Sparkatale

Right off the bat I'm going to give you a few grammar things. In your first sentence you have to capitalize I'd. Then your dialogue isn't done correctly. When you use a speaking verb after a sentence the verb or he/she/they should be lowercased (and use a comma not a period). Example? - 'Y'know...' Started Bree - should look like - "Y'know..." started Bree - Also use the double quotes not the single, unless you are writing from Eastern Europe, in which case carry on and nice job on the English. That is about the only place where using ' ' is common in literature for dialogue. Everywhere else " " is used. So save the ' ' for when there is an internal dialogue (IE thoughts) or for when an actual quote is being used in dialogue (IE "Martin Luther King Jr's speech started with 'I have a dream...'"). Sorry that that got really wordy and long, but if you're confused just pick up a novel, find some dialogue and copy the structural components. Also throughout your first chapter there are lots of "i" and not "I". Remember to capitalize I, I'll, I'd, I've. So I'll leave my critiques at that. There are a few more things to be considered, but they are minor compared to the ones listed above. I'll give you an overall comment on the book comments page about the story itself.

Hey thanks for your feedback! Very helpful! I have a habit of forgetting to capitalize my i's :P Regarding the quotation marks, i grew up in australia and was taught to use singles for regular speech and doubles for quotes in the literal sense, as in, when a character is literally quoting somebody. I was always under the impression they were a matter of personal style, as i've read many books that use single quotation marks for regular speech, with doubles inside for quotes. When a character has a thought, i typically italicize it without quotation marks at all. Anyway, thanks again!