoe size and your favorite color and your favorite foods and if there’s anything else you can think of that you need.”

Ummm…okay.  ‘Don’t know.  Green.  French Toast.  A coat?’

“You don’t know your shoe size?”

I shake my head.

“How can you not know?”

‘I haven’t worn shoes in over three years.’

Cathy stares at me.  I knew I shouldn’t have told her.  Now she’s going to pepper me with questions that I can’t answer and feel bad for me and it’s going to be totally uncomfortable to be in the same room with her.

“Well, then why don’t you try on a pair of mine and we’ll see how close the fit is?”  I almost miss the change in her expression it happens so fast. Before I know it she has pulled me to her room and is rummaging through the shoes in her closet. 

We find a pair that mostly fits, her feet are bigger than mine, but since they’re tennis shoes we tie the laces tighter to keep them on my feet.

“You can borrow these until we can get into town tomorrow and get you some that fit, okay?  Come on, I want to show you around a bit.”

She grabs my hand and I follow her outside and she points out the various tents.  She leads me behind the main tent to where the animals are kept.  Travis and the manager are there, looking into a cage and speaking, but I don’t catch what they’re saying.  Cathy takes me over to the horses and gives me a bag of oats to bribe them closer.  She laughs as she guides my hand over their soft noses.  I’ve never touched a horse before.  They’re a little intimidating up close, but they’re friendly and rub their faces against my hand.

“Oh, Travis, I needed to talk to you for a minute.”  I turn my head and see that the manager is gone.

“What is it Cathy?”  He turns and heads towards us.

“We’ll be right back, dear.  You take your time and get to know the horses.  You’ll probably get to help with them so it’ll be good if you’re comfortable around them.”

I nod as she walks with Travis a short distance away.  I’m sure they’re talking about me.  Why else wouldn’t they just talk right here?  Oh well.  Travis already told her almost everything he knows about me and unless Sarah told her something else, their conversation won’t take very long.

I turn my attention back to the horses and have just gotten one to eat some oats out of my hand when someone grabs my shoulder and whips me around, making me drop the bag of oats.

“Just WHAT do you think you’re doing?” a large, angry looking man demands.  He has a thin mustache and beady black eyes.

I cower against the horse enclosure.  I dart a look at where I saw Cathy and Travis last and they aren’t there.  Why did they have to disappear just now?

“Well?  Answer me!”

“Johnson!  Leave her alone.”

“But, Sir, she’s messing with the horses!”

“She has my permission to be here.  You leave her be and get back to work.  I’ll discuss it with you later.”

Johnson glares at me before turning and stalking off.

The manager comes over to me.  “Are you all right, petit?”

I nod warily. 

“Don’t be afraid.  Johnson gets a little big for his britches sometimes.  Why don’t we find Cathy, yes?”

I allow him to put his hand on my shoulder and guide me around the edge of the tent and we see Travis and Cathy having a discussion.  Discussion might be the wrong word for it.  She’s talking, he’s listening.  I think I’d rather not go close enough to hear what they’re saying, but the manager urges me forward.

“…better nail him or I’ll go after him myself!  I can’t believe anyone could do something like this!  It’s absolutely unforgivable!”

“Cathy, calm down.  I know how you feel and we’re doing everything we can.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!  What if that had been me?”

The manager clears his throat.  “Ahem.  Sorry to interrupt.”

They look at us.  It’s clear they hadn’t seen us approach.  I look down. 

“What’s wrong, hon?” Cathy asks, lifting my chin so I’m looking at her.

“She had a run-in with Johnson and I think he scared her.  Don’t worry, I’ll deal with him.  Cathy, maybe it’s not a good idea to leave her to herself right off.  At least until the others know she’s supposed to be here, yes?”

Great.  Now Cathy’s in trouble because of me.  She’ll be mad at me now.  I look down.

“Of course, I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think of that.”

“And you come to me if anyone gives you trouble, okay?”  I look up a little at the manager’s words.

I nod and he leaves.

“Johnson didn’t hurt you did he?”

I shake my head.  She gives me a stern look that could give Roland a run for his money.  “You’d tell me if he did?”

I nod.  Her expression softens.  Maybe she isn’t mad at me.  “Okay.  Hey, I’ve got rehearsal soon.  D’you want to come watch or go back to the trailer?”

Confession time.  I’ve never been to the circus.  Sure I’ve read about them and seen them in movies like Dumbo, but I’ve never actually been to a real live circus.

I give her a small smile and look at the tent.

“Great.  Come on Travis, you can see the new act.”  She heads towards the tent and Travis and I follow.

“Just so you know, I’m leaving first thing in the morning,” he says to me as we walk.  “I wanted you to know in case she forgets to tell you.”

I nod.  I’d wondered how long he was going to stay since Roland made the comment about it being suspicious if one of them went missing.

“Cathy’s…well, she means well, but she’s a bit forgetful and sometimes says things without thinking about them.  Don’t let her make you feel like you need to start talking.  She’ll probably talk just because you’re there to listen, but she won’t be offended if you don’t talk back, okay?”

I nod again.  We’re inside the tent and he leads me to a row of seats near the front.  Not the front row, but three rows back.  There is already an act in progress.  The seats are simple benches with no backs on them, but they’re on risers so that those in the back can see over people in the front.  Travis lounges back, putting his feet up on the benches in front of us and leaning on the benches behind us as we watch.  I kind of want to lean back, but I think I’m too short to reach the bench behind us and my back would probably kill me if I did.  I settle for putting my feet on the bench in front of us.

The acts are amazing, at least to me.  I can’t tell if Travis agrees or not because he just looks bored.  But then, he’s probably seen these acts a million times.  He’s probably performed most of them if what Matthew told me is true.  Cathy does an act on the high wire.  I’m impressed.  I think I’d pass out if I was that high off the ground with nothing but a flimsy rope under my feet and an equally flimsy looking net under me. 

After getting her notes from the stage manager, Cathy joins us and asks if I liked it.  I nod.  We head back to the trailer and Cathy and Travis make dinner.  I don’t know how to help so I sit at the table and watch.  Cathy defrosts a bit of the nutrient shake but also hands me a small plate of macaroni and cheese.

“Sarah’s letter said you can start to add heavier foods into your diet.  I’ll trust you to decide how much you can safely eat.”  Cathy winks at me.

I’m glad that she, like Travis and Matthew, doesn’t baby me.  I eat but by the time the meal is done, I’m fighting off a yawn.

“Travis, go set up the couch for her, I’ll get the dishes.”

Travis moves into the other room to do as Cathy says and I try to help with the dishes.

“No, don’t worry about these, I’ve got them.”  I feel bad for not helping at all since I’ve been here.  Maybe once Travis is gone she’ll let me help.  How can I earn my keep if she doesn’t?  “Before you go to bed, Sarah’s letter suggested using a sleep aid to keep you from having nightmares.  Maybe you should try one tonight.  If it doesn’t work then Travis can talk to Sarah when he goes back and she can suggest something else.”

That makes sense.  I nod and go through the orange bottles in my bag until I find the right one.  I read the instructions, no point in poisoning myself on top of everything else.  I’m glad that the search for the bottle kept Cathy and Travis from looking at me too closely because the thought that I need to find a way to sleep without Travis set my face on fire.  Between waking up in bed with him and seeing him half naked I’m a little relieved he’ll be gone, if only so I don’t have to fight a blush every time I see him.  Stupid hormones.

I take the pill and settle down on the bed.  I barely register Cathy and Travis telling me goodnight and I’m out.

18: Chapter 18

Chap. 18

I wake up to the sound of Cathy in the kitchen.  I pull myself off the bed and make my way to where she is.

She turns with a smile.  “Morning, sleepyhead.  Want some breakfast?”

I nod and sit at the table.  Cathy gives me some more of the nutrient shake.  I swallow a bit, grateful for it because my mouth is dry.  Not as dry as the drugs at the hospital made it, but I think it may have something to do with the sleep aid.  Maybe I just don’t react well to any drugs. 

Cathy slides a plate of French toast dusted with powdered sugar in front of me.  “Eat up, we’ve got a big day of shopping ahead of us,” she says with a smile.

I grin back at her and manage to eat a slice and a half.  I’m a bit concerned that I might have pushed it a little, but French toast is my favorite and it tasted so yummy I couldn’t help myself.  Cathy won’t let me help with the dishes again.  That’s a little annoying.  I want to help and she won’t let me.  She’s been so kind.

The thought makes me freeze.  He was kind sometimes, too…especially when he wanted something.  No, I tell myself.  No.  Cathy isn’t like that.  Travis isn’t like that.  The manager isn’t like that.  If any of them were going to do something, they would have done it by now.  I force myself to deny the negative thoughts.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t consider these people friends, but they’re not out to hurt me. 

“So, do you have something other than pajamas to wear?  I can let you borrow something if you need to.”  She looks up from drying a plate and I shake my head and go into the living room to find the clothes Sarah bought for me.  I hear Cathy’s footsteps behind me and turn around with the bag of clothes in my hand.

“Oh, of course.  Did you want to shower this morning?”  I nod and Cathy moves to help me with my back.  “You know, I think this looks better today than it did yesterday.  Let me know when you’re ready for my help again.” 

I nod and head into the bathroom.  I check my back in the mirror.  Doesn’t look any different to me.  The water still stings, but maybe not as much as yesterday.  I hurry to get clean and dress in the too large jeans and a dark blue t-shirt.  I kind of wish Sarah had gotten me long sleeved shirts because my arms are still really bruised.  My face is, too, but…I sigh.  I’m just going to have to deal with this until it goes away.

I find Cathy in her room, pulling up her hair.  She helps me with my back and I decide that if I’m going out in public, I’m going to wear a bra today.  Not that I can’t get away with going commando, I’m barely a B (okay, more like an A and a half), but I just don’t feel completely dressed without underwear.  The straps are a little uncomfortable on my back and shoulder, but I’ll deal with it.  Maybe it won’t be so bad once I’ve had it on for a while.  I struggle with the brace but manage to get it in place.

Cathy helps me pull my hair into a ponytail and then looks me over, frowning slightly.  “You’re going to get a lot of looks today.  Do you want to put this off?”

Wow, she’s giving me the chance to hide.  But then I think: what if I have to run off in the middle of the night again?  Not that I’m planning to, of course.  I kind of want shoes, just in case.  Besides Cathy’s shoes are just too big and they hurt my feet to walk in.

I shake my head.  Besides, it might be nice to go shopping since I haven’t been able to for five years.  I snatch the paper and pen in case she asks me something that isn’t ‘yes or no’ and we leave.  Cathy turns on the radio as she drives.  I don’t recognize any of the songs.  That sucks.  Normally I’d be singing my head off whether I was on key or not.

Normally.  What does that mean to me now?  My normal for the last five years has been a nightmare of orders and beatings and attempted rape.  I shiver.  Once he’s out of the picture for good, I can attempt something that resembles normal.  For now I have to be on my guard.  I make myself so paranoid that as we pull into the parking lot of the strip mall, I wonder if I should have chosen to stay at the trailer. 

The strip mall is small and somewhat rundown.  The town it’s located in is not large and has an ‘old-time Main Street’ feel to it.  I kind of wonder if everybody knows everybody…which means that I will stick out like a (literally) sore thumb.  Oh, why did I ever think going shopping was a good idea?

Cathy parks and turns off the car.  “You sure you want to do this today?” 

I look at her.  She’s concerned.  I flip down the sun shade and check my face in the mirror.  Yup, still look like someone beat the heck out of me.  But I guess since that’s what happened I should just own it.  I can’t hide forever.  Wow, where did that burst of confidence come from?  Might as well go with it.

I nod to her and unbuckle my seatbelt.  She smiles at me and we get out of the car.  She slides her arm around my shoulders and we wander into the mall.  We stop at the mall directory and Cathy takes note of which shoe stores are available and asks me about some other stores she’d like to visit and was there anywhere else I’d like to go.  I shrug.  I’ve always been more of an impulse-buying window shopper.  If something catches my eye, I’ll just get her attention.

Cathy sticks right next to me as we head towards a shoe store.  I try not to notice the looks I get, but when moms are scolding their children for staring, it’s a little hard.  We pass a shop and I notice a hoodie in the window.  It’s a simple black hoodie, but the back has a pattern of wings on it that’s only visible in the right light.  It’s pretty sweet.

“You don’t have a jacket, either, do you?” Cathy asks.

I shake my head.

She smiles and grabs my good arm, pulling me into the store.  “Come on.  You need one so it might as well be one you like.”

She pulls a hoodie off the rack and has me try it on.  The sleeves go almost down to my knees.  “Hmm….maybe that’s a little too big.  Try this one.”

We find one that’s a little closer to my size, but still a size up.  “Sarah said to get you some clothes that are a little big,” Cathy explains to me.

I happen to notice the price tag and start to put the hoodie back.

“What are you doing?  You like that one, don’t you?”

I nod.  “So get it.”  I point out the price tag and shake my head.  “Don’t worry about that.  The Interceptors can afford it.”  She snatches the hoodie from me and starts wandering around the rest of the store, asking if there’s anything else I want.  I find a couple of long sleeved t-shirts and we get those, too.  Cathy pays for them and asks the clerk if I can wear one of the shirts out of the store.  The clerk takes one dubious look at me and agrees.  I slip into the changing room and put on one of the long-sleeved shirts.  It won’t cover the bruises on my face, but at least my arms are hidden.  I’m getting better with this stupid shoulder brace.  It doesn’t take near as long to do up this time.

I come out and hear Cathy telling the clerk some wild story about how I survived a car accident or something and the clerk smiles at me.  “Feel better soon,” she says cheerfully as we leave.  I roll my eyes and glare at Cathy once we’re out of the store.

“What?  Did you want me to let her think your boyfriend beat you?”

Well…no.  I guess that would be worse.  And with the shoulder brace I guess a car accident is as plausible a story as any. 

We find our way to several shoe stores before I find a pair of shoes that I like and that are comfortable.  After not wearing shoes for so long they have to be comfortable or I know I won’t bother to wear them.  We stop at a few stores that Cathy wants to go in as well and she buys some new earrings and bracelets.  We stop at a makeup counter and she grabs a couple of test strips, holding them against a small patch of unbruised skin to find a foundation match.

“I bet we could cover most of these.  They’re starting to fade anyway and I’m sure you could use some makeup to wear when you feel like it, right?”

Wow.  Makeup?  Mom always said I couldn’t wear it until I was 16.  My gut drops at the thought.  My parents don’t care what happens to me.  So screw whatever rules they might have had.  I’m getting makeup, even though technically since I’m 19 I’m not breaking her rule.  Oh well.  I want makeup anyway. 

Cathy helps me pick out a few shades that go well with my skin tone and we get a couple of eye shadows, eye liner, lipstick, lip liner and blush.  I’m sure Cathy will show me how to use each one later because I really don’t want to look like a hooker or a clown.  Although, if I did end up looking like a clown maybe I’d fit in better at the circus.

“I’m hungry.  Let’s hit the food court.”

The food court has a wide variety of choices for how small the mall is.  Cathy lets me choose what I want and after a few minutes, I decide on pizza.  The last time I had a hot slice of pizza was at a sleepover with Tanya and Courtney, the weekend before I was taken.  The food court’s pizza is greasy, New York style and the slices are huge.  I end up cutting mine in half and I still can’t finish.  The rest of my pizza goes into a container to take back with us. 

“All right.  Anything else you can think of that we need?”

I shake my head.

“Well, we have time so would you like to go to a movie?”

A movie?  In a theater?  With popcorn?  I pull out the paper and write, ‘Is there anything good playing?’

“Well, there’s a movie I’ve been wanting to see.  It’s a romantic comedy about a guy who likes a girl but she likes someone else and the someone else she likes has a crush on him and…oh I guess it’ll make sense in the context of the show.  Do you want to go?”

That might be a fun movie, so I nod.  The theater in the mall is playing the movie so we cart our purchases into the theater and settle in.  Cathy tells me to stay put and she leaves me.  I’m not sure I like that.  It’s a theater and there are other people, but the trailers are playing so it’s a little dark.  What if she forgets where we’re sitting and can’t find me?  What if someone recognizes who I am and takes me again?  What if…she comes back with popcorn and sodas?

I’m so relieved when Cathy gets back.  I’m a little glad it’s dark because then maybe she won’t notice my nervousness.

“Sorry that took so long, there was a line.  Hope you like butter on your popcorn.”  She sets the tub between us and I eat a few handfuls as the movie goes on.  It’s good, but I think I’ve eaten too much today.  My stomach is feeling a little full and it’s uncomfortable to sit there by the end of the movie.  The movie ends and the lights come up.

“What’d you think?” Cathy asks, turning to me.  “Hey, are you okay, hon?”  She puts a hand on my forehead.  “You look a little flushed, do you feel okay?”

I shake my head.  My stomach really hurts.  I probably shouldn’t have eaten the pizza…or the popcorn. 

“Come on, let’s get you home.”  Cathy grabs all the shopping bags and I follow her.  My stomach just hurts worse and worse.  I reach out and jerk on Cathy’s sleeve to get her attention.  She turns.  I point at the restroom and she nods, following me inside.  For the second time in two days, I throw up.  This sucks.  I hate throwing up.  Maybe I should follow Sarah’s suggested food list a little closer.

When I think it’s safe, I leave the stall and head to the sink to rinse out my mouth.  I notice my reflection and I look really pale, even for me.  It just makes my bruises look worse.  Cathy looks really concerned.  I follow her out and she stops at an ice cream shop.  I just want to get back to the trailer.  She orders me a mint chocolate shake and gets something for herself.

“Here, hon, the mint should help settle your stomach.”

I take it and sip at it as we go to the car.  The mint does help a little.  Once we’re on the road I curl up in the seat.  I sleep the entire way back.

19: Chapter 19

Chap. 19

“Thanks, Sarah, I’ll keep you posted.”

I feel a cool washcloth bathe my face and force my eyes open.  Cathy looks relieved.

“Hey, hon, feeling any better?”

No.  I feel lousy.  I shake my head.

“Sarah said to let you sleep and to keep you hydrated.”

Cathy props me up and holds a glass of cool water to my mouth.  I drink a little, but I’m so tired.  I can’t keep my eyes open.

20: Chapter 20

Chap. 20

I’m too hot.  I push off the blankets.  Now I’m too cold.  Someone puts a blanket over me.  That feels okay…until I get hot again.

Ugh.  And on top of that my tummy hurts!  I know I’m whiny and I sound like I’m five, but I don’t care.  I don’t feel good.  And I can’t get comfortable.

I toss and turn until sleep finally reclaims me.

21: Chapter 21

Chap. 21

It’s quiet.  Really quiet.  I open my eyes.  I don’t recognize where I am.  I sit up in bed.

Wait.  When did I get into bed?  For that matter…whose bed is this?

Don’t panic.  Let’s see.  I was shopping with Cathy.  We went to a movie.  I got sick.  I fell asleep in the car. 

But after that?  I’m not sure.  It’s…hazy.  Oh, where’s Cathy?

I decide to get up and see if I can at least find out where I am.  Somehow I’m in pajamas.  I guess that beats waking up naked and not knowing where you are.

I put my feet on the floor and attempt to stand up.  I say attempt because I don’t actually manage it.  My legs are so shaky that I flop back onto the bed.

Okay.  I take a deep breath and check out my surroundings instead.  The bed is full sized with white and blue striped sheets and a blue comforter.  The room isn’t that big and the bed takes up most of it.  There’s a dresser with nothing on the top and a small low bookshelf with two shelves full of books.  The curtain is over the window, but there is light peeking through at the edges, so it’s daytime.

That doesn’t tell me much.  I still don’t really know where I am.  It isn’t Cathy’s room in the trailer.  So where…wait a second.  Please don’t tell me this is Travis’s room.

The thought that I just woke up in Travis’s bed makes my face burn.

Get it together, I tell myself.  That may not be the case.  Just go out the door and you’ll know for sure.

My little pep talk seems to work because this time I manage to get to my feet, even though I’m still shaky, and I shuffle to the door.  I open the door a little and peer out.  I don’t see anyone, but it’s definitely Travis’s room.

Great.

I realize I need to take care of business and make my way to the bathroom.  As I wash my hands, I study my reflection in the mirror.  I’m still pale, but not as pale as I was at the mall, so that’s good I guess.

The bruises on my face and neck have started to turn yellow and green.  At least I’m healing.  I guess I should be basically bruise free by the end of another week.

I stumble towards the kitchen.  My feet don’t want to keep up with the rest of me.  I stop short when I see who’s sitting at the kitchen table.

He’s HUGE.  I know I’m not that tall, but…holy cow!  He’s huge, bald and he gives new meaning to the term muscle shirt.  His muscles are so big I doubt he can put his arms down straight.  He has a big bushy black mustache and he looks up when my breath catches.

“Ahhh…you are awake.  Do not be afraid.  Catherine will be back momentarily.”

His accent is thick and I’m sure I’ve never heard it before.  He watches me with what looks like curiosity in his blue eyes.

“Catherine said you would be hungry.”  He rises and I instinctively step backwards.  How his head doesn’t hit the ceiling I’ll never know.  He frowns at me.

“Do not have fear of me.  I am the strong man for the side show, but I will not harm you.” 

I watch as he goes to the freezer and pulls out my shake.  He puts some of it into a small glass and holds it out to me.

I stare at it for a second before reaching out a shaking hand and taking it.  He beams at me.

“Ah, yes, now we are friends.”  He puts the rest of the shake into the freezer and sits at the table.  He gestures for me to sit as well, but I don’t.

“Mr. Gerant said you are shy.  My stage name is Massive Marvin the Magnificent!”  He says his name with a great deal of pride, as if he’s selling his own show.  “But to my friends, I am Torvald.  What is your name?”

I look down at my shake and drink some to avoid answering him.  I decide that Cathy has the best timing ever because she comes in just then.

“Ah Catherine!  How did it go?”  I look at her.  She must have come from a rehearsal because she’s wearing her costume.

“Great, Tor.  Thanks for your help.”

“Is no trouble.  Anytime.”  He smiles at me as he stands to leave.  “I am glad you are feeling better.  I will see you again soon, yes?" 

I guess if I’m staying at the circus for a while I’ll see him around, so I nod.  He beams at me and lets himself out of the trailer.

“Sorry I had to leave you.  We had a matinee today.”

Well that makes sense.  It explains her being in costume.

“You look much better.  I talked to Sarah and she thinks you must have picked up a bug.”  Cathy goes on to explain that since I’ve been hidden away for so long my immune system hasn’t been exposed to a lot of the germs that have been floating around, so being out at the mall made me sick.

Great.  When do they issue me a bubble?

“Do you want anything to go with your shake?”

Toast would be nice, but I’m not sure how to tell her that.  I have no idea what happened to my paper and pen.

“I know, how about a grilled cheese sandwich?”

That works, too.  I nod.

“Great.  Give me just a second to change out of this and I’ll make you one.”

She disappears into her room and I take my shake and curl up on the couch, grabbing the remote.  I can cook, but I don’t know where anything is in Cathy’s kitchen.  Even if I did know, I don’t think I could cook without burning myself.  I am still shaky, a fact made obvious as I aim the remote and start flipping through channels.  I don’t recognize any of the shows so I settle for the news channel.

Adira Kensington…or is it Beaumont now?  Wait…did she get a divorce?  Whatever.  She’s giving a press conference…again.  You know, it’s funny, but in five years she’s hardly changed and she’s giving the same speech.   Ever since the last World War, politics are different.  Since everyone is actually trying to get along these days, everyone is pitching in to upgrade and rebuild all the poorer communities in the world.  Some cities were completely destroyed during the war and five years ago they were still debating which ones to rebuild and which to memorialize as reminders of the horrors of war.  We kind of studied it in school, but I didn’t find it interesting then and even now I’m not really interested in what she’s talking about.  Something to do with rejuvenating Detroit and the funding the project needs.

I’m about to change the channel when I notice two of Adira’s security agents.  Roland and David are standing just behind Governor Pinkness, as Tanya would call her (seriously though, does that woman own any clothes that aren’t pink?), and I have to admit that they are both quite attractive in the Interceptors Uniform.

Cathy comes out, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, and glances at the television.

She grins at me.  “You know, if I wasn’t so fond of the circus life I’d have Travis hook me up with one of his Interceptor buddies.  I swear that being hot is part of the job description.”

I grin back at her and hope I’m not blushing.  The five agents I’ve met are all cute, even if two of them scare me to death.

“I can’t imagine her speech is anything new.  Why don’t you give me a hand with lunch instead?”

Hitting the power button on the remote I nod and get to my feet.

“So did you ever learn how to cook?”

I nod.  I had to cook some of his meals, but I was never allowed to eat anything I cooked.  He told me that if I could cook and clean he would see to it that I stayed with him instead of being sent to Decart, who, I was assured, was ten times worse than he was.  That fear was probably the only reason I learned to cook.

Even now as I try to make something as simple as a grilled cheese sandwich, my hands start to shake.  Every time I made something it had to be just so or, you guessed it, I got beat.

You know, I’ve started to understand just how screwed up he’s made me.  I mean, I know I was screwed up; I was abused for five years.  But making a sandwich shouldn’t make me have a panic attack.

Cathy takes the spatula from me and I jump.  I hadn’t realized that I was lost in my thoughts.  She smiles at me as she flips the sandwiches.

“It’s okay.  You don’t have to be afraid, you’re not in trouble.”

I let her take over the sandwiches and I sink into a chair at the table.  I stare at the table in front of me and notice there’s a drop of water on it.  I brush it away absently and notice another one.  I’m brushing that one away when a third drop lands on my hand and I realize I’m crying…again.

Cathy sets a plate in front of me and lifts my chin.  “Hey, what’s this?”  She searches my face and not for the first time I wish I could force myself to talk.  It would be so much easier if she just knew why I react the way that I do.  “I’m sorry I upset you.”  Her voice is quiet.

It isn’t her.  But I have no way to tell her.  I don’t know what happened to the paper and pen.  I settle for shaking my head and hastily wipe my eyes.  She stands there with one hand on a hip and the other at her mouth, regarding me thoughtfully. 

“He attacked you in the kitchen, didn’t he?”

I flinch at the word ‘attacked,’ but I nod.  He made it a point to beat me at least once in every room of that house, but I think the kitchen was his favorite.  It had lots of things he could hit me with and throw.  I know now that he wanted me to fear every part of that Hell. 

Cathy’s look is one of pity and a hint of worry.  She clearly has no idea how to handle this.  I’m afraid I can’t help her because I’m just as new to this as she is.  I have no idea what will trigger a flashback or elicit a reaction.

She sits next to me and gives my hand a squeeze.  “Travis won’t let him get away with this.  You’re safe here.  Mr. Gerant, Torvald and I won’t let anything happen to you.  Even Johnson, as crotchety as he is, wouldn’t want to see you hurt, okay?”

I nod.

“Now, why don’t you eat?  You must be starving.  And after that you can shower and change and I’ll bet you feel tons better.”

I nod and reach for my sandwich.  She eats her sandwich as well, leaving silence.  I’m okay with that.  I let my thoughts run as I eat.

I find that I want to tell Cathy everything.  From when I got picked up to the beatings and the threats and how I was saved and how afraid I am that he’ll come after me and hurt everyone who helped me.  I realize I want to tell her because I…I trust her.

But I cannot find the words.  They don’t want to come out.  The fear that he’ll get me back and punish me for talking overrides my desire to tell her everything.  Maybe someday I’ll be able to tell her and thank her.

“So I was thinking.  There’s another show tonight.  Would you like to go?”

Would I!  It sounds like a ton of fun.  I nod and give her a small smile.

She smiles back at me.  “Great.  If you’re done I’ll help you with your back and you can get cleaned up.”

I follow her into Travis’s room.

“Your clothes are in the top two drawers and I hung up some things in the closet.  Don’t worry, Travis doesn’t mind if you use his room.  He’s not going to need it for a while.”

Umm…that’s good, I guess.  At least I’m not kicking him out or anything.

Cathy pulls the bandages off my back and clicks her tongue.  I turn and give her a questioning look.

“I’m going to call Sarah about your back.  I just want to make sure it’s red because it’s healing and not getting infected.”

Infected?  Great.  Just what I need.  I nod and grab what I need for the shower.  As soon as I’m in the bathroom I twist my head and get a glimpse of my back in the mirror.  What I see isn’t reassuring.

I shower and, even though it hurts, I make sure to clean my back thoroughly.  I get out and get Cathy’s attention so she can rebandage my back.

“I called Sarah,” she tells me as she starts to bandage me up.  “She’s pretty sure it just looks this way because it’s healing, but she said to let her know if your back starts to get worse.”

I nod and try not to flinch.  She’s trying to be careful, but I scrubbed it pretty raw, so it’s tender.  She finishes and I go back to Travis’s room to finish getting dressed.  I’m tired already.  Being sick did a number on my already taxed system.

I wonder if I should stay here tonight instead of seeing the show.  I mean, if I’m going to be here for a while, which seems likely, I can go another day and I’d probably enjoy it more.  Maybe all I need is a nap.  The show won’t start for a few hours anyway.

22: Chapter 22

Chap. 22

It’s dark.  I wonder what time it is.  I get out of bed and move as silently as I can.  I don’t want to wake up Cathy.  I open the door and notice that the light is on in the kitchen.  It looks like I don’t have anything to worry about.  I hope she isn’t mad that I fell asleep.

When I get to the kitchen, Cathy isn’t there.  But Johnson is.  You know, the guy that yelled at me for getting close to the horses.  Unfortunately he sees me before I can get back to Travis’s room.

“Hello.  Catherine should be back as soon as her act is over.”

I nod and take a step backwards, fully intending to run back to the safety of the bedroom.

“I’m sorry I startled you the other day.”

I nod and shrug.  What else can I do?  It isn’t like he’s going to be the person I decide to start talking to.

He looks at me.  “You really don’t talk, do you?”

I shake my head.

He grunts.  “Mr. Gerant said as much but I didn’t believe it.”

There is a heavy knock on the door that makes me jump.  I slide around the thin wall that separates the kitchen/front door from the rest of the trailer.

I hear Johnson go to the door and open it.

“Ah, Johnson.  I can take from here if you like.”

“Dammit Torvald, you scared her back into hiding with all that banging on the door you did.”

I peek around the corner to see Johnson dwarfed by the Strong Man.  Poor Torvald.  He looks upset.  Then he sees me peeking and a huge grin erupts on his face.

“Ah, kirimek!  See Johnson, she is not scared.  We are friends, yes?”

I guess so.  I decide to take a step out from behind the wall and Torvald smiles even bigger.  I didn’t think that was possible.

“Are you hungry, kirimek?”

I nod.  Torvald goes to the freezer and pulls out the last of the shake Cathy made up and hands it to me.

“So, kirimek, are you choosing today to begin talking?”

I shake my head.  I can’t talk until I know he can’t come after me again.  I know it’s stupid, but if he ever gets his hands on me and finds out that I told anyone anything, I don’t know what he’d resort to as punishment.

“Why do you call her that?”

Huh?  Torvald was calling me something?

“She has given me nothing else to call her.”

“Well, what does it mean?  Cathy won’t abide you calling her anything mean.”

Torvald frowns.  “It is not mean.  Kirimek is a word in my native tongue.  It means ‘Hush’.”

I think this over as I work on the shake.  It certainly is nicer than the name my parents gave me.  Or maybe I only think that since they basically disowned me.

I notice it has gotten really quiet.  I look up to find Torvald and Johnson frowning at me.

“Are you alright?” Johnson asks quietly.

I nod, wondering why they’re even asking.

Torvald’s hand brushes my cheek and I realize he is wiping away a tear.

“This would suggest otherwise,” he says gently.  “Did we upset you?”

I shake my head.

“Maybe you do not like me calling you Kirimek.  I am sorry.”

No, that’s not why.  I frown and shake my head, hoping he will understand.

Torvald’s brows come together as he puzzles out my reaction.  “Do you want me to call you Kirimek?”

I give him a small smile and nod.

“Well that’s progress anyway,” Johnson mutters under his breath.

I yawn.  How can I be tired?  I just woke up!

Torvald brushes his hand across my forehead and frowns.  “You seem a little warm.  I am thinking it is time for you to sleep now.  You will feel better in the morning.”

He takes the empty glass from me and turns to the sink.  Something about the strong man doing the dishes just strikes me as funny, but instead of laughing, I decide to go to bed.

“Good night, Kirimek.  May you sleep sweet.”

I smile to myself, but I don’t let them see.  Maybe Cathy was right about Johnson and Torvald after all.

23: Chapter 23

Chap. 23

I’ve started to get the hang of the routine here at the circus.  Mornings are spent practicing and afternoons are spent getting the grounds cleaned up and ready for the customers to arrive.  There are early matinees on Saturdays.  Evenings there are performances.  After the performances, the animals are taken care of and everyone goes to bed.  Being a circus, we change location every few days.  I think Cathy said the longest they stayed anywhere was a week.  I wonder if Travis considered this before suggesting I stay with Cathy.  I’m sure he did.  I don’t mind moving because it might help to keep Perdu…Chase…whoever he really is, off my trail.

It’s hard to believe I’ve only been here for a month.  Helping out around the circus seems like second nature to me.  Everyone knows that I don’t talk, so they’re careful to ask ‘yes or no’ questions.  I think being here has been good for me.  I don’t jump at every little noise anymore.  I’ve gotten over being sick and my bruises are gone.  I got rid of the brace on my shoulder a few days ago and my back has healed really well.  There are still a few scabs, but it doesn’t hurt and it didn’t scar as badly as I was afraid it would.

The clothes that Sarah bought me fit a little better now, too.  Cathy has reassured me that I’m not getting fat, and I know that I’m not, but it’s still a little unnerving to find that your clothes are getting smaller. 

Oh, and I finally got to watch the circus perform.  It was AWESOME!  Cathy made sure I sat in the front row and I could have sworn that Torvald winked at me as he did his act.  The manager asked me if I saw anything I wanted to learn and Cathy told him she was going to teach me how to throw knives and to walk the tight rope.  I’m not so sure about the tight rope as I’m not a big fan of heights, but maybe it won’t be so bad once I get used to it. 

I’ve been helping with the ticket booth.  No, I haven’t started talking yet.  Mostly I run errands and get coffee for the performers and the roustabouts.  And I help to count the cash intake at the end of the night.  Torvald and Johnson made it very clear that no one was to give me a hard time about anything so things have been pretty nice so far.

I’ve found an unexpected…ally in Johnson.  He really isn’t so bad once you get to know him.  Johnson has also been letting me help with the horses.  I’m not strong enough to handle them when they decide to be difficult, so I can’t do too much with them.  It’s part of my job to feed them.  I love rubbing their soft, velvety noses.  Johnson told me that he’ll teach me to ride if I want.  I think I’m going to take him up on that.

“Kiri!  Where did you go?”

Cathy’s calling me.  I come out of the horse enclosure, making sure to close it tightly and make my way over to her. 

“There you are.  Have you seen Johnson anywhere?”

I shake my head.  I haven’t seen him all morning.

“Well, if you happen to see him, let him know the manager’s looking for him.”

I nod.

Cathy is suddenly grabbed from behind and swung around.

“PUT ME—Oh!  Travis!  You didn’t tell me you were coming!”  Travis puts Cathy down and she throws her arms around his neck, planting a kiss on his cheek.  I know that she’s missed him, even if she hasn’t said so. 

“Sarah sent us to check up on the girl.”  Matthew stands next to Travis.

“Hello, Matthew.”

Is it just me or is Cathy not overly happy to see Matthew?

“Hello, Catherine,” Matthew greets her, ducking his head a little.  I wonder why.  He seems almost…afraid of her.

“Cathy—” Travis frowns at her.

Cathy sighs and puts her hands up in surrender.  “You’re right, I’m sorry.  One of these days I’ll be over it.”

“It’s okay, Cathy,” Matthew assures her, but he still seems a little trepidacious.

Now I’m curious.  What did Matthew ever do to Cathy?

“So where is she?” Travis asks, diverting their attention.

“She was just—” Cathy turns and sees me behind her.  “There you are, Kiri.”

Matthew and Travis just stare at me.  Did the horses drool on me or something?  They start talking at the same time.

“She told you her name?!”
“I never would have recognized her!”

Cathy makes them stop talking over each other.  “HOLD IT!  One at a time!”  She smiles at me.  “Shall we go inside and fill them in?”  I nod and Cathy laughs.  “Come on, then.”

Once we’re all inside the trailer with glasses of lemonade, Cathy lets them talk.

“When did you tell Cathy your name?” Travis asks me.

“She hasn’t,” Cathy tells him.  “Torvald started calling her Kirimek and the rest of us picked it up and shortened it a bit.”

Matthew looks thoughtful.  “Does it mean something?”

“Torvald says it means ‘Hush’ in Azerbaijani.”

Matthew looks at me.  “Do you like it?”  I nod and he grins at me.  “It suits you.”

I feel my cheeks redden a little and take a sip of my lemonade in an effort to hide it.

“So, Kiri…” I nearly melt as the name rolls off Travis’s tongue.  (Mmm…Travis’s tongue…SERIOUSLY!  I thought I was over this!  Stupid hormones GO AWAY!)  “Sarah wants an update on your condition.  Is your back better?”

I nod.

“It’s mostly healed over,” Cathy supplies.  “And it didn’t scar as badly as we thought it would.”

Travis nods.  “And your shoulder?”

“Good as new,” Cathy tells him for me.

“Well you definitely look better than you did.  Circus life seems to agree with you,” Matthew tells me.

“She’s been a great help running messages for us.  Even Johnson’s taken to her.”

Travis raises an eyebrow but doesn’t comment.  He looks at me.  “Are you okay with staying here a while longer?”

I nod, but I know what that means.  It means they haven’t been able to arrest him yet.

“I’m sorry we haven’t been able to nab him yet.  It’s been nearly impossible to get anything on him.  He covered his tracks pretty thoroughly.”

I can’t stop the sigh that escapes my lips.

“Kiri?” Matthew is looking at me with concern.  “Are you sure you’re okay staying here?”

I nod.  I grab the pad of paper and pen from the drawer behind me and write, ‘I just wish he was off the streets so he can’t hurt anyone.’  I’m able to write clearer and faster now that my shoulder is out of the brace.

Matthew reads it and nods.  “Me, too.”  He pauses and adds cautiously, “You know, if you could give us a statement it might be enough to get a warrant.”

I look down at the paper. I can't talk until I know that he can't come after me but they can't arrest him until I give them a statement. 'Can I give you a written one?'

Matthew nods. "That's perfectly fine, Kiri. We were going to have you write it out sooner, but you didn't seem up to it. If you think you can write it out now, that would be great."

There is a knock on the door and Travis answers it.

It’s the manager.  “Ah, Travis, I was told that you were here.  Can I have a quick talk with you?”

Travis goes out with Mr. Gerant and comes in a moment later.  “Kiri, I’m sorry but Matthew and I have to go.  We’ll be back soon and we can get your statement then, okay?”

“What’s up, Travis?” Matthew asks as he stands.

“Roland wants us to look into something.  He said it can’t wait.”  Travis gives Cathy a peck on the cheek.  “We’ll be back.”  He looks at me.  “If you need anything, tell Cathy.  She can let us know, okay?”

I nod.  I wish that they could take my statement now.  The sooner he’s behind bars, the better.  They leave and Cathy follows them to the door. 

Cathy comes back and says, “How about I start teaching you a few tricks?  Then maybe we can put together an act for you.”

The fourteen-year-old show whore in me jumps at the chance.  I nod and follow Cathy outside.

“Would you like to try tight rope or knife throwing first?”

Tight rope?  Have I mentioned that I’m afraid of heights?  Cathy has a rope tied between two posts.  It’s only six inches off the ground.  Maybe that won’t be so bad.  But there’s no way I’m going any higher than that.  She also has a target and five knives.

Maybe I ought to get the tight rope over with and then when she sees how bad I am at it, she won’t push the issue.  I walk over to the rope and look at Cathy, my look asking how to do this.

She grins at me.  “First thing is to stand on it.  Hold onto one of the posts and get a feel for your balance.”

I do as she says and after swaying a little, I can stand there without feeling like I’m about to fall off.

“Good.  Now, give me your hand and I’ll help you balance while you walk across.”

I hold out a hand to her.  She takes it and waits for me to take the first step.  I take a tiny one, not letting go of the post.

“You’ll have to let go if you want to make any progress.”

Is that a proverb or something?  It sounds like one.  I decide to let go of the post and take a step.  Then another.  This isn’t as hard as I thought it would be.  I make it all the way across.

“Great!  Now I want you to try and walk back without my help.”

That doesn’t go as well.  I fall, but at least it’s only a short fall.  Cathy encourages me to try again.  I still can’t do it without her help.  She helps me walk across a couple of times before having me try alone again.  This time I make it halfway across before I lose it.

“Better.  Keep practicing and you’ll have it down in no time.  How about we take a break from that and I’ll teach you to throw knives?”

I nod.  My legs are sore from trying to keep my balance on the rope anyway.  Cathy shows me how to flick my wrist just so, so that the knife point will stick in the target.  It’s harder than it looks.  I try again and again but I just can’t get it.  And here I thought this would be the easy thing.  I gather the blades and try throwing them again.  When I still don’t get it, Cathy shows me again how to throw them.

I practice…a lot.  Over the next few days I practice both the tight rope and the knife throwing after studying for my GED.  I still want to get that, even if I have ‘run away to the circus.’  Who knows, I might need it once this whole mess is cleared up, especially if my knife throwing is any indication of how any act they put me in will go.  I throw my last knife at the target and sigh as, yet again, the handle hits instead of the blade.

“Keep practicing, you’ll get it,” Cathy tells me again.

I snort.  No amount of practice is going to help me get this right.

“Maybe you shouldn’t spend so much time around the horses.  You’re starting to sound like them.”

I glare at Johnson as he walks around Cathy’s trailer to us.  He’s really not that bad, but there are some days I’d like to tell him to shut up.  He grins back at me.  I stick my tongue out at him and go to collect the knives so I can practice some more.

“Hey, Cathy, did you hear?  Mr. Gerant is finally hiring another hostler.”  He looks at me.  “Not that Kiri isn’t a great help, but I need someone who is strong enough to hold them when they get jumpy.”

“That’s great, Paul.”                            

Paul?  Hm.  Nope.  In my mind, he’ll always be ‘Johnson.’

“Yeah, apparently we’re picking him up in our next town.”

“I wonder what made him finally agree.”

“Travis recommended him.”

Great.  Someone new to have to try and communicate with.  But if Travis recommended him, maybe he won’t be so bad.  Matthew did say they would keep me safe and if he wasn’t trustworthy, Travis wouldn’t want him to join the circus, right?

“Oh, well then I’m sure he’ll work out great for you.”

Johnson beams at Cathy.  I wonder if he’s got a crush on her or something.  I’m not sure, but he has been hanging around a lot lately.  I throw the knives again.  And miss.  Again.

Stupid knives.

24: Chapter 24

Chap.24

The next town we go to is huge. Cathy takes me shopping again.  When we get back, the manager is waiting for us. 

“Catherine, may I have a word with you?”

“Of course.  Here, Kiri, take the bags to the trailer, okay?”

I nod.

“Kiri, Johnson would like for you to meet him at the corral.  He wants to introduce you to the new hostler,” the manager tells me.

I nod again and take the bags to the trailer.  Having Johnson introduce me to the new hostler will be better than accidentally running into him.  Johnson can explain what my duties are and that I don’t talk and everyone will be happy.  Well, I’ll be happy.  I like working with the horses.  And Johnson is supposed to start teaching me to ride next week.  I can’t wait.  It looks like so much fun.  Maybe if I can get good enough, he’ll teach me some trick riding and then that can be my act.  After all, I’m still afraid of heights, even if I can walk across the short tight rope without help now, and the knife throwing is…well, I throw them.  They don’t stick like I want them to, but I throw them.

I head over to the corral and the horses come over to me.  They know who feeds them.  I slip them each a sugar cube and rub their noses as I look around for Johnson.  He should be around here somewhere.

“Kiri!”

I turn at Johnson’s voice and it’s all I can do not to bolt.  I know the man with him. 

And it’s not good.

“Kiri, this is Jason Carter, the new hostler.  Carter, this is Kiri.  She helps feed the horses and she also runs messages for Mr. Gerant.  She doesn’t talk, so you’ll have to get used to asking ‘yes or no’ questions to her.”

Carter glances at me and does a double take.

CRAP.  I should have run before.

The predatory look in his eye tells me in no uncertain terms that he recognizes me.  “It’s nice to meet you…Kiri.”

I nod in return and look at Johnson.  He didn’t notice anything.  Bad words.  However, he does pull Carter’s attention away from me to show him the tack trailer and I take the opportunity to get away.  I can’t stop the torrent of tears as my terror grows. 

He found me. 

He found me.

He found me…and he’s going to kill me…or worse.

I run into something very solid because I’m not paying attention to where I’m going.  I almost fall, but I am caught.

“Kirimek?  What is wrong?”

I’ve run into Torvald.  He gently holds me up and kneels down so he can look me in the eye.  “What has upset you?”

I shake my head.  I can’t tell him…and even if I could, I don’t want him to know.  Nobody can know what he made me do with Carter…

Torvald pulls me into his strong embrace.  “Kirimek, it is alright.  You have no need to be upset.  Help me understand and I will fix, yes?”

I can’t do anything but cry.

He found me!

Torvald picks me up and I don’t realize where he takes me until I hear Cathy.

“What happened?!”

“I am not sure.  She was upset when I found her.  I cannot calm her down and she cannot tell me what has upset her.”  Torvald sounds upset.  Now I feel bad for upsetting him.

“Set her on the couch, Torvald.  TRAVIS!”

He found me…

“What’s wrong, Cathy?”

Torvald sets me on the couch and I curl up.  I’m cold.  I stare at the ground as tears run down my cheeks.  The couch dips and someone is putting their arms around me.  I snuggle into the warm embrace.

“Kiri?  What happened?” Travis asks me softly.  I shake my head.  I can’t explain it.  Not…not without telling them what he did…what he forced me to do.  I don’t want them to know. 

“She’s scared, Travis.”  I didn’t know Matthew was here, too.  It makes sense, though.  They came together before.  “But I don’t think she’s hurt.  Are you hurt, Kiri?”  Matthew is kneeling in front of me, speaking quietly so that Cathy and Torvald can’t hear.  I shake my head.  I’m not hurt.

“Can you write it down?”

