Sparkatale

So I thought this was a pretty good setup. I like how you stated there was a computer that recorded everything Frost did. So I'm guessing that the third person is the computer observing Frost? If that's the case, you should tighten up your narrative a bit, and make it more emotionless. Computers aren't known for having emotions or if they do, they don't understand them that well. Unless your computer is different, I haven't met it yet so I don't know. I like your summary a lot too. It tells me exactly what the story is about, but also makes me want to read more. What I would prefer, is not having a summary embedded into the story. You could take it out of the beginning of the first chapter and be perfectly fine. If you're using your summary as a hook, you might want to write a different hook for the actual story. I like Frost as a character too. She seems very capable and smart. But I don't know much about her yet. So far, she's just a girl with survival skills and compasses. Judging by your writing level, I'm definitely sure that you'll flesh her out, you just haven't done that yet. Overall pretty good. You manage to show more than you tell, and you've created interest with the computer/black boxes. Good job and happy writing!

Thank you for the comment! I need other peoples' opinions, should I keep it at just Frost and T1, or should I bring in more characters? I am having some serious indecision on this.

You should only add characters if they add something to the story. Adding character's just for the hec of it is never good. If you feel that Frost and T1 accomplish what you want, then keep it just them. If you feel like you need another character to accomplish what you want, them add one. It's your choice, but don't just add people. If you randomly decide to make a million characters, chances are they will be flat and pointless. Hope that helped!

I enjoyed this story of Frost, and the computer was a very good idea. Your very good at writing science fiction, and I hope you keep on writing. Hey if this ever becomes a book please tell me, thank you.

Thank you for commenting! I need opinions, should I keep it at just Frost and T1, or bring in more characters? I am facing major indecision on this . . .

Decent start so far. The post-humanity setting feels pretty run-of-the-mill, but I do enjoy the budding friendship between survivor girl and a computer. Charming how an ordinary, cold item can almost feel like a person or a friend. I'd like to see this tale continue! :)

Thank you! I need opinions, should I keep it at just Frost and T1, or bring in more characters? I am facing lots of indecision.