The Power of The Elements , a Fantasy story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

The Power of The Elements

By: Helena Bradley

Status: In Progress

Summary:

Nerissa discovers she has crazy powers very few people have; the people with these powers are considered dangerous. She find out her sister Bridget has them too, and to learn to control the powers they are sent to a camp. What will happen? Tell me your opinions please! :)

Created: September 10, 2014 | Updated: October 2, 2014

Genre : Fantasy

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 1

Favorites: 0

Reads: 747


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    Comments / Critiques


      • Chapter: 1 Reply

        The story seems interesting, but I would suggest you proof read your stuff a bit more before posting it. I'll show you some examples:


        Where you wrote "One minute everything is peaceful were just playing” in the first two lines you probably meant something along the line “we were just playing”. The way it is now the sentence doesn’t make that much sense.

        Also, “but no one would tell me what happened even though they all acted like they all knew.” The first “all” is unnecessary, it should be “they acted like they all knew”

        Or even “it felt as if I tried to swim at the river but in my clothes.” It should be “tried to swim in the river” and I would also remove the “but”, I personally feel it just looks better without it.

        As you can see they are very minor mistakes but they are spread throughout the text, so my advice, like I said in the beginning, would be to proof read a couple of times before posting your chapters.

        Keep up the good work!

        September 10, 2014 | Mnop Rarotunga