Sparkatale

I finally get to review the sequel!

My first impression is positive. The opening chapters started not so epic for the fist one in the book, but the nice flashback explaining how Bianca became a ghost made me change my mind - it's fine. I'm pleasantly surprised that the narrator was Bianca (as a girl I feel satisfied). I hope she'll play a bigger part in the story.

I noticed that the narration is slightly different - it's still first person, but past tense now. I find it more enjoyable and more fluent.

This chapter lacked the wacky humor from Hunting Amaatlik, and it makes me wondering if the style of the book would be different.

Now about the content. Being a young aunt must be weird ;-) Bianca has some "un-aunt-like" problems with the boys. The way she described her heart problems to Alex seemed a bit awkwardly worded - I have the impression that the girls don't say it like that. Other than that, no complaints here.

The flashback was a real treat, it made me feel really sorry for Bianca. It was also a nice trick to make the character likeable in a flash.

Oh my, Jason fell in Bianca's love trap - Alex tricked him into consuming the love potion!

First, I'm glad that Jason's POV is as amusing as it was in Hunting Amaatlik. I would miss it. Anyway, the chapter was light and humorous - it's a very relaxing way to start a book and feels a bit like a romantic comedy right now. The dialogs were well-written and I adored the moment, Alex corrected Jason when he called biscuits cookies. It was a great link to the previous chapter.

I hope this conclusion isn't premature, but I'm getting the impression as if the quality of your writing is better than in Hunting Amaatlik. The dialogs seem to be better thought out.

I want to do some disco ball divination too! Michael's POV was so gloomy, that I began suspecting, he's suffering from Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. Probably it's true, given what he's been through. Anyway, I liked how you summarized what happened to the other important characters (Calvin, Xavier and his parents) - it was very brief, but it served its purpose.

According to my newest theory, Amisto is evil. It's strange how Amaatlik was telling Michael that all good people are evil, leaving Amisto out of it... definitely suspicious. Anyway, don't give me any spoilers please.

It's sad that Jason suddenly lost his love for Bianca. The solution with the love potion isn't the best and I'm curious how it will play out. I think Bianca has no clue that Alex gave the love potion to Jason. Will she notice that something is off? She would have to be as dumb as her potential boyfriend not to notice.

Technical issues: I believe you called Amisto "Amaatlik" once (near the end of the chapter).

It's nice to hear from you again =) Thanks for the reviews. You sure did put a lot of thought into them.

Yeah, Bianca isn't very realistically characterized...probably because I'm not a girl. Or a human at all. So if you have any tips let me know.

Just a warning, the next two chapters are reversed. Knowing that won't spoil anything, it's just to avoid confusion. You'll see what I mean.

I'll get back to reading your story now. Thanks again =)

What a nice chapter. It was quite light and pleasant to read.

I'm glad you tied the loose ends quickly - I mean the stuff about Bianca not being able to leave the place of her death and her visit on the island. Moreover, having a character, who is a ghost, is a terrific idea. I enjoy Bianca's POV the most, because of the tine details about her life as a ghost.

The beast-situation was more amusing than scary, especially when the beasts were so dumb to reveal their weakness (almost). In that part of the chapter I got the impression that "freaked out" was used too frequently - you might want to take a look and see if you could replace it with a synonym.

Jason's ideas to woo Bianca were quite cliche and juvenile, but I guess, that is expected of the teenagers ;-) I wonder if Jason will succeed in his newest mission to revive Bianca. Considering that the title of the book has a necromancer in it, the plot will get interesting and perhaps a little dark.

Now that was... odd. However, it was odd in a positive way. I expected Jason to be like himself, only madly and artificially in love. I didn't suspect that he'll get a split personality from drinking the love potion, but that's an interesting twist. I wonder how Jason will wriggle himself out of this weird situation.

The view on love was interesting, but a bit mortifying for people in love. Am I going to die?! That was amusing. Now a pop-culture alert! Did Shakespeare live somewhere near Draida? Did those people read his works or see them performed on a stage? If not, a reference to Romeo and Juliet shouldn't be there - it's a nasty fantasy trap.

"(he failed to bring Bianca's sister, Alexander, back)" I thought Alexander was Bianca's brother.

I also don't think that they have GPS or satellites in Draida, so Michael mentioning GPS was weird.

Overall it was a fine chapter with a bit of grim foreshadowing at the end - it looks like the solely amusing part is going to end soon and the villain of the book will finally appear.

The scene with Michael, Amisto and disco ball was very good and humorous. The rest of the chapter was dynamic and the "evil twin" reference made me laugh for some reason. For now, the chapters are way better than "Hunting Amaatlik" - the structure is better, they're more consistent. Thumbs up!

Looks like I have a lot of editing to do! =) I'll have to remove a lot of the references in there. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote these chapters. Thanks a lot for the reviews, I'm glad I have someone to point out all those embarrassing mistakes.

Another nice chapter.

It was quite a treat for me as it featured my favorite character. It was a bit weird (but also interesting) that Mickey and Bianca found Skylos in a shelter. Seriously, who puts a talking sailor dog in shelter? Anyway, it's nice that he joined the team.

It's somewhat easy to resurrect someone in your book - honestly, I expected Jason to go on a quest of some sorts, team up with some evil necromancer or at least to perform an overly complicated ritual. Oh, well, Bianca is alive now. Good for her.

I feel sorry for Michael. He's the reasonable one, he does his best and he gets little recognition. At least Bianca stopped calling him Jason's sidekick - that was harsh.

It's amusing that the characters actually know about the novel; the jokes were much funnier that way.

It's great that the old characters are coming back. Now that Calvin is about to reappear, I'm still waiting for Xavier - he was a nice kid.

Although I don't expect Skylos or Calvin to betray Michael at this point, I'm almost sure I'm wrong. Usually when everything seems nice and clear in your novel, something happens that makes me say a confused "Eh?"

Maybe someone else is messing with Jason and Michael? There is a villain in this story, right? I suspect he'll show up after a half of the chapters, like Amaatlik.

That was wonderfully messed up - Anthony seemed to be good. Then it turned out he's a bad pirate only to reveal that he's good Skylos. And all in only a couple of paragraphs. Nice twist; I was wondering what was wrong with Anthony, but I didn't expect him to be Skylos.

At the beginning of the chapter Bianca used the word "stupid" twice and it sounded a bit repetitive, as though her vocabulary was very limited.

So far, Michael is my favorite character (except Skylos). He's pretty smart, has no so common common sense and I find it easy to relate to him. In fact, I relate to him more than to Bianca, who is a girl (!). At this point in the novel, Bianca is quite naive and sometimes a little dumb. I think she would make a perfect match with Jason.

I do admit that I have problems with repetition, as shown in the last chapter and in the description. I'm glad you like Skylos being reintroduced.

You'll see why the ritual was easy for Jason later in the series (he used duct tape) and I figured that Bianca would be a little...dumb...due to just being risen from the dead and facing the shock of her possible future boyfriend dying. I'm sorry if you think this is sexist or something (because she's the only girl), I'm not trying to be =)

Like I said, if you have any tips or suggestions let me know and also if you don't like a chapter. I value honesty over sugarcoating.

Thanks a lot for the reviews and have a nice day.

Hmm... zombies may have some brain damage.

Don't worry about the sugarcoating; once I find something I don't like, I'll let you know. So far the book is pretty good, considerably better than the previous one.

Hmm... I have mixed feelings about this chapter. Maybe it's because I read Hunting Amaatlik very recently, but the summary of the entire book no 2 felt redundant to me. Usually, when people read sequels, more or less they remember what happened in book no 1. The previous chapters were interesting, filled with bizarre action and humor. They matched each other, whereas this chapter is odd (and not in the good way). The summary wasn't very attention-grabbing and it made the pace slow down (up to this point, it was very good). I'm sorry to say this, but this chapter bored me. I was under the impression that you threw it here as a filler, because you wanted to have a nice number of chapters and you were one chapter short and out of ideas.

Sorry if I was harsh, but you wanted honesty.

You were a little harsh, but not in a completely bad way =) While I am writing for confidence, I hate it when people say that books are perfect. It's like suggesting that the books so terrible that he or she feels bad and must comfort the author. Or maybe I have a lot of imagination. I know this chapter is pretty bad. Thanks for being honest.

I don't remember why I wrote the chapter this way, it was a long time ago. The chapters were supposed to be an exact number like in Hunting Amaatlik, but that obviously won't happen. So it wasn't a filler, I try to respect the reader =)

Suggestions are still welcome if you would like to offer some.

Yay! There is action at the end of the chapter.

Overall, this chapter was surprisingly serious compared to its predecessors, but I liked it nonetheless. It served well explaining why Michael is such a gloomy party pooper in the sequel (even more than in the first novel). The dialog between him and Bianca was really good and sounded naturally.

Skylos is awesome as usually. When he told the others to start writing their wills, I laughed - for some reason it was funny.

What caught my attention - the captain of Kraken is quite a nice man. Proposing marriage to Bianca is a very generous offer given the circumstances. Your world has no real threats to girls, huh? Well, it's a nice change from the real one.

I wonder what intentions the shady lady from the graveyard has. Mary seems to be a nice and helpful person, but I don't quite trust her. Actually, after the mess with Amaatlik, I don't trust any new characters in this novel. Gosh, I'm behaving just like Michael - I really can relate to him. Anyway, I can't shake off the feeling, that Bianca will have to learn the lesson to stop being so naive.

What intrigued me was the middle of nowhere. Is it a place or is it more like being thrown to another dimension? I guess I'll have to read more chapters than planned, because that was a nice cliffhanger - good job.

Now about the novel in general (at least about the first part of it). It surprised me that Jason is not the hero of this book - instead, the protagonists are Bianca and Michael. It's strange, but refreshing and I have positive feelings toward the idea.

As for the chapter, I complained about, it doesn't fit well into the surrounding chapters. Of course, you're the author, but I'll be daring to present my suggestion - you can throw it out and there won't be any damage to the plot.

I absolutely agree with Michael's way of thinking about Bianca and untrustworthy people.

The development with the bones is a bit weird, but I quite like it. I wonder if the orisk will be good or bad. Or maybe it will appear good, will help the kids, but in the end it will turn out, it's evil. That way Bianca will learn her lesson about not trusting everyone. Somehow I really want her to get a wake-up call - she's a bit like all those reckless girls, who don't listen to others and then get pregnant with some douchebag's babies. I hope Bianca won't end up like this.

Anyway, it was a nice chapter. So far, I don't have any major complaints. The writing style is rather good, the pacing excellent and the plot interesting. It's good to have a female character this time.

Huh? What connection does the orisk have to Michael? Why the heck is he treating Mikey like some king? Hmm... Maybe Joe is someone from Hunting Amaatlik. My first suspect was Xavier, but Bianca mentioned, the bones didn't belong to a human, what leaves not many creatures. Calvin? I doubt Calvin would act so obsequiously toward Mickey. Crapbaskets, I feel like a detective, who sucks at work.

Anyway, it's very nice of Joe to help them. I was already expecting this, but I'm still feeling suspicious that skeleton. I didn't forget Mary - she's shady as well. I wonder if Odon is a good direction.

I loved the idea for the narration in this chapter, although it's the first time something like this happened (I suspect you're not planning on making Lizabeth a regular character like Calvin or Skylos). I have a weakness for this "outsider's POV", so I found it interesting and entertaining, especially when Micheal got labeled as a "brother".

It was also a fine way to remind your readers that there is a character named Noah. Actually, he intrigues me the most. You introduced him somewhere near the end of Hunting Amaatlik and I expected him to play a vital role in the Necromancer's Curse. Instead, there were only a couple of references to him. I wonder if he's going to be a regular character like Bianca or if he'll only make a brief appearance. My other suspicion is that he'll be very important in the third novel (will there be a third novel?). Anyway, I still remember him.

I'm glad you like the chapters, and that you're thinking the way I want the reader to think (miiind controoool). I should clear up that I used "the middle of nowhere" figuratively. They drifted away from Port Barcos and where in the middle of the ocean to the west of Barcos.

I'll take your suggestion for that other chapter, I wasn't sure whether or not I should keep it.

Thanks a lot for the review, I hope you have a lovely day.

First of all, Bianca told Michael about Mary, even though she was hesitant to do that before. It's a bit weird - he didn't even ask, who Mary was. Michael was far too calm about Bianca's idea to listen to some suspicious lady.

Second one, setting her misadventure with dying at 16 aside, Bianca should be 46 now. That's not so old. My mom is much older and she still remembers how her friends from high school looked like. It's not as if Bianca was a century older than everyone around ;-)

Having the characters read the book about themselves is odd, but funny. I wonder who the mysterious villain might be. My best guess is Noah. He has to have some vital role in the book and he'd make a fine evil guy.

Oh, overall the chapter was good. There wasn't much action, it was rather slow-paced, but still entertaining.

I loved how Bianca blurted out that Jason is her boyfriend, and Michael corrected her right away. It was hilarious!

The idea with going on the library quest was great - I always enjoy search for knowledge instead of beating the needed information out of someone. The Odom...ians (how do you call the citizens of Odom?) are a strange folk, like fairies. I mean... they like books! More, the little kids are excited to read them. Wow, is this heaven? Anyway, I liked it quite a lot.