I don’t know.  Matthew hands me a pencil and a piece of paper.  My hands are shaking too much.  I can’t.  I shake my head and bury my face into Travis’s shoulder.  They don’t press me for answers right now, which I’m grateful for.  Travis simply holds me, letting me cry.  He’s good for that.  I can hear Cathy and Matthew speaking softly in the kitchen, but I can’t understand what they’re saying.  It doesn’t matter.

He found me.

I don’t know how long I cry, but by the time I can make myself stop, I’m exhausted.  I lean into Travis, who has very patiently tolerated my outburst.  The trailer is quiet.  I’m not sure if everyone is being quiet or if they’ve left.

“Do you think you could eat something, Kiri?” Travis asks quietly.

I don’t know.  I’m not really hungry, and I’m getting a headache.

“Come on, let’s get you some dinner and then you can go to bed, okay?”

I nod automatically.  He found me.  What I do now doesn’t matter.

Travis gently pulls me to my feet and leads me to the kitchen.  Matthew and Cathy are sitting at the table.  Torvald is gone. 

A plate of food is placed in front of me.  I eat a few bites, but I don’t taste it.  No one says anything when I push most of it away.

“Cathy, Matthew and I will be staying tonight.”

“Okay…um, Kiri’s been using your room but I think it would be best if Matthew took the couch and Kiri stayed with me.”

Okay…whatever…he found me.  It doesn’t matter anymore.

I don’t really pay attention to anything.  Cathy leads me into her room after dinner is cleaned up.

“Why don’t you take the side of the bed next to the wall?  That way if I wake up before you do I won’t have to climb over you to get up.”

I nod numbly and climb into the bed.  Cathy slides in next to me and puts her arms around me.

“Everything is okay, Kiri.  Sleep.  Things will look brighter in the morning.”

Fat chance.  I don’t intend to sleep, but eventually, I do.

25: Chapter 25

Chap. 25

He is after me again.  He grabs at me.  I push him away. 

Suddenly Carter is there, too.  “Hello again…fancy meeting you here.  Why don’t you show me what you remember?”  He grabs me.  I kick him as hard as I can and push him away from me. 

“Oof!”

I try to get away again, but I don’t make it very far before I’m grabbed again.  “Don’t be that way.  It won’t hurt…much.”  I scream.  I fight back with everything I can.  Carter is above me now.  I can’t push him off, so I claw at his face.  My hands are grabbed by him to keep me from clawing Carter again.  I thrash around, trying to dislodge their grip on me.  I wriggle out of their grasp and turn to run.  I’m grabbed from behind again.  I keep fighting.  I can’t let him get me!

“KIRI STOP!”

Something clicks and I stop struggling.  I am breathing very hard and someone is holding me very tightly from behind.  Too tight!  I can’t move. 

“Kiri, it’s okay.  You’re safe.”

Travis’s voice is soft in my ear and I go limp.  He lets me go and gently turns my face so I look at him.  He has scratches down his cheeks.  I push him away and scuttle to the farthest corner of the bed that I can, up next to the wall.  Guilt pours over me as I look at him in horror.  I hurt him.  I didn’t mean to, but I did.  And if he’s here and I hurt him, what did I do to Cathy?  I pull my knees up and cry into my arms. 

I didn’t mean to.

I didn’t mean it.

I’m sorry.

I didn’t mean to.

“Cathy, why don’t you go sleep in my room?  I’ll stay up with Kiri tonight.”

“Travis, it’s okay, I can—”

“No, Cathy.  You have two shows tomorrow.  You can’t be tired.  She’ll be fine.”

I think Cathy gives up because I hear the door open and shut quietly.

“Matthew?”

“She feels bad that she hurt you, Travis.”  There’s a sigh.  I’m not sure which one of them it is.  “Kiri, it’s okay.  Travis isn’t mad at you.”

Someone touches my arm and I flinch away, pressing tighter into the corner.  Don’t touch me…I’ll only hurt you.

“Kiri, it’s alright.  You’re safe now.  No one is mad at you.  You’re not in trouble.  I’m not hurt.”  Travis repeats this a few times before I can bring myself to look up at him.

He’s kneeling on the bed near me.  Close enough to touch me, but he isn’t.  I don’t blame him.

“It’s alright, Kiri,” he says again, reaching up to wipe a tear from my cheek.  I want to pull away from him, but I’m as far back as the wall will let me get.  “That must have been some nightmare,” Travis says quietly, watching me carefully.

I nod.  I wish I could tell him it was all Carter’s fault, but I can’t.  Suddenly, I’m cold and I can’t stop shivering.

“She’s scared of something,” Matthew says quietly.  He’s standing next to the bed, behind Travis.

“Shhh…everything will be okay.  Come here,” Travis says as he gently pulls me away from the wall.  He wraps his arms around me as I shiver.  I can’t stop.  “It’s okay.  You’re safe here.”

I bury my face into his chest and shake my head.  I’m not safe.  He sent Carter after me, I just know it.  I don’t know how he found me but I’m not safe here anymore.

“It’s okay,” Travis tells me again.  He starts rocking me back and forth.  It’s soothing and while I can’t let myself sleep again, it does calm me down.

“Matthew I’ve got this.  Why don’t you try to get some sleep?  I’ll call you if I need you.”

The door opens and closes quietly again and the room is quiet.

“Kiri, I’m not upset with you.”  Travis doesn’t say anything else for a while.  It startles me when he talks again.  “I wish I could do more to help you.”

He holds me and after a while he says, “You should at least try to sleep.”  He lays down and pulls me gently down next to him.  He wraps a blanket around me and I snuggle in close to him.  Carter wouldn’t dare come after me with Travis here. 

I can’t sleep, but I think Travis does.  His breathing is even and he hasn’t said anything for a while.  I watch him for a minute.  He has his eyes closed.  I’m sorry that I scratched up his face.  He’s been nothing but kind to me and I’ve done nothing but cause him problems.  I take a chance and lean up.  Travis doesn’t move, so I go ahead and give him a soft kiss on his cheek.  He doesn’t do anything, which is good and I snuggle back down and cuddle into him.  I still don’t sleep, but I feel better.

I spend the night thinking about everything that’s happened lately.  Maybe I should just talk.  If I can tell them everything then they can take out Carter and maybe he can lead them to him.  I lie there, not daring to move as the window grows lighter.  I think I’ll try to talk this morning.  Maybe while I’m alone in the shower or something.  I don’t want to get their hopes up in case I decide that I just can’t do it yet.

I’m watching the light get brighter through the window shade when Travis stirs. 

“Good morning,” he greets me.  “I’d ask how you slept but I know that you didn’t.”

I sit up and shake my head.  I didn’t dare sleep again after…

“I didn’t sleep, either.  I was trying to come up with ways to help you.”

Ummm…I’m not sure what to think.

He sits up next to me.  I’m not sure I can look at him.  I was too forward last night.  What if it makes things awkward?

I blush as he puts an arm around me and gives me a soft kiss on the cheek.  “I want you to be safe.  And…and when this is over with, I’d like to see you outside of work.”

I can’t help but smile at that.  I’d like that, too.  I give him a small nod.  I glance up at him and notice that he’s smiling, too.  He should totally smile like that more often.

He gives my shoulders a small squeeze.  “Since we’re up, we might as well get ready for the day.”  He gets off the bed and I follow suit.  I need to get some things from his room so I can shower and get dressed.  Matthew is asleep on the couch so I’m quiet as I go into Travis’s room, expecting Cathy to be asleep as well.

She isn’t there.  Maybe she had an early rehearsal or something.

I get what I need and head for the bathroom.  Once I’ve got the water running, I try to talk.  Nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.  I…I can’t talk anymore.  The thought makes me sad, but maybe it’s not all bad.  After all, I’ve gotten along so far without talking.  I can just keep not talking…right? 

When I come out, Travis and Matthew are having a discussion and they don’t sound very happy.  Was it something I did?

“Kiri, did Cathy say anything to you about going out?”

I shake my head.

Travis frowns.  Suddenly, there’s banging on the door.  I slip into Travis’s room and close the door most of the way.  I can escape out the window if it’s Carter.  I’m sure he found out who I was staying with.  It’s not exactly a secret and if he’s helping out with the horses, too, I’m sure Johnson told him where he could find me.

It’s not Carter.  It’s Johnson and he looks fit to spit nails.

“TRAVIS!  HOW COULD YOU RECOMMEND CARTER?!” he bellows.

I want to know the same thing so, even though I don’t like that Johnson is yelling, I open the door a little bit more.

“Who?”

“The new hostler.  Mr. Gerant said he came highly recommended by you.”  Johnson’s voice is venomous.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.  I didn’t recommend anyone.  I told Mr. Gerant I would try to find him someone, but I haven’t found anyone yet.”

Johnson goes really pale.  “Where’s Kiri?”  It comes out almost like a whisper.

“She’s in the other room.  What’s going on, Johnson?”

Johnson is pacing, running a hand through his hair and swearing up a storm.

“AGENT JOHNSON!  REPORT!”

Agent?  He’s a…he’s an Interceptor, too?

Johnson looks at Travis.  “One of the horses has been lamed and it wasn’t an accident.  I’m not sure she’ll recover enough to perform anymore.  We can use her as a brood mare, but…” Johnson trails off.

Travis’s phone rings.  “Bennett.”  His expression darkens as he listens.  “Cathy, stay calm.  Tell him we’ll be there.”  He hangs up.  “Cathy was going to run into town this morning and Carter offered her a ride.  As soon as they were out of sight of the circus, he threatened her and took her to a cabin a few miles away.  He said if we want to see her alive again…we’ll take Kiri to him.”  Travis isn’t happy.   

Matthew and Johnson are angry, too. 

He…he took Cathy?  NO!  No he…can’t.  He’ll hurt her.  And if he doesn’t, he will.  I have to tell them now.  I…I can’t keep it a secret anymore.

I step out of Travis’s room and the three men look at me.

“Kiri?  What is it?” Matthew asks, passing me a small pad of paper and a pen.

‘Carter works for Perdu.’

Johnson frowns.  “Did you know that when I introduced you yesterday?”

I nod, biting my lip.  I’m trying to control my terror, but it isn’t working very well.

“That’s what had you so upset.”

I nod at Matthew.  Travis swears. 

“Did he seem surprised to see you, Kiri?”

I nod again.  He did seem surprised now that I think about it. 

Travis swears again.  “Gage said Chase might try something to crack us.  Now Kiri’s cover has been blown.  I’m sorry, Kiri.  It’s my fault.  I’m sure Chase was trying to blackmail me by going after Cathy and found you instead.”

“But why would he take Cathy instead of just grabbing Kiri?” Johnson asks.

“Probably because Cathy was under less supervision.  Kiri had a nightmare last night.  I sat up with her so Cathy would be able to rest for her performances today.  She was gone when the rest of us got up, so it was the perfect opportunity to snatch her.”

Johnson frowns as he nods.  “If he hurts her…”

“What can we do?” Matthew asks.  “We can’t just hand her over.”

“No.  And getting backup might take too long.  He said he wouldn’t wait all day.”

Well, that settles it.  I can’t let him have Cathy.  ‘Trade me.’

“NO.  We can’t do that, Kiri.”

I glare at Matthew.  ‘Yes, you can.  I can’t let him hurt Cathy.  I can’t let her go through what I went through.  Please.  Trade me.’

The three men look at each other after reading what I wrote.

“Kiri…if…if you really want to—”

I nod.

Travis looks grim.  “Okay.  If you want to help Cathy, we’ll let you.  But I want you to understand that we…we don’t like it.” I nod.  “And we’ll do our best to get you back, okay?”

I give him a small smile and nod.  I’m not sure there will be enough of me left for them to find once he gets his hands on me again.  But it’s a nice thought and it feels good to know that they’ll try to find me again anyway.

We get into Travis’s car, Matthew sits in the back seat with me, and we head away from the circus. 

I hope we get there in time.

26: Chapter 26

Chap. 26

Travis drives us to the specified location and gets out of the car.  Matthew and Johnson follow Travis’s example.  I get out, too, even though I’m sure that Travis and Matthew don’t want me to.  Matthew approaches the house and the door opens, revealing Carter.  He moves to the porch of the house.  Carter has Cathy hostage, holding one of her own knives against her throat. 

“That’s far enough, Interceptors.  Send the girl up to me and I’ll let this one go.”

“Let Cathy go first.”

Carter snorts.  “I don’t take orders from you, Johnson.”  He glares at me.  “Get up here if you don’t want me to use her as a pin cushion.  Or maybe I’ll just do to her what I did to that mare you like so much.”

I don’t have any choice.  I can’t let him hurt Cathy.  I walk cautiously up to the porch and stare at him evenly, trying not to betray how afraid of him I really am.  I’m sure Matthew can tell, though.  Carter doesn’t let Cathy go. 

“You know, girl, I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time.”

Say what now?

“Perdu was right to train you.  You have the touch.  I’ve spent the last couple of years trying to find someone as good as you.”

I can feel the blood draining from my face.  I didn’t tell anyone what I was forced to do and this is not how I wanted them to find out.  Of course, I never wanted them to find out.

“Why don’t you give us all a little demonstration?”

I shake my head.  He can just dream on because there’s no way I’m doing that ever again.

“Don’t be shy.  I’m sure that these Interceptors would love to know what they can make you do if they ever get their hands on you again.”

He can’t be serious!  But he is.  I take a small step back.  He tightens his grip on Cathy and pushes the knife a little tighter to her throat.  Cathy makes a small sound.  Carter is hurting her and I…I’m the only one who can make him stop.

“Carter!” Johnson warns, but he is ignored.  Carter is focused on me, a twisted expression on his face.  I’m pretty sure he has snapped.  I fight to keep my hands from trembling…and fail miserably.

“Come on, girl.  Don’t make me wait.”  Carter starts to slowly twist the knife and Cathy squirms in his grasp.

I really don’t want to do this, especially with everyone watching.  They’ll…I don’t know…they’ll be disgusted with me at least.  But even so, I’d rather he hurt me than Cathy, so I kneel in front of him and pause with my fingers on the button of his pants, my own feelings of disgust rising.  Though, whether I’m more disgusted with him or myself, I’m not really sure.  There has to be a way out of this for both me and Cathy.

I watch him carefully.  I won’t do what he wants me to unless physically forced and for that he’d have to let Cathy go.  It would be worth it to me if he did.  This is so unfair!  Cathy’s in this situation because of me.  She doesn’t deserve this.  I didn’t do anything to deserve this, either, and the thought makes me mad. 

As the anger wells up inside me, I have an idea.  It’s probably a bad one, but it’s the only one I have.  I look up at Cathy and catch her eye.  She looks scared and angry and concerned.  I try to give her a reassuring look and take a deep breath.  Before I can remind myself what a bad idea this probably is, I punch him in the groin as hard as I can, the anger inside of me fueling the hit.

From where I am I can hear a distinct pop and a scream of pain.  He backhands me, calling me all sorts of horrible names.

The force of his hit sends me to the ground.  I can feel something wet on my face.  I’m dazed and there are spots in my vision.  I taste blood.  I can hear angry yells and someone rushes around me towards Carter, who is still screaming obscenities at me. 

“Kiri?  Kiri, stay with me,” Matthew’s voice reaches me.  I feel something being pressed gently but firmly to the left side of my face.  I realize that I can’t see Matthew through the spots even though he’s right next to me and that scares me.  “Kiri?”  His fear laced voice is getting farther and farther away. 

And then, there is nothing.

27: Chapter 27

Chap. 27

The sound of steady beeping draws me out of nothingness.  I open my eyes; at least, I try to.  My left eye won’t open.  My right eye focuses and I recognize that I’m back in the hospital.  I lift my left hand to my eye and feel that it is covered in bandages.

“You had us worried.”  I turn my head to the right and see Travis.  He approaches the bed and scoops me up in a hug.  “Thank you for saving Cathy,” he whispers.  “I…I know that wasn’t easy for you.”  He trembles a little as he hugs me tightly.

“You’re welcome,” I whisper back softly.  My throat feels dry, so it’s all I can manage.  I’m just glad I haven’t lost the ability to speak completely, especially after my experiment didn’t work before.  It’s obvious how important Cathy is to him and I didn’t want to wait until I could get a piece of paper and a pen.  It would ruin the moment.

He holds me back and looks at me in shock.  “Are you ready to start talking then?”

I bite my lip and shake my head.  I shouldn’t have tried it in the first place.  Now they’ll expect it and I’m just not quite there yet.  I had to work to get that much of a whisper out.  He hugs me again.  “Whenever you’re ready,” he tells me quietly.  I bring my right hand up to embrace him back.  It’s the only thing I can think of to tell him I’m thankful that he isn’t pushing me.

He gently sets me back against the pillows and places the remote to the bed in my hand so I can sit up when I’m ready.  Dang.  And just when I was getting used to those nice, strong arms holding me close, too.  Ugh…will you listen to me?  I have GOT to get these hormones under control.  I adjust the bed so I’m more comfortable.  There’s an IV in my left hand, similar to the last time I was hospitalized.  I wonder if it’s drugs or a nutrient drip this time.

There is a knock on the door and Travis opens it.  David comes in. 

“Hey, Travis, um…Roland wants to see you.”

Travis frowns but nods and leaves.

“So, are you talkin’ yet?”

I shake my head.

“Okay then,” David shrugs.  He sits and there is an awkward silence for a few minutes.  He starts fidgeting and when he just can’t seem to stand it anymore, he turns to me.  “You know…I never woulda figured you for a chick that’d break a guy’s…well…—”

Okay…not really the conversation that I want to have.  Ever.  But David won’t shut up.

“Even when we’ve tortured guys we haven’t done anything like that.  I can’t imagine that it was fun for anyone, but you can tell me…did you enjoy it, just a little bit?  You know, making him pay for…well, whatever it is he did to you before?”

Seriously David just needs to shut up.  I shake my head and turn over on my side so I’m not facing him, making sure that the blanket is covering up my backside with this stupid open-backed gown.

“I’m sorry…I tend to talk without thinking, especially when…well, when I’m nervous.”

What is he nervous about?  It’s not like I’m going to give him the same treatment, although it is rather tempting right now.

“It’s just…well…I mean…you’re gonna find out sooner or later anyway but…the Interceptors are…well…they’re gonna make you go back to your parents as soon as Sarah thinks you’re well enough.”

I sit up and stare at him.  He can’t be serious!

David scratches the back of his head.  “Um…yeah…see that’s what Roland wanted to talk to Travis about and…he’s gonna be pissed.  Matthew too and trust me, you haven’t seen pissed until you’ve seen Matthew pissed.  But we have orders from Colonel Gage and no matter what we say we haven’t been able to change her mind.”

I can feel tears well up in my eyes and my lip quivers as I try to keep them from falling.  I fail miserably.

“Aw, come on, don’t do that.  Really, we don’t want to make you go back but…”  His shoulders slump.  “Look, maybe if Carter knows anything about your parents we can get Gage to reconsider.  But she says that there’s no proof that your parents are a danger to you.”

NO PROOF????!!!  How about the fact that they left me in the hands of a serial rapist/killer for five years and did NOTHING about it????  They didn’t report me missing because they knew exactly where I was.  I drop my face into my hands.  David puts his arm around me.

“Hey, I’m sorry.  I…I don’t know how to fix this, but we’re trying everything we can, okay?  Come on, quit crying…I’m sure that can’t be good for your eye.  Sarah’s gonna be ticked.”

Who cares if I mess up my eye worse than it is?  It might buy me a few more days in the hospital.  There’s a knock on the door.  David goes to answer it.

“Why are you upsetting her?” Matthew demands as he pushes his way past David.  He wraps his arms around me and I snuggle into him.  He’ll understand.  “Shhh, Kiri, it’s okay.  Everything’s going to be okay.”  He’s stroking my hair and trying to calm me down.

I just want to go back to the circus.  I felt safe there.  Except that if Carter found me there, Perdu knows that’s where I’m hiding.  He’ll come after me again.  I have nowhere to go.  That thought upsets me even more.

“Just what did you say to her, David?”

“Um…well…I told her...what Gage ordered.”

“YOU TOLD HER????  THAT DECISION IS NOT YET FINAL, DAVID!  YOU HAD NO BUSINESS SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT THAT!  AND NOW YOU’VE GOT HER WORKED UP AND CRYING!  YOU KNOW HER EYE IS INJURED!”  Matthew’s voice lowers.  “Sarah will be told that you’re responsible.”

Matthew hasn’t let me go, and I can see what David meant about Matthew being pissed.  If I had seen this side of him when I first met him, he would terrify me.  I manage to catch a glimpse of David.  He’s gone a bit pale and looks like someone slapped him.

“Matthew…I…I didn’t mean to.  It just…slipped out.  You know that I tend to babble when I get nervous.  I had to send Travis to talk to Roland and between the two of you…I…I’m pretty sure that you’ll gang up on the three of us in a dark alley and beat the crap out of us for not stopping Gage.  And then there’s Johnson.  You know he’s pissed that Cathy got dragged into this and I’m sure he’s had words with Gage.  And then Gage’s pissed because Johnson was supposed to be undercover and not get involved and then his cover got blown so now she thinks she’ll need to send in another operative and—”

“David shut up.”

David’s mouth snaps shut.  Matthew puts a hand under my chin and lifts my face so he can look at me.

“Go get Sarah.  Kiri’s eye needs to be checked and rebandaged.”

David does as he’s told and returns with Sarah.  He pulls the chair to the other side of the room and sits in it.  Sarah frowns as Matthew tells her what happened.

“This is exactly why I said not to upset her.”  Sarah pulls the bandage off my eye.  I can’t see clearly out of my left eye, but I can see that there is a decent amount of blood on the bandage.  I’m sure my tears helped to water it down a little, but it soaked all the way through the thick bandage.  Now I’m upset for a different reason.

I want to know exactly what happened with my eye.  I grab Matthew’s arm and point at my eye.

“You want to know what happened?” he guesses.

I nod carefully, not wanting to make anything worse.

“When Carter backhanded you, he still had the knife in his hand and it cut your eye.  You…you might go blind in it.  We won’t know for sure until it’s had a chance to heal.”

“We’re doing everything we can to save it,” Sarah assures me.  “But you need to take it easy and let it heal.  You also have a mild concussion so I want you to stay in bed and rest.  You can watch television, but no reading.  I don’t want you to overstress your right eye.  You’re going to be bored, so just accept it now.  We’ll try to get you some movies you haven’t seen before to keep you occupied, okay?  But if you want something, just ask for it.”

She finishes checking and bandaging my eye and I nod. 

Sarah smiles at me.  “You’re going to be just fine.  Your back looks great and you can eat whatever you want.  Just tell the boys and they’ll order it for you.”  She glares as David.  “No more upsetting her or I’ll have to assign you to change out bedpans instead of watching her, got it?”

David nods, silent for once in his life.  Sarah leaves and Matthew turns to David. 

“Look, David, I know you didn’t mean to upset Kiri.  But you need to watch what you say.  Gage hasn’t given the order to turn her over to her parents yet and I think that Cathy is talking to her about it.  Gage might listen to her as she’s been helping to keep Kiri safe these last few weeks.”

I grab Matthew’s shirt and get his attention.  He turns to me and frowns.  I wonder if I made him mad until he digs up a pad of paper and a pen from the table drawer and hands them to me.

“I thought I told them to make sure you had these,” he says by way of apology.

‘Where else can I go?  The circus isn’t safe anymore.  He knows I’ve been hiding there.’

Matthew sighs.  “We have other safe places.  But…well, in all honesty, the circus was where we thought you’d be safest.  We had hoped that the constant moving would keep Chase off your trail.  I have another location set up, but…well…the only people we have to guard you right now are men.  They’re trustworthy,” he quickly assures me, “but…well, I would understand if you weren’t comfortable with that.  I…Kiri, I’m sorry that Carter…”  He stops talking as if unsure of how to put what he wants to say into words.

‘It’s okay.  It’s not your fault.’  I write quickly and show it to him. 

Matthew gives me a small smile and wraps me in his arms.  “I’m sorry,” he whispers.  “I should have just shot him but I was afraid I’d miss and hit Cathy.  Travis and Paul were afraid of the same thing.  I’m sorry we didn’t keep you safe.”

I hug him tightly to let him know it’s okay.  They couldn’t have done anything other than what they did.  And as long as Cathy is okay…

I pull out of Matthew’s arms and write, ‘Is Cathy okay?’

“Yes, Cathy’s just fine.  She was quite upset at what Carter put you through, though.  She blames herself for putting you in that situation.”

I look at my lap.  It isn’t her fault.  I don’t want her to take the blame.

Matthew lifts my chin again.  “Please don’t let it upset you.  None of us wanted you to have to go through that.  If we’d known about Carter…maybe it wouldn’t have happened.”

‘No.  It would still have happened.  It might have been worse.’

Matthew frowns at me.  “How could it have been worse?”

‘He might have waited until he could kidnap me and’  I stop writing, trying to figure out how to word what could have happened.

Matthew notices my hesitation and glances at what I’ve written.  “I get the feeling you think he might have done something to you before taking you back to Chase,” he says quietly.

I give him a tiny nod.  Carter had made comments about that back when Perdu was forcing me to…I shake my head.  I don’t want to think about that ever again if I can help it.

“Kiri?  What is it?”

‘Bad memories.’  Suddenly I’m cold.  I pull my legs up and wrap my arms around them.  I’m so cold I’m trembling.

Matthew wraps an arm around me, but it doesn’t make me any warmer.  “David, make yourself useful and find her another blanket.”

David leaves and Matthew and I sit in silence.  There is a knock on the door and Matthew lets me go long enough to answer it.  Travis comes in.  He tries to look normal, but there’s something in his posture that tells me he’s upset about something.  He looks at me and glares at Matthew.

“What—”

Matthew puts up a hand.  “David let it slip.  She’s doing…okay.”

Travis frowns.  “What do you mean ‘okay’?  What’s got her scared?”

Matthew looks at me.  “She said it was bad memories triggered by what happened with Carter.  I sent David to bring her another blanket.” 

Travis sits next to me on the bed and wraps me in a warm embrace. I press into him.  He gently strokes my hair.  “Shhh...You’re safe.  Everything will be okay.”

There is a soft knock on the door and the next thing I know Travis is wrapping another blanket around me.  We sit in silence.  I don’t know what the others are thinking about, but I’m trying to figure out what will happen to me next.

“Are you still afraid to talk?” Travis asks me quietly.

I don’t answer.  Matthew holds out the pen and paper to me.  “Tell us what you’re thinking.”

I start to write.  I couldn’t write well enough before, but now…now I think I can write it out.  They need to understand.  No one says anything as I write.  Or, if they do, I don’t notice.  I finish my explanation and hesitate before I hold it out for Matthew to read.  I still don’t know if I want them to know what happened to me.  He seems a little surprised at how much I’ve written, but he doesn’t comment.  His expression darkens as he reads.  When he’s done, he silently passes the paper to Travis.

“I’m sorry you went through that,” Matthew says quietly as Travis reads.  “We won’t push you anymore.”

Travis grunts an agreement and David takes the paper.

“That jerk,” he mutters.

“I think this will be statement enough for Gage,” Travis says, taking the paper back and slipping it into his pocket.

I get a fresh piece of paper.  I think it’s time to tell them something else.  ‘I think something is wrong with me.  I tried to talk a few days ago, but I couldn’t.  I managed a whisper, but even that was forced.’

I bite my lip as Travis reads.  He frowns.  “We might have to have Sarah check you.”

“It could be psychological,” Matthew says, tapping a finger to his lips.  “Or it could just be from disuse.  Would you feel safe enough to try talking to us now?”

I nod and take a breath to say something when I realize…I don’t know what to say.

David looks amused.  “Let me guess, you can’t think of anything to say.”

I feel a blush rise and I nod. 

“So tell us that you can’t think of anything to say,” Matthew suggests.

Okay.  I open my mouth and try to talk, but nothing comes out.  I manage a small noise, but, surprisingly, that little bit hurts.  I put a hand to my throat.  Why doesn’t it hurt when I scream?  Well, now that I think about it, it does hurt when I scream, but if I’m screaming, there’s something more pressing to worry about and I’ve been assuming that my throat hurts afterwards because, well…isn’t screaming supposed to give you a sore throat?

“Did that hurt?”  Travis asks.  I nod.  “You wrote before that he strangled you a number of times over the last five years.  It’s possible he damaged your vocal chords.”

Oh goody.  Hey, maybe this could buy me some more time before they take me ‘home.’

“I’ll talk to Sarah about it and have her check you,” Matthew promises me.  “As much as I hope Travis is wrong, it might be what Gage needs to change her mind.”

I nod.  I understand what he means.  On one side, I don’t want the damage to be permanent or require surgery, but on the other, it might keep me away from my parents longer.

 David excuses himself, giving a vague reason and Matthew follows suit, claiming no time like the present to speak to Dr. Miller.  Travis sits with me on the bed, not saying anything.  I’m okay with that.  I’m getting warmer the longer he sits with me.  I yawn.  All the stress from the last couple of days is catching up to me now.  With Travis here I am safe enough to sleep.

28: Chapter 28

Chap. 28

When I wake up, I am alone on the bed, but I have a third blanket and someone has adjusted the bed so I’m not completely flat on my back.  I’m warm and comfortable.  It’s weird that I can’t see on my left side.  I kind of wish that side was closer to the wall, but I guess since that’s where all the machines are, that’s good enough.  I look around the room.  It’s…empty.  There’s nobody here with me?  Should I be concerned?

I sit up and feel someone touch my left shoulder.  I jump and turn my head quickly. 

“Sorry,” Cathy tells me.  “I…forgot you wouldn’t be able to see me.”

My heart is pounding as I nod.  I really hope people don’t keep doing that to me.  I might have to ask Travis or Matthew to talk to them about it.

“How are you feeling?”

Not bad.  Um…yeah, I don’t have a pad of paper or a pen right now.  I give her a small smile.

“You’re…okay?” she guesses.

I nod.

“I’m…I’m sorry…about Carter.”  She looks embarrassed.

I shrug.  Nothing to be done about it now.  And if I’m going back to my parents…I guess it doesn’t matter if things are awkward between us.

She wraps her arms around me.  “Thank you,” she whispers.  I bring my arms up and hug her back.  I’m just glad that she wasn’t hurt.

She lets me go and moves over to my right side so I can see her better.  “Um…so is there anything I can get you?”

I need a pen and paper.  I mime writing and she laughs.

“Of course.  I’m sorry.  Let me see if I can find you anything to write with.”  She opens the drawer of the small table next to my bed and pulls out a pad of paper and a pen.  “Here you go.  Now, is there anything you can think of that you need or want?”

‘What time is it?’

“It’s 4:30.  You slept most of the afternoon.”

 ‘Food?’

She gives me a conspiratorial wink.  “You’ll have to wait.  David said he had something special in mind for you.”

I roll my eyes…well, eye.  But I suppose if David wants to bring something special, I’ll be careful not to hurt his feelings.  He really isn’t that bad, he just…talks without thinking, I think.

Cathy has brought my clothes for me.  I get out of bed and Cathy steadies me so I can get dressed in a pair of the pajamas.  They’re more comfortable and less revealing than this hospital gown.  I get settled back under the blankets and Cathy pulls a chair over so she can sit while we talk.

“Sarah said that you’re going to be laid up and she doesn’t want you to do anything more strenuous than watching movies.  Were there any that you wanted to watch?”

‘I don’t know.  What came out in the last five years?’

“I’ll see if I can get you a list.  Maybe I’ll just bring a few by that I liked.  Were there any that you’ve already seen that you’d like to see again?”

I give her a small list.  It’s a start anyway and Sarah didn’t tell me just how long I would be staying here.  And after that…well…I’m just trying not to think about it right now.

There’s a knock on the door and Johnson sticks his head in.  “Everything okay?”

I nod.  He grins at me.  “Good.  David should be back shortly.”  He closes the door, but it opens almost immediately.

Instead of David, Roland comes in.  He looks at Cathy.  “Would you excuse us?”

Cathy frowns at him and is about to say something when Johnson beckons to her from the door.  She gives me an apologetic smile and leaves with Johnson.

Roland looks at me.  “You have a visitor.  You will be respectful.  You will listen to what she has to say.”

Yeah, like I have a choice?  I nod and he opens the door.

A woman with glasses and brown hair pulled back into a very tight bun comes in.  She’s wearing an Interceptor’s Uniform, but it’s different than the one that Roland wears.  Roland stands at attention until she seats herself next to my bed.

“At ease, Agent.”  Roland relaxes a little (I think) and the woman turns to me.  “I am Colonel Gage.  I am the head of the Interceptors Agency.  My agents tell me that you won’t talk.”

I swallow.  I knew that they were mad at me.  I must be in serious trouble for the head of the Interceptors to be here to make me cooperate.

“Permission to correct your information?”

I’m surprised at Roland’s words, but Colonel Gage nods.

“Female subject 342, Codename: Kiri, is physically unable to speak due to injuries sustained at the hands of her captor, whom she has identified as Perdu, which we have discovered to be the alias of one Donovan Chase.”

The Colonel nods and turns back to me.  “Do you have another method of communication?”

I nod and feel around for the pen and paper.  I look.  I can’t see them, but I just had them.  Where did they go?  Roland moves to my blind side and I feel him grab my wrist and place the paper into my hand.  I turn my head to him and give him a small smile of thanks.  He nods in return and holds the pen out to me.  I take it and turn my attention back to Colonel Gage.

“I have a statement here that was passed on to me from Agent Bennett.  I need you to confirm that you wrote it.”

She holds out the statement I wrote yesterday (or was it earlier today?  I’m not sure) and I nod.

Colonel Gage gives me a serious look.  “You do know that these are some very serious allegations?”

I nod.  She starts asking me questions.  They’re the same questions Sarah asked me when they first rescued me.  That seems like an eternity ago.  The Colonel is a little trickier, though.  She asks some of the same questions more than once, just worded differently.  Some answers I have to write, some I can just nod or shake my head.  I’m not sure how long she interrogates me, but she seems to be getting upset at something.  I’m not sure what I did to make her mad.

“If you are not telling the truth, you need to tell me now.”

I stare at her.  She thinks I’m lying about this?  What kind of proof do I need before they’ll believe me?

She sighs.  “I’m sorry.  I…Chase is a lawyer and a good one at that.  He’s making this investigation harder than it needs to be because he’s likely to get a death sentence for his crimes.  He’s done more than even you know but we can’t prove everything else he’s done unless we can prove that he’s responsible for this trafficking ring.  And you are a vital piece to that puzzle.  He’s doing everything he can to discredit you and the Interceptors.  So I have to be absolutely certain that what you’re telling me is the truth.  Do you understand that?”

I nod.  It makes sense.

“Good.  Now, just to clarify: is what is written in this statement true?”

I nod.

“Is everything else you’ve just told me true?”

Again, I nod.

She nods, satisfied.  “Did you know your parents were involved with Chase?”

I shake my head and bite my lip.  I will not cry.

The Colonel’s expression softens.  “It’s okay.  You’re not in trouble.  Your parents used you and we’d like to know why.  I would like for you to go back to your parents and see if you can get them to tell you why they got involved with Chase and why you were involved.  Do you think you can do that for us?”

I don’t know.

“I don’t want you to answer right away.  I want you to think about it.  You’re going to be staying here for a while anyway.  Your eye needs to heal and I want Sarah to see if there’s anything that can be done to help you speak again.  If you do decide to confront your parents, I don’t want you to go in too sick or hurt to protect yourself.  Until we know why they’re cooperating with Chase, we are assuming that they are just as dangerous as he is.”

I nod.  Part of me wants to confront my parents, force them to tell me what the heck they were thinking.  But part of me wants to run as far away as possible and hide forever.  I’ve heard Europe is nice.  Maybe I could…no.  I can’t. 

Even as the Colonel leaves, I know that I will be confronting my parents.  If not to help the Interceptors, then to get closure for myself.  I need to know why they did what they did and if they even know what happened to me.

“Hey, kid!  Brought ya somethin’!”

I look up as David comes in.  He’s grinning and hiding something behind his back.

“I thought you’d like some real food.”  He pulls a pink pastry box out from behind his back.  Donuts?  He brought me donuts?  Donuts are real food now?  He’s so excited about them that I can’t help but smile at his antics.  He’s like a kid in a candy store.

“Come on, you can pick what ya like!  I think I got all the different kinds.  And Matt’ll be up in a minute.  He’s bringing some milk.  I didn’t know what kind you like to drink so we bought chocolate and strawberry and regular kind, too, so dig in!”

I look over the selection.  He’s got some with sprinkles and some without, a few glazed ones and…is that one cream filled?  I pick up the chocolate donut and take a bite.  My mouth is flooded with Bavarian cream. 

David smirks at me.  “I thought so.  I knew you had good taste.”  He goes to the door and looks out.  After a minute, he steps back and Matthew comes through, followed by Travis, Cathy, Johnson, and ShÇŽo zhÇ”.  Johnson, ShÇŽo zhÇ” and Travis have more chairs and Cathy is helping Matthew carry the gallons of milk, cups and napkins.

I didn’t realize it was going to be a party.  Everyone gets a donut and some milk and David raises his glass.

“This may be a bit premature, but I think we have a reason to celebrate tonight.  With the information we’ve gotten from Carter and Kiri, Gage’s gonna go after Chase.  So thanks a lot, kid.  It’s all coming together because of you.”

He gestures to me with his cup of milk and grins.  I blush and take a drink so I don’t have to respond.  There is chuckling and someone adds “Here, here!”  I take my time with my milk, embarrassed.  Why, I’m not sure, but I am.

“Hey, make sure Kiri gets another one of those.  Sarah’s gonna try to stuff her with hospital food later.”

I roll my eyes at David.  He’s so melodramatic.  As I recall, the hospital food wasn’t all that bad.  David holds out the box of donuts to me.  I don’t think I can eat any more.  I shake my head.  He gives me a dubious look but shrugs and puts the box down on the table next to my bed.

There’s a knock on the door and everyone stops talking and looks at each other.  Are we busted?  Matthew answers the door and lets Sarah in.

“I hope you aren’t making yourself sick,” she says to me, a mock glare on her face.

I duck my head.  I know she isn’t mad, but it’s an ingrained response at this point.

“Want one, Sarah?” David asks, distracting her for me.

She takes a donut and winks at me.  “I expect you to eat something decent later.  Don’t make me put you on a drip, okay?”

I nod.  Sarah proceeds to check my eye again.  “This is looking better than it was earlier.  But…I’m still not sure how much of the damage will be permanent.”  I nod carefully.  I’m trying not to get my hopes up.  “So have you gotten any studying in for your GED?”

I nod.  I was studying at Cathy’s.  I think I’m almost ready to take the test, but I’m probably going to have to put it off for a bit.

“I can help you study while you’re here, if you like,” ShÇŽo zhÇ” offers. 

I look at Sarah.  Is that okay?

“That’s fine, but you’re not to overdo it and I don’t want you reading for a while yet.  You need to give your eye a chance to rest and heal.  Okay?”

I nod.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” has a satisfied smirk on his face.  Maybe I should have refused…he seems a little too happy about me doing homework.

Sarah turns to the group.  “Alright, everybody clear out.  I want Kiri resting.  And David, you can bring her food, but make sure it isn’t all sugar, okay?”

I hide a grin as David sticks his tongue out at her when she turns around.  Cathy gives me a hug before she leaves with Johnson.  I’m positive that there’s something going on between those two now.  And if not, there should be.  She did say that she would ask Travis to set her up with one of the Interceptors if she didn’t like the circus so much.  But if Johnson is supposed to be undercover at the circus anyway, maybe…

Matthew and ShÇŽo zhÇ” tell me good night and take the extra chairs out.  Travis and David clean up the donuts and David takes the food out. 

Travis comes over and wraps his arms around me.  “Thank you again.  I don’t know what I’d do without Cathy.”  He gives me a kiss on the cheek and I feel my cheeks turn red.  Still not used to that…

He lets me go and I grab the pen and paper.  ‘Does Cathy know that Johnson likes her?’

Travis raises an eyebrow.  “I’m not sure.”

‘I think they’d be cute together.’

Travis laughs.  “Well, I’ll be sure to let her know you think that.”

Roland comes in and raises an eyebrow at us. 

“Alright, Kiri.  Looks like Roland’s on duty tonight.  Let him know if you need anything.”

I nod and Travis leaves. 

Roland sits and stares at me.  It makes me uncomfortable.

“Have you thought about Gage’s proposal?”

I nod.

“And?”

I roll my eyes because he knows better than to ask open ended questions and write, ‘Yes, I’ll do it.’

Roland nods.  “Good.  Would you like something for dinner?”

I shrug.  I’m not really hungry after David’s treat, but I did promise Sarah I would eat something healthier.  Roland hands me the menu.  I decide on a grilled cheese sandwich.  Roland orders it for me, along with a side of mixed fruit and a glass of orange juice.

“You need the vitamin C,” he tells me in that monotone voice of his. 

We eat our dinners in silence and once I am done, Roland hands me the remote to the television.  I flip through the channels.  I don’t recognize much of anything that’s on.  I get his attention.

‘Do you see anything you want to watch?’

“No.  I don’t normally watch television.”

Oh.

Roland takes the remote from me and says, “Colonel Gage has approved for you to watch movies on the pay channel.”  He brings up the movies on demand list and scrolls through it.  I don’t recognize most of them. 

“You might like this one.”

It’s called “Sultry Nights in Camelot.”  I don’t think so.

‘What makes you think I’d like that?’

He shrugs.  “Adira watches it all the time.”

I snort and wonder just how many girls out there are named Adira.  Surely he couldn’t mean the Governor.  Then again, I did see him and David as her security detail for one of her speeches and it sounds like something she’d probably watch. 

‘I’d rather watch “X-Men: All-Stars.”’  I remember that one being advertised before I was taken.  I was supposed to go see it with Tanya and Courtney.  Hey, the guy playing Gambit is hot.  Much hotter than the guy that played him in the really old X-Men movies.

He looks surprised, but pleased with the choice.  I settle against the pillows and he starts the movie.  I fall asleep before it’s over.

29: Chapter 29

Chap. 29

I spend the next two weeks doing basically nothing.  I watch a bunch of movies.  Sometimes Cathy comes by.  I guess the circus is close enough right now, but she says that they’ll be moving farther out soon.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” helps me study for the GED test.  He thinks he can get permission to proctor the test for me so I can get it sooner.  That might be nice.  It would give me something to do.

Seriously, though.  I’ve been so bored that I’m tempted to ask David if he wants to go make trouble.    

Sarah has checked my eye every day this week.  She’s supposed to talk to me about it today, but I don’t think she has good news.  Each time she’s changed the bandages, I’ve tried to see but each time my vision has seemed to be worse.

“Kiri?  You okay?”

I nod, but I’m not sure Matthew believes me. 

“Sarah should be here any minute.  Do you want anything?”

I shake my head.

“Hmm.”  Now I know he doesn’t believe me.

He doesn’t say anything else until Sarah shows up.

“Good afternoon, Kiri.”

I nod a greeting in return.

“I have some good news and some bad news.  Which would you like first?”

Really?  That clichéd line?  I shrug.

“Okay then…bad news first.”  She takes a deep breath.  “I can’t save your eye.  I mean, you’ll still have it, but you won’t see out of it again.”  She sounds sad.  “I’m sorry.”

‘It’s okay.  I kind of expected that.’

“You did?”

I nod.  Not that expecting it makes it better, but at least I hadn’t gotten my hopes up.  That would have been a lot worse.

“Oh.  Well the good news is that I think I can fix your voice.”

‘Really?’

She nods, giving me a small smile.  “I’ve been doing some research and after looking at those scans we took a few days ago, all it should take is a simple surgical procedure.  But there are some risks involved.  If something goes wrong, you’ll never talk again.”

I think this over.  I’m not talking now.  If I don’t do it, I’ll always wonder if it could be fixed.  And what if it’s one of those things that can be fixed now, but not later?

‘Okay.  Let’s do it.’

Sarah gives me a serious look.  “You’re sure?”

I nod.

“Alright.  I’ll go set up the appointment and I’ll let you know when we can do it.  For now, let’s go ahead and get this bandage off your eye.  It’s as healed as it’s going to get.”

She takes the bandage off.  The only reason I can tell it’s off is because I can’t feel the sticky part of the bandage pulling on my skin anymore.  “Okay, Kiri.  I want you to keep your eyes open and stare straight ahead while I remove these stitches.”  I hold as still as I can while Sarah does something to my left eye.  There’s an odd feeling as something is removed from it, almost like my eye started breathing or something.  It’s totally weird.  “There we go. Do you need anything?”

I shake my head.  I wait for her to leave before getting up.  I want to see what my eye looks like now.  Matthew follows me as I head into the bathroom.

“Are you really okay, Kiri?”

I look into the mirror.  My left eye has scarring above and below, where the knife cut me.  My eye is still the same color, but there’s a line of black through my iris where the knife cut into my eye.

I start to cry.  I can’t help it.  As much as I expected not to get my sight back, the fact that I’ll never see out of my left eye again hits me hard.

Matthew wraps me up in a soft embrace.  “Shhh…it’s okay.  I know it sucks but it’ll be okay.”  He leads me back to the bed and sits next to me.  I lean into him as I cry.  Matthew gently rubs my back.  “That’s it…get it out,” he murmurs softly.

I don’t know how long I cry.  When I’m done, we just sit there.  I’m glad that Matthew can tell what I need.  Right now, I just need a friend.

“Why don’t we get some dinner?”

I shake my head.  I don’t feel like eating right now.

“Well, Travis is on duty tonight so if you get hungry, tell him.”

I nod.

“Why don’t we see if there’s a movie you want to watch?  Get your mind off of things for a bit?”

Okay.  I nod.  Matthew gets up to find the remote to the TV and I settle myself back on the pillows.  After running through the movie lists a couple of times I motion for Matthew to pick.  I’m just not in the mood to do anything right now.

Matthew picks something.  I stare at the TV but I have no idea what we’re watching.  I try to tell myself that I knew this was coming and it shouldn’t be such a big deal, but I’m not very convincing.

“What’re you watching?”  Travis’s voice breaks through my gloomy thoughts.

I shrug.  I have absolutely no idea what this movie is.

“Matthew?”

I continue to stare at the television.  I don’t care what they’re talking about.  I just…I just…

“Hey.”  Travis steps in front of me and kneels down next to the bed. “How are you doing?”

I shake my head.  He reaches out and wipes an errant tear from my cheek.  He sits next to me on the bed.  Wrapping an arm around me he says, “I don’t blame you for being upset.”

I wrap my arms around him and lean against his chest.  I’m sure it’ll be fine once I get used to it but for right now, it super sucks.

