Sparkatale

Just read the first chapter. All in all it's pretty good writing. There was one sentence about the Jennifers that was a little confusing, but other than that it was clear and easy to follow. One thing that did throw me a bit was a kid in elementary school talking about how their classmates talk about perverted stuff. Maybe I'm just too old, but that seems more like a middle school sort of thing to say. Just maybe a thought for changing either their age to be just a bit older or the dialogue to be a bit more like a 10 year old...unless I'm outdated. Then ignore that comment :)

I am really enjoying the flash-back concept. It's fun the way you're having them in each chapter. Again, just a few sentences that didn't make much sense, but nothing that really made it hard to follow what was happening in the story. Also, you talk about "the old man" taking her phone...if its her dad you might want to say "her old man". Her old man conveys a family type relationship, the old man made me think of some creepy guy keeping her captive in her house.