Chapter 1
The night was dark , cold , and so silent , except for the sound of the rain drops hitting the concrete ground , while the partial moon is shining on the wet street making it look like a mirror reflecting the emotions and fears of all those walking over it , a pale looking middle aged man wearing a big rain coat , holding a brown umbrella and walking in fast steps towards the end of the street trying to avoid the watery spots of the street , until he got to a door with a sign that says " Doctor Olrik Clinic ", he pushed the door violently as if he was afraid of the rain , as if he is escaping it , a woman that works there was looking at him kind of scared said " Mister Oconner ? are you alright " thats when the man was trying to close the umbrella , and taking off his wet rain coat while he is coughing replied " Am fine ... am ... am fine " stuttering and walking as if he was running a marathon , hardly breathing with his pale face and his bug out eyes , he didnt look alright , he looked not rested and was in a big amount of pain , the man added " would you please tell doc am here please Diane ?" the woman was so worried she picked up the phone in a hurry and said " Doctor Olrik am sorry to bother you during the session but Gabriel is here and he doesnt look so good " as Gabriel was taking a napkin out of his pocket and wiping his wet forehead , thats when he heard a loud baby cries scattering along the hallway ,
Gabriel put his palms around his ears and started screaming " No no not here too , why do they cry all the fucking time why ? i hate babies " the woman looked at him saying " calm down mister Oconnor , the doctor will be with you in a minute just bear with me please " , he started feeling dizzy , his body felt so heavy , he lost control of his entire body then fell on the counter with his chin which made him black out instantly .
Gabriel opens his eyes slowly , then notices he is not home , he gets up with a painful headache and a patch around his chin , on the calm sound of an old man saying " You scared us you know ? why did you exhaust your self like that Gabriel ? " , Hearing this he gets up quickly from the bed he is on eager to talk then started saying " Docor Olric , you gotta help me , please describe me something to stop this madness , i started reading these articles about people who has similar situation as me , here " then he pulls a bunch of papers and printed pages of magazine articles that are all wet cause of the rain he was walking under , he filled the entire bed with water he was looking so paranoid going through the scraps of papers trying to show him , while Doctor Olric was focused on his face looking at the way he was looking desperate and sad , a person in need of help , thats when Olric held his wrist and says " Stop Gabriel , Stop " gabriel stopped on that awkward moment looking at doctor olric's face then he tried once more saying " no no you dont understand , look at this man for example , he didnt sleep for over 2 weeks and then he ..." thats when Olric said in a louder voice " Gabriel youre are never gonna find the solution to your condition in a magazine "then added " what you are having is a huge pile of stress over your shoulders , its not something a pill or a dosage of a drug can heal , thats why you are having blackouts about events that occurred in the past , and events that happened recently like why your wife and daughter left you " then Gabriel Slammed his hands on the papers he brought with him and threw it on the ground screaming " Dont say that they left me~ , they didnt leave me doctor, they didnt , they will be back soon after they know i didnt do it , i didnt have an affair Doc , mary and sarah will be back " then he got up quickly , the doctor tried to calm him down by looking at him and saying " everything will be alright man just set down " thats when Gabriel started heading towards the door , then he looked back at the doctor and said " Please doc , please , make them stop , even the baby of my neighbors is screaming and crying all night long its impossible for me to sleep , ive been like this for about a week now , i cant take it anymore doc , i cant ".
thats when Doctor Olric shook his head and walked to the medical cabinet and took out a small bottle with some white pills on it and said " here , take a pill of of these every night ok , after you eat something dont take them on an empty stomach , but dont over-use them , only once a night you hear ? " Gabriel's face turned shiny , a big smily came to that pale looking face as he was scratching his beard looking at the doctor not hearing a word he is saying , he was just looking at the bottle dreaming about tonight ,he is finally gonna sleep , a goodnight sleep is all he wanted for a long time , thats when his day dreaming was interrupted when he snapped out of it by the doctor saying in an intimidating voice " You hear or not ? " thats when Gabriel knew all whats between him and that bottle is a " Yes yes ...i do " he said without a moment of hesitation or even caring about what the doctor said , then when he handed the bottle to him he grabbed it ,walked with hasty footsteps towards the clinic door when the woman at the entrance said " Mister Oconner , your coat " he went back real quickly , grabbed the coat and the umbrella smiling then started running towards the street .