Now enough with the sugarcoating. In this chapter, the plot is still interesting and funny. However, the pace starts to slow down and the excitement about the book plummets. So far, it was very good. The first chapters of NC started lightly, gradually building the tension. Afterwards, there was a lot happening and I found myself glued to the screen of my laptop, for the chapters were intense. Now the pace is dropping. If it's only for one or two chapters, it's fine, but if it's for more than that, the readers' interest may plummet as well.

What a funny chapter!

Right from the start, Xavier was super creepy (the comment about Bianca being hot, later about her being smart enough not to trust him). It seems to me that the twelve-year old boy (sorry, he's fourteen) is driven by hormones ;-) I just hope he doesn't end up as a rapist...

The narration in this chapter was extremely awkward, in a teenage-crush fashion. Plus, it was confusing at times, because Xavier wanted to mess with the readers. It was unusual, but distinctive.

The news from Draida got me interested. I knew about one zombie, but why are zombies all over the place? Did the necromancer go wild and ventured on some zombie-making spree? I suspect that Bianca's and Michael's mission will be about a little more than just Jason's life. Perhaps they'll have to prevent the "zombification" of Draida's inhabitants.

Anyway, that was a good chapter - I'm curious what new info Calvin has. One more thing - how are the next chapters doing?

I'm glad you like it. Sorry about the low quality at some parts, I've been a little busy lately. I'll fix them later and keep writing next week, during the school break (you might call it holiday, Americans call it break).

I told you in the last reply that the ocean is to the west, but that's a lie. It's actually to the east.

One thing I would especially like your opinion on is whether or not I should make NC and the next three books (it's going to be about 6 books long including HA) about individual mini-adventures or all four main characters together for the whole of all four books. I was originally thinking about having them together because it could get boring with each one having their own story. The problem is that it could get tiring if I try it with narrations from all the different characters, and having them all work together while not being partial. I recently found a way to make it so they can each have a story focused mainly on them. All four will be in all four books, but not doing much in all but their own. I'm still hesitant as, like I said, this way things could get boring. Let me know which way you would prefer, of which one you think would be better for the story, unless you think they could both work.

Thanks for the review, I'll get back to reading yours soon when I have some free time.

I'm not sure if I grasped, what you were trying to convey. How those separate adventures could be related to the plot's timeline? If each of them covers different timeline as the events progress, it will work out. However, if you're going to describe the same adventure from different POVs in each of the books, it's bound to get repetitive and boring.

Plus, the books with a single POV tend to be a little dull - it limits the extent of things you can describe, if you don't use third person omniscient (that's not the case in your books). Having multiple POVs is also entertaining, because the way, multiple characters tackle the same problem can be amusing.

I liked the way your books are constructed at the moment. Both in HA and NC there were 2 major characters and a handful of supporting ones. The interactions between the 2 leads were fun to read, and readers could choose between them, who they relate to the most. Moreover, the supporting characters brought life to the story.

Good chapter - no complaints here.

The moment, Liz told Mikey that Bianca is with Xavier, was hilarious.

As usual, Michael is easy to relate to, even though he's horribly pessimistic. I imagine, he'd be a very annoying friend. I think, I'd prefer to have Jason as my best buddy - it would be much more funny, although probably dangerous.

Liz seems like a very nice lady. There is something mother-like about her, that instantly makes her likable, even though she's weird at times. I still wonder how exactly Noah will get linked to the story (I suspect, he's the main antagonist of the story). In the first book you accented his presence, so he has to be important for the plot one way or another despite him appearing rarely.

Now this chapter was great! There was some exciting action. I know that Bianca will be saved (the heroines always get saved), but the situation is pretty tense anyway.

Xavier was definitely the hero of this chapter. The first sentence was fabulous already - with Xavier smiling while panting. You brought out the full extent of his creepiness expertly. It was convincing and very amusing. Fun fact - while reading the previous chapter, I looked forward to reading about Xavier in this one. Moreover, you portrayed Bianca's reaction to Xavier's slightly alerting behavior very well. Although I relate to Michael more, in this chapter I was in tune with Biance. While reading, I was under the impression, as if I was riding the same elevator with a molester.

Anyway, I want more Xavier. Currently, he replaced Skylos and became my favorite character.

This chapter was a bit odd - it was Xavier's Pov, but I got the impression that Michael was the hero of the chapter (but don't change anything about it! It turned out well). At the beginning he even got a cool, manly moment, but he ruined it by brooding. Oh well, it would be against his character not to get slightly depressed, so it's fine.

Michael's reactions got me thinking about the possible outcome of this mission though. He started disliking Bianca, but now he tolerates her presence and worries about her. Hmm... Maybe I should stop spotting romance possibilities everywhere.

The ending was very surprising and dramatic. If I were not so sleepy, I would gasp. It was fantastic!

Finally, this dire moment came!

Bianca got her wake-up call and realized some important things. I had to wait a bit for it, but I hope that now, that she's probably smarter than before, Bianca will be able to make the right decisions based on reason. What I not wish, is for her to become like Michael - pessimistic and somewhat bitter.

I think, for Bianca this mission will be an image of growing up - usually it works that way. We're fully grown up when he stop having an idealistic, distorted image of reality and we finally realize that life consists mainly of problems.

Selena reminds me a bit of Ariel (Disney) with that nice attitude of hers, having an intimidating daddy and a bunch of sisters.

About the last paragraph, I don't think it's Selena. It's Calvin.

Huh. I'm a bit confused here. It turns out, my theory about Alex was wrong...? Like Michael, I thought that Alex wanted to make Bianca happy by giving Jason love potion. But he didn't. Oh well, NC is starting to get like a suspense book, where not everything is like it seems. It's a little like Hunting Amaatlik in this aspect - up to certain point, everything is clear and logical, but then it turns out it was a lie. Anyway, I'm a fan of unexpected turn of events, so I like your plot twists.

For some reason, Amisto irritates me. It's probably, because he treats everyone, as though he's far better than them (and he's rude to Michael).

I'm glad that Xavier is somewhat taking part in the quest now - his narration never fails to make me grin.

Thanks a lot for the comments. I'm glad you like the way it turned out. Your comments about the characters inspired me a little, before I wasn't sure how to make Bianca grow up. You seem to like mermaids, so I decided to involve them somehow. Sorry your theory was wrong - I heard women like to be right ;) just kidding. I'll try not to make the story too confusing and ironic, and Xavier will stay. Noah will be mentioned again too...in fact, you just gave me a great idea.

I'll go back to reviewing MM and write some more chapters for NC. Thanks again for the comments!

So, Bianca is a ghost! But I’m not really sure how ghosts work in this story. I mean, Bianca obviously doesn’t age, but she does eat, like she did in this chapter. And how come Alex, Jason, Sadie, etc. have been able to see her but the people at the funeral weren’t? Does she become more human like over time? :P

Anyway, I liked the humour at the beginning of the chapter. Like when Bianca called Jason her future boyfriend, that made me laugh :P It’s funny how Bianca is technically Alex’s aunt. I’m curious about what happened to make Jason not like Bianca anymore, or just to avoid her if he does still like her. Perhaps Amaatlik had something to do with the love at first sight thing using his mind control powers, and now he’s gone Jason no longer loves her. Or maybe it’s something like he’s realised how much danger he could put her in after the dream and fight with Amaatlik, so he’s doing that thing heroes in movies do where they break up (or ignore) the heroine for their own protection. I hope that doesn’t happen, and I doubt it will because it would be very cheesy ;)

Anyway, overall I think this was a good introduction to Bianca’s character. She feels much more like a real person now, but it’s understandable that she hasn’t really until now because she didn’t really do much in the first book.  I really enjoyed finding out more about her, and I’m looking forward to more POV sections from her in the future.

There were a few more redundant descriptions in this chapter. Like this one: “He desperately checked Bianca's breathing and pulse. He kept checking.” It sounds repetitive as well, and we already know he’s checking her pulse so it seems unnecessary to me :P

During some of the dialogue when Bianca was dying, it felt a little emotionless. I think perhaps you should describe her and mum’s actions more. Like, what did Bianca’s mum do when she said “No, it can’ be.” – Did she cry, did she shake her head? It would make it feel less like normal dialogue when her daughter’s lying there, dead.

Something random: when her parents said “she was the best daughter ever” at her funeral  - to me it seems like something adults wouldn’t say at a funeral. I’d imagine them saying, “she was the best daughter we could ever ask for” or something like that. I don’t know, it sounds more grown up :P Not that I really know, because I’m young, but still.

It's funny, I didn't think about how they couldn't see her at the funeral. I guess she controls who sees her or something. As a ghost she does eat and feel pain, because she got the privilege of staying at the relative place of her death (or places where people teleport her, like with the amulets). I should probably mention that.  

Thanks for the feedback on wording and all that. It's something I wish would be mentioned more, because having it in the story can be pretty embarrassing.

I'm glad you liked the chapter. I can't wait to see what you think of the rest.

It was nice to see Jason again. It may just be me, but he definitely seems to have gained a lot of confidence since the end of Hunting Amaatlik. Probably because Amaatlik isn’t amplifying his feelings of hopelessness anymore or something. Still, it’s a great way to show how much their missions and adventures have changed them. I wonder how Sadie has changed, and I look forward to finding out if she has.

Anyway, this chapter was as humorous as the last one (well, except for Bianca’s sad backstory). I’m interested to see how this love potion thing works out ;) I feel a bit sorry for Bianca though. Surely she’s going to be upset if Jason acts like he loves her but then it’s only because of a potion. I don’t think Alex has really thought this one through if he’s trying to make her feel better or something :P But at the same time, I’m anxious because I’m waiting for something bad to happen to Jason like it says in the summary. I have a feeling the story is going to be really light and humorous until then, and then it’ll become darker again. Anyway, I’m curious to see what happens :P

I was a bit confused when they were talking about Amisto taking away their magic – the way you wrote it made it sound like Sadie was the only one to lose her powers, but then Jason said he wanted Amisto to teach him, magic, so… “As soon as the mission was over, the old man took back his magic and Sadie couldn't really cast any spells. Anymore.” Should it be “Sadie and I” or something? :P

I noticed there was a lot of repetition of the word “magic” and “magical” and “magically” at some parts in this chapter :P I know it’s a story with, well, magic, but perhaps you could find another way to say it? xD

I found it a little strange when Alex referred to his mum as, well, mum in his dialogue :P I know it’s because he’s from “Broton” but it struck me as odd, because if it’s written from Jason’s POV wouldn’t he write mom instead? I know it might just be my accent and all, but to me British people sound more like they're saying "mom" than American people do lol. Sorry if that's confusing...

And that reminds me - If Scotia is the equivalent to Scotland, and Welas is Wales, Broton should be some replacement for England instead of Britain. Britain refers to Scotland, Wales and England together, but they were talking as if Broton/Britain is the country in South of Scotia/Scotland and north of Welas/Wales even though it's not. I know this is fantasy so perhaps Broton is referring to strictly England in this story, but still it bugged me :P

Also, I was confused when Jason said he and Alex had blue eyes. I don’t really remember much about their appearances, but I swear I read Jason having green eyes somewhere. Am I just going crazy? :P

Love is probably more related in this story. But I wouldn't say it's a love story. It's nice to know the plot is interesting.

It should indeed say "Sadie and I." Amisto was providing power to both of them, and stopped after they finished the mission.

I guess Jason likes saying magic. Though I agree, that is way too many times that I said magic.

From an American perspective, British people definitely say mum, and we hear it that way. And Jason lives in the country based off of America. It's interesting that you see it that way.

I don't know why Broton is it's own country. I think I was 16 or something when I wrote this...like HA, it was written a while ago. The Broton thing bugs me too. Something else is that in HA I mentioned real-life countries, as a reference, so that'll be a pain to fix =V All the countries are made up, but based off of real ones.

Jason should have blue eyes, sorry if I said they were green.

Sadie, yay! My favourite character is back! Now I’ve got that moment of happiness out of way, I’ll say that this chapter was definitely much gloomier than the last two. I felt really sorry for Sadie at the beginning, when she’s sitting alone with the ducks while Jason was with his family and chatting to his mum in the last chapter. I wonder where she lives, if she has no family. Maybe an orphanage or something? I don't know :P

I’m glad that Sadie mentioned some of the things I was wondering about (like where Xavier and Calvin went :P). It’s good because it means these will probably be addressed at some point, so I’m excited to find out.

Oh, and I forgot to mention this earlier, but I’m still wondering who the new setahr is. I mean, I thought it was Bianca, but she didn’t mention it at all in her POV chapter and Amisto had no idea who Bianca was in this chapter, and surely he would remember her if she was the setahr. Although, does he know who the new setahr is? He said their identity was a secret, but I think he just meant from everyone else.By the way, what is the difference between a setahr and a head mage? I forgot :P

I am a bit confused about how magic works again, though. I know that Sadie and Jason have lost their magic because Amisto only gave them his power to borrow, but hadn’t Sadie learnt some magic before they started their mission? How does learning magic work?