We just sit there for who knows how long.  He’s warm and I’m comfortable so as long as he doesn’t insist that I move, I’m not going to. 

“You should eat.”

I shake my head.  Don’t want to move.  I like it here.

Travis traces the scars over my eye with his thumb.  Okay…my hormones just woke up.  I look up at him.  He’s so…I dunno.  Cute seems wrong.  He’s not really handsome, though.  Hot.  That’s the word I’m looking for.  But he’s more than just that.  He’s totally sweet and he makes me feel safe. 

He leans down and kisses my forehead.  “You should eat.  If Sarah sets up your procedure for tomorrow you won’t get to eat again until it’s over with.”

He’s right, of course.  Fine then.  I sit up and Travis hands me the hospital’s menu.  I have to read through it four times before I finally settle for a chef salad.

When the food shows up, I find out that Travis ordered me a piece of chocolate cake, too.  It’s delicious and I really appreciate the comfort food tonight.

While we’re eating, Travis finds a movie.  I pay a little more attention to this one, but not by much.  Once we’re done eating, Travis takes our trays and passes them to someone in the hall.  Then he sits by me again.  He leans back against the pillows and gently pulls me down next to him.  I use his arm as a pillow while we watch the movie.

He’s warm next to me and I’m comfortable, making me no match for the sleep that overtakes me.

30: Chapter 30

Chap. 30

I wake up slowly.  I’m covered with a blanket and I’m snuggling with…a stuffed lion?  Where did this come from?  It’s cute and soft, though.  I sit up and look around.  Yeah, I’m still not used to having a blind side.

“Mornin’ kid.”

Oh goody.  David’s on nanny duty this morning.

“I’d offer you some breakfast, but Sarah said not to let you eat anything.”

I nod.  I look around for the paper and pen.  All I can find is the lion.  I slip off the bed and look in the drawer.  They’re not there either.  Where did…

“Looking for these?”

I look at David to see him playing with the paper and pen, smirking at me.

I nod and reach for them, but he pulls them out of my reach.

“Nope.  I don’t think so.”

What?  I scowl at him.  He continues to smirk at me.  I’d like to wipe that smirk off his face.  I cross my arms.  Why won’t he give them to me?

“Tell you what…I’ll give you these, if you don’t say anything to anyone about that lion.”

I raise an eyebrow.  I don’t get it.  I don’t even know where the lion came from.

“Ya wanna know why?”

I nod.

“Because you’re not supposed to have it.  I mean…you can have it, but Travis shouldn’t have given it to you.  He’ll get in trouble.”

I frown, but nod my agreement and David gives me the pen and paper.  ‘Why will Travis get in trouble?’

“Because, well, it’s policy that Agents aren’t supposed to fraternize with the people we help.”

‘Why?  I like Travis.’

David grins at me.  “Yeah, I figured.  The only time you seem to sleep without screaming your head off is when he’s on duty.”  I roll my eyes.  It’s not like I choose when to have nightmares.  “The policy is in place to prevent Agents from taking advantage of vulnerable victims.  Not that Travis would ever do that, but if anyone finds out, it’ll look bad.”

I nod.  I get it.  And I don’t want Travis in trouble on my account.

‘Why can’t I have anything to eat?’

“Oh yeah…Sarah’s got you scheduled for surgery in about an hour.”

Oh…okay.  Well…um…I guess that means I’ll be able to talk soon, huh?  Suddenly, I’m not hungry anyway.  I sit cross-legged on the bed and hug my lion.  I know I said I wanted her to fix my voice, but I’m still scared.  I’ve never had surgery before.  I even have all my wisdom teeth and my tonsils. 

“You okay?”  I look up to see a concerned look on David’s face.

I nod.  ‘Just nervous.’

He smiles at me.  “Don’t be.  Sarah’s the best.  She won’t let anything happen to ya.”

I give him a small smile in return.

“Hey, wanna watch TV until Sarah comes to get you?”

I nod.  A distraction is good right now.  David picks a cartoon that I’ve never seen before.  It’s actually pretty funny, even if the jokes are outdated.  He tells me it’s from just before the turn of the century.  There are three main characters, two boys and a girl, I think they’re supposed to be dogs, but they run around a movie studio creating mayhem.  David tells me that a lot of the sketches are spoofs of really old movies that were popular at the time.  Some of the jokes don’t make sense.  David tells me he tried looking up a couple of them and they still didn’t make sense.  Maybe they’re not supposed to.

There is a knock and I hug my lion harder as David goes to open the door.  Sarah comes in.

“Are you ready?”

No.  I nod.

“Nervous?”

Yes.  I shake my head.

David smirks at me.  “Liar.”

I stick my tongue out at him.

“Alright.  David leave her alone.”  Sarah sits at the end of my bed and looks at me.  “I wanted to go over what is going to happen, okay?”

I nod.

“The first thing I’m going to do is put this small mask over your nose.  It will allow you to breathe in a gas that will keep you unconscious while we perform the procedure.  Once the gas takes effect, I’ll start by using a special tool to open your windpipe a bit because it’s been crushed one too many times.”

I know she’s trying to keep things light, but the fact is that she’s right.  I swallow.  I’m trying not to let my nerves get the better of me, but they’re winning.  I realize that Sarah hasn’t quit talking and I’ve missed everything she’s going to do after opening my windpipe.  I guess I’ll just have to take David’s word for it that she’s the best.

“Okay, Kiri?”

I nod.  I have no idea what’s about to happen to me, but maybe that’s for the best.  If I knew, it might make me even more nervous.

“Right then.  First things first.  I want you to lie down and I’m going to put this mask in place.  That’s it.  Just breathe normally through your nose.”

The mask over my nose is uncomfortable, but as I breathe in the gas, I don’t notice it as much.  In fact, I don’t feel anything at all.  It’s kind of cool.  I feel like I’m floating.  I wonder if I could get to the moon if I had three and a half cups of sugar…

31: Chapter 31

Chap. 31

I hear voices floating in and out.  I think I might recognize some of them, but I’m not sure.  My body feels really heavy.  As I lie there, my body slowly wakes up.  I think the TV is on.

“I call.”

“Aw, Travis, how do you always win?”

“Because he doesn’t have any tells, David.”

I crack my eyes open.  David, ShÇŽo zhÇ” and Travis have pulled the small table that was next to my bed into the middle of the room and they’re playing cards. 

David’s back is to me.  He stands and stretches.  “Yeah, well, I’m not sure how much more I can afford to lose.”  He keeps his hands behind his head as he turns.  “Hey, kid!  How ya feeling?”

“DAVID!  You know she isn’t supposed to try and talk yet!” ShÇŽo zhÇ” reprimands.  “Sorry, Kiri.  You have to stay silent for a few more days.”

Like that’s anything new for me?  I nod and close my eyes again.  I’m tired.

“The drugs’ll wear off soon,” I hear Travis comment.  Though, whether it’s for my benefit or someone else’s, I’m not sure.  It doesn’t matter.  “Did Sarah say if she could have anything to eat, ShÇŽo zhÇ”?”

“Hmm…no, but I need to get her so she can check Kiri’s progress.”  There is a scraping sound from a chair and then the door opens and closes.

A cool hand gently brushes my cheek; a thumb is run across my left eyebrow.  It feels nice.  There is a light knock on the door.  I feel an odd sense of loss when the hand leaves. 

“I thought you said she was awake.”

“She is, Sarah.”

I crack my eyes open.  Sarah is standing between Travis and ShÇŽo zhÇ” by the door.

“It always takes her a while to come out of it when she’s been drugged,” Travis adds with a shrug.  “She comes out of it better if she gets some food in her system.”

Sarah looks at me.  “Good afternoon, Kiri.”

Says her.  The room starts spinning and I clench my eyes shut.  Stop the world…I wanna get off.

“Okay, Kiri, I need you to open your mouth for me.”

I open up.  I can feel her poking down my throat with something and have to resist the urge to gag. 

“This looks really good.”  I open my eyes as Sarah takes a flashlight and a mirror out of my mouth.  “I think it would be best if you ate ice cream for a few meals, just until the swelling goes down.  And no carbonated drinks.  Water or milk would probably be best.  Swallowing is probably going to feel funny for a bit.”  I nod.  “And you shouldn’t try to talk for a few more days.”

I nod again and Sarah leaves.  Travis brings me a paper and pen.

“What kind of ice cream do you like?  The cafeteria has a soft-serve machine with chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.”

Hmmm…I actually haven’t had ice cream since I got sick that one time with Cathy and before that it was before I got taken.

‘Strawberry.’

Travis nods and moves to the phone to order some for me.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” moves over to the table and starts cleaning up the card game they were playing.

The world is still going full tea cup so I shut my eyes again.  I listen as Travis and ShÇŽo zhÇ” put the room back in order.

“Would you like some water?” Travis asks.

I crack my right eye open and nod.  Shouldn’t have done that.  I squeeze my eye shut again and bury my face into the pillow.  I feel like I’m going to throw up.

“Dizzy?”  This time it’s ShÇŽo zhÇ” asking.

I nod against the pillow.  I’m SO going to throw up. 

A hand gently rubs my back.

“Kiri, I want you to keep your eyes shut and roll onto your back.”

I do as Travis tells me. 

“Just keep your eyes shut.”

I panic as a hand slips under my neck and I am lifted until I’m partially sitting.  I reach out, trying to find something to lessen the feeling of free-fall and grab onto a shirt.  At least I hope it’s a shirt. 

“Relax, I’ve got you,” Travis soothes.  I relax a little.  “Here you go.” 

I feel a cup gently pressing to my lips and I take a sip of cool water.  And I almost choke on it.  Sarah wasn’t kidding when she said swallowing would feel weird.

“Are you okay?”

I nod slightly, not daring to open my eyes.

“Did that hurt?”

Not really…it was just uncomfortable.  I let go of Travis’s shirt and move my hand back and forth to say ‘so-so’.

“Well, Sarah did say it would feel odd to swallow.  Maybe it would be better to wait for the ice cream.  The cold should numb your throat and maybe it won’t be so bad.”

I nod again and Travis lowers me back to the pillow.  Oh, this sucks…Do I really want to talk this badly?  It’s a bit late to change my mind now.  I curl up on my side with my back to the room.  I just want everything to stop spinning.

I must have dozed off because a hand gently shaking my shoulder makes me jump into wakefulness.  I look up in surprise and learn too late what a bad idea it was to move my head so fast.  I can feel bile rushing up my throat and quickly cover my mouth.  Travis seems to understand what’s happening because the next thing I know, he picks me up and rushes me into the bathroom, where I barely manage to throw up in the toilet.

Unfortunately, since I haven’t really had anything to eat, it’s almost all stomach acid, which burns a LOT.  I can’t stop the tears from forming in my eyes as I shut them so I won’t have to look at the partially digested mess.  It hurts, alright?  Now I’m throwing up and crying and I don’t feel good and my throat hurts and I just want it all to stop.

“It’s okay, Kiri.”  Travis is gently rubbing my back as I dry heave.  It hurts, but I can’t make my body stop.  There’s nothing left to throw up…get the message already!  “Shhh…it’s okay.  Just relax.  Think about something else.”

It takes me a few minutes but I finally manage to conjure up a mental picture of the circus and calm down enough for my body to quit trying to throw up my intestines.

“That’s it.  Do you think you’re done?”

I nod carefully and open my eyes.  What I see is blood.  I’ve thrown up blood!  I fly into full panic mode and stand up quickly, taking a step backwards and end up against the wall in the small space.  I stare at the blood that I’ve just thrown up.  That isn’t a good thing.  I know that.

“Kiri, I want you to calm down.  I want you to come over here and rinse out your mouth.”  Travis gently grabs my chin and forces me to look at him instead of the bloody mess.  “I want you to calm down.  Come rinse out your mouth so Sarah can get a decent look at your throat, okay?”

I nod and Travis guides me carefully to the sink and hands me a plastic cup of water.   I swish the water around in my mouth and start to freak out again as I spit out more blood.

“Calm down.  Rinse again.”

I do as he says and this time there is less blood, but the water is still tainted a rusty orange-red color.

“One more time.”

Again, I do as I’m told and there is less blood this time.  That’s got to be a good thing…right?  I do it one more time, just for good measure and there’s even less blood and most of the acidic, coppery taste is gone now.  I want to brush my teeth, but I don’t know if that will make it harder for Sarah to tell what’s wrong with me, so I don’t.

“Come on, Kiri.  Rest in the bed while we notify Sarah.”  Travis puts an arm around me and guides me out of the bathroom.  “ShÇŽo zhÇ”, contact Sarah.  She needs to look at Kiri right away.”

I am vaguely aware of the door opening and closing as Travis helps me back into the bed.  He helps me adjust the bed so I don’t have to lie down. 

Sarah and ShÇŽo zhÇ” burst into the room and Travis reacts by stepping in front of me and pulling a gun on them.

“Put that away, Bennett,” ShÇŽo zhÇ” orders, obviously annoyed.  Travis puts his gun away without a word.

“What’s going on?  ShÇŽo zhÇ” said it was urgent.”  Sarah’s question diffuses the mood.

Travis takes Sarah into the bathroom and explains that I got sick and threw up blood.  I realize that they’re looking at the mess I left in the toilet.  GROSS!  I’ll never be a doctor.  They have to do way too many nasty things.

Sarah comes over to me.  “Okay, Kiri.  Let me look.”

I open my mouth and Sarah puts the flashlight and mirror back down my throat.  It seems to take an eternity.  Am I dying or not?

Sarah finally takes the flashlight and mirror out of my mouth and steps back.  “Everything looks fine, Kiri.  I think what you threw up was the blood we missed suctioning out as we performed the surgery.  The stitches are secure.  Your throat is a bit raw, which is to be expected after all that stomach acid that just passed through it.  I want you to let me know if it happens again, though.  If you keep throwing up, your stomach acid could eat through your stitches and we don’t want that.”

I nod carefully.

Sarah smiles at me.  “I want you to relax.  You’ll heal better.”  She turns to Travis.  “Make sure she gets some ice cream.  The dairy in it will help coat her stomach and the cold will soothe her throat.”

Travis nods.  “Already on it.”

“Good.”  Sarah turns back to me.  “Let me know if you need anything else, okay?”

I nod again.  Sarah leaves and ShÇŽo zhÇ” follows her.  Travis comes back over to me.

“Hmm…it’s a little melted, but not soup yet.” 

What?

Travis grabs a Styrofoam bowl off the table next to my bed.  I guess that was why he was trying to wake me up earlier.  I hadn’t even noticed it.

He starts to hand me the bowl, but stops and frowns.  “You’re shaking pretty badly.  Let me help you?”

Between the drugs, the puking and the shock of throwing up blood, I am pretty shaken up.  I’d probably end up dropping the ice cream in my lap.  I nod.

He feeds me.  At first, I really don’t like the idea.  But, as the ice cream soothes my throat and I quit shaking so much, I let myself relax and enjoy the attention.  We’re the only ones in the room, so it isn’t embarrassing.  It’s actually pretty nice.

“Are you feeling better now?” Travis asks me once the ice cream is gone.

I nod.

Travis leans closer to me and brushes my bangs back.  I should probably get them trimmed.

“Good,” he says softly and gently kisses me on the lips.

Mmmmm…me likey.

“You should rest,” Travis says, pulling away.

Fiiiine…but only because it will make Travis happy.  I settle against the pillows and adjust the bed a little.  Travis pulls a chair close to the bed and turns on the TV, flipping through the channels.

I fall asleep with Travis holding my hand, his thumb gently running across my knuckles.

32: Chapter 32

Chap. 32

“Okay, Kiri.  This looks really good.”  Sarah pulls the flashlight and mirror out of my throat.  It’s been a week since she fixed my throat and she hasn’t let me talk yet.  “So, have you thought about what you’d like to say first?”

Sort of.  I nod.

“Well, go ahead and say it.”  She smiles at me. 

“Thank you.”  My voice is soft and a bit raspy, but it doesn’t hurt to talk anymore.  I give Sarah a smile.  “Thank you, Sarah.”

“You’re very welcome, Kiri.  Now, I don’t want you to try and talk too loudly or too much.  You need to work up to it okay?”

I nod.

“Good.  Let me know if your throat starts to bother you at all.  And stick with softer foods for a few more days just to be on the safe side.”

“Okay.”  I lean back.  I’ve got the bed set up so I can sit up comfortably.

Sarah leaves me, letting David in as she goes.

“Hey kid, how ya feelin’?”

“Better.”

He does a double take.  “It speaks!”

I roll my eyes at him as he pretends to have a heart attack from shock.  He’s such a dork. 

He gets up off the floor, grinning at me.  “So, inquiring minds want to know, how does it feel to be able to talk again?”

Honestly, I’m not sure I’m comfortable with it.  “Well…I…I’m still a little scared to talk.”

He frowns at me.  “Why is that?”

“Because if Perdu…um, Chase, finds out that I talked without his permission, he’ll…”

“You don’t need that jerk’s permission to do anything,” David interrupts me.  “We’re going to get him.  I promise you that and David Jacobs doesn’t lie.”

I sigh.  “You wouldn’t understand,” I say quietly and turn my back to him. 

“Hey Kiri…I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to make you upset,” he says quietly.

“I know.”  I don’t turn around.  I’m not sure I understand why I still don’t want to talk.  I know that Travis and David and Matthew are doing everything they can to protect me, but…I think I’m afraid that their best isn’t going to be good enough.  He found me once, he can find me again.

“What was that?  I didn’t quite catch it.”

Crap.  I said that out loud.  Oh well.  “I said if he found me once, he can find me again.”

“Look, Kiri—”

“David,” I interrupt, “Sarah said I’m not supposed to talk too much right now.”  I bury my face into my pillow.

“Now just one second!” David grabs my shoulder and forces me to face him.  “Aw, hey, don’t cry,” he says softly.  “Come here.”  He gently wraps his arms around me. 

I cry into his shoulder.  If he finds me he’ll take me.  If he finds out I avoided him, he’ll beat me.  If he finds out I talked, he’ll kill me.  If he talks to Carter, he’ll know where I was hiding and who to go after to get to me and who to threaten or hurt to make me cooperate.

“Okay, okay…everything’s gonna be okay.”

How can he be so sure?  He obviously doesn’t know how far he’ll go to get what he wants.

There’s a soft knock on the door.

“Who is it?” David asks, not letting me go.

“Matthew.”

“Come in.”

The door opens and Matthew comes over.

“What’s going on, David?”

“She’s scared that Chase’ll find out she’s here and hurt her for talkin’ to us.”

“Oh Kiri…” Matthew reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.  “I told you before that we’ll do everything we can to keep you safe.  That’s not going to change now.”

I nod against David’s shoulder and try to stop crying.  It takes me a few minutes, but I manage it.

There’s a knock on the door and Matthew goes to answer.  Roland is standing there.  Matthew looks at me, still wrapped in David’s arms and goes into the hall with Roland.

“Ya okay?”

I nod.  David lets me go and gently brushes a tear from my cheek.  “He won’t get away with this.  I want you to stop worrying about him.  That’s our job, got it?”

I nod again.

“Alright.  Have you had lunch yet?”

“No.”

“Are ya hungry?”

I shrug.  I don’t know.  Nothing sounds good.

“Hm…well…um…”  David scratches the back of his head.

Matthew comes back in.  “Kiri, are you okay?”

I nod.

“Roland said that Colonel Gage wants to speak to you.  I asked him to have her speak to you tomorrow.”

“Thank you.”  I know what she wants.  And right now, I don’t know if I can handle it.

“We already got her Kiri’s statement,” David says.  “What more could she want?”

“She wants…she wants me to confront my parents.  She thinks…she thinks they might tell me stuff that they won’t tell you guys.”  I shut my eyes and focus on not bursting into tears again.

“That makes sense, I guess.  I’m going to talk to her about it.”  Matthew’s tone makes me look up at him.  “I don’t like the idea of sending you in there alone.  They obviously aren’t overly concerned for your welfare.  They could try something again.”

I nod in agreement.  That’s why I’m afraid of this task.  But I need answers.  I need to know why they allowed him to keep me so long and why they didn’t report my disappearance. 

“Don’t stress, okay?  We’ll get it figured out,” David assures me.  “For now, why don’t you relax?  Matt, can you watch her for a bit?  I wanna go get something to eat and Kiri says she’s not hungry.”

“Why don’t you just order from the cafeteria?”

“One, I don’t like their food. And two, they don’t have what I wanna eat.  It won’t take me long.”

Matthew rolls his eyes.  “That’s fine, David.”

David shoots Matthew a grin and says, “I’ll be back before ya know it.”

He leaves and Matthew turns to me.  “Would you like to watch a movie?”

“Sure.”

Matthew finds something and we watch in silence.  David comes back before the end of the movie and Matthew leaves.  David tries to get me to eat again but I’m just not feeling like it right now.  By the time ShÇŽo zhÇ” comes to take the night shift, I still haven’t eaten.  I’m dreading tomorrow.  Maybe I should have had Matthew tell Colonel Gage to talk to me today and get it over with.  I hate this.

33: Chapter 33

Chap. 33

“You sure you’re okay with this, Kiri?”

Do I really have a choice at this point?  “I…I think so, Matthew.”

Matthew sighs.  “I still don’t like this,” he mutters.

“Yeah, well, that’s why you’re goin’ in with her,” David says as he straps a bracelet around my wrist.  “This is a tracker, so keep it on, okay?”

I nod and focus on keeping calm.  Two days ago, Colonel Gage met with me and went over this whole plan.  I’m supposed to get my parents to tell me how they’re associated with Chase.  I want to know why they let him take me and why they didn’t report me missing.  But wanting to know doesn’t mean I’m not nervous about this whole venture.  The van we’re in goes around a turn and I’m glad that I’m buckled in.  I don’t know how David and Matthew didn’t fall over.

“Alright, Kiri…let’s go over this one last time.  I will escort you into your parent’s apartment.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” and David will be in the van, listening to anything that is said through the microphone in your bracelet, so whatever you do, don’t lose it.  Travis and Roland will be standing guard in the hallway in case we need them.  If your parents do anything suspicious while I’m in there with you, we’ll take charge of the situation immediately.”

“Yes, Matthew and if anything goes wrong after you leave I’m supposed to work the word “hockey” into my conversation.”

David grins at me.  “Yup.  And if anything seems off from our end, I’ll send ShÇŽo zhÇ” in as backup.  So there’s nothing for you to worry about.  You’ll be just fine.”

“With any luck we’ll have you in and out in a matter of a few hours,” Roland says.  He’s busy doing something on a computer.  Travis is driving and ShÇŽo zhÇ” is in the front of the van with him, probably keeping watch for anything suspicious.  “Once we get them to admit their involvement with Chase, we’ll extract you.”

You know, I still kind of hope that my parents were blackmailed and really did miss me.  Unfortunately, there’s just too much evidence against it.  Apparently, while I was hiding at the circus, Roland had a talk with my parents.  They insisted that I wasn’t gone very long and that I was at his house voluntarily.  Roland told me he tried to get them to admit that I’d been gone longer or at least that they knew Chase had taken me against my will, but he said that they refused to cooperate.  Hence the reason I’m going in as…well, I feel like bait to be honest.

The van stops and the engine dies.

ShÇŽo zhÇ” opens the back of the van and climbs in.  “We’re here.  Is everything set?”

“Kiri’s tracker is online.  Matthew, is your earpiece functional?”

“Yes, Roland.”  Matthew turns to me.  “Are you ready?”

No.  “I…I guess so.”

Travis climbs into the van with us and says, “We’ll have to move the van in a few minutes to avoid suspicion.”

“Right.  Let’s get a move on,” Roland orders.

David takes up position at the computers as the rest of us climb out.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” gets into the front and drives off while Travis walks nonchalantly ahead of us into the apartment building.  Matthew walks next to me on my blind side and Roland trails behind, looking for all the world like he doesn’t have anything to do with Matthew and me.  The building we go into is not where I was living five years ago.  This is a worse part of town than we were living before and the building looks rundown.  There are bars on the lower windows and the fire escapes make me wonder if staying inside during a fire wouldn’t be safer. 

“Everything will be fine.  Just calm down,” Matthew tells me softly, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

We walk into the apartment complex and go over to the elevator.  Travis is headed up the stairs.  Roland waits for the elevator with us, but continues to act as though he doesn’t know us.  Once inside the elevator Roland turns to me.

“Get them to talk as soon as possible.  The sooner we wrap this up the better for everyone.”

I nod.  My mouth is suddenly very dry.  The elevator stops and Roland gets out first, heading down the hall in the opposite direction that Matthew and I head.  Travis appears at the end of the hall ahead of us.

“Here it is,” Matthew says softly, stopping in front of a door.  I glance down the hall at Travis and he gives me a small nod.  “Ready?”

I pull my attention back to the task at hand and tell myself that everything will be just fine before nodding.  Matthew knocks.

The door opens a bit.  “What do you want?”

“D-Daddy?”  I was always a daddy’s girl and for this to work, Matthew told me that I need to pretend that I don’t know that they were involved.

“Amanda?”  The door opens wider and my father is standing there, wearing old jeans and an old t-shirt.  He looks like he’s lost a lot of weight since I saw him last.  He looks me over quickly and turns his attention to Matthew.  “And who are you?”

“My name is Matthew Parker.  I heard about your plight and wanted to help.  So I pulled a few strings in order to guarantee your daughter’s safe return.”

“And threw around a bit of money in the process, I’d wager,” my father adds.  “Yeah, I know who you are.  Come in and we’ll have a chat.”

“Thank you, sir.”

I follow Matthew into my parent’s apartment.  It’s really…dirty.  This isn’t how they used to live.  I wonder where my mom is.

“Delia!  You decent?”

“I’m always decent,” my mom’s voice comes from what appears to be a kitchen.

“Get out here.  We got company.”  I don’t think I ever realized just how…uneducated my parents sounded before. 

My mom comes out wearing a tank top and shorts.  She looks…well, trashy.  She’s got on way too much makeup and she’s dyed her dark hair blonde, but her roots are showing.  I’m sort of beginning to wonder if these aren’t just doppelgangers for my parents.

My mom’s eyes widen as she sees me.  “Amanda?  What’re you doing here?”

I honestly don’t know.  This was a waste of time.  They aren’t really glad to see me, I can tell.  They almost sound put out.

“H-hi, mom.”

She’s about to say something when she notices Matthew.  “Well, aren’t you cuter than a monkey with a puppy?”

Say what?  Just who are these people and what did they do with my parents?

“Um…thank you,” Matthew responds. 

“Get us some beers, woman.”  My father turns to me.  “Make yourself useful and go help your mom.”

I nod and follow my mother into the kitchen.  As soon as we’re in the kitchen my mother rounds on me.

“Just what do you think you’re doing?  If you cooperated with those Interceptors there will be hell to pay.  Now take this out to your father.”  She shoves two beers into my hands. I turn to go and she says, “Just one more thing.  If you want to make up for all your screwing up you can convince that CEO out there to sleep with you.”

I turn in surprise.  “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.  You get him to knock you up with his heir and we’ll be set for life.  Now get to it.”

I’m still trying to process what she just told me to do as she bustles me out the door.  I numbly go over to where my father and Matthew are sitting in the living area and hand my father a beer.  Matthew declines, which I kind of figured he would.

“Not a drinkin’ man?” My father asks.  He’s trying to sound casual, but I can tell he’s offended.

“Alcohol and I don’t get along very well,” Matthew answers casually.  “I actually have a slight allergy to hops.”

“Oh, well that’s a shame.”  My father is placated by the explanation.  He takes a swig of his beer and I’m about to take the other one back to the kitchen when he says, “Leave it.”  I put it on the table next to him.

“So, Mr. Parker, I know you said that you secured Amanda’s release, but can I ask you why you bothered?  Our lawyer would have gotten her back without your intervention.”

“Well, sir, I just couldn’t sit idly by.  If one innocent girl is allowed to be taken hostage in order for the Interceptors to coerce people into confessing to crimes they didn’t commit, then what’s to stop them from doing it again?”

“Well put.  So let me ask you, how much of my daughter’s company have you had the opportunity of enjoying?”

I don’t know how Matthew manages to keep a straight face.  I’m disgusted and have to work hard not to show it. 

“Your daughter has behaved like a perfect lady.”

My father snorts.  “Yeah, well…I’m sure you’d like something in return for your kindness.”

“That isn’t necessary,” Matthew says quickly.  “I’m just happy that I was able to do some good.”

“Nonsense.  Strong, young, virile man like yourself must want something in return.”

Oh dear.  He isn’t going to let this go.

“Not at all,” Matthew answers smoothly.  I don’t know if my father catches it, but I can hear the steel in Matthew’s voice.  “As I said, I’m just happy to help.”

My mother comes in and gives me a look that says I’d better try harder or I’ll catch it.  This isn’t good.  I swallow and nod.  She turns back to my father and Matthew.

“Will you be joining us for dinner?”

“Of course he is,” my father answers for Matthew.  “Can’t let him go away without something for his troubles.”

“Well come on, Amanda.  Let’s get somethin’ respectable put together for dinner.”  My mother pulls me into the kitchen.  “Get to work.  I know you were trained to cook.  And make it good.  You’ve got your work cut out for you.  I’m sure someone like him should be easy to get into bed with you, what with all the stress he’s under.”

I try to block her out as I look for something I can use to make a meal out of.  I can’t believe they’re trying to whore me out.  Well, that’s not true.  They obviously did it before.  I guess I can’t believe they’re being so obvious about it right in front of me.  I know Matthew wouldn’t ever go along with it, but…but what if he has to pretend?  Oh, this whole thing is so screwed up.  Why couldn’t they just let me go back into hiding or declare me dead or something? 

I end up cooking the entire meal by myself.  My mother was no help and I had to find my way around the unfamiliar kitchen by myself as well.  She sat back and watched instead of offering to help me.  My mother looks at what I cooked.  “Hmph. I guess it’ll have to do.”

What did she expect?  And I think that pulling together Chicken Cordon Bleu out of thin air is pretty darn good.

I set the table and announce that dinner is ready.  We sit around the table, my father still trying to imply that Matthew can have me while he and I both try to ignore the not-subtle hints and eat the meal.  I don’t think a more awkward meal has ever occurred.  I know he’s just as relieved as I am when it’s over.  I clean up the meal while my mother watches.

Matthew finally convinces my father that he needs to leave and I really wish he wouldn’t.  I don’t know what’s going to happen after he leaves, but with as annoyed as my parents seem to be, I don’t think it will be good.  I’m not sure I can get them to talk, either.  This whole thing is a colossal waste of time.  Maybe, if I can’t convince my parents to talk, the Interceptors will give up and just get me out tomorrow.  I may suggest it into my transmitter before I go to sleep tonight.  I don’t want to stay here a moment longer than absolutely necessary.  Something feels bad about this whole thing.

Matthew bids us all a good evening and the door shuts behind him, leaving me alone with people who have been trying to sell my body without my consent all evening.  I wonder if David will tease Matthew about that.

“Well, what are you doing here, girl?” my father demands.

“I…I was taken and Mr. Parker brought me back,” I manage.  I don’t know what he wants to know.  But I know what I want to know.  “I’ve been gone for five years.  Didn’t you notice?” I ask quietly.

“Watch your tone, girl,” my father snaps.  “Of course we noticed.  We sold you.”

“Why?  Did I do something wrong?”  I knew it.  It was all on purpose.

My mother snorts.  “I guess you could call it that.  We needed money and you were expensive to keep.  Then this guy offers to buy you off of us and the price was right.”

“Do you have any idea who you sold me to?”  Now I’m mad.

“Of course we did.  We’re not stupid.”

Could’ve fooled me. 

“And we made sure he wouldn’t actually have his way with you until you were a legal adult…unless you initiated it of course,” my father adds.

Well, how nice.  That explains why he wanted me to attend him willingly.  But not why he didn’t just take me a year ago.  Maybe he liked the idea or the challenge of getting me to initiate…contact.

“And just what did you get in return?” I ask.  Hey, I wanna know how much I was worth to them.

“Enough.  And a guaranteed lifetime fix.  Speakin’ of which, I think I’m about due for another hit.”  My father goes into another room.

They sold me out for drugs?  Well, ain’t I just special?

“Yeah well, now that we’ve got ya back we might as well get a little more out of ya before we send you back.”

“I don’t believe this.  Am I really so…expendable in your eyes?”

“Watch your tone, brat.  I knew we shoulda dumped you as soon as we got landed with you.  You been nothin’ but trouble since day one.”

I’m not sure what hurts worse, the words or the tone.  “If…if you didn’t want me, why did you have me in the first place?”

“We didn’t.”

What?  “I-I don’t understand.”

My mother snorts.  “Of course you don’t.  Although, maybe I shoulda told you sooner.  You ain’t mine.”

I’m still trying to process this admission when she continues.

“Your father had an affair and the slut died giving birth to you.  They dumped you on us and I’ve had to slave taking care of you.  But not anymore.  Not anymore.”

She gets a maniacal look in her eye.  I instinctively step backwards.  My father comes out of the other room. 

“Time for bed.  Big day tomorrow.”

Ohhhh….do I have to stay the night here?

“Come on, girl.  You’ll sleep in the back room.”

I skirt around…Delia and follow my father to the back room.  It’s full of boxes.  There’s just enough room for me to sleep on the floor under the window.  I chance a glance out the window.  We’re eight stories up and there is no fire escape attached to this window.

“Here.”  My father throws a blanket at me.  “Don’t get any ideas about leaving.  We’ll sort everything out tomorrow.”

I nod…what else can I do?  He leaves and I hear the click of a lock.  I don’t believe this.  They sold me out for drugs and now my mom isn’t even my mom.  They knew what they did to me and they’re okay with it.  I sink down and draw my knees up.  I pull the blanket around my shoulders and start to cry.  Why did I have to agree to talk to them? 

“Kid?”

I jerk my head up.  “D-David?”

“Are you alone?” he asks softly.  His voice is coming from my bracelet.  I didn’t know it went both ways.

“Y-yes.”

“You okay?”

“Physically, yes…otherwise…not so much,” I tell him softly.  I don’t want my par-…my father and Delia to hear me.

“I heard.  Sorry.”

“Thanks.”

“They didn’t specifically admit to working with Chase, but I think trying to get you to seduce Matthew and admitting to selling you for drugs and money is enough.  Get to the door and we’ll get you out of there.”

“I can’t.  I’m locked in.”

“Okay.  Where in the apartment are you now?”

“In a back room.  There’s no fire escape on the window so I can’t get out.”

“Is there a fire escape on the window below yours?”

I look. “Y-yeah.”

“Can you jump that far?”

“David…if I tell you something do you promise not to laugh?”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“I’m petrified of heights.  Even looking out of this window makes me want to vomit.”

“Hm.  That complicates things.  Are you sure you can’t just close your eyes and jump?”

I open the window and lean out.  A wave of dizziness passes over me and I quickly step back inside and shut the window.  “I can’t, David.  I’m sorry…I can’t.”  My heart is pounding so hard I’m afraid it’s going to pop out of my chest.  I hate being afraid of heights.  Why couldn’t I have been afraid of snakes instead?

“Okay, calm down.  Can you hang tight until morning then?  If we send Matthew in to get you with some story about…well, wanting to take them up on their offer, do you think they’ll let you go with him?”

“I don’t know.  It’s worth a shot.”

“Okay then, that’s the plan Amanda.”

“David?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you please not call me that?  I prefer Kiri.”

“Sure thing, Kiri.  Now, you should get some sleep if you can.  We’re monitoring the situation and Matthew planted a few bugs for us so we ought to know everything that’s going on.”

“Okay.  I don’t know that I’ll sleep, but I’ll try.”

“Good enough.  G’night kid.”

“Night, David.”

As predicted I can’t sleep.  Instead, I shiver through the night.  It’s cold and this threadbare blanket isn’t enough.  David doesn’t talk to me anymore, but I feel better knowing that my bracelet works.  I only hope they get me first thing in the morning.  I want out of here.

I watch the sun come up.  It takes forever.  I hear my father and Delia start to stir and I decide it’s probably better if they don’t catch me unawares.  I fold up the blanket and stand at the window as I wait for them to let me out.  I don’t have to wait long.  I hear the lock click and the door bangs open.

“Get out here and make my breakfast.”

I quickly move to the kitchen.  I don’t say anything.  I don’t want a beating.  There isn’t much in the cupboards.  There’s hardly anything in the refrigerator.  I settle for making omelets.  I’m setting the food on the table when my father comes into the dining area.

“What the hell is this?”

“I…I made breakfast like you asked.”

“Where are the biscuits and gravy?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that’s what you wanted.  If you’ll give me a few minutes—”

I cringe as my father swipes his hand across the table, scattering plates of food everywhere.  “You worthless little whelp!  Do you think I have time to wait for you to get it right?”  He moves toward me and I back away.  “Don’t run from me you little whore!  Come over here!”

I take a tiny step towards him.  I’m shaking so bad that I don’t think I’ll be able to cook without burning myself now.

“I said get over here.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I take another tiny step.  “P-please give me an-nother ch-chance.”

He closes the distance between us.  “You had your share of chances.  Now clean up this mess you made!”

He grabs my arm and throws me to the floor.  I cut my hand on a broken plate.  Instead of crying out I bite my lip and start to clean up the mess.  I hope David’s listening and has sent Matthew already. 

“Hurry up!”

I collect as much of the mess as I can and stand up to take it into the kitchen.  I’ll need to make more than one trip.  As I come back out of the kitchen my father grabs me by the throat and slams me against the wall.

“I SAID CLEAN UP THIS MESS YOU DISGUSTING LITTLE SLUT!”

I whimper.  It doesn’t matter that I was working on it.  He’s just like him. 

“SHUT!” Slam. ”UP!” Slam.

He lets me go and I crumple to the floor.  I can’t see straight but just before I black out I manage to mutter “Hockey.”

34: Chapter 34

Chap. 34

The first thing I notice as I come around is that I’m cold.  My head is throbbing.  My shoes and socks are gone.  I wonder where they are…I like those shoes.  There’s something heavy on my right ankle.  I move my leg and hear a clinking noise.  I’m chained up!  Where am I?

“Don’t bother faking it.  I know you’re awake.”

It’s him.  It has to be a dream, right?  Wake up, Wake Up, WAKE UP!  It’s too cold to be a dream.  He has me again.  HOW?!?!?  My tracker bracelet is gone, too.  I start to panic.  How will the Interceptors find me?  I start to shiver, a little bit from the cold, but mostly from fear.  I’m sure that he will pick up where he left off.

“Get up.”

I don’t dare disobey, no matter how much my head pounds.  I push myself up and carefully turn my head, getting a look at the room I’m in.  It’s a large cement room that makes me think of dungeons from the middle ages.  I’m shackled to the wall by my ankle and on the other side of the room are two other prisoners.  I gasp as I recognize Matthew and ShÇŽo zhÇ”.  They’re bound both at the ankles and the wrists to the wall. 

“That’s right.  Your friends can’t help you now.”

“Let them go,” I whisper.

“SILENCE!”  He backhands me.  Not hard enough to knock me over, but I barely keep my balance and it’s hard enough to hurt.  I’m sure he left a mark.

“Leave her alone!” Matthew yells.

He stalks over to Matthew.  “Don’t you see?  It’s because of you that I have to punish her.  She was quite obedient before you had the audacity to take her away and now she needs to be retrained.”

Matthew glares at him.  “Only cowards hit women.”

He smirks.  “So you’d prefer I hit you?”  He punches Matthew in the jaw.

I can’t keep from crying out as he does.  Matthew has never been anything but nice to me. 

He turns and saunters back to me, glaring.  “What did I just tell you?”

I look down.  He lifts my chin so I am looking into his eyes—eyes that hold something sinister within their depths.  “That’s better.”  He looks at ShÇŽo zhÇ” and Matthew, smirks and then looks back at me.  “You’ll behave now, won’t you?”

I don’t move.  I have to keep him from hurting them.  He presses his lips to mine, pushing his body against mine, forcing me against the wall.  I don’t dare struggle, but I refuse to let him deepen the kiss.  Something inside me wants to fight back, so I focus on gathering as much saliva as I can and when he breaks the kiss, I spit in his face.

The next thing I know, I’m on the floor and he is furious.  He punched me in the head, the blow coming from my blind side so I didn’t see it coming.  I knew he wouldn’t let me get away with what I did, but I did it anyway.  Maybe if he’s focused on me, he’ll leave Matthew and ShÇŽo zhÇ” alone.  He rains blows down on me and kicks me as hard as he can.  He focuses on my ribs as I try to curl up and protect my stomach from his fury.

“THAT’S ENOUGH YOU BASTARD!” ShÇŽo zhÇ” yells.

He gives me one last vicious kick in the ribs and I’m sure I feel something snap.  It hurts.  Oh, oh it hurts.  I can hardly breathe because of the pain.  I curl up as tight as I can, hoping it will help.  My right leg meets resistance because of the chain.  Even in my pain-filled haze, I realize that it’s a little loose.  Not a lot, but if I work it right I might be able to pull out of it.  I pull harder on it.  I can feel the shackle cut into my skin, but compared to my ribs, the pain is minimal.

He must still be dealing with ShÇŽo zhÇ” because I don’t think he has noticed what I’m doing.  I pull harder.  My heel slips into the opening and sticks.  I can feel my ankle bleeding.  Maybe that will help my foot slip through.  I pull again, as hard as I can, holding my breath against a dual stab of pain from my ribs and my ankle.  I’M FREE!  Not that it matters because I hurt so much I can’t move right now.

Suddenly I’m forced onto my back.  He is standing above me as I try to curl up again.

“Oh, no you don’t.  Your little friends over there have just cost you any chance you had at forgiveness.  And Decart is still waiting for me to deliver you.  In fact, I now have a deadline to meet.”  He looks me up and down.  “You got fat.  Decart won’t like that.”

I cringe at the disgust in his voice. 

“You’re a prick,” ShÇŽo zhÇ” growls.

He glares at the two men chained to the wall.  “Maybe if I train you in front of them they’ll learn to butt out.”

He lies on top of me, forcing his tongue into my mouth.  His hands move up my shirt.  I struggle, trying to get him off of me.  Aside from the obvious, he’s heavy and it hurts for him to be on top of me.  He kneels above me and smirks. 

“Struggle all you want.  It makes it better for me.”

“Why don’t you get a clue, asshole?” Matthew demands.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard him swear before.  “She doesn’t want you to do that to her.  Let her go now before you really make me mad.”

He stands and glares at Matthew.  I’m sure he is going to say something but I decide to kick him between the legs before he can.  He mutters something incoherent and I pull myself out from under him before he can collapse on me.  I struggle to my feet.  My ribs scream at me and my foot is burning.  I look at Matthew and ShÇŽo zhÇ”. 

Both are sporting bruises on their faces.  Matthew has gone really pale.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” has a split lip and a cut above his eye.  I guess he really didn’t like being called a bastard.  I take a step towards them and Matthew looks at me.

“Don’t worry about us.  Run!  Get to the others.”  His gaze shifts to him.  “HURRY!  He won’t stay down for long!”

I hesitate but do as Matthew says.  I sort of limp-run out the door and down the hall.  I have no idea where I am or where I’m going.  I hear cursing behind me and I try to pick up the pace.  There’s a hallway that runs perpendicular to the one I’m in up ahead.  I make that my focus and try to ignore the pain I’m in. 

He tackles me and I struggle in his grip on the ground.  I manage to bring my arm back and elbow him somewhere…the face I think.  All I know is that he loosens his grip enough for me to get away again.

Suddenly there’s a bang and something hits the wall just above my head.

He’s shooting at me!  I’m so screwed.  Up ahead I see people run past the opening to the hallway.  Are they friends or his people?  Wait, was that—?

“TRAVIS!”  The name rips itself from my throat as he shoots at me again.  There’s a burning in my arm as I hear the bullet thud into the wall next to me.

Travis steps back into the doorway and calmly aims a gun, firing off a round as I continue to make my way towards him.  He takes a few steps forward and fires again.  I hear the round ping off a wall.  Somehow I manage to make it to him.  He fires again and this time there’s a soft noise as the bullet hits him.  I bury my face into Travis as he wraps his arms around me.

“It’s okay,” he says softly.  “Let’s get you out of here.”  He starts leading me down the hallway, away from his body. 

Suddenly a shot rings out and Travis lurches forward with a grunt and drops his gun.  He shields me with his body and whispers, “Can you reach my gun?”  

I kneel down to get it and Travis follows me, continuing to make himself a human shield.  Apparently Travis’s last shot didn’t manage to kill him.  I pick it up and there’s another gunshot.  Travis gasps and loses his balance, barely catching himself before he lands on top of me. 

“Run,” he tells me.  “Give me the gun and get out of here.”

I can tell he’s in a lot of pain by the way he’s breathing.  His shoulder is bleeding.  I’m about to respond when another shot rings out and Travis pushes me over, ducking us both beneath the bullet’s trajectory.  I look at the bullet hole where Travis’s head was just an instant before.

“Don’t move, Agent, or I’ll pump you full of lead.”

Travis freezes, but I can see in his eyes that he’s rapidly trying to get an exit plan in place.

“All right, Amanda,” I freeze as he addresses me by name for the first time since I met him.  “Let’s make a little deal.  You come over here right now and I won’t put a bullet in his head.”

I don’t know what to do.  I know that I don’t want him to kill Travis, but I know that Travis wouldn’t want me to surrender, either.  Wait a second.  I still have Travis’s gun.  I start to stand up and feel Travis grab my arm.  I look at him and he shakes his head at me.  I can’t tell him what I’m planning so I simply shrug him off and stand up.  I am satisfied to note that his nose is bleeding.  I hope I broke it.

He laughs.  “You see?  You are mine.  You always have been and you always will be.”

I raise the gun, hoping he won’t be able to call my bluff.  I have never shot a gun before and I have no idea if I’m even holding it right.  Apparently I’m not, because all he does is laugh at me.

“Well, look who thinks she’s so tough.  We both know you won’t do it.”  He takes a step closer, his gun still trained on Travis.  “Go on.  I dare you.”

“S-stay back,” I order softly.

His eyes narrow.  “What did I tell you about talking, Amanda?  I think letting your other friends live was a mistake.  And I learn from my mistakes.” 

He aims his gun at Travis’s head and there’s a deafening blast.

35: Chapter 35

Chap. 35

He looks at me in shock.  I think I’m more shocked than he is.  I watch as a scarlet rose blooms on his chest.  I…I shot him.  I can’t do anything but watch as he crumples to the ground.  There’s a gurgling noise and blood comes out of his mouth.  I…I…I didn’t mean to…I mean…I wanted him gone…but I never thought I would be the one to do it.

