Sparkatale

Normally I wouldn't say this, but there are points in this story where you have too much description that really doesn't feel necessary.  For instance the in-depth description of their clothing, including socks, just seemed too much for a short story.  I would simplify this and focus more on personalities and relationships since this story really comes down to the differences between the children.  In fact, it would be nice to know more about Carter a little earlier on and the others if you are keeping this as only a short story.  As a first chapter of a longer story what you have works better, though you would have to do some editing to add more about the "world" you're writing in.  I really enjoyed the ending of this story with Aiden and I actually hope you would consider using these characters and creating something longer.  You have done a really nice job of making your main characters unique and have even put a twist on typical vampire stories.  So well done.