Anyway, there was another redundant description in this chapter: ‘“As you can see, it is very much transparent. And useful for telling the future." It was transparent.’ We already know it’s transparent from the dialogue, so it doesn’t really need to be added onto the end.

“Now what can I help you with, my boy?” Amisto referred to Sadie as a boy. That’s not very nice of him :P

And a typo I spotted: “I tried to remember when I casted spells”

Strange, your comment didn't show up through my inbox. Anyway, I thought you said Sadie is your favorite color =P The chapter was darker as a reflection of her personality. I tried doing that for the rest of the characters' narrations, hopefully it worked.

Sorry if things are really confusing. I might put in something to remind readers. The setahr knows all the different types of magic, while the Head Mage focuses on just one (Amisto on mind magic). And while the Head Mage is like the mayor or something, the setahr is a people's person. He raises the town's spirit on times of trouble, helps them with their problems, and goes on the really dangerous quests/missions. The new setahr is mentioned, kind of indirectly, and you meet them sort of...but they don't play that big of a role once you find out who they are.

Sadie had learn magic before, yes, and you see her using it later on. Though a lot of it was Amisto's as he lent some to her as well. I should probably go into more detail about what learning magic is like, because I never really thought about it.

In America, some transparent balls aren't transparent, men call girls "my boy," and we say casted. Since I"m lying, thanks for catching those. 

I liked how you explained how Bianca was able to go to the island in the last book even though she’s a ghost, and therefore shouldn’t be able to leave her death place. It shows you pay attention to detail. I’m also glad she figured out that Jason was bewitched, even though it probably won’t matter as she went unconscious right after. I felt kind of sorry for her the whole chapter, as she likes him but he’s only acting that way because of the spell. So far I like her character – she seems like a nice person overall, and a little naïve. I like naïve characters, because it’s always interesting to see how they develop and lose their naiveness (unless they don’t xD). I still don’t think you’re sexist, by the way :P I’m impressed because in two POV chapters you’ve introduced her character really well.

Anyway, this chapter was very enjoyable. Some of Jason’s romantic ideas were cringe-worthy (in a good way, because it was funny :P), like the B + J thing. The part with the monsters was funny too, since they almost gave away their weakness. It was an interesting weakness, too. I can’t say I’ve ever heard of monsters being weak to candles before :P

Still, Jason’s powers interested me. I don’t know if the love potion influences him or something, but he seemed very powerful even though Amisto has taken back his magic. I’m sad though because I know I won’t find out why he's so powerful for ages… Oh well. There’s lots of time to form theories! I wonder how his attempt to revive Bianca will go. I have a feeling it will go badly (at least, for him), considering I know he must do a spell that goes horribly wrong at some point from the summary :P

Anyway, some repetition I’ve noticed about this story in general – people tend to say “guys” and “you guys” a lot. I know it’s a common collective term, but it seems like everyone says it all the time, no matter their age, gender, etc. Bianca sure said it a lot when referring to Figaro and Izzy :P She could say, “you two” or something as well. She also wanted to give her cats milk. Giving milk to cats is bad for them because they’re lactose intolerant. I know Bianca probably wouldn’t know about this so it’s okay for her to think that, but the animal nerd within me couldn’t resist pointing it out :P

I also found it strange how Bianca guessed that the candle delivery person was 26. I feel like most people would guess something more vague than that (like, mid twenties).

“We looked all over for Figaro and Izzy, but couldn't find them. We looked everywhere for them, and double-checked more than once.” Another repetitive description.

I'm really glad you like the chapter, and Bianca's character. Someone said she was stupid, and I felt kind of guilty.

The potion did make Jason stronger. Alex wasn't completely lying when he gave him it.

I don't know why so many people say "you guys," I don't even say it much. Thanks for letting me know about the repetition.

Bianca guessing her age does seem weird. That might have been part of the humor because nobody else mentioned it. I'll see what others think. 

I really liked this chapter. I like how you defied my expectations about what being under the love potion would be like. I just assumed that from Jason’s point of view he’d be like a mindless drone, but actually the real Jason stayed awake, even though he couldn’t do anything except think. The way you wrote it was definitely better than I’d expected, it was more original and it was very entertaining to read about him arguing with himself :P This is probably my favourite chapter so far in this book.

I wonder if Bianca’s feelings for Jason are genuine (as in, she really did love him at first sight) or if there’s some magical thing influencing her too. I mean, obviously Amaatlik wasn’t messing with her mind (or she would have stopped liking him). But then, she is a pretty naïve person, so it makes some sense that she would fall in love with him so quickly, or at least think she loves him anyway. She reminds me of Anna from Frozen (except, Jason isn’t… well, I won’t say, in case you haven’t seen it :P). Still, it’s kind of sad if Jason thinks love is stupid now. Although I don’t think he was being that serious :P

I can’t say I’m an expert at viewing ants up close, but I think he seemed to see a lot more of the ant than I’d imagine someone could. I mean, they’re still pretty small. If Jason was lying on the ground, even with his eyes open, if the ants were that close to his would probably be pretty blurry. It’s not like he was looking at it with a magnifying glass or anything, it was his normal vision, so I don’t see how he could see its eyes and jaws and stuff, unless they have super big ants in Draida. Sorry if that’s really picky. I couldn’t find much else odd about this chapter, so I thought I’d point it out :P

And the reference to Romeo and Juliet – another real life thing, but I don’t think this one is as strange because all the countries are based of real ones there could be a version of Shakespeare somewhere too ;)

Also, at one point you referred to Jason as Alex: “Alex 2 resumed walking.”

Aw, you flatter me xD I'm glad you liked the chapter. It was one of my favorite to write.

It's interesting how you related my story to Frozen xD I've never thought about it that way. Bianca does resemble Ana, and Jason that other guy.

That ant thing is pretty weird. I never thought about it like that. Maybe the potion improved his eyesight, or he was dribbling and some of the potion splashed on the ants making them bigger.

Ha ha, Alex 2. Thanks for catching that.

No, Jason! I hope Sadie and Bianca can save him… I think that Sadie’s reaction to his sickness was realistic and sad :( Especially when she kept trying to reassure herself that it was a dream, that seems like something people would do. The story definitely took a darker turn in this chapter. I wonder if someone was possessing Alex to give Jason that potion. He could have just been giving him a love potion to make Bianca feel better, but if it’s so strong that Jason will nearly get himself killed trying to revive her maybe it’s different from normal. I mean, Alex seems like an okay guy, even though he hasn’t appeared that much. And surely he wouldn’t go that far from that one time Jason was mean to him at the magic shop. Plus in the last book I don’t remember any mention of his Britishness/Brotishness, so maybe that’s some clue that he’s being possessed or controlled or something :P Or it could just not have been mentioned… Hehe.

But at least Bianca isn’t a ghost anymore, which is good for her. I wonder how she’ll readjust to life as a living person. It’s kind of sad, because everyone she knows would be so much older/dead… I think she’ll be really confused or something. She did seem a bit confused at the end of the chapter. She must feel pretty guilty too, seeing as Jason did that to bring her back (even if he was being controlled). Anyway, she’s not going to be very happy with Alex when she finds out… xD I felt sorry for Sadie though, when Bianca called her Jason’s sidekick and got her name wrong :P

Anyway, something I’ve noticed happening a few times. Sometimes a character will announce they’re going to do something in their dialogue, and then you’ll include a line straight after saying they did it, like in this chapter: ‘“But I'll keep watching Jason." He kept watching Jason.’  I’m not sure if it’s meant to be part of the humour, but to me it feels a bit repetitive (particularly when it happens multiple times).

 And also with this description: “Maybe it was the fact that he was still breathing. But his skin was really pale. He looked really sick.” I think it would be better to further describe his appearance and condition, instead of just saying that he looked sick.

And something I found a bit odd, was that Sadie was apparently able to dig through to Bianca’s coffin without a shovel or something… Those holes are pretty deep, and digging with her bare hands would be very difficult, because there’d be a very large amount of dirt. At the very least I'd expect her to mention how her hands were aching or something :P

Sorry the story is a lot darker than HA. I used the humor as not just a genre, but as a way of conveying emotion. There's still a little bit of humor though.

I see what you mean about the descriptions. The repetitiveness might have been part of the humor, but I might get rid of it. This chapter isn't a very good place for humor, and it isn't that funny.

I think the ground was loosened by Jason's spell or something. I'll mention that. 

This was a very interesting chapter. I’m happy Skylos is back. He’ll definitely make an interesting addition to their group :P I feel kind of sorry for Sadie, but I guess she’ll just have to put up with him being there even if she doesn’t trust him.

I liked how Sadie thought it was Bianca who had given him the love potion, because I think it would be the natural conclusion someone would come to, even though she didn’t actually do anything. I wonder if she’ll resent Bianca, even though she said she didn’t, as she seems to see it as Bianca’s fault regardless.

Anyway, I wonder why Jason disappeared. I guess whoever was behind it (I still think Alex was possessed or something) must need him for something. But if he’s dead/dying I don’t see how he could be much use to them. Although, as a ghost Bianca could use spells, so maybe if he’s a ghost he’ll still have magic powers too, and they want to use him because he’s so powerful or whatever. And if he wasn’t quite dead yet they could have moved him so he’d die wherever they took him and be forced to stay there. But I am a little confused at his current status – in the last chapter Sadie said he wasn’t dead yet, but this chapter they were talking as if he had died already… Did Bianca just assume he died, or do they know he had?

I was also kind of confused when Sadie said that Bianca should know that hellhounds don’t have the power to control people because she’s a zombie… I know she probably said that to annoy her, but I don’t really understand how a zombie would know that better than a non-zombie :P Sorry for being dumb.

Also, something I found odd – why did Sadie and Bianca just leave Jason at the cemetery? I know Sadie said that they didn’t want to drag him, but it seems strange… I think it would make more sense for them to move him to a safe place instead of just leaving him there for a while.

In this chapter Bianca didn’t seem that concerned that Jason was dead/dying. I mean, she mentioned it a few times and felt sad, but other than that she seemed okay. But I think she’s probably a bit confused readjusting to life as a living person, and maybe that’s why. I think Sadie’s reaction was more what I’d expected. But as I said I think Bianca’s probably in shock. I also found it odd when Bianca called Sadie dude.– it doesn’t seem like something a girl would say in the situation. I think she’d just say her name.

“gave me a look as if to say,” There were some words missing from the start of this sentence. And in this one too: “clenched her fists, looking very determined”. And here: “eyes glowed.”

They don't know whether he died, but it sure looks that way for them. It's not supposed to be clear whether he's alive or not.

When you say that you're dumb, are you being sarcastic? XD I was confused too, at first, and I was the one who wrote that. Hellhounds are related to the underworld and the dead, as are zombies/ghosts, so they have that in common and are expected to know stuff about each other. At least that was Sadie's logic.

They probably would move Jason over to a safe place, yeah. That certainly makes a lot more sense. Their actions could be a lot more realistic too. Thanks for telling me.

I found this chapter both sad and oddly humorous :P It was sad because of how cynical Sadie has become. She definitely wasn’t that bad before, even though she was always more distrusting. Like when she was listing the people that she trusted but wronged her, and mentioned that time Alexander attacked them when they were stranded, but he didn’t really trick them because he thought they were demons or whatever. I think this shows that she’s kind of being selectively oblivious, because it’s not really an example but she used it anyway. Sorry if I’m being over analytical, or if I’m rambling too much :P

But it was also funny,  especially at the end when Sadie was like, “who said I trusted Calvin?” That made me laugh, for some reason. Maybe it’s because I was thinking, “not again, Sadie, not again” :P And when she was so insistent that Skylos was going to betray them, even though he didn’t do anything yet.

Anyway (we do say that a lot :P) I’m looking forward to seeing Calvin again. I wonder what he’s been doing since the last one, and how long it will be until they find him. I also wonder when Xavier will appear again (I’m assuming he will at some point) and when that Noah guy will become important.  I thought he’d play an important role in the sequel, but he hasn’t appeared yet. Of course, there’s still over thirty chapters, so there’s a lot of time for him to appear if he’s going to :P

 ‘Then I'll find my key and unlock the door." I heard him walk away from he door.’ Firstly I think he should be the, and this seems a bit repetitive to me. Sorry if that’s really picky, I think I’m probably one of the only people who gets bothered by only two consecutive sentences ending the same way. Anyway (we do say that a lot :P) I think the second sentence could be ended after walk away. Again I’m not sure why this bothers me, but it does :P

Also, sometimes in this chapter I felt you said the character’s names a bit too much, especially in places where there were multiple characters mentioned. I know it’s so you can tell who they’re talking about, but there were some places where I thought “he” or “she” would have been fine and you could still tell who was being referred to. Like here: “Not that I wanted to take Skylos along, or Bianca, but Jason was somehow her friend too, and apparently Skylos knew how to get to Calvin's home.” I think the second Skylos could just be he, as it’s easy to tell who it’s about. And it would feel less cluttered.

By the way, I’m sorry if this comment is really scatterbrained and crazy, I’m a bit tired :P

Sadie does act different after losing Jason. I guess what she said didn't really make much sense. Also, I'm nowhere near as good as you are at psychological stuff so let me know if something isn't realistic. That and you know more about girls than I do =P

Thanks for telling me about the repetition. That does seem a little annoying.

