Sparkatale

Okay. You have a good plot going here and I like the ideas you are trying to install. The first chapter I found a little confusing, it seemed a little bit like you were trying to explain to much too fast. Maybe try working the abilities in through the chapter a bit slower or give a brief but through explanation in one hit? I like this story quite a bit so far and will be following it I just thought you might like to know about chapter one. It was a good chapter it just seemed a bit much to swallow in one go. Also, you asked at the start for any suggestions for replacement names? I though maybe for the benders (I think that's right) you could call them Elementals or some such thing. One last thought was perhaps explaining what exactly the benders do. Do they manipulate the element they control? Or can they create it from nothing? Just a couple of thoughts. All in all I very much liked this story and I hope this little bit of a comment gives you some help. :)

Oh dear lord. Where do I begin?! This story is a captivating read with a brilliant plot. I honestly don't know what to say, you have rendered me speechless, which I can assure you is an amazing feat. I love this story for its emotional depth, the main character is still so afraid of being beaten, or worse.. I especially love Matthew. All in all this story really tickled my fancy and I can't wait for more, please update soon. :)

Okay, so i don't normally read this kind of story but I have got to say this was really really good. The emotional depth you go into is fascinating and the way the story is told is awesome. I felt sorry for the main character, even though you know it's only a fictional person this story still sparks feelings in a person. Great job and I will be looking for more of your stories Britta

Well well. I must say I am very intrigued, Danny. I like this work very very much, and will definitely be looking out for updates! The only thing I will say is the use of the '&' symbol rather then 'and' is slightly off putting, but overall it is a very good read and I can't wait for more. 

Hey, Riarb, thanks for the comment. 

As it happens, I have had a long discussion with my co-author (aka my sister) and she has given me a few points to think on and also inspired some new thoughts, so for just a couple of days, this work is PENDING FURTHER THOUGHT!

Hey, EMI, thanks a bunch for the advice. All of your points are entirely valid, and though I am still working through what I will and won't explain through the chapters, I will definitely take your words to heart :)

I haven't played but DA I can see what you mean a little bit, funny that way XD 

I do intend to do quite a bit of editing at a later date, but at the moment I'm just trying to get this out on paper, or in a document at least, as it has been sitting in my head trying to figure itself out for a few years now, and has had many births and rebirths. XD

 

 

This is looking great so far and I look forwards to reading more. 

 

I liked the flow of this chapter and tha pacing felt natural,  you are quite good at navigating through the various characters and you let each of them sort of speak for themselves, so that the reader could get a feel of the characters and their personalities. There were a few mistakes, nothing major, just a missing words or a grammatical error which you would easily miss. However, one thing I would like to point out is three times in this chapter Keilum is called Callum, just pointing that out. :)

 

Lmao, I've done that too. So embarrassing! XD also, I'm reading your book now, it looks good so far!

Hey, Ernie, thanks a lot! Just want to say, though I realise that I probably didn't make it obvious, Ekaitz is a guy XD 

Hey, Rory, thanks for the feedback! As you can see, I took you advice into consideration and as such have made the obvious changes. :D I hope you continue to like the story. 

And here we have another brilliant chapter. = ) 

Incredible. These are really, really good. Thank you for having such awesome writing. :) I can't wait to see what comes next. 

And 'that' was a beautiful, beautiful finish. I am truly happy with this story and, though I wish I could erase it all from my mind so that I could go back and read it again and feel the same feelings of suspense and happiness and joy as I felt reading through the first time I am content with it how I have it. Thank you so much for such an amazing story I am forever indebted to you. 

Thank you both so much and I am very sorry I didn't reply earlier. :D I am quite new to writing fantasy and so I am not surprised my dialogue leaves a little to be desired as I have really only had experience with sci fi etc before. Thank you again and I hope to have the next chapter up soon. :)

That...explains a lot. ............ME LIKEY!!!!:D just as awesome as ever. That was a good trick Matt, too!

Alright! This is very interesting. I really like what you have going so far and I will be waiting for more. ;) 

L. O. V. E. :) remind me to never mess with Matt and David, that was awesome! :D

Hah! You're hopeful. You should know life likes to be annoying. :D 

Hehe. Thank you for writing such a beautiful story. :D 
I was just wondering if you would be interested in reading my story Marked Book 1: A Darker Power? It is a fantasy so if you don't read that it's so prob. I have the first couple of chapters up but they are undergoing some rewriting so I will hopefully get the new ones up soon. 
Thanks a lot,
LoverofSilentWitness
:D
 

Ah. Much better. But now I want to know if Travis is okay. :( lol. Thanks for updating.  :)

OH MY GOD WOMAM YOU ARE EVIL!!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME???!!! MOOORE!

Alright! She can talk again! I love it. And the thing with Carter was the best. Move. EVER!!

 

:)

 

Cool, thanks for letting me know. I love the new chapters by the way. I really wasn't expecting Carter to show up and throw everything out the window, but that just made it better! XD LOVE IT!!

Dante

Hi there. 

I just wanted to let you know I have uploaded the un-colored draft of the main character. It should show up in your story album now. 

Cheers. 

PS. Yeah, I've changed me name. Used to be Britta Fax but I just love this new name and the character it belongs to so much I had to use it. :)

 

 And you continue to make me love you. *sighs*

I can't get enough if this story and wait eagerly for more. 

:)

Once again this story has grabbed me by the hair and refuses to let go. I love this chapter for the fact that the main character is finally getting some fun in her life. Another great read. 

 

One other thing. I was wondering if you could supply a general description of the main character as I would like to have a go at drawing her. I don't promise it'll be very good but if it doesn't look like a complete failure I will definitely submit it up here. 

 

Loving it,                                      Brit

Thank you 'so' much for updating so soon. 

I love the sister-brother relationship between Travis and Catherine and I'm guessing they were talking about what the main character endured when Johnson showed up?
Still loving this story and can't wait for more. :)
Brit
 

Thank you very much for the advice I will go back over it as soon as I get the chance. Now that I look back at the start of the prologue I see what you mean and I will have a look at changing that in the near future. Unfortunately most of my writing is done with pen and paper and then copied onto the computer so it may take a while. 

 

But thank you very much for your help as, obviously, I am only just starting out with my own original works. I will just have to wait and see where this takes me. :)

Thanks a lot

Britta.