I don’t realize I’m still aiming the gun ahead of me until someone gently takes it from me.  I jump because I hadn’t heard anyone come up behind me.

“It’s okay, kid,” David tells me softly.  “It’s okay.”

Then the dam bursts.  I start to cry and David wraps me in his arms, trying to get me to calm down, but I don’t know if I can.  I just killed someone.  Even if he was a horrible person, I’ve never killed anything bigger than a rat before.  I feel David’s chest vibrate as he talks to someone, but I’m too upset to understand what’s being said. 

David gently forces me to sit down and I find myself in Travis’s embrace.  “Everything’s going to be okay, Kiri.  Just relax…it’s alright.”

He talks me down until I can quit crying.  My breath still hitches, but I’m not bawling anymore.

“You two stay here while I try to find Matthew and ShÇŽo zhÇ”.  David, cover them,” Roland tells us.  When did he show up?  He starts to walk off in the wrong direction.

“Wait.”                                                                                        

Roland turns and looks at me in surprise.

“Th-they’re down that hallway.  He…had them chained up.”

Roland looks at David.  “You get them, then.”

David grins and starts down the hall.  Roland kneels down and looks at me.  “Anything else I ought to know about this place?”

“I don’t know,” I whisper.  “I’ve never been here before.”

I can see him splayed out on the floor behind Roland and it freaks me out.  I stare at the body.  I can’t tear my eyes away.  Travis and Roland are talking, but I’m not listening.  I still can’t believe that I shot someone.  Roland moves into my line of sight. 

“Don’t worry about him.”  Roland doesn’t say anything else and I don’t respond.  He frowns and when David comes down the hall with Matthew and ShÇŽo zhÇ”, he tries to pull me to my feet.  My ribs suddenly decide to remind me that they hurt and I can’t put any weight on my right foot.  I cry out in pain and end up on the ground.

I think…I think I must be going into shock because the next thing I know Roland has me in his arms and he’s carrying me through the building.  I’m crying again.  I don’t know if it’s because I’m hurt or scared or relieved or tired or hungry or what.  I just…I just don’t know anymore. 

Roland carries me to the back of an ambulance and sets me on the stretcher.  I immediately curl up and cry into the clean white sheet that covers it.  A blanket is put over me and after a bit I recognize Sarah’s voice.

“It’s okay, Kiri.  I just need you to relax for me and tell me where you’re hurt.”

I can’t.  I can’t stop crying long enough.

“She’s in shock, Sarah,” Matthew’s voice cuts through my sobs.  “Chase kicked her in the ribs pretty hard, so you’ll want to check and make sure none of them are broken and then there’s her foot…”  Sarah tsks as she looks at my foot.  It burns as she touches it and I can’t help but let out a cry of pain.  “…and David said that she shot Chase, so that’s probably affecting her, too,” Matthew finishes and through my tears it hits me that I need to remember to thank him for telling Sarah so I didn’t have to.

“Okay.  Kiri…can you calm down?” 

Obviously not.

“I think you’d be better off giving her something,” Matthew suggests quietly.  He says something else that I don’t catch.

Someone holds my wrist and I feel a prick in the crook of my elbow.  For once, I’m grateful as my mind goes fuzzy.

36: Chapter 36

Chap. 36

I float in darkness. 

It’s quiet and warm here. 

.                   

.

.

I wonder if I can stay here. 

.

.

.

It’s safe here. 

But I’m alone.  Do I want to stay alone?  If I’m alone, no one can hurt me anymore.  But I’ll be lonely.

I know!  I’ll declare myself queen of this lovely dark place and only let in certain people.  Cathy can come and Johnson and Torvald and Matthew and Travis.  Oh, and Sarah, too.  And I guess David and Roland and ShÇŽo zhÇ”, since they’re friends with Travis and Matthew.  And maybe I can get Courtney and Tanya here, too.  And we’ll all live here happily ever after.  The end.

.

.

.

Too bad life isn’t that simple.  Even as I think I would like to stay here forever, I start to hear voices from very far away.  They’re coming closer.  I don’t want them to.  Go away!  Don’t hurt me…

I scream as something rubs against my sore foot.  I try to pull it away.  Don’t touch me!

“Hold her!”  I recognize Sarah’s voice, but my instincts insist that I get away from everyone touching me, holding me down.  NO!  Let me go!

“Kiri, you need to stop.  It’s okay, you’re safe.”  Is that…Matthew?

I open my eyes and see Matthew.  He’s trying to calm me down.  I notice David is upside down.  He’s standing at the top of the bed and holding down my shoulders as I struggle.

“You need to stop.  You’ll hurt yourself,” Matthew tells me softly.

“They’re hurting me,” I tell him softly as hot tears trickle down my cheeks.

“It’s not on purpose,” Matthew tells me as he gently wipes away my tears.  “Your foot is cut open really bad and they need to stitch it up.  Sarah didn’t think the tranquilizer she gave you would wear off so soon and it isn’t really safe to give you a shot of anything else yet.”

I whimper as someone, I think it’s Sarah, works on my foot.  It isn’t their fault I tore up my foot, but I wish fixing it didn’t hurt so much.  I try to sit up, but David won’t let me.

“No you don’t kiddo.  You’ll be sorry if you do.  You’ve got some nasty bruising on your sides.  I’d be surprised if you didn’t have broken ribs and it’s gonna hurt a LOT if you sit up right now.”

“It hurts anyway,” I complain softly as I try to keep from bursting into tears.  I guess I should have paid attention to what I did to my foot when I pulled it out of the shackle, but at the time I had other things to worry about and I’m sure that my adrenaline kept me from feeling a lot of the pain.  Which means that I must have really damaged my foot considering how much it hurt before.

Sarah comes into my field of vision, careful to stay on my right side so I can see her.

“Matthew, put this on her.”  He slips a mask over my mouth and nose, gently lifting my head to put the strap around as Sarah gives me instructions.  “Kiri, I want you to try and breathe normally, okay?  This is going to make you fall asleep so you won’t feel us working on your foot anymore.”

I try to breathe normally as the pain and panic I’m feeling seem to come to a head.  My body starts to feel heavy from the gas and the soft hissing of the machine lulls me to sleep.

37: Chapter 37

Chap. 37

I wake up and feel very disoriented.  I don’t know why I can’t see out of my left eye, but I kind of don’t care.  I don’t know where I am and I really don’t care.  My mouth is dry and there’s a dull throbbing in my foot and my ribs let off a stabbing pain with each breath.  But I don’t care.  I’m not sure why…I just don’t.

The world starts to spin, so I shut my eyes.  I hope I don’t throw up.  I hate throwing up.  Something soft and cool is placed over my eyes.

“Thank you,” I whisper.  It feels so good.  I just want…to sleep.

So, I do.

38: Chapter 38

Chap. 38

The pain in my foot wakes me up.  Then I remember the pain in my ribs.  OW!  I hurt everywhere.  I shift, trying to get comfortable, but I move wrong and make things worse.  Make it stop!  Make it stop hurting!  Please!  Do anything…just make it stop!

“Kiri…Kiri look at me.”

No.  I don’t want to.  Everything hurts too much.  I can’t.  Make it stop!

“Kiri, look at me.  Open your eyes and look at me.”

I hurt…make it stop.  Please…

“Open your eyes, Kiri.”

I finally manage to force my eyes open.

“Kiri?  Can you talk to me?” Sarah wants to know.

“I hurt,” I manage.  My mouth is dry and I want the pain to stop.  Please make it stop.

“Okay.  On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being no pain and 10 being the worse pain you’ve ever been in, where would you say you’re at?”

“Twelve.”  I feel tears rolling down my temples.  The stupid things end up in my ears and now I have to deal with that discomfort, too.  Kill me now.  Make it all stop.

I close my eyes.  I just want to sleep.

“Kiri, I know you’re tired but I need you to stay with me.  Kiri?  KIRI!”

I don’t like it when people yell.  When people yell, I get hurt.  I need to…I need…I…I need to get away.  I…I can’t.  I…what was I doing?

It’s dark here.  I don’t know where I am.  Where am I supposed to be?

It’s dark.

Dark.

Dark.

39: Chapter 39

Chap. 39

I can hear someone talking, but I don’t recognize the voice.  There is a click and someone new is talking.  Another click and this time I hear static.  Someone is changing channels on the television.  Who’s on duty today?

I want to open my eyes, but I’m tired.  Maybe if I just listen I’ll be able to tell who it is.  There’s a soft knock.  I hear footsteps and a slight creak as the door opens.

“Hey, David, how is she this morning?”

“Still out, Matthew.”

There’s a sigh.  “I was hoping that she’d be a bit more responsive today.  Travis is really worried about her.”

“Yeah.  Other than that, how’s he doing?”

“He’s healing alright.  Those two shots he took to the shoulder might give him some trouble if he doesn’t rest, though.  Sarah’s had to threaten to give him a tranquilizer.”

“I don’t think he’ll relax until he knows she’s alright.”

“Probably not,” Matthew agrees.

“Still, I wouldn’t be surprised if it took her a while longer.  I mean, blood poisoning isn’t exactly something you just jump right back from.”

“Yeah, and her bad reaction to the antibiotics didn’t help anything either.”  Someone gently brushes my bangs away from my face.  “I’m glad that Sarah was able to save her foot.  I’m not sure Kiri could’ve handled that after her eye.”

I almost lost my foot?  I crack my eyes open and see Matthew standing next to my bed.  He smiles at me.

“There you are.  How are you feeling?”

“Tired.”

David pops up next to Matthew.  “Hey, kid!”

“David, go get Sarah.”  David disappears from my line of sight.  “Can you stay awake for a few minutes?  Sarah will want to see you.”

I nod.  I have to focus to keep my eyes open.  I’m so tired.

I hear the door open and footsteps.  Sarah appears and Matthew moves out of her way. 

“How are you feeling, Kiri?”

“Wanna sleep.”  Wow, I sound drunk.

“I’ll let you sleep in a minute.  I need to check a few things first.”  She gently prods my ribs.  “Does this hurt?”

“Yes.”

“On a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is no pain and 10 is the worst pain you’ve ever had, where would you rank this?”

“Five.”

She moves to my foot.  “Same question.”

I flinch as she touches my foot.  “Eight and a half.”

“Okay, Kiri.  I just need to check your temperature and take a blood sample.  Then you can sleep.”

She sticks the thermometer in my ear and it beeps.  She makes a note before fiddling with the needle in my hand.  I don’t want to watch, so I close my eyes.

“Kiri?”

“Hm?”

“I’m going to adjust these drips.  One is a nutrient drip and the other is a painkiller that should help to dull the pain so you can rest a little better.”

I nod.  I don’t bother to open my eyes.  It’s too much effort.  I drift off into oblivion.

40: Chapter 40

Chap. 40

I drift in and out of darkness.  I’m not sure how long I’ve been like this.  Sometimes I’ll be coherent enough to recognize who is sitting with me, but mostly I just recognize that someone is there.  Sometimes I can feel a cool cloth on my face.  I like those times.  It feels good.  Sometimes someone is kind enough to move my hair off my face.  Sometimes there is talking, but I don’t listen much.  I don’t understand most of it anyway.

Someone keeps calling my name.  At least, I think it’s my name.  It isn’t the name I was called growing up.  Sometimes I understand them.  They talk about a circus and how I can go there if I want, but I have to wake up first.  It sounds wonderful there so I do try…but it’s so hard.

I have something soft in my hands.  It’s cuddly.  I roll over and snuggle with it.  I like this.  Can I keep it?  I feel a hand gently push my bangs away from my face.

“Kiri?  Are you awake yet?”

Not so’s you’d notice.  I snuggle into the pillow and curl up, whimpering at the pain in my ribs, but I don’t care.  Pulling the soft thing into my ribs helps.  It doesn’t make the pain completely go away, but it helps.  I’m warm and except for my ribs I’m comfortable.  I want more sleep.

There is a sigh as someone gently runs a hand through my hair.  “I do wish you’d wake up, if only for Travis’s sake.”

Travis?  OH!  Travis!  I remember…he was shot…protecting me.  I force my eyes to open. 

“Thank goodness.  Kiri you had us all so worried.”  Matthew is standing above me.

“Sorry,” I murmur.  “Didn’t mean to.”

The blonde grins at me.  “I know.  How are you feeling?”

“Tired.”

“Yeah, I bet.  Sarah needs to check a few things and then you can sleep some more, okay?”

I nod and discover that the soft thing is my lion. I don’t move as I wait for Sarah to come.  Matthew steps away for a minute and when he comes back I ask, “How’s Travis?”

“He’s okay.  This isn’t the first time he’s been shot, and I doubt it will be the last.  He’ll rest easier knowing that you’re okay.  He was really worried about you after everything that happened.”

I want to ask him for details about what happened because my memory is pretty fuzzy right now, but my head hurts and I suspect that I’ll just end up asking about it again later.  “My head hurts.”

“I’m sorry.  How do your ribs feel?”

“They’re sore, but…not bad.”

“And your foot?”

I carefully rotate my right foot.  “Not bad. ‘S okay.”

“You’re slurring again.  Try to stay awake a little longer.”  There’s a knock on the door and Matthew leaves my line of sight to answer it.

“Kiri, how are you?” Sarah asks me cheerily.

“Okay, I guess…tired.”

Sarah gently presses my ribs and asks if it hurts.

“A bit…not as bad as before.”

She checks my foot.  It hurts when she touches it.  I want to sleep but I try to stay awake like Matthew said.  Sarah makes a few notes on a clipboard before moving to the side of my bed.

She gently grabs my wrist and I feel a prick in the crook of my elbow.  “I just need a new blood sample and then you can sleep for a while.  But I’m going to have you woken up every six hours.  Your system is clearing the infection out and I want to get your body used to being awake.  The more you’re awake, the more you’ll want to be awake.”

I nod.  I just want to sleep right now.  I cuddle with my lion.  She says something else and Matthew responds but I don’t understand it.  I’m busy on a journey to La-La Land.

41: Chapter 41

Chap. 41

Noise wakes me up.  Normally I don’t mind when they watch TV but David needs to turn it down.  I open my eyes to glare at him.  What I see is not what I expect.

David has his gun drawn and is aiming calmly at the door.

I prop myself up my right elbow, wincing as my ribs remind me that they hurt.

“What—?”

“HUSH!  I’ll explain in a minute…assuming I don’t have to use this,” David says, not taking his eyes off the door.

There are gunshots in the hallway.  David moves closer to me, gun still trained on the door.

 “Hey, d’you think you could get under the bed?  I don’t want any stray bullets hittin’ ya.”

I painstakingly move my aching body off the bed.  Stupid IV….evil catheter…ow!  David helps me get to the ground and passes me my blanket and pillow. 

“Sorry, kid…it’s the safest place for ya right now.”

I know.  And I’m too scared to care that I hurt right now.  He crouches down next to me and wraps the blanket around me.

“Just relax…everything’s gonna be fine.”

There are more gunshots and David trains his weapon on the door again.

“Apparently word got to Decart that you were still alive.  Our undercover operative got us the intel just before the lobby was taken hostage by his men.  The entire place is on lockdown,” he tells me quietly.  “Good to see you’re feeling better.”

Why is he still after me?  I thought we were done with this.

Something bangs against the door and David pushes a chair next to the bed with his foot.  “Move that chair onto its side and pull it in front of you.  It’ll help hide you.”

From behind the chair I can’t see very much, but the noise from the hall has gotten louder.  Gunshots are more frequent.  I don’t understand why they’re still after me.  I thought killing him would take care of it.  I can’t help but blame myself for this.  I’m the one they’re after.  They should just hand me over.  It would be better for everyone if they did.

I’m scared, cold, and sore.  I can’t stop the tears anymore.  This is whole mess is my fault.  If I hadn’t been so stupid as to get kidnapped then none of this would have happened.  I would have gone to school and graduated, learned to drive, dated, had friends…

Suddenly there is silence and in that silence, a sob escapes my throat.  David kneels down next to the bed and pulls the chair away.

“Hey, everything’s okay.  I think it’s done.”

I nod, but don’t move.  With the immediate threat gone my body reminds me that the floor is really hard and cold. 

David gets up, putting the chair back in place.  I hear the door creak open and David says something that I can’t quite hear from where I’m at.  Two sets of feet make their way towards me and I hold my breath.  The chair is moved and I’m looking at Roland.  David appears next to him.

“See, kid, everything’s fine.  Let’s get you out of there.”  David reaches to pull me out from under the bed and I flinch.

Roland frowns at me.

“S-sorry,” I say.  “Can’t help it.”

“Can you get out on your own?”

I shake my head.  I hurt too much and I’m scared that moving will make it worse.

Roland nods and reaches in to help David pull me out.  I whimper as they move me.  I know they don’t mean to hurt me, so I’m trying not to complain, but…OW!

Roland picks me up and sets me on the bed.  “David, find Sarah.  I want her to confirm that Kiri is okay.”

David leaves and Roland adjusts the IV line and the catheter bag so they’re more comfortable.  Can I die of embarrassment now?  I shut my eyes and focus on not crying.  I manage to get myself under control.  I want my lion.  Or Travis.  I just need something to cuddle with right now.

“Kiri, did you ever see Decart?”

Roland’s question throws me a bit.  I look at him.  “Once.”

“Do you think you’d recognize him if you saw him again?”

“M-maybe.”  He isn’t going to show me a dead body, is he?

“When David comes back I’m going to retrieve a photograph.  I want you to tell me if it’s Decart or not.”

I nod.  I can look at a photo…as long as it’s not a picture of a dead body.

David comes back.  “Sarah’ll come when she gets the chance.  She’s a little busy right now.”

Roland grunts and says, “I’ll be back in a minute.”

David turns to me.  “Let’s see if we can’t get you comfortable again.”  He bends down and grabs my pillow from under the bed.  He fluffs it and sets it behind me.  Then he sets about tucking the blanket around me.  He finds my lion, it had ended up on the floor behind the bed, and hands it to me.

Roland comes back and holds a photograph out to me.  I take it.  The man in the photo is dressed in a suit and tie.  His black hair is peppered with grey and neatly cut, his mustache neatly trimmed.  “It’s him.”

Roland takes the picture back.  “Thank you.”  He leaves without another word.

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly into the silence.

“For what?  You didn’t do anything.”

I look at David.  “If I wasn’t here…”

“He would’ve gone after you somewhere else.”  David gives me a serious look.  “You didn’t do anything.  It isn’t your fault Decart has chosen to live a life of crime and it isn’t your fault you were dragged into it.  That’s your parents’ fault.  You didn’t do anything.”

I hug my lion tightly to my chest and pull my knees up under the blanket.  “But—”

“No,” David interrupts, sitting next to me on the bed.  “No.”  He wraps an arm around me and gently brushes my hair back.  “You didn’t do anything.  This isn’t your fault.”  We sit there for a few minutes while I try to believe that this isn’t my fault.

There’s a knock on the door and David gets up, pulling his gun out again.  He answers and steps back, allowing Sarah to come in.

“Well, how was that for a wake-up call this afternoon?  How are you feeling, Kiri?”

“Sore,” I mumble.

“I made her get under the bed,” David explains.  “I can’t imagine it was comfortable at all.”

“Thank you, David.  Would you be so kind as to give us a little privacy?  I’ll let you know when you can come back in.”

“Sure thing, Sarah.”  David leaves.

“Since you’re alert, I’m going to remove this catheter.”

Oh goody.  Here we go again!  I’ve decided that I really don’t like catheters.  I mean, I understand why they exist, but they’re definitely not my favorite part of hospital stays.  It feels good to have it gone, though.

Sarah gently presses my ribs.  I wince and try not to cry out.  It hurts.

“Sorry.  On a scale of 1 to 10, where would you say you’re at?”

“Six, maybe seven.”

Sarah nods.  She moves to my feet.  “This is looking a lot better.”  I wouldn’t know.  I’ll just have to take her word for it.  I make a mental note to look at my foot later.  I have no idea what kind of damage I did to it trying to escape from him.  She carefully touches my foot.  It hurts a little, but it also tickles.  That’s such a weird sensation.

“On a scale of 1 to 10, where is your foot at today?”

“Maybe a three…I’m not sure.  That kind of tickles, too.”

She grins at me.  “That’s good, Kiri.  It means the nerve endings weren’t permanently damaged.  I’m going to take another blood sample.  I don’t want this infection surprising us again.  And I want you to stay in bed and rest.  Get something to eat, but don’t overdo it.  You haven’t eaten for over a week and your stomach might not be up to too much food.  Don’t hesitate to tell the boys if you need something or if your pain gets worse.”

I nod.  I’m surprised that I’ve been out of it for so long.  Maybe I should ask what happened.  Maybe I’ll wait and ask Matthew.  Sarah’s probably really busy today.

Sarah takes some of my blood and David comes back in as she leaves.

“You doing okay?”

“Yeah.  Um…David?”

“Yeah, kiddo?”

“Sarah said I should get something to eat.”

He grins at me.  “Already on it.  But with the excitement this morning it’s been a bit delayed.  Can you wait another twenty minutes or so?”

I nod and David hands me the television remote.  I find a movie that looks familiar and settle against the pillows.  David sits in the chair and watches, too.  He looks relaxed, but I bet he’s on full alert after this morning.

I start to doze.  I’d be completely asleep except for the fact that my stomach has made it quite clear how empty it is.  There’s a knock on the door and I jerk awake as David jumps up and whips out his gun.  I wish he wouldn’t do that.

David opens the door and Matthew comes in, carrying three pizza boxes.

“Dinner’s here!” David announces.  “I wasn’t sure what kind you liked so I got a supreme, a Hawaiian and a plain cheese.”

Matthew grins at me.  “You’d best pick before David starts in.  Otherwise, you won’t get any.”

“In that case I’ll have a piece of the Hawaiian.”

Matthew gives me a plate with a piece of pizza on it.  I start by picking off the pineapple and eating it separately as David and Matthew help themselves.  Yummy...I love pineapple.

“Matthew?”

“Yes?”

“How did…Chase get you and ShÇŽo zhÇ”?”

“David sent us up to get you first thing that morning.  On our way up, David informed us that you’d given the signal and we got there as soon as we could manage.  We could hear a commotion inside, but nobody heard us banging on the door.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” ended up breaking the door down.  When we got inside you were already unconscious on the floor and your father was yelling at your mother, who was on the phone with someone.  When they noticed us, their behavior took a 180 and they pretended to be concerned about you.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” and I were about to leave with you when we were jumped by Chase’s men.  Apparently, that’s who your mother was on the phone with.  They had more men keeping Travis, Roland and David busy so they couldn’t help us.  They only managed to subdue us by shooting us up with some kind of drug.”

I sigh.  “I’m sorry.  If I hadn’t made him angry—”

“No, Kiri.  We listened to the tapes.  It wouldn’t have mattered what you did.  He was set on hurting you.  It may have been the drugs he was on or maybe he had a bunch of pent up guilt that forced its way out.  Or maybe he just wanted to feel powerful and saw you as someone he could exert his power over.  None of that was your fault.”

“Fortunately they didn’t realize there was a tracker in your bracelet until they’d already taken you three to Chase’s base,” David puts in.

I nod and take a minute to get myself together before I can burst into tears.  “Can…can you tell me what happened after…”

“After you shot Chase?” Matthew finishes.

I nod.

He clears his throat.  “Well…um…you went into shock.  I think it was a combination of the stress of killing someone and the blood loss from that nasty cut on your foot.  I won’t describe it to you as I don’t want to put you off your lunch, but take my word for it that it was really bad.  Do you remember coming to when Sarah was stitching you up?”

“Vaguely.”

Matthew nods.  “Well, basically your injuries were bad enough that Sarah started stitching you up in the ambulance.  Once we got you here, Sarah did some blood work and found that you were developing blood poisoning.  I guess it’s no surprise that the metal you cut your foot on wasn’t overly sanitary.  She gave you an antibiotic, but it nearly killed you.  Apparently, you have an allergy to whatever she used and she had to go a different route.  It worked, obviously, but it took longer than Sarah expected because your system is still a bit off.”

“Yeah,” David adds.  “She couldn’t give you very much of the medicine because you’re too scrawny and she didn’t want to make you overdose.”

“David,” Matthew warns.  “Don’t go there.”

“What?  Since when is it bad to tell a girl she’s skinny?”

“He didn’t think so,” I say softly.  Suddenly I’m not hungry anymore.

“Oh, Kiri, please don’t believe what Chase said,” Matthew says.  “He was just being an ass.”

I look up at him and see sorrow in his eyes.

David looks confused.  “What’d he say?”

Matthew sighs.  “He told Kiri she got fat and that Decart wouldn’t like it.  But the way he said it was…just…wrong.”  Matthew looks at me.  “You are not fat.”

“I know,” I answer, but I’m not sure I believe me.

“Lemme ask ya somethin’.  D’you think Adira Kensington’s fat?” David asks me.

“No.”

“Well you’re skinnier than she is.  And Sarah said that you need to gain a bit of weight.  Would a doctor tell a fat person to gain weight?”

I shake my head.  They’re right.  “I…you have to understand, it isn’t what he said, it was the way he said it.  Any other time that tone was used…I got hit,” I tell them quietly.  “I think…if ShÇŽo zhÇ” hadn’t distracted him…he would have…”

I find myself wrapped in David’s arms.  “Well, you took care of him, didn’t ya?  You don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

He holds me for a minute and I get myself centered.  “Thanks, David.”

He lets me go and smirks at me.  “Better clear your plate or you won’t get dessert.”  He proceeds to plop two more pieces of pizza on my plate.

“I’m not sure I can eat that much.”

“Well, eat what ya can.  And I don’t wanna hear any more of this ‘I’m fat’ garbage, especially when I’m tryin’ to fatten you up.”

I roll my eyes at him but continue to eat.  He means well, I suppose.  I manage to eat a second piece of pizza but push the third one away.  “I’m afraid if I eat that I’ll be sick.”

David grins at me.  “That’s okay.”  He grabs my uneaten piece of pizza and downs it.  I’m not sure how he isn’t sick with as much as he’s eaten. 

A full stomach makes me sleepy.  I yawn.

Matthew takes my plate.  “I guess it has been a pretty tiring day.  And Sarah won’t thank us for keeping you from resting.”

I carefully snuggle down into the blanket.  David pulls it up around my shoulders and hands me my lion. 

“Go ahead and sleep.  I’ll save your dessert for later.”

I close my eyes and wonder what he got for dessert as I fall asleep.

42: Chapter 42

Chap. 42

I’m awake, but I don’t bother to move.  My ribs are still sore and I’ve managed to get comfortable for the moment.

Lips ghost across the edge of my mouth and I smile as I look up.

“Morning, Kiri.”

“Good morning, Travis.”  Okay, so now I have to sit up.  I lean back against the pillows and he kisses me again.  I could definitely get used to this.

“Why don’t you two get a room?” 

I look at David, who is standing just inside the door with a smirk on his face.  “I thought we were in a room,” I tell him.

He snorts.  “You know, I think I liked you better when you didn’t talk.”

“Not me,” Travis says quietly in my ear.

I scoot over and Travis sits next to me on the narrow bed, careful not to jar his shoulder, which is in a brace.  He wraps his good arm around me and kisses the top of my head as I snuggle into his chest.

Stupid shirt.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Travis murmurs in my ear.

“I’m glad you’re okay, too,” I tell him.

“Right, well, just so you know Roland said Gage’ll be here soon for a debriefing,” David warns.

“So?” Travis asks.

David rolls his eyes.  “SO unless you wanna get written up for fraternizing, you should probably quit making goo-goo eyes at each other for a few minutes.”

I look up at Travis.  “I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

He grins at me.  “I won’t.”

David snorts.  “Yeah, well don’t blame me when Gage transfers you to another case.”

“She won’t.”

There’s a soft knock on the door.  David opens it and Matthew comes in.

“There you are, Travis.  Sarah was looking for you.  I think she wants to check your shoulder.”

“She can check it in here.”

“I’m sure she can, Travis,” Matthew says with a straight face.  “But I don’t know how comfortable Kiri would be to have you in here half dressed.”

Travis shrugs.  “It wouldn’t be anything she hasn’t seen before.”

I start to blush at the memory of Travis only wearing a pair of pants that long ago morning in Cathy’s trailer.  Mmmmm…yummy.

“TRAVIS!” Matthew exclaims.  “That’s not the point!”

David snickers and I have a hard time not giggling at Matthew’s indignation. 

“If it bothers you so much, I’ll go back to my room.”  Travis gives me a peck on the cheek and gets off the bed.  “I’ll see you later, okay?”

I nod and give him a smile.  He grins back at me and heads out the door.  Matthew follows him shaking his head.

“So, Kiri,” David starts, crossing his arms.  “What were you doing that Travis needed to take his shirt off for?”  He smirks at me.

“David you’re a pervert,” I tell him, carefully crossing my arms as well.  “If you must know the morning after he took me to Cathy’s I needed help with the bandages on my back and when I knocked on Travis’s door to get help, he was in the middle of getting dressed so he answered only wearing a pair of jeans.”

“Sure, Kiri,” he teases.

I throw my pillow at him and gasp.  Oh…I moved wrong.  Ow.  Ow.  Ow.

“You okay?”  David’s not playing anymore. 

I do my best not to move.  “Yeah.  Just…moved wrong.”

He brings my pillow back to me.  “Here.  Let me help you get comfortable again.”

Once I’m able to breathe without wincing, he offers to order some breakfast for me.  “I dunno how you can eat hospital food,” he says, shaking his head after he orders.

“Well…to be honest…it’s better than what he used to give me to eat…assuming he decided to feed me that week.”

He suddenly looks uncomfortable.  “Yeah, well…I grew up on the streets of Detroit and…well…to be fair, I’ve gotten a bit spoiled I guess, not having to pull my food from a dumpster anymore.” 

Oh, that’s so sad!  I don’t know what to say to that, so I don’t say anything.

“Hey, don’t let it get ya down.  Things are better there now that the war’s over.  And since I started working with the Interceptors, I’ve gotten to travel all over the world and there are places worse than Detroit, believe you me.”

Yay, an opportunity to change the subject.  “Well, I’ve never been out of California.  What’s it like outside of the US?”

David grins at me and pulls a chair over.  He animatedly describes Europe, Australia and Asia all through my meal.  I decide that I’m going to try and visit sometime.  It all sounds pretty neat.

I finish my meal and he finishes talking.  I’ve thought of another question, but I’m not sure he’ll answer it.

“Um…David?”

“Yeah?”

“I…I was wondering something.  You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to…”

“What is it?”

“I…um…I was wondering…how…how you survived the war in Detroit.  I mean, that was one of the cities that got bombed, right?  And…well…you don’t seem to be that much older than me.  Did your family make it out okay?”

“Uh…no.  I…at first we were okay but eventually…eventually I lost everyone.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.  “You don’t have to tell me any more.”

“It’s alright.  Once I was alone I did what everyone else did.  I found work and shelter where I could and hoped I’d wake up in the morning.”

“Oh.  Was it hard to do?”

“Sometimes.  Work was kinda hard to come by and not everyone was willing to be helpful.”

Somehow it seems like he’s dodging my question at the same time that he’s answering.  I don’t think I’m going to push him for a different answer, though.

“So…didn’t the government send help or anything?”

“Not right off.  There was a lot going on and places with money got priority.  Even now they’re having a hard time getting people to agree to fix up the place.”

“Oh.”  I frown as I think.  “I think…I think I read somewhere that they tried to give out pills that were supposed to keep people from going hungry.  Did that actually happen or was it just something they wrote to make it look like things weren’t all that bad?”

He nods a little warily.  “Yeah, they gave out pills.”

“Did they work?”

“Yes and no.  Some people seemed to do okay on them but others didn’t fare so well.  It’s not somethin’ I’d like to remember, to be honest.”

“Oh…I’m sorry, I won’t ask about it anymore.”

“Don’t worry yourself over it.  It’s done now and there’s nothing to do to change it.  Hopefully we learned a lesson that we won’t repeat.”

I nod.  I don’t know why, but it seems like there’s something he isn’t telling me, but since the subject seems to bother him, I’ll leave it alone.

David stands and stretches.  “Well…all I know is that I hope we don’t have any more wars in our lifetime.  That last one was enough.  People everywhere are tired of fighting.  And that’s not an altogether bad thing.”

“No, it’s not,” I agree.

There’s a sharp knock on the door.  David goes to open it and Roland bursts in, looking truly pissed.

“I’m gonna kill her!”

What did I do now?

“What on Earth is wrong with you, Roland?” David demands, grabbing Roland’s arm and keeping him from coming any closer to me.  “You can’t kill her.”

“She’s got to die, David.  It’s the only way.”

“Whoa…calm down.  What are you talking about?”

“She’s blackmailing us.  All of us.  She said she’ll release our records to the public if I don’t agree.  I’m gonna have to kill her.”

I know I’m confused.  Anyone else?

“Roland…you need to take a deep breath and explain it a bit more clearly.  Who is blackmailing us?”

“Adira…who else?”

“Ohhh…okay, now I get it.”

I still don’t.  I think they’ve forgotten I’m here.

Roland runs a hand through his hair.  “I don’t know how to get it through her head that I am not interested in her that way.  She could be a good friend if she’d get over the fact that I’m not going to marry her…ever.”

“Yeah, well…I know you don’t want to hear this, Roland, but…I think it’s time to tell her that you can’t be friends with her anymore.  She isn’t doing you any favors and threatening to tell everyone about the five of us isn’t cool.  She knows how you feel about that and if she can’t keep it a secret—”

“I’ll have to kill her.”

“Roland, you can’t just kill her.  She’s too high profile.”

Roland glares at David.  “How else can I keep her big mouth shut?  I won’t marry her and if she’s going to insist on threatening you, she has to go.”

David’s expression softens and he brings a hand up to caress Roland’s cheek.  They definitely don’t remember I’m here and I feel a bit awkward because it’s not like I can really get up and leave.

“Ro…everything will be fine.  She’s got you mad right now, but if you kill her Gage’ll be forced to arrest you and I think that would be worse for me than anything Adira could do.”  David’s voice has gone soft.

“David…”

“Here’s what I think you should do.  Hack everything.  Change it, erase it, whatever.  You’ve been threatening to do it for years anyway.  Maybe now’s the time.”

I avert my eyes as Roland catches David’s lips with his.  It’s not that I have a problem with them kissing, it’s just that I feel like I’m intruding on something that’s none of my business. 

“I love the way you think,” Roland says softly.

“Yeah, well, if that was the only thing you loved about me I’d have to dump you,” David teases.

I glance up to see if they’re done, but they’re not.  Um…maybe I’ll just go into the bathroom for a few minutes and give them some privacy.  I get off the bed as quietly as I can and believe me, it’s not easy.  My ribs are screaming at me and my foot protests a bit.  But I manage to make it into the bathroom without disrupting them.  I decide to spend my time in the bathroom checking out the bruises on my torso.  I think they’re worse than the ones I had the first time they rescued me.  Ouch.  At least these ones are covered up by my clothes so no one will give me weird looks when I get out of here this time.  My upper arm is bandaged.  Hmmm…I rack my brain for a memory of what happened.  Oh yeah!  One of his first shots grazed my arm.  I remember it burning.  I don’t dare remove the bandage to see what it looks like.  I check my foot while I’m at it.  I’m going to have a scar in a big horseshoe on the top of my foot.  I don’t even want to think what that looked like when I first did it.  It was probably just a big flap of skin…gross.

Hmm…maybe I should take a shower while I’m in here.  Sarah never said I couldn’t and it would give them time to…okay maybe I don’t want to think about what they could be doing alone.  Bad mental image!  Bad! 

Looking at my hair, I decide that it could use a good cleaning…let’s see…shampoo, conditioner, towel…but no change of clothes.  That could be an issue.  Or I could shower and tell David to go away for a few minutes while I change.

I’m still debating what to do when there’s a soft knock on the door.  “Kiri?  Are you in there?”

I open it.  “Yeah…I was debating whether or not to take a shower this afternoon.”

“Oh.”  David looks a bit relieved and a bit embarrassed.  “Um…so…what all…um, of that…did we subject you to?”

“I left after you told Roland to hack…something.”

He looks seriously relieved now.  “Oh good.  Uh, sorry for running you out, we…uh…we got a little…carried away.  Usually we don’t…at work anyway…and…uh…just…”

“David, I won’t tell anyone.  It’s none of my business.”

He grins at me.  “Thanks.  If Gage ever found out, we’d be put on different teams and since Roland doesn’t trust too many people that wouldn’t go over very well.”

“Why—never mind.  Maybe the less I know the better.”

David nods.  “Yeah, that’s probably for the best.  So, did you want to shower or not?”

I nod.  “Yeah, my hair needs a decent cleaning.  Do you think it’s okay with this on my arm?” 

David glances at the bandage on my arm and tells me it should be okay.  It’s a waterproof bandage.  I didn’t even know they made those.  He sits on the chair and starts flipping through channels while I get my stuff and head into the bathroom again.

I get in the shower and just let the hot water run over me for a few minutes.  It feels nice.  I run into a few problems, though.  One, it hurts to bend over, so when I drop the soap, I decide that it isn’t worth it and it can stay there.  And two, I can’t raise my arms enough to wash my hair. 

That was the whole point of this shower and now I can’t even do it because it hurts too much to raise my arms.  Stupid ribs.

Oh well.  Not much I can do about it.  I get out and towel off as well as I can and pull on some clean clothes.  My hair is wet and dirty and it’s really annoying because there’s nothing I can do about it.  I go back out, resigned to feeling gross.

“Hey, you okay?”

“No,” I huff.  “I couldn’t move my arms enough to wash my hair.”  His hair is a little longer than mine so I figure he won’t make fun of me.

“Hey, cheer up because I’ve got a solution for that.  Come on.”  

43: Chapter 43

Chap. 43

David grabs the chair he’s sitting in and goes into the bathroom.  He sets the chair against the sink.  He folds up a hand towel and puts it on the edge of the sink.  “Have a seat and put your head back.”

I do as he says and he proceeds to wash my hair in the sink for me, just like at a salon.  If he had shorter hair I’d wonder where he learned to do this.  He takes his time, massaging my scalp.  Oh, that feels nice.

“Mm…if I didn’t know you were gay, this would make me wonder,” I tease him.

He snorts at me.  “I’m surprised you didn’t guess before anyway.”

“You hide it well.  I honestly had no idea.”

“You mean to tell me that the hair wasn’t a dead giveaway?” he teases.

“It wasn’t.  Lots of guys have longer hair.”

There’s a knock on the outer door and David moves away from me to answer it.  I can’t go anywhere with my hair all soaped up, so I wait patiently for him to come back.  He does, followed by Travis.

“How’s it going?” Travis asks.

“Not bad,” I answer.

“I thought Kiri could use a spa day since she’s so banged up, and this was the best I could manage,” David cheerfully supplies, resuming the massaging of my scalp.

“Has Gage come by yet?”

“Naw…Roland popped by for a minute though.”

Travis shakes his head.  “I hope he was in a better mood than the one he left our office with.”

“Probably not.  I think he scared the crap out of Kiri.”

Travis frowns.  “What’d he do?”

“Nothin’.  He was just mad at Adira and came in here yelling.  I got him to chill out though.”

“Yeah, I bet you did.”  Travis gives David a look.

“What’s the glare for?  We didn’t do…too much.”  David grins at Travis. 

“David—”

“Hey, Kiri’s cool with it.  She’s not gonna tell.”

Travis shakes his head.  “I swear you two are asking for it.  And if Gage finds out that the rest of us know and didn’t say anything, we could get in trouble, too.”

“Yeah, kind of like you flirting with Kiri?”

That shuts Travis up.  I’m just gonna keep my trap shut for the time being.  Personally, I don’t see how their relationships are any of their boss’s business.  But, I guess, being in the Interceptors, having a personal relationship that could cause problems at work might be an issue.

“There we go, kiddo.  All done.”  David turns off the water and wrings out my hair a bit before wrapping a towel around it.  “I’ll clean up this and then come in and brush your hair for ya so it doesn’t get all tangled up, okay?”

I nod and head back to the bed.  I gingerly climb onto it and sit with my legs hanging off the edge. 

Travis sits in the chair as David comes out of the bathroom.  David grabs my brush out of the table drawer and moves to the back side of the bed and starts brushing my hair.

“Thank you, David,” I say softly as I shut my eyes.  It feels nice to be pampered.

“Yeah, well…can’t have you lookin’ like somethin’ the cat dragged in when Colonel Gage shows up.  She should be here any time.”

David pulls my hair into a ponytail and takes the wet towel into the bathroom.  Travis takes my brush and puts it away and then helps me to lie back on the bed.

He steals a quick kiss before David comes back.  I think I could get used to that.

Travis settles back into the chair and David goes into the hall.  He comes back a minute later with two more chairs.  He sits in one and sets the other against the wall.  David finds something on TV and the three of us watch in silence until there is a knock on the door.

David opens it to find Colonel Gage.  She is accompanied by Roland, ShÇŽo zhÇ” and Matthew.

“At ease, gentlemen.”  David offers her a chair and the Colonel sits.  She looks at me.  “How are you recovering?”

“Um…okay, I think.”

She nods.  “Good to hear.  Now, down to business.  I want to know exactly what happened, starting with you going to your parents’ apartment.”

I nod and tell her what I remember.  Matthew tells some parts that I forgot and David supplies a copy of the transmission from my bracelet.  I have a hard time keeping myself from reverting back into silence.  It’s still hard to believe that he can’t come after me anymore. 

“Kiri?  Are you alright?”

I look up at Matthew.  “Um…yeah, s-sorry.”

Travis gently grabs my chin and forces me to look at him.  “Hey, relax.  You’re not in trouble, okay?”

I nod and take a shaky breath.

“What happened after Chase was shot?” Colonel Gage asks, getting the conversation back on track. 

Since I don’t remember much, I don’t say anything.  Instead, the Interceptors tell Gage how I went into shock and that Travis and I were hospitalized (I thought that was obvious, but I suppose they had to make it part of their official report) and how ShÇŽo zhÇ” and Matthew had their minor injuries tended to at the scene.

Then Roland and David tell how their teams of agents cleared the building and found a secret room full of surveillance tapes from the house where I was held. 

I go numb.  I figured I was being observed, but…but to have someone actually find the tapes is kind of upsetting.  They’ll see…everything.  I wrap my arms around myself as I grow colder.

“Kiri?  What’s wrong?”

I shake my head.  It doesn’t matter.

“Kiri?” Travis starts again. 

Again I shake my head, this time a little more emphatically.  I shut my eyes.  I need to block it all out, make it go away. 

“Kiri, look at me,” Travis says softly.

I shake my head again and refuse to open my eyes.  I can feel the tears threatening to fall.  I pull my knees up and bury my head into my arms.  I don’t want to cry, but I don’t think I can stop my tears. 

“Kiri?”  This time it’s Colonel Gage.  “If I have to I will order you to tell me what’s upset you.  Please don’t make me resort to that.”

Great.  Now she’s mad at me and that thought sets off the torrent of tears.

“Hm…why don’t you boys wait in the hall for a moment while I have a word with Kiri?”

“Uh, are you sure that’s a good idea?” David asks.  “Nevermind…we’re goin’.”

The door opens and closes and I have to wonder why David would ask if it was a good idea for me to be alone with the Colonel.  Now I’m worried.  What if she hits me to make me talk?

“Now Kiri…”

I flinch, but I still don’t dare to look up.

“I’m not going to hurt you.  I understand that you’ve been through some very difficult experiences.  But I need to know what happened or I can’t stop the people responsible for hurting you.  If we allow them to get away, they’ll do this again.  Do you understand that?”

I nod against my arm.

“Good.  Now, tell me what upset you.”

“I…I don’t…I d-don’t want y-you to s-see.”

“To see what?”

“Th-the t-tapes.”

“You don’t want us to see what they did to you?”

I nod and still don’t look up.  What he made me do is embarrassing and I don’t want them to see how I didn’t try to run away or how I couldn’t withstand him forever.

A hand gently rubs my back.  “I understand, but please know that unless we know what they did, we can’t charge them.  No one will think less of you.  You are the victim here.  You aren’t responsible for what happened so you don’t need to be worried that we will blame you for the circumstances that befell you.”  The Colonel’s voice is soft and she doesn’t sound angry so I take a chance and lift my head a little.

“That’s better.  I know that you’re embarrassed about what happened to you, but it wasn’t your fault.  You did what you had to in order to survive.  After all, you weren’t the first girl he took, but you are the only one that he didn’t kill.”

I snap my head up at that.  “W-what?”

The Colonel frowns at me.  “You didn’t know?”

I shake my head.  “N-no.  I…he told me that their parents paid for their return and that he took them back after he was done with them…” I trail off.  Not that I’m surprised that he lied to me but…  “That was a lot of girls,” I say quietly. 

Now I have a new reason to cry.  I never tried to help any of them.  And how stupid am I to believe that he was telling me the truth?

“Yes,” the Colonel agrees softly, “it was a lot of girls.  And since you’re the only one to come out of it alive, that means we can’t ask them what happened.  Our forensics team can determine when and how they died and possibly some of what happened to them, but you are the only one that can tell us what actually happened.  And we need to watch the tapes because I’m sure that there were things that went on there that you don’t know about.”

Well that’s obvious, since I didn’t know he was killing everyone but me.  And I didn’t know what was in the boxes in the attic…and now that I think about it…he must have been doing this a very long time. 

I want to throw up.

Instead, I nod and try to pull myself together.  How did I manage to survive when everyone else didn’t?  I mean, I refused to give him what he wanted, everything I did made him beat me, and if the Interceptors hadn’t shown up when they did, he would have just taken what he wanted and I…I would have been no better off than the other girls.  And once I was dead, he would have found a new victim to keep house for him.

After a while, I finally manage to stop crying and wipe the tears from my face.

Colonel Gage stands.  “I think that’s enough for one day.  I should have everything I need from you, but if I can think of anything else to ask you, I’ll be back.”

I nod.  The Colonel leaves and Travis, David and Matthew come back into my room.

“Are you okay, Kiri?” Matthew asks me.

“S-sort of…did…did you know…he killed them all?”

The three Interceptor Agents exchange a look and then David nods.  “Yeah, kid, we did.  Near the end he got really sloppy…left us a trail to follow, though we didn’t fully realize it until after we found you.  I guess we hoped we were wrong.”

That doesn’t make me feel better.  I start to cry again because I should have been part of that trail of bodies.  “I didn’t know…I…I didn’t help any of them.”