You're not being over-analytical or rambling. And definitely not scatter-brained, as saying "anyway" so many times makes every comment look organized XD

I liked the whole drama with Anthony – First he seemed like a good guy, then those pirates said he was one, so I was like, “oh no, he’s bad!” but then he was Skylos :P You definitely kept me guessing with this chapter. Anyway, I think that Skylos is genuinely on their side. I mean, he helped then escape and got them to a ship, so unless he’s got some really complicated plan that seems pretty genuine to me. I wonder why he decided to disguise himself as a human instead of just staying as a dog, or just telling them it was him :P And why he asked them questions about being sorcerers :P

And Noah was mentioned again. I wonder where he went, and whether or not he’ll show up in this book. It is a series, so perhaps he won’t be important for a while… But I am really curious about that sword. I also felt sorry for Sadie, when the captain was saying that Jason slayed Amaatlik single-handedly. I mean, sure he fought him by himself (until Skylos turned up) but Sadie still played a part in the mission :P It’s sad that she never gets recognition for things.

I like the contrast between Sadie and Bianca, like in the last book between Sadie and Jason. Bianca seems a bit naïve at times, but she seems like a sweet person, while Sadie is much more cynical. I hope they’ll become friends eventually.

There was some description I thought was missing. When Skylos breathed fire on the pirates, how did they react? Did he kill them, or did they escape? For some reason I found that odd, because surely there would be something happening that Bianca would feel worth mentioning in her narration :P

Something else I’ve noticed  – like guys, the characters seem to say stuff a lot. I think for the teenage characters it’s realistic, cos us teenagers are too lazy to think of proper names for things, but adults I think would say the proper name. Like this example: You know,” 'cause it had a lot of stuff onboard.” I think Anthony/Skylos would say either what it was or “cargo” or something :P

“face reddened” another place where the first part of the sentence seems to be cut off. This happens quite often, so maybe it’s something to do with the site?

“Sadie thought it was stupid, but I forced him.” That’s mean of Bianca, calling Sadie a him :P and this line too: “She took out his wand.”

I'm glad you liked it. I don't want to say much because I don't want to spoil anything, sorry if I did that before.

I also apologize for all the missing names, descriptions, and realism. I'm about to self-edit, hopefully I'll catch a lot of mistakes in future chapters.

Thanks a lot for reading, I'll get to a chapter of Day and Age later tonight.

Bianca seemed a lot more mature in this chapter. Perhaps it’s because she’s getting used to being alive again after being a ghost for so long. Anyway, it was nice to see her and Sadie (sort of) getting along at last. Sadie’s story was so sad. It’s good, in a way, because I feel like her actions in killing Rudolph make more sense now (before I was confused why she killed him herself). But still, I agree with Bianca. She definitely needs to talk about it some more, and get it off her chest. And someone needs to give her a hug :P I wonder who Bianca was talking about when she said there was someone she shouldn’t have trusted. Maybe it was that guy, from chapter one, who spoke to her when she first became a ghost. The one with the mask.

Maybe the pirates are secretly sorcerers as well, and that’s why their ship didn’t sink even though it was metal and the captain somehow survived being scorched by Skylos. Either that or they’re magical beings in disguise, or maybe it’s a ghost ship. But then they wouldn’t be able to leave the place of their death… And last chapter, they weren’t on their ship. Or were they? I can’t remember xD

Haha. I like how you remember the details, like Bianca and Sadie not being very experienced and therefore not being able to rely on magic (in this case teleporting) to get out of the situation. It makes the story much more interesting and chapters like this more tense. Also, it was funny, when Bianca was going to save them dramatically but then it failed :P I laughed then, and when the captain told Bianca he’d save her if she would be his wife, and her reaction to it.

I found it a bit odd when Bianca said “If you don’t believe in Skylos”. It sounds like he’s some sort of mystical figure or something when she phrases it like that :P Sorry if that’s really picky.

And something I thought was a little cliché, was when Sadie stared at her hands as if there was blood on them. There’s nothing wrong with saying it, and I’ve probably wrote something similar at some point so this is hypocritical of me, but I think you could write something more original. Sorry again if that’s really picky. I really liked this chapter, so there wasn’t much I could find wrong with it :)

In the last chapter they were on the docks. I'll consider making that clearer.

You're a sadist for laughing at their demise XD I guess it's not the most immersive chapter =P Maybe it's my writing style, and me trying to write something serious.

Ha ha, the way Bianca phrased that it did look like Skylos was a god or something. And it's hard not to be cliche when you're talking about hands, huh? Thanks for mentioning those errors. I checked the chapters and fixed a lot of things so they would be of better quality when you read them, but like I said I'm pretty bad at self editing, so... =V

Oh, I wonder who that woman is. Perhaps she’s the one possessing Alex (because I think he was possessed, and that’s why he gave Jason that super strong love potion, if it was a love potion :P). It’s interesting if she says she can only visit people’s dreams… It’s hard to know if that body is her usual form, and therefore she’s somehow connected to Jason’s love potion thing, or if she changes form and Bianca imagines her as that woman because she saw her before when Jason used her as an illusion or whatever.

But then, Mary was also helpful and nice, giving Bianca advice on how to get Sadie to trust people and everything… Maybe she’s actually a good guy. But then why was she there before? xD Still, I think Bianca, like Jason before, is perhaps a bit naïve. I mean, she didn’t seem suspicious at all about Mary, even though she just happened to be the woman Jason used in an illusion the night he died/nearly died.

I was kind of confused by the ending. Sadie told Bianca they were in the middle of nowhere, like she didn’t already know. But earlier in the chapter she said they were drifting around in the middle of nowhere. I mean, it makes sense that she might not have realised how this would affect her plan, but for me it felt like it was supposed to be some new revelation for the reader but we already knew. Sorry if I’m wrong :P

Looking back, I wonder if I ever revealed who Mary is. Oops. I'm pretty sure I partly did. I'm going to shut up because I don't want to spoil anything.

I hadn't thought of the ending that way, huh. I guess it does look strange, like  Sadie's saying something something the reader didn't know. It was supposed to be a presentation of conflict or whatever. Though the use of "middle of nowhere" twice probably threw you off, so I can't blame anyone for finding that weird.

Although Sadie’s an extreme example, I think it would be good for Bianca to learn the consequences of trusting everyone too easily. I have a feeling this might happen with Mary. Perhaps when they get to Odom it’ll be a trap, or something. Although they have to survive their encounter with the orisk, first :P

Oh, and something I didn’t realise before but I have now. What if Mary was talking about Calvin (the serpent) in the last chapter and she was the one who spoke to him in his mind in the last book? They were female, if I remember correctly…  Oh, she’s even more suspicious now. I’m certain they’re heading into a trap :P

And I wonder where Skylos went. I’m sure he survived, but… Maybe he was captured, or something. Still, I wonder how he got his hands on an orisk. I hope it’s a good one, but I bet it isn’t. Maybe Calvin or someone will come and save them. Or if the orisk is good, it might help them find Odom.

Their situation on the boat kind of reminds me of Life of Pi. Except there’s two of them, and instead of a tiger there’s an orisk. Okay, it’s nothing like Life of Pi, but for some reason this chapter reminded me of it :P Sorry for rambling…

I found it odd that Bianca didn’t seem to realise the bones could be from an orisk straight away. I mean, if she knew an orisk was a gold skeleton guy, wouldn’t she see a large bunch of gold bones and think, “maybe this is an orisk?” I don’t know, maybe I’m weird, but I thought that was strange.

And how did all of those cans fit on the boat? I kind of imagined it as a small boat, and some bones can get pretty long… Like the femur, or humerus (sorry for being so nerdy…) So the cans must have been quite big. Unless he was tiny? xD Or maybe the bag was magically bottomless, or something. Sorry for reading too much into things, by the way :P I should probably stop saying the first things that pop into my head… xD

Anyway, here’s some weird wording: “It was getting late, the sun low on the rosy horizon to be replaced by the moon and stars.” I feel like there’s a word missing here somewhere :P

Did I forget to say that the bones were really small? They grew as the orisk formed. That's how they could fit. Though I don't know why Bianca didn't recognize it. I guess it looked like Skylos had taken some bones (because he's a dog) and kept them as treasure, gilding them to make them more special or something like that.

You aren't reading too much into things, I'm glad your comments are thorough (and fun to read). You've mentioned a lot things that nobody else did. I dismissed some but most are understandable. Thanks for the comments, and have a good day.

Hmm, that was an interesting chapter. I wonder why the orisk/Joe called Sadie a princess. Perhaps it has something to do with her missing family? I guess it must :P I wonder who they are. Still, it’s good for Bianca and Sadie, as they can now use Sadie’s, er, connections to get to Odom :P

It was very amusing too. I liked the part when Bianca tried to get him to talk about himself, but he only told her a very short story :P I don’t really mention this much, but I do really like the humour in this story. I think the humour bits are well written, because they fit into the rest of the story but at the same time they don't lessen the more emotional/serious parts.

I was a bit confused, though. Why did Joe think that sparing Sadie would make Bianca angry towards the end? I mean, wouldn’t she be happy if she was spared? They’re not really friends but I wouldn’t think that would make her angry.

Oh, and there were some more capitals: “DO YOU UNDERSTAND”. Sorry, it just bugs me… xD Also, in this chapter there was a paragraph that I think should have been split up, because you switched between dialogue and action a few times. It started with “Do not mock me”

And another gender thingy: “She cleared his throat”

Thanks for the comment! I'm glad the humor works out. I was so embarrassed before it made me cringe looking back at it.

Sorry for missing all those errors. I mean, I left them all in there so my chapter wouldn't be too perfect =P Yeah, totally. And Sadie was without a doubt clearing Joe's throat.

Speaking of the Sadie, her life spared wouldn't make Bianca mad in itself, but it was kind of unfair to her that Joe would let Sadie go just because she talked to him, while Bianca didn't get to talk. I think, or something like that. Also, both girls think that they have more motivation to save Jason than the other, and therefore are more important in their quest. Does that make sense or should I make it more straightforward?

No, that does make sense, and it is unfair. I was just a bit confused that he would say that, because Bianca didn’t give any indication that she’d be angry. Sorry if that's confusing :P And sorry for the late reply.

I’m glad Noah was mentioned again. I feel kind of sorry for Liz, left all alone in Odom. She seems like a nice lady. I wonder why he never visited her. That seems a bit mean :P I’m really curious about how he’s going to be involved in the story. At the moment I think he’ll probably be one of the good guys, although I could also see him turning out to be a villain. It’s good that Sadie and Bianca made it to Odom. I felt kind of sorry for Sadie, when she wasn’t talking and stuff. I’m really looking forward to what happens next, because I don’t have much of an idea.

Sometimes, I feel like your transitions between things are a bit abrupt. Like when Liz was thinking of how Noah and Larry disappeared, and all she had left was memories, and then suddenly she was like, ‘Well, it was time to start dinner’. I think that could be a bit more fluent, maybe describing something that made her remember about dinner.

I also felt this chapter could use more description. Particularly the first part, without Sadie and Bianca, as there wasn’t much going on. I think it could add to the sadness of Liz being all alone if you described more about her house, or just something to add to the atmosphere.

Also, there was a spot where Liz called Sadie and Bianca “you guys” which for me seemed an odd thing for her to say. But I did like the way you indirectly described her age, when she struggled to get up. I also liked how even though both Bianca and Sadie remained un-named for a large portion of the conversation with Liz, your characterisation was good so it was easy to tell who was who.

Anyway, I have to go back to school tomorrow so my comments will probably become slower again, but I should still be able to comment at least once every other day for the foreseeable future, although I’ll probably get busier later in the semester. I'll be able to comment again tomorrow though :)

I see what you mean about the transitions. She was trying to distract herself from painful memories, but it could be more fluent and realistic. More descriptions would be good too, and "you guys" probably is an odd thing for her to say. I'm glad that didn't distract from the storyline too much.

Have fun in school, and good luck getting back in the swing of things. I look forward to your future comments =)

I still think Alex was being possessed or something, and that’s why he gave Jason that potion. I know he was annoyed at Jason when he was mean to him in his shop, but getting him to kill/nearly kill himself by bringing Bianca back is a bit extreme :P Plus his sudden Brotishness makes me think it wasn’t really the same guy from the last book.

The pace of these last two chapters seemed a little slow compared to the rest of the story so far, but I think something big is about to happen so it’s probably okay. I’m anxiously awaiting what happens next, because I feel like it’ll be something completely unexpected. It’s funny how they were using the book to help them. I wonder if they’ll read about that chapter where Jason annoyed Alex and suspect him. Sadie might, but I don’t think Bianca will :P

I found it a bit strange that Sadie didn’t seem to question who Mary was and why she told Bianca to go to Odom. Overall she seemed pretty chill about it, but I thought when she found out that some stranger sent them to Odom she would be as untrusting as usual. I mean, she seemed to be a bit suspicious, like at the end when Bianca asked her if she trusted Mary and she said no, but not like she had before.

