Sparkatale

There are a few things that I want to point out, but first and foremost I would like to commend the sheer length of your chapters. It takes detication to write such an amount per chapter, and it was the first thing I noticed. However, I felt that the very length of said chapters work against you. Obviously this is subjective - and other people would argue my case and they would be right - but for me my concentration span wasn't enough to read this all in one go. There were some grammar and spelling errors throughout your chapter, and I can honestly say that on this particular chapter, you need to work on detail. It took more than 1000 words for me to realize that the protagonist was a girl. I was also confused about Magmun's age. I had assumed that they were the same age, childhood friends, but it seems more of a mentor/student relationship. There was also a lack of description of the environment throughout this chapter, particularly at the beginning of the chapter. I guess simply more effort needed in describing the world around the characters - as well as the characters themselves and fixing up the spelling and grammar - and your chapters will improve dramatically. I'm not a perfect writer myself, and I regularly suffer from the mistakes I pointed out. It's just looking at other people's work and discussing our respective work that will help us improve!