2: Chapter 2
Chapter 2
the sky was still raining Gabriel didnt care this time cause he didnt have those papers he was afraid they'd get we on him anymore , he felt so happy because he thought he has the salvation on his pocket this time , he stepped on a big hole on the street ground filled with water yet he didnt care , on the other side of the street as he glanced he stopped for a second on the scene of 3 people , a family of a father , a mother and their little daughter , they were walking with umbrellas and laughing enjoying their time , Gabriels face turned pale again as he envied them , he remembered his family that he doubts he will ever get to see again , then as the rain got harder and the thunder roared so loudly he remembered his situation and he wanted to get home before he collapses again , he turned into a small street then got to a park , went across the park to get to a 6 floor building .
when he entered the main building hall he saw a man , a little fella with a mustache " Hello Donald " Gabriel said , " Oh hey Gabe whats up brotha " answered the man , then Gabriel said " listen , will you please ask the New Neighbors to try and keep the baby's voice a little down , he cries all the time and some of us cant sleep you know " then he looks at Donalds and that when donald Mumbled to himself " yeah maybe some of us cant sleep cause they are drunk , u need some sleep you bastard " Gabriel asked " you said something ? " then donald responds saying " Nah , i dont know them much yet but to be honest i dont think they have a baby maybe some other neighbors are , ill check it dont worry " then he looked at him rolling his eyes while Gabriel was going up the stairs , he got to his apartment i the 6th floor , it has an old brown door with the number "21" written on it , he grabbed his keys and opened the apartment , the door was a huge old one , it made a real creepy sound when it opened , then he got in and closed the door , he took off his shoes really quick because they were so wet , and also his socks he threw them on the floor he is in a hurry , it was an old looking one room apartment with a small kitchen and a tiny bathroom ,he grabbed a cup of water and then head back to the bed quickly , he didnt even change his clothes he was too eager and hungry for sleeping finally , he took the bottle out of his pocket then took out the pill , drank the water smiling while the water was dripping off his beard , as he swallowed the pill and drank all the water cup , he then layed his back down on the bed closing his eyes really slowly , and like a flame when you put it out with water, real quickly looking at the doodle his daughter drew for him on his 43th birthday two years ago of her holding his hand with a house behind them smiling , and inside the house window there was a small empty baby cradle that he always wondered whos cradle is it , while this thought was moving slowly around his head he started closing his eyes so calmly for the first time in a long long time .
just to be disturbed by his clock alarm he barely opened his eyes to close the alarm tried to feel it with his fingers to go back to sleep , he pushed the button noticed the clock was 5:20 am , how did he sleep all this time so fast he wondered , then he started hearing these weird knocks , they seemed like knocks on a glass surfece not a wooden one , and the door was the other way so , he looked at the window , thats when he noticed the windows is open a bit , he got up closed it lazily trying to go back to sleep again but he noticed as he went back to bed that the knocks didnt stop yet , he got up on loud screams of a baby , it seems like someone's in pain , he went to the door and started yelling "will you feed that fucking baby already ? why do you get married in the first place if you cant take care of your babies you maggots ?" then kicked the door with his foot , strange thing is the baby crying stopped when he did this , he smiled weirdly saying " haha! if i knew this would work i wouldve done it a while ago " then as he looks back the knocks are still there , he was looking around the room trying to know the source of them he saw they are coming from the corner of the room , the room was dark and he didnt want to open the lights cause he was planning to go back to sleep and he was happy he slept so he couldnt compromise that , he started walking towards the corner when the knocks started to get closer and closer , thats when he finally noticed something not logical , the knocks werent coming from something he expected to make a noise , the knocks were actually coming from the mirror , " what the hell ? " Gabriel said with a shaky voice , he started walking towards the mirror seeing his shape reflecting on it wondering when did he get so thin , feeling sorry for himself that the lack of sleep has made him like this , the closer he get to the mirror the clearer he started to realize something horrible , something that froze the blood on his veins , he realized that whoever in the mirror isnt him , its the reflection of a woman's shape , a white skinned woman with a short dark hair , and when he finally got to the mirror he felt so cold as whoever that entity looked back at him then he saw her dry lips mumbling something , he got closer and closer to see it clearly as she said it in whispers " Why ?" then she jumped right through that mirror on Gabriels body grabbing him and screaming " Why Why Why" thats when Gabriel flinched and his face became terrified when started pushing her and screaming " Leave me alone , what do you want leave me alone " in a scared tone .