Travis sits next to me on the bed and gently pulls me into his warm embrace.  It’s a bit awkward because of the brace on his left shoulder, but I don’t care.  “Shhh…it’s okay…it wasn’t your fault.  Had you done anything differently, you would have died just like them.”

“B-but—”

“No,” Travis cuts me off gently.  “None of what happened was your fault.  You don’t need to take the blame.”

I cry into his shirt as he holds me.  I can’t change the past, but I can still feel bad about what happened to those poor girls.  Used and then thrown away…and I was next.  How did I happen to draw the long straw and get rescued?  It isn’t like I did anything to deserve it.  I’m not religious, I don’t know if I believe in a supreme being of any sort and…if Delia is to be believed, I was a pain in the butt growing up.  Why me?

I may never know the answer.  What I do know is that I am totally drained at this point.  I let myself fall asleep as I lean against Travis.

44: Chapter 44

Chap. 44

“Why?”

“Why didn’t you help us?”

“Why did you live?”

“Why?”

“Why?”

“Why?”

I don’t know.  Stop asking me.  I don’t know.

“WHY?”

“I’m sorry,” I whimper.  “I didn’t know.”

Faces come at me.  Girl’s faces.  I don’t know if I know any of them, but they chase me.

“No…leave me alone!”

“You should have done something!”

What could I have done?  “I didn’t know.”

“You are responsible…you could have helped.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”  I can feel the tears start down my cheeks.  “I didn’t know.”

“A lame excuse from someone who doesn’t deserve to live.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper again.  I just want them to leave me alone.  They won’t go away.  Their voices taunt me, accuse me, condemn me.

“I didn’t know.  Please stop this,” I beg.

“NO!  You deserve this!  You stood by and did nothing to help us.  And now no one will help you.”

The voices laugh as the faces swirl around me.  I crouch down and cover my face, willing them to go away. 

“Please…I’m sorry…I’m sorry!”  The tears are coming faster now.  I can’t change what happened and now I’ll have to live with it. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Kiri—”

“I didn’t know.”

“Kiri, wake up.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Kiri, come on, snap out of it!”

“Please…stop…I’m sorry.  Don’t…don’t hurt me,” I beg.

The girls chase me through the abyss.  One of them grabs me and I fall hard.  They jump on me, hitting, biting and clawing at me.  One of them sits on my chest and shakes me roughly.

I scream as I wake up suddenly.  My ribs are burning.

“Kiri, calm down!  Everything is okay.”

Wait a second.  Where am I?  I’m…that’s right, I’m still in the hospital.  I try to take a few deep breaths to calm myself down, but it hurts.  I close my eyes and wrap my arms around myself tightly.  It helps a little, but it still hurts to breathe.  Tears of pain and anguish trickle hotly down my cheeks.  The voices from my nightmare were right.  I should have helped them.  I don’t deserve to be alive right now.

“Kiri, it’s okay.  You’re safe.  Nobody will hurt you.”

I open my eyes as someone brushes my hair from my face. 

“There, there…it’s okay.”  Matthew carefully lifts me into a hug and I cling to him.  I can’t stop myself from trembling. 

This is real, I tell myself, not the dream.  The dream isn’t real.  I’m safe…they’re not after me.

“Better?” Matthew asks as I calm down.  I nod against his shirt.  He holds me and I don’t move.  This is real…I’m safe…everything is okay.

But being okay doesn’t quell my guilt.  I should have done something…

“You couldn’t have done anything to change what happened,” Matthew murmurs in my ear.  “I want you to stop blaming yourself.  You don’t deserve to carry that burden.”

“I…I don’t deserve to…be alive right now,” I whisper.

“Why would you think that?”  Matthew’s voice is still soft and he sounds curious, he doesn’t sound upset with me.

“I don’t know.”

“Then maybe it isn’t true.”

Maybe…

Matthew holds me in silence until I stop trembling.  He carefully sets me back against the pillows and helps me adjust the bed so that my ribs don’t hurt as much. 

“Would you like to try and sleep again?  I can get something from Sarah to help you if you like.”

I shake my head.  I don’t want to tempt any more nightmares right now. 

“Hm…well, it’s a bit early for the cafeteria to be open.  Would you like to watch a movie until we can order breakfast?”

I’m not exactly hungry right now, but a movie might be a welcome distraction, so I nod.

Matthew hands me the television remote and I flip through the channels.

“Is there anything you’d like to watch, Matthew?” I ask as I go through a third time.  Nothing looks good to me.

“Go back to channel 8.”

I do so and there’s an old movie on.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before, but I think Matthew has.  He settles into the chair and I relax and watch. 

This movie is so weird.  It’s got these big blue…creatures that interact with humans pretending to be part of their tribe.  I don’t get it. 

“What is this?” I ask.

“It’s called ‘Avatar.’  It’s from the early part of the century.  It won a bunch of awards so I thought it might be better than this.  We can find something else if you’d like.”

“No…might as well finish this.  Maybe the award winning bits are at the end.”

No such luck.  By the end of the movie we’re making comments to make fun of it.  It’s better that way.  I have to be careful not to laugh too much because it hurts.

After that movie is over there’s another one.  We continue our game and make fun of it, just because it’s fun to do. 

We’re still giggling during the credits when there’s a knock on the door.  Matthew answers it and ShÇŽo zhÇ” comes in.

“Roland needs to see you, Matthew.”

“Okay.”  He looks at me.  “The cafeteria should be open now, so if you’re hungry, tell ShÇŽo zhÇ”.”

I nod and Matthew leaves. 

ShÇŽo zhÇ” gives me a funny look.  “Are you okay?”

I nod.

ShÇŽo zhÇ” raises an eyebrow.  “Are you hungry?”

I shake my head.  No.  I’m not feeling hungry.  In fact, without the distraction of the movies, the guilt is creeping its way back in.

ShÇŽo zhÇ” frowns.  “What were you watching?”

“Some old movie.  I think Matthew said it was called ‘Alien Vs. Predator.’”

For some reason, ShÇŽo zhÇ” looks relieved.  “I didn’t think you’d like that kind of movie.”

“Well, we made it better by making fun of it.”

“Ah…I see.  I suppose that would make a number of those older movies more enjoyable.”

A new movie starts and ShÇŽo zhÇ” and I watch in silence.  Apparently he’s not the type to make comments during movies.  Unfortunately, this movie isn’t enough to keep my mind from wandering and I start to think about those girls again.  I should have helped them.

“What was that?”

“Oh…um…nothing.”  I really need to remember that I can talk now and not get into the habit of saying every little thought that pops into my head.

ShÇŽo zhÇ” shrugs and turns his attention back to the movie.

I try to focus on the movie, I really do…but my guilt nags at the back of my mind until I can’t ignore it anymore.  I sigh.

“Kiri?  What’s bothering you?”

“N-nothing.”

ShÇŽo zhÇ” turns off the television.  “No you don’t.  What’s bothering you?”

Well, might as well tell him.  I don’t think he’ll let me off the hook if I refuse.  “It’s just…I’ve been thinking…about those girls…the ones he took and…and I…” I sigh.  “I don’t understand why I wasn’t killed, too.”

ShÇŽo zhÇ” doesn’t say anything.  He just stares at me and blinks owlishly.  “Um…well…I guess…I guess that kind of depends on your opinion of fate.”

“Huh?”

“Do you believe in fate or destiny, Kiri?”

“I don’t know…not really.”

“Hm…so you don’t think that things happen for a reason?”

“I…I guess that might be true, for some things.”

“Kiri, someone once told me that there are no accidents.  Everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t ever understand what the reason is.”

“Do you believe that, ShÇŽo zhÇ”?”  I don’t know why, but part of me really wants to believe that what he says is true.  I guess I just want for there to be a reason that I was allowed to escape when others weren’t.

ShÇŽo zhÇ” nods.  “Yes.  I do.  There have been events in my life that I really didn’t understand at the time…and there are some that I still don’t understand.  But everything that has happened to me has happened for a reason.”

“Like what?”  While part of me wants to believe him, part of me wants to find a reason not to.

He clears his throat.  “Well…for example…I, uh…well I’m from Hong Kong.”

I frown.  “I thought Hong Kong was destroyed during the war.”

He nods.  “It was one of the first places destroyed.  I was out of town when…when the city was bombed.”  ShÇŽo zhÇ” takes a deep breath.  “I…I didn’t understand why it happened when it did, but…but now I can see that if I had been home, I would have died as well and my family line would have been wiped out.  It may not seem like much of a reason, but I think part of the reason I was allowed to live was for my family line to survive.”

Wow.  “But…surely you weren’t the only family member to survive.  Not everyone from your family lived in Hong Kong, did they?”  Part of me wants to believe that ShÇŽo zhÇ” isn’t the last of his line altogether.

He looks down.  “No…I found some relatives from my father’s line but when I tried to reconnect with them, they said they didn’t want anything to do with me because…because I was illegitimate in their eyes because my parents didn’t marry until after I was born.  I have to say that it hurt a lot, but…but now I think that maybe it’s for the best.   The dead are able to rest in peace and I’ve had many experiences I wouldn’t have had otherwise.  Many of the things I’ve grown to love would have been considered beneath my station.”

He glances at me and chuckles at my puzzled expression.  “Ah, yes…I may have been considered illegitimate, but my father insisted on naming me his heir.  He was quite a capable businessman and had many assets.  We were quite wealthy, even though my father made it a point not to let it go to his head and he made sure that I was raised with the same mentality.”  He pauses and adds thoughtfully, “He was probably just as wealthy as the Parkers, now that I think about it.”

There is silence for a few minutes until I say, “There’s still no reason for me to be alive.”

 “I’m certain that in the future, the purpose behind your being spared will be revealed to you.  Can you not find a reason at all, even a simple one?”

Well that gives me something to think about.  Can I find a reason for why I wasn’t killed?  “I guess…I guess if I had died, then…he would have had to replace me and then someone else would have been treated the way I was.”

ShÇŽo zhÇ” gives me a gentle smile.  “Yes, you being alive saved another girl’s life.  You’ll never know who it was, but the point is that she is alive and unharmed because you survived.”

For some reason I feel a lot better now and the relief makes me start to cry.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” stiffly hugs me and I embrace him back.

“Thank you, ShÇŽo zhÇ”,” I manage once I calm down a bit.

“You’re quite welcome.”  He lets me go and clears his throat.  “Based on this conversation and judging by the current time I’d bet you didn’t sleep very well.”

I shake my head.

“Would you like to try and sleep some more or would you rather that I order you breakfast?”

I am feeling tired now.  The guilt I felt over not helping those girls has been lessened by the thought that I did save at least one other girl’s life and I feel like I could sleep.

“I think I should try and sleep.”

He nods. 

“You can turn on the television again if you want.  It won’t bother me.”  I carefully snuggle under the blankets and shut my eyes.  I listen to whatever show it is that ShÇŽo zhÇ” finds but I don’t last very long before I fall into a deep and peaceful slumber.

45: Chapter 45

Chap. 45

“Is Gage crazy?  Seriously, has she gone off the deep end again?”

“David, keep your voice down.  I don’t like it either, but Gage has her reasons.”

“Matthew, this is crap.  The kid doesn’t need to be around them again for any reason.”

“It won’t be like last time.”

“No, it’ll be worse because Kiri already knows what they did to her.  She doesn’t need to watch it again.”

“David, calm down or you’ll wake her up.  She’s resting properly for once and we should let her as long as she can.”

There’s a sigh.  “Sorry, Matt.  This whole situation just sucks.  I mean, she already knows her parents sold her out.  Why does Gage want her to confront them again?”

“I’m not sure.  Maybe she needs more information to properly convict them.  Or maybe she just wants Kiri to have a chance at closure.”

Someone, I’m assuming David, snorts.  “Yeah, right.  You know I still don’t trust her, right?”

“Whether you trust her or not, David, you signed on for this.  At least we’ll be there with Kiri so if something happens we can stop it before it escalates like last time.”

“Yeah, I guess.”  David still sounds annoyed. 

I’d try and go back to sleep, but my stomach hurts.  I curl up into a tight ball to make it stop.  It doesn’t help.

“Kiri?  What’s wrong?”

Oh yeah, Matthew can tell what I’m feeling.  I crack my eyes open.  “My stomach hurts.”

He frowns at me.  “When was the last time you ate?”

Umm…when was the last time I ate?  “Not since…since before I talked to the Colonel.”

“I’ll bet that’s the problem.  What would you like to eat?”

“I don’t know.”  Nothing sounds good.  My stomach hurts.  I curl up tighter as Matthew picks up the phone.  He’s talking to Sarah about me.  The pain in my stomach distracts me from his conversation.  I curl up as tight as I can.  It still isn’t helping much.

David comes over and absently brushes my hair away from my face.  “Your hair’s gettin’ long.”

“I’m thinking about getting it trimmed.”  It’s not a great distraction, but talking about my hair is still a distraction and I’ll try anything to get my mind off of how much my tummy hurts.

David grins at me.  “Well, maybe we can take care of that later if you’re up to it.”

I frown at him.  “How—?”

“David, don’t get her hopes up.  Sarah might not clear her just yet.”

I sit up carefully as Matthew comes over.  My ribs don’t hurt as much as today, but I don’t want to move wrong and risk making them hurt again.  “Clear me for what?”

“To go out,” David says matter-of-factly.

I frown.  “Out where?”

Matthew rolls his eyes at David.  “Colonel Gage would like us to take you shopping for some clothes.”

I blink at him.  “Um…I have clothes.”

He gives me a gentle smile.  “Yes, I know.  But…you’re going to need something different to wear for a court appearance.”

I look down.  I knew I would get in trouble for shooting Chase.  It was just a matter of time.  “I didn’t mean to shoot him,” I mumble.

Matthew lifts my chin so I look at him.  “You’re not in trouble.  Your parents are being put on trial for child endangerment.  Gage wants you to be there.”

“Do…do I have to?” I whisper.  I don’t want to see them again.

“Don’t worry about it.  We’ll be there with you and we won’t leave you alone with them this time.”

I’m not sure that makes me feel any better about it. 

“Hey, kid, relax.  Why don’t you get some breakfast and then we’ll have Sarah check you out,” David suggests.

“Um…okay.”  I suppose I can always hope that Sarah won’t clear me. 

David orders me waffles, but not from the hospital cafeteria.  He orders them from a waffle house.  They’re really good, but I’m kind of nervous about the whole ‘going to court and seeing my dad and Delia again’ thing, so I don’t eat very much. 

Fortunately, David doesn’t seem to mind.  He just helps himself to the waffles that I can’t eat.  The bit that I manage to eat helps my stomach to stop hurting.

After we’re all done eating, Matthew gets Sarah.

She checks my arm.  The bullet he grazed my arm with didn’t hit me deep enough to need stitches.  She says it’s healing well, but it’s at such an odd spot that I won’t be able to look at it without a mirror, so I’ll take her word for it.  Sarah takes her time checking my foot.  The stitches are ready to come out, so she grabs a pair of scissors and some tweezers and pulls them out.  There’s a scar, but I knew there would be.

“This looks really good, Kiri.  I want you to keep an eye on it once you start wearing shoes, though.  If it looks like it’s starting to get infected or if it starts to hurt, let me know straight away.  Now let’s check your ribs.”

Sarah gently presses my ribs.  They’re sore, but definitely not as bad as they have been.  She takes me to get x-rays, just to check how well they’re really healing.  She shows me the scans and the breaks in my ribs.  No wonder my ribs hurt.  One of them is broken in two places.

She takes me back to my room, where David and Matthew are waiting.  She turns to them.  “Kiri can go out, but you two need to swear that you won’t let her get banged up.  Her ribs are still healing and it is possible to re-break them if she gets hit just right.”

David nods.  “Yeah, Sarah, we’ve had enough broken ribs to know.  Remember that one time when I made ‘ZhÇ” mad and he tackled me and then those two ribs broke again and punctured my lung?”

Holy crap that must have hurt!  I wonder how long it took him to get over that.

Sarah frowns at David.  “Exactly my point, David.  If you can’t be careful with her I’ll tell Gage that she isn’t healed up enough to leave yet.”

Matthew looks at me.  “She’ll be just fine, Sarah.  We won’t let anything happen to her.”

She nods.  “Just don’t make me regret letting you take her.”

Matthew gives her a winning smile.  “You won’t.  Come on, Kiri.  Let’s go shopping.”

Not wearing this, I’m not.  I’m not going out in public wearing a green pajama top and blue pajama bottoms. 

Matthew and David head out the door, but I don’t move.  Matthew pokes his head back in with a frown.

“Are you coming?”

“I’m not going out like this.”

He blinks at me.  “Oh, right.  We’ll wait outside while you change.”

He shuts the door and I get out some real clothes.  Sarah helps me get my pants and shoes and socks on because it still hurts to bend over.  How am I supposed to try on clothes if I can’t get dressed by myself?  Can I please just not go?

“Sarah?”

“Yes?”

“This isn’t going to work.”

She frowns at me.  “What do you mean?”

I sigh.  “How am I supposed to try on clothes when I can’t dress myself right now?”  I mean, I know David’s gay and all, but I’m still not about to let him help me get dressed.

“Didn’t they tell you?  Cathy’s meeting you at the mall.”

“Really?  Is the rest of the circus in town, too?”

Sarah laughs at my sudden enthusiasm.  “I’m not sure.  I do know that when Gage mentioned having you show up to your parents’ court appearance, Travis suggested having Cathy take you shopping.  He told Cathy you needed a day out and she said she’d be more than glad to take you, so they must not be too far away.  David and Matthew are really only going as security.  Speaking of which, you should get going before they get antsy.”

I nod and head out the door.  Sarah follows me and makes sure that I am safe with David and Matthew before heading off to her next patient.

The two agents lead me out the front doors and down to a waiting…limousine?  For real?

The driver opens the back door for us and David slides in.  Matthew helps me get into the low vehicle and, once inside, David helps me into a very comfortable seat.

Matthew gives the driver instructions before sliding in next to us.  Did I just hear the driver call him ‘Master’ Parker?  Shoot.  I mean, I knew he was loaded but…

“Are you comfortable, Kiri?” Matthew asks me.

I nod.  “Not that this isn’t awesome, but isn’t it a bit much?”

David laughs.  “Yeah, maybe.  But the ride is smoother than my truck and we didn’t want you bounced around.  Sarah’d kill us.”

Matthew shrugs.  “Plus this way we have enough room for anything we buy.”

I raise an eyebrow.  Does he really think we’ll buy that much stuff?

David just shakes his head with a grin.  I’m thinking he’s used to Matthew doing this.

We pull up to the mall and Matthew’s driver opens the door for us.  Matthew gets out and reaches a hand back to help me.  And I’m glad he did because I move just the wrong way and my ribs twinge painfully, making me stumble.  I can’t help but gasp.

“Kiri?  Are you alright?”

I nod.  “Just need to be more careful, I guess.”

Matthew nods as David joins us.   “Ready for some shoppin’ kid?”

I guess so.  “Where’s Cathy supposed to meet us?”

“There’s a fountain in front of the first shop I’d like to take you to,” Matthew tells me.  “Cathy should be there waiting for us.”

The three of us make our way through the mall.  I look around me.  I’ve never been to a mall this size before.  They even have an ice skating rink.  David slings an arm over my shoulder as we walk.  I think about shrugging it off, but then I see him glaring at some teenagers that are eyeing him funny.  I really hope they don’t start anything.  There are six of them.

“Kiri!”

I turn towards Cathy’s voice and see her standing by the fountain, waving at us.  I wave back, trying not to wince as I move wrong again.  Just for the record, broken ribs suck big time.

Cathy gives me a hug.  “Oh, I missed you!”

“I missed you, too.”

She holds me at arm’s length.  “You’re talking now?”

I nod and tell her about the surgery as we head into the department store.

“Seems Travis conveniently forgot to tell me,” Cathy says with a wry smile.  “Or maybe he just wanted to surprise me.  Either way, I’m glad that you’re talking.”

“Me, too,” I admit. 

“So, what have you been up to?” Cathy asks as she starts picking outfits for me to try on.

I glance at Matthew and David, unsure of how much I’m allowed to tell her.  Matthew comes over. 

“Cathy, um…what Kiri needs is an outfit to wear for a court appearance.  You see, we found out that her parents…well, they sold her and now they’re being charged with neglect and child endangerment since it happened while she was still a minor.  Colonel Gage has requested that Kiri be at the hearing.”

“Are you kidding me?  Oh, Kiri, I’m so sorry.”  Cathy grabs me into a tight hug and I yelp.  She lets me go quickly as I turn red.

“S-sorry, Cathy.  Um…”  I feel bad because Cathy looks really hurt.

“Cathy,” Matthew interjects softly.  “I’m sorry, this is my fault.  I left out that Kiri was injured again.  She ended up with three broken ribs and they haven’t quite healed yet.”

She rounds on Matthew.  “I thought you were supposed to keep her safe!”

“Cathy, wait…don’t blame Matthew.”  I put a hand on Cathy’s arm.  “Please.  He—”

“Kiri, Matthew has a habit of hurting people he claims to be friends with.”  I’m surprised at the venom in Cathy’s tone.

“But…Cathy, you don’t understand.”  I can’t stop the tears from springing to my eyes.  “He did protect me.  It would have been so much worse if Matthew hadn’t been there.”

David carefully wraps his arms around me and I can feel myself calming down.  “Alright you two.  I’ve had enough of this.  You two are not going to fight the entire time we’re out or I’m taking Kiri and we’ll go shopping without your input.  Cathy, I understand that you’re still mad at what happened during the war but it’s over.  Travis has forgiven Matthew so there’s no reason for you to keep holding this stupid grudge of yours.”

Cathy looks down and sighs.  “I’m sorry, Matthew.  I shouldn’t be holding that against you still.  I know it was an accident, but…I…Travis is the only family I have and I almost lost him.  I…I’ll try to let go and stop blaming you.”

“Cathy.  It’s alright.”  Matthew’s voice is soft as he places a hand on Cathy’s arm.  “I understand why you’ve been so upset with me.  I never meant to hurt Travis…or you.”

“I know.”  Cathy gives Matthew a soft smile and he smiles back. 

“Good.  Can we shop now?” David breaks the tender moment and the two roll their eyes at him.

“Only if you tell me what happened.  I want to know how Kiri got hurt,” Cathy says as David lets me go.

“Chase got hold of her again,” Matthew tells Cathy.  He tells her the details and I’m glad I don’t have to tell what happened.  I start to look at the different racks of clothing.  David pretends to shop with me as Matthew and Cathy move to another rack, still talking.

“You okay, kid?” he asks me softly.

“I’m fine, David.  How did Matthew hurt Travis?”  I’ve been wondering why Cathy didn’t like Matthew, but now I want details.

“That’s not really my place to say.  Let’s just say that a training mission went wrong and Travis ended up losing his memory.  He was hurt pretty bad and they had to keep him in a medically induced coma for two months.  Cathy, well, like she said, Travis is her only family and she kind of went off the deep end.  She yelled at all of us and told us to stay away from him.  Fortunately he got his memory back and was able to set her straight.  But since Matthew was Lead that day, the accident was technically his fault and he’s had to deal with her hatred this whole time.  And I’m sure that’s been really hard on him because of his empathy.”

I look at where Matthew and Cathy are having a discussion over an outfit.  Maybe it’s just me, but he seems a little more relaxed than he usually is around her.  Maybe with his empathy he can tell if she truly forgave him or not.

I turn back to the rack of clothes in front of me.  I find a couple of outfits that might work, but I’m not really sure of my size.  Hm…I’ll just guess, I guess.

“Did you find anything?”  I look up and see Cathy coming towards me.  Her arms are full of clothes.

I hold up the three outfits I found and she gestures with her head towards the dressing room.  “Why don’t you try on these to start and then we can look some more, ‘kay?”

I nod and follow her to the dressing rooms.  “Um…Cathy?”

“Yeah?”

“I…I might need your help.”  I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks.  “This morning I had a hard time getting dressed because of my ribs,” I explain quietly.

“No problem.  We’ll just take the big dressing room at the end so we’ll both fit in there.”

Well, that’s a bit of a relief, even if it is a bit embarrassing that I can’t seem to dress myself today.

There are three pairs of the same outfit in different sizes.  Cathy tells me to try those on first so we can get the right sizes for everything else.  Once my size is determined, I try on about a hundred different outfits.  Okay, not really a hundred, but it feels like it.

In the end, Matthew and Cathy decide on three of them.  I don’t need three outfits, but my protests are ignored.  What’s the point of talking if everyone ignores you anyway?

I follow Matthew and Cathy to the cashier.

“Oh my gosh! Amanda is that you?”

46: Chapter 46

Chap. 46

“Oh my gosh! Amanda is that you?”

I turn in surprise.  One of the clerks is looking at me funny.  She’s about my age with blonde hair cut into a bob.  She looks familiar.  “C-Courtney?”  I’m not really sure it’s her because the last time I saw her, her hair was red.

“It IS you!”  Courtney throws her arms around me, squeezing me tightly.  Ow! 

“C-Court, can you let me go?” I ask, trying not to sound like I’m in too much pain. 

She lets me go and looks at me with a pout.  “Where have you been?”

“Is this someone you know?” Matthew asks from behind me.

“Yes.  This is Courtney.  We went to school together.”  I’m not sure why I’m suddenly feeling so confused.  I mean, I should be happy that Courtney remembers me, right?  But on the other hand, I’m not sure I was ready to run into anyone I knew…before.  I’m not sure what to tell her about where I’ve been.

“It’s very nice to meet you Courtney.”  Matthew offers her a hand and she shakes it, giving me a funny look as she does so.

“Nice to meet you, too…Mr. Parker.”

“Please, call me Matthew.”

Courtney blushes a bit.  “Um, ‘Manda, can I have a quick word with you?”

She pulls me a few aisles away before I can protest.  “I can’t believe you.”

I look at her in surprise.  “Wh-what do you mean?”

“You ran away so you could get him first knowing full well that I called dibs in third grade!”

Oh good grief.  I forgot how obsessed with Matthew Courtney had always been.

“It isn’t like that, Courtney.  I only met Matthew a few months ago.”

She crosses her arms and gives me a look that says she doesn’t believe me.

I sigh.  “Courtney, I was kidnapped on my way home from school all those years ago.  I was found by the Interceptors a couple of months ago and they’ve been helping me.  And Matthew does some consulting work for the Interceptors sometimes so…that’s how we met.”  I’m not sure what else I can safely tell her.  I’m pretty sure Matthew doesn’t want it to become common knowledge that he works for the Interceptors right now.

“Oh, ‘Manda, I was just kidding!”  Courtney is horrified.  “I really didn’t mean to make you feel bad.  I…I guess I just thought that teasing you about going after my crush would keep this from getting awkward.  It kind of backfired, I’m sorry.”

I give her a small smile.  “It’s okay, Courtney.  Under different circumstances, it would have worked better.”

She nods.  “Do your parents know you’re safe?”

Oh, boy, do they ever.

She continues, not even realizing that I didn’t answer her.  “They thought that Tanya and I knew where you were.  But then, like, all of a sudden, they said that looking for you was a lost cause and they called the search off.  It was weird.”

“What’s weird is that they bothered looking for me in the first place,” I mutter.

Courtney frowns at me.  “What do you mean?”

“Courtney…they…they sold me to the man that took me.  They knew where I was the whole time.”

Courtney’s eyes widen.  “No kidding?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh…Amanda…I…that sucks so much.  What are you going to do now?”

“I’m not sure.  I can’t figure that out until some other stuff gets taken care of.”

“Oh.  Well, here’s my number.  Give me a call when you can hang out, okay?”

“Thanks, Court.”  I give her a hug.  “I missed you so much.”

“Yeah, I missed you, too.”

We end the hug and I ask, “So…what about Tanya?  Is she working in the mall somewhere, too?”

Courtney looks down.  “No.  She actually disappeared about two years after you did.  Her parents said they found a note saying she was running away.  She always said that she hated living here and she was going to go to New York and make it on Broadway, but I figured she would have at least told me she was leaving.  Or called me when she got her big break, but I haven’t heard from her.”

“Oh…Courtney I’m sorry I wasn’t there.  That must have been so hard for you to lose both of us.”

She nods.  “Hey, at least I didn’t have any competition for Mitch.”  The joke is a weak one, but it helps to break some of the awkwardness.

“So are you two still together then?”

“No.”  She waves a hand.  “He’s totally not who I thought he was.  He turned out to be a jerk.  He only invited me to homecoming because he thought he could get me alone in a hotel room afterwards.  I ended up giving him a black eye.”

“Good for you, Court.  I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

She grins at me.  “Well, I guess I’d better let you get back to the hotties you’re shopping with.  But before you go, can I ask you a favor?”

“Sure.”

“Can you get me Matthew’s number?  He’s gone from cute to gorgeous!”

I chuckle.  “I’ll ask him, but no promises.”

“Tell me honestly, do you think I have a chance with him?”

“I don’t know him well enough to tell you, but I’ll put in a good word for you.”

“Oh, ‘Manda, you’re still the best!”

She gives me a quick hug and she dashes off before she gets in trouble for not working.  I make my way back to the cash register where two Interceptors and a circus star are waiting for me.

“Everything all right?” David asks me.

I nod.

“Great.  All this shopping is makin’ me hungry.  I vote we hit the food court next.”

“David, you’re always hungry,” Matthew says, shaking his head.  “But if it will keep you from complaining through the next few shops, I suppose we ought to get something to eat.”

We go to the food court.  I’m not overly hungry, but there’s a smoothie stand, so I get one of those.  It’s yummy.  The others are getting food at different shops, so Matthew tells me to find a table near the eatery where he’s ordering his meal.  I sip at my smoothie and look around while I wait.  There are a lot of people here, but the only people I recognize are David, Cathy and Matthew, all of whom are standing in different lines to order food.  I’m not sure if that’s a good thing because I don’t see any of his people, or a bad thing because they might be here anyway and I wouldn’t know it.

“Hey, sweetcheeks.  This seat taken?”

It’s one of the teenagers that was eyeing David earlier.  He’s got messy dark hair and is wearing ripped jeans and a black leather jacket.  “Y-yes, it is.”

He narrows his eyes.  “By who?  That fag that had his arm around you?”  The guy sits anyway.  “I know what you want.  You want a real man.”  He puts his hand on my knee.  I move my leg and he grabs my knee again.  “I can give you what you want.”  His hand travels up my leg.  I push his hand off me.

“Please leave me alone.”

He smirks at me.  “And if I don’t?”

I throw my smoothie in his face. 

He jumps up, wiping the frosty drink out of his eyes.  “You’ll pay for that you little—”

Suddenly he is twirled around and David punches him in the face.  He ends up on the floor, clutching his nose.  David is glaring down at the teen.  “Stay away from her if you don’t want to go home in pieces.”

The guy gets off the floor and wipes the blood from his obviously broken nose.  “You think you’re somethin’ tough?  Come on, fag, let’s go.”

David’s eyes narrow.  I’m thinking he learned that look from Roland.  “Leave.  Now.”

“You think a homo like you is gonna make me?”  The teen’s friends have started to close in around us.  “This is our turf, got it?  Even the cops around here know not to mess with us.”

“You don’t know what you’re messing with, kid.  Go home before you hurt yourself.”  David looks at me.  “Cathy’s over at the pizza joint.  Find her.”

I nod and get up to leave.

The teen grabs me.  “Oh no…this little tart’s comin’ with me.  I promised to show her a good time.”

I struggle in his grasp as he lifts me off the ground.  “Let me go!”  He’s hurting me.  “Please…let me go!” I beg.

He pulls me off as his friends surround David.

“LET ME GO!” I scream as the teen tightens his grip on me. 

Everything happens so fast that I’m not entirely sure how it happens.  The guy holding onto me suddenly lets me go and I fall to the floor.  I turn and see Matthew sitting on his chest beating the snot out of him.  I look over at David and there are five guys around him on the floor, groaning in pain.  David comes over and taps Matthew on the shoulder.

“You know, Matt, I really hate it when you take over my projects.”

Matthew gives the guy one last punch to the face and gets up, dusting off his hands.  “Well, you were taking too long.”

“I totally had it under control.”  David looks at me and offers me a hand.  “You okay, Kiri?”

I nod as he helps me up.  “H-how?  There were five of them, David.”  I know I’m not making any sense, but this whole thing doesn’t make any sense. 

“I know, they were outnumbered and I shoulda gone easier on ‘em.  But next time maybe they’ll think twice before messing with someone they don’t know.”  He winks at me.  “Let’s get you another smoothie, okay?”

I nod, completely dumbfounded.  How did he do that?  I thought for sure they’d overpower him, but he doesn’t have a mark anywhere.  And Matthew…I haven’t seen him hit anyone like that before. 

“Kiri?  Are you sure you’re okay?”

I look up at David.  He’s frowning a little at me.  “Y-yeah…just a little shaken up, I guess.”

He gives me a serious look.  “You’re sure?  You’re not hurt?”

I shake my head.  “No.  He grabbed me a little tight, but I don’t think he did any real damage.”

David frowns.  “You’re absolutely positive?”

I nod. 

“If you’re sure…”

I nod again. 

“Well alright.  What kind of smoothie did you want?”

I get a new smoothie and David puts his arm around me to lead me back to where Matthew is speaking with the mall security and a few local cops, who are taking the teens away.  I flinch as the one who grabbed me glares at me.  David glares back at him and the guy pales a bit before quickly looking away.

David has me sit at a new table and he quickly grabs his tray of food which miraculously wasn’t ruined during his tussle.  He sits next to me and starts eating.  Matthew joins us shortly afterward with his own food.  Cathy comes a few minutes later.  The line at the pizzeria was the longest in the food court, but everyone got to watch the fight.  That’s another thing: why did no one bother to help them or me?  Everyone just stood around watching.  Maybe it happens a lot here?  That doesn’t make me feel any better.

“I can’t take you anywhere,” she huffs as she sits down next to me.  “Honestly, boys, don’t you think you could have handled it without beating those stupid teens to a pulp?”

Matthew and David look at each other before turning to Cathy and answering “No” in unison.  I swear they’re both trying not to laugh.

She gives an exasperated grunt and rolls her eyes.  “Boys,” she mutters.  She looks at me.  “Are you alright, Kiri?  They didn’t let you get hurt, did they?”

“I’m fine, Cathy.”  I concentrate on my smoothie.

“Kiri, don’t let what happened bother you,” David tells me quietly.  “Those guys have been eyeing you since we walked into the mall.  I knew it was only a matter of time before they started something.  Now it’s over with and nobody should bother us anymore.”

Matthew frowns at David.  “Was that why you claimed to be hungry already?  So you could have it out with those kids?”

“Hey, I wanted to get on with the inevitable.  This way it’s all done and Kiri and Cathy can shop in peace.”  David takes a bite of his sandwich.  “And, this is my favorite joint.  Not every mall has an Earl of Sandwich in it.  I figured if I ate somethin’ now I’d be hungry again before we leave and I can get another one.”

Matthew shakes his head.  “Only you, David.”

I try to shake it off, I really do, but I was almost taken again.  I can’t help it when the tears trickle down my cheeks.  I try to wipe them away before anyone sees, but David notices.

“Kiri?  Come here.”  He scoots his chair closer to me and puts his arm around me, pulling me into his chest.  “It’s okay,” he murmurs into my hair.  “Shhh…it’s okay.”

I sob silently against his shirt.  At least it’s black so the wet spot won’t show as much.  I wish Travis was here.  But it’s my fault he’s not.  He got hurt because of me.

“What else does Kiri need?”  David’s voice rumbles in his chest as I lean against it.

“Well, shoes…and she said she wanted to get her hair cut and I was going to let her get whatever else she wanted,” Matthew says.  “Kiri, do you want to go back now?  We can if that’s what you want to do.”

I don’t know what I want.  I don’t want to ruin everyone else’s mall time, but I’m probably going to be a bit jumpier now, even if those dumb boys are gone.

“I have a suggestion,” Cathy interjects.  “Since she needs shoes, why don’t we go to the shoe store and then Kiri can decide if she wants to stay or go back.”

That’s reasonable.  I nod against David’s chest.  I think I’ve calmed down enough to try and finish my smoothie.  I pull out of David’s arms and wipe the lingering tears from my eyes.

“You let us know if you’re uncomfortable, okay?” David says softly.  “We don’t even have to find shoes here if you don’t want to.  There are plenty of places to go in this city.”

I nod, grateful that my bangs are so long so no one can see my eyes as I look down at the table.  Why does this have to be so hard?  If that had been the only time someone tried to abduct me and I was rescued by guys as hot as Matthew and David, I’d be fawning over them and thanking them profusely.  I mean, if a random hot guy saves you when they don’t know you, it’s because they’re chivalrous and stuff.  Not that Matthew and David aren’t chivalrous anyway but…hells bells my train of thought is derailing.  How distracted am I?  I should be grateful but instead all I can do is try not to cry. 

I flinch as a hand ghosts across my back.  I relax as I realize that Cathy is running her hand across my back.  The action calms me further. 

“Hey, if you want to leave we can,” she says softly in my ear.

I shake my head.  “I’m…I’m okay.”  I take a deep breath, exhale and look up.  “Really.  I’m…fine.”

Matthew gives me a searching look but nods his agreement.  “If you change your mind, just tell us.”

I nod.  I take my smoothie and sip at it.  I focus on the texture and how it tastes in an effort to get my mind off of what happened.  It seems to work.  By the time the others are finished eating, I’m at a somewhat normal level of unease as opposed to complete panic.  I wonder if I’ll ever actually be comfortable being out in public.  Well, dwelling on it isn’t going to make it better, so I push the darkening thoughts aside and try to focus on our next task:  Shoe shopping.

I haven’t quite finished my smoothie, so I bring it along and sip at it as we head to the shoe shop.  David walks next to me, his arm over my shoulder and I let him keep me close.  It makes me feel safer this way.  Matthew and Cathy are ahead of us, debating which shoe store to try first.  Matthew keeps darting looks around him, as if he’s watching for something.  I hope he’s just being overly alert and there isn’t anything actually about to happen.

He glances at me and stops walking until I am next to him.  “You’re sure you want to stay?” he asks, falling into step with David and me.

“Y-yeah.”

“Kiri, you don’t need to pretend with me.”

I stop walking and glare at him.  I can’t believe him.  He thinks he knows so much about me just because of his stupid empathy or whatever he wants to call it.  Fine then, since he knows everything, he can just figure out why I’m mad.  I turn and walk off.

47: Chapter 47

Chap. 47

“Hey, wait up!”  David catches up to me.  “What’s wrong?”

Nothing…everything…I don’t know.  “Why don’t you ask Matthew since he knows so much?”

“Oh…I get it.  Look, I know that he seems like a know-it-all sometimes, but sometimes he guesses wrong.  He’s not psychic, you know.”

“He doesn’t know anything.”

David gives me a confused look.  “This isn’t about just now, is it?”

I stop walking and look down.  “Not really.”  I bite my lip, trying to keep it from quivering. 

“You can tell me.”

Something about David’s tone makes me believe that he really cares and actually wants to know what’s bothering me.  I close my eyes.  “It’s just…all those years I thought that I was protecting my family by doing what he told me to do.  Now…now I’m supposed to sit in a court room and listen to a bunch of excuses for why people who claimed to care about me sold me for drugs.  I spent five years living a nightmare and…nothing will ever change that.  I’ll never be free of it.”  I start crying again.  “And now, even when I didn’t do anything to invite it, strangers think they have a right to me.  And I’m tired of…of never being safe.”

David wraps his arms around me.  “Okay…come on.  You and me are gonna go somewhere for a bit and talk.”

I resist a little.  I don’t want to talk.  I just…I don’t know what I want.  I want to feel safe without having to be guarded all the time.  I don’t want to remember the last five years of my life.  I don’t want to cry all the time.  And I don’t want everyone feeling sorry for me.

David leads me through the mall.  He calls Matthew and tells him that we’re going to go do some stuff for a while and he’ll call again when we’re done.  From what I can hear, Matthew doesn’t like that idea, but David is persistent and gets his way.

I’ll bet you think David is taking me to get my hair or nails done, right?  Wrong.  Movie?  Nope.  Ice cream?  Nu-uh.

Instead, we stop and pick up some shorts and t-shirts and he takes me to a gym at the other end of the mall and teaches me how to defend myself.  Well, some of the basics anyway.  He has me go through the motions very slowly so I don’t hurt myself.  He teaches me how to throw a punch and the difference between an upper cut and a jab.

“Okay, so if someone comes at you from the front you wanna look for an opening and take your shot with as much force as you can.  Here.  Let’s do it in slow motion.  I’m coming at you and you…nope.  You gotta aim for someplace that’s gonna make a difference.  Hitting my arm isn’t going to do much.  Aim for my chin.  That’s it.  Or my ribs would be okay, too.  That’s good.  Okay so if I grab you from behind you’re gonna take your elbow and try to smash it into my ribs.  Yup, just like that.  Okay.  If I have you like this you’re gonna grab my upper arm this way and then step back and throw me over your shoulder.  Um…I guess we really can’t practice that one.  Here, let me get someone I can show you on.” 

David manages to find a volunteer and he shows me how to throw someone.  According to him, even if the person is bigger than me, I should be able to do it.  Just to prove his point, he finds a bigger ‘helper.’  This guy is impressed with what David’s teaching me and asks if David wants to spar for a few rounds.

“Well, I dunno.  Kiri, would you be okay if I did?”

“That’s fine, David.  I need to sit for a bit anyway.”   I’ve been careful, but my ribs are starting to feel sore.  I look for an empty chair and sit where I can watch them fight.

Even though the other guy is bigger than he is, David manages to win.  Now I can understand how he beat those five boys.  After a few rounds they decide that they’re done sparring.  Personally, I think the big guy was tired of being beaten.  I’m a bit tired, so we decide to call it quits.  I’m grateful that the small gym has a shower because even though I didn’t move fast, I still managed to work up a bit of a sweat.

“Come on, we’ve got another couple of places to go.”  David pulls me down the hall to a massage parlor.  They have this machine that massages you with water.  David checks to make sure that they can adjust the settings so that I don’t end up hurting when it’s done before he helps me lie down in the machine.  It feels really good.  I’m not sure when the last time was that I was so relaxed.

After the massage it’s off to the salon, where David and the hairdresser have a discussion about what kind of hair style will best fit my facial structure.  For some reason, I find it amusing.  Maybe it’s because not two hours ago David beat the tar out of five guys and then spent an hour teaching me to fight.  I wonder how those stupid boys would feel if they heard David arguing with a hairdresser about whether or not bangs are a good look for me.  I can’t help it…I giggle.

David grins at me then gives me a mock glare.  “You think this is funny?  Hair is serious business, I’ll have you know.”

Trevon, the hairdresser (who pronounces his name Tray-von), gives me some magazines with different hair styles in them and gives me his opinion on which one would look best on me.  After looking through the magazines, I decide that I just want my hair trimmed and layered a bit.  I don’t want to change my look completely, just update it a little. 

David chats it up with Trevon while he’s taking care of my hair and David turns down an offer for a date, simply stating that he’s flattered, but seeing someone.  The hairdresser then asks if I’m seeing anyone and when I blush, David laughs.

“Yeah, she is, but I don’t think they’re telling anyone just yet.”

“Oh?  Is he royalty or something?” Trevon asks as he starts to snip my bangs.

“Naw…they’re just shy about it.”

“Well, it’s too bad you’re taken.  I heard a rumor that Matthew Parker was seen in the mall today.  Word has it he’s still single.  He’s pretty gorgeous, too.  A cute girl like you would easily catch his eye.”

David’s trying to cover a laugh with a cough.

Fortunately, Trevon is too busy gushing about Matthew to notice.  I’m not sure if Matthew swings that way, but I’m sure he would still be flattered to know how highly Trevon thinks of him. 

Wow…my hair looks different.  Not in a bad way, but it may take me a while to get used to it.  It’s shorter now, due to the split ends being trimmed off and Trevon gave the ends a bit of an inward curl so my hair frames my face.  I like it.

Once we leave the salon, David doubles up laughing.  “Oh…oh man.  I’m sorry, Kiri.  That Trevon is somethin’ else!  Oh, I’m gonna have some fun with Matthew!” 

I frown.  “Why?  Just because someone has a crush on him?”

“Naw…it’s the reaction that Matt’ll have.  He turns the funnest shade of red when he’s embarrassed.  I’ll make sure to tease him when you can see.”

“I know I was mad at Matthew earlier, but that isn’t a very nice thing to do.”

He gets himself under control and looks at me.  “Matt’s okay with it.  We’ve been friends for years and teasing each other is just something we do.”

I shrug.  It’s none of business what they do. 

“I wanna go one more place before we join up with Cathy and Matthew again, okay?”

I shrug again and allow David to put his arm around my shoulder again.  He takes me to a Soda Shoppe and orders us drinks and ice cream sundaes. 

Then he gets serious.

No, really.  He’s actually serious.

“Kiri, I’m sorry for what happened earlier.  It was my fault.”

I was wondering when he’d get to the talking part.  I blink at him.  “No it wasn’t.”

“Yes…it was.  I knew those kids were eyeing you and I used you as bait to draw them out.  I’m sorry.”

I’m not sure whether to yell at him or burst into tears.  “Bait?”

“Yeah.  I knew if you were sitting alone they’d show their true colors, so I waited until you reacted to that guy before stepping in.  Had I just gone straight over, he might not have gone so far.”

I look down and close my eyes.  I really don’t want to cry anymore.  “If…if you hadn’t…hadn’t let them get close to me…what do you think they might have done?”

“They would’ve kept following us until they saw an opening.  Then they probably would’ve covered your mouth and run off with you.  He said that this is their ‘turf’ so they probably know a few choice places to hide where we wouldn’t have found you and then…well…then they would’ve done whatever they wanted to you.”

He’s right, of course.  I hate that he’s right because I want a reason to be mad at him.  It sounds stupid, but I just want something to focus on besides how scared I was…still am…and anger would work right now.  “David…please promise me that you won’t use me as bait anymore.  Or if you need to, at least tell me first.”  I look up at him.  “And if I had known that they wouldn’t be able to beat you, I wouldn’t have been so scared.  And maybe…maybe I wouldn’t have gotten mad at Matthew afterwards.”

He nods.  “Yeah, I promise.  I really am sorry.  I…I know how you feel and I shoulda thought it through a little better.”  He looks away, seemingly admiring the décor of the shop.

“You know how I feel?”  Yeah right.