It was also weird when Bianca said, “you know what Mary said…” to Sadie. Before she thought it was best not to tell Sadie about Mary, but now she’s saying things like that as if she’s forgotten completely that she wasn't going to tell her.

I also found it odd when Sadie said “We’re magic”. You’d think she would say, “we know magic” or something like that. I’m not sure how sorcerers see themselves, maybe they think they are the magic, but I thought I’d point it out anyway :P

Sorry about the late reply, and for not commenting on Day and Age. I've been rather busy lately.

Yeah, I've been told that the pace is kind of slow. I'm not sure whether what will happen soon is something big...I don't have a very good sense of bigity. Could you please let me know after a few chapters? =P

Sadie's weird, so as to why she didn't question who Mary was, well. I thought she did so I guess I'll have to change that. She was suspicious but didn't want to upset Bianca, I guess, because they have to work together. I should make that clearer and work it out some more.

It was also weird that Bianca talked about Mary. Gosh, this story is so weird, isn't it? It was just a slip of the tongue, though I could fix that too. And you're right, they aren't really magical.

I like the details, like Bianca calling the wick a string thingy in the wax of a candle :P I like it because it shows the characters don’t know everything. I found it funny when Sadie corrected Bianca when she said they were on a mission, even though it really doesn’t make all that much of a difference :P Also when she corrected her when Bianca said Jason was her boyfriend. I like how this story doesn’t have any love triangle drama or anything like that. I bet a lot of people expect when there’s two girls and one guy as main characters for there to be one, but I’m really, really, really glad there isn’t, because love triangles are annoying :P Sorry for rambling, by the way.

I felt very sorry for Liz in this chapter. She seems so lonely. I hope her son and husband come back home someday, or she goes and meets them. I wonder why they never visited her.

Anyway, in this chapter I felt again that some sentences should be combined. Not so much because they’re too short this time, but because I think it would make more sense. Like this one:

 “I guess there were a lot of scholars in Odom, or maybe they just liked a good story. There were a lot of people at the library.” I think it would make more sense if they were combined, as the first sentence is the reason why there are a lot more people. Or they could be reversed, either will do :P Sorry if that doesn’t make sense, by the way.

Anyway, during the part with Andrew when he turned into a woman, I was a little confused as to who was who when you were using “she”. In that part I think you should probably use their names more. There was one point when I thought it sounded like Sadie talking, but Andrew had been called she in the previous line so I got confused :P

Haha, I found it interesting when they were surprised there was a little boy in the library. Maybe I just live in  really booky (it’s totally a word :P) place, because there’s always heaps of kids at my local library when I go there :P Anyway, it sounded like a cool place. I hope they manage to find some more information about Jason.

There were a few more spots in this chapter where the first part of a sentence at the start of the paragraph was lost. It seems to happen quite often, so maybe it’s something to do with this site.

“Sadie gave me his warning look, as if he was saying,”

Yeah, a love triangle would be very annoying. Almost as annoying as that sentence I wrote, with a lot of people in the library. Ho ho ho (that was hearty laughter). I'll change the other things too.

I'm assuming the reason they were surprised that there was a kid in the library was because everybody else was older. I'm not sure whether the library would have a lot of kid books. But I'll say that when I edit.

Thanks a lot for the comment, it was thorough as always. I look forward to your next one in two days or so. Hopefully you like that chapter.

Oh, that was interesting. I’m glad we finally got to find out what happened to Sadie’s family. Well, sort of :P I thought they’d died or something, but they actually left her… I wonder where they are now, and if that orisk knew them (and how he knew them :P). It’s sad she thought that Jason would be disgusted if he found out about her situation, even though he obviously wouldn't.

The thing with Dorian seemed a bit random. I wonder if it will have some significance later in the story, and if Sadie will go through with the magic cake thing. I also found it odd that Liz would suggest something like that, but then the characters thought it was strange too so I think it must be important later on.

I have a few questions about this chapter though – how young was Sadie when her parents left? Because, if she only has one memory of her parents she must have been very young. Kids that young can’t really look after themselves that well, even if they have an adult checking up on them occasionally and providing them with food, etc, I don’t really see how a young kid could manage completely on their own for so long. Or did Amisto actually stay and look after her for a while? Or someone else? It seems strange that he’d just leave her alone to fend for herself.

I also found it a bit strange that Liz kicked Sadie out of the house. Even if she was on Bianca’s side, she didn’t seem like the sort of person who’d kick someone out and make them sleep outside. I mean, what if Sadie was mugged or something, or got lost? She is in an unfamiliar town, after all.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, DORIAN?" More capitals… I’m sorry, I know I’m weird :P Oh, and Sadie is a him: “Make him stop!"

Btw, I posted up the first two chapters of the sequel to Gifted, if you’d like to read it.

You raised some interesting questions. Yeah, looking back, this chapter doesn't really make that much sense. I'll try to clarify some things:

Meeting Dorian was random, like pretty much the rest of the story. But he is kind of important, but I don't know if his role is too weird. I don't want to spoil anything though. I also realize that it was weird of Liz to suggest poisoning him, that's part of it.

Amisto watched Sadie full time first, I think she was a few years old, and when she got older he only checked on her occasionally. As shown in parts like when Sadie broke his crystal ball at the beginning, they're close but tend to fight a lot.

Liz kicking Sadie out of the house was more than a bit strange. And dangerous. I don't remember why I made that happen. Maybe she sent her into the backyard, or just told her to leave the room and Sadie misinterpreted it.

 Oh yay, the sequel to Gifted! I'll start reading it tonight.

Yay, Xavier’s back! I really like his character, and I found it funny when he corrected Bianca about his age :P I’m excited, because hopefully they’ll be able to find Calvin and then he can help them find and save Jason. Speaking of Jason, I wonder what’s happening to him. Is he dead, or a ghost, or whatever? Somehow I think I probably won’t find out for a while ;)

It was interesting to learn more about the world the story is set in (Mericia, Kanuda, Wesico… Somehow those sound vaguely familiar :P). I’m wondering about the last names thing. Who has last names? Is it the nobility only, like in the past? But then there’s been no indication of a “traditional” nobility so far, but then Xavier and Bianca know what they are then somebody must have them :P If Sadie really is royalty then maybe she actually does have a last name.

It was funny when Bianca said pigs were pink. I’ve seen a fair amount of pigs in my time, and a lot of them aren’t very pink at all. They’re a variety of colours, some of them are even more brown or black. Sorry for being such an animal nerd. Anyway, in the paragraph where Bianca was talking about animals, the word “animal” was used a lot in a short space of time. Like I did just then. And also, a group of chickens is called a flock, not a herd :P Bianca might not know this, but I think flock is a pretty common word, so… xD

I found it odd when Bianca said she was not practicing magic as a ghost, but… didn’t she use magic before? I can’t quite remember, but I have a vague memory of her using it while still a ghost.

Anyway, about the pacing – I think it has picked up again in the last few chapters. There have been some interesting developments, like in the last chapter with Sadie’s parents and this one with Xavier returning. It was mainly the chapters when they first got to Odom that were a little slow, but it was only for a few chapters.I don’t think it’s a major concern, just perhaps there should be less of a drop in pace between the chapter with the orisk and Liz’s chapter.

The last name thing was a joke, I honestly I didn't think about it being only for nobility. But, you'll see.

Those weird things Bianca said are embarrassing. Did I really say herd of chickens? XD I guess it adds to her character though.

You're right, she did practice magic as a ghost. I don't know why she said that.

Thanks a lot for the comment. Let me know what you think of the next chapter when you read it (please), I'm kind of doubting that one =P

I like the details in this chapter. Like Sadie, I had forgotten completely about Amy and how Sadie was going to teach her magic :P I really liked how you mentioned that. Also how Dorian’s house was run-down and not well looked after compared to the rest of Odom – I think that was a very good way of showing his character. I liked your descriptions of the frog too.

However, Sadie’s change of heart was seemed a bit sudden to me. She sure had a lot of revelations in one chapter, and I wasn’t sure if it was a completely natural transition. I mean, it made sense for her to realise how she’d been mean to everyone and stuff from seeing how Dorian was the same, but… I don’t know, she only spoke to him for a short while, but at the end she said she had a lot in common with him, as if they knew each other really well. I mean, on the surface, sure, they’re similar, but who knows? His situation could be completely different from hers. Maybe if you lengthened this chapter a bit, it might help. In a way I felt like her epiphany lacked depth, and there wasn’t enough reasons for her to have one, if that makes sense.

Some of the things confused me too – although Amisto was helpful in helping her get a house and stuff, why did he make her live alone when she got older? She would still have been only a kid… I mean, if they didn’t get on or something I can understand him not wanting them to live together, but Sadie said he wouldn’t let her live with anyone else either. That’s not very nice :P I mean, she should be grateful to him for helping her, but making her live alone was kind of mean. Particularly if she thinks no one wants to live with her.

Overall I kind of got the impression she was being too hard on herself, acting like she’s the worst person in the world when to me she just seems really lonely. I mean, sure, she’s treated some people badly and isn’t very humble, but then there isn’t many people in the world who haven’t done things like that :P Even Jason, who she was saying is the greatest person ever and stuff, was kinda mean to Alex in Hunting Amaatlik :P I hope Sadie will be able to become proper friends with Bianca now, and start to trust people a bit more.

 “some guy who lives alone”

This is the chapter I was worried about. Sorry if you didn't like it. Sadie was supposed to have a different impression on the reader, coming off as more of a mean person, though she was a male character when I wrote that part. I really dislike the chapter but want to see what you think after reading a few more of her chapters, and to get some more opinions, before making major changes.

I don't know why Sadie's realization was so sudden, or why Amisto made her live alone. There isn't a lot of realism in this story, unfortunately. I'm thinking that Sadie ran away, or living with him for too long was dangerous or something.

Xavier’s POV was very entertaining, particularly his crush on Bianca. Sorry, Xavier, I don’t think you have a chance ;) I think you do a good job of making your characters have distinct personalities, and even if you didn’t say who’s POV the chapter was from it’s easy to tell from their narration (unless it’s a character who’s never had a POV chapter before :P). I wonder why he doesn’t know magic. Maybe he’s just really bad at it or something :P But then, none of the other characters are total experts, so I don’t know why he would be embarrassed about that, which he seemed to be. But then, I suppose he doesn’t know that :P

I feel sorry for Bianca, because it was (at least, as far as she knows) her nephew who was behind Jason’s death/near death. I really wonder what Alex’s motivation is (if he isn’t being possessed, which I still think is likely). He seemed like an okay guy before. Still, I wonder if they’ll get to fight some zombies at some point. That would be cool :P

Anyway, there wasn’t really much I could find to nitpick about, but there is one thing that confused me – how did Xavier’s parents know what was going on in Draida? I got the impression that all the towns were kind of separated, but do they have some sort of communication between them?

And Bianca called Sadie a he here: “He didn't want to join me anymore though. He thinks everyone is an evil monster and said that I was too trusting." Xavier did too: "Who is he? I'll kick him for you,”

Thanks for the comment! Ha ha, it will be interesting if it suddenly becomes a zombie apocalypse story. Then Bianca would be fighting herself. I think.

The towns aren't really separated. I'm assuming you got that impression because Draida used to be separated due to the Forrest of Nightmares, but it was un-cursed and people can go to and from now. I'll make that clearer in the story.

There was repetition of the word “write” in the first paragraph. I think, overall you don’t have that much repetition (there’s no phrases you seem to repeat a lot or anything) but sometimes you’ll say the same thing in a single paragraph without using another word to describe it.

I also kind of found it strange, when Sadie said “I know I don’t show it, but I care about her. She and Jason would make a great couple”. It’s not the fact she says she cares about her, it’s the part where she says she and Jason would make a great couple. I don’t know why this bugged me, it just seemed a really odd thing to say lol. Couldn’t she think of another reason she cares about Bianca? xD

Also when Liz said: “She's a young woman. We tend to get all worked up about that kind of thing," It sounds like she’s excluding Sadie, even though she is also a young woman.

Huh, I see why Liz was all of a sudden wanting to poison a random kid now. So she was testing Sadie, the cunning woman. I’m not being sarcastic, by the way. For some reason that sentence sound sarcastic when I read it in my head, but it’s not. I like how she was offering Sadie advice, and I wonder if she'll ever figure out the moral of the story she told her and act on it ;)

I’m still very curious about what role Noah will play in the story. I don’t think he’ll be a villain, but I’m not quite sure how he will be a hero, either. I wonder how long I’ll have to wait to find out ;) I don’t think his role will be revealed for a while. Still, I hope he visits Liz at some point, so she can see he’s okay.

Also,, it’s nice to see how Sadie has changed after the thing with Dorian. She seems more trusting, even if she hasn’t realised it, like when she ate the cake despite her doubts. And how she apologized to Liz, too.

Yeah, NC is so messed up XD Sadie's secretly a romantic, but everybody thinks she's a boy named Michael. And she was writing a lot in the beginning. I'm glad it's understandable, despite those mistakes. Thanks for the comment, I look forward to seeing more in the future. 