3: Chapter 3 (The End)
Chapter 3
As she put her rotten nails through his neck and was muffling his mouth with the other hand Gabriel was looking at her face terrified , that face wasnt a face of a human , not alive at least , it came clear to him that she is someone dead , "how the hell is that possible ?"he thought to himself , all those stories he read as a kid about dead people coming back to life werent just fiction , thats the thought that was running through his head as he was trying to escape her while he was on his back on his own apartment floor , thats when he heard her saying that again " Why why ? " all of a sudden a loud noise came through the entire room , sounds like his clock alarm again but this time was louder , the sound started to get louder and louder thats when Gabriel woke up on the alarm screaming " No no , why me what did i ever do ... " then he looked around , he was sweaty and the entire building was so silent , as he looked at the window it was still raining outside so badly , the alarm was still buzzing so he reached out his hand to turn it off thats when a scary look was drawn on Gabriel's face , the time was 5:20 am again which reminded him of that dream , then he was so relieved that it was just a dream .
he got up , went to the kitchen and got a cup of water , then stood infront of his daughter sarah's old doodle , he started moving his fingers on the words written on the drawing saying " Best dad ever " as he was looking closely at the drawing he teared up , it was a tear of pain and agony , he was wondering when did his life turn so dark and so misplaced , thats not how he pictured his future would be when he was a 25 year old man graduating college looking at life with an optimistic point of view , he then wiped his lonely tear with his fingers and started heading back to bed , the time was 5:25 am this time so he smiled and looked at the mirror , he saw himself then talk looking at the mirror as if he was talking to another person saying " Just sleep you silly " for a couple of seconds everything was so silent , until a knocking similar to that of the dream started , he then looked back to see the window open and its banging back and forth because of the wind outside , went to close it but as he got close he noticed the rain is stopping slowly and the light has started to come as he started seeing the morning this pretty for the first time in a long long time , he opened the window wide and started looking outside to see the ray of sunshine coming slowly as the first lights of morning was coming out , reflecting on everything slowly it appeared to him as a little child dancing and playing freely on the roads , trees and buildings , it gave him peace for a couple of seconds , everything was pretty and peaceful .
he thought to himself the nightmare is over finally , and now ill start living my life in a better way , as his pale darkened eyes were watching the pretty scene he started feeling a little cold , he was happy so he didnt bother untill he heard it , he herd a small whispery voice from behind him whispering to his ear " why ? " his eyes turned big when he tured behind and he saw her face again , this time it was different , cause somehow he new her, he was looking at her hedius torn out face and said " C..Ca ... Cathrine " thats when he pushed back tying to get away from her , wondering why the hell does he know her face then it all went unexpectedly wrong when he stepped on one of his wet socks from earlier , his foot became slippery and the next thing he knew his entire waste was on the window and his head is outside , he screamed "No no no " only to know its too late , that same pretty scene from earlier is different now because he is looking at it upside down now falling from the 6th floor , from his own window ,he started falling out of the window wondering "is that it ? , or maybe this is another dream " he thought to himself "am i gonna see sarahs face again ?" all of these questions started rushing to his head , as he was falling the last thing he has seen is that womans face , then a rush of memories started coming to his head , he saw it , he realizes it now , he saw himself speed driving home on a red car drunk , he was coming back from meeting another woman at some cabin outside town , he was so confused and was driving fast between the farm roads trying to get home as quick as he can so his wife wont find out about his absence and knows about the affair he was having , the car was wobbly , and it went out of control , next thing he knew the car hit something on the road , he stopped but didnt get out of the car , popped his head out of the window to see a woman with her baby .