David clears his throat.  “Uh…yeah.  You see…during the war I got…you see…um…when I was younger, not everyone who said they wanted to help me actually wanted to help me.  Some of them…well…let’s just say that being a boy didn’t keep people from treating me like a girl…if you catch my drift.” 

Oh…no! 

“I was caught a couple of times during the war, routine crap that I shoulda been more careful doin’, and the second time was worse than the first, so I understand how scary it was for you to think you were being taken again.  Both times they beat me up pretty good but the worst was the comments they made about my hair and…well…I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t’ve let it go that far before steppin’ in.”

“D-did they—?”  I don’t know what possesses me to ask.  It’s kind of like how you can’t look away from a train wreck or a car accident.  You just have to know what happened.

His look softens.  “No.  They didn’t get the chance.  Roland got me out before they could, but the second time it was real close.”

Yeah…so…who would come after me?  I mean, right now David and Matthew are under orders to keep me safe but what about once the Interceptors are done with me?  I know Travis said he wanted to see me when this is done, but…but what if he can’t?  What if he gets sent away and never comes back?  Or what if we realize that we can’t get along enough to even be friends?

“Why do you look like someone just drowned a kitten?”

I push the ice cream in my dish around with the spoon.  “David…what…I…when this is done…I have nowhere to go.  What am I going to do?”  I sound like I’m about to cry again, which isn’t that unreasonable.  I have nowhere to live, no job, no real friends, no family I can trust…I have nothing.  I can’t even drive.

“Well…you’ve been studying for your GED right?”

I nod.

“So get that and then you can get a job somewhere.  D’you know what you’d like to do?”

“No…David I don’t have any skills.  I can’t do anything.”

“Okay, so…let’s assume that if you DID have the skills to do anything you want, what would it be?”

I shrug.  Years ago I would have said ‘movie star’ but…now I’m just not sure what I want.  That’s not entirely true.  I want to go back to the circus…but I don’t know if I can and I don’t want to say anything because I don’t want that one tiny hope to be dashed right now. 

“There’s gotta be somethin’.”

I sigh.  “Nothing comes to mind.  I guess I could just work fast food.  They’ll train me so I don’t need to know anything in advance.”  And I’ll get used to smelling like French fry grease, right?

“Well, that’s a start anyway,” David mutters.  “You know…you really can do whatever you want.  If you don’t have the skills now, you’ll just have to learn them.  Make a goal and then you’ll have something to work towards.  Think about it, though.  And once you decide we’ll figure out the next step, okay?  And until then I’m sure Cathy’d love to keep you at the circus with her.”

I nod, but continue to play with my melted sundae.  “Thanks, David.  I…I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me today, even if it doesn’t really seem like it right now.  There’s just…so much going on and it gets all mixed up and stresses me out.”

He puts a hand on mine and I look up at him.  “Hey, I get it.  It gets overwhelming sometimes.  And sometimes you just need to take a step back and look at it a different way so it doesn’t completely bury you.  Try not to worry about it for a while and see if that helps, ‘kay?”

“Okay.”  I just need to focus on the now and maybe I’ll get some ideas for the future like David said. 

“So are you ready to go back to Cathy and Matthew or would you like to play with your food a little more?”

I can’t help the half-smile that forces itself to my lips.  I only ate a few bites of the sundae, which I feel a little guilty about, but David doesn’t seem to mind.  “We can go back.”  I should apologize to Matthew for getting mad at him.

David gets up and offers me his arm.  “Shall we then?”

48: Chapter 48

Chap. 48

I take David’s arm and we head a few shops over to where Matthew and Cathy are waiting for us.

“Kiri are you alright?” Cathy asks as soon as she sees me.

“I’m fine, Cathy.”  I look down.  “I’m sorry if I worried you.”

She gives me a careful hug.  “You have nothing to be sorry about.”  She lets me go and glares at David.  “You, on the other hand, have some explaining to do.  Where did you take her?”

“To get ice cream and a massage…and she got her hair done…and I took her to the gym.  Not necessarily in that order.”

Matthew gives David a funny look.  “You took her…to the gym?”

David shrugs.  “Yeah…so?”

“You made her sit around a smelly gym while you worked out?  Really David!”

“No.  I taught her some stuff.  She only sat around after she got tired.”

Matthew frowns at David.  “We’ll talk later.  You should know better than to push her, David.  Sarah is going to be furious if—”

“I’m right here, you know.”  I’d be sorry for interrupting if Matthew didn’t sound so patronizing.  “And for your information I wanted David to teach me to defend myself.  He didn’t push me and wouldn’t even let me actually try any of the moves.  He had me go through the motions slowly so that I wouldn’t hurt myself.  And he got someone else to help him demonstrate so I could see how some of the moves were done.”

David sighs.  “Ya know, Matt…I had her calmed down and you got her all pissed again.”

Matthew looks at me.  “That’s another thing, why are you angry with me?  I didn’t do anything.”

“Why don’t you tell me?  You seem to think you know everything else I’m thinking.”

Matthew blinks and his mouth forms an “O” as realization dawns on him. 

“It’s really annoying to have someone try to tell you what you feel all the time.  I was going to apologize to you because I misdirected my anger.  I wasn’t actually angry with you…I was angry with…with everything that’s happened and…with myself.  And then you went and told me that I was pretending to be okay with everything today and I just snapped.”  I shut my eyes.  “I don’t need anyone to tell me what to think or how to feel.  I have enough going on without everyone trying to live my life for me.  What I was really freaked out about was how paranoid you were being.  I was scared that you noticed another threat and I didn’t think I could handle another altercation.”

I open my eyes as arms wrap around me.  “I’m sorry, Kiri.  I thought that being overly alert would help you feel safe.  Then I was so worried that you were just trying to put on a brave face that I overstepped my bounds.  I hope you can forgive me.”

I wrap my arms around him.  “Only if you promise not to tell me how I’m feeling anymore.”

His chest vibrates as he chuckles.  “Deal.”

Shopping for shoes is relatively stress-free.  I’m just picky about how comfortable they have to be, so it takes us a while.  By the time we’re done, I’m tired, but no longer anxious about being in the mall. 

“So, kid, ya wanna go back or do somethin’ else?”

I shrug.  “What else is there to do?”

David grins at me.  “We could go to a movie.”

That sounds like fun but…am I allowed to be out this much?  Won’t Sarah be worried…or mad?  “I don’t know,” I answer slowly.

“Why not?  There are a ton of good movies out right now.  We can go see whatever you want.”

“This may sound stupid, but don’t I have a curfew or anything?  I mean, wouldn’t Sarah want me to rest?”

“Watchin’ a movie isn’t going to get you hurt.  And I know for a fact that she doesn’t mind if we go.”

“Well…”

“Come on, Kiri.  Let’s go see what’s playing before you make up your mind,” Cathy suggests.  She wraps her arm through mine and urges me towards the theater.

We get there and Cathy tells me to pick out a movie.  I have to ask her what they’re about because I have no clue.

“Umm…well, what about ‘The 12th Prince’?  I think I liked the book, if it’s the one I’m thinking of.”

“Sounds good to me.”  I jump a mile high at the soft voice in my ear. 

“TRAVIS!  Don’t DO that!”  He might be hot, but he’s a jerk for sneaking up on my blind side. 

He chuckles and wraps his arms around me.  I look away.  He can’t just…kiss my cheek and make everything better…maybe.  It’s a good thing he’s cute or I’d have to hit him like David taught me.

“That isn’t funny,” I tell him.

“I’m sorry.  I’ll try to remember not to sneak up on you like that.”  He kisses my cheek again.

If I don’t forgive him, will he keep doing that?  Mmmm…maybe I shouldn’t forgive him just yet.  Then again, maybe he’ll stop and never kiss me again.  Better not risk it.

“Thank you,” I tell him and hug him back.  “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“It was Matthew’s idea.”

I look over at Matthew and see ShÇŽo zhÇ”, Sarah and Roland talking with him and David.  David is casually leaning on Roland’s shoulder.  If I didn’t know any better I’d think Roland was about to kill David because of the look on his face.

Sarah sees me watching them and comes over to me.  “How are you holding up, Kiri?”

“I’m fine.”  Especially when I’m wrapped up in Travis’s arms.  I could stay here forever and die happy.

Sarah raises an eyebrow.  “You’re sure?”

I nod.  Sarah shrugs and goes with Cathy to get the tickets.

Travis frowns at me.  “Did something happen?”

He had to ask, didn’t he?  I step out of his arms.  “Um…s-sort of…”  I’m not sure why I feel guilty.  I know that I didn’t do anything and nothing really happened, but…still… 

“David!  Get over here.”  Great, now Travis is mad.  I hug myself as I step back.  I didn’t mean to make him mad.

I hear David mutter “Uh-oh” before peeling himself off of Roland’s shoulder and coming over to where Travis and I are standing.

“What’s up, Trav?”

“What happened today?” Travis demands.

“Oh…well, we found Kiri some clothes and she ran into an old friend and then…um she got her hair done and she had a massage and…um…I took her for ice cream…”

“Quit deflecting.  What happened?”

“It’s not a big deal—”

“David.”

The warning note in Travis’s voice makes David come clean.  “It was only some stupid teenagers, Trav.  Matt and I stopped ‘em before anything happened.”

Matthew, Roland and ShÇŽo zhÇ” join the rest of us. 

“Matthew, tell me what happened today.”  Travis is giving Matthew a look that says he’d better tell him, and fast.  Cathy and Sarah come back from getting the tickets.  Their presence doesn’t deter Travis’s determination to get a straight answer. 

“David noticed that some teenagers were paying more attention to Kiri than was acceptable so he…he allowed her to sit alone for a few minutes.  When they made their move we stepped in.”

Upon hearing Matthew’s explanation, Cathy snorts.  “Beating the crap out of six kids is stepping in now?” 

ShÇŽo zhÇ” glares at Matthew and David.  “That is not proper behavior for Interceptor agents.”

“It is when they’re tryin’ to kidnap someone,” David supplies, crossing his arms.  “And if five people are tryin’ to jump me, I’m gonna defend myself.  And Matt only jumped in ‘cause he thought I wouldn’t finish with ‘em before their d-bag of a leader made off with Kiri.”

Travis looks at me and I look down.  He’s mad and it’s my fault.  A hand cups my cheek and I look up into Travis’s face.

“Are you alright?” he asks me softly.  His eyes are full of concern, not anger.

I nod.

“They didn’t hurt you, did they?”

I shake my head.

“They scared her pretty good, so I took her to the gym and taught her a few things,” David adds.  “Don’t worry, I didn’t let her hurt herself.  I just had her go through the motions slowly so that she’ll be able to fight back next time.”

Travis nods at David and turns back to me.  He wraps me in his arms and I can’t help but relax.  He gives me a peck on the forehead.  “You ready to watch a movie now?”

Who needs a movie?  I nod, knowing that the movie will be starting soon and I don’t want everyone to miss it because of me.

Our group goes into the theater and ShÇŽo zhÇ”, Sarah, Matthew and David go to the snack stand while Cathy, Roland, Travis and I find seats. 

“David didn’t push you too hard at the gym, did he?” Travis asks once we’re in our seats.

I shake my head.  “No.  He wouldn’t let me try some of it just so that I wouldn’t have the chance to hurt myself.  How’s your shoulder?”

“A bit stiff, but overall not too bad.”

“I…I never got the chance to thank you for protecting me.”  I’m glad the lights are a little low.  Maybe he won’t see my blush.

He runs the back of his hand down my cheek.  “Anytime.  You protected me, too, you know.  I never got to thank you for that.”

Can I melt into a puddle of pink goo now?

The others come back and pass out drinks and popcorn.  Cathy sits on Travis’s other side, then David and Roland.  Matthew sits next to me, then Sarah, with ShÇŽo zhÇ” taking the end.  Travis and I end up sharing a bucket of popcorn, David shares with Roland and Sarah is sharing with ShÇŽo zhÇ”.  Hm…I wonder if there’s something between those two.  Matthew and Cathy each have their own small popcorn.  Why does this not seem like a coincidence?  Oh well…it means I get to sit by Travis.  I’m totally grinning like a super nerd on the inside and hoping that he doesn’t notice the blush on my cheeks on the outside.

The trailers are interesting.  There are a couple of movies that look good coming out.  The movie starts and I reach for some popcorn.  I end up brushing Travis’s hand with my fingers as he reaches for some, too.  I’m glad it’s dark because my face is burning.  Why is this suddenly so awkward?  I try to focus on the movie, but my mind strays to Travis.  His close proximity isn’t helping. 

About halfway through the movie, Travis lifts the armrest between us.  He puts an arm over my shoulder and I lean into him.  Mmmmmm…I love the way he smells.  We cuddle together and munch on popcorn.  I steal a look over at David and he and Roland are making out.  I feel my cheeks burn and turn my head, catching a glance of ShÇŽo zhÇ” and Sarah kissing as well.  Well that answers that.  Travis doesn’t try anything which is a bit frustrating and a relief at the same time.  I mean, it’s not like I’ve got a lot of experience in the making out department and I’m not sure if it will trigger a flashback or something…but it might be nice.

The movie ends and just as I try to sit up, I move wrong.  I gasp and grab Travis’s arm as a reflex.

“Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah…I just…moved wrong.”  Oh…this hurts.  Stupid ribs making me forget about them and then deciding to hurt at an inopportune time!

“Just relax.  There’s no hurry, okay?”

I nod and carefully move in my seat until I’m more comfortable.  The theater is almost empty before I think I can try again.  This time I can get to my feet without my ribs screaming at me.  Travis offers me his arm and what kind of idiot would refuse that?  Have I mentioned how muscular his arms are?  My hormones are having a heyday right now and I’m kind of okay with it.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” he asks me quietly as we follow the others out.

“Yes, thank you.”

“Just promise me that you’ll tell Sarah if you’re not.”

“I promise.”

Travis joins David, Matthew and me in the limo to head back to the hospital.  ShÇŽo zhÇ”, Roland, Sarah and Cathy head off to whatever vehicle they’re taking home. 

Unfortunately, the entire ride back is a discussion about what happened this morning and how to improve security until the Interceptors release me.  Oh goody.  I guess this effectively ends any outings I might have had in the future.  Travis is kind of ticked about what happened which is endearing and annoying at the same time.  Nothing really happened and David and Matthew did keep me safe.  Restricting my movements might reduce the likelihood of something happening to me, but it will most definitely increase the likelihood of me getting cabin fever and going insane.

But with the looming hearing, I don’t think I’ll have too many opportunities to go out anyway.  Even though I think it’s a complete waste of their time, I can tell there’s no way to talk them out of it.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so glad to be at the hospital.  All the excitement today has me completely worn out and I just want to sleep.  Apparently Travis is on guard duty tonight.  I change in the bathroom and once I’m settled in bed he pulls a chair close and sits in it.

“Do you need any painkillers tonight?”

“No.  I’m fine.  I just need to remember not to move certain ways for a while longer,” I tell him with a grimace.

He smiles at me.  “If you’re sure—”

I nod.

He gives me a kiss on the lips.  Mmmmm…he tastes like popcorn.

“Sleep well, Kiri.”

Travis turns on the television and holds my hand as I drift off.  I could definitely get used to this.

49: Chapter 49

Chap. 49

“Kiri, you need to get up now.  We have to leave for the courthouse in an hour.”

Huh?  My sleep addled brain doesn’t register any of that.

“Did you hear me?  It’s time to get up.”

What fresh torture is this?  Go away!  It’s too early.  I pull the blanket over my head only to have it ripped off.

“Up.  Now.”

“What the heck is your problem, Roland?  I’m tired.  Let me sleep!”  I turn my back on him, the stubborn part of me insisting on getting my way.

He grabs my shoulder and forces me to turn over.

“OW!” I yell as the way he makes me turn hurts my ribs.  I sit up, but that doesn’t help, so I get off the bed.  That helps a little bit. 

“Well if you would have gotten up on your own we could have avoided this.”  He doesn’t seem the least bit sorry.

“You’re a jerk.  I don’t know what David sees in you!”  I push past him and go into the bathroom.  I turn on the shower and stand under the spray, letting the water cover the fact that I’m crying.  He didn’t have to do that.  My ribs really hurt now.  I take my time, letting the water run over me.  It doesn’t really help much.  And with my ribs hurting, it takes me a while to get clean.  I can’t move my arms as much as I’d like, so I just have to hope that my hair is actually clean.

I turn off the water and someone is banging on the door.

“Go to hell, Roland.”  I’m taking my time and it’s his fault.  Maybe if I didn’t hurt so much I could move faster.

“Kiri?  Are you okay?”

“That depends, Matthew.  Is Roland still out there?”

“Uh…no.  He said he had some things to attend to and asked if I would make sure you were ready to go when he comes to collect you to go to your parents’ hearing.”

Ugh…is that today?  I wrap the towel around myself and crack the door open.  “Would…would you ask Sarah to help me, please?”

He nods and moves away from the door.  I shut it and continue to dry myself.  My stomach hurts this morning.  Oh…that’s why.  I hate being a girl sometimes.  And if I ever get my hands on the stupid men that wrote that stupid song, I’m going to wring their necks.  ‘I enjoy being a girl’ says men who have NO IDEA what we go through every effing month.  Though, maybe I should just be grateful that I’m healthy enough to have a ‘time of the month.’  For a long time, I wasn’t.  Unfortunately, because my system has been off for so long, I haven’t settled into a predictable cycle, so it still catches me off guard.

What else can go wrong today?  Wait…I take it back…I really don’t want to tempt the fates.

There’s a soft knock on the door.  “Kiri?  It’s me, can I come in?”

“Y-yeah, Sarah.”

She comes in and quickly shuts the door behind her.  “What’s going on this morning?”

Everything…what else?

I sigh.  “My ribs hurt so I can’t dress myself, I started my period, I have to see my parents and deal with all that, I’m tired and crampy and bloated and emotional and I really just want everything to be done!”  I burst into tears.  Between what happened yesterday, stress and these stupid hormones, everything having to happen right this second is too much.

“Everything just seems to happen all at once sometimes, doesn’t it?” Sarah says softly as she wraps her arms around me.

I can’t seem to stop crying.  In my head I know it’s mostly because it’s “that time of the month,” but I can’t make myself stop!

“It’s alright.  Calm down.  Let’s deal with one thing at a time, okay?”

I nod and wipe tears away.  Not that it does any good.  More replace them.  Sarah helps me dress and does my hair for me. 

“I’ll bet you haven’t had breakfast yet, either, have you?”

I shake my head.

“I want you to relax for a few minutes.  I’m going to order you breakfast and I want you to eat it.  I’m also going to get you some painkillers that should take care of your ribs and everything else this morning, okay?”

I nod and wipe the last few tears from my eyes.  At least I’m not bawling anymore.

She smiles at me and I follow her out of the bathroom.

Roland’s already waiting.  Oh joy.

“We’re late.  Let’s go.”  He reaches out to grab my arm, but Sarah grabs his wrist instead. 

“Not until I say she can.”

Roland glares at Sarah.  “We’re already behind schedule because she refused to get up this morning.  We need to leave.”

Sarah glares back.  “No.  She needs to take an anti-inflammatory for her ribs and she can’t take it on an empty stomach.  You’ll just have to wait.”

Roland grunts in annoyance.  Well, it’s his own darn fault.  Maybe if he hadn’t been so rough this morning I could have gotten by with chugging a chocolate milk and downing a couple of Midol.  Sarah’s orders concerning me trump the Colonel’s anyway so Roland will just have to deal with it.

I sit on the edge of the bed while I wait for the food and medicine that Sarah orders for me.  I refuse to look at Roland, but I can feel his glare.  I get that he’s mad because we’re late.  But what he doesn’t get is that I don’t want to go.  At all.  Ever.  I’d rather just disown my parents and claim to be an orphan.  It would be easier.

There’s a knock on the door.

“Finally,” Roland mutters as he goes to open it.

“What’s taking so long?”  It isn’t my breakfast.  It’s ShÇŽo zhÇ”.  Goody.  Now there are two of them. 

“Sarah is insisting that the girl eat and take medication before we go.”  I have a name you jerk.

“Infuriating woman.  She knows we have orders.”

“It isn’t like the girl is being cooperative.  She refused to get up this morning and took her sweet time getting ready.”

“What a crock,” I mutter.

“Excuse me?”

I look up to see both Interceptor agents glaring at me.  This should intimidate me, but after the morning I’ve had I’m just plain pissed.  “I said, ‘What. A. Crock.’  You were the one that made my ribs hurt this morning.  It isn’t my fault that I couldn’t move very fast.”

“I told you to get up and you refused.  Had you done as you were told, I wouldn’t have had to do anything.”

“You could have explained to me why I needed to get up instead of just yelling at me and yanking me out of bed.”

Roland rolls his eyes.  “I did.  I told you we needed to go to the courthouse this morning.”

“Was I awake?”

Roland gives an exasperated grunt.  “You should have been by that point.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t.  I didn’t know anything about going to the hearing until Matthew told me.”

“ENOUGH.  Roland go down to the courthouse and tell Gage that I will bring the girl as soon as Sarah releases her.”  Roland grunts and leaves.

“That’s another thing,” I growl.  “I have a name.  Unless you want me to start referring to you as ‘boy’ you’d better not refer to me as ‘the girl’ again.”

ShÇŽo zhÇ” gives me a look I can’t read before saying, “I apologize.  The stress of this morning seems to be affecting everyone.”

“What do you have to be stressed about?  You do this every day.”  I don’t wait for an answer before I mutter, “You don’t have to confront the people that ruined your life.”

“For your information—”  A knock on the door interrupts him.  He gives a frustrated grunt (sounding remarkably similar to Roland…it’s a little bit creepy) and jerks the door open.  “What!?”

The poor orderly standing there with my food looks like he’s about to have his head ripped off by a rabid dinosaur.  “D-Dr. M-Miller—”

“Yes, yes,” ShÇŽo zhÇ” interrupts, taking the tray from him.  “Thank you, you’re excused.”  He practically slams the door in the poor orderly’s face.  He shoves the tray at me.  “Eat.  We need to get going.”

“Yes Sir,” I drawl sarcastically.  If he wants to act like a prick, I’ll treat him like one.

He glares at me.  “Your attitude this morning is not helpful.”

I refuse to apologize, so instead, I eat the oatmeal that Sarah ordered for me.  After a few bites, I pick up the small cup of pills and down them with my orange juice.  I wonder how long until these kick in. 

“Kiri.”

I look up.  Yes, Commander Tightwad?

“Before we leave I want you to understand something.  The reason everyone is so on edge this morning is because this case is not normal, even for us.  The magnitude of what we are dealing with is far beyond what we thought it was when we first found you.”

I swallow as my gut drops.  I don’t think I can eat anymore.

“Chase and Decart…are the two most vile creatures to call themselves human beings I’ve ever come across.  The acts of depravity that they committed are beyond anything we’ve seen before.  And part of the hearing today will be a review of the tapes we found.  None of us are looking forward to that.”

Can I throw up now?  “Am…Am I expected to watch as well?” I ask softly as I pray the answer is ‘no.’

ShÇŽo zhÇ” waits a minute before answering softly, “I’m not sure.  Colonel Gage didn’t specify, but you might have to.”

I’m not sure I can breathe.  I don’t want to see what’s on those tapes.

“Kiri?”  ShÇŽo zhÇ” kneels next to the bed and looks up at me.  “Please don’t shut down.  I’ll speak to Colonel Gage.  I will do my best to convince her that watching is not in your best interests.”

I nod.  This day is going to suck big time.  Even if I am excused from watching, everyone else will still see…everything.

ShÇŽo zhÇ” searches my face for a moment before standing up.  “If you’re finished, I think it would be wise to get going.  The sooner we get this over with, the better.”

I nod and follow him out the door.

“Kiri, wait a moment.”

ShÇŽo zhÇ” and I stop as Sarah approaches.  She hands me an orange pill bottle. 

“I want you to take one of these every two hours.”  She gives ShÇŽo zhÇ” a look.  “Make sure she is given a break every two hours in order to take them.  I also want her to walk around for a few minutes when she does to relieve the pressure on her ribs.  If Colonel Gage has a problem with it, call me and I’ll discuss it with her.”

“I shall pass on the message, Sarah,” ShÇŽo zhÇ” answers. 

“Thank you.  Kiri, may I speak to you for a moment?  It will only take a moment, ShÇŽo zhÇ”.”  Sarah pulls me off to the side to ask if I have enough ‘supplies’ for the day.  I nod.  Way to make me feel like I’m five and never dealt with this before.  Sarah gives me a small pill bottle.  “You can take two of these every four hours to deal with your PMS symptoms.  There were two in the pills that you took this morning.”

“Okay.  Thank you, Sarah.”  I slip the pill bottle into my purse with my ‘supplies.’ 

She puts a hand on my arm.  “Hey, everything will turn out okay.  Just relax.  The boys will take care of you.”

I nod and follow ShÇŽo zhÇ” out to the car.  The closer we get to the courthouse, the more I fill with dread.

50: Chapter 50

Chap. 50

ShÇŽo zhÇ” parks and turns off the car, but doesn’t move to get out of the car.  If you think I’m in any kind of hurry, you’re nuts. 

“Kiri…no matter what happens today…you don’t have to be afraid anymore.”

Huh?  I look at him and he looks back at me. 

“You are much stronger than you think you are.  You are not a puppet, you are not property.  You are a strong young woman, no matter what your…” he wrinkles his nose in disdain, “parents may say today.  Colonel Gage has protocols that she must follow, but believe me when I say that she would like nothing more than to put everyone responsible for your mistreatment in jail and to throw away the key.  However, things may not turn out that way.  Do you understand?”

I nod.  The way my luck is, they’ll all get off scot-free and I’ll spend the rest of my life running and hiding, assuming they don’t take me captive immediately after this is done.

ShÇŽo zhÇ” gently squeezes my shoulder.  “You are among friends.  We won’t let anything happen to you, okay?”

“Thank you, ShÇŽo zhÇ”,” I tell him softly.  It’s nice to know that he considers me a friend, but I’m afraid that it doesn’t make me any less nervous.  There are too many things that could go wrong today.

“Let’s get this over with.”

I nod and follow ShÇŽo zhÇ”’s lead getting out of the car.  We head into the courthouse and my bag is searched.  Hope they like what they find.  Nosy prats.  Yeah, I get why they have to look, but seriously, a woman’s purse is kind of private, especially during certain times.  Couldn’t they just run a metal detecting wand over it?  With today’s technology, I guess not.  It’s still embarrassing, though.

We make it through security and ShÇŽo zhÇ” slows his pace so he is walking next to me.  I’m so nervous that I can only look at the ground ahead of me.

“We’re here.”

I look up.  Beyond those doors is where everything that I put up with for the last five years will be laid on the table for everyone to see.  The people who sold me are there, as well as the people who saved me.  Allies and enemies within the confines of the same four walls.  Betcha didn’t know I was so poetic, didja?

“Remember what I told you.  We won’t let anything happen to you,” ShÇŽo zhÇ” reminds me softly.

I nod and he nods once in return before opening the door and leading me in.

There are a lot of people in here.  Are we in the right room?  I thought it would just be me, my ‘parents’ and some of the Interceptors.  But…who are these people?  I look up at ShÇŽo zhÇ”.

“It’s alright.  Just ignore them.”

Easy for him to say.  Where’s the fourteen-year-old that would have relished being in the spotlight?  I could really use her right now.

I stick close to ShÇŽo zhÇ” as we go to the front of the courtroom.  Travis, Matthew, David and Roland are sitting in the front row behind an empty desk.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” makes me sit at the desk alone and then he sits next to Roland.  There’s another desk across the aisle from me.  It’s empty right now.  After a few minutes, a door by the judge’s stand opens and Colonel Gage enters followed by a couple of agents who are leading in my father and Delia.  They’re dressed in orange jumpsuits and have chains around their wrists and ankles.

I flinch as they send glares my way.  I am so dead if they ever get their hands on me again.  A hand lands on my shoulder and I jump.

“Sorry,” Travis whispers in my ear.  “Just remember that they can’t do anything to you.  We won’t let them.”

“Th-thank you,” I whisper back.  I’m still terrified of them, but being reminded that the guys have my back helps.  I look over my shoulder and give Travis a weak smile.  He’s leaning over the small wall that separates the audience area from the judge’s area.  He nods to me and gives my shoulder a light squeeze before resuming his seat just behind me and to the right a bit.

I let my eyes sweep over the courtroom.  I’m not sure who all the people in the audience are.  I think some of them are reporters because there are several people busily taking notes.  But they can’t all be reporters, can they?  My ‘parents’ are sitting at the other desk, arguing quietly.  I can tell by the looks on their faces.  Delia notices me looking and if looks could kill, I’d be dead faster than I could blink.  I suppress a shudder and look away quickly.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” is talking to Colonel Gage.  She nods.  He comes over to me. 

“The Colonel has agreed to Sarah’s orders.  I will escort you out when the time comes.  No one will touch you, do you understand?”

I nod.

“Everything will be fine.  You should not be expected to speak, but that will depend on if the judge needs to know something.  Please relax.  We’re right behind you and we won’t let anything happen.”

I nod again.  I focus on trying to breathe normally.  Maybe it won’t be so bad.

ShÇŽo zhÇ” resumes his seat behind me and after a few minutes, Colonel Gage comes to sit next to me.

“How are you this morning?” she asks me.

“N-nervous.”

“Don’t be.  You’re not the one on trial.  Did Agent Li explain what would happen?”

Agent Li?  Does she mean ShÇŽo zhÇ”?  “J-just that I shouldn’t have to talk.  A-and that he’ll supervise me during Sarah’s assigned breaks today.”

Then Colonel nods.  “Yes.  When it is time for your medication, silently follow Agent Li.  He will escort you in and out.  You do not need to speak to anyone.  You do not need to answer any questions.  In fact, it is probably better if you don’t.”

I nod.  I don’t want to talk to anyone here anyway.

“As part of this trial, some of the tapes of your captivity will be shown.”

I feel the blood drain from my face.  “C-can I leave f-for that p-part?”

“It would be better if you stayed.”

My inner core freezes.  I don’t want to see the tapes.  I don’t want to be reminded of anything that I may have been fortunate enough to forget. 

“I will try to time the viewings to coincide with your breaks if I can, but I’m afraid that I cannot guarantee that.”

“Th-thank you,” I whisper.  At least she’s trying.  A door by the Judge’s bench opens and a man in uniform comes out.

“All rise.  This court is now in session.  The Honorable Judge Mariko Fujiwara presiding.”

“You may be seated.”

I sit and silently appraise the judge.  She looks to be around forty-five.  Her brown hair is peppered with gray and there are small wrinkles around her eyes and mouth.  Her brown eyes are kind, but stern at the same time.  She says something about the audience needing to remain quiet and how she will not hesitate to hold them in contempt and slap them with a fine, but I figure since I don’t plan on talking that won’t be a problem for me.

“This hearing is unusual for many reasons.  The first is that the main perpetrators of the crime being examined today are already deceased.  However, many of their associates have suggested that they would be willing to pick up where they left off.”

NO!  NO!  NO!  NO!  It’s supposed to be done now that they’re dead!  I flinch as a hand gently touches my arm.  I look at Colonel Gage, who is trying to give me a reassuring look, but I think I’m too stressed for it to be effective.

“Because of that, this hearing will not only sentence those in custody, but set the precedence for any other accomplices that are brought into custody in the future.  As much as we all wish this was the end of it, this is merely the beginning.”

There is a murmur in the audience behind me as the reporters and whoever else is back there softly voice their disbelief.  I jump as the judge bangs her gavel.  I wish she wouldn’t do that.

“Order.  Now…Daniel and Delia Fitzgibbons please rise.”

I watch as my father and Delia stand.  Delia’s look makes me stop watching. 

“You stand accused of aiding and abetting Donovan Chase and Adrian Decart in their crimes which include human trafficking, sexual assault, drug dealing, kidnapping, murder, larceny and arson.  How do you plead?”

My father hesitates but Delia declares, “Not Guilty.”

My father also claims, “Not guilty,” but not with as much conviction as Delia.

“Amanda Fitzgibbons.”  I flinch as the judge announces the name my father gave me.  “Please rise.”

I stand, trying really hard not to shake.  I thought I wasn’t supposed to do anything but sit here.

“I want you to take a good long look at your daughter.  According to the information that I have here, she was found in the lower levels of Chase’s holding facility severely emaciated and sporting injuries that suggested that she had been whipped and beaten with a blunt object.  From the statement she gave the Interceptors, she was kidnapped five years ago, yet you never filed a missing child report.  Why?”

“She ran away.  She didn’t want to be found.  It was all in the note,” Delia answered dismissively.  “We even asked her two best friends if they knew where she’d gone, but she hadn’t said anything to them.”

“Be that as it may, you went to great lengths to cover her disappearance, even informing school officials that you had decided to home school her and you even turned in completed testing materials to the school board for evaluation when it came time for her to graduate.  Care to elaborate?”

“Well…we didn’t want her to be held back when she finally came to her senses and came home.  It was just a little teenage rebellion.  All teenagers do it.  It really was our fault though.  We spoiled her too much as a child.”

I don’t want to be here.  I don’t want to hear this.  I want to leave. 

“You didn’t find it odd that she never returned?”

“Look, kids go missing every day.  Some turn up but most don’t.  We weren’t going to hold our breath.  She’s been threatening to run away and never talk to us again since she turned five and we told her she couldn’t have a pony.”  Delia shrugs.  “I guess I just figured that she was finally keeping her word.”

 “Unbelievable,” Colonel Gage mutters next to me.  My thoughts exactly. 

“According to a press release almost two months ago you said that your daughter was renting the house from Decart and the Interceptors took her and coerced her into saying she’d been kidnapped by Decart.”

“Well…um…that was a mistake, obviously,” Delia snaps.  I wonder if the judge is trying to make her angry on purpose.

“We have a conversation recorded where you offered your daughter’s body to Matthew Parker and you told her that if he could get her pregnant, you’d forgive her.  Any comments about that?”

“Private conversations in the comfort of your own home should be private,” Deliah snaps.

Anyone else notice that my father hasn’t said anything?  I glance at him and he looks extremely guilty.  Does he actually feel bad for selling me?

“Mr. Fitzgibbons?  Do you have anything to say?” the judge asks.

My father doesn’t answer right away.  “I’m sorry,” he says quietly.  Then he looks at me.  “I’m sorry for what we did to you.  You didn’t deserve that.”  He looks at the judge.  “Your honor, we’re guilty.” 

Delia slaps his arm.  “What are you doing?” she hisses.  “They got nothin’ on us.”

My father looks at Delia.  His face is turned away from me so I can’t see his expression, but he says, “They wouldn’t if Chase had finished the job.  But they have the girl and the tapes.  And…and I can’t live with the guilt anymore.”  He turns back to the judge.  “Just over five years ago we were in a bad spot financially.  I’d just lost my job, we had a bunch of bills that were overdue and we were approached by Donovan Chase.  He said he knew that we were having trouble and that he could fix it for us.  All we had to do in return was…was loan him our daughter as collateral.  That was how he worded it.  He said we’d get her back when he was done with her and when we repaid the debt.  At…at first we thought it was a horrible idea and turned him down.  Then…then things got worse.  The collectors started coming around and I borrowed money from some shady people just to get the collectors off my back.  But then…then the sharks started asking for their money and I couldn’t pay it.  The interest was too high.  We were drowning in debt and finally there was no other option but to go to Chase and take him up on his offer. 

“When I agreed to let him have Amanda, I told him that under no circumstances was she to be sold into a brothel or anything of the sort.  He agreed that she would only be exposed to that if she went into it willingly once she turned 18.  He told me that he wanted her to keep house and cook for him.  He did tell me that if I couldn’t repay the debt by the time she was 19 he would use her to repay the debt.  At the time I didn’t think it was possible that I couldn’t repay him, so I agreed.  Two years later, Delia and I were still in debt and, in an effort to erase the stress of reality, we’d gotten hooked on heroin.  Chase came to me with a new offer.  He would forgive the debt, pay a sum of $100,000 and provide Delia and me with hits for life.  I…I shouldn’t have agreed and somewhere I knew that but…but I was too strung out and needing another hit to decline.”

I know the judge didn’t tell me to, but I need to sit down.  My legs feel like jelly, so I sit before I can fall over.  I think about everything I went through.  All that for a measly 100 grand????

“Was that really all your daughter was worth to you?” the judge asks.

“She ain’t our daughter,” Delia responds snidely.  “He knocked up a slut and we got landed with the whelp.  She’s been nothin’ but trouble and since she’s just a brat nobody wants I don’t see what the big deal is.  It isn’t like anyone missed her.”

“Delia!  Shut up!” my father orders.  “You’re making it worse.”

“What?  You think pretending to be sorry will help us now?  All you had to do was deny everything and they wouldn’t have had any proof.  But instead you go and blab to everyone.”

“ENOUGH.  Bailiff, separate them.”

I sit there in shock, too numb to feel anything.  I don’t even cry, which is kind of a first for me. 

The judge continues.  “I was going to have you both removed from the court room, but I think you need to see some of what you put this girl through.  In the final raid on Adrian Decart’s mansion, a hidden room was found where surveillance of Donovan Chase’s chateau was recorded.  The Interceptors have provided some of the footage for us to review.  What we see in these tapes will determine the severity of your sentence.”

The Bailiff pulls over a large flat screen on a cart and turns on the tape.  It’s the day he brought me to his prison.  The Interceptors spliced the video to show what happened to me and the picture jumps from camera to camera.  I watch as I am pulled from the limo and hauled into the house.  We all watch as he threatens me and pulls me down to the basement and throws me into the cement room.  The tape continues and I am reminded of things I’d forgotten.  How I’d screamed my head off, telling him to let me out, calling him every name I could think of, and then how I’d broken down in tears when I couldn’t scream anymore.  I watch as I struggle with the boxes in the attic and then how he beat me when I didn’t finish fast enough.  I’m surprised I survived it, to be honest.  According to the time stamp at the bottom of the video, I was unconscious for two days and he only brought me food once I’d woken up.  I want to leave, but I’m rooted to my chair, fixated with the macabre dance that was my five years in captivity.

I’d forgotten how sick I got the first time I cleaned up the bloodied sheets from a room used by his clients and how he’d beaten me for it.  I’d forgotten the number of inappropriate touches and how he used to pop up out of nowhere and shove his tongue down my throat.  Then there were the threats detailing how he would kill my family and go after my friends if I ever tried to run away or defy him.  The forgotten verbal abuse alone makes me want to curl up in the fetal position in a corner.  Watching him try to force me to “learn” with Carter makes me want to puke, but I can’t tear my eyes away.  His fury is hypnotic as he whips me until my blood drips down my back and into the carpet.  Even when he and Carter finally force me, I can’t look away.  Then…then the last few days that I was there are finally shown.  I watch him beat me within an inch of my life with that baseball bat.  There are several gasps from the audience when my knee is knocked out of joint.  When he finally puts the bat down, I watch as he molests my unconscious body.  He could have taken me then and I wouldn’t have been able to fight back.  I’m glad that he didn’t, but at the same time, I wonder why.  It would have been so easy.

The tape continues with me waking up and him dragging me through the basement and throwing me into a corner.  The camera angle is just right to catch the dead look in my eyes.  I watch as I struggle against him, trying to get him off of me and I hear his gloating threats.  He gets up on his knees and starts to undo his pants and I see my mouth open and I am screaming as the house alarm goes off.

“David, if you hadn’t tripped in the garden…” Matthew whispers behind me.

“I know,” David whispers back.

I hear them but I’m still hypnotized by the tape.  I watch as I lie there.  I don’t remember lying there that long before trying to get my pants back up.  Eventually the me on the screen moves and it’s easy to tell that every movement is painful.  According to the time stamp it took me nearly twelve minutes to get my pants on and curl up in the corner.  I watch as David finds me and he and Matthew decide that I’m not actually dead, even though David thought I was at first.  My eyes were so full of distrust and fear that I don’t really recognize myself.  But I guess I didn’t know what was going to happen or if I could trust anyone.  For all I knew, they were there to finish the job.  The tape finishes and there is absolute silence in the court room.

“Do you have anything to say for yourselves?” Judge Fujiwara quietly asks the people who sold me.

My father shakes his head but Delia speaks up.  “Look at her, she’s fine.  I don’t get what the big deal is.”

The judge shakes her head.  “Bailiff, remove the accused.  Sentencing will take place once the tapes have been reviewed and an acceptable punishment can be agreed upon.  If you wish for any kind of leniency I suggest you think long and hard about who else was helping Chase and Decart and whether or not you’re willing to turn them in.”

The Bailiff leads them out and the judge calls a brief recess.

“Come, Kiri, you should take this opportunity to walk around like Sarah recommended.”

I nod and numbly follow ShÇŽo zhÇ” out a back door.  “I think I might need to throw up,” I admit softly.

“There’s a bathroom just there.  I’ll be waiting right here.”

I nod and go into the bathroom.  I lean over the sink for a minute, focusing on not throwing up.  Have I mentioned that I hate throwing up?  When I think I’ll be okay, I splash a bit of water on my face.  Since I’m in here, I might as well use the facilities.  I wash my hands and take a deep breath before going back out.

“Um…ShÇŽo zhÇ”?  How long until I’m supposed to take another pill?”  I’ve lost all track of time, but I’m betting that ShÇŽo zhÇ” hasn’t.

“If you think you can keep it down, you’d be fine to take another dose before we go back in.  In fact, it might be preferable just in case we are unable to leave again for a while.”

I nod and pull the pain meds out of my purse.  There’s a drinking fountain nearby so I use that to down the pill. 

ShÇŽo zhÇ” gives me a minute before asking, “Are you ready to go back in?”

If I said ‘no’ would it matter?  I nod.  Might as well get on with it.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” opens the door for me and I go inside.  They’ve got another tape going and on the tape…no…No…NO!!!!!  I can’t watch this!  I push past ShÇŽo zhÇ” and bolt out the door.  I don’t know where I’m going and I don’t care.  I can’t watch that…they can’t make me!

I turn a corner and come to a dead end.  Who designed this place?  I turn to find another route but my way is blocked by ShÇŽo zhÇ”, David, and Travis.  Tears fall freely down my cheeks as I back into the corner and slide to the floor.  No…they can’t make me go back in there!  I…I can’t…

“What happened?”

I flinch at Travis’s soft question.  I hadn’t noticed him kneel down next to me.  I shake my head. 

“Please…please don’t make me watch anymore,” I beg.

“Tell me what you saw,” Travis presses gently.

“T-Tanya…a g-girl I grew up with…th-that was h-her,” I tell him miserably and bury my face into my arms.  I want the image of him starting to slice her flesh away from her body as she screamed to be bleached from my mind, but I don’t think it will ever go away.

“The one your friend at the mall said ran away?” David asks.

I didn’t know he’d listened to that conversation.  Who cares, though?  I nod against my arms.

David swears softly. 

“Kiri, I want you to take this.”  I look up and Matthew hands me a pill and a bottle of water.  Roland is quietly speaking to David.  “Sarah was afraid you’d get too worked up today so she asked me to give you this if you needed it.  It’s a mild sedative that should help you calm down enough to get through the rest of this hearing.”

I eye the pill.  Do I want to get through this hearing?  “What if I refuse?”

“Then you’ll have to sit through it without the pill.  Gage has insisted that you be there and there’s nothing we can do about it.  I’d rather that you took the pill.  I think it will help in the long run.”

I don’t want to take the pill and I don’t want to go back in.  I’d like to tell Colonel Gage to shove her tapes where the sun don’t shine, but I know they’d never let me do that.  I really have no choice here.

I sigh and take the pill.

After a few minutes Travis says, “We should go back in now.”

Whatever.  I nod and Travis rises, pulling me to my feet.  Roland, David, ShÇŽo zhÇ” and Matthew walk ahead of Travis and me.  We turn a corner and suddenly the guys are getting in position in front of me, blocking the hallway.  Apparently some of the reporters decided to follow me and see what was up.  They’re yelling questions over one another and the flash of cameras is blinding. 

I back up a couple of steps as the room starts to spin.  Everything is out of focus…I can’t breathe…

My last conscious thought is that I hope someone catches me.

51: Chapter 51

Chap. 51

Ow…my ribs hurt this morning.  I’m on my side so I start to roll onto my back, but that hurts a LOT.  I whimper as I try to adjust my position on my side and clutch at the pillowcase instead.

“Shhh…you’re safe…it’s okay.”  A hand gently strokes my hair. 

What the—?  Why is my pillow breathing?  I force my eyes to open.  Hello.  I stare at Travis for a full minute before it registers that I’m pressed up against him and using his chest as a pillow.  I force my hand to let go of his shirt.

“Wha’ happened?” I manage.  My body needs to catch up with my brain.

“You passed out.  The sedative that Matthew gave you was stronger than he said it was.  It was his way of getting you away from the courthouse, though I wish he had let the rest of us in on it.  We almost didn’t catch you.”

Ugh…I’m going to kill Matthew…as soon as I can move…or maybe I’ll wait until Travis stops being comfy. 

“How long’ve I been out?” I slur.

“About five hours.”

Well that’s why my ribs hurt.  I’m overdue for painkillers.  I super hate Matthew right now…but mostly because I have to pee and I don’t want to move and somehow that has to be his fault.  Screw it.  I force myself to sit up. 

“Where are we?”  I don’t know how I didn’t notice it before.  The beds at the hospital are not this soft.

“We’re at one of Matthew’s apartments.  We’ve used it as a safe house since the war.  You’re safe here.”

Something about that admission seems off to me, but I’ll worry about that later.

“Where’s the bathroom?”

Travis gets up and helps me off the bed.  “It’s through that door.”

I go into the bathroom.  Crap…I need my purse, like…bad.  Have I mentioned I hate being a girl some days?  This is one of them.  I had to ask what else could go wrong today, didn’t I?  Come on, Universe, I totally took it back!

“T-Travis, is my purse out there?”

“Yes.”

I inch the door open.  “Um…I need it.”

He hands it to me.  He has a sister so I’m sure that the fact that I’ve asked for it tells him everything.  How much more of an open book could I be?

By the time I’m done in the bathroom I feel like I need to lie down again.  My head is swimming.  I crawl back onto the bed and curl up.

“Here.”

I give the pills in Travis’s hand a distrustful look.

“They’re the pills Sarah prescribed.  This one is the painkiller and these two are your other prescription.”  Yup…no secrets.

“They’re not going to make me faint again?”  I know I should be able to trust Travis, but I’m just a little wary of any kind of pills right now.

“They shouldn’t.  And if I’m right, you could really use the painkillers right now.  You’re overdue so your ribs must be bothering you.”

