Sparkatale

As a twin myself, this story perked my interest :D It is something I’ve always feared myself, so I’m interested to see what will happen ^^

One thing though, this story hit a pet hate of mine, which is twins with similar sounding names. I have never met another pair of twins in real life whose parents have actually decided to call them by themed names. And fraternal twins (like Nathanal and Natasha must be, as they’re a boy and girl) do not look any more alike than any other pair of siblings. These are common mistakes but they can be quite annoying for people like me, because they only reinforce the novelty idea of twins as just two halves of one person. Really they're still two separate people, even if they share a special bond and are closer than most siblings.

 Also it might be better to break up the text a bit, one big block of text can be annoying to read. Every time there’s dialogue, start a new line. It makes the story a lot easier to read and it’s easier to see who’s speaking. Also after dialogue there should be a comma between the speech and the text following – “Hey Lisa, Esmeralda is outside with her pasture mates”  I say while leaning on my pitch fork.

It should be “Hey Lisa, Esmeralda is outside with her pasture mates,” I say while leaning on my pitch fork.

Thank you for your insight. I will take in consideration your points. :D