he looked at her and said " C... Ca ... Cathrine ? " he knew the woman , she started crying to loudly cause her baby was drowning in a pol of his blood not breathing , she looked at him with terrified eyes , she was shaking and crying then said "My baby , you killed him , Why ? "thats when Gabriel thought if he took her to the hospital his wife would know he was on this spot out of town at this time which will destroy everything , he started closing the windows slowly while he was hearing her screaming "why why why ? " he remembered her , she is "Cathrine Bates" they went to high-school together as he was leaving he heard her crying so loudly in pain , it appeared to be that she cant move , he figured he broke her back or something , he is not doctor but since someone is not moving this is the first conclusion anyone would jump to ,she was paralyzed yet she was crawling with her hands trying to take her dead baby away from the street , so he put the car into full speed and he ran home and he never looked back , the flash ended , all of this happened in a split second as if she is reminding him of what she endured because of him , and how he ruined her life and killed her and her baby , cause she died the same night and was found freezing hugging her dead baby , she might've been saved with her baby if he stopped that night , everything wouldve changed ,but no ,Gabriel died that night , and the doctors noticed something weird , the cause of death wasnt him falling from the window and hitting the concrete ground from the sixth floor as the police reports said , the cause of death was a heart attack , he died of fear ,his heart stopped before even hitting the ground , Gabriels little apartment is still open until this day , no one has rented it yet , they say they hear a laughter of a baby from inside of the apartment with the weird knocking on the window and the alarm sounds going off at 5:20 am
Comments must contain at least 3 words
Chapter: 1
Immediately upon looking at your first chapter, a number of things spring forward that need to be addressed. (Don't worry they are minor details, but readers will be more likely to continue reading your story if they were removed/changed.)
- First of all, I felt the some of your sentences were very long "The night was dark , cold , and so silent , except for the sound of the rain drops hitting the concrete ground , while the partial moon is shining on the wet street making it look like a mirror reflecting the emotions and fears of all those walking over it , a pale looking middle aged man wearing a big rain coat , holding a brown umbrella and walking in fast steps towards the end of the street trying to avoid the watery spots of the street , until he got to a door with a sign that says " Doctor Olrik Clinic "​" You should study other people's work and pay close attention to how they use commas ( , ) and full stops. ( . )
- You misspelled "I'm " as "am" throughout the chapter.
- in my opinion ( and you can choose to ignore this if you want as this is subjective) you should start a new line whenever someone different speaks.
Example: "Hey!" Person A began.
"Hello to you too!" Person B responded. "How are you today?"
"I'm doing pretty well thank you."
it just makes the chapter look more appealing to the reader, and you would be surprised how fuzzy readers can be when it comes to details like this.
But please do keep it up! I'll be sure to comment on the content of your story at some point.
January 31, 2015 | Deleted User
Hello and thank you so much for taking the time to come and check my humble short story , this is my first time writing and i know it has some mistakes but am really trying to fix it as much as i can , thank you so much for your support and am going to do my best to work on those minor mistakes you pointed out .
Looking forward to seeing your next replies when you read the rest of the chapters until then you take care
Peace
February 16, 2015 | Mohannad ilkarbal@gmail.com