Sparkatale

I don't think I've seen a whole lot of fantasy stories with a more modern/futuristic setting. Intriguing!

I would probably want my life to be easy. So being a free-lancer is a no-go for me.

However, I would suggest you'd drop the honorifics when it's not in a dialogue or thoughts. You, the narrator, shouldn't know these characters, and when you read it out loud, it kind of sounds awkward.

The writing so far is smooth and easy to follow; I only had to stop a couple of times. A few adverbs at some places slowed it down a bit, but overall used sparingly and made it very clear.

I know this comment is a bit rushed (sorry), but I have a busy effing schedule, so I gotta run (catching a bus in 15 min haha)!

Good luck and keep writing! :3.

Interesting story! Really! Definitely left this chapter on a cliffhanger, too... 

As an original story--especially your first one--this is going great. Your worldbuilding is pretty awesome! Seein' the references to Japanese culture and such, I'm guessing your a fan? The games-idea is cool, too. 

But here comes the picky part... Things I wish were more elaborated on: Izumi's self-conflict with his role (esp. relationship with the King and country's citizens. Does he feel obligated to 'protect' them? What is the state of the country?), the relationship between him and Yukimi, and Yukimi's past-complex. I have a feeling you were going to elaborate on them eventually, but I was just saying... Sometimes even published stories don't do these things justice.

For example, something that really irks me is when they neglect the plot and focus on romance. The romance is supposed to ENHANCE the plot, not be the centerpiece, even if its a romance like Romeo and Juliet. That was about the Cap-Monty feud, and the romance between the lovebirds was just gooey, warm stuff. Wow here I go ranting... haha sorry. Anyways, your doing good stuff with the romance. I'm just worried that they're moving a tiny too fast. It's good to have a small idea of romance... but maybe focus more on friendship at first? Since you've said Yukimi doesn't make friends easily... that should be HUGE. 

 Honestly, there are some stories here that I mean to review and cannot even get past the first paragraph... This was not the case! Your word flow was fantastic and descriptions are solid. I am diligently waiting for more.... 

Keep going! Good stuff here. I'll stop being picky... for now. Sorry this review was such a mess.