It’s interesting how Bianca is beginning to question her love for Jason. I wonder if she was magically influenced, like he was, or whether she did fall in love with him at first sight or whatevs. I think there’s probably magic involved, being the cynical old lady I am :P Still, even if she doesn’t “love” him, I think she does care about him a lot (like Sadie does).

I feel sorry for her at the end – her trusting nature finally got her in trouble, which it was going to eventually :P I liked those mermaids, I’m kinda sad they were bad guys. But at the same time, I admire her strength, because she didn’t seem too caught up by it and told Xavier what to do calmly. I hope she can learn from her mistakes, but not go all cynical like Sadie ;)

It seems to me like they keep getting close to finding Calvin, but then something always stops them. I wonder if they’ll eventually find him, and what will happen. I think it will be something exciting. It’s sad if he really is in a bad mood because he misses Jason.

The mermaid they were talking to kept switching between being called Selena and Serena.

I also found it odd when Selena/Serena referred to Calvin as Calvin, when she had just not known who they were talking to until they said his real name. I would have thought she would have called him Okeanos here: “Calvin isn't the most approachable guy." Plus for the rest of the chapter she kept calling him Okeanos, except that one spot.

And I’m sorry for being really nerdy, but a leafy sea dragon is not a seahorse. They are in the same family as seahorses, but it is its own, separate genus and isn’t a species of seahorse.  And as Selena/Serena is a mermaid and lives underwater, she should know her marine creatures :P Also, I think this chapter could use a bit more description – the description you did have was good, but I would have liked some more about the underwater world and what the mermaids looked like too.

“Do you know who you're talking back?" This sentence confused me. Is it supposed to be talking about? xD And Bianca called Sadie a him: "Get him!"

I tried to make Bianca's wake-up moment sort of complicated, hopefully it's realistic and not confusing. The chapter after the next one, 24, may be very confusing because it's supposed to be interpretable in different ways, so please let me know what you think when you get to that chapter.

Huh, as a stereotypically stupid American I never knew a leafy sea dragon wasn't a sea horse =P Well, you learn something new everyday. Thanks for that information, and the rest of the comment.

I liked the humour in this chapter. I was totally convinced for a minute that Xavier had found a magical banana, but then it was just Sadie… I felt kind of stupid for falling for it :P Although, I’m glad he found her quickly so they can get on with rescuing Bianca ;) I liked seeing how Sadie does actually care about Bianca again. I hope if they save Bianca she’ll open up more to her, and Jason too if they find him. I feel kind of sorry for her (but, I’m not sure if I’m supposed to :P) when she says stuff like “I can't do anything right”, even though that’s a bit of an exaggeration. Maybe that’s because I think I can relate to her, as I often feel like that too.

I liked the ending too. I get the feeling something exciting is going to happen soon, perhaps something completely unexpected. But I’m not sure if I’m supposed to know what they’re going to do, because I don’t :P Am I just stupid, or is it supposed to be ambiguous?

Anyway, something I thought could perhaps use more detail, was when Sadie slapped him. I know Xavier’s blaming himself and stuff, but he didn’t seem to notice at all, just continuing on as if he was just replying to her speech. Maybe just make him comment on how his cheek hurts, or something? I don’t know, just a thought.

 “clenched her fist” Another spot I found where the first word/few words seemed to missing.

 Anyway, I probably won’t be able to comment again until at least this weekend. I’m kind of stressed out at the moment.

Well...you're not stupid, the story is ambiguous. But not intentionally. A lot of people who read it don't really get either that they can't save Bianca, and likely won't- because they knew that she would want them to save Jason first. I didn't want to say that directly so that it would be more dramatic, but it looks like I'll have to. But yeah, they do wish that they could save Bianca, it's not like they don't want to.

Xavier didn't know that Sadie slapped him until she told him later. And he didn't know who clenched Sadie's fist, so he left that part blank =P Thanks for pointing those out, and letting me know the chapter was misleading. I'm glad you like the humor.

Don't worry about the break in commenting. I hope you feel better :)

It’s sad how Bianca seems to have lost most of her hope and optimism and stuff in such a short space of time. She did need a wake-up call, but... I hope she’ll gain some of her trustingness back, as not trusting anyone is as bad as trusting everyone. She and Sadie really need to find that happy medium ;)

Anyway, I don’t think this chapter was confusing, at least not to me. Are the alternate interpretations meant to be about Yozka’s motivation? I’m not really sure if he was telling the truth, and whether he really is doing this for Bianca’s good or whatever. Sure, it teaches her a lesson, but why would he help her? I suppose he might have an ulterior motive, but I’m not sure what it is if he does have one :P

Surely a week must have passed by now, so maybe Jason really is dead :( But, I’m sure they’ll be able to get him back somehow, even though they’ll probably have to make a sacrifice of some sort to save him. But then, they would probably have to do that even if he was still alive. I hope Bianca can get herself out of this situation and meet up with Xavier and Sadie, so they can save him together. I’m not certain if Bianca “loves” Jason (because, I think love is a strong word and she doesn’t know him well enough, plus magic could still be involved), but she does care about him and stuff so I hope she realises it wasn’t her fault he “died”.

 “I am stripping you of your innocence” xD I don’t know, perhaps I just have a really dirty mind, but I found that line hilarious and creepy. I know that’s not what he meant (or did he? Probably not :P) but I must say that line made me go, “woooooaaaahh” and freaked me out a bit, for Bianca’s sake. And he’d taken her to his house, and stuff… I think I watch too many crime shows :P

The emotions in this chapter were good, but I think you could add more and it would be really effective. It’s little details (like the ones you did have, such as her covering her face with her hands), but if some more were inserted between Bianca’s thoughts and things her revelations could be more powerful. I mean, how does she express her emotions, if that makes sense? It would make things seem less abrupt, if you know what I mean. I’m sorry, I’m bad at explaining it.

There was some repetition when Bianca was saying how everything was her fault, she said they had a week to save Jason twice in a very short space of time.

 “I closed me eyes in frustration” Bianca was talking like Skylos for a bit :P

Nice to hear from you again =) The alternate interpretations were meant to be about what he did to Bianca, actually. What he said about stripping her of her innocence was completely unintentional, though it could help back up one of the possibilities so thanks for pointing that out.

That's a nice way of thinking about Bianca's relationship with Jason.

what you said about the emotions made sense. As always that's one of my primary concerns, so thanks a lot for the advice. Ha ha, that eyes thing is so embarrassing.

Sorry it’s been a while since I last commented O.o

I’m worried for Bianca after reading this chapter, because Xavier said that dead people don’t come back to life for very long… But then, Jason died/nearly died to bring her back to life, so maybe it isn’t the same as these zombies or whatever they are, because I assume for them it was only a temporary thing.

I’d forgotten about the new setahr. I think she’s Mary, because she was all mysterious and must be powerful to enter people’s dreams and whatnot. Although, I wonder why Amisto said that they couldn’t see her/him. If there were zombies everywhere in Draida, wouldn’t that be something that they were interested in? I mean, I know they were focused on Jason, but they’re probably connected, so… I’m a bit confused as to what a setahr actually does :P

And lastly I’m really wondering about Alex. Now he’s changed the way he looks… Maybe he’s actually a different person, and that’s why he acts differently and has gone evil or whatever. Still, if it is really him making the decisions, I wonder why he wanted to kill Jason. I know Jason annoyed him that one time, but still. It’s a bit extreme to nearly get him killed. Or maybe he’s telling the truth, and he really did only mean to give him a strength potion, but that seems unlikely.

“He started to close the door before realizing that it made him look suspicious” I know this is picky, but how did Xavier know that Alex closed the door because it made him look suspicious? xD I know it’s probably because he looked like he did, or gave some indication, but that bugged me for some reason.

“I looked him in the eyes” “I patted him reassuringly” Xavier called Sadie a him… And Amisto did too: "Calm down, boy.”

I'm really sorry it's so confusing. It was all written very strangely. I believe Xavier was lying when he talked about the zombies because he's like that, and Amisto doesn't want Sadie to know who the setahr is, which isn't revealed. I have a lot of editing to do. That thing about looking suspicious makes sense, too.

Thanks a lot for the comment! Don't worry about not commenting in a while, I know you're very busy. Also, if you want to wait before commenting again I can probably make the quality of the next chapters a lot better.

I liked the details in this chapter, like when Bianca corrected herself when saying air. I think that’s something a lot of people would have forgotten about. I also liked how Bianca described herself when she was in Selena’s body, when her hair was waving around in the water and stuff.

And Calvin’s back! That was definitely surprising lol. He has very good timing, saving Bianca like that. Although I’m not sure if he’ll actually appear in person. I mean, Selena left, so maybe he did too :P I guess I’ll just have to find out. Speaking of Selena, I’m kind of sad she’s gone. I liked her, even if it turns out she was jealous all along. I hope she appears again.

I liked the action, and how Selena used crabs and swordfish as weapons :P That made me laugh. I like how Yozka figured it out, too, even though it was bad for them lol. It would have been boring if he had been really easily defeated :P

Anyway, there are still a few places where I think you could combine the sentences and it would flow better. Like here: “Yozka's grin widened. He leaned forward. His tail swished excitedly, drawing bubbles.” Considering it’s the same person doing the actions, you could probably combine the sentences without much trouble, and it would seem less jerky that way. It doesn’t happen that often, but there are a few places.

Also, there was a bit of repetition sometimes. Like when Bianca and Serena were swapping bodies, you said “sense” or a variation on the word a lot :P And Selena called Calvin Calvin, even though before she was calling him Okeanos.

Here’s a typo I noticed: “An occasional few casted curious glances at Yozka”.  Also here: “They looked around for her, thinking maybe she had gotten into the crowd” It’s kinda like the suspicious thing in the last chapter, as how would Bianca know what they were thinking.

And the quality of these chapters has been good, by the way. But, if you want me to wait a while before commenting again I can. Otherwise I can probably start commenting more frequently again, my busy period is (momentarily) over.

Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you liked it, and that it worked out okay. It's nice of you to get attached to Selena, haha. I'll fix the things you mentioned, of course.

I'm sorry for not improving the chapters, I never found the time to do so. I realized that I also wouldn't be able to make them much better =P I'll likely have the time and do as much as I can today. I enjoy reading your comments, and if you're enjoying the story then please feel free to start commenting more freely.

This chapter was confusing. It was good, but I feel like there wasn’t enough of a connection with the last one. When I first read it I was like, “what? I thought Xavier and Sadie were in Draida chasing Alex” and now suddenly they’re in Barcos chatting with Noah? I don’t know, it almost felt like there was something missing. I’m confused why they went to Noah, and how Sadie knew that it was him that wrote in the book. Like I said, it was like a chapter had been missed out. I even went and reread a few of the last Xavier/Sadie chapters, in case I’d missed something, but there wasn’t really anything.

Anyway, once I kind of got over my initial confusion I enjoyed this chapter. So Noah and Nomilis were the ones who wrote in that book in HA… Huh, can’t say I expected that :P I thought it was probably Mary, seeing as it wasn’t Bianca like I originally thought. Hah, but I was right about Mary being the setahr! I wonder why she is being all mysterious, and contacting them through dreams or whatever but not appearing in person.

 I wonder if Xavier can really read minds, or if he’s just good at guessing what people are thinking. I suspect it is the latter :P After Sadie, he’s probably my second favourite. His POVs are always entertaining, like in this chapter when he was like, “You’re thinking about how awesome I am”.

When Noah was making the list of people who could help them, he said that a hellhound was the fourth person who could help, but he had only said two other people, Mary and Amisto :P

There were a few times in this chapter where the first part of a sentence got cut off. “scratched her head.” And here: “laughed. ‘What's next, the king of Mericia?’”And here:  “looked like she was ready to give up”

“I had to read his mind.” Xavier called Sadie a he.

Thanks for the comment! Yeah, this was one of the chapters I really wanted to fix but couldn't yesterday. The rest should make sense, they just get a bit over the top in my opinion. I'll do my best to go over them today, but my schedule's been changing so I can't make any promises =/

That thing with the four people could help was confusing, I would like to clear up that their king was the third person. Yes, Noah planned on getting him to help ;)

I felt like Calvin’s emotions were a bit forced in this chapter. Like when he yells at Bianca: “HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? GO AWAY!" I would think it was pretty obvious that Bianca doesn’t know that Jason really is dead, so it seemed a bit of an overreaction. But, I suppose he’s upset about Jason, so he’s not thinking rationally. He and Jason must have been closer than I thought, because he reacted a lot more to his death than I thought he would. That’s not a criticism, by the way, just an observation.

Also when he said “Our dear Jason is no longer with us”. For some reason that seemed odd to me, not like something someone would say (unless they were a funeral director or something :P). I also thought it seemed rather dramatic when Bianca (briefly) wanted to commit suicide. I don’t know, she just didn’t seem the sort of person who would think of that, you know? At least, not out of the blue like that. I know I’ve used suicide in my own stories, so this is probably hypocritical of me, but it seemed a bit out of place in this chapter.

Anyway, it’s sad that Jason is officially dead. I think they’ll still be able to bring him back. Maybe one of them will have to sacrifice their life. Right now my bet’s on Calvin. Or maybe if Alex has a change of heart, he will :P But I doubt that.

