Sparkatale

It's not too often that I find a story that I really can get into, flows well, has little to no spelling/grammar mistakes, and strong emotions that I can feel. Your story has all of these things, and I really like your writing style. :)

I particularly liked the way the story told itself. You didn't bombard me with useless details and information, a mistake that many people make in the first chapter of a story because they think the reader has to know EVERYTHING. You gave enough detail that I knew what was going on, and it didn't distract from the main point of the chapter: that Pauly is dealing with the loss of his brother, and that for some reason his parents are horrible people.

I didn't exactly look for mistakes in the writing when I was reading through because my first glance at every story is mostly focused on the plot and the characters, but I did notice that you had dialogue from different characters in the same paragraph at times. Although it wasn't confusing and I knew who was talking, each new dialogue should be on its own line.

I hope you keep writing because I'd love to follow this story!

Thank you so much for your comment! I'm so glad you liked it. I've written the next chapter but I've been lazy so haven't really gotten around to upload it. I will definitely do so, soon.

Thanks again!!

Nice cliffhanger on this chapter! I'm starting to see why Pauly doesn't like his parents, although of course much more explanation has to be done- can't wait to see more of their story as the plot goes on.