I sigh and force my protesting body into a sitting position so I can take the pills.  Travis leans in and gives me a kiss as he puts the pills in my hand.

“Are you hungry?” he asks.

“A little.”  My stomach hurts and I’m not sure if it’s cramps or hunger pains.

“Alright.  You take those while I get you something to eat.”  Travis hands me a glass of water and then turns to leave.  “Oh, before I forget, Sarah dropped off your things.  I hung up your clothes and left everything else in the bags on the floor in the closet.” 

I take the pills and sip at the water as I look around the room.  It’s kind of posh…well, maybe it’s just because I’m not used to anything like this.  The bed is a queen size and the blankets on it are soft and warm.  The pillows are luxuriously soft.  The dresser and nightstand match the mahogany bedframe.  The room is decorated in shades of teal.  What did Travis say this place was?  A safe house?  What is that?

There’s a soft knock on the door before it inches open.  “Can I come in?” Travis asks.

“Of course.”

Travis comes in with a tray.  He gives me the tray and sits on the side of the bed.  “Is this alright?”

There’s a grilled cheese sandwich and a mug of tomato soup.  I nod.  “This is perfect.”

He grins at me.  “Eat.  That painkiller will only make you sick if you don’t.”

He doesn’t talk as I eat, which leaves me time to think about what Travis said earlier.  I put down the sandwich.  “Travis…earlier you said something about the war and…a safe house?  What is a safe house?”

I could swear a look of panic crosses Travis’s face.  He clears his throat.  “A safe house is a residence that has been searched for and protected against outside surveillance and threats.  We’ve equipped it with a state-of-the-art security system and even the phone lines have been scrambled so they can’t be traced.”

“So what does this have to do with the war?”  I don’t know why, but that little detail is niggling at the back of my mind. 

Travis gets up and leans against the wall.  He stares at me for a minute.  I can tell his mind is going a mile a minute trying to decide what to tell me.

He looks at the closed door.  “If I tell you…you have to swear that this goes nowhere.”

Ummm…not that I’m going to tell anyone, but if I have to be sworn to secrecy, do I really want to know?

“You were probably a bit young, but do you remember anything about the war?”

“Not a lot…mostly that everyone was freaked out about when an attack might happen.”

“David told me that you had a conversation about the war.  Did he tell you his part in it?”

I shake my head.  “Just…just that he was living on the streets at the time.”

Travis takes a deep breath.  “During the war, there was a push to create super-soldiers in an effort to end the war.  At first, they asked for volunteers, preferably those with previous battle experience.  Unfortunately, they didn’t fare very well.  Some of the methods used were so intense that many of the men experienced heart failure, even though they were barely thirty.”  Travis starts pacing.  “They tried other things: experimental injections, pills and training regimens.  Very few garnered positive results until one scientist had the idea to try younger test subjects.”

He stops pacing and looks at me.  “At first, they asked for volunteers, promising to pay the families of those volunteers handsomely.  I chose to volunteer because my parents had died and I wanted to support my sister.”  He pauses for a minute, deciding what to say next.  “I…I want you to understand that not all of the volunteers survived.  In fact, Matthew and I were the only two to survive that first round of testing.”  He begins pacing again.  “Because of that, the scientists decided it would be better to pick only those without families that would need to be paid off should the experiments fail.”

I look down.  “So…Roland and David and ShÇŽo zhÇ”…were they…?”

“Yes,” he tells me softly.  “They were picked off the streets.  I think Roland was found in an orphanage and ShÇŽo zhÇ” was picked up at a refugee center.  But David…he…he wasn’t in very good condition when they brought him in.”

I look up and see that Travis is looking out the small window.  “He was starving and had been…abused.  From what I overheard, they’d found him unconscious in a dumpster.  I guess they figured he couldn’t go anywhere but up and if he died…well…he was headed there anyway so no harm done.”

I feel sick.  How could someone treat David that way?  He’s so nice and funny…you’d never guess he’d been through that.  I know he told me before that he’d been abused while he was on the streets but I never thought it was so bad that he almost died.

Travis starts talking again.  “The scientists had found others but the five of us took the most readily to the training so we were moved to a specialized facility for advanced training.  I don’t know what happened to everyone else.  David…well…he fought against a lot of the training because he didn’t think that they had any right to force him to learn it.  Roland seemed made for following orders and eventually David’s competitive side won out and everything Roland did, David had to do better.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” basically kept to himself.  It took us a few months before he’d actually stay in the same room with the rest of us when it wasn’t required by our training. 

“Matt and I had become friends during the first round of training we endured together and there was one point where we wondered why the scientists were bothering with the rest of them.  To us…they were a waste of time.  With my circus background, I was physically ahead of the others and capable of scaling walls without a harness.  Guard dogs weren’t a problem for me.  I’ve always been good with animals.  I could move silently and my aim was impeccable.  I was cocky enough to think that no one could outshoot me. 

“Matt…maybe I should give you some background on Matt.  Matthew is kind of a special case in our group.  He was actually scouted out by the scientists because of his Empathic abilities.  They thought he could be used as kind of a wireless transmitter for sending out orders and receiving reports.  I don’t know why his father agreed, but he did.  I think there were some contingencies put in place because Matthew didn’t get quite the same treatment as the rest of us.  He wasn’t put through as much vigorous physical training but he had other testing done.  I think the scientists found a way to enhance his abilities, but not quite to the caliber they wanted.  I remember hearing them complain that it wasn’t working and there was a while when Matt had headaches all the time.  I don’t know exactly what they did, but they almost killed him once.  One of the scientists had to convince the others to back off before they had to start completely over.  But other than his empathy stuff, he’s a brilliant tactician.  It’s like he can see four steps ahead of everyone else.  If you ever get the chance to see him play chess, you’ll understand what I mean.

“Anyway…between the two of us, we thought we made a good enough team that the continued testing and training of others was a waste of time and money.  We weren’t exactly very welcoming to the other three at first.  I think Matthew took to David first, but it took us much longer to accept the other two.”

He stops talking.  After a minute I ask, “So…what are the other three skilled at?”

“Well…ShÇŽo zhÇ” is highly skilled at hand to hand combat.  I think he said that he started training in martial arts when he was two.  He’s also been trained as a medic, which has been invaluable.  He also reads everything and is quite knowledgeable about most subjects.  So if there’s something you need to know, he can probably tell you.

“Roland’s strength is hacking.  He can get into any computer program faster than anyone I’ve ever seen.  No matter how good you think your system is, Roland can hack into it and change it before you know what hit you.  He’s also the best pilot among us.  We’ve all been trained to fly helicopters and airplanes but for Roland it’s practically second nature. 

“David’s skill lies in survival and he’s saved our butts on more than one occasion.  He can pick any lock and he’s also our stealth expert.  He’s highly skilled with explosives and he’s an expert mechanic.  Don’t let him fool you, he’s a lot smarter than he lets people think he is.  He’s not quite as smart as ShÇŽo zhÇ”, but David can give him a run for his money.” 

“So…when did you all start to learn this?  You don’t seem to be that much older than me.”

“Well…Roland was sixteen, ShÇŽo zhÇ” and Matthew were fifteen, I was fourteen and David…David was twelve.”

“So you learned how to…how to kill people when you were only fourteen?”

Travis nods.  “Yes.” 

Travis actually looks uncomfortable as I stare at him.  This is so unbelievable that if it came from David I’d swear he was pulling my leg.  But Travis doesn’t seem the type that would find lying to me about this humorous.  And they were all so young!  Granted, I was kidnapped and exposed to some pretty horrible things at those ages too but at least I never had to kill anyone.

“Y-you’re serious?” I ask softly.

He nods.  “You can’t tell anyone.”

“Will…will the others be mad that you told me?”

“Roland and ShÇŽo zhÇ” might be annoyed, but I think David and Matthew won’t mind so much.  They might be concerned that the information will color your opinion of them, though.”

“What about you?  How do you feel about it?”

“Honestly?  I was afraid that you wouldn’t take it this well.  I thought you’d be afraid of me and the fact that you’re not makes me wonder if you really understand what it is that we are.”

I suppress the urge to shudder.  The way he said that makes him sound really dangerous. 

“Wh-what are you?” I whisper.

“Terrorists.”  Travis watches me for a minute before continuing.  “We were trained to be killers.  We followed orders.  Yes, the war ended because of some of the things we did, but…but things could have been handled differently.  We didn’t know any better because we were just kids.  Now that we’re adults we can see just how manipulated we were.  But because of our training, we’ll never be able to live normal lives.  We work for the Interceptors so the government can keep tabs on us.  I guess, technically Matthew could just work for the Parker Corporation because his life is public enough that he can’t just disappear but I think he finds sitting at a desk all day boring.”

I think this over.  Does it really change my opinion of them?  I knew they worked for the Interceptors and the Interceptors are trained to do a lot of fighting and special stuff.  Just because they learned it somewhere else it doesn’t make them bad, does it?

“Eat before it gets cold.”  I watch as Travis heads for the door.  His eyes are hard.  He’s upset with me.

“T-Travis?”

He pauses with his hand on the doorknob.

“I’m glad you told me.  I won’t tell anyone.”

He nods and leaves me alone with my lunch…dinner…whatever, it’s food.  I eat most of the sandwich and sip at the soup, but in the end I don’t eat all of it.  Am I really okay with being surrounded by terrorists?  I mean, I was at the hands of a madman for five years.  This is actually a step up.  And now that I think about it, I’ve felt safe around them.  I mean, at first I didn’t but that was before they helped me and I knew they weren’t working for him.  They never hurt me and they’ve done everything they could to keep me safe even if they didn’t always quite manage it.  And they always came after me.

I hope Travis doesn’t regret telling me.  I really am glad that he did.

I’m feeling better now that I’ve had something to eat and the painkillers are kicking in.  I get up and decide to take the tray to the kitchen…assuming I can find it.  I head out the door and hear raised voices.  Maybe I can just drop this off in the kitchen and high-tail it back before anyone notices.

I slip along the hallway and, just my luck, the raised voices are coming from the kitchen.  I am about to turn around when I hear glass breaking.

“Roland!  Matthew’s gonna be pissed.  You should have let me take it.”

“David, your hands are fuller than mine were.”

“I don’t understand why you both feel this insatiable need to one-up the other.”  ShÇŽo zhÇ” sounds bored.

“And you won’t because you’ve already said you don’t want...how did you word it?  The sordid details of our love life?”

“David…forget I said anything.”  I can practically hear ShÇŽo zhÇ” rolling his eyes.

If they’re not mad, maybe I can take the tray in after all.  I take a deep breath and head into the kitchen.

“Hey, Kiri!  Feeling better?” David asks as soon as he sees me.  Roland and ShÇŽo zhÇ” are washing dishes.  This should seem weird, but for some reason it just comes across as normal, which is weird.

“Yeah.  Um…is Colonel Gage mad?” 

“Naw.  Even if she was, Sarah said it was better for us to get you out of there and Gage won’t argue with the doctor.”

I nod.  “Thanks…for not making me go back in.”

He gives me a small grin.  “You’ll have to thank Matthew for that.  The little sneak knew if it looked like you passed out from stress Gage’d rethink makin’ you watch.”

“Well, I am a bit annoyed that he was deceptive about it, but I guess I can’t be too mad at him.”

“That’s the spirit.  Did you get enough to eat?”

I nod.  “Yeah.  I’m kind of tired still so I’m going to go lie down for a bit.”

“Okay.  We’ll be out here if you need us.”

I nod again and head back to the room.

“Hey Kiri?”

I stop and turn around.  “Yes, David?”

“Travis told us that he told you…um…what we are.  If you’re not comfortable with it, we can get another team assigned to you to finish out this investigation.”

“I don’t want another team.  I trust you guys.”

David gives me a bear hug.  “I knew I liked you.”  He lets me go and I have to catch my balance.  “Whoops…sorry.  Get some rest, ‘kay?”

I give him a half grin.  “Okay.  Just don’t burn down the joint.”

He grins back at me and heads back to the kitchen.  I find my way back to the room I came from and curl up on the bed, trying to get comfortable.  I wish Travis was here to snuggle with.  I hope he isn’t having second thoughts about telling me about them.  I kind of feel better knowing the truth.  I wonder if they hate keeping it a secret or if they just want people to forget about them.

This bed really is comfortable…I think I may need one of these.  I get warm and can’t keep my eyes open any longer.

52: Chapter 52

Chap. 52

Amanda, help me!  HELP!  AAAAAAAH! 

NO!  STOP IT!  YOU’RE HURTING HER!  DON’T!  TANYA!!!!!!!! 

“Kiri, wake up!  It’s not real!  Wake up!”

I wake up screaming.  Arms wrap around me, holding me against the sobs that burst out of me.  Tanya…she’s gone and I didn’t help her.

“It’s okay…it’s okay,” a soft voice murmurs into my hair.  “I’ve got you, you’re safe.”

Tanya’s screams echo in my ears as I wrap my arms around Matthew and clench his shirt.  This is real…not the nightmare.  But the nightmare is real, too, in its own way.  Tanya really is gone.  He killed her and I didn’t even know.

“I couldn’t save her,” I whisper after I calm down a little.

“I know.  You can’t always save the people you love.  Sometimes all you can do is keep living and try to remember the good times.”

He sounds like he knows this from experience.  I don’t want to ask and bring up painful memories for him, so I just keep holding him tight and remind myself that I’m alive and safe.

“It’s late…you should sleep.”

“No…I can’t right now.”  The thought of what I saw in my nightmare makes me tremble again.

“Okay,” Matthew agrees softly.  “There’s a television in the living room.  Would you like to watch a movie or something?”

“That would be better than trying to sleep.”

Matthew lets me go and I release my one hold on reality so I can get off the bed.  “I’ll be out in a minute,” I tell him before heading into the bathroom.  I get myself together and splash some water on my face.  I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep again.  Once I’m under control I head out to the living room.  The clock on the nightstand reads 2:47 am.  I wonder who else I woke up.

Matthew is in the living room looking for something for me to watch.  I sit on the couch and pull my feet up under me.  I should have brought a blanket.

Matthew is still channel surfing when there’s the sound of a key in the front door and it opens.

“You’re late,” Matthew comments.  “Everything going okay?”

Travis nods and hangs up his coat.  “It’s fine, Matthew.  Colonel Gage just wants to make sure there are no loopholes in this case so we’re going over everything multiple times.  She’s going to push for the harshest sentence she can get.”

Travis sits next to me.  “Why aren’t you asleep?”

I look down.  He’s still mad at me.  “I…I couldn’t sleep anymore.”

“I told her she could watch television to ward off the nightmares,” Matthew adds.

“Matthew, why don’t you go to bed?  I’m not ready to sleep yet so I’ll sit up with her for a bit.”

“Fine.  Goodnight.”  Matthew gives Travis the remote and heads off down the hall.

Travis puts an arm around my shoulders and pulls me close to him.  Maybe he’s not mad at me.  Now I can get warm.  “What would you like to watch?”

“I don’t care.”

Travis flips through channels for a few minutes before picking out a movie.  “Are you okay?”

I nod.  “Just…can’t sleep without seeing Tanya.”  Tears spring into my eyes at the mention of my lost friend. 

Travis kisses the top of my head.  “I’m sorry.  They go away eventually.”

I look up at him and he leans down and kisses me on the lips.  I let him deepen it and get my first real French kiss.  Anything with him doesn’t count because I didn’t want it.  But with Travis, it’s different.  I don’t feel like an object.  I feel like I matter. 

Stupid oxygen.  If we weren’t so darned dependent on it we wouldn’t have to stop kissing…ever! 

“I won’t ask you to sleep, but at least try to relax,” Travis tells me softly.

I nod and cuddle up next to him.  Even as warm as he is, I’m still a little cold.  I shiver.

“I’ll be back in a minute.”  Travis gets up and when he comes back, he has a blanket with him, which he puts over the both of us.

I lean against him as the show plays.  He falls asleep.  I’m sure of it this time because he’s snoring a bit.  I think it’s because he’s kind of sitting up.  He must be really tired if he’s been at work since he disappeared after our discussion earlier.  I feel bad that he’s had to work so hard because of me.

He twitches in his sleep.  I try not to move because I don’t want to wake him up.  He shifts a bit, his subconscious trying to get more comfortable on the couch.  He shifts more and I decide I have to move or I’ll end up on the floor.  Unfortunately, he has his arm around me, so I get pulled down next to him.  I’m practically hanging off the couch.  I grab at him to keep from falling.

“Um…Travis?  Are you awake?”

“Hm?  Kiri?  What’s wrong?”

“Sorry to wake you, but um…you’re about to dump me on the floor.”

He gives me a funny look before it clicks and he quickly rolls onto his back pulling me up on top of him.

I…uh…I’m not sure this is better.  It’s definitely more awkward for me.  I can feel my cheeks start to burn, but Travis doesn’t seem to notice.

“Sorry, Kiri.  Go back to sleep.”  He closes his eyes and now I’m not sure what to do.  Do I keep lying on top of him or do I try to shift so I’m next to him instead?  He rolls slightly and I end up basically between him and the couch.  It’s a little better, I guess. The couch isn’t very wide so I’m still half on top of him.  If there weren’t nightmares waiting for me, I might try to go back to the bedroom.  I shift a little to get a bit more comfortable.  I’m kind of worried that my ribs are going to hurt later, but for now it’s okay.  I put my head on his chest so I can watch the television.  There’s a new movie on so I watch it.  It isn’t like I can reach the remote to change it anyway.  The combination of being warm and slightly bored by this movie makes me tired.  The gentle motion of Travis breathing lulls me further.  I feel my eyes start to drift shut.

53: Chapter 53

Chap. 53

“Awww…aren’t they cute?”

I’m drawn out of sleep by the soft noise of dishes clinking.  Something smells good.

“David, if you wake either one of them, so help me I’ll—”

“Chill out, Matt.  What’s got you so anal this morning?”

“I’m not anal.  Kiri was screaming bloody murder at two o’clock this morning.  It took me forever to get her awake so she’d stop screaming and then she was so upset by her nightmares that she couldn’t sleep again.  Quite frankly, I’m surprised Travis managed it.  On top of that, Travis has been working late and it isn’t healthy for him to go this long without sleep.  So be quiet.”

“Alright…so d’you want Ro and I to take tonight’s shift or what?”

“Why don’t we wait and see if anything happens today.”

What’s supposed to happen today?  I wake up a little more but I’m so comfortable I don’t want to move.  I let my eyes open and I can see David standing in front of the television, flipping through channels.  I look around the room.  The only light is coming from the television and streaming in from the kitchen.  The curtains are drawn so no sunlight can come through. 

I’m right where I was last night, between Travis and the couch.  I wonder if he’s really asleep or if he’s just faking it again.  There’s a blanket pulled up to my shoulders and I’m really warm.  Almost uncomfortably so.  That might be a problem.

I shift just a bit, trying not to wake up Travis.  If he really is asleep and he’s as tired as Matthew said, I’d hate to be the one to keep him from resting.

David happens to turn and sees that I’m awake.

“Hey, need some help getting up?” he asks me softly.

That might be a good idea.  I nod.  David slips an arm under my neck and one under my leg and neatly lifts me straight up without disturbing Travis.  He carefully sets me on my feet and then sets to putting the blanket back over Travis.

“Matthew’s got breakfast made in the kitchen if you’re hungry, but there’s no hurry.”

“Thanks, David.”  I head back to my assigned bedroom and decide to shower and change before getting breakfast.  I glance at the clock.  9:36 am.  Not too late, but not too early either.

I feel much more ready to handle the day when I finally come out.  I head to the kitchen.  Matthew made quiche this morning.  It smells divine. 

“Did you sleep alright?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Is Travis still asleep?”

“Yes, I think so.  David helped me get up without waking him.”

Matthew nods.  “Good.  He’s been pushing himself much too hard lately.  But it doesn’t matter if I say anything, he just works himself until he drops.”

Hmm.  I eat my quiche in silence. 

“What’s got you thinking so hard?” Matthew asks me quietly.

I’m not sure how to explain it.  “It’s not…because of me that Travis is working so hard, is it?”  I desperately want Matthew to tell me it isn’t my fault.  I know it sounds stupid and selfish to think it’s all about me, but I can’t help but feel that somehow it is my fault.

“Honestly…I think you are part of it.  I may be wrong but I think Travis is growing rather fond of you.  And I think that makes him want to protect you in any way he can.  If that means wrapping up this case as soon as possible, that’s what he’s going to try to do.”

“But…but I don’t want him to make himself sick over it!” I protest.

Matthew chuckles at me.  “Kiri, one thing you need to learn about Travis is that he throws himself into anything he feels strongly about.  It doesn’t matter to him if he pushes himself too hard.  All he cares about is doing what he feels is right.  Cathy’ll agree with me.  It doesn’t matter if we tell him he’s working too hard, he just works harder to finish faster and then tells us he’s fine after sleeping for a few days.  It probably isn’t the healthiest way to handle it but at least he’s in good physical shape so it doesn’t do any lasting damage at this point.  In twenty years that probably won’t be the case, but I’m hoping he’ll grow out of it by then.”  Matthew winks at me.

I look down at my plate.  I don’t understand why he would care so much about me.  I’m nothing special. 

“Kiri?  I didn’t tell you that to upset you.”

I nod.  “I know.  I just…I feel guilty about how hard he’s working is all.  He…he shouldn’t have to.”

Matthew puts a hand on my shoulder and I look at him.  “He does it because he wants to, not because he has to.”

“But—”

“But nothing.  I don’t want you to worry about it.  He knows what he’s doing.”

Well…okay then.  I still don’t like that he’s pushing himself so hard.  I’m not worth it. 

“Hey.  I know I promised not to tell you what you’re feeling anymore but I don’t like what I can feel.  Stop thinking that way, okay?”

Can’t a girl feel inadequate around here?  I sigh because he’s right.  Me feeling worthless isn’t going to help anything.  “I’ll try,” I agree softly.  “It’s just hard sometimes, you know?”

Matthew gives me a soft smile.  “More than you think.  There were a number of times during the war that I wondered if my contribution was making any kind of difference.  The others were all so much more skilled than I was…they still are.  There was a time I thought the only reason they kept me around was because they were ordered to put up with me.”

“You know that’s not true, Matthew.”  We both look at the doorway as Travis comes in.  “You were the best cook.”

Matthew rolls his eyes and grins at me.  “See what I mean?”

Travis helps himself to some quiche and sits down next to me at the table.  “Did you sleep alright?”

I nod.

“You weren’t too uncomfortable, were you?”

I shake my head. 

“I’m sorry that I fell asleep so fast.  I didn’t mean to leave you awake alone.”

“It really isn’t a big deal, Travis.  I wasn’t awake that long.”

Travis nods but he’s watching me closely. 

“What?”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’d be better if you’d quit working yourself to death.”

His look of scrutiny changes to one of surprise.  “I’m not.”

I roll my eyes.  “Yeah right.”

“Travis, Kiri isn’t the only one that worries about you, you know.  You’re pushing yourself again.”

Travis glares at Matthew.  “Matthew—”

“I know…you’re fine.  But I still worry that you’re going to push too far one of these days.  And it isn’t fair for you to make Kiri feel bad.  She thinks it’s her fault you’re doing this.”

Travis looks at me.  “I…I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

Yeah, well...

“If that’s how ya feel, quit doin’ it,” David pipes up from the doorway.  He smirks as Travis rolls his eyes.  “So what’s on the agenda today?”  I’m grateful that David changed the subject.  He pulls a chair over and straddles it, resting his arms on the back. 

“There’s more to the hearing today, however Colonel Gage has decided that it is too much stress for Kiri and will not require her to attend further sessions.”  Is it just me or does Matthew look a bit smug?  “However, as soon as the court reaches a verdict, there will be decisions that have to be made.”  Matthew looks at me.  “You’ll need to decide what you want to do.”

I don’t know.  I look down at my breakfast.  I don’t know what to do.  I guess I could go to school…or try to find a job…but I don’t know where to start.

“Kiri?  Remember what we talked about.  Just take it one step at a time, okay?” David says.  I look up at him and nod.  I still don’t know where to start. Maybe I should make a list.

Travis and Matthew share an incredulous look.

“What?” David demands.

“Nothing,” Matthew says quickly.

David snorts.  “Nothin’ my butt.  You guys just can’t believe that I’d give Kiri good advice.  Ya know, I’m not half as stupid as I let people think I am.”

“That’s for sure,” Travis mutters.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Travis takes a drink of orange juice.  “Well, if you were, I’d have to wonder if you could write your own name.”

David rolls his eyes.  “You’ve been hangin’ around ‘ZhÇ” too much.”

“Enough bickering.  David, we know you aren’t stupid.  You’d have blown yourself up years ago if you were.  We just like giving you a hard time,” Matthew explains.

“Yeah, I know.  I guess I deserve it.  Especially since I’m about to tease you about Trevon.”

“Who or what is ‘Tray-von’ David?

David winks at me.  “He’s Kiri’s hairdresser.  Tall, dark hair, dark brown eyes…thinks you’re gorgeous.”

Matthew chokes on his orange juice and turns bright red.  I’ve never seen anyone turn that color before.

“Wh-what?”

David howls with laughter.  “Oh…see I told ya, Kiri…he turns the funnest colors!”

“David I don’t understand why you find it so hilarious.”  Matthew tries to sound stern, but the fact that he’s candy apple red doesn’t help him at all.  David’s right about Matthew turning fun colors.  “You are well aware that while I support you and Roland, I am 100% straight.  I will never understand why you feel it necessary to tease me about being gay.”

“It’s because you react the way you do,” David tells him, still sniggering.  “See, if I told Travis that Carson down in the mail room thinks he’s sex on two legs…” David looks at Travis, whose expression hasn’t changed a bit, “I get nothin’.  It’s no fun.  But you…you my oldest and dearest friend, still blush like a schoolgirl at the slightest mention of someone finding you attractive.  It’s naively endearing.”

“Does it only work when you tell him guys think he’s cute?” I ask.

“I don’t think so, but I’ve never tried it.  Why do you ask?”

Because I need to get Matthew back for lying to me about that sedative.  “Well…I’m sure he was listening in on the conversation…but my friend Courtney—”

“That chick that works at the mall?” David clarifies.

I nod.  “Yeah…well, she’s kind of had a crush on Matthew since third grade.  She even had her wedding dress picked out.  By fifth grade she had the venue and by the time I was taken, she’d had everything down to the ‘Thank You’ cards picked out.  She even knew how much everything was going to cost and she had a separate piggy bank labeled ‘Dream Wedding’.”

Matthew’s blush deepens ever so slightly.

“Oh, and she asked me to get her your number.  She’s still got it bad for you.  In fact, she accused me of running away just so I could get you before she did.”

That does it.  Matthew’s almost maroon.  “Um…well…” he stammers. 

Hold the phone!  “Shut UP!  You think she’s cute, don’t you?”

Matthew is maroon now.

“Oh…oh this is priceless!”  David’s holding his ribs as he laughs.  “Matthew’s finally got a crush on someone!  Our cute little Psycho-Matt is growing up!”

“David if you ever call me that again I’m going to cut your hair while you sleep,” Matthew growls.  But since he’s still maroon, it totally ruins the threat.

Travis is doing his best to keep a straight face, but the edge of his mouth quirks ever so slightly.

“I hate all of you,” Matthew mutters before trying to hide behind his orange juice.

“That’s too bad because Courtney gave me her new number,” I tease.

Matthew’s eyes flick to me and back almost too quick for me to catch.  Shut up, shut up!  He’s totally trying not to ask me for her number. 

Suddenly, Matthew stands.  “Agh!  All of you quit it!”  He leaves the kitchen and a second later, a door shuts rather loudly.  I don’t think I can call it slamming, because Matthew’s not the type to slam the door, but it was close.

“Really hit a nerve with that one, didn’t we,” David chuckles.  “Do you really have her number or were you just trying to get his dander up?”

“I really have it.  And she really does have a thing for him still.”  I frown at him.  “I thought you listened in on the conversation I had with her.”

“Well…not all of it,” David admits.  “I really only went over there to make sure you’d be okay.  I didn’t actually intend to eavesdrop, I was just close enough to hear what went on just in case she turned out to be…well, like your parents.”

I nod.  He wasn’t doing it to be sneaky, he was just concerned for me, so I can forgive him.  Like I should forgive Matthew for getting me away from the courthouse.  Now I feel bad.  I shouldn’t have teased him.

Travis finishes his breakfast and takes his dishes to the sink.  “Are you done, Kiri?”

Hm?  “Yeah.”  I grab my dishes and take them to the sink, intending to wash them, but Travis takes them from me.  “I can do that.  You don’t have to.”

“I know.  But I’m doing mine anyway.”

Fine then.  I’m not going to argue that he won’t let me do the dishes. 

“Kiri, did you take your meds?” David asks me.

“Um…not yet.”

“Do your ribs hurt this morning?” Travis asks from his position at the sink.

“No, actually, they don’t.”

“That’s good.”  Travis has most of the dishes clean.  I look in the drawers for a towel to dry with.  I find one and start wiping down the dishes.  David takes the dry dishes from me and puts them away.  Once Travis is done he takes the towel from me.

“Go relax.  We’ll finish up.”

“But—”

“No buts,” David butts in.  “Your ribs don’t hurt right now but if you move wrong they’ll be sore again.  You should take it easy.”

Yeah, but what exactly am I supposed to do?  Right now my choices are watch TV or sleep.  I’m not really in the mood to do either.

“Why don’t you see if Matt’s cooled off any?  And ask him if there’s somethin’ we’re supposed to do today or if it’s a veg day,” David suggests.

Ummm…okay.  I guess I could handle an angry Matthew…maybe.  I nod and head down the hall.  Which room is his?  Let’s see…that one’s mine…those two have the doors open, so…it must be this one.

I knock softly on the door.

54: Chapter 54

Chap. 54

“Come in.”

I open the door and peek in.  Matthew’s room is very tidy and is decorated in browns with red accents.  He’s sitting at a desk writing something.

“Um…can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask.

“Of course.  Please come in and make yourself comfortable.”  Matthew puts down his pen and swivels his chair so he’s facing me as I sit on the bed, which is the only other place to really sit. 

“I…I wanted to apologize for teasing you earlier.  It wasn’t very nice of me.”

Matthew waves a hand.  “It was all in fun.  You get used to it with David doing it all the time.”

“That doesn’t mean I should have joined in.”

Matthew gives me a serious look.  “I know you didn’t mean it.”

“Then why did you get so upset?”

Matthew sighs.  “It’s mostly because I can tell what everyone is feeling.  It’s a bit exhausting to have everyone get their hopes up because they think they know what you want.”

I…ohhhh…yeah, I think I subconsciously did that.  “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Apology accepted, but not necessary.  At least you didn’t have any ulterior motives.”

“Huh?”

Matthew chuckles.  “I’m pretty sure David and ShÇŽo zhÇ” have a bet going on whether or not I get married before I’m thirty.  I think that’s why David teases me about guys liking me in the hopes it’ll push me to get married just to prove to him I’m straight.”

“Oh.”

“That wasn’t all you wanted to ask me, was it?”

I blush a bit.  “Did…did you want Courtney’s number?  I'll give it to you if you do and I won’t tell David about it.”

Matthew doesn’t answer me right away.  “I think I would like Courtney’s number.  Now don’t get your hopes up.  While your friend is attractive, I don’t know that I want to pursue a relationship right now.  I do, however, think it would be wise if you didn’t tell her about Tanya.”

My breath catches against my will.

“I think it will be too much for you, but if the three of you were as close as you seemed to be, I think it’s only fair that Courtney is informed before anything hits the press.  I don’t know how much will be allowed to be released to the public, but just in case, it’s better for her not to read about it in the paper, wouldn’t you agree?”

I nod.  “Th-thank you, Matthew.  I appreciate that more than I can say.  I was really dreading having to tell her.”

“I know.  Would you like to be there when I tell her or would you rather I did it without you?”

“I don’t know,” I whisper.  “I don’t know what I can handle right now.”

Matthew nods.  “I think maybe it would be better if I spoke to Courtney alone.  I’ll make sure that she knows you’re not avoiding her on purpose so she won’t be upset with you.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.  Is there anything else bothering you?”

“I don’t think so.  David did say that I should ask you if there’s anything we’re supposed to do today.”

“Nothing specific.  I think we’re just supposed to wait until Colonel Gage requests to meet with you again and I don’t think she’ll do that until after the hearings are over.”

“She wants to meet with me again?”

Matthew nods.  “I’m sure it will be to inform you of whatever the court decides and to decide what your next step is.”

“Oh…okay.”

“I’m pretty sure you have a day or two to think it over.  But don’t stress too much over it.  I think the Colonel just wants to make sure that you have something to work towards.  Kind of a career counselling.  Try to decide if you want to go to school or not or if you want to work someplace or maybe if you’d like to go back to the circus.  I know Cathy told Travis she’d love to have you back, even if it’s only for a little while.”

I nod.  Can I really go back to the circus?  That would be great.  I miss Cathy and Torvald and Johnson.  Plus, I might need to play matchmaker…

“Thank you, Matthew.  I’ll let you get back to work.”  I stand.

“Anytime, Kiri.  My door is always open,” Matthew tells me.

I grin at him and head out to the living room.  I carefully sit on the couch and start flipping through channels.

“So what’d Matthew say?” David asks as he leans against the back of the couch.

“He said that as far as he knows we have down time until Colonel Gage summons me.”

“Awesome.”  David jumps over the back of the couch and sits next to me.  “Let’s watch a bunch of movies and get sick on popcorn!”

I roll my eyes.  “I don’t like being sick, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.  Travis!  Wanna watch movies with us?”

I look up as Travis comes into the doorway between the kitchen and the living room.  “Maybe later.  I think I’m going to lie down for a while.”

“Are you okay?” I ask.

He nods.  “Yeah, I might have to go in later to go over some things and I think it would be wise to sleep while I can.”

Oh.  Okay…I’m not sure why I feel guilty all of a sudden.  I mean, watching me is his job, but…but maybe I’m making it harder for him.  Not on purpose of course, but would it be easier if I just went and sat in on the hearings?

“Kiri?”

I start and feel my face flush.  Travis is kneeling down next to me, looking at me funny.

“Are you okay?”

I nod.  “I…I just feel bad because…because you’re working so hard,” I mumble.  “Maybe if I just deal with it and sit through the hearings—”

“Like hell you will.” 

I’m too surprised to flinch at Travis’s dark tone.  I stare at him.

Travis gently cups my jaw and runs his thumb over my cheek.  His voice is soft when he speaks again.  “You don’t need to be there.  And I don’t want you feeling bad.  This is my job.  I know what I’m doing.  Most days this job is easier than at the circus.  Trust me to know when I need to take a break, okay?”

I nod.  “Okay,” I whisper.

I blush as Travis gives me a gentle kiss on the lips before standing.  “Have fun watching movies.  David, if you make her sick, I’ll make you sorry.”

David grins at Travis.  “You could try.”

Travis raises an eyebrow.  “Don’t think Roland will be able to save you if you truly piss me off.”

“Hey!  Roland doesn’t always save me.”

Travis chuckles.  “If it makes you feel good to think that, you go right ahead and think that.”

David sticks his tongue out at Travis’s back as Travis heads to one of the bedrooms.  “You sure you wanna get involved with him?” David teases me.

“Be nice or I’ll make you watch Chick Flicks all day.”

David laughs and hands me the remote.  “Pick a movie while I get some popcorn made up.  Maybe for lunch we can order a pizza or something.”

I flip through the channels and find an old movie.  I haven’t seen it before, but it looks kind of fun.  David plops on the couch and puts a bowl of popcorn between us.  I’m not hungry so I don’t really eat any, but that’s okay.  Surprisingly enough, David doesn’t mind the movie I’ve picked.  We giggle through the whole thing.  Matthew comes out to see what we’re laughing at.

“Come watch it with us, Matt.”

“I have to finish these reports, David.  Maybe after they’re done I can join you.”

David looks at me with a smirk before turning to Matthew and saying, “Boo, you whore!”

Matthew shakes his head as we dissolve into a fit of giggles.  “Don’t make me push you in front of a bus, David.”

“Awww…you’ve seen this one already?” David whines.

“I have 9 older sisters, David.  I’ve seen more chick flicks than I care to admit.  However, I will concede that ‘Mean Girls’ is less annoying than most.”

“Well, I don’t think we’ll only be watching chick flicks today.  This is just what was on first.  Once you’re finished with your reports you should join us.  We’ll even let you suggest some of the movies we watch,” I tell him.

“As soon as these reports are finished, we’ll see.  I don’t want to promise anything just in case I get called in.”

“You’re on call today?  That sucks,” David comments.  “Better you than me, though.  I’d rather be on Kiri Duty any day.”

Why do I feel like I’m five?  “I don’t need a babysitter, you know,” I mutter.

David throws an arm over my shoulder.  “I didn’t mean it like that.  I’d just rather hang out with you than deal with the crazies.”

“You just remember you said that,” I tease.  “Oooh…let’s watch Austenland.  I loved that book.”

“What is it with you and old movies?”

“What?  Some of them are really good.”

David rolls his eyes.  “Okay, but I’m picking the next one.”

David gets more popcorn and I decide to hit the little girl’s room before we start the movie.  I head back to my room and…hey, what’s Travis doing in my bed?  I mean…yeah, so we’ve shared a bed before but…I thought he was taking a nap in his bed.  Unless…I’ve been using his bed and…um…is it possible for my face to actually set on fire?

My thoughts are disrupted by Travis rolling over in his sleep.  I don’t want him to think I’ve been spying so I slip into the bathroom.  Hey, that’s why I went back there in the first place so I figure I might as well. 

When I come out, I’m really careful to be quiet.  I don’t want to wake him up.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter.  Travis is tossing and turning on the bed.  It almost looks like he’s having a seizure.  It’s kind of scary.  I bite my lip and tiptoe over to the bed.

“Travis?”

He grunts and turns again.  He’s sweating and he looks like he’s in pain.

“Travis…are you okay?”

He grunts again as he tosses on the bed.  He’s getting twisted in the blankets.

“Travis wake up.  Please?”  I reach out to shake his arm but he turns just as I do, jerking his arm out of reach.  Maybe I should just get Matthew.  I head out the door and knock on Matthew’s door.  He doesn’t answer!  “Matthew?”

“Hey, Kiri, what’s wrong?” David asks, coming out of the kitchen.

“I…I think Travis is having a nightmare but I can’t wake him up.  Where’s Matthew?”

“He got called in.”  David heads to Travis’s/my room.  I follow for lack of anything better to do.

“Travis, come on buddy, wake up.”  David is shaking Travis’s shoulder, trying to wake him up.  Suddenly Travis grabs David and wrestles him to the ground.

“Tra-vis!  Wake UP!” David gets out.  “Stand down!”

Oh no!  Travis is going to kill David in his sleep! 

I run to the side of the bed and grab Travis’s arm.  “Travis!  Wake up and let David go!  Oof!”  Travis throws me off of him and I end up against the wall.  I know he didn’t mean it, but he’s scaring me now.  I draw my knees up and wrap my arms around them.  Maybe if I don’t move he won’t notice me.

“YOU JERK!  WAKE UP!!”

Travis’s head jerks back and he suddenly lets David go and stands up, rubbing his jaw.  He swears.  “What’d you do that for?”

“You psycho!  You nearly killed me.”  David gets up, pushes past Travis and kneels down next to me.  “Hey, are you okay?” he asks me gently.

I nod, but flinch when he reaches out to move my hair out of my face.  Travis swears and I look up.

He looks at me.  His eyes are hard, but…but I see sorrow there.  “I told you to be afraid of me,” he says quietly before leaving.

“But…I don’t want to be,” I whisper as I stare at the empty doorway.  I can feel the tears pooling in my eyes.  I try not to blink because if I blink they’ll fall.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” David asks me quietly.

“I didn’t mean to make him mad,” I tell David softly.

“Naw, it’s not your fault.”  David wraps his arms around me and I let the tears fall as he holds me.  “We all have nightmares and sometimes they get away from us.  I think Travis is more upset that he might have hurt you than anything.  He’ll come back when he gets it together.”

“But if I’d just left him alone—”

“Hey, it’s not your fault.  It was actually mine.  I know Travis is stronger than I am.  It usually takes two of us to get him out of it.  I should’ve had you wait in the other room and called Roland or ShÇŽo zhÇ” or something.”

The front door opens.  “Hey!  David!  Are you here?”

“Back here, Roland.”

Roland shows up in the doorway.  “I got a call from Travis.  What happened?”

“Not much.  He had a nightmare that got away from him is all.”

“He said he almost killed you and he hurt Kiri.”  Roland sounds a little bit pissed…and it’s my fault, I know it.

“Not really.  He was on top of me and Kiri tried to wake him up but he ended up kind of throwing her off.  She says he didn’t hurt her, but I think I’d be lying if I said it didn’t scare her some.  I had to punch him in the jaw to wake him up.”

Roland runs a hand through his hair.  “Where’s Travis now?”

David shrugs with his arms around me.  “Dunno.  He got upset and ran out.”

Roland looks at me.  “If you’re not hurt, why are you crying?”

“Give her a break.  She thinks it’s her fault.  She feels bad about it.”

“You have to find him,” I whisper.  “Please?”

Roland nods.  “I’ll go look for him.  David, you stay here with Kiri and call me if Travis shows up without me.”

“Sure thing.”

“Thank you,” I tell Roland softly.

He nods at me.  “I’ll be back soon.”

He leaves and David gently lifts my chin so I’m looking at him.  “Everything’s gonna be just fine, okay?  Why don’t we go watch that movie now, huh?”

“I don’t feel like it right now.”

“Okay.  Is there something else you’d like to watch?”

I shake my head.  “Can I just…be alone for a little bit?”

“If that’s what you want.  But you gotta promise me you’re not gonna try and climb out the window or somethin’ stupid.”

“I won’t.  I promise.”

David gives me a peck on the top of my head.  “Okay.  I’ll be in the living room or the kitchen when you decide you wanna come out.”

“Thanks, David.”

David gets up and helps me to my feet.  He leaves and I throw myself onto the bed and sob into a pillow.  It smells like Travis, which makes me feel worse and I cry harder.  

I cry myself to sleep.

55: Chapter 55

Chap. 55

It’s dark when I wake up.  I’m kind of cold.  I get off the bed and straighten out the blankets so I can wrap myself up in them.  I climb back into the bed and pull the blankets up.  It doesn’t really help.  I do my best not to think about how much warmer I’d be if Travis was here.

I still feel bad for making him mad.  What if he never talks to me again?  What if he asks to get transferred and I never see him again?

“You’d deserve it, you know.”

How the heck did Delia get in here?  I thought she was in jail!  I sit up and stare at her as she walks closer to me.

“You’re such a selfish little wench, are you actually surprised that he walked out on you?”

“P-please leave,” I whisper. 

Her face twists into a leer.  “Whatsamatter?  Spoiled bawl-baby can’t take the truth?”

“Leave or I’ll…I’ll scream.”

She grins evilly.  “Do it.”

I can’t.  I’m too scared.

“I knew you wouldn’t.  You’re such a waste.  A waste of money, a waste of food, a waste of time, a waste of space.  You’re nothing.  No one will ever want you.  Your own parents don’t want you.”

I pull up my knees and start crying. 

“Kiri?  What’s wrong?”  I hear Matthew but I can’t see him.

“Help me…please make her go away!”

“He can’t help you!  Why would he want to?”  My father joins Delia.  “Delia’s right.  No one wants you.  No one cares about you.  You really think those Interceptors care?  Babysitting you is their job.  You’re nothing to them but a paycheck.”

“You’re wrong,” I whisper through my tears, but even as I say it, I find it hard to believe. 

“You just wish we were wrong,” Delia tells me maliciously.  “Since no one wants you, why don’t we solve the problem now?”

She lunges at me and wraps the blankets around my throat, strangling me.

I scream as best I can and struggle against her, clawing at her face.  Surely one of the Interceptors heard me!  My father comes over to help her and he’s holding my arms so I can’t get her off.  Then Carter is there and he’s holding down my legs as I try to kick them off!  Where did they all come from? 

“HELP ME!” I scream.  I wish Travis was here!  He’d save me…right?  “LET ME GO!”

“No.  Worthless trash like you belongs in the dumpster!  You’ll fit better in pieces,” Delia tells me with that maniacal grin plastered onto her face.

I scream and pull against them as hard as I can.  I manage to get one of my legs free and I kick Carter.  Where, I’m not sure, but he lets me go.  I focus on getting my arms free from my father’s grasp.  He’s stronger than I am but I twist and pull and manage to get away from him and Delia.  I land on the floor with a thump and a cry. 

That really hurt!

“Kiri?”  Oh sure, now David shows up.  “Hey are you okay?”  He’s kneeling next to me with his hand gently on my back.

“D-did you catch them?” I ask.

“Who?”

“M-my father and D-Delia and C-Carter.  They were all j-just here.  Th-they were trying to kill me.”  I can’t stop the tears.

David carefully lifts me up and sets me back on the bed.  “It was just a bad dream.  There was no one here.”

“A-are you s-sure?”  It seemed like it was really happening.  Somehow the thought pops in my head that this must be how Dorothy felt at the end of that movie…

He hands me my lion, which I immediately cling to as tears slide down my cheeks.  Don’t judge me.  I repress another “Wizard of Oz” comparison. 

“I’ll double check the room if you want but no one’s been in since Matthew checked in on you earlier after Travis…well…”  David only shuts up like that when he says something he isn’t supposed to.

“Travis came back?  When?”

“A while ago.  He said he came in and you told him to leave or you’d scream.”

Long list of bad words!  “I…I didn’t tell him that…I…I thought I was talking to Delia.”  I hide my face in my lion and cry some more.  Now I’ve totally screwed up.  There’s no way that Travis will talk to me ever again!

I feel the bed dip as David sits next to me.  He wraps an arm around me and tries to soothe me.  “Shhh…everything will be fine.  I’ll talk to Travis if you want.  I don’t think he realized you were asleep because he’d kept the lights off so he wouldn’t wake you up.”

I suppose that could have happened.  But chances are, even if David talks to Travis, it won’t make any difference.  He hates me now.  He has to.  Even I hate me now.

“Do you want to try and sleep again or would you rather come out to the living room and try to watch a movie or something?”

I shrug.  I’m so tired that I need to sleep, but I don’t know if I can.

“Tell ya what.  Why don’t you lie down and I’ll stay here with you for a bit.  If you can’t sleep, we’ll go to the other room, okay?”