I really liked the bit with the water magic. It’s interesting that there are lots of different types of magic. And if Bianca does learn how to use water magic really well, then that will set her apart from Jason/Sadie, etc who are using normal(?) magic. Anyway, I thought Bianca’s thought processes and stuff when she was learning it were well done. It’s good that she managed to control her emotions, and hopefully let go of some of her anger.

They were acting really crazily, and that was more or less intentional. I'm not very good at drama xD Thanks for the comment! I'll make the changes you mentioned, as soon as I get the chance to edit.

I found it funny when Xavier was pleased that Sadie didn’t hate him :P That and him smiling at her (even if she thought it was creepy) makes me think they’re going to be  couple someday. It was funny when Xavier was like “Are you in love with Bianca? Nooo, she’s Jason’s!”

I liked how Xavier mentioned the other zombies going back to being dead, but Bianca was still alive, because it was something I was wondering before. Perhaps Sadie is right, and she’s still alive because the zombies were only raised using less powerful magic or something.

I wonder what will happen when they’re in the underworld. Maybe they’ll see that orisk again, and he’ll say why he called Sadie a princess. I hope that gets explained in this book, although who knows? Perhaps I won’t get to find out for ages :P

I was kind of confused when Sadie was comparing Jason to Xavier. Especially when she said that he never seemed afraid. He seemed quite afraid a few times in HA, even if he was being influenced by Amaatlik or whatever.

Also, why would Skylos leave their bodies in the middle of the sea on a boat? Even if they don’t come across a ship or anything, what if there was a huge storm and the boat sunk? Wouldn’t it be better to leave them somewhere on land or something? :P

I know Noah’s part in this story probably isn’t over, but for now I feel like this whole part with him (the last Xavier/Sadie chapter, and this one) was a bit lacking. I’m wondering if that’s really it for this book, unless he appears later, but I don’t think he will. Maybe it’s because he appeared so suddenly without any warning, so if you fix that it might be alright. I mean, it just seemed like him and Nomilis (especially the sword, because she just got destroyed while I’m sure Noah will appear again at some point, just not in this book) were more important, considering there was that chapter in HA. But now Nomilis is gone so suddenly, so I’m confused.

Oops, did Xavier ask Sadie (Michael) if she's in love with Bianca? That's not appropriate =P thanks for pointing that out.

This story is definitely structured improperly, partly because of my changing ideas as I wrote it. Some of the things won't be explained before the sequel, others will. If I continue the series, it might take a while to make it so NC and HA make a lot more sense.

I really enjoyed the action in this chapter. It was a cool idea, drowning (?) the mermen in air. The whole using your heart thing was kind of cheesy, but in a good way, and it was a great way of showing Bianca's character development. Also, I really liked the line: “Don't love people just to be romantic. Love them because you really care.” I don’t know why I liked it so much, I’m a sap like that :P

Poor Calvin, trapped in an object again. Although, that pearl is magical, isn’t it? Hopefully that means he’ll at least get some magic powers or something like before until he can be freed. I don’t know how the pearl works, so he might not be able to I guess. Their talk about Amaatlik left me wondering. I bet at some point he’ll be released somehow and come for them for revenge or something. I’d like that to happen, because he was a cool villain.

One thing that confused me though, is why Selena would kill herself and become a banshee just to help Bianca. I mean, it seems a little extreme. Doesn’t she have a survival instinct? And she never struck me as suicidal.

But, despite that, I’m excited. I hope Bianca meets up with the others soon. I wonder what will happen when they meet. I think it will probably be heartwarming. I’m also wondering what’s going to happen, and how they’re going to save Jason if he’s already dead. I still think Calvin might sacrifice himself or something like that, but would he be able to if he’s still stuck in that pearl? I don’t know :P

This is picky wording thing, but when Calvin said the spear wouldn’t kill you unless it broke your flesh… I know he meant a deep stab wound or whatever, but Bianca’s flesh was broken when she got cut, so technically she would have died too.

When Bianca was talking about what the heart is for, the phrase “or something like that” was repeated twice in a row. You also repeated the word glow and variations of it in the paragraph where she was trapping him in the pearl. And when Selena was behind the seaweed, the word seaweed was repeated quite a lot of times too.

I'm glad you liked it =) Yeah it was pretty cheesy lol. Only because she mentioned love =P

The pearl was magical, yes. I don't know how it works either. And Selena, yeah. I don't think it's so much she was suicidal, but maybe she just got herself killed, like for helping a human. Though I'm assuming she said she sacrificed herself maybe so Bianca would like her...?

Oops, more repetition. Thanks for telling me, and for the rest of the comment. I look forward to hearing more from you in the future!

I wonder what Xavier, Sadie and Skylos will think when Bianca tells them about Jason. I was surprised they met up so soon, I thought Bianca would be wandering around by herself for a few chapters. But, I like it better this way, and I wonder what these challenges will be. It was funny when Xavier was like, “Bianca gave us her girly love”. That made me laugh, but I’m not sure why.

It was heart-warming when Bianca and Sadie made friends properly. It’s nice that they were able to forgive each other, and hopefully they’ll be able to bring Jason back from the dead now using the power of friendship or something :P Either that or Calvin. I don’t know why, I just have a feeling he’s going to die. Even though that’s probably a bit morbid.

Haha, Xavier says he doesn’t read the mind of women. But, I’m pretty sure he read the mind of Sadie before. I know that’s probably because she used to be a boy, but I think it would be funny if you left it the way it is (although, I guess not funny for Sadie :P).

Oh, I just had a thought. Mary. Marisca. Maybe they’re the same person! Skylos said she was the most powerful witch in the ocean. Maybe she can turn into a clam, and works as a sea witch on the side of being the setahr of Draida.

I must admit I was surprised when Bianca mentioned that she had dyslexia, for two reasons: Firstly, I thought she’s been mentioned writing (and reading) before, and secondly I’m surprised that she knows what it is :P I mean, dyslexia hasn’t been recognised as a learning disorder for that long. Before the late 1800s people would probably just think someone with dyslexia was stupid. But I know this isn’t a super realistic story, so it’s fine if you want to keep it in, I just thought I’d point it out anyway.

I also found it strange that Xavier referred to the pearl as a disco ball, when pearls don’t really look like disco balls.  Unless they have different, cool pearl-looking disco balls in Mericia :P

Thanks for the comment! Lol "girly love," "heartwarming" and "power of friendship" xD Though I guess that isn't too far from the truth ha ha. You don't really like Calvin, do you? ;)

He did read Sadie's mind, yeah...I'll leave it in then. Glad you thought it was funny =)

You're a genius! Nobody else noticed the difference between Mary and Marisca. Good eye.

You make a really good point with the dyslexia, but I think I'll keep it in. Not because of the story's unrealism but because of something I should make clearer. HA and NC weren't supposed to be based off of the olden days but more like modern time but with magic instead of technology. I tried to give hints of Bianca's dyslexia, like her reading the book upside down in the library. Though I should probably work these things out a little bit more =P

Yeah, pearls don't really look like disco balls. Don't know how Xavier would even know what a disco ball is lol.

This chapter has to be one of my favourites. I really enjoyed all the fights and humorous things (like Xavier and his banana :P) It was cool to see that Bianca has a feisty side, and to see how she’s toughened up since her ordeal in the ocean. I did think it was kind of weird that she suddenly slapped Sadie. I mean, I might be wrong, but Sadie didn’t seem to say anything deserving of being slapped :P

But I can forgive her, because she was so badass fighting Mirg. As mean as this sounds, I’m glad she got some injuries, as it makes the fight more intense. I think you did a good job of describing it, and the stakes were high the whole time so it was exciting. I hope Sadie gets some cool moments later on, too, because she was mostly observing in this chapter while Bianca, and also Xavier and Skylos fought. But I’m sure she will.

The ending was very intriguing. So all dead people have to go through this, huh? I thought it was only people like them, who aren’t really dead, but I guess I was wrong. It’s good if Bianca remembers things, because then she might be able to use her knowledge in the future challenges to help them out. I’m really curious what they’ll find at the end, and if Jason will be there. I’m also wondering what happens to those who don’t pass all the challenges.

There was a bit of repetition – you said trident quite a lot of times when they were fighting, but other than that I didn’t notice anything in particular.  

And I wouldn’t say that I dislike Calvin, it’s just I’m convinced he’s going to die :P Like when I watch Game of Thrones, I never dare to let myself get too attached to any of the characters, cos lots of them will end up dying. But, now I’ve said that Calvin will probably survive the whole book, and the series, and end up happily married like in those cheesy manga epilogues :P Can fidis get married? I don’t see why not. If not, I want to protest for fidi rights. Sorry, I should really stop writing comments when I’m really tired :P

I"m glad you enjoyed it! These chapters were fun to write, so hopefully they're just as fun to read =P It was weird that Bianca slapped her. I guess it was because she seemed to think Sadie thought she trusted Mirg. I better make that more clear xD

Nope, Sadie will never get any cool moments. She's just the redhead that watched everybody do all the work. You'll just have to wait to see whether I'm lying =P

Haha I wonder if there will ever be a chapter without repetition. Well I'm working on it!

Yeah fidis can get married! His parents appeared near the end of book one. But protest anyway, I'd like to see how that turns out xD Thanks for the comment!

Well, that definitely wasn’t what I was expecting for the next challenge :P Haha, it’s kind of funny how they passed the test because they were too busy arguing to notice it was happening. There was a bit of repetition in some of the descriptions though. For example, you said the word “blood” a lot when Bianca was describing the swamp.

 But despite that I really did like the descriptions in this chapter. Like the bone trees, and the blood lake. It sure sounded creepy, I don’t know how they managed to get through it without freaking out :P But I’m excited to see what happens next, and what will happen when they get to this city the croc guy spoke of. Maybe it’ll be full of dead people, and Jason will be there. But that’s probably too soon to find him, so I guess he probably won’t be. Sorry for rambling, by the way.

Haha, I like how Bianca called Jason a damsel in distress and she was the prince rescuing him :P Although, I did think that since there are three of them (Xavier, Skylos and Sadie) they should be referred to as steeds instead of steed, that seemed awkward.

I was also kind of confused when Sadie was like “there are five challenges” and Bianca corrected her. I don’t think it’s the sort of thing Sadie would forget, and I remember Bianca telling her before.

I was also kind of confused when Xavier randomly took his clothes off. I’m assuming he didn’t take all of them off, cos later they said he was in his underwear, but when it happened that line made me go “what?” for a second :P

And there were a few more places where the start of a sentence seemed to be missing:

“walked forward, occasionally giving me”

“chat. Sadie, go ahead.”

“scratched her head.”

Sorry if the repetition of blood was gross. It was kind of intentional, to set the atmosphere, and a possible foreshadow that there will be bloodshed in future chapters. Also there aren't many synonyms for blood...are there? =P Oh, wait, there's nine apparently: juice, clot, hemoglobin, cruor, vital fluid, claret, gore, plasma, and sanguine fluid.

The descriptions were fun to write, so I'm glad they were good.

The steed thing was weird, and when Sadie forgot how many challenges there were. Thanks for pointing that out. Xavier didn't take off his own clothes, he took of Skylos's clothes. Gosh, pay more attention xD Actually he was about to jump in the lake (to gain Bianca's and Sadie's respect) and didn't want his clothes to get all bloody. Sorry if that was awkward =P

Sorry for the long time in between comments, I’ve had a bit of a hectic week O.o

This was a really good chapter. I was so excited for a moment, when “Jason” appeared… I guess I should have known it was a trick lol. I felt really sorry for Xavier when he figured it out though. Those rusdeqs are mean.  And then they transformed into Bianca as well, which is creepy. I mean, maybe they’ll never find each other again… I wonder what happened to the others, I hope they’re all okay.

But they were cool monsters though. They kind of reminded me of the weeping angels from Doctor Who, except they’re the opposite because the rusdeqs can only kill people when they see them while the weeping angels can only kill them when they can’t see them. But I got the same creepy vibe I get from them lol, maybe because of the creeping up behind you thing they've both got going on. Sorry for rambling, btw. I really like all of the magic creatures and stuff you have in this story, I always get excited when there’s something new, like in this chapter.

Something I found odd was this sentence when they were talking about walking in a line and walking side by side: “That's so stupid," I told him. I covered my face in embarrassment”. Not only is Sadie a him again, but I don’t understand why Xavier is embarrassed, because the idea he was suggesting was a better one. Perhaps Sadie would be covering her face because she was embarrassed by her idea, but I don’t know why Xavier would be. Sorry if I didn’t explain that properly, by the way.

I was also kind of confused about some of Xavier’s reactions to “Jason”. Mostly when he was like, “you were here safe and sound the whole time????” I don’t know if you’d really call the city a safe and sound place to be lol, considering the rusdeqs and stuff. I mean, it took them a long time to get there, so if Jason was really stuck there it would still be a bad place to be. Anyway, because of that I was kind of confused when he was getting all angry at him.

It's nice to hear from you again =D Thanks a lot for your time, it's much appreciated. Though I understand if you can't comment as often as before.

I'm glad you liked the chapter. This was another fun chapter to write, like pretty much all the other Underworld chapters. I like your comparison to the weeping angels. Lol the rambling's not a problem xD

Xavier being embarrassed by Sadie's bad plan, that's either that's an American thing or a boy thing... No you're right, that was pretty weird. And the part with Jason being safe doesn't make any sense at all, sorry about that.

Hope your week gets better! I look forward to reading some more of Gifted, when you get the time to write another chapter.

I’m interested now, about the Jason/Rusdeq. Well, I was interested before but now I’m even more interested :P I mean, Bianca said that they couldn’t grab people, but he grabbed Xavier… Perhaps they have just gotten stronger, or maybe it was something else. I don’t think it was the real Jason, but maybe it’s some other sort of magical thing. Or maybe I’m reading too much into things haha.

Aww, it was so sad when Sadie and Co. found about Jason being dead. Still, it was nice of them to have a friendship moment and continue on their journey anyway. I wonder when they’ll find out about Calvin too, cos Bianca didn’t mention him. I still think he’s going to sacrifice himself or die somehow. I really don’t know why I’m so convinced :P

But I’m kind of confused about the whole Jason being alive/dead thing. I mean, whether he’s really alive or dead… He’s still trapped in the underworld, so does it make a difference? I suppose it might be harder for them to get him back if he’s dead, but it would probably still be hard if he’s really alive anyway. I guess I’m kind of confused about what the rules are.

Also, why was Skylos sleeping? Did he just get there really early or something before the rest of them? :P It seemed weird to me that he would randomly go to sleep in the middle of their mission. I don't know why, I just found that strange.

I didn’t enjoy this chapter as much as the last two, but I did still like it even though not much happened overall. It felt like a breather chapter, with more emotional stuff in it what with Jason’s death being revealed and stuff. I think there might be action or some other sort of psychological drama in it, so I’m excited. I wonder what they’ll be doing in a desert lol.

Sadly, that was an actual rusdeq. Bianca was a dummy for not knowing they can grab you. I like your thinking though.

The characters aren't supposed to get the whole deal with Jason being alive or dead either. In real life, we don't always fully understand the problems we're faced with, and I wanted to reflect that in the story. So...yeah. Sorry if you were confused. I'll find a way to let readers know that it's intentional.

I wrote this book so long ago, I wish I remember why Skylos was sleeping xD That was pretty weird. I think it was just part of the humor. The mood is supposed to be more dark, but there's bits of humor as comic relief.

This was the chapter in which Michael turned over a new leaf and metamorphosed into Sadie, so hopefully there will be no more gender mix-ups.

I liked this chapter a lot. You always seem to think of the most original things, I’m always surprised haha. Like in this chapter with cool racing bunny things :P I’m kind of sad though, because there’s only 4 chapters left after this one.

I liked that Sadie was the one to save them this time. Giving the bunnies wings was a cool idea, and effective. She’s my favourite character still. I guess after her it’s Xavier. Or Bianca. I can’t choose xD I think all your characters are well thought out and original, and their interactions are always fun to read about. I’m super excited to see what happens next.

I’m also curious how the pearl thingy works. Is it like a wand, because she was able to use magic with it? I feel bad for Calvin (not that I didn’t before) if he’s stuck in a wand-like thingy again. Hopefully he can get out of this one as well, if he doesn’t sacrifice his life to save Jason. Anyway, I like how Bianca was all protective of it, that was a good detail considering she’s the only one who knows that Calvin’s in there.

Something that confused me: I know it was a joke, but when Xavier guessed the distance of the skeletons: “37 feet, 9 inches, 3 centimeters and a millimeter.” It confused me that you switched between the metric and the imperial system, because 3 centimetres is more than an inch anyway so why wouldn’t he just say an extra inch? :P I also found it strange when Sadie said the bunnies were “living organisms”. I think it would be more natural for her to say they were animals.

I was also kind of confused about Bianca’s brochure. Wouldn’t she have been there thirty years ago, no thirteen? Or did she just say thirteen because it’s unlucky (although, it’s my lucky number :P)

Here is some strange wording I found: “We spit it out of our mouths and brushed it off our bodies.” You changed tenses in this sentence.

I'm glad you liked it! Your praise means a lot to me. I hope the rest of the chapters are just as enjoyable.

Marisca's pearl is like a wand/talisman. It's nice that you feel bad for Calvin, I thought you hated him xD Most of my female readers do, maybe because he's not as cute and silly as the other guys ;) The male ones like him though.

Three centimeters are more than an inch? I've been lied to this whole time! Well I'm glad I have a smart person to point out all these mistakes lol. Thirteen is your lucky number??? Bianca would love to be you (though you're right, she should have said thirty).

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! I really appreciate it! 

Wooo! Go Sadie! I was happy that she got to do some fighting, in this chapter and the last. The main complaint I have about her sword fighting scene was that it was kind of short, but the rest of the chapter was really interesting so it’s not that big a deal. I just like action and blood :P

I must admit I’d forgotten completely about the orisk who called Sadie a princess. And now he seems awfully concerned for her wellbeing, more so than any of the others. Maybe they’re related. Maybe he’s her dad or something and was a human once, and that’s why he called her princess (because of that thing where apparently dads call their daughters princesses, although I can’t say I’ve ever experienced it myself :P). If so, I wonder why he left her alone if he seems to care about her. But then, I’m more inclined to think he’s using the royalty term for the word, so maybe not. Or maybe he is, and he’s secretly a king or something. Anyway, sorry for rambling.

It made me feel sad when Sadie was holding onto the journal to remember Jason. Even when she was fighting, she kept hold of it. That made me feel really sorry for Sadie, and I really hope they can get Jason back without many issues.

But, I doubt it will happen that easily. If they get Jason back, something has to be given up, most likely Calvin’s life. I don’t hate Calvin at all, I just feel like he’s definitely going to die at some point so I’m avoiding getting too attached to him :P I feel sorry for him and want him to escape from the pearl and live, but I don’t think he’s going to :P

I wonder why he has a last name though. But then, his name is different sounding, so perhaps he’s from another country where they have last names. Or maybe everyone in the underworld has them, I don’t know :P

“looked up at me and beamed” Here Xavier’s name is missing.

If you like this paragraph, hopefully the climax will be interesting. Most of your questions will be answered by then, like who Joe is and whether they'll sacrifice Calvin. If you like blood you'll definitely like the next chapter ;) I'll make that one fight scene longer.

Thanks for the comment princess xD There isn't much to say in response to your thoughts and anticipations without spoiling things but they're really fun to read. I look forward to your future comments!

Sorry for the long time in between comments. I’m not an expert or anything, but I thought the fight scenes in this chapter were really well written and exciting. I especially liked the part where Bianca was using water magic, that was really cool. I like how you shared all the awesome moments among the main characters, so Sadie, Xavier and Bianca have all gotten their fights and done good things to help them through. And Skylos as well, but those guys have done more in my opinion :P Anyway, I’m glad that you spread things around instead of having just one dominate, as they all have their strengths and weaknesses.

Oh, and I really like Bianca’s development in this book. I think you did that really well, and this chapter definitely showed how far she has come. And this chapter reminded me, since Xavier mentioned it… I wonder if we’ll find out what’s up with Alex and if he was really the one who wanted to kill Jason and stuff in this book. I mean, there’s only two chapters left, it doesn’t seem enough time… I’m really curious about that, but I don’t mind waiting to find out :P

One bit of the fight that I think could use a bit more description was  when Mirg was hit by Xavier’s dart gun or whatever – I know it’s probably meant to be unclear what happens until they notice the dart in his chest, but I feel you could have described it better than just him raising his eyebrows and falling to his knees. Especially because raising eyebrows isn’t usually something that I usually associate with someone being shot, so when I first read that line I thought he was about to make a sarcastic quip or something :P Perhaps you could describe the sound of the dart hitting him, or something like that  :P I think it would be more dramatic that way.

Also, I know this was probably part of the humour, but I don’t see how someone could mistake blood for red water :P I mean, blood is way thicker and not clear at all. Also, considering about 80% of blood is water she would probably have still been able to control it, so it still could have been blood even though Sadie was like, "it must be water". Sorry for being so nerdy, by the way :P

Thanks for the comment! I'm glad the fighting was good with the equal roles and all that. I was worried that it would seem a bit too cliched. I'll change the part when Mirg gets defeated, that was a bit weird.

In Draida, water is thick and opaque like blood, so what Sadie said was appropriate =P Thanks for telling me. That wouldn't have crossed my mind xD

Haha, I was right about Calvin! Well, sort of :P He didn’t die, but he’s been separated from them… Poor guy, he just can’t catch a break. I wonder what will happen now he’s separated from them. Maybe the next book will be about finding Calvin instead of Jason :P And I was right about Joe/Sotekh too. I guess he really is Sadie’s dad…

And Sadie’s mum! I like the symbolism with the mask and stuff (if that was symbolism. It seemed like it :P). It’s sad how she’s been corrupted by Death or whatever, even though she saved Sadie before and obviously cared about her. I thought it was kind of mean of Death to just make Sadie’s dad an orisk for apparently not loving her enough. I mean he was killed before, so he didn’t get a chance to sacrifice his life for her or whatever. But then, I suppose it was good in a way because then he didn’t get corrupted and was still himself andl loved Sadie when she showed up later.

Still, I’m kind of glad in a way that Sadie’s mum was mean and telling her that she was saying it wasn’t fair that Sadie got to live. I mean, it would have been totally cliché if she’d been like, “OMG, Sadie!!! I love you so much and I’ll never leave you!!! Please, have your friend back with no cost whatsoever!” The way it was way more interesting.  Still, I hope she appears again (and Sotekh too) and gets away from Death so she can be the person she was that loved Sadie and saved her life. When she managed to be separate a few times during their fight, she seemed like a nice person.

Anyway, I’m really curious what’s going to happen now. Jason will be back, but in a bad condition… I’m happy they managed to save him, even though the costs were pretty high. And going back forty years in the future is definitely going to be interesting O.o I guess they’ll all be like Bianca in a way now, with all their friends and family dead/old.

Overall I really liked this chapter, and I think it was a great climax with for the story. There were lots of tense moment, some shocking things (Sadie’s mum) and more psychological turmoil. Maybe Death and Amaatlik are connected, cos they were both messing with Sadie’s mind. Overall I think you’ve done a good job with the climax of the story, and I’m really curious to see how it will all end :)

I found it odd when Sadie’s mum said that when she and her father had found out Sadie was born… Wouldn’t she already know, seeing as she kind of had to be present? xD I think it would be better to say that she found out she was pregnant or that Sadie was going to be born or something. Or just said “after you were born we were afraid for you”.

Also, when Xavier was counting steps he skipped from 1239 to 1345 in what I thought was a short space of time :P Either he’s a ninja or maybe it was just a typo and meant to be 1245?

I really want to read the next chapter, but I’ve got class in like ten minutes O.o I’ll definitely read it when I get home tonight! Anyway, that was a lot of rambling, but I’ve probably missed out lots of stuff… Feel free to ask any questions!

Sorry about the late reply. I'm glad you liked it! I tried to make Death/Sadie's mom seem sort of neutral, not really evil but not good. And yes, it would be very cliché if the antagonist said "omg" xD That would be awesome.

But Xavier is a ninja. That was weird...and Sadie's mom "finding out" that Sadie was born haha.

I can't really think of any questions, maybe if any of it seemed immature for whatever reason. Also I wouldn't be offended in the least if you saw a way to make something better on terms of quality.

I think this was a good epilogue. I’m kind of sad that Xavier and Jason weren’t in it, but then I suppose Jason’s still probably healing :P

Overall I have really enjoyed this book. I think it’s definitely better written than Hunting Amaatlik (and that one was really good to begin with). There were lots of interesting plot developments, and the development of the characters (Sadie and Bianca in particular) was great too. The main thing I could suggest for this chapter is to maybe make it a bit longer? As I said I was kinda disappointed not to see Jason and Xavier, but perhaps you’re waiting till the next book for a reason, and if so feel free to ignore me :P

I felt really sorry for Sadie. And Amisto’s dead… I know he probably died of old age, but it’s still sad. I liked him :( I hope they manage to get back to their time, but I have a feeling that they won’t. I wonder what happened to Xavier and Jason’s parents. They might not be dead, but their sons have been missing for so long… There are so many questions, like who killed Jason (surely it wasn’t just Alex…) that still haven’t been answered, and I’m really excited to find out more.

This chapter left me with a bit of a depressed feel (not in a bad way). I really want to know what’s going to happen next, but I have no more to read! :( Are you gonna post the next one soon, or…?

Thanks for all your comments! Sorry there's no more to read, since that was the end of the series xD In truth I don't know when I'll get the next book out. I have the whole series roughly planned out and know what's going to happen, but I still have a lot editing to do, and owe you an Anonymous reviews. I'll get to it as soon as I can. I've already written rough drafts for the first three chapters, which I call "deleted scenes" because they're too depressing and I couldn't work with them, but I could publish them if you want.

Haha, sorry for rushing you… Take as much time as you want :) I don’t really mind about the drafts. I’ll read them if you post them, but if you want to change it or whatever then I’ll read it later :D

And I don’t think there was anything immature in the last two chapters.