I nod and lie down.  David tucks the blankets in around me, but I’m still cold.  He lies down next to me, on top of the blankets, and puts an arm around me.  It doesn’t help much, but I’m so cold that I cuddle up next to him anyway.  Somehow, he just doesn’t feel right…not like Travis.

The thought makes a stab of loss go through me and I have to fight not to cry again.  I force myself to think about something else.  The circus makes me think of Travis, so that doesn’t work.  Everything lately is linked to Travis…this sucks.  I’ll have to go back farther, back to…before.  That doesn’t help much either.  Most thoughts have my dad and Delia or Tanya in them.  Don’t I have memories of anything that hasn’t blown up in my face? 

I guess trying to think of something to think about works because I manage to fall asleep anyway.

56: Chapter 56

Chap. 56

I’m finally warm.  I don’t want to move.  Moving would be dumb.  I’m warm and comfortable and I finally managed to actually sleep.  This feels nice.  I wonder what it would be like to wake up like this every day.  Would I get tired of it?  Would I take advantage of it and sleep through my alarm all the time?  If I felt this good, would I care?

I keep my eyes closed and hug my lion a little tighter.  I’m trying to banish all those sad thoughts I had before falling asleep.  I hope Travis is okay.  I take a deep breath to calm myself and it hitches.  Oh well.  I guess I’m just going to be upset for a while.

A hand strokes my hair.

“Shh.”

Huh?  I stiffen and open my eyes.  “T-Travis?”  I don’t believe it.  He’s here and I’m wrapped up in his arms.  It’s not my lion I’ve been clinging to.

He looks at me warily.  “I’ll go.”

He starts to roll away from me, but I grab him tightly.  “Don’t!  Please!  Please don’t leave me,” I beg.  Okay, I know it’s pathetic but I cried myself to sleep because I thought he was mad at me.  I want to apologize.

He frowns at me.  Crap…he’s mad.  I let him go and quit looking him in the eyes.  “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“Are you awake right now?”

Huh?  “Um…yeah…I think so.”

He gives me a gentle smile.  “Okay.  Just checking.  David told me that you were asleep when I came in last night.”

“I…I thought…I thought I was talking to Delia.”  Remembering my nightmare makes me tremble a little bit. 

Travis wraps his arms around me and I snuggle into him.  This feels nice.  He waits until I calm down to ask, “So what were you dreaming about that made you kick David in the balls?”

I sit up.  “I did what!?”

Travis is actually trying not to laugh as he sits up.  “Don’t worry, he’s fine.  His voice went up an octave for about two hours.  It was hilarious!”

I don’t think it’s that funny.  I could have really hurt him.  Does he hate me now?

“Hey, don’t be upset.  I told you, he’s fine.  And he isn’t mad at you.  He knows you didn’t mean it.”

I look down.  “You didn’t.”

Travis pushes a few strands of hair behind my ear.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have assumed that you were still afraid of me.”

“I don’t want to be afraid of you.”

“Even after I hurt you?”

“You didn’t hurt me.  What scared me most was that I couldn’t wake you up.  And then when David got you awake you were mad at me—”

“I wasn’t angry with you and I’m sorry I made you feel that way.  I was mad that I tried to hurt David and I thought I hurt you.  I…I’m sorry.  I just…sometimes I still have nightmares about things that happened during the war and they’re pretty intense.  I think I made this one worse by not sleeping like I should.  But…don’t tell Matthew I admitted that.”

“Okay,” I promise.  “But you have to promise me that you won’t push yourself so hard if this is what’s going to happen.”

Travis sighs.  “Kiri—”

“Don’t ‘Kiri’ me!  I’d do anything I could to keep my nightmares from happening!  I can’t imagine why you’d want to go out of your way to have them.”

“I don’t.  But sometimes I can’t control the situation enough to get the sleep I need.  Sometimes other things are more important than getting eight hours of sleep.”

“I understand that, Travis.  I just want you to promise me that you won’t do this if it can be avoided, that’s all,” I tell him quietly.

He gives me a peck on the cheek.  “That, I can do.”

“Promise me something else?”

Travis raises an eyebrow.

“Promise me that you won’t run out like that again without talking first?  I…this sounds really selfish but I think my nightmare was because of that and…”

Travis shuts me up by kissing me.  Mmmmmm…

“I’m sorry,” Travis tells me as he releases my lips.  He leans his forehead against mine and I look into his eyes.  “I will try not to make you have nightmares anymore.”  He kisses me again.

I can’t help but smile.  I love when he kisses me.  When we come up for air he says, “Why don’t you get dressed?  Matthew made breakfast.”

I nod but just before he walks out the door I think of something.  “Hey Travis?  Did I really kick David or were you just saying that?”

Travis laughs.  “Yeah…I think ShÇŽo zhÇ” recorded a bit of David talking on his phone!”

“DON’T LAUGH!  IT’S NOT THAT FUNNY!” David yells from somewhere in the apartment.

I’m not sure, but I think his voice is still a bit higher than it was before.  Maybe it’s just because he’s worked up…but maybe not.  I stifle a giggle and Travis snorts. 

“You really don’t remember what you were dreaming about?” Travis asks me.

“No…but I do for the other nightmare.  I wonder why…”

Travis shrugs.  “I don’t know.  Do you remember your other nightmares?”

“Some of them…but sometimes I don’t know that I’ve had them until I wake up and one of you tells me about it.” 

Travis shrugs again.  “Just one of those things, I guess.  Get dressed and come get some breakfast.”

I nod and Travis leaves.

As I shower and get ready for the day I wonder if David is mad at me.  I know Travis said he wasn’t but…what if he really is?  Will he quit talking to me or stop offering to watch movies with me?  I know it sounds kind of silly, but I was starting to think of him as a friend and I don’t have enough that the loss would go unnoticed.

I’m a bit nervous as I head out to the kitchen.  What if David yells at me?  Maybe if I get it over with it won’t be so bad.  Matthew is at the stove and David is sitting at the table eating his own breakfast.  My stomach growls as I inhale the intoxicating scent of waffles and eggs.

“Hey, did you sleep okay?” David asks as I step into the kitchen.

“Y-yeah.  David I’m so sorry!  I didn’t—”

He cuts me off with a wave of his hand.  “Yeah, I know.  No hard feelings.”  For some reason the corner of his lips twitch like he’s trying not to laugh.  “I mean, I’m not mad at you.  I’m just glad that Travis finally got you to quit screaming and trying to beat the crap out of everyone.”

“Who else did I hurt?”

“No one.  But you took a swing at Roland when he tried to hold you down and then Matt got home and yelled at all of us for freaking you out worse.” 

“You should know by now that restraining her doesn’t work,” Matthew states from his position at the stove.  “It just makes her fight harder.”

David shrugs.  “You know if you could hit like that when you’re awake, no one would ever mess with you.”

I sigh and sit down at the table. 

“Eat.  You’ll feel better,” Matthew tells me as he puts a plate of waffles and eggs in front of me.  Matthew really is a good cook. 

He waits until I’ve finished eating to speak again.  “Colonel Gage would like to speak with you today.”

It’s a good thing Matthew waited because had he told me before I ate, I wouldn’t have been able to eat.  Even now, I’m not sure eating was a good idea.  “T-today?  Y-you’re sure?”

Matthew nods.  “Everything will be fine.  You’re not in trouble.  She just wants to tell you what’s been happening with the trial and talk to you about your options.  You don’t need to worry.”

Sure I don’t. 

Travis comes in.  His hair is damp and he’s wearing different clothes.  “Have you made a decision on what you want to do?”

I shrug.  I don’t know if I can do what I want to.

“Well…if Gage pushes you to make a decision, tell her you’re staying with Cathy for a bit.”

I look up at him.  “Is…is that okay?  With Cathy, I mean.”

“Of course.  She told me she misses having you around.”

Do I dare hope?  I mean, Travis hasn’t lied to me before but…but if he gets mad at me again, what if he says I can’t stay with his sister?  It’s kind of his home, too, when he’s not doing Interceptor stuff.  And what about when he’s done with the Interceptors?  Will I have to find somewhere else to go?

“Kiri?  What’s that look for?”  Travis sits in a chair next to me and leans over so we’re face to face.  “If you don’t want to go back to the circus you don’t have to.  I just wanted to let you know it was an option.”

“It’s not that, Travis,” I tell him quietly.  “I…I just feel like…like I’ll be intruding or something.  I don’t really…belong anywhere.”

“Nonsense,” Travis tells me softly.  “Mr. Gerant said you always have a place with the circus.  The circus is like a family.  Once you’re part of it, you’re stuck with us.”

I blink back tears, but one escapes.  Travis gently brushes it away and I throw my arms around his neck.  I bury my face into his shoulder and he holds me as I try to pull myself together.  I’ve been so worried about what I would do and now I have a place to go and something to do and…and a family.  A nontraditional family, but a family nonetheless. 

“Thank you,” I whisper.

Travis doesn’t say anything, but he gives me a tight squeeze.  I stay in his warm embrace for a few minutes.  The emotional roller coaster I’ve been on has been a lot more draining than I expected.  I’m ready to go back to bed.  Unfortunately…

“Kiri, I’d like to leave in half an hour.  Gage would like to meet with you before today’s trial,” Matthew says.

Ugh…I hate the idea of going to see Gage.  I pull out of Travis’s arms, look at Matthew and ask, “Can’t you just tell her I’m going to Cathy’s?”

“If it was that simple, it would be done already.”  Matthew takes a sip of tea and continues to read the newspaper. 

I sigh.  I’m not getting out of this, am I?  “Maybe I should pretend to faint again,” I mutter.

David laughs.  “Sorry, kid, she won’t fall for it twice.  Don’t worry so much.  She won’t eat ya.”

“Might as well get ready to go.  The sooner we get it over with, the sooner you can quit worrying,” Matthew comments.

Fine.  I get up from the table and take my dishes to the sink where David takes them from me.  “Quit dawdling,” he tells me with a grin.

I stick my tongue out at him and retreat to my…um…Travis’s room.  I’m already dressed and my hair’s done, so I brush my teeth, taking my time, of course.  I don’t have anything to do but sit around anyway.  Well that didn’t take nearly long enough.  I come out of the bathroom and stand there, trying to figure out what I ought to do to kill time.

There’s a light knock on the door.  “Kiri?  Can I come in?”

“Yes, Travis.”  I don’t know why he’s asking.  It’s his room, isn’t it?

He comes in and shuts the door behind him.  “Are you going to be okay?”

“I…I think so,” I tell him quietly.  “Did…did you mean what you said earlier?  About…the circus and…and family?”  I have to ask.  I have to ask if I’m going to believe it.

He frowns at me.  “What makes you think I didn’t mean it?”

I look down.  “I’m sorry,” I whisper.  “I’ve just been lied to by so many people that I should have been able to trust that I…I have a hard time believing anyone.”

Wrapping me in his arms he says, “I will never lie to you.  I promise.  I meant what I said about the circus and Cathy does want you to stay with her.  I also promise I will do everything I can to keep you safe.  You don’t have anything to worry about.”

“I’m still not looking forward to meeting with Gage.”

He chuckles.  “I don’t blame you.  She can be pretty intimidating.  But you don’t have anything to worry about.  Even if you had done something to be in trouble for, Matthew will be with you and he won’t let anything happen.”

“Okay,” I whisper.  “Thank you, Travis…I feel a bit better about it now.”

“What kind of boyfriend would I be if I couldn’t make bad things better?” he asks with a grin.

I grin back at him and he leans down and kisses me.  Our kiss is interrupted by someone knocking on the door.

“Kiri?  Are you ready?”

Travis rolls his eyes but gives me a last peck before letting me go.  He opens the door.  “She’s ready, Matthew.” 

I look up at Travis.  “Can’t you come, too?”

“No.  I have to leave soon in order to be at the courthouse when they resume the hearings so I won’t be able to go with you.  Gage is actually going to be late to the hearings today so that she can speak to you.”

“Oh…okay.”

“You’ll be fine,” he assures me.

I nod and follow Matthew.

I wish this was over already!

57: Chapter 57

Chap. 57

I don’t want to go.

The Interceptors Office is a huge building.  I stick close to Matthew.  I don’t want to get lost.  Although…if I got lost maybe by the time they found me, Gage wouldn’t have time to talk to me.  On the other hand, she might get mad at me and then she’d yell at me and we’d still have to have this stupid talk.  Okay, then, I’ll just go and get it over with.

The first thing we do is go through security.  Matthew shows them his badge, which gives him permission to be armed in the building.  He takes me to the receptionist to pick up a clearance badge.  The receptionist asks me for an I.D. and I look down.  I don’t have an I.D.  Am I in trouble now?

“Colonel Gage should have spoken to you about her,” Matthew states.

“I’m sorry, sir.  I cannot issue a clearance pass without identification.

Matthew draws me to the side so others can get their passes. 

“Am I in trouble?” I ask softly.                           

“Of course not, Kiri,” Matthew gently reassures me.  “I’ll just make a call and get it cleared up.  That girl is just doing her job after all.”

I look around as Matthew makes a phone call and explains the situation.  He hangs up and we wait for a few minutes.

“Ah, there he is.  Come along.”

I follow Matthew over to the desk again.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” is speaking to the receptionist.  He sounds a bit angry.

“ShÇŽo zhÇ”, don’t be too hard on her.  She’s just doing her job.”

ShÇŽo zhÇ” turns to Matthew.  “I am not angry with her.  I am annoyed at something else.”

“Oh, well that’s good because from here it sounded like you were angry with her.”

ShÇŽo zhÇ” rolls his eyes and holds a card out to me.  “Clip this to your shirt and let’s get a move on.”

I take it and do as he says.  He stalks off and I look up at Matthew, who thanks the receptionist and gives her a wink, making her blush.  He puts a hand on my back and we follow ShÇŽo zhÇ” to the elevator.  Once inside the elevator ShÇŽo zhÇ” punches a button and mutters to himself in Chinese.  I stand quietly next to Matthew.  I know ShÇŽo zhÇ” won’t hurt me, but if he’s in a bad mood, I don’t want to accidentally antagonize him.

“ShÇŽo zhÇ”, what’s the problem?”

ShÇŽo zhÇ” stops mid-rant and looks at Matthew.  “Nothing.”

“Clearly,” Matthew responds dryly.

ShÇŽo zhÇ” says something else in Chinese and Matthew replies in kind.  Apparently it isn’t something I’m allowed to hear, which is fine.  I’m not sure I want to know.

The elevator stops and I follow Matthew down the hall.  ShÇŽo zhÇ” is walking behind me, which makes me a bit nervous for some reason.  Matthew opens a door and waits for me to enter before closing it behind me.  We’re in an empty hallway.

“Kiri, before we get to Gage’s office, I wanted to tell you something.”

I look at him.

“According to ShÇŽo zhÇ”, Colonel Gage is not happy about the outcome of the hearings as they now stand.  Even though all of the evidence hasn’t been reviewed, the sentencing has occurred and she isn’t pleased with the results.  Because of that, she may seem to be in a foul mood, but she is not angry with you.  You don’t need to be afraid of her, okay?”

I nod.  I’m glad he told me, but it doesn’t guarantee that I’ll be able to avoid cringing or flinching.  But I think they know that by now.

Matthew puts an arm over my shoulder and we walk down to Colonel Gage’s office.  He knocks and opens the door.

“Ah, Matthew, is Kiri with you?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”  He gently urges me forward and shuts the door behind us.

“Have a seat.  Would you like anything?  Tea?  Coffee?”

I shake my head.

“Tea would be nice,” Matthew answers casually.

The Colonel pushes an intercom and tells her secretary to being in a tea and a coffee.

“How are you doing, Kiri?”

“Fine,” I answer softly.

“No more fainting spells?”

I shake my head.

“That’s good to hear.”

The secretary, a woman with graying hair and a kind smile, brings in a tray with tea for Matthew, coffee for the Colonel, and a hot chocolate for me, “Just in case,” she says with a wink.  The tray also has cheese and crackers and cookies to snack on.

“Kiri, the reason I’ve requested that you come here is because I wanted to speak to you about what happened at the hearing.”

I look down.  I knew she would be mad.

A hand lifts my chin.  “I’m not angry.  I wanted to apologize.  I was advised that it may be too stressful for you, but I chose to ignore it.  I do hope you can forgive me.”

I nod.  I’m not about to tell her that Matthew planned for me to pass out.  He’d get in trouble.

She smiles at me.  “Thank you.  Just don’t blab to everyone that I was wrong.  It doesn’t happen that often and some people might bring it up all the time.”

I look at Matthew, who mouths “David” and rolls his eyes.

“I won’t say anything,” I tell her quietly.  From what I’ve seen, David gets in enough trouble without adding fuel to the fire.

“You can relax, Kiri.  You aren’t in any trouble.  This is a debriefing to let you know what has been happening at the trial and what will happen next.”

Oh…okay.  I take a cookie and nibble on it as the Colonel talks.

“After you left, it was decided that we would view all the footage, which is why this is taking so long.  We haven’t gotten through even a tenth of it and I have to say, I’m glad you haven’t been subjected to it.  It isn’t pretty.”

My mouth goes dry and I take a sip of the hot chocolate.  Colonel Gage takes a sip of her coffee before continuing.

“The judge, while concerned about your reaction, is bound by certain protocols.  Since all the evidence concerning you has been reviewed, she was required to sentence your *ahem* parents.  Due to those protocols, the sentence wasn’t nearly as harsh as any of us would have liked.  Your parents have each been sentenced to twenty years in a penal colony in China where they will be required to go through rehab and they will be taught skills necessary to find work upon their release.  Should you decide you want to, you will be allowed to visit.”  She looks at me as she takes another sip of her coffee.

“I…I don’t know if I’ll want to…um, visit…but…thank you for the option,” I tell her carefully.  I know I don’t want to see them now, but in ten years that might change.  It might not, but it’s nice to have a choice.

“Those who cooperated with Chase and Decart in the same manner will receive the same sentence.  However, if the girls they sold died, they will receive an additional thirty years of hard labor helping to rebuild Hong Kong.”

Hm…I wonder how ShÇŽo zhÇ” feels about that.  That might be why he’s so mad today.

“Does…does ShÇŽo zhÇ” know?”

Colonel Gage raises an eyebrow.  “Why do you ask?”

I look down.  “Um…because…he’s from Hong Kong…isn’t he?  What if…what if he doesn’t want it rebuilt?”  I’m pretty sure I’m overstepping my bounds here.

I look up a bit.  The Colonel seems thoughtful, but not angry.  “What makes you think that would be ShÇŽo zhÇ”’s decision?”

I shrug.  “I don’t know.  But he…he said something about…about the dead resting in peace.”

“Well…I’ll deal with that later.  Thank you, Kiri.  For now, that is what has been decided.”  The Colonel sighs.  “I would have preferred much harsher or longer sentences, but the judicial system has our hands tied.  I’m sorry, Kiri.  It doesn’t seem right that you were subjected to so much and they seem to be getting off so easy.”

I take a drink of my hot chocolate.  I don’t know how to respond to that.

“So, Kiri, have you considered what you’re going to do now?”

“S-sort of.  I…I thought I’d go back to Cathy’s for a bit so I can get my GED taken care of and then…then maybe go to college once I decide what I want to study.”

Colonel Gage nods.  “That sounds like a decent plan.”  She glances at a piece of paper on her desk.  “It looks like ShÇŽo zhÇ” ran into a bit of trouble concerning your GED.”

Trouble?  What kind of trouble can you run into when you’re trying to give someone a test?

“It seems that since your parents turned in paperwork claiming you’d finished your education to the school district you were attending, they claim you don’t need to take the GED.”

“But…but it’s all lies.  I…I won’t know if I know what I need to if I don’t take it,” I blurt out.

Colonel Gage nods.  “I agree.  There is a way around their information.  You need identification papers.  If you’d like, we can issue you new identification numbers which will make it easier for you to take the GED.”

“Really?  Could…could you also change my name on them?  I…I don’t want…to be associated with my parents anymore.”  Maybe I’m asking too much.

The Colonel nods again.  “I thought that might be the case, especially after you refused to tell us who you were, even though we’ve known since that first televised press conference.”  The colonel nods at my dumbfounded expression.  “You probably didn’t see the part where they announced your name and showed a manipulated photo that showed you healthy and happy in front of the house they were keeping you in.  Roland and I thought it best to earn your trust and have you tell us your name rather than trying to force you to talk.  We didn’t tell the others working with you your real name in the hopes you could trust at least one of them enough to confide in them.  Of course, when you asked my agents to continue calling you Kiri, it only confirmed my suspicion that you were distancing yourself from your parents.”

I look down.  “Actually…at first I didn’t want to tell anyone my name because…because I thought if I did, somehow Chase would find out and go after my family like he threatened.  I didn’t know they were in on it.”

Matthew gently lifts my chin.  “You don’t need to be ashamed for trying to protect them.  If they hadn’t been involved and you did something to send Chase after them, you would feel bad about it.  You didn’t do anything wrong and you should be proud of yourself for getting through everything they threw at you.”

“Thank you, Matthew,” I whisper.  He’s right, of course.  It just sucks that my parents were jerkwads.

The colonel opens her drawer and pulls out a packet, which she hands to me.  “Look these over and see if there’s anything you’d like to change on them.”

I pull out a sheet of paper.  It’s a birth certificate.  It’s weird.  All the information is correct…my birthday, where I was born, even the time of birth…but the parents aren’t listed and the name is simply ‘Kiri.’  No last name.   

“How—?”

Matthew chuckles.  “Once we found out who you really were, it was easy to access your information.  We can even declare ‘Amanda Fitzgibbons’ dead, if you like.”

Hm…would that be weird?  I’ll have to think about it.  I pull out another document.  It’s a new ID card.  When did they take that picture?  I’m not covered in bruises, so…I guess it’s okay.  The next thing is a driver’s license.

“I…I don’t know how to drive,” I admit.

“A minor formality,” Colonel Gage states, waving a hand.  “I’m sure you’ll have time to learn.  In fact, I would bet Cathy would teach you if you asked.”

Okay.  I nod. 

“Just don’t ask David,” Matthew says with a grin.  “It isn’t that he won’t teach you, it’s that he’s got the worst driving record of anyone in the Interceptors, and trust me, that’s saying something.”

Why am I not surprised?  I set it aside and pull out the last paper in the envelope.  It’s a bank statement with…WHOA!  “Th-this can’t be mine.”  I look up to see Colonel Gage grinning at me.  I look at Matthew and he nods.

“It’s yours,” he says.

“But—”

“Kiri, the Interceptors have seized Decart’s, Chase’s and your parents’ assets and liquidated them.  That’s your share,” Colonel Gage explains.  “I know that money can’t make up for what happened to you, but it will allow you to start over.” 

I look at the paper in my hand again.  I don’t know how I feel about having 3 million dollars that was technically earned by torturing and killing people. 

“Of course, if other survivors are not found, it is possible that you will receive more in later years, but I would handle that money wisely in the event that such is not the case.”

I just nod.  I don’t know what to say. 

“Kiri, are you alright?” Matthew asks me softly.

I nod.  “It’s just…a lot.  I never…never expected to ever have anything like this.”

Matthew nods and drinks his tea. 

“Kiri, I don’t want you to feel guilty about having that money,” Colonel Gage tells me.  “You have every right to it.  The three of us are the only people who know you have it, so no one should bother you or ask you for money.”

Matthew looks at me.  “Take it from someone who knows, as soon as people find out you have money, the begging will begin.  Everyone will find a reason to try and get money from you and they’ll do their best to guilt-trip you out of it.  It’s better if you keep it to yourself.”

“O-okay.”

“I think that’s all I had to discuss with you.  Do you have any questions Kiri?” Colonel Gage asks.

I shake my head. 

“Hm…alright then.  If you think of anything please ask.”

“Th-thank you,” I whisper.  I look down at the packet in my lap.  It’s a little overwhelming.  My name is now officially Kiri; I can technically drive, even though I don’t know how yet; I have more money than I know what to do with.  Anything I need, I can buy now.  I get to start over.

“Kiri?”

I look at Matthew.

“Are you sure everything’s alright?”

I nod. 

“It’s a lot to swallow at once, am I right?” Colonel Gage asks gently.

I look at her and nod.  She smiles at me in return.

“Don’t let it stress you out.  Now if there’s nothing else, I ought to get going.  Please feel free to finish your refreshments before you leave.”  She stands and starts towards the door.

I set the packet on the desk and jump up as she passes me.  “Colonel?”

She stops and turns to look at me.  I throw my arms around her and hug her tightly.  “Thank you so much…for everything,” I whisper.  I barely come up to her chin.

She hugs me back, but it seems hesitant, as if she thinks she’ll hurt me.  “You’re welcome,” she tells me softly.  I let her go and she lets me go and steps back, clearing her throat.  “Don’t be a stranger, Kiri.”

What does she mean by that?  I’m not sure, but I nod anyway.  She turns and leaves us.

“We’ll leave when you’re ready,” Matthew says softly, getting my attention. 

I look at my cup…it’s nearly empty, so I sit and finish it.  When I am finished I pick up my packet from the desk and look at Matthew. 

“I’m ready.”

He nods and stands.  I follow him out of the building to the car.

We get to the car and Matthew tosses me the keys.  “Would you like to drive?”

WHAT!?

58: Chapter 58

Chap. 58

I look at the keys in my hand and then at Matthew.  “Are you crazy?”

He shrugs.  “Some people think so.”

“Yeah, well I know so.”  I hold the keys out to him.

He chuckles at me.  “Just give it a try.”  He gets into the passenger seat and looks at me expectantly.

I bite my lip.  He’s definitely insane.  What if I crash?

“Kiri, just get in the car.  I’ll talk you through it.  You’ll be fine.”

If we die, I’m going to kill Matthew.

I climb into the driver’s seat and shut the door.

“Okay, the first thing you’ll want to do is adjust the seat so you can reach the pedals.”  He waits until I get the seat where I want it.  “Okay, now you’ll want to adjust this mirror so you can see behind you and the side mirrors so you can see the back corners of the vehicle.”  Again he waits.  I hope I have these in the right places.

“Great.  Now buckle up and start the car.  Now, this is your speedometer, you’ll want to be sure to check it so you don’t get a speeding ticket.  This is your fuel gauge.  It tells you how much gas you have, you don’t want to run out or the car will die on you.”

“Are you going to tell me something I don’t know?”

He chuckles at me.  “Okay, then.  Do you know which pedal is the gas and which is the brake?”

Ummm…

He points out which one is which and then tells me, “This is the gear shift.  I want you to put your foot on the brake and then put the car in reverse.  Okay, now ease your foot off the brake.  This car is an automatic so it will move even if you don’t press the gas.”

I very slowly let my foot off the brake and then slam it as the car starts to move backwards.  “Um…sorry.”

“It’s all right.  Just relax, you’re doing great.  Try it again.”

I do it again and the car moves backwards once more.

“Great, now this is the tricky part.  You need to watch behind you and in front of you as you ease the wheel around to turn us out of the parking spot.”

Ooookaaaay…I bite my lip as I try to do what he says.  Um…just about…GOT IT!  Yay, I didn’t crash!

“Good.  Now put the car in drive…that’s it and let your foot up off the brake.”

The car moves forward.  I’m heading towards the street.

“You’re doing really great, Kiri.  When we get to the street entrance I want you to stop.”

We get close to the street entrance so I put my foot gently on the pedal…um…shouldn’t we be STOPPING????!!!!

“Kiri, take your foot off the gas.”

Oh…oops.  I take my foot off the gas and hit the brake.  I look at Matthew.  “Maybe you should drive.”

“Nonsense.  You’ll never get it if you don’t keep trying.  Now, I want you to put on your right turn blinker.  Good.  Next, you need to look left, right and then left again to make sure the coast is clear.  When it’s clear, ease forward and turn right onto the street.”

The street is blessedly clear.  I head onto the street.  I keep my foot on the brake to keep from going too fast.

“You don’t have to go five miles an hour the entire way home.”

Huh?  It felt like we were going faster than that.

“Go on.  The speed limit here is 25.  It’s not that fast.  Just try it.”

I nod and carefully press the gas.  I look up at the road and down at the speedometer. 

“Relax, Kiri.  You’re doing great.  I promise we’ll take back roads so you won’t have to go very fast, okay?”

I nod again.  I’m still super nervous.

“You know, if you bite a hole in your lip it’s going to hurt.”

I quit biting my lip.  I see a stop sign up ahead.  I carefully put my foot on the brake and we ease to a stop about half a block before the sign.  Oops.  I’m grateful that Matthew doesn’t say anything.  I ease off the brake and the car inches forward to the stop sign.

“W-which way do I need to go?”

“Go straight.  Be sure to look both ways before you go, though.”

I check and it’s clear so I hit the gas.  The car lurches forward and I hit the brake a little too hard.  “I’m really sorry,” I say softly.

“It’s okay.  Just relax.  You’re doing just fine but it isn’t a good idea to stop in the middle of the road.”

I nod and carefully hit the gas. 

We make it back to the apartment an eternity later.  I’m never going to get the hang of this driving thing.  I manage to park the car and turn off the engine with a sigh of relief.  I’m never doing that again.

“You did really well, Kiri.  You just need a bit of practice to get your confidence up.”

That’s nice of him to say, but it’s a lie.  I almost hit a dog and I ran over the curb when I took a turn too close.  We get out of the car and I give Matthew back his keys.  Once inside the apartment, David asks how everything went and Matthew tells him that I drove for the first time.

“Oh yeah?  How was it?”

“I suck at it.”

“I’d be glad to give you some pointers if you want.”

“David, not that your offer isn’t appreciated, but given your track record do you really think that’s a good idea?” Matthew asks.

“What?  I’m an excellent driver and the best pilot of the bunch of us.”

Matthew shakes his head.  “David…just…don’t tell Kiri anything illegal.”

David grins.  “It’s only illegal if you get caught.”

“It doesn’t matter because I’m never driving again,” I announce. 

“Sure you will.  The first time is always nerve-racking,” Matthew tells me.  “You just need to practice a bit more.”

Whatever.  “Look, I’m going to go lie down for a bit.”  The stress of meeting with the Colonel and then the shock of my new bank account and then the added stress of driving has wiped me out.  I head to my room and curl up on the bed with my lion.  I wish Travis was here.

I wonder how he’s doing as I drift off.

59: Chapter 59

Chap. 59

“Kiri?”

Mmmmm…no.

“Kiri, you should wake up or you won’t be tired enough to sleep tonight.”

Nu-uh.  Don’t wanna.

“Wake up,” the soft voice is insistent.  “Come on.  I’ve got a surprise for you.”

I rub my face into the pillow.  I don’t want to get up.  My brain wakes up a bit and I find that I’m on my stomach.  I’m totally comfortable right now.  I’m not moving.

A hand rubs my back.  “Wake up, Kiri.  You must be hungry by now.  Matthew said you didn’t have lunch today.”

I’ve been hungry before.  Why should now be different?

“Here, Travis.  Try tempting her with this.”

The smell of warm, rich chocolate hits my nose.  Mmmm…yummy…want it.  But do I want it more than I want to stay here?  Maybe if I just look at it, it will be enough.  I force my eyes open.  Mmmm…a warm brownie…it smells divine. 

“Wake up and you can have it,” David teases.

I don’t want to wake up…but my stomach has different ideas.  It voices its displeasure at being teased so mercilessly.

“Ha!  Told ya she was hungry!”

“David, lay off.  Come on, Kiri.  You really do need to get up.  I have a surprise for you.”

I can’t ignore my grumbling stomach anymore.  I force myself to sit up.

“Good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty,” Travis greets me with a kiss.

Yeah, that’s all fine and dandy…where’s my chocolate?

Travis hands me the plate with the brownie as he breaks the kiss.  “You know, I really ought to make you eat something sensible first.”

“Whatsamatter?  Afraid I’ll get fat?” I think I say that with more venom than I intend because Travis flinches.

“That’s not what I meant at all.  I’m sorry if it sounded that way.”

I look down.  “No, Travis…I…I meant it to be a joke.  I guess it didn’t come across that way.  I’m sorry.”

Travis gently lifts my chin.  “I don’t want you to ever feel that you’re fat or ugly.  You are beautiful.”

So can I blame the tears that spring to my eyes on that time of the month? 

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”  Crap.  Now Travis is getting upset.

I quickly brush the tears away and shake my head.  “I’m not.  It’s just…I’ve never had anyone tell me that I’m beautiful before.  With Chase it was…it was always negative.  All I ever heard was how fat, stupid, ugly and lazy I was.”

Travis moves my brownie to the nightstand and sits on the bed next to me and pulls me into his embrace.  David sits on my other side. 

“Chase was a loser who got what he had comin’,” David tells me as he rubs my back.  “It won’t be easy, but you should just try to forget everything he ever told you.”

I stay wrapped in Travis’s arms.  I’m warm, safe and comfortable.  I could sleep some more.  I shut my eyes and just relax.

Travis gives me a gentle shake.  “Hey, don’t fall back to sleep.  You really need to get up.”

“Why?” I mumble.

Travis’s chest rumbles as he chuckles.  “If I told you it would ruin the surprise.”  He kisses me on the forehead and stands up, making me stand up, too.  “Now get ready to go.  I’ll be back in about ten minutes so don’t dawdle.”

I only get ten minutes?  That sucks.  Travis lets me go and leaves.  David starts to follow.

“Hey, David?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

He grins at me.  “Hey better eat that brownie before it gets cold,” he teases as he leaves.

He’s got a point.  I attack the brownie.  SOOOOOooooo good!  Hey, why let something this scrumptious go to waste?  Maybe if I hurry I can sneak into the kitchen and get another one before Travis takes me to see his surprise.

I head out to the kitchen and snitch another brownie.  Yum!  Whoever made these is my new favorite.

“I’ll be sure to tell Sarah you liked the brownies.”

I’m pretty sure I jump ten feet in the air.  I so didn’t see ShÇŽo zhÇ” sitting at the kitchen table, probably because the darn thing is on my blind side.  I’m just lucky I didn’t choke on my bite of brownie.  I swallow it and glare at him.

“You know, I really hate it when you guys do that.”

“Sorry.”  Somehow, he seems really distracted.  I wonder if it has to do with what Colonel Gage told me about Hong Kong being rebuilt, but since I don’t want to bring up any bad memories, I decide not to ask.  Maybe I can ask Travis about it.  I go into the living room.

Travis is chatting with David but stops mid-sentence when I walk in.  “Are you ready, then?”

I nod.  David gets up and gives me a hug.  “Hey, have fun, okay?”

“Um…okay.”

“Don’t be a stranger.”  David lets me go and I see ShÇŽo zhÇ” standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

“Come on, Kiri.  Let’s get going,” Travis says before I can respond to ShÇŽo zhÇ”.  He leads me out to the curb, where Matthew gets out of the car.

“Everything’s all set.”  Matthew comes over and gives me a hug.  “Have fun!” he tells me as he drops the keys into my hand.

He heads back inside and I look at Travis.  “You can’t be serious.  Didn’t he tell you how much I can’t drive?”

Travis grins at me.  “Actually, he said you did really well for your first time and thought you could use some practice.”  He gets into the passenger seat and gestures with his head for me to get behind the wheel.

These stupid soldiers are out to kill me.  Either that or they get some sick thrill out of scaring me to death.  I sigh and climb into the driver’s seat.  I look at Travis.

“You know, it would be better for you to drive since you know where we’re going.”

“I’ll tell you where to go.  Just trust me, okay?”

“It’s your funeral,” I mutter as I buckle up.  Apparently Matthew didn’t see any reason to change the mirrors earlier.  I’m really going to have to get him back for all of this crap he pulls.  Maybe I can enlist David’s help…

“Ready?”  Travis’s question breaks me from my musing.

“Sure…it’s a nice day to get in a car accident.”

“Kiri relax.  You’ll do just fine.  Now, head down this street.  I’ll tell you when to turn.”

I follow Travis’s instructions.  After a bit I begin to think I might actually get the hang of this.

“Now I want you to turn right into that parking lot.  Do you see it?”

I nod and carefully pull into the parking lot.  Travis has me drive up and down the aisles for a bit until he sees a spot for me to try and park in.  I manage it with a 457 point turn.  Yeah…maybe I’m not getting the hang of this.

“You did great, Kiri.  Are you ready for your surprise?”

Okay…but what kind of a surprise could he have for me at the airport?

I unbuckle my seatbelt and reach to open the door when it opens by itself.

“Kirimek!  How wonderful to see you!”

“Torvald!”  I throw my arms around his neck.  “I missed you!”

He chuckles as he hugs me back.  “I missed you as well.  Cathy told us you are talking now and I couldn’t wait to hear it for myself!  You are better now, yes?”

“Yes.  Much better now.”

Torvald sets me on the ground and I turn to see Travis pulling two green suitcases out of the trunk.

“Are…are you going somewhere?”

“Not yet, Kiri.  But you are.”

“What?”  I don’t believe it.  Did I do something wrong?  Is he sending me away because I made him mad?  “I’m sorry.  What…whatever it is I did, I’m sorry.”

“Travis!  You did not tell her?”

Travis looks a little sheepish.  “I wanted it to be a surprise.  I didn’t think she’d take it this way.”  He looks at me.  “The circus is about to start their world tour.  I thought you’d like to join them now rather than waiting until they got back State-side.”

“Then…then I’m not in trouble?”

Travis puts down the suitcases and wraps me in his arms.  “Of course not.  Would you rather wait until they get back?”

I think about this.  I can stay here and be babysat for a few months or I can go with the circus and see the world for the first time.  And maybe, if I go, I can forget some of what happened to me.

“No…I think I’d like to go now.”  I look up at Travis.  “I’ll miss you, though.”

He smiles at me…the smile he should totally use more often.  I might melt into goo.

“I’ll miss you as well.  But I have some things to take care of before I can join up with the circus again and I’m not sure how long that will take.  If I knew, I’d offer to have you wait with me.  This way you won’t miss visiting any of the other continents.”

“Okay…as long as you promise not to forget me,” I tell him.

He laughs.  “I don’t think I could if I tried.”  He gives me a nice, long kiss.  Oh…he’s not making this any easier!

“Come on, let’s get to the plane so they’re not late.”

Torvald takes the suitcases, which are apparently mine, as Travis puts an arm around me and we walk towards the departure gate.

“Where did the suitcases come from?” I ask.

“Matthew thought you could use them.  And you did tell Cathy that green is your favorite color so that’s what he picked out for you.”

“I’ll have to remember to thank him when I get the chance.  They’re very pretty.”  They’re a light green with dark green swirls on them.  I’ll have to take a closer look at them later, but from here, they’re beautiful.

“I’ll be sure to mention it when I see him later.  He’ll be glad that you like them.”

I stop in my tracks as a thought hits me.  “You…you packed all my stuff?”  Like…all of my stuff…underwear and…everything?

He looks at me.  “Matthew and I thought you might not like that, so we asked Sarah to do it when she came over to speak to ShÇŽo zhÇ” while you were asleep.”

Oh good.  I mean…having guys pack up your bras and panties is just embarrassing.  But that reminds me of something. 

“I appreciate your insight,” I tell him.  “I would have had to die of embarrassment.”  I think Travis is laughing on the inside.  “Um…what did Sarah talk to ShÇŽo zhÇ” about?  He seemed a bit…distracted when I talked to him.”

“Oh…”

“If you can’t tell me, it’s fine,” I tell him quickly.  It’s not like it’s any of my business anyway.

“Well, it isn’t that you can’t know.  It’s just that they don’t want it blabbed around.  Sarah might want to tell you herself, but since I don’t know when she’ll be able to see you next, she probably won’t mind if I tell you.”

“Tell me what?”  Seriously, does he have to beat around the bush like that?

“Sarah’s pregnant.”

“Wow!  How did ShÇŽo zhÇ” take it?”

“He told her he was happy, but I think the reality is starting to sink in.  He asked Sarah to marry him, but she told him she wanted to wait until she was sure he wasn’t just marrying her because he got her pregnant.”

“Kind of harsh, but I guess I see her point.  Tell him good luck with that.”

Travis nods.  “Besides that, she isn’t sure she’s ready to be married.  She wants to try living together for a while to make sure they won’t kill each other.”

“So when is she due?”

“I’m not sure.  But I can find out and let you know if you’d like.  I’m sure she’ll be telling Cathy anyway and Cathy’ll be sure to tell you.  Speaking of Cathy, we should get over there before they leave.”

“Travis!  Kiri!  Over here!” 

We turn at Cathy’s voice and we make our way over to the circus’ plane.  They have to have their own in order to get all the animals and equipment across the ocean in one go.  Torvald has already packed my luggage into the cargo bay and is talking to one of the other performers.  Cathy dashes over to me.

“So Kiri, you ready for an adventure?”

I nod.  “I’ve never been outside the US before.”

She grins at me.  “This is going to be so much fun!  You’ll stay with me, of course and I’ll show you everything and you can help me get ready!”

“Um…ready for what?”

“Didn’t I tell you?  Paul and I are getting married!”

“Really?!  That’s great!  I’m so happy for you!  When is it?”

“Well, we haven’t exactly set a date yet.  We’re kind of waiting until we’re sure Travis won’t have Interceptor stuff so he can be there but I don’t mind putting it off because it means I get to go dress shopping in Europe!  Just think…I get to look in Paris and Milan!  Then when I decide what I want for certain, I can order it.  Oh this is going to be so much fun!  I’ve always wanted a little sister to go shopping with and now I get to show you around Europe and just wait until you get your first look at Ireland!  It’s beautiful!”  Cathy keeps talking and I try to keep up with everything she promises to show me.  It’s a bit overwhelming.

“Cathy, relax.  You’ve got plenty of time to tell Kiri everything there is to know about Europe.”

Cathy ducks her head.  “Oops.  Sorry, Kiri.  Didn’t mean to go off like that.  I’m just so excited!  I know I’ve said it before, but this is going to be so much fun!”

“Alright,” Travis butts in again.  “I have to get going.”  He gives Cathy a hug and a peck on the cheek.  “Keep each other safe and I’ll join you as soon as I can.”  He gives me a kiss on the lips.  “Don’t let Cathy run you ragged.  If you get tired of shopping or sight-seeing, just tell her.  She won’t be upset, okay?”

I nod.  “Thank you, Travis.”  I hug him tightly.  “And tell the others thank you for me.  I wouldn’t be here without all of you.”

“You’re welcome.  Now go have fun and I’ll see you soon.”  We let each other go and I watch as he walks back towards the car.  Once he’s out of sight I turn to Cathy and the two of us board the plane.

It’s hard to imagine that just six months ago, I had no future, no dreams, no hope.  Now, I have a family, friends, enough money to live on for the rest of my life, and a new chance at life. 

I’m not going to waste a minute of it.  Look out, World…here I come!

60: Epilogue

Epilogue

I love waking up with that firm, warm body at my back.  I snuggle into it as a kiss lands behind my ear.

Had you told me when I was sixteen that I would ever be this happy, I would have called you a liar.  After I got my GED, I took classes over the internet and got a degree in Accounting.  I help keep track of the Circus’ expenses now.  I still help with the horses.  Johnson finally taught me to ride, but I’m not good enough to build an act around it, which is fine.  I’m not able to ride in this condition anyway.  Travis and Cathy have an awesome act that they do on the high wire.  It makes my heart skip a beat sometimes, but Travis has at least consented to have the safety net in place; something he apparently refused before.  Cathy and Johnson are still happily married.  They have a little girl that throws knives better than I do.  Cathy even jokes that she’s going to be out of a job in two years. 

Roland and David tied the knot three years ago. They’ve put in to adopt a little boy and should hear back in a few days whether they get him or not.  David’s so funny about it.  Ever since I got pregnant he’s been bothering Roland to adopt.  One day, out of the blue, Roland showed up with a photograph and an adoption packet.  Apparently he’d been scouring the country on the sly looking for just the right kid.  And he found him.  The little boy has chestnut hair just like David’s, maybe not as long…yet, and blue eyes like Roland’s.  He looks like he’d be their kid.  David’s been more excited than I’ve ever seen him. 

Sarah and ShÇŽo zhÇ” are finally getting married next month.  They would have done it sooner, but it seems like every time they had a date picked something would happen: there’d be a mission or ShÇŽo zhÇ” would get hurt on a mission and something would go wrong with his recovery.  He almost died a year ago and they decided that as soon as he was recovered enough, they would get married no matter what.  He still walks with a limp, but a few more months of physical therapy will probably help that.  At least he can walk on his own now.  And Colonel Gage has decided to have ShÇŽo zhÇ” removed from the field agent list (which Sarah told me was a big relief) and he will now be more of a consultant and a trainer for new recruits and some special agents.  Their four-year old son is going to be the ring bearer.  He looks just like ShÇŽo zhÇ”, but has more of Sarah’s easygoing personality.  He’s going to be a lady-killer. 

Matthew hasn’t gotten married yet, but Courtney let it slip the last time we talked that he’s taken her out every Friday night for the last three months. 

“Mmmm…Travis…” I purr as he continues down my neck to my shoulder.  I feel him smile against my shoulder.  His hands reach around me and he sits me up, positioning himself behind me and laying me against his chest.  His hands are gentle as they rub my swollen belly. 

It’s been five years since I shot Chase.  Travis and I have been married for two.  And our twin boys are due in three months.  It’s amazing—every time he touches my stomach they both start kicking, clamoring for his attention.  He’s going to be a wonderful father to them.  I move his hands to feel their kicks.  He kisses my neck again.

“You know, that’s what got us into this in the first place,” I tease.

“Do you want me to stop?”  He’s nuzzling my neck now, just how he knows I like it.

“Never.”

He starts kissing me behind my ear again and I turn my head to catch his mouth with mine.  I can’t imagine ever being tired of this.  He’s absolutely wonderful and sometimes I can’t believe he’s mine.  Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t all been perfect.  We’ve had our share of fights and he’s had his own demons to deal with while I’ve tried to deal with mine.  We still have nightmares, but rarely on the same night, so we can help each other through them.  I love being wrapped in his arms.  He teased me once about faking a nightmare just so I could cuddle with him.  Since I knew he was teasing I retorted with, “If that was the only time we cuddled I wouldn’t be pregnant.” 

And then I remembered that I hadn’t told him yet…but that was as good a way as any.  He was thrilled, by the way, and hasn’t quit pampering me since.

“Have I told you how much I love you?” he asks.

“Not in the last five minutes.”

“Then I’m behind.”  He kisses me again.

See what I mean?  Six months pregnant and the size of a beached whale and he’s still turned on.  Given how ardent his kisses are becoming I’m going to have to let you go.  Because what I’m about to do with my husband is none of your